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1
00:00:00,319 --> 00:00:02,087
(Birds chirp, car rumbles)
2
00:00:02,112 --> 00:00:04,114
David, what time is Patrick's
housewarming tonight?
3
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,506
Hmm, you'll have to ask him.
4
00:00:05,531 --> 00:00:07,432
He told me he doesn't want my help,
5
00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:09,367
so I'm just gonna play
the supportive partner,
6
00:00:09,401 --> 00:00:10,868
and watch him fail.
7
00:00:10,903 --> 00:00:12,562
Okay, it's just that if
Ted and I are gonna be
8
00:00:12,587 --> 00:00:15,122
fashionably late, we need
to know when it starts.
9
00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:18,783
Jocelyn: There you are, Alexis! (Laughs)
10
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,978
- Good morning, Roses.
- Jocelyn, Roland.
11
00:00:21,013 --> 00:00:24,549
Look at you, positively
flushed with motherly glow.
12
00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:27,585
We've just been running
around looking for Alexis.
13
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:28,877
That's so sweet; what's up?
14
00:00:28,921 --> 00:00:30,198
Remember that time that you told me
15
00:00:30,222 --> 00:00:32,812
you'd be there for me
if I ever needed you?
16
00:00:32,837 --> 00:00:34,257
I don't think that was me.
17
00:00:34,282 --> 00:00:37,495
Well, our babysitter for
tonight just canceled on us,
18
00:00:37,529 --> 00:00:39,597
and we were gonna have dinner,
19
00:00:39,631 --> 00:00:41,523
and uh, a couples massage.
20
00:00:41,548 --> 00:00:44,216
But unfortunately, the
couple that massages us
21
00:00:44,241 --> 00:00:46,647
can only do it once a month, so...
22
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,372
Hmm, no. Um...
23
00:00:48,407 --> 00:00:49,751
well, I totally would think about it,
24
00:00:49,775 --> 00:00:52,143
but I have a housewarming thing tonight.
25
00:00:52,168 --> 00:00:54,336
Jocelyn and Roland: Ohhh...
26
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,423
David?
27
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,916
Is Patrick also going to
that housewarming party?
28
00:00:59,941 --> 00:01:02,640
Patrick's throwing the
party, unfortunately.
29
00:01:03,255 --> 00:01:05,265
Well Rollie, we're just
gonna have to cancel.
30
00:01:05,290 --> 00:01:07,792
Because we have asked
literally everyone.
31
00:01:07,826 --> 00:01:09,537
(Groans) Oh, jeez.
32
00:01:09,562 --> 00:01:11,196
Thanks anyways, Roses.
33
00:01:11,221 --> 00:01:13,255
- (Roland groans)
- Moira: Sorry.
34
00:01:15,841 --> 00:01:17,835
Well, that was weird.
35
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:20,161
Seriously. A nighttime couples massage,
36
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,206
what is this, 1985?!
37
00:01:22,241 --> 00:01:25,543
No! They asked everyone
at the table except us,
38
00:01:25,577 --> 00:01:26,878
we're sitting right here!
39
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:29,338
They're not going to ask
someone of your age, John.
40
00:01:29,363 --> 00:01:31,826
We raised two kids.
41
00:01:31,851 --> 00:01:33,452
"Raised" might be a stretch.
42
00:01:33,477 --> 00:01:35,979
Our nursery was in a
different wing of the house.
43
00:01:36,004 --> 00:01:37,849
- It was a design flaw.
- I'm a light sleeper.
44
00:01:41,422 --> 00:01:45,992
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
45
00:01:47,937 --> 00:01:50,001
John, you're not still working on that
46
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,793
cumbersome laundry hamper?
47
00:01:51,837 --> 00:01:53,953
I told you, it's a playpen, Moira.
48
00:01:53,978 --> 00:01:55,412
I was hoping you were joking.
49
00:01:55,437 --> 00:01:57,739
No. After Roland and Jocelyn's
50
00:01:57,764 --> 00:01:59,451
little oversight this morning,
51
00:01:59,476 --> 00:02:02,687
I... took it upon myself
to offer our services.
52
00:02:02,712 --> 00:02:05,347
Why in God's name would you do that?!
53
00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:07,273
It's a principle thing.
54
00:02:07,298 --> 00:02:10,533
Roland and Jocelyn don't think
we can take care of a kid.
55
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,132
That's an argument I'm willing to lose.
56
00:02:13,893 --> 00:02:16,460
So now I have go to Ronnie's by myself.
57
00:02:16,485 --> 00:02:17,852
What?
58
00:02:17,877 --> 00:02:19,440
I told you, the Lifetime Network
59
00:02:19,464 --> 00:02:21,866
is re-airing the movie
I did with Joyce DeWitt.
60
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,468
Remember? "Not Without My Cousin."
61
00:02:24,503 --> 00:02:25,970
And Ronnie's TV gets that channel,
62
00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:27,271
I told you this, John!
63
00:02:27,306 --> 00:02:28,973
Or at least I'm telling you now.
64
00:02:29,007 --> 00:02:31,906
Okay, well then, have fun.
65
00:02:32,678 --> 00:02:34,085
I'm more than capable
66
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:36,111
of looking after this kid myself.
67
00:02:36,279 --> 00:02:38,314
John, my sweet husband.
68
00:02:38,339 --> 00:02:40,874
We have nothing to prove as parents.
69
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:42,533
We did our best for our children.
70
00:02:42,558 --> 00:02:44,358
Yeah, we were there most weeknights.
71
00:02:44,383 --> 00:02:46,384
For at least a couple of hours.
72
00:02:46,409 --> 00:02:47,686
Unless we were out for the evening.
73
00:02:47,711 --> 00:02:48,978
Yeah, or jetting around.
74
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:50,837
Or if it was a really long day.
75
00:02:50,862 --> 00:02:52,867
Yeah, no, no, I'm not the
least bit concerned, Moira.
76
00:02:52,892 --> 00:02:54,092
(Knocking)
77
00:02:54,343 --> 00:02:57,245
Besides, if Roland
can look after a baby,
78
00:02:57,270 --> 00:02:58,603
anyone can.
79
00:03:00,677 --> 00:03:01,911
Hey, Jocelyn.
80
00:03:01,936 --> 00:03:03,504
- Jocelyn: Hi, Johnny.
- Roland: Hi, Johnny.
81
00:03:03,756 --> 00:03:05,617
Jocelyn: Thank you so much, Johnny,
82
00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:08,709
it just would've never
occurred to us to ask you.
83
00:03:08,734 --> 00:03:10,281
Are you sure you're up for this?
84
00:03:10,306 --> 00:03:11,740
Oh, he'll be fine, honey,
85
00:03:11,765 --> 00:03:15,219
And if he does find
himself completely lost,
86
00:03:15,253 --> 00:03:17,121
and believe me, he will,
87
00:03:17,146 --> 00:03:18,788
he will have...
88
00:03:18,813 --> 00:03:20,947
the baby binder to hold his hand.
89
00:03:20,972 --> 00:03:22,472
Right here, Johnny.
90
00:03:22,497 --> 00:03:24,831
Okay, well, here goes nothing.
91
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,678
- Yeah.
- I don't know why, I'm just...
92
00:03:26,703 --> 00:03:28,399
I'm having a hard time letting go.
93
00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:30,067
I've got him. I've got him, Jocelyn.
94
00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:31,479
- Oh, okay, okay.
- Well, I know why.
95
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:32,953
It's because you don't trust
the guy, and believe me,
96
00:03:32,978 --> 00:03:35,079
I don't either, but
we're in this now, so...
97
00:03:35,104 --> 00:03:37,172
try not think about it. Okay...
98
00:03:37,197 --> 00:03:38,997
Wow, Moira.
99
00:03:39,022 --> 00:03:41,857
Looking so elegant for
a night of babysitting.
100
00:03:41,882 --> 00:03:45,051
Just dressed to the
nines in choking hazards.
101
00:03:45,076 --> 00:03:48,646
Sadly, Jocelyn, I won't be
here this evening to intercede.
102
00:03:48,671 --> 00:03:50,705
Oh wow, so it's just gonna be Johnny,
103
00:03:50,823 --> 00:03:53,124
alone with our precious miracle baby?
104
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,917
Uh... honey,
105
00:03:54,942 --> 00:03:56,943
come on, we're gonna
be late for our massage.
106
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,288
You know Ron and Linda
like to do those stretches
107
00:03:59,313 --> 00:04:01,749
before they get us on the table, so...
108
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:04,242
I'll be thinking about all
of you during my massage.
109
00:04:04,267 --> 00:04:06,234
No, no need for that, Roland.
110
00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:08,593
Okay Johnny, just don't
do anything I wouldn't do.
111
00:04:08,618 --> 00:04:09,684
Jocelyn: Love you!
112
00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:11,734
- What?
- Whoop! Whoop!
113
00:04:11,767 --> 00:04:14,294
- (Door slams)
- Boop boop be boop!
114
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,380
(Bird caws)
115
00:04:18,699 --> 00:04:20,232
(Sighs)
116
00:04:21,126 --> 00:04:23,328
(Sighs heavily)
117
00:04:23,588 --> 00:04:25,422
Wow. What are those?
118
00:04:25,447 --> 00:04:27,181
These are party shots.
119
00:04:27,206 --> 00:04:29,607
- Hmm...
- You ever had one before?
120
00:04:29,632 --> 00:04:31,328
No, nope.
121
00:04:32,226 --> 00:04:33,960
Fine, once.
122
00:04:33,985 --> 00:04:35,986
Twice.
123
00:04:36,171 --> 00:04:37,711
Fine, I had a tray in Cancun.
124
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:40,371
Okay, well they kinda
go with my overall theme
125
00:04:40,396 --> 00:04:43,432
of a good old-fashioned high
school slumber party, so.
126
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:45,792
Mhmm, I still don't know
why you were so quick
127
00:04:45,817 --> 00:04:47,618
to dismiss my theme idea.
128
00:04:47,643 --> 00:04:49,077
Where is anybody gonna find
129
00:04:49,102 --> 00:04:51,352
glass-blown Venetian masks around here?
130
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,261
Besides, people are kind of excited
131
00:04:53,285 --> 00:04:54,898
about the high school idea.
132
00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:58,189
Okay. Walk me through
the high school idea.
133
00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:01,049
Models and teen actors are
just gonna lounge around
134
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,660
in their bras and thongs,
135
00:05:02,694 --> 00:05:04,762
and take Polaroids of
themselves all night?
136
00:05:04,787 --> 00:05:06,849
What was your high
school experience like?
137
00:05:07,064 --> 00:05:08,498
What was yours like?
138
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,912
Besides, where are we going
to find a salad bowl of E
139
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:11,857
this last minute?
140
00:05:11,873 --> 00:05:14,708
You know, I think this
could be kind of a...
141
00:05:14,743 --> 00:05:17,478
a fun opportunity for you to
rewrite your past a little bit.
142
00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:18,813
Mhmm.
143
00:05:18,847 --> 00:05:20,358
It's just that my
parents have spent like,
144
00:05:20,382 --> 00:05:22,049
an astounding amount of money on therapy
145
00:05:22,083 --> 00:05:23,617
to try to do that already.
146
00:05:23,652 --> 00:05:26,787
So forgive me for not wanting
to run back into the fire.
147
00:05:26,822 --> 00:05:28,126
What happened to you?
148
00:05:29,224 --> 00:05:30,925
Nothing, really, I just didn't like it.
149
00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:32,149
(Gasps)
150
00:05:32,309 --> 00:05:34,243
- Mm. Okay. Oh.
- Yeah.
151
00:05:34,268 --> 00:05:35,668
(Slurps)
152
00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:40,334
You might have to make more of those.
153
00:05:40,368 --> 00:05:42,236
- That's right.
- That's very nice.
154
00:05:42,270 --> 00:05:43,337
(Dog barks)
155
00:05:43,905 --> 00:05:45,506
(Keys jingle)
156
00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:47,908
(Ted sighs)
157
00:05:51,646 --> 00:05:52,847
(Keys jingle)
158
00:05:54,816 --> 00:05:57,351
Honey, I'm home.
159
00:05:57,385 --> 00:05:59,787
Oh, shouldn't I be the one saying that?
160
00:05:59,821 --> 00:06:01,322
A little something to celebrate
161
00:06:01,356 --> 00:06:03,253
the end of the week.
162
00:06:03,534 --> 00:06:06,193
- Yeah...
- Whoop!
163
00:06:06,228 --> 00:06:08,629
Uh, except it's
Neuterpalooza week at work,
164
00:06:08,663 --> 00:06:10,364
and I still have two days
165
00:06:10,398 --> 00:06:11,899
of spaying and neutering ahead of me.
166
00:06:11,933 --> 00:06:13,667
Oh, let's stop saying "neutering",
167
00:06:13,702 --> 00:06:15,202
'cause it's killing my buzz!
168
00:06:15,237 --> 00:06:16,637
This is so silky.
169
00:06:16,671 --> 00:06:18,572
Yeah, it's my dad's
housecoat from storage.
170
00:06:18,607 --> 00:06:21,509
I was thinking we
could go as Hef, R.I.P.,
171
00:06:21,543 --> 00:06:23,110
and a Playboy Bunny.
172
00:06:23,144 --> 00:06:25,779
Isn't the theme high
school slumber party?
173
00:06:25,814 --> 00:06:27,181
It is.
174
00:06:27,206 --> 00:06:28,851
My best friend, Summer, used
to date Hef in high school,
175
00:06:28,884 --> 00:06:30,061
which isn't as weird as it sounds,
176
00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:33,120
'cause he was like, a very young 77.
177
00:06:33,154 --> 00:06:35,623
Uh okay, don't be mad, but...
178
00:06:35,657 --> 00:06:36,857
Ted, no!
179
00:06:36,892 --> 00:06:38,469
I have to perform surgery
on people's pets like,
180
00:06:38,493 --> 00:06:39,760
first thing in the morning.
181
00:06:39,794 --> 00:06:41,595
Why'd you have to pick this weekend?
182
00:06:41,630 --> 00:06:42,940
You know how much I always look forward
183
00:06:42,964 --> 00:06:44,465
to Patrick's house parties.
184
00:06:44,499 --> 00:06:47,067
Isn't this his first one?
185
00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:48,202
Okay, fine.
186
00:06:48,236 --> 00:06:51,005
I guess I'll just
finish my drink, and...
187
00:06:51,039 --> 00:06:52,940
wander over there dressed like this,
188
00:06:52,974 --> 00:06:55,175
and see what happens.
189
00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:57,278
Well, I mean,
190
00:06:57,312 --> 00:07:01,398
maybe you don't need to leave just yet.
191
00:07:01,783 --> 00:07:03,951
Snip, snip, Mr. Mullens!
192
00:07:05,186 --> 00:07:08,227
I was just hoping you
could make an exception.
193
00:07:08,690 --> 00:07:10,057
Let loose for one night.
194
00:07:10,091 --> 00:07:12,026
Next time. I promise.
195
00:07:13,762 --> 00:07:14,962
(Crickets chirp)
196
00:07:14,996 --> 00:07:16,330
Moira: Well, I'm off. (Baby cries)
197
00:07:16,364 --> 00:07:18,232
All right, have fun, sweetheart.
198
00:07:18,266 --> 00:07:20,501
You realize the bebe is crying.
199
00:07:20,535 --> 00:07:21,969
I do, yes.
200
00:07:22,003 --> 00:07:24,104
Isn't it scheduled to be dormant by now?
201
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,873
I'll figure it out, Moira.
202
00:07:25,907 --> 00:07:27,808
- You have the binder.
- Yes.
203
00:07:27,842 --> 00:07:29,288
- Yes.
- Ooh!
204
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:32,246
I think I just found the issue.
205
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,948
It might be in the diaper.
206
00:07:33,982 --> 00:07:36,617
Oh, it was the bebe. I'm so relieved!
207
00:07:36,651 --> 00:07:38,452
Yeah, I think they left extra diapers.
208
00:07:38,486 --> 00:07:40,054
They assumed we'd take care of it.
209
00:07:40,088 --> 00:07:41,855
You wanna grab the rubber gloves?
210
00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:43,657
They're Tom Ford, John, no!
211
00:07:43,692 --> 00:07:44,969
And they wouldn't fit you anyway.
212
00:07:44,993 --> 00:07:47,127
The cleaning gloves under the sink!
213
00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:48,929
Oh! Yes.
214
00:07:50,665 --> 00:07:52,633
(Baby wails)
215
00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:54,168
(Groans)
216
00:07:55,670 --> 00:07:57,237
And, there.
217
00:07:57,272 --> 00:07:58,606
Oh, it looks like Jocelyn's
218
00:07:58,647 --> 00:08:01,248
left you some nice chapter tabs.
219
00:08:02,444 --> 00:08:05,012
Uh, it's saying here that you should...
220
00:08:05,046 --> 00:08:09,759
wipe counter-clockwise direction, ah...
221
00:08:09,784 --> 00:08:12,186
flip it, if you can flip it.
222
00:08:12,220 --> 00:08:14,655
- The baby?
- It doesn't say.
223
00:08:14,689 --> 00:08:17,224
Honestly, Moira, just go! I'll be fine.
224
00:08:17,258 --> 00:08:19,293
I'm not sure you will be, John.
225
00:08:19,327 --> 00:08:22,129
It's not like the old days
when we could just call Adelina,
226
00:08:22,163 --> 00:08:24,665
and have her rush home
from her daughter's wedding.
227
00:08:24,699 --> 00:08:26,300
You're gonna miss your screening.
228
00:08:26,334 --> 00:08:28,335
I'll go after the
first commercial break.
229
00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:30,104
That's when the action happens anyway,
230
00:08:30,138 --> 00:08:31,905
when my cousin and I begin
231
00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:33,841
our backpack through Lebanon.
232
00:08:33,875 --> 00:08:36,043
What else does the binder say?
233
00:08:36,077 --> 00:08:37,344
Oh my God, John!
234
00:08:37,379 --> 00:08:39,277
Don't forget to wash its hands!
235
00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:41,848
Okay.
236
00:08:42,584 --> 00:08:44,018
(Dog barks)
237
00:08:44,052 --> 00:08:46,387
Okay, my turn. Ahem!
238
00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:50,758
Hmm, never have I ever pretended to be
239
00:08:50,792 --> 00:08:52,726
a pizza delivery person so I could get
240
00:08:52,761 --> 00:08:55,529
into Jared Leto's Halloween party.
241
00:08:55,563 --> 00:08:56,797
You're a bitch.
242
00:08:56,831 --> 00:08:59,800
My mom was engaged to
two pizza delivery guys.
243
00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:02,836
Can that count? 'Cause
I am really thirsty.
244
00:09:02,871 --> 00:09:04,538
Stevie!
245
00:09:04,572 --> 00:09:05,806
Uh, um...
246
00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:10,577
Never have I ever...
247
00:09:14,015 --> 00:09:15,359
Sorry, I'm just trying
to think of something
248
00:09:15,383 --> 00:09:17,017
- I haven't done.
- Okay.
249
00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:19,153
How long did you envision
this game going on for?
250
00:09:19,187 --> 00:09:21,121
Because never have I ever been so bored.
251
00:09:21,156 --> 00:09:23,323
Aw, I'm sorry, David,
when I suggested the game,
252
00:09:23,358 --> 00:09:26,026
I didn't expect that you'd
be drinking quite so much.
253
00:09:26,061 --> 00:09:27,261
Eating out of the garbage?
254
00:09:27,295 --> 00:09:29,163
Okay, I did that in
front of you last night.
255
00:09:29,197 --> 00:09:32,166
Now, as a participant, if we
don't change the game soon,
256
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,268
- I'm gonna get very drunk.
- Oh.
257
00:09:34,302 --> 00:09:36,236
- (Knocking)
- Yep?
258
00:09:37,439 --> 00:09:39,540
- Hey! (Laughing)
- All: Oh! There he is! Yay!
259
00:09:39,574 --> 00:09:41,909
God, what are you doing here?
260
00:09:41,943 --> 00:09:43,310
Hey, sweetie.
261
00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:44,689
You were right, we deserve a night out.
262
00:09:44,713 --> 00:09:46,914
So, I just pushed all
my morning appointments.
263
00:09:46,948 --> 00:09:48,415
Which will be fine, I guess,
264
00:09:48,450 --> 00:09:50,428
it just means that I'll be
staying up 'til 1:00 A.M.
265
00:09:50,452 --> 00:09:52,686
on a Saturday, spaying
with a pretty shaky hand.
266
00:09:52,721 --> 00:09:54,922
Mm, that's so cute. What
can I get you to drink?
267
00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:56,323
Oh no, don't worry about that.
268
00:09:56,357 --> 00:09:58,158
After you used all of
my booze for your punch,
269
00:09:58,193 --> 00:09:59,860
the only alcohol left in my fridge
270
00:09:59,894 --> 00:10:02,663
was a few of your rum,
raspberry, coconut coolers.
271
00:10:02,697 --> 00:10:04,531
So I polished them off, and...
272
00:10:04,566 --> 00:10:06,410
it tasted like burnt plastic,
and I regretted it instantly.
273
00:10:06,434 --> 00:10:07,634
Woman: Hi, Ted!
274
00:10:07,669 --> 00:10:08,979
Only you would wear a little robe,
275
00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:11,939
and little slippers to a
high school slumber party.
276
00:10:11,973 --> 00:10:14,118
Oh, no, no, no. This is just
so that I didn't get cold
277
00:10:14,142 --> 00:10:15,676
on the way over.
278
00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:17,544
- All right!
- (Partygoers cheer)
279
00:10:17,579 --> 00:10:19,646
What is the game, because I'm up!
280
00:10:19,681 --> 00:10:21,115
Ohh! Wow.
281
00:10:21,149 --> 00:10:22,149
- Oh!
- Okay...
282
00:10:22,183 --> 00:10:23,951
Ted: Twyla!
283
00:10:23,985 --> 00:10:26,320
I'm not sure if it's
just the punch, but...
284
00:10:26,354 --> 00:10:28,050
he could get it!
285
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:31,058
Stevie, that's disgusting.
286
00:10:31,092 --> 00:10:33,093
Ted, can I get you a party shot?
287
00:10:33,128 --> 00:10:35,028
- Cool!
- Okay.
288
00:10:35,063 --> 00:10:36,964
- David?
- Wow.
289
00:10:36,998 --> 00:10:38,332
- Yeah.
- We have orange...
290
00:10:38,357 --> 00:10:40,355
- I'll take that.
- Yellow...
291
00:10:40,635 --> 00:10:42,136
(Blows a kiss)
292
00:10:52,246 --> 00:10:54,514
Hey! Do you wanna put
Emir away for a hot sec,
293
00:10:54,549 --> 00:10:57,384
so this game can keep going,
and the party can end soon?
294
00:10:57,409 --> 00:10:59,187
Oh, I'm good. I don't
wanna kiss anyone here.
295
00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:00,921
My sister's sitting in the circle,
296
00:11:00,955 --> 00:11:02,355
You think I'm dying to play?
297
00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:03,957
Thank you very much.
298
00:11:05,093 --> 00:11:07,127
(Sighs)
299
00:11:07,161 --> 00:11:09,162
(Alexis claps)
300
00:11:09,187 --> 00:11:10,954
(Gasps)
301
00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:13,837
Ohh!
302
00:11:14,168 --> 00:11:15,802
(Gasps) Oh!
303
00:11:17,728 --> 00:11:19,896
(Laughs) Okay!
304
00:11:22,276 --> 00:11:24,077
Babe, did you rig this?
305
00:11:24,102 --> 00:11:27,137
Maybe I did, and maybe I did!
306
00:11:27,181 --> 00:11:28,515
- Ooh!
- (Laughs)
307
00:11:28,549 --> 00:11:31,151
- Okay, go crazy, babe.
- Mhmm.
308
00:11:31,185 --> 00:11:33,453
All right, who's the lucky lady?
309
00:11:35,256 --> 00:11:38,792
- That's offensive.
- Okay, anyway, re-spin!
310
00:11:38,826 --> 00:11:40,571
Yeah, it actually looks
like it sorta landed
311
00:11:40,595 --> 00:11:42,262
- between two people.
- No, no, no, no!
312
00:11:42,296 --> 00:11:43,764
I know exactly who it landed on.
313
00:11:43,798 --> 00:11:45,132
Oh, Ted! That's not okay.
314
00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,900
Man, come here, big guy!
315
00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:48,145
- Mmmph!
- Partygoers: (Shocked gasps)
316
00:11:48,169 --> 00:11:49,803
Muah! (Laughs)
317
00:11:49,837 --> 00:11:51,698
Oh my (bleep) God.
318
00:11:52,507 --> 00:11:53,974
(Partygoers laugh)
319
00:11:54,008 --> 00:11:55,742
It looks like the punch needs a refill.
320
00:11:55,777 --> 00:11:57,544
Oh hey, I could use
a refill too, big guy.
321
00:11:57,578 --> 00:11:59,746
Okay, I don't know where
"big guy" is coming from,
322
00:11:59,781 --> 00:12:01,314
but it needs to stop.
323
00:12:01,349 --> 00:12:05,452
Um, I don't know about
you, but I smell drama.
324
00:12:05,486 --> 00:12:07,220
Twyla: Okay, my turn!
325
00:12:07,255 --> 00:12:09,623
Moira: (In movie) You know
Helen, despite everything...
326
00:12:09,657 --> 00:12:11,158
Oh, if it weren't for Joyce Dewitt
327
00:12:11,192 --> 00:12:13,593
insisting on wearing those pigtails,
328
00:12:13,628 --> 00:12:15,857
this movie could've been a hit!
329
00:12:16,731 --> 00:12:18,431
We're supposed to be astrophysicists,
330
00:12:18,466 --> 00:12:19,699
it just takes you out of it.
331
00:12:19,734 --> 00:12:22,138
And yet, she, she gets the close up!
332
00:12:23,171 --> 00:12:25,505
- Well, that was shocking.
- I know, right?
333
00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:27,774
And I get the aerial
shot for my love scene.
334
00:12:27,809 --> 00:12:29,576
No, no, I'm talking about the kid.
335
00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:31,611
To think this little thing could...
336
00:12:31,646 --> 00:12:33,747
create so much destruction.
337
00:12:33,781 --> 00:12:36,416
Oh, you've completed
the diaper substitution.
338
00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:39,357
Aren't you the Sephardic Mr. Clean!
339
00:12:39,587 --> 00:12:43,021
Well, I did the kid, but
I'm not doing the bathroom.
340
00:12:43,758 --> 00:12:45,836
It appears you may need a
change yourself, Mr. Rose.
341
00:12:45,861 --> 00:12:48,362
What is that on your shoulder?
342
00:12:49,363 --> 00:12:51,364
Oh Moira, he spit up on me.
343
00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:52,999
(Baby gurgles)
344
00:12:53,024 --> 00:12:54,891
And he's spit up in the playpen!
345
00:12:54,916 --> 00:12:57,851
Ew! That cannot be good, John!
346
00:12:57,876 --> 00:13:01,083
Its body is ejecting things,
what did you do to it?!
347
00:13:01,108 --> 00:13:03,677
Nothing! I-I changed
his diaper, that's all.
348
00:13:03,711 --> 00:13:06,213
Well, perhaps you've swaddled
its abdomen too tightly,
349
00:13:06,238 --> 00:13:09,106
Or maybe it's allergic to something.
350
00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,251
John, did you feed it shellfish?
351
00:13:11,285 --> 00:13:12,719
What did you do?!
352
00:13:12,753 --> 00:13:15,088
I've gotta wipe him up, and
change his clothes again.
353
00:13:15,122 --> 00:13:17,657
For all we know, it's
got crawling pneumonia.
354
00:13:17,692 --> 00:13:20,227
Oh, he doesn't have
crawling pneumonia, Moira!
355
00:13:20,261 --> 00:13:21,895
I don't want to say I told you so,
356
00:13:21,929 --> 00:13:23,563
but this is an infelicitous burden.
357
00:13:23,598 --> 00:13:25,398
I could be at Ronnie's right now,
358
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:27,834
preparing for the post-screening Q&A.
359
00:13:27,869 --> 00:13:29,603
Well then, go to Ronnie's!
360
00:13:29,637 --> 00:13:32,372
Because I've gotta get
him a change of clothes.
361
00:13:32,406 --> 00:13:34,608
Well, at least put the gloves back on.
362
00:13:36,911 --> 00:13:38,478
John, it says right here,
363
00:13:38,512 --> 00:13:40,695
spitting up is normal.
364
00:13:42,183 --> 00:13:44,703
Jocelyn's written, "Spit happens."
365
00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:46,586
Very clever.
366
00:13:47,688 --> 00:13:48,914
For Jocelyn.
367
00:13:49,690 --> 00:13:51,625
(Moira's talks in movie)
368
00:13:51,659 --> 00:13:53,760
Partygoers: (Grunting noises)
369
00:13:53,794 --> 00:13:55,528
Oh my God, they just need to chill.
370
00:13:55,563 --> 00:13:56,763
David: Okay, I'm done.
371
00:13:56,797 --> 00:13:58,431
Who chose this theme, anyway?
372
00:13:58,466 --> 00:14:00,500
It was a mistake.
373
00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:02,669
(Sighs) What are you
guys doing over here?
374
00:14:02,703 --> 00:14:04,804
You remind me of me at
a high school house party
375
00:14:04,839 --> 00:14:06,606
judging all the
attractive and popular kids
376
00:14:06,641 --> 00:14:08,375
for being attractive and popular.
377
00:14:08,409 --> 00:14:10,143
David, do you have
anything you wanna say
378
00:14:10,177 --> 00:14:12,579
- to me and Patrick?
- Actually, yes.
379
00:14:12,613 --> 00:14:14,481
Now, as an attractive and popular kid
380
00:14:14,515 --> 00:14:16,917
at a house party, I can confidently say,
381
00:14:16,951 --> 00:14:19,386
- it's very fun.
- That's it?
382
00:14:19,420 --> 00:14:21,254
That's all you have to say?
383
00:14:21,289 --> 00:14:22,722
What's going on here?
384
00:14:22,757 --> 00:14:24,324
Mm, things got effed,
385
00:14:24,358 --> 00:14:26,293
and we're not having fun anymore.
386
00:14:26,327 --> 00:14:28,895
For what it's worth,
I'm having a great time.
387
00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:30,297
You're like a tsetse fly.
388
00:14:30,331 --> 00:14:31,964
Where's your cell phone boyfriend?
389
00:14:32,199 --> 00:14:34,401
- On my cell phone.
- Okay.
390
00:14:34,435 --> 00:14:35,869
You're not having fun?
391
00:14:35,903 --> 00:14:38,042
I don't know David, sure.
392
00:14:38,339 --> 00:14:40,540
What exactly did I do wrong here?
393
00:14:40,574 --> 00:14:42,208
Oh, I don't know. David,
394
00:14:42,243 --> 00:14:44,177
mmm, was it the time
you kissed my boyfriend?
395
00:14:44,211 --> 00:14:47,547
Or... was it the time
you kissed my boyfriend?
396
00:14:47,581 --> 00:14:49,459
I think it was the time
you kissed her boyfriend.
397
00:14:49,483 --> 00:14:51,618
Okay, he kissed me!
398
00:14:51,652 --> 00:14:53,687
And I was just told to have some fun.
399
00:14:53,721 --> 00:14:55,162
So I played the game.
400
00:14:55,187 --> 00:14:57,123
I'm sorry that the bottle landed on me.
401
00:14:57,158 --> 00:14:59,392
Hm, technically it landed
between you and Stevie, so.
402
00:14:59,417 --> 00:15:00,310
Yeah.
403
00:15:00,335 --> 00:15:02,239
Okay, so you're upset
about this as well, then?
404
00:15:02,263 --> 00:15:03,573
- Looks like it.
- Patrick: No, I'm not!
405
00:15:03,597 --> 00:15:05,465
I'm not upset. I just, I guess I wonder
406
00:15:05,499 --> 00:15:08,034
how you would react if
the tables were turned.
407
00:15:08,069 --> 00:15:09,346
Yeah David, like, what would you do
408
00:15:09,370 --> 00:15:11,738
if Patrick and I suddenly
kissed at a party?
409
00:15:11,772 --> 00:15:13,239
- Yeah.
- Or Patrick and me.
410
00:15:13,274 --> 00:15:15,044
Okay, we're done with you.
411
00:15:15,343 --> 00:15:16,609
It was spin the bottle!
412
00:15:16,644 --> 00:15:19,446
If Patrick was wasted,
and spun the bottle,
413
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,715
and it landed on you,
and you guys kissed,
414
00:15:21,749 --> 00:15:24,217
- I wouldn't care.
- You're lying, David.
415
00:15:24,251 --> 00:15:25,752
Okay, is that what needs to happen
416
00:15:25,786 --> 00:15:27,821
to clear the air here?
You guys need to kiss?
417
00:15:27,855 --> 00:15:29,499
- David, let's not be dramatic.
- Yeah, maybe it does.
418
00:15:29,523 --> 00:15:31,091
- What?
- Well, by all means.
419
00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:33,036
I think it's actually more
the principle of the thing...
420
00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:35,061
- Okay, here we go.
- Hmm!
421
00:15:38,499 --> 00:15:40,667
- (Sighs)
- Is that really...
422
00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:43,294
Uh huh.
423
00:15:43,838 --> 00:15:45,905
Mmm! Mmmm!
424
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:48,041
(Smooching sounds)
425
00:15:48,075 --> 00:15:50,410
Mmmmmmmm!
426
00:15:50,444 --> 00:15:52,679
Yum. That was fun.
427
00:15:52,713 --> 00:15:54,914
Hey, are we spinning more bottles?
428
00:15:54,949 --> 00:15:56,249
Uh, was that fun for you guys?
429
00:15:56,283 --> 00:15:59,419
- That like, satisfying?
- I was never not okay. So.
430
00:15:59,453 --> 00:16:02,188
It was really good for me.
431
00:16:02,223 --> 00:16:03,590
I say we play truth or dare.
432
00:16:03,624 --> 00:16:05,091
Oh Stevie, I'm in!
433
00:16:05,126 --> 00:16:06,740
Oh no, Ted.
434
00:16:07,161 --> 00:16:08,472
Get your housecoat
and your other slipper.
435
00:16:08,496 --> 00:16:10,818
It is time to go.
436
00:16:11,065 --> 00:16:12,966
- You got it, big guy.
- Okay.
437
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,335
Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry.
438
00:16:15,369 --> 00:16:16,836
Good game!
439
00:16:16,871 --> 00:16:19,205
(Crickets chirp)
440
00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:20,505
Look at him.
441
00:16:21,591 --> 00:16:23,771
Awful peaceful when he's sleeping.
442
00:16:25,144 --> 00:16:26,378
(Moira talks in movie)
443
00:16:29,050 --> 00:16:30,990
Well, we did it, sweetheart.
444
00:16:31,617 --> 00:16:33,985
And, uh...
445
00:16:34,145 --> 00:16:36,379
what do you think we've
learned here today?
446
00:16:36,524 --> 00:16:39,115
That Adelina was grossly underpaid.
447
00:16:39,759 --> 00:16:42,828
No, I mean, we could've been good,
448
00:16:42,924 --> 00:16:45,325
hands-on parents if we wanted to.
449
00:16:45,493 --> 00:16:46,960
We've got it in us.
450
00:16:46,986 --> 00:16:48,787
That was never in question, John.
451
00:16:48,869 --> 00:16:51,538
I'm even more convinced
that our hands-off approach
452
00:16:51,563 --> 00:16:52,997
served them better.
453
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,176
Moira: (In movie) I'll go,
but not without my cousin!
454
00:16:56,201 --> 00:16:58,169
That had its moments.
455
00:16:58,212 --> 00:17:01,214
When it shone, it shone brightly.
456
00:17:01,248 --> 00:17:03,183
And I have to hand it to DeWitt.
457
00:17:03,217 --> 00:17:05,761
She had a real breakthrough
during the denouement.
458
00:17:06,353 --> 00:17:09,489
I believe she believed we were cousins.
459
00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:11,492
(Soft knocking)
460
00:17:11,855 --> 00:17:13,856
- John?
- (Snoring)
461
00:17:15,096 --> 00:17:18,074
- (Light taps)
- (TV shuts off)
462
00:17:22,369 --> 00:17:24,270
- Roland: Oh, hello!
- Moira: Shh! Shh! Shh!
463
00:17:24,305 --> 00:17:26,473
- Greet... what?!
- Shh!
464
00:17:26,507 --> 00:17:28,475
- What?
- I just put him down!
465
00:17:28,509 --> 00:17:31,277
Oh my gosh, you got
little Roland Jr. to sleep?
466
00:17:31,312 --> 00:17:32,745
Oh no, I'm talking about John.
467
00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:33,409
Oh.
468
00:17:33,475 --> 00:17:35,800
No, Roland's been asleep
for quite some time.
469
00:17:35,825 --> 00:17:38,059
And everything was
fine? No major problems?
470
00:17:38,084 --> 00:17:41,353
He is a slice of meringue, Jocelyn.
471
00:17:41,531 --> 00:17:43,999
You know, I don't know if uh...
472
00:17:44,024 --> 00:17:46,526
I'm just all zen'd out
from an hour and a half
473
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,129
of Linda's magic fingers on me,
474
00:17:49,163 --> 00:17:52,398
but I can actually see
myself leaving Roland Jr.
475
00:17:52,433 --> 00:17:53,666
With you people more often.
476
00:17:53,701 --> 00:17:55,464
Ah!
477
00:17:55,703 --> 00:17:57,414
Well, that something
Linda might want to massage
478
00:17:57,439 --> 00:18:00,007
right out of your mind,
the next appointment.
479
00:18:00,032 --> 00:18:01,633
I actually have Ron the next time,
480
00:18:01,675 --> 00:18:04,003
we like to mix it up a little bit.
481
00:18:05,114 --> 00:18:06,825
And with that, I believe
your little inchling
482
00:18:06,850 --> 00:18:09,452
is out past its curfew.
483
00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:11,651
Oh, you get the binger,
I'll get the baby.
484
00:18:11,685 --> 00:18:13,510
Okay.
485
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,261
Ohh, jeez.
486
00:18:16,286 --> 00:18:17,819
Look at him.
487
00:18:18,092 --> 00:18:20,793
You know, I almost think I like
him better asleep than awake.
488
00:18:25,963 --> 00:18:29,399
- (Johnny grunts)
- He's on my side.
489
00:18:30,137 --> 00:18:31,504
Bye bye.
490
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,913
- (Door slams)
- What?
491
00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:37,619
Oh, shh!
492
00:18:39,013 --> 00:18:41,981
(Garbage bag rustles)
493
00:18:44,646 --> 00:18:46,146
(Garbage clatters)
494
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,365
Ahem! I'm just gonna
take the garbage out.
495
00:18:48,389 --> 00:18:49,722
Okay.
496
00:18:49,747 --> 00:18:50,991
Yeah, and if I don't come back,
497
00:18:51,025 --> 00:18:53,226
it's probably because
I've run off with Ted.
498
00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:55,028
Thanks for the heads up.
499
00:18:55,062 --> 00:18:56,362
We're just gonna go for a ride,
500
00:18:56,397 --> 00:18:57,630
see where it takes us.
501
00:18:57,665 --> 00:18:59,899
Maybe start a vet clinic
somewhere along the way.
502
00:18:59,934 --> 00:19:02,302
He'll the animals back to heath, I'll...
503
00:19:02,327 --> 00:19:04,195
offer grooming services.
504
00:19:04,238 --> 00:19:06,504
Okay, you know what?
505
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,655
Maybe I overreacted for a second.
506
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,079
I was just talking to Alexis,
507
00:19:13,113 --> 00:19:14,524
and we sorta wound each other worked up.
508
00:19:14,548 --> 00:19:16,316
- And Stevie didn't help.
- Stevie never helps.
509
00:19:16,350 --> 00:19:19,018
So I didn't love seeing my boyfriend
510
00:19:19,043 --> 00:19:21,277
kissing some other guy.
511
00:19:21,322 --> 00:19:23,371
I'm sorry, are you
saying you were jealous?
512
00:19:24,325 --> 00:19:26,626
David, I'm not playing
this game with you.
513
00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:28,127
No, you just said you didn't like
514
00:19:28,162 --> 00:19:30,230
seeing your boyfriend
kissing another guy.
515
00:19:30,264 --> 00:19:32,198
Okay, fine. He's a handsome guy.
516
00:19:32,233 --> 00:19:33,476
I might've been a little jealous.
517
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:34,844
So, you think he's handsome then?
518
00:19:34,868 --> 00:19:37,570
What? (Sighs) He's
like-he goes to the gym.
519
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:39,272
- Goes to the gym?
- Oh my God.
520
00:19:39,306 --> 00:19:41,908
Wow, okay, so when you
said you were jealous,
521
00:19:41,942 --> 00:19:44,177
were you saying you were jealous of him,
522
00:19:44,211 --> 00:19:45,578
or jealous of me?
523
00:19:45,613 --> 00:19:48,653
Because I thought you were
saying you were jealous of him.
524
00:19:49,416 --> 00:19:50,683
Both?
525
00:19:50,718 --> 00:19:52,185
Not the answer I was looking for.
526
00:19:52,219 --> 00:19:53,184
Hey.
527
00:19:54,655 --> 00:19:55,922
Mhmm?
528
00:19:55,947 --> 00:19:57,091
I wonder what would've happened
529
00:19:57,116 --> 00:19:59,784
- if we had met in high school.
- Hmm.
530
00:19:59,827 --> 00:20:02,996
Well, unless you were into candy ravers
531
00:20:03,021 --> 00:20:04,722
with asymmetrical haircuts
532
00:20:04,765 --> 00:20:06,499
and a lot of pacifier necklaces,
533
00:20:06,524 --> 00:20:08,525
I think our paths
crossed at the right time.
534
00:20:13,222 --> 00:20:14,556
How jealous, though?
535
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:16,282
Why don't you take out the garbage?
536
00:20:16,443 --> 00:20:18,645
- How jealous were you?
- Nope!
537
00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:20,804
Scale of one to ten.
538
00:20:20,848 --> 00:20:23,316
- Like, enraged, or...
- Bye, bye.
539
00:20:23,350 --> 00:20:25,151
Like fuming, did you sweat?
540
00:20:28,231 --> 00:20:30,684
- That was fun.
- Yes
541
00:20:30,709 --> 00:20:34,233
- That was really fun. Did you have fun?
- Yes.
542
00:20:34,270 --> 00:20:36,538
- Did everyone had fun?
- Yes, Ted.
543
00:20:36,572 --> 00:20:39,674
That's good, it's good
that everyone had fun.
544
00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:41,119
Okay, you still have your slippers on,
545
00:20:41,143 --> 00:20:42,788
Yeah, I know, sometimes
my feet get really cold
546
00:20:42,812 --> 00:20:45,380
- when I drink too much.
- It's not a thing.
547
00:20:45,414 --> 00:20:47,382
- Okay, well, gimme a kiss.
- No!
548
00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:49,050
You kissed my brother tonight,
549
00:20:49,085 --> 00:20:51,086
I'm not kissing you after
you kissed my brother.
550
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:53,888
Pffft! Who kissed your brother?
551
00:20:53,923 --> 00:20:56,825
Okay, it's time for "Fun
Ted" to just pass out.
552
00:20:56,859 --> 00:20:59,260
No, he's not even tired.
In fact, if anything,
553
00:20:59,295 --> 00:21:02,097
I'd say he's only becoming more fun.
554
00:21:02,131 --> 00:21:04,265
Okay. Okay! Okay! Okay!
555
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:07,302
I think we should just
like, sleep it off.
556
00:21:07,336 --> 00:21:09,371
Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.
557
00:21:09,415 --> 00:21:11,549
But first just give your brother a kiss.
558
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,074
- Ew, Ted, Ew!
- Come on.
559
00:21:13,109 --> 00:21:15,677
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
560
00:21:15,711 --> 00:21:18,380
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! That's you.
561
00:21:19,138 --> 00:21:24,138
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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