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1
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,774
[knocking on window]
2
00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:11,443
David?
3
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:17,783
Oh, man.
4
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,854
You're not gonna,
like, read me a poem or something, are you?
5
00:00:21,921 --> 00:00:25,491
Darlene, help me.
6
00:00:29,829 --> 00:00:32,197
What are you doing here?
It's, like, 2 in the morning.
7
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:33,899
I gotta talk to you.
8
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:37,202
Is that
what you sleep in?
9
00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:41,040
Well, my pasties
and g-string are in the wash.
10
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,077
All right, look.
11
00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:46,745
I have something
to say to you,
12
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,781
And it's
really important that you don't interrupt me.
13
00:00:48,848 --> 00:00:50,649
Wait, let me guess.
14
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,419
"Darlene, you just
don't understand. It's different for boys.
15
00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:57,256
It's gotta be now,
I tell you. Now."
16
00:00:57,323 --> 00:01:00,092
My parents
are getting divorced.
17
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:05,998
My dad left this morning
with Lisa and Nicky.
18
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,133
Mom wants us
to move back to Michigan.
19
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,169
I don't wanna leave you.
20
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:14,640
So I think you and me
should go to New York now.
21
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,709
I mean, if this
is too much of a rush,
22
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:19,078
I can come back
in a couple hours.
23
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,814
Whoa. David,
we can't just leave.
24
00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:23,882
Hey, you're
the one who wanted to get out of Lanford.
25
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:26,552
Well, that was after
we got into art school.
26
00:01:26,619 --> 00:01:27,886
What's the difference?
27
00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:29,388
You're right.
What was I thinking?
28
00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:32,057
We'll just show up
to a new york bus station with no money.
29
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:34,693
The only thing
we have left to figure out is who's gonna play me
30
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:39,698
In Darlene, portraitof a teenage runaway.
31
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,900
Darlene, you hate it here.
32
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:44,003
Give me one good reason
not to run away.
33
00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:47,906
Well, it'd make it
a lot harder to look down on Becky.
34
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:51,010
At least she had the guts
to go off with my brother.
35
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:53,212
You obviously
don't give a damn about me.
36
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,214
Ooh, I hope you don't
double dog dare me.
37
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,050
Then i'll have to go.
38
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,953
Fine, i'll go
to New York myself.
39
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:05,090
I can't live with my mother,
not without my father there.
40
00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:08,093
What, so that's it?
You're just leaving?
41
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,628
What do you care?
42
00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:15,534
Of course, I do!
I love you!
43
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:18,337
Jerk.
44
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,808
Really? Are you sure?
45
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,177
Yeah, i'm sure
you're a jerk.
46
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:29,915
No, I mean not-- wow.
47
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,850
Why didn't you ever
say it before?
48
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:34,753
Hopin' it'd pass.
49
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,657
So then are we going,
or what?
50
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:42,261
Wait a minute, David.
This is, like, a big commitment.
51
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,829
I mean, you're talking
about living together.
52
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,899
We haven't even
slept together yet.
53
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:51,236
Well...
54
00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:54,073
Shut up.
55
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,317
[laughing]
56
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,193
Hey, can I talk to you?
57
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:51,430
Sure, i'll try
anything once.
58
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:54,199
Hey.
59
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:57,770
Oh, well.
Never mind.
60
00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,071
Whoa whoa.
What am I missing here?
61
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,372
Oh, it's
no big deal.
62
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,440
We'll talk
about it later.
63
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,208
If you can talk about it
with your mother,
64
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:04,710
You can
talk about it with me.
65
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,346
Okay.
66
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:17,556
I need more tampons.
67
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,503
What do you think?
68
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:35,407
I don't think that's it.
69
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,309
All right.
70
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:39,411
Well, if I was gonna ask
for something really big,
71
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,947
You'd want me to just, like,
come out and say it, right?
72
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,016
I don't know.
If you're gonna ask for something big,
73
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,118
I might wanna
see a dance first.
74
00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:50,055
Well, David's parents
are getting divorced,
75
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,124
And he's supposed to move
to michigan with his mom.
76
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:55,828
And I was wondering,
can he move in with us?
77
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:57,830
Darlene, if we
were gonna say "no" to something big,
78
00:04:57,897 --> 00:05:01,433
You'd want us
to come right out and say it, right?
79
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:03,969
Well, why not?
I mean, he can sleep on the couch,
80
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,437
And he'll get a job
and pitch in,
81
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:06,972
And he wasn't
raised by you guys,
82
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:11,443
So he's real well-behaved.
83
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,746
I'm sorry, Darlene.
The answer's no.
84
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,015
You don't know
how much this means to me.
85
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,684
I mean, david's
the reason I came out of my mood last year
86
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:21,920
And stopped
being so difficult.
87
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,960
You stopped being difficult?
88
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:31,296
Well, why didn't you tell us?
We would've had a party.
89
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:34,133
All right, but i'm
a lot better than I was.
90
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,534
And we're not
sleeping together,
91
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,236
So you don't
have to worry about that.
92
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:40,272
It's just that I love him.
Stop looking at me.
93
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,775
And the fact
that i'm sharing my feelings with you
94
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,010
When i'd rather
gouge my eyes out
95
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,913
Should prove that
i'm being sincere.
96
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:51,650
Well, what does
David's mother think of this?
97
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,252
Mrs. Healy's for it.
98
00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,621
She's gonna have
a hard enough time supporting herself.
99
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,756
She also wants him
to finish high school with his friends.
100
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,926
Okay, Darlene,
you've made your point.
101
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,228
Now me and your dad
will discuss it.
102
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,998
All right.
103
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,667
I just wanna say
that I know this is the sort of thing
104
00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:11,804
That typical parents
would object to.
105
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:15,941
I've always thought
you guys were cooler than typical parents.
106
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:22,514
No, seriously.
107
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:25,050
Thank you.
108
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,753
God bless you.
109
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:35,527
Chair recognizes
the cute guy in the overalls.
110
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,097
Yes. How long should we
pretend to discuss this
111
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:39,732
Before we go out
and tell her no?
112
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:42,568
You've gotta admire
her technique, though.
113
00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:45,971
That stuff with telling us
how cool we are and everything.
114
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:49,808
And that stuff about
sharing her feelings,
115
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:53,912
Man, that was reminiscent
of the great Becky conner.
116
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:56,548
This is her first
boyfriend, Rosie.
117
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:57,883
It's gonna
be really rough.
118
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,519
I know that, Dan, but, gee,
we can't fix everything.
119
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,554
It'd be nice
to fix one thing once.
120
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:04,857
We just can't afford it.
121
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,325
Besides, you never
know about kids.
122
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,093
What if he starts
demanding things?
123
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:10,662
Like food?
124
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,765
I can't believe
his mother's okay with this.
125
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:15,634
I mean, do you think
she's cooler than us?
126
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,803
Of course she's okay.
She's got the boy.
127
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,638
It's the girl's parents
who do all the suffering.
128
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:22,241
Well, I just
cannot stand the idea
129
00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:25,277
That in a couple of years,
D.J. will be out there
130
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:28,447
Making some other
parent's life a living hell.
131
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,716
Yeah.
132
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,585
[both laughing]
133
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:41,560
Hi.
134
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,228
Hey. How was work?
135
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,431
All right.
We really nailed mom.
136
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:47,833
Cool. Did she cry?
137
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,336
There's this guy,
70 or 80,
138
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,304
He comes in every day,
he orders the same thing,
139
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:53,639
He never leaves a tip.
140
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,974
So today, Roseanne
wrote a note to him from "mom"
141
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:59,144
That says,
"I want your body."
142
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,846
Not my Rosie.
143
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,615
That's crazy talk!
144
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:04,917
So, this time
when the guy leaves,
145
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,685
He leaves mom
this huge tip,
146
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:08,620
And on the way out,
she says, "please, come again."
147
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,923
And he says,
"sure thing, sweet cheeks,"
148
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:14,793
And slaps her on the butt.
It was a hoot!
149
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,363
Good ol' Bev.
150
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,834
Hey.
151
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,235
Hey, how ya doin'?
152
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,536
Pretty good.
153
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:25,771
The greatest thing
in the world
154
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,139
Happened with
mom today.
155
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,140
You won't believe it.
156
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,641
Oh, yeah?
What happened?
157
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,310
Well, there's
this old guy
158
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:32,711
That comes in
every day, you know,
159
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:34,146
And he always orders
the same thing,
160
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,248
And he never,
ever leaves a tip.
161
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,950
Oh, man,
is he asking for it.
162
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,019
So I wrote him
this note today from "mom"
163
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,221
That says,
"I want your body."
164
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:46,658
Ha! I can't wait
to hear the end.
165
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:49,661
Jackie already told you,
didn't she?
166
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,497
Yeah, but I never
really understood--
167
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:53,599
Jackie!
168
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:54,667
What?
169
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,036
You told Dan my day again!
170
00:08:57,103 --> 00:09:00,339
One good thing happens,
and you have to come home and tell him before I can!
171
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,574
It's my day, too,
you know!
172
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:05,310
That doesn't matter!
He's my husband!
173
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,346
I have been married
to him for 19 years!
174
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:11,050
It is hard enough
to think of something to say to him!
175
00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:18,457
Well, what am I supposed
to talk to people about?
176
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:22,628
We're together
every minute of the day! We have the same damn life!
177
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:27,299
[footsteps pound
up stairs, door slams]
178
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:30,502
Maybe this is a bad time.
179
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,472
No, it's always
like this.
180
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,207
Hey, David.
181
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,709
Why don't
you guys sit down.
182
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,344
We'll talk for
a couple of minutes.
183
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,345
Okay.
184
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,814
[sighs]
185
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,783
Well, David, you know
Dan and I really like you.
186
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:48,554
We like you a lot more
than we like your brother Mark.
187
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:53,258
Probably more than
we even like Darlene.
188
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,561
But there's just
no way we can do this.
189
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:58,097
This totally sucks.
190
00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,498
It's all right.
191
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:02,801
I mean, you know,
we totally feel for your situation,
192
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:05,804
But it's just we don't
let anybody grow up here
193
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:11,343
Unless we're
forced to by law.
194
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:14,179
Don't worry about it.
Listen, I have to go.
195
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,115
No, wait a minute.
This isn't over.
196
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:19,218
Yes, it is, Darlene.
I'm sorry.
197
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,653
I'm really sorry, David.
198
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:24,656
I'll talk to you
later, Darlene.
199
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:27,192
Thank you for thinking
about it, Mrs. Conner.
200
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,862
Bye-bye.
201
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:32,031
You have no idea
what you've done.
202
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:34,400
You don't think I know?
203
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:38,671
What are the odds
of you bringing home another boy i'm gonna like?
204
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,106
Don't you care
that i'm never gonna see him again?
205
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:43,142
Oh, it's only
a couple of years.
206
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,044
Michigan's not
that far away.
207
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:47,146
He's not
going to michigan.
208
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:50,149
He's running away.
209
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,685
Oh, he's not that stupid.
210
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,820
Yeah, he is.
211
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,222
You have no idea
how stupid he is.
212
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,629
Hey, mom.
213
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,030
Hey, D.J.
214
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,833
How was your day?
215
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,868
Not great.
216
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:14,940
Although this one
really cool thing happened with your grandma today.
217
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,009
Oh, you mean the old guy
hit her on the butt?
218
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,445
Great story.
219
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,555
[door buzzer rings]
220
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:30,856
Coming.
221
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,961
Uh, Barbara Healy?
222
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,329
Yeah?
223
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,765
Yeah, i'm Roseanne Conner.
224
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,867
You know, a couple of
our kids are married,
225
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,803
A couple of our kids
are dating. Hi.
226
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,740
Hi. Darlene's not here.
227
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:51,643
Yeah, I know, but I was
at the grocery store around the corner,
228
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,445
And I knew where
you guys lived,
229
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,180
And I thought
I should come over
230
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,016
'cause I wanna
talk to you.
231
00:11:57,083 --> 00:12:00,285
Sure, what the hell.
232
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:06,658
Well, maybe we would've met
at Becky and Mark's wedding
233
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,294
If either one of us
had been invited.
234
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:12,898
Well, maybe we'll both
be there for the divorce.
235
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:16,068
Yeah, that'd be nice.
236
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:23,409
Uh, listen, I wanna
talk to you about David, you know.
237
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:28,747
Um...I think he might
be getting ready to run away.
238
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,449
What, are you kidding me?
239
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,951
No, and I feel
really responsible, too,
240
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:36,221
Because I know that
you wanted Dan and me to take him in.
241
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,758
Take him in?
242
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:42,361
I wanted you to take him in?
243
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,196
What the hell
are you talking about?
244
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,732
David! David!
245
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:50,235
Oh, man. You didn't even
know anything about this, did you?
246
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,970
Mrs. Conner.
247
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:54,239
What is all this crap
about you running away?
248
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,276
And who said it was okay
with me for you to move into her house?
249
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:58,477
And don't lie to me!
250
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:01,380
Oh, i'm not
running away.
251
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,282
And moving
into her house was just an idea.
252
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,850
We didn't think
it would hurt to ask.
253
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,919
So you were
gonna abandon me
254
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:09,455
Just like
your father did.
255
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,124
Mrs. Conner, could you
leave us alone, please?
256
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:14,126
No. I want her
to stay here
257
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,629
So you can tell her
you're sorry for being such a pathetic little liar.
258
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:21,834
Well, he doesn't
have to do that, Barbara.
259
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,736
Yes, he does.
260
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:28,273
I want you to see
what kind of ungrateful garbage i've raised!
261
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,778
Hey, I don't mean
to interfere here, but, you know,
262
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:35,447
The kids,
they just took a shot at staying together.
263
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,416
It's not like
it's the worst thing in the world.
264
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,650
Oh, you don't think so?
265
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,052
No, it's not even
the worst thing
266
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:45,124
Darlene's done today.
267
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:47,226
Listen to me.
268
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,028
I don't want you
butting in,
269
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:50,996
Telling me
how to raise my kids.
270
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:54,933
Take a look at the two
little whores you raised.
271
00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:03,042
Oh, i'm in this now.
272
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,117
You know, if your kid
wasn't here,
273
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,753
I would take
the opportunity to remind you
274
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:18,257
That people who live
in glass whorehouses
275
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:22,261
Shouldn't throw stones.
276
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:25,330
It's people like you
that give white trash a bad name.
277
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,967
Mom, please just stop it.
It's over, okay?
278
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,236
I'm not going anywhere.
I promise.
279
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,539
I'd love to see you
try and run away.
280
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,441
You think you could
live without me?
281
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,076
You think you could
survive for two minutes
282
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:39,411
Out there
in that world unless I was taking care of you?
283
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:43,749
You are worthless!
You are a worthless little bastard!
284
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,519
Okay, i'm changing
my mind.
285
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:52,057
David, you can
come live with us if you want to.
286
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,495
Are you trying
to steal my kid?
287
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,864
This has nothing to do
with stealing anything.
288
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:02,034
Whether he runs away
or comes and lives at my place,
289
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:06,071
He is not gonna
stay here with you.
290
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:10,542
That's not true,
is it, honey?
291
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:13,645
I wanna live with them.
292
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:16,382
Look, you know
that I don't mean it when I do this, baby.
293
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,084
I just--
i'm going through a tough time now, okay?
294
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,087
I won't talk like that again,
i'll never say it again.
295
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:23,789
Don't you love me?
296
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:26,792
I can't keep doing this.
297
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:35,034
Okay. Get out now!
298
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,101
Okay.
299
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,603
Now!
300
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,940
Come on, David.
We'll get your stuff later.
301
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:45,411
Let's go home.
302
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:59,124
Well, it's a boy!
303
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:06,131
You're moving in?
How did this happen?
304
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:09,134
Well, Darlene,
it's a real long story.
305
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,603
But you both
got what you wanted,
306
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,906
So welcome to
our family, David.
307
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,943
You're both grounded.
308
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:21,046
Thanks, mom.
309
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,182
So, David,
you're moving in.
310
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:25,751
Welcome to
our little home.
311
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,220
Our tiny, little,
cramped, little home.
312
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:29,888
Thank you.
313
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:32,825
Roseanne, can I talk to you
for a second, please?
314
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,094
Why, Jackie,
i'd love to talk to you.
315
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:38,497
We don't spend
nearly enough time together.
316
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:41,166
Well, it's been
quite a month,
317
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,768
But i'm leaving.
318
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:47,106
Here are my house keys.
Front door, back door, dead bolt.
319
00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:54,179
Jackie, you've had
those keys for nine years.
320
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:57,216
It was symbolic.
321
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:05,824
You know, it's natural
to feel a little jealous
322
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:09,361
When we bring
a new person into the house.
323
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:13,232
But you know Dan and I,
we love you just as much as we ever did.
324
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:17,636
And you know what?
You can be my little helper.
325
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,641
I'm gonna start packing.
326
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,677
Until I find an apartment,
I will be at mom's,
327
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,546
Which should tell you
how desperate I am.
328
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:32,284
Tag, you're it.
329
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:40,626
Hey. Where you been?
330
00:17:40,694 --> 00:17:43,896
Uh, well, Dan,
331
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,565
I wouldn't ordinarily
do this without you,
332
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:50,602
But...I went
and had another kid.
333
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,206
Is David out there?
334
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,642
You mean Dan, junior?
335
00:17:56,710 --> 00:17:58,677
Not funny, Roseanne.
336
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,846
Oh, come on,
it's a little funny.
337
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,881
No, Roseanne. No.
We're not doing this.
338
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,451
You told him he could
live here, you can go back out there
339
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:06,819
And tell him
you made a mistake.
340
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:10,489
No. I'm sorry, Dan,
but I can't do that.
341
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,257
So now the kids
get whatever they want.
342
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,960
Becky gets married,
David moves in with Darlene.
343
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:16,362
Hey, why don't
we let D.J.
344
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:20,532
Go on that all-sugar diet
he's been pushing?
345
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,335
Well, I didn't
do it for Darlene.
346
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:27,272
She's the last person
I wanna make happy.
347
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:30,476
I did it for David.
I couldn't leave him there.
348
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,278
That's what you said
when we found that lost puppy on the highway.
349
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,813
I don't this
to wind up like that.
350
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:37,383
I don't wanna have to
put David to sleep.
351
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:41,587
Dan, I saw
what David lives with,
352
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,288
And I just
couldn't leave him there.
353
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,791
He deserves to move in
with a stable family.
354
00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:47,860
Gee, could I come, too?
355
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:49,962
You just
don't understand, Dan.
356
00:18:50,030 --> 00:18:52,297
His mother
is really messed up.
357
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,767
That doesn't make the kid
our responsibility.
358
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,403
No, I don't mean messed up
like we're messed up.
359
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,838
I mean bad.
360
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:03,542
Really, really,
really, incredibly bad.
361
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:07,413
I grew up
in a house like that.
362
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,281
That bad, huh?
363
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,250
Yeah.
364
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:15,454
Aw, man.
365
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:19,692
Well, you know, Dan,
i'll make this up to you.
366
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,428
You're my husband,
and I love you,
367
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:26,165
And i'm willing
to throw Jackie out for you.
368
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:33,305
You'd do that for me?
369
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:36,408
Consider it done.
370
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:47,086
Oh, look, honey.
Our kids are necking.
371
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:50,989
So, did you guys
talk about it?
372
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,591
Yeah, it's cool.
373
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,460
Thank you, Mr. Conner.
374
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,363
All right. Well, I guess
i'll show you your room in the basement.
375
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:58,564
I don't think so.
376
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:01,433
First of all,
there will be no holding hands.
377
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,435
There will be no
looks across the room.
378
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,204
There will be
no touchy-feely,
379
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,438
There will be
no hanky-panky,
380
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,974
There will be
no smoochie-woochie.
381
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,076
And there will be
none of that other stuff
382
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:12,544
You're not supposed
to know about.
383
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,813
Can we still date?
384
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:18,283
If you want,
but I don't see much point.
385
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,486
And, David,
while you live here,
386
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,854
You'll be home by curfew,
387
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:24,890
You will
keep your room clean,
388
00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:28,727
You will be the child
we've never had.
389
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,397
Okay, that's fair.
390
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,465
These are just
the rules today.
391
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,468
We reserve the right
to change the rules at any time.
392
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,137
For your safety,
for your education,
393
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:42,141
Or...For
our amusement.
394
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:45,477
That is the price
of living in our kingdom.
395
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:49,381
Welcome to roseannadu.
396
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:53,952
Mom, is David
gonna live here now?
397
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:57,589
Yeah, D.J.
Looks that way.
398
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,224
Hey, you.
399
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:02,828
Just because you're older
doesn't mean you get to boss me around.
400
00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:04,496
It's not how old
you are in this house,
401
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:06,832
It's who's
been here longer.
402
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:09,234
And I put in 12 years.
403
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:12,504
Don't worry, runt.
David's not gonna boss you around.
404
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:14,006
If he wants something,
he'll tell me,
405
00:21:14,074 --> 00:21:16,041
And i'll
boss you around.
406
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:19,411
Okay, then.
Now, what's for dinner?
407
00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:23,048
Well, in honor of
David's first night here,
408
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:27,720
I'm gonna do something
that I don't ordinarily do.
409
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:31,490
I'm gonna order
the pizza myself.
410
00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:34,727
We always get pizza.
I want hamburgers.
411
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,662
I'm with the lad.
Hamburgers it is.
412
00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:40,232
We're getting
pizza, Spock.
413
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:47,072
Well, David, it looks like
you're the tie-breaker.
414
00:21:53,113 --> 00:21:55,614
Um, burger's good.
415
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:59,184
My god, I can feel it.
416
00:21:59,252 --> 00:22:03,422
The hormonal balance
in this house has shifted.
417
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,061
And the men
are victorious!
418
00:22:09,129 --> 00:22:13,332
Come, men!
Let us repair to the living room.
419
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,567
We shall watch
The Three Stooges
420
00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:18,203
And we shall
scratch ourselves.
421
00:22:30,183 --> 00:22:31,617
[both chuckling]
422
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:33,919
[both]
pizza.
423
00:22:44,764 --> 00:22:46,732
I had a really
great time tonight.
424
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,734
Can we go out
again tomorrow?
425
00:22:48,802 --> 00:22:52,871
I don't know.
Give me a call.
426
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:54,606
Okay.
427
00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:57,142
I love you, Darlene.
428
00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:59,611
I love you, too.
429
00:23:08,521 --> 00:23:09,955
Good night.
430
00:23:10,023 --> 00:23:12,925
Good night.
431
00:23:12,975 --> 00:23:17,525
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