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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:04,236
( harmonica wails )
2
00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:06,205
Hi, can I borrow
some sugar?
3
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:10,009
No, I only have 21
and a half bags left.
4
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,144
Well, we can't
stay long anyway
5
00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:14,246
'cause we're off
to see the...
6
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:18,083
P-e-d-I-a...
7
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,591
"atrician."
8
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:29,862
Why are you going
to the foot doctor?
9
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,132
We're gonna have a little talk
about andy's verbal skills.
10
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:36,435
Oh, why?
Is he still tankin' all his job interviews?
11
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,438
I'm just worried
about the way he's saying his words.
12
00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,707
Like, he won't say
"triangle."
13
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,676
He says "tri-an-gle."
14
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,878
Or "hel-lo."
15
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,883
Pauly shore makes millions
of dollars saying that.
16
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,556
So they're just gonna
run some tests,
17
00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:00,259
Check his palette,
make sure his hearing's all right.
18
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,861
I'm gonna borrow your book
on child development, okay?
19
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:04,596
Yeah, but it's
really old.
20
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:08,434
You probably should
ignore that chapter on the heartbreak of polio.
21
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,504
Hi, andy.
22
00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:14,239
What you got here?
This is cool.
23
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,041
Let me push
this thing.
24
00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:17,576
Toy:
hel-lo.
25
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:21,246
Can you find
the tri-an-gle?
26
00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:31,357
Jackie!
27
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,927
( theme music playing )
28
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,567
( Roseanne laughs )
29
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,875
A toast, my dear,
30
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,177
To my
six-months'-scheduled
31
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:28,714
Cost-of-living-
50�-an-hour pay increase.
32
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,349
Ding.
33
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,685
The joke's on them
'cause your cost of living
34
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:35,254
Only went up
40� an hour.
35
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,655
You proud of me?
36
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:40,459
What a man, what a man,
what a mighty good man.
37
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,361
( knock on door )
38
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:45,631
- hey, Dan.
- Chuck, bob.
39
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,499
What are youse
guys up to?
40
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,702
Um, you know.
41
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,437
Nothin'.
42
00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:02,247
I guess we'll
see you later.
43
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:05,284
We kind of wanted to talk
to Dan about something,
44
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,618
- Rosie.
- yeah.
45
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,253
It's kind
of a guy thing.
46
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,988
Oh, really?
47
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:14,927
Oh, no wonder i'm starting
to feel all shy and giggly.
48
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:20,599
Uh, Dan?
Have you heard about the minimum-security prison
49
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,334
They're building
outside of town?
50
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:24,803
They're building
a prison in Lanford?
51
00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:28,407
No wonder
the beauty parlor's been so crowded lately.
52
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:37,082
Um, well, they're--
they're spending millions on this thing.
53
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,451
And we were wondering
if maybe
54
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:41,954
You'd be interested in getting
the old crew together
55
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,856
And putting a bid in
on the drywalling?
56
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:45,824
Look, I know you got it
good at the garage,
57
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,527
But this'd be
a chance to make a pretty good chunk of dough.
58
00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:50,195
( sighs )
59
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:52,398
Look, guys, I appreciate
you thinking of me,
60
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,966
But i'm pretty happy
where I am.
61
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,901
And he's not kidding.
62
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:59,772
That couch under him
has hardly even faded.
63
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,006
Are you sure, Dan?
64
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,742
I mean,
it's gonna be a bundle.
65
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,478
- everyone in this town's
gonna get rich. - really?
66
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:10,115
Great, that gives us
an excuse to leave.
67
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:13,686
- look, guys, i'm sorry.
- hey, man, it's all right. It's all right.
68
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:16,422
Yeah, maybe i'll apply
to be a guard.
69
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,190
Picture me as a guard?
70
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:23,362
I can picture you
as a hostage.
71
00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:28,567
Well, if you change
your mind, let us know, okay?
72
00:04:28,568 --> 00:04:30,569
- come on, bob.
- yeah, okay.
73
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:35,407
Boy, you know,
I always wondered what that canadian beer tastes like.
74
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,710
- really?
- yeah.
75
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,714
It's really good.
76
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,722
Thanks.
77
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,759
One less thing
to wonder about.
78
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,563
( foreign accent )
now, my dear...
79
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:02,868
I believe we
were celebrating.
80
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:06,071
What shall it be first,
the sex or the violence?
81
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:10,309
If you're any good
at the sex, I won't need to use the violence.
82
00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:19,451
He's almost got
our new computer all hooked up.
83
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:22,521
I'm gonna learn how
to do the bookkeeping for the diner on that.
84
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,990
Somehow.
( laughs )
85
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,192
And you're gonna have fun
on that too, honey.
86
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:28,927
You're not gonna need
that old thing anymore,
87
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:31,497
'cause that magic box
sings and talks
88
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,232
And plays music.
89
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,168
It's kind of like grandma
after her second manhattan.
90
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,339
Okay, i've got you
all set up here.
91
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:44,376
All right, just show me
the instruction pamphlet and away I go.
92
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,250
Dear god,
what have I done?
93
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,820
It's not that hard.
You can do this.
94
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,255
Don't be frightened.
95
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,057
- oh.
- come here, little man.
96
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,259
Now, are--
97
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:03,028
Aren't these supposed
to give out some sort of a death ray?
98
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,533
Not unless you press
"control-alt-death ray."
99
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,468
Take it back.
100
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,471
It's not that hard.
101
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:14,973
Here's that
a-b-c software I was telling you about.
102
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:18,143
- ( beeps )
- and this one here will teach little andy how to count.
103
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,845
Is that big bird?
104
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:21,113
That's him.
105
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,048
Well that--
well, okay.
106
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,184
This can't be
that bad, huh?
107
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:28,020
I also set you up
at america online.
108
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:31,156
Just click click
and you're on the internet.
109
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:32,257
( modem dialing )
110
00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:35,294
( clicking,buzzing )
111
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,329
( giggling )
112
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,101
You can get news,
you can talk to people, it's really cool.
113
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:45,671
Hey, can this thing
play pong?
114
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,375
Okay, uh...
115
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,143
I gotta get going
to work,
116
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:54,279
So have fun and if
you have any problems, just give me a call.
117
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,552
A.O.L. Voice:
welcome.
118
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:01,954
You've got mail.
119
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,794
Hello?
120
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,677
Dan:
gee! D'oh!
121
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,245
Who put that there--?
122
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,614
( crashes )
oh!
123
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,149
Who put that there?
124
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,488
Why don't you just
turn on the light?
125
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,357
I didn't want
to wake you.
126
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,561
It's this whole prison
drywall thing.
127
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:43,929
I can't get it
out of my mind.
128
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:45,364
Am I crazy, Roseanne?
129
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,765
Should I go for it?
130
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,000
Yes.
131
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,868
You gave that
no thought at all.
132
00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:51,537
Now should I do it?
133
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,105
No.
134
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,573
Roseanne!
135
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:57,576
Do you think we could
talk about this later, Dan?
136
00:07:57,577 --> 00:08:00,679
Come on now, you're ruining
our quality time together.
137
00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:04,850
I'm serious, honey.
138
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,585
Well, you already
told 'em no.
139
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:10,255
What happened to the
i've-got-a-great-job- at-the-garage thing?
140
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,791
Is-- is it such
a great job?
141
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:17,196
Well yeah, I mean it's
the first steady money we've ever had coming in.
142
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:20,532
Except for that coupon scam
we ran in the '70s.
143
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:21,667
( knock at door )
144
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:22,835
What?
145
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,303
Just a reminder.
146
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,472
My bedroom's
right above yours.
147
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,440
Well yeah,
sorry we woke you.
148
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,509
But now that you're up,
go mow the lawn.
149
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,880
Now let's just look
at the pros and cons.
150
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,416
Now it's true,
the garage is steady.
151
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,418
And even if I got
this prison job,
152
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:42,087
That doesn't mean
there's another job around the corner.
153
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,523
So work slow.
154
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,059
But the garage
is boring.
155
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:50,562
It fries my mind.
I come home every night, i'm like a zombie.
156
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:54,099
Yeah, not like when you
were doing the drywall
157
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,503
And you came home
and you'd put on all those puppet shows.
158
00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:01,707
You'd wear those
straw hats and strum that ukulele.
159
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,743
- ( pounds )
- what?
160
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:08,047
Yes, we know.
Your bedroom is beneath ours.
161
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,749
No, not that.
I was getting something to drink
162
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,651
And the word
ukulele caught my ear.
163
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:14,820
I love the ukulele.
Do you have a ukulele?
164
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,455
Night.
165
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,723
Night.
166
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,024
Good night.
167
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,364
Now i'll lose all
my city benefits if I quit.
168
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,266
But i'd be making
twice as much money
169
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,701
Working for the prison.
170
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,770
But it's a gamble,
and should we be gambling
171
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,105
With a new baby?
172
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,607
Yeah, Dan,
you know...
173
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:39,511
When conners gamble,
conners lose.
174
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,146
Of course,
175
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:44,116
There was that time
at the state fair
176
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:47,820
Where you made
that frog land on that lily pad.
177
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,388
No.
178
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:53,192
Plus we got the diner.
We got two mortgages.
179
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,894
Yeah, and the diner
needs new wallpaper
180
00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:57,429
And appliances
181
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,299
And some of them
golden arches.
182
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,302
Okay, well,
it's settled. That's it.
183
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:04,670
I'm sticking
where I am.
184
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,305
Hallelujah.
185
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,415
Hey, Dan?
186
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,617
Yeah?
187
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,286
Since you woke me up,
I just want you to know
188
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,123
That i'm gonna have
some trouble getting back to sleep.
189
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,290
So?
190
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,393
So that means
you are too.
191
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,397
I knew that.
192
00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:37,403
- Dan?
- yeah.
193
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,004
Just checking.
194
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:47,713
My name is mommy
and I will be your waitress tonight.
195
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,349
We have specials
on the menu
196
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,718
Including tender
sweet peas,
197
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,853
Turkey in
its own broth,
198
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,389
And peaches.
199
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,692
I know these are good
'cause me and your dad
200
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,927
Make peach daiquiris
out of them.
201
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,366
How long have I
been a waitress?
202
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,068
Well, not very long.
203
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:11,470
And i'm just doing it
204
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,572
Till an acting job
opens up.
205
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,443
And your dad fixes
trucks for the city
206
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,645
And he's only
doing that
207
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,413
Till another one
breaks.
208
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:27,953
The best thing
about your dad's job is that it's secure.
209
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,455
You know?
210
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:32,424
Because the last
big risk we took
211
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:35,327
Was having you and that
was a very big risk,
212
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,831
But that's just the kind
of people we are.
213
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,733
Or were.
214
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,403
I know what
you're thinking.
215
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:47,706
You're thinking,
"well, since you took such a big risk with me...
216
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,778
And that turned out
so good,
217
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,713
How come you're
playing it safe now?"
218
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,417
Quit grilling me.
219
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,554
Because,
220
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,057
See,
221
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,627
Risks are
for younger people,
222
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,295
Not us.
223
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,366
See, when you get to be
me and your dad's age,
224
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,302
You want to know that
you can do the same thing over and over again,
225
00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:21,373
You know, till you die.
226
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:29,581
Okay, so let's just
hypothetically say
227
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,117
That your dad does take
this job at the prison, right?
228
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:35,387
And what about
when that job's over?
229
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:36,989
Then what is
he gonna do?
230
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,625
'course, the way this
country's going now,
231
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:43,228
I think they're always
gonna be building new prisons.
232
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,365
Yeah, 'cause, you know,
233
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:49,435
The way people hardly have
to pay for what they do at all,
234
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,471
It kind of makes crime
look like a really good thing to get into.
235
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,973
So a lot more people are
gonna be doing it, you know?
236
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:58,277
And just by the sheer odds,
a lot more of them are gonna get caught.
237
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,447
So I think they're gonna be
building a lot of prisons, man.
238
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,717
I think those things are
gonna start going up faster than starbucks.
239
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:10,022
Yeah, and then, like,
the people in these prisons
240
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,024
You know, they're gonna
need to eat.
241
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,259
So me and Jackie,
maybe we get in on the ground floor
242
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:17,062
- with some catering kind
of business, you know? - ( door closes )
243
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,631
And pretty soon convicts
from all over the world
244
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,735
Will be coming
to eat loose meat in Lanford, Illinois.
245
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:26,605
Dan?
246
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,675
That's it. You're quitting
that boring job at the city,
247
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,677
And you're gonna apply
for that construction bid.
248
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,879
Whoa whoa whoa
whoa whoa whoa. What?
249
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,647
No, i've really been
thinking about this
250
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,317
For, you know,
the last couple of minutes,
251
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,620
And this is a big
opportunity here
252
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,722
And I think
we should take it.
253
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:47,659
Roseanne, is this
your way of telling me that you drank all my beer?
254
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,828
No, I was just
sitting here,
255
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,864
And I was talking
to the baby and--
256
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:54,633
Okay, this sounds
pretty grounded already.
257
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:57,736
No, Dan,
he made me realize
258
00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:00,105
That the thing that was
always so great about us
259
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,841
Is that we always
took a chance, you know?
260
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,744
And this is a chance.
261
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:09,615
Honey, you're
going awful fast here. Slow down a minute.
262
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,784
You know
you want to do this.
263
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:13,318
Let's take the risk.
264
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:15,921
Look at him, Dan.
265
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:17,923
He is just
the greatest success
266
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:19,658
We have ever had.
267
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,894
Something's in the air.
268
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:25,397
I mean, look it,
Darlene gets offered all these really great jobs
269
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,333
And becky's applying
to colleges
270
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,435
And everything's
changing, Dan. It's like
271
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,670
We're on some huge
cosmic roll now.
272
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:33,505
I guess.
273
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:36,709
Maybe we should go for it.
All right, let's go for it.
274
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,110
Yeah!
275
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,879
All right, here.
Take over.
276
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,849
'cause this is my last day
as a city employee's wife,
277
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:46,085
So, fedco, here I come.
278
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,093
Just brought over some more
software for andy.
279
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,828
Hey, you're on
the internet.
280
00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:58,430
Looks like you really got
the hang of that thing, huh?
281
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,799
I've just been
playing around with it a little bit.
282
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,735
I brought over
"treasure math storm."
283
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,371
It's a little old,
but let me put it in.
284
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,439
No, David!
David,
285
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,942
I'm just
right in the middle of something here.
286
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,410
Sorry.
287
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:16,248
Jackie, aren't those
the same clothes you had on yesterday?
288
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,153
I don't know, maybe.
Clothes are clothes. What's your point?
289
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,422
Are you all right?
290
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,025
God, have you even
left this thing since I last saw you?
291
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:29,595
David, i'm fine.
I'm sorry, i'm just a little distracted.
292
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,644
So how's school?
293
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:53,952
I graduated last spring.
You were there.
294
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:57,389
Good good, so you got
finals coming up then?
295
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,527
Jackie, are you
even listening to me?
296
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,228
I'm fine.
297
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,902
Oh my god,
you haven't left this thing.
298
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,637
You're addicted
to the internet.
299
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,138
- no, i'm not.
- yes, you are.
300
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,474
I've seen this before.
I lost two friends to this.
301
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,976
They were weak.
They were weak, I am strong.
302
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,912
- where's andy?
- he's fine.
303
00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:22,648
He's in his room with his toys.
I've got him on the monitor.
304
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,384
Okay, Jackie.
I think it's time to turn off the computer--
305
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:27,786
No no, not now, David.
I'm learning useful things.
306
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,688
I'm growing as a person.
307
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,224
You're in the "urkel"
chat room.
308
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,362
What?
309
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,496
What are you doing?
310
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,931
I'm gonna unplug you,
Jackie.
311
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:40,132
David, get away
from that right now...
312
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,734
This is for
your own good, Jackie.
313
00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:44,169
Wait a second, dav--
oh god!
314
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,908
You can't treat me
like this!
315
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,677
Plug me back in.
316
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,279
I'll quit tomorrow,
I promise.
317
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,851
Don't take it
from me now, man!
318
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,722
I need it.
Just five more minutes.
319
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:10,896
I hate you!
320
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:14,133
Jackie,
look at yourself.
321
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,404
( moans )
322
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:21,340
What time is it?
323
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,343
Okay, um,
come on.
324
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,845
Let's go in the kitchen.
I'll fix us both some tea, okay?
325
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,480
- okay.
- come on.
326
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,649
( moans )
327
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,634
- she's here.
- she's here.
328
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,304
- did you get it?
- we don't know.
329
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,506
We were waiting
till you got here to open the envelope.
330
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,974
You'd better
have got it,
331
00:17:55,975 --> 00:18:00,012
'cause I had to sleep
with the architect and the warden.
332
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,181
Long wait's over,
boys.
333
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,283
Rejection or selection,
this is it.
334
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:08,120
Wow. I've never
gotten anything in a big brown envelope
335
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:11,056
That I could open
in front of other people.
336
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:18,897
I'm-- i'm sort of
afraid to open it.
337
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:21,767
So?
Who's gonna do it?
338
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,169
People say
luck is a lady.
339
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:27,006
So you want me to go
find you a lady?
340
00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:28,173
Come on,
Roseanne!
341
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:30,042
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah, all right.
342
00:18:33,747 --> 00:18:36,048
- oh jeez.
- what what what what?
343
00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:39,284
I can't get that song,
"afternoon delight" out of my head.
344
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,786
Roseanne!
345
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,524
You got it.
346
00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:58,404
This will get me
out of debt
347
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,773
And I can take that
vacation to the bahamas.
348
00:19:00,774 --> 00:19:04,309
Oh man, this is
a big-screen tv, a new truck, a pair of cowboy boots.
349
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,679
I'll take the rest
on a gift certificate.
350
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:12,518
Dan, we hit it so big,
I can't believe it.
351
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:15,654
We're gonna be able
to pay off the house and the cars.
352
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,023
And you know what we're
gonna end up with, Dan?
353
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,859
A crappy house
and two crappy cars.
354
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:25,397
Well, I guess my reputation
in the construction industry
355
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,299
Is still top-notch.
356
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,034
I hate to blow
my own horn.
357
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,403
Oh come on, honey,
for me, please.
358
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,639
Woooo!
359
00:19:36,810 --> 00:19:39,244
Thanks for standing
behind me on this one, honey.
360
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:41,780
Yeah well, I was back there
making faces anyway.
361
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:45,217
"please be available
to get together, blah blah blah...
362
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,020
Complete list
of employees, blah blah blah...
363
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,089
Please inform us of
any ownership changes
364
00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:52,624
As this decision
is partially based
365
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,960
On your
minority-owned status."
366
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,266
I don't get it.
367
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,235
( cackles )
368
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,475
I do.
369
00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:13,245
Hold it.
Hold it.
370
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:18,083
We got this job
because you're black.
371
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,520
Well, I mean, god,
does that mean
372
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:23,288
That we're not
the best men for the job?
373
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,859
No, bob, we're the best.
374
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:29,695
And we know we're
the best and we got the stuff to back it up.
375
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:31,196
We just got a break.
376
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,232
And damn, it's good
to finally get one.
377
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,200
I've been working
so many years, man,
378
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:38,337
And watching
other guys somehow get all the breaks.
379
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,206
Well, now I got one
and I earned it.
380
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:42,374
We all earned it.
381
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,709
Nice going, partner.
382
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,444
Couldn't have done it
without you.
383
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,813
Well actually,
I guess I could have.
384
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:52,918
I'm gonna call up
my old lady.
385
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,887
Yeah. And i'm
gonna call...
386
00:20:54,888 --> 00:20:58,524
No, i'm gonna get one
of them canadian beers.
387
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,862
Well, honey, guess what
i'm getting you for valentine's day?
388
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:06,865
You know what they say,
a gal can never have too many cans
389
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:09,668
Of 3-in-1 oil.
390
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,704
I'm gonna give you
some of that prison money
391
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:13,272
- to fix up the diner.
- thank you.
392
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:16,575
We're really gonna do good
with this money too, Dan.
393
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,477
We're gonna really
really do good
394
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:21,347
'cause I figured out how
rich people stay rich.
395
00:21:21,348 --> 00:21:23,649
- how's that?
- lottery tickets.
396
00:21:30,223 --> 00:21:33,158
( theme music playing )
397
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:13,666
( Roseanne laughs )
398
00:22:13,716 --> 00:22:18,266
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