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1
00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:03,736
[harmonica]
2
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,277
No beer?
3
00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:15,581
Oh, I think Mark
took the last one.
4
00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:21,253
I'll get you more beer, Dan.
5
00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:23,155
After all,
it is thanksgiving,
6
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,590
The day where
I do everything
7
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,959
And the rest of you
sit around like Plymouth Rock.
8
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,561
[Dan]
fine. Don't get the beer.
9
00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:31,997
No, I feel
I should, Dan.
10
00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:33,632
I mean, you do too much,
11
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,968
What with having to carve
the turkey tomorrow
12
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:39,104
From 5:00 to 5:10.
13
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:42,641
Mom, why don't you let me
do the cooking this year?
14
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:43,876
I mean, ever since
we've moved in here,
15
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,377
I've just felt
like a burden,
16
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,513
Especially seeing how much
dad hates having Mark around.
17
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:49,348
Oh, Becky,
you're no burden.
18
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:52,718
Well, what about
dad hating Mark?
19
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,487
What makes you feel
like you're a burden?
20
00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:58,590
Come on, mom.
You're doing everything for us.
21
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,059
Please?
22
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,061
Okay, i'll let you do it.
23
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,228
I'll let you do
all the cooking,
24
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,898
All the cleaning up...
And all the laundry.
25
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,399
The laundry?
26
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,500
I took a shot.
27
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:11,036
[phone rings]
28
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:14,173
Hey, by the way,
you're out of beer.
29
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:15,841
[ring]
30
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:17,710
Hello?
31
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,078
Oh, hi, Darlene.
32
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,979
Um, what time is your
bus coming in?
33
00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:24,016
Actually, mom,
I was wondering if instead of coming home
34
00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:26,552
It'd be okay if I went
to michigan to see David.
35
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:29,054
You know, I don't really get
to see him that often.
36
00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:33,459
Yeah, well, I guess you're
kinda obligated.
37
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:36,261
After all,
he gives you money anytime you ask for it.
38
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,263
Oh, no, wait!
That's me!
39
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,566
Mom, I gotta
spend time with him
40
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:42,334
Or he's gonna start
seeing someone else.
41
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:44,670
Why? Is there some rush
all of a sudden
42
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:53,112
Fine. Go ahead. Go.
43
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,680
[Darlene]
thanks.
44
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:58,350
[sighs] don't feel guilty
about missing your great-grandma.
45
00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:01,453
I'm sure she can
hang on 'til christmas.
46
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,122
Okay, bye.
47
00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:06,925
Wow. She bought it?
Yeah.
48
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:09,628
We should join together
and give thanks.
49
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,234
[theme]
50
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,633
[laughs]
51
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,310
Turkey's about ready.
52
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:32,811
Did you make
the stuffing?
53
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:34,980
Mother, i've taken care
of everything.
54
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,281
For once we can have
a thanksgiving
55
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:38,617
Where you don't have to
yell and scream at everybody.
56
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,719
Well, gee, you might
as well just take the carols
57
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,921
Right out of christmas.
58
00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:44,356
Hello!
Hey, jacks!
59
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:46,492
Did you bring
the cranberry sauce like I asked?
60
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:49,361
Isn't that cute?
Just like a little Roseanne.
61
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:50,562
What time did you get up?
62
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,731
Look at the circles
under your eyes.
63
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,833
[chuckles]
it's not cute anymore.
64
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,169
You need some
help with that?
65
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,904
No, no, no,
I got it.
66
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,673
Oh, good.
67
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:03,275
I see you got the, uh...
68
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:06,178
Canned yams
and the carrots.
69
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:07,546
By the way,
I invited Fred.
70
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:10,416
And the potato buds--
Roseanne!
71
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:13,252
Well, Dan said he doesn't
have any family here,
72
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,320
And, you know,
it's thanksgiving,
73
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,489
And nobody should be
alone on thanksgiving...
74
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,925
Except maybe mom.
75
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:23,128
Alone? Really?
76
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,330
But still, ever since
he got me pregnant,
77
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:26,832
Mom's been pushing me
to go out with him,
78
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,300
And if she sees him here,
79
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,135
She's just gonna think
I listen to her.
80
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:31,437
If she thinks
I listen to her,
81
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:32,805
She's gonna keep
talking to me.
82
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,340
Well, don't worry about it.
83
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:37,643
We'll just tell her
that Fred won a turkey when he slept with ya.
84
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,514
I just caught
the biggest rat you've ever seen
85
00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:44,450
In that trap
out in the garage.
86
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,551
Unless...
87
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,053
What color is
the Martin's dog?
88
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,057
Need some help
taking care of that?
89
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,158
Nah, i'll get it later.
90
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,594
You sure?
Yeah, i'm sure.
91
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,162
Suit yourself.
92
00:04:57,163 --> 00:04:59,131
[scoffs]
thanks a lot, dad.
93
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,300
Mark, wait.
94
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,068
Jeez.
95
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:05,738
Can't you even make an effort
to try to be nice to him?
96
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:06,905
I don't know, Roseanne.
97
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,674
I just find it
a little awkward sharing a house
98
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:11,377
With a guy who
eloped with my 17-year-old daughter.
99
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,812
And now he's run off
with my beer.
100
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,448
Hello.
Hey, Fred.
101
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:17,449
Hi.
Hi, Jackie.
102
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:18,650
Glad you could
make it, Fred.
103
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,019
Yeah.
Well, with 16 cousins,
104
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,088
My family could use
the extra room at the kids' table.
105
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:24,890
16 cousins.
106
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,126
I didn't know Fred
had 16 cousins.
107
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,828
We're a fertile people,
Jackie.
108
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,534
Guess I don't need
to tell you that.
109
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,569
You know, Fred,
us being here
110
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,004
Is making it very
hard for them
111
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,873
To talk about us
behind out back.
112
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:44,309
To the living room
for football!
113
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,211
No family for
thanksgiving, huh?
114
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,213
Stop trying
to shove us together.
115
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:49,314
Correct me if i'm wrong,
116
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,516
But I think
the two of you
117
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,018
Have already been
shoved together.
118
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,687
[doorbell rings]
119
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,326
Happy thanksgiving,
everybody!
120
00:06:01,327 --> 00:06:03,529
You know, I had a lot more
chips in here,
121
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:07,800
But shirley ate them all
on the way down.
122
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,735
Hello, Jackie!
123
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,239
Is it true you're gonna let
little betty
124
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,775
Cook the whole dinner
this thanksgiving?
125
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,879
Mother, hang your coat up,
dear, right over there.
126
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:21,880
All right.
127
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,115
Roseanne,
it's awful.
128
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,017
This started last month
and it's gotten worse.
129
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:27,419
She keeps confusing me
with your aunt shirley.
130
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:28,954
She forgets everything.
131
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:32,224
I'm afraid your nana Mary's
mind is going.
132
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,493
Oh, I know
this little guy!
133
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:37,363
You're, um...
Uh...Uh...Uh...
134
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:38,364
D.J.
135
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:41,834
D.J.! That's right!
Of course! D.J.!
136
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,103
All right, honey,
you better run home now.
137
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,705
We're gonna have
our dinner.
138
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,607
Hi, nana Mary!
139
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:50,376
Hello, little Betty!
140
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,111
Oh, it's nice--
uh...
141
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,046
It's nice to see her again.
She's cute.
142
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,147
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
143
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:58,517
Listen, um,
her name is Becky, not Betty.
144
00:06:58,518 --> 00:06:59,718
Yeah!
145
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:02,354
And i'm not Jackie,
i'm Roseanne. Roseanne?
146
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,555
Roseanne?
Yes.
147
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:05,524
Jackie is the one
that tried to...
148
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:08,394
Iron your neck
when she was 4.
149
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:11,730
Oh, my achin' back.
150
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,033
That wasn't Jackie,
that was you, Roseanne.
151
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:17,503
Well...What's going on?
152
00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,805
Listen, i'm not senile.
153
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:23,642
I'm just having a little
fun with your mother.
154
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:27,413
Wow. That is so cool.
155
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,548
I'm gonna remember that
for when i'm old
156
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,850
And little Betty's
all grown up.
157
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:32,851
I know.
158
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:36,255
Fred, um, this is
my nana Mary.
159
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,256
Nice to meet you.
160
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,091
Nice to meet you, Fred.
161
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:42,327
You're the guy that finally
knocked up Jackie.
162
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:48,033
I hear that you busted
right through the condom.
163
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:57,509
I don't think I should
sit too close to him, huh?
164
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,879
Is this too close?
165
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,456
I see Fred is here.
166
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,458
How "with it"
for our Jackie
167
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:15,994
To invite the father
of her child to thanksgiving.
168
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,097
No, she didn't invite him,
I did.
169
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,799
What is wrong with
the girl, Roseanne?
170
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,402
I keep telling her that
child needs a father.
171
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,070
Well, that's exactly
what's wrong.
172
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,539
If you keep telling her that,
she's never gonna do it.
173
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:29,908
So what should
I do then? Just say nothing?
174
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:33,846
No. I mean,
I would enjoy that, but...
175
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,482
You see, if you
really want Jackie to get together with him
176
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:39,118
Then you should tell her
that you hate him.
177
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,819
That's ridiculous.
178
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:41,987
No, it isn't.
179
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,622
Our whole lives
we've done everything
180
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:45,958
Just to disappoint you.
181
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,427
Why do you think
I live like this?
182
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:50,129
Fine, Roseanne.
183
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:52,898
If I have to lie
in order to give advice to my daughter,
184
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:54,366
Then so be it.
185
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,703
By the way,
your cheekbone makeup is lovely!
186
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:01,473
The more you use,
the more I like it.
187
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:06,011
Mark!
188
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:08,147
It's thanksgiving
and you're a guy.
189
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,449
Your job is to be out there
watching football.
190
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,817
I don't know
anything about it.
191
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:13,152
I haven't cared
about football
192
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,953
Since I was about
8 years old.
193
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:16,855
Well, just say
what you know.
194
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:18,424
Dad will appreciate
the effort.
195
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:21,026
Or you could stay in here
with us girls
196
00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:23,295
And talk about
Jackie's hemorrhoids.
197
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,166
Standing's getting to be
worse than sitting.
198
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,300
I don't know.
199
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:36,342
[tv announcer]draw play, Barry Sanders.
200
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,443
Looking for running room.
201
00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:39,144
Turns to the right side.To the 45...
202
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:41,947
It's too bad about old
brian piccolo, huh?
203
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:59,231
Well, that wasn't too bad.
204
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,267
[phone rings]
205
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,902
Hello?
206
00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:06,105
Oh, hey, Darlene.
How's it going?
207
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:09,274
Hello, Jackie.
Hi, mom.
208
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,076
You and nana Mary
have a nice drive?
209
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,244
Yes!
210
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:16,415
Now she's in there
entertaining Fred...Hhmmph.
211
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,884
What's that
supposed to mean?
212
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,586
Oh, you want me in there
entertaining Fred.
213
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,421
I told you before, mom,
he's not my boyfriend.
214
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:25,858
No? Well, thank heaven!
215
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,659
Him being here for
thanksgiving and all,
216
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:28,961
I was afraid he was.
217
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,929
Whew!
218
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,568
You don't want him
to be my boyfriend?
219
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:37,903
Him?
220
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,772
Eessh!
221
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,376
Why not?
222
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:47,746
Because he's not good.
He's bad.
223
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,381
He's bad, that's why.
224
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,650
I just thought
i'd let you know.
225
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,789
So, Fred...
226
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:59,892
We have a little time
before dinner.
227
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:04,430
Do you ever wonder what sex
is gonna be like with Jackie...
228
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,532
Say, in 50 years?
229
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,106
Fred...
230
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,909
Even though you have
a full beer in your hand,
231
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,344
My guess is that
you'd like
232
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,779
To go to the kitchen
right now and get another one.
233
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,349
You read my mind.
234
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:28,620
Hey, kid,
rub my feet, will ya?
235
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,823
Wait for me!
236
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,394
Mother--
[sighs]--
237
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,529
What were you just
trying to pull in there?
238
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,631
Whatever are you
talking about?
239
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,967
Roseanne,
you gotta hear this.
240
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,670
For three months now,
she's been trying to get me to go out with Fred.
241
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,672
Now, all of a sudden,
she doesn't like him anymore.
242
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:49,541
I don't think nana Mary
is the only one around here losing her mind.
243
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,345
Oh, Jenny,
give it to her good.
244
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:56,949
By the way, when do we start
hunting for the eggs?
245
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,054
I haven't lost my mind.
246
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:05,257
Maybe i've just
changed my mind.
247
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,826
No, I know what
you're doing.
248
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,595
What, did you read about
reverse psychology
249
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,497
In ladies' home journal
or something?
250
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,365
Can you believe this,
Roseanne?
251
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,000
[laughs nervously]
252
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,204
No, I don't believe it.
253
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:20,806
I don't believe it at all.
254
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:23,375
God, mom,
it's so lame!
255
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,377
Try to give jackie
a little credit.
256
00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:29,782
It was her!
It was all her!
257
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:32,151
She made me do it!
That's so ridiculous!
258
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,452
Roseanne!
259
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:34,586
I didn't say
anything like that.
260
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,587
It's totally untrue.
261
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,655
You think I would do--
262
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,157
All right, I did.
263
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,926
I can't believe
you would use mom to manipulate me.
264
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:45,464
Well, I applaud her efforts
to get you two together.
265
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,433
You got pregnant,
Jackie.
266
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,903
Now you must face
the consequences and marry the father.
267
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,605
Oh, come off it, bev!
268
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:58,043
You think everybody's
gotta make the same stupid mistake you made?
269
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,180
What?
Mother.
270
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:04,016
So you got yourself
knocked up with Roseanne
271
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,317
And you had
to get married.
272
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,152
That doesn't mean
Jackie has to do it.
273
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:14,026
You were pregnant
with me before you married dad?
274
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,761
Damn right she was.
275
00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:18,230
We always lied about
the day she got married.
276
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,700
She got married June 1952.
277
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,670
And you were born
in November 1952.
278
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,205
Do a little math.
279
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,408
You are not senile,
you're just mean!
280
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:33,145
You promised me that
you would never tell that!
281
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,447
No one in this whole family
cares about me!
282
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:38,183
My children don't love me!
You don't love me!
283
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:41,353
I'm all alone! Alone!
284
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,023
I'm going after her, Dan.
285
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,291
Release the dogs.
286
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:49,962
You okay, Jackie?
287
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,164
Get out of my way, Fred.
I'm not missing this.
288
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,803
Yeah, Fred,
we're quite a family.
289
00:13:57,804 --> 00:14:01,140
Now that you've gotten
one of us pregnant,
290
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,776
It's too late to escape.
291
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:05,110
[laughs]
292
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:08,714
[laughing manically]
293
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:16,755
[football game on tv]
294
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:19,858
Dad, mom and Jackie
are still chasing grandma.
295
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,493
So can you put
the leaves in the table?
296
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:22,828
Yeah, okay.
297
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,063
Mark will help you.
298
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,731
No, I can do it.
299
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,266
Fine.
300
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:29,968
That's just great, dad.
301
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,603
You won't even let Mark
help you with the table?
302
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,838
It's not that big a job.
303
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,540
It's got nothing
to do with that.
304
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,042
[sighs]
fine. I'll let him help me with the table.
305
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,444
I know he's looking
for work.
306
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,613
He keeps on trying
to be nice to you,
307
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,350
And you won't even be
in the same room with him!
308
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:45,584
Ow!
[crash]
309
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:46,885
Becky?
Dad!
310
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,420
What happened?
I burned my hand!
311
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:49,688
I'll get some ice.
312
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,423
What's the matter?
It hurts! I burned my hand!
313
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:52,624
Stick it under
cold water.
314
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,593
No, ice is better.
She's all right!
315
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:55,627
How did it happen?
316
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:56,762
What's the difference
how it happened?
317
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,397
She burned herself!
I'm putting ice on it!
318
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,665
What the hell's
wrong with you?
319
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,266
Hey, you wanna help?
Clean up the spill.
320
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:02,534
Everybody,
let's mellow out!
321
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:03,836
I can handle this, Dan!
322
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:06,338
Yeah, you can handle it!
What's that supposed to mean?
323
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,473
It means you're
living here!
324
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:08,841
You handle things
great!
325
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:10,876
You told us to move in here!
What's the problem now?
326
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,811
My problem is my
daughter married a guy
327
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,446
That can't
take care of her!
328
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,782
[all yelling]
329
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,017
What's going on?
330
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,451
That's the first time
you've acted like a man
331
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:20,953
The whole time
i've known ya!
332
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,688
What in the hell
is going on?
333
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:23,956
Everything's fine, Rosie.
334
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:26,792
Dan! Bedroom!
335
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,995
Mark hit dad, and then dad
hit Mark real hard.
336
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,330
Man, Darlene,
337
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:34,433
You picked the wrong year
to miss thanksgiving.
338
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,604
Sorry, Roseanne,
I know it was wrong.
339
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,240
What was it like
to hit him?
340
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,241
What?
341
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:45,744
Was it great?
Did you feel bone?
342
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,346
Roseanne,
this isn't a good thing.
343
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,281
It was stupid.
I could have really hurt him.
344
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,817
Yeah, I know that.
Of course I know that.
345
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,252
You're right.
346
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,354
Man, what a thanksgiving
this turned out to be, huh?
347
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:58,924
Mom runs away and then
you beat up our son-in-law.
348
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,393
Did you draw blood?
349
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,096
Oh, no.
350
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:06,165
You know, now that
I got it out of my system,
351
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,667
I feel pretty good.
352
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,135
Think i'm gonna calm down
for a minute
353
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,870
And go out there
and apologize.
354
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,175
Hey, Dan...
355
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:19,945
I'm sorry for taking
that first shot, you know?
356
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,447
You okay?
357
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,815
Yeah. Are you?
358
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,216
Yeah.
Nice right.
359
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:25,784
Hey, you, too.
360
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,087
I was, uh...
The other side.
361
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:30,789
Hey.
362
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:34,893
[laughs]
363
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,597
[laughs]
364
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,233
[door closes]
wow!
365
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:45,037
Men are amazing.
366
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:47,506
Just like,
one shot, okay,
367
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,841
You get it all out
of your system,
368
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,909
And now you're
like buddies?
369
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:54,113
Maybe you should
hit him, too.
370
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,814
No, not after
the fight's over.
371
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,850
It would just
seem mean now.
372
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:00,719
Uh, Roseanne?
373
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,287
Your mother's
out on the porch,
374
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:05,924
And she absolutely does not
want you to go out there and talk to her.
375
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,327
She told me
to tell you that.
376
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:13,565
Hey, maybe it's time
I become buddies with mom.
377
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:14,867
Puucchh!
378
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,514
Mom, it's cold out here.
379
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:29,882
Come on. Come back
in the house.
380
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:33,385
I'm too embarrassed.
I acted like such a fool.
381
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,255
Yeah, I know,
but this time it was so extreme
382
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:39,324
That we all felt
really sorry for you.
383
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,527
I'm sorry I didn't
tell you, Roseanne,
384
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,262
But it was
a different time.
385
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:46,098
People didn't
talk about these things.
386
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,634
Okay, well, what about
the last two decades?
387
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,003
I'm an adult.
I could have handled it.
388
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:53,739
I'm not sure I could have
handled you knowing it.
389
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:54,773
Are you kidding me?
390
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:55,941
This is, like,
the coolest thing
391
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,643
I've ever heard
about you.
392
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,478
Really?
393
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,947
Then you don't think
less of me?
394
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,616
No way, mom.
395
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,885
I guess I should
have been honest
396
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,254
With you girls
about this years ago.
397
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,989
If I had, maybe
Jackie wouldn't be
398
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,558
Repeating my mistakes.
399
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,693
Oh, mom, jackie's kid
isn't born yet.
400
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:18,130
She hasn't even begun to
repeat your real mistakes.
401
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:21,367
Well...This wasn't
nearly as bad
402
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,635
As I thought
it was gonna be.
403
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,237
Mm, well, wait
a minute, mom.
404
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,206
I'm not done talking
about this yet.
405
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:28,807
All right, I guess
you have a right
406
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,143
To ask me
a few questions.
407
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,881
If you hadn't got
pregnant with me
408
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,983
Would you still
have married dad?
409
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,021
Well, no.
410
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,425
Do you think that's
why he was mad all the time?
411
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,926
You know, you think
that's why he treated
412
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:49,561
Me and Jackie
like he did?
413
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,630
Oh, Roseanne, you know
your father loved you.
414
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,265
You think that's why?
415
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,034
Well...
416
00:18:55,035 --> 00:18:56,869
I don't know.
417
00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:00,939
Okay, i'm gonna ask you
one more question, okay?
418
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,074
All right.
419
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,244
Was dad the only guy
that you were,
420
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,545
You know,
sleeping with,
421
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:07,880
Or is it possible
422
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:10,149
That you've been lying
to me my whole life
423
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,084
About who my real
father is?
424
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:15,054
Of course he was
the only one!
425
00:19:15,055 --> 00:19:17,089
Damn.
426
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:28,367
Okay, D.J.,
our dinner's ready too.
427
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,768
What?
428
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:34,106
No, I don't want to hear
nana mary snoring.
429
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:35,874
Okay. Bye.
430
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,780
I feel kind of bad
that we're not there.
431
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,916
Why? They're not
even your family.
432
00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:46,585
I know.
I still feel bad.
433
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:47,953
Don't you miss 'em?
434
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,022
No, i'm fine here.
435
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,590
Not at all?
436
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,425
No, just shut up.
437
00:19:58,131 --> 00:19:59,798
Want some dinner?
I'm carving.
438
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:00,866
Sure.
439
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,870
You want light
or dark?
440
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,106
You burnt the macaroni?
441
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,743
No. Most of it's okay.
442
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,157
Darlene, the fact
that we're having
443
00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:27,426
Macaroni and cheese
on thanksgiving
444
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:30,162
Is like cool
and nonconformist, right?
445
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:32,398
I mean, it's not pathetic
or anything, is it?
446
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:35,668
Are you kidding?
447
00:20:35,669 --> 00:20:37,369
This is totally cool.
448
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,441
Yeah.
449
00:20:44,177 --> 00:20:45,411
Cool.
450
00:20:52,185 --> 00:20:54,720
Well, i'm back.
Hope no one missed me.
451
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:57,756
I always like to
take a little walk before dinner.
452
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:04,630
If only we lived
on the rim of a volcano.
453
00:21:08,201 --> 00:21:09,301
You okay?
454
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:10,636
Yeah.
455
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:11,937
You know,
it's funny,
456
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,672
But being unmarried
and knocked up
457
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:16,408
Is the first thing
i've had in common with mom.
458
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:19,244
Well, yeah,
that and the 'roids.
459
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:26,385
Dad, me and Mark,
Jackie and Fred, nana mary...
460
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:29,822
Uh, don't sit
Jackie next to Fred.
461
00:21:29,823 --> 00:21:31,090
Okay.
462
00:21:31,091 --> 00:21:32,758
Thanks.
463
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:34,893
Yeah. After having
a talk with mom
464
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:37,396
About her life and all
the mistakes she made,
465
00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:38,997
I decided i'm not
gonna push you
466
00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:40,899
To get together
with Fred anymore.
467
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:43,035
'til after
the holidays.
468
00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:46,238
So, Becky,
how's the hand?
469
00:21:46,239 --> 00:21:48,674
Oh, it's okay.
470
00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:51,443
Well, why don't you go
call everybody for dinner.
471
00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:53,345
You go take
all the glory,
472
00:21:53,346 --> 00:21:54,947
And i'll take over
for you in here.
473
00:21:54,948 --> 00:21:56,782
I said i'd do everything
and i'll do it.
474
00:21:56,783 --> 00:21:58,484
Oh, don't be
a martyr, Becky.
475
00:21:58,485 --> 00:22:00,019
You've been
on your feet all day.
476
00:22:00,020 --> 00:22:02,488
You deserve to sit
with your husband and have a nice dinner.
477
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:03,822
Thanks, mom.
478
00:22:05,859 --> 00:22:07,192
Dinner's ready!
479
00:22:09,396 --> 00:22:11,263
God, I have to do
everything around here.
480
00:22:14,968 --> 00:22:16,368
More eating
for me.
481
00:22:22,042 --> 00:22:23,409
[Becky laughs]
482
00:22:26,913 --> 00:22:29,481
Well, Becky,
your fist thanksgiving
483
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:32,418
Is a total success.
484
00:22:32,419 --> 00:22:35,921
Oh, bev, i'm sorry I
upset you so much before.
485
00:22:35,922 --> 00:22:37,956
I shouldn't have given
away your little secret
486
00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:39,491
About how you
got pregnant
487
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:41,160
And had to marry Al.
488
00:22:41,161 --> 00:22:42,961
Mother, what are
you talking about?
489
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:46,465
Well, you didn't have
to get so embarrassed nowadays.
490
00:22:46,466 --> 00:22:47,766
I mean, you threw
a tantrum
491
00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:51,170
And ran down the streets
like a raving lunatic.
492
00:22:51,171 --> 00:22:55,207
Mother, that was thanksgiving
five years ago.
493
00:22:56,509 --> 00:22:58,010
What the hell are
you talking about?
494
00:22:58,011 --> 00:23:00,979
[all confirming]
495
00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:03,882
No, it wasn't.
Was it?
496
00:23:06,186 --> 00:23:08,520
I know it's hard
at your age,
497
00:23:08,521 --> 00:23:11,957
But try to
stay with us.
498
00:23:12,007 --> 00:23:16,557
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