Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,638 --> 00:00:07,806
Yep. This whole
place is mine.
2
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,508
Anything you
want is free.
3
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,176
Do they let
you work here?
4
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:14,079
I don't have to.
I'm an owner.
5
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,316
Oh, yeah?
Prove it!
6
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:19,251
Okay, you want to see?
7
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,826
D.J.!
What are you doing?
8
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:29,628
He made me!
9
00:00:29,629 --> 00:00:32,631
This is why you don't
have any friends, D.J.
10
00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:34,500
You guys sit down there.
11
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,135
I'll make you a couple
of sandwiches.
12
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,905
She's new.
13
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:42,508
Anything's better than
having your mom here.
14
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:46,011
Hey, D.J.
Hey, Jordan.
15
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:49,615
Oh! Mrs. Conner, you look
especially lovely today.
16
00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:53,352
Brace yourself, Roseanne.
Mom just called.
17
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,220
Someone's coming here,
someone you don't like.
18
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,923
That could be anybody.
19
00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:59,458
Cousin Ronnie.
20
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:00,659
Oh, my god.
21
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,028
She heard about dad.
She wants to pay her respects.
22
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:05,330
Well, couldn't she have her
secretary fax her respects
23
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,299
From her royal yacht
or something?
24
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:09,134
What does she have to come
down here for?
25
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:16,108
I would like to stick
around, but I have a lot of...Stuff to do.
26
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:17,943
You're not going anywhere.
27
00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:21,013
You're gonna be right
here when the happiness hits the fan.
28
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:23,215
All right.
You can make me stay,
29
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:25,517
But for god sakes,
let the little ones go.
30
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,387
Blow.
31
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,623
Come on, you guys.
Fill me in.
32
00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:33,525
Don't hog the hate.
33
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,728
You better tell her, Jackie.
I'll get too upset.
34
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,329
All right.
Ronnie's a cousin.
35
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:39,298
She's a jerk.
36
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,735
And about 25 years ago,
they had a misunderstanding.
37
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:43,936
It wasn't
a misunderstanding.
38
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,938
I was totally right and she
was completely wrong.
39
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,474
Roseanne thought she was
gonna be a bridesmaid in Ronnie's wedding,
40
00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,342
And now Roseanne
will interrupt me.
41
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:52,077
But Ronnie didn't think
that I was good enough
42
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:59,451
Because it was a pretentious,
overblown piece of crap anyway.
43
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,487
Was it a day
or an evening wedding?
44
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:05,758
Never mind.
45
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,860
If you need me,
i'll be in the kitchen.
46
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:10,396
Well, here.
47
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,631
Clean up a little
before she gets here.
48
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,233
What are you mad at me for?
49
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:16,335
Because you're my sister
and if I hate somebody,
50
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,570
You gotta hate 'em too.
51
00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:20,439
That's called love.
52
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,241
It was never
my fight anyway.
53
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:23,375
And besides,
you don't know.
54
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:25,110
It's been 25 years.
55
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:28,180
Maybe she's come down
to earth since the last time we saw her.
56
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,395
Ronnie.
57
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,932
[ominous]
58
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:30,542
[laughing]
59
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,019
Well, Jackie.
60
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,755
You've certainly grown out
of that awkward stage.
61
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:45,457
Well, it happened
about a week ago.
62
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:49,795
We're all very
happy about that.
63
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:52,297
How's your sister?
64
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,099
She's good.
65
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:58,170
She's right
over there.
66
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,272
Yes, I see her.
67
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:03,809
Well, I can see that you
two obviously want to talk,
68
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,712
So I will just get
out of your way.
69
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,354
Uh, would you like
some coffee or something?
70
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:18,657
Yeah.
Coffee'd be great.
71
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,462
That's a nice outfit.
72
00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:24,763
Thank you.
73
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:28,200
That's a nice...Place.
74
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:31,870
Oh, this old thing?
75
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:34,807
I just threw it
together this morning.
76
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,676
Rosie, I was so sorry
to hear about your father.
77
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:39,244
You know, I really
loved him.
78
00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:44,717
Well, you had the advantage
of not being his kid.
79
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,251
I would have come
to the funeral,
80
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:48,220
But I only heard about
it a few days ago.
81
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:52,624
That's okay.
Mom took pictures.
82
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:56,128
Look, I know there's been
a lot of bad blood between us,
83
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,230
And I know we've said a lot
of things to each other
84
00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:02,468
Which, although extremely
clever, we probably regret.
85
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:05,337
But I really think
this is a time for families to be together.
86
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:08,907
Yeah. Death is such
an ice-breaker.
87
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:11,744
I want you and I to bury
the hatchet, Rosie.
88
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,379
I'm sick of being
mad at you.
89
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,180
You mad at me?
90
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:19,118
You're the one that didn't
make your closest cousin your bridesmaid.
91
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,387
I was in New York.
I'd made new friends.
92
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,689
I had...Obligations.
93
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,691
Yeah, well, what about
your obligations to me?
94
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,593
You know, I was sitting there
waiting for a call from you
95
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:32,831
To tell me what kind of
hideous tangerine chiffon bridesmaid dress to wear,
96
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,234
And then I get an
invitation 3 months later
97
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,236
That 350 other people got.
98
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:38,637
I was crushed.
99
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:40,739
Tangerine chiffon?
100
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:44,610
That is so '60s.
101
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:47,312
Well, it was the '60s.
102
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:51,617
Nancy, if you don't mind,
this really has nothing to do with you, okay?
103
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,652
I mean, I only knew
Nancy for one year,
104
00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:56,255
And she made me one
of her bridesmaids.
105
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,624
Yeah, but I don't
have that many friends.
106
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:03,328
Are those
Charles Jourdan boots?
107
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:06,198
They're gorgeous.
Did you buy them new?
108
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,434
Is that a Fendi bag?
109
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:10,169
Are these Mizrahi gloves?
110
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,370
You know,
i'm a little busy now.
111
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,440
Would you come back and envy
me in about 10 minutes?
112
00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:17,910
Nancy, there's a customer
over there that could use some service,
113
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:23,048
And i'm sure his overalls
are Oshkosh b'gosh.
114
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:28,887
We'll gab later.
Love your earrings.
115
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,357
You know, I just cannot
believe that you have been mad at me
116
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:34,360
For 25 years because
of my stupid wedding.
117
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:35,894
Well, it wasn't just that,
it was a whole bunch
118
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,229
Of other stuff too,
you know?
119
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,497
You were supposed
to go to New York,
120
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,199
And then I was
gonna follow.
121
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,300
And you were
gonna get an apartment.
122
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,501
I was gonna come
live with you,
123
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:45,871
And it was, you know,
gonna be like that girl.
124
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,943
I was only in my
early twenties. I didn't know where I was going.
125
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:53,912
Yeah, but I was 14
and I believed you.
126
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,850
I wasn't thinking.
127
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,319
I was very insensitive.
128
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:05,024
All right,
I was a total butt.
129
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:09,762
Okay, well, since you came
this far and everything,
130
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,730
I'd really like you to come
over and meet my family.
131
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,500
I've told them all about you,
so now would be a good time
132
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:17,036
For you to come
and defend yourself.
133
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,904
Great.
134
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,874
Jackie would you watch this
place? We're gonna leave.
135
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,242
[Jackie]
okay, you got it.
136
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,977
Oh, hey.
137
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:28,981
So, uh, are you still
married to that same guy?
138
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,083
Oh, after everything
I put you through,
139
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,585
We never even
made it to our first anniversary.
140
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:36,822
I know. I heard.
141
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,023
Thanks.
142
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,159
I heard Becky got married.
143
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,227
Any grandchildren yet?
144
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,131
Good one.
145
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:57,509
[laughing]
look at us.
146
00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:00,346
Brown's Lake, 1967.
147
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:04,049
Who's the little boy pulling
the shirt over his head?
148
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,018
That's Jackie.
149
00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:11,423
Said we were
all gonna do it.
150
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:20,366
Do you still have
the picture of her doing the pantyless cartwheel?
151
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,668
Yeah, it's
in there someplace.
152
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:27,172
Had a lot of great
times together, didn't we!
153
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:30,042
Maybe I can find a picture
of that mud fight in here.
154
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,344
Oh, god, is that mud fight
gonna haunt me forever.
155
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:36,682
Yeah, remember how upset
I got at you for stealing my boyfriend blake?
156
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,055
Whose old beater's that?
157
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:46,425
That was mine.
Before your mother totaled it.
158
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:47,993
You totaled a car?
159
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,828
Well, it wasn't her fault.
160
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:52,464
The cops were chasing her.
161
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:55,768
The cops were chasing you?
162
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,336
Of course,
it was a stolen car.
163
00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:00,305
You stole a car?
164
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,941
You know, if she had
not totaled that car
165
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:05,878
She would have been right
across the state line.
166
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,980
Where were you going?
167
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,816
Across the state line,
I don't know.
168
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,384
I was only 13.
169
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,087
How come you never
told Darlene any of this?
170
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:20,659
Because I was afraid
it would bring us together.
171
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,528
Oh, you think
I was so cool.
172
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,763
I was nothing more
than a Ronnie wannabe.
173
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:26,265
Ah, stop it, Rosie.
174
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,900
No, Ronnie, it's true.
175
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,936
You were always somebody
who could never settle down.
176
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:33,038
I couldn't even make it
across the state line,
177
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,607
But you made it all
the way to new york.
178
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:41,380
I think my problem is that
I could never overcome my basic nurturing instinct.
179
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:44,817
Get the hell
out of my chair!
180
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:48,921
I had the urge
to roam too, ronnie.
181
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:53,792
That's why I drove
the big rigs.
182
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:56,328
Yeah, I think I could've
made it out of here too
183
00:09:56,329 --> 00:10:00,432
If I hadn't hit that
big old wall of love... And married him.
184
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:07,406
Always had a touch
of the wanderlust.
185
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:12,277
Bit of a loner really.
186
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,880
So, Ronnie, uh, what
do you do in new york?
187
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:18,417
Well, i'm an editor with
American Interiors magazine.
188
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:23,756
Whoa. I knew illiteracy wasn't
a dominant gene in our family.
189
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,592
Now now, Darlene, you
gotta stand in line.
190
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,761
Ronnie was my idol first.
191
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,764
I wanted to get out
of Lanford and she did.
192
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:35,367
I wanted to write
children's books and she became the writer.
193
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,236
Yup.
194
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,274
Don't envy me.
195
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:47,179
My kind of life's
not for everybody.
196
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:05,264
Towels are in the bathroom.
Sheets are in the drawer.
197
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,700
No boys after 11:00.
198
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:10,002
That doesn't
give me much time.
199
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,672
Your mother didn't
describe you properly.
200
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,741
She said that you
were dark and brooding.
201
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:18,477
Yeah, well, I save that
for the immediate family,
202
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,379
But i'll make an exception.
203
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,115
School sucks, i'm bombing
out, my future's bleak.
204
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,583
And yourself?
205
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:26,618
Well, i've just been
amusing myself
206
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:29,355
By rifling through
your possessions.
207
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,557
David and I haven't
used any of those yet.
208
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,559
We just bought 'em in case
our relationship keeps--
209
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:37,262
Hey, relax.
210
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:40,165
I used to buy them
for your mom.
211
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:43,402
No. I read this
short story of yours,
212
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,204
And I think
it's really good.
213
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:49,475
I can't believe you invaded
my privacy like that.
214
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,610
But since you liked it,
i'll get over it.
215
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,246
I can't believe that you
got an f for that.
216
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,914
I really want
to be a writer,
217
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,449
But I know i'm
just gonna rot here.
218
00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,719
The great minds of Lanford
just don't appreciate my stuff.
219
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,923
Oh, Darlene, don't buy
into what those teachers in Lanford tell you.
220
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:09,428
They turn out 7 professionals
a year and they all work in the same garage.
221
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,764
You're the only person that's
gotten out of this hell-hole
222
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,799
And made it back
to tell about it.
223
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,001
Do you want
to know how I did it?
224
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:19,605
I just got into the car
and never looked back.
225
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,074
Aw, I wish I could do that.
226
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,410
You know, there's this great
writing school in new york
227
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,546
That I could go to now
if I just took one of those equivalency tests.
228
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,615
Well, why don't you
go after high school?
229
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,517
Well, if I wait 'til
after high school
230
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:34,153
I will have had all the
creativity sucked out of me.
231
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:37,489
What would you tell me to do
if I was your daughter?
232
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:41,694
Well, if you were
my daughter i'd tell you to stay at school
233
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:44,363
And clean your room.
234
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:50,569
But if it were me,
i'd probably drop out and go for it.
235
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,671
Well, what would
you do for money?
236
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:55,941
Well, first i'd see if
I could get into the school
237
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:59,111
And then maybe i'd hit
my rich cousin for a loan,
238
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,547
And maybe a place to stay.
239
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:04,750
You'd do that for me?
You're kidding.
240
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:08,153
Darlene, this may depress
the hell out of you,
241
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:11,590
But you do remind me
of your mother.
242
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:16,528
You know, in spite
of that comment,
243
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,597
I'm gonna let you
lend me the money.
244
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:21,834
Now, you really remind
me of your mother.
245
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:25,771
God, dropping out of school,
moving to new york...
246
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:28,807
You know, maybe you should
let me tell my mom about this.
247
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:32,778
So rare that I get to
bring her any good news.
248
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,419
Dealer takes two.
249
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,988
Watch your language, boys.
There's a lady in the room.
250
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,657
Hey, ronnie, this is
D.J.'s friend Jordan.
251
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,927
Pleasure.
252
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:54,099
All the rest of my
poker buddies had to stay after school.
253
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:57,603
I got to be going. My mom
wants me home by 5:00.
254
00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:01,774
What, are you gonna play
cards or you gonna listen to your mommy?
255
00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:04,243
We're eating dinner
at his house tonight. Bye.
256
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:10,582
But I got a straight.
257
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,185
Well, i'm out 25 cents.
258
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,486
Ya up for a hand?
259
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:15,854
No way.
260
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,992
Last time I went
to vegas I lost a bundle.
261
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:24,430
Never actually used that word
when it comes to money.
262
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:27,533
What exactly is a bundle?
263
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,168
You don't want to know.
264
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,003
Try me.
265
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:35,107
Well, one night,
I lost two grand.
266
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:38,210
Good god!
267
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,278
On one hand.
268
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:42,781
Eee-oh!
269
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,651
I'm sorry, I know this
sounds like i'm bragging.
270
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,220
Yeah, it does,
but keep going.
271
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,222
This is the closest
i'm ever gonna come
272
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,759
To a vulgar
display of wealth.
273
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,061
Hey, where is everybody?
I could use a hand out here.
274
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,063
Yes, dear.
275
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,435
Well, I wasn't going
to buy this many groceries,
276
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,671
But there was a brand-new
girl at the grocery store
277
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:08,807
And she actually
took my check.
278
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,576
I wish you'd let me
pay for some.
279
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,444
Oh, nonsense,
you're the guest.
280
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,680
Only Dan and the kids pay.
281
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,482
Well, at least let me
put them away.
282
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,017
I never get to
do this at home.
283
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,018
It'll be fun!
284
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,652
Well, hey,
there's a mop
285
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,821
Up against
the fridge there.
286
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:26,158
Party down!
287
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,926
Extraordinary couple of days.
288
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,529
First, your cousin turns out
to be a decent human being,
289
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:35,334
And, get this, Darlene's
having trouble in school.
290
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:39,805
So what? She's the state's
problem from 8:00 to 3:00.
291
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,341
I think they're about
to throw her back in our lap.
292
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,777
The word failing came up.
293
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,879
I'd say it's time
for threats and intimidation.
294
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,981
Well, did you
already do it?
295
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:51,116
Not yet.
296
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,484
I saved it all for you.
297
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,854
I love you.
298
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,194
It's open.
299
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,997
Hope you're doing
your homework.
300
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:09,802
Hope springs eternal.
301
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:12,404
So what's this I hear about
something threatening your,
302
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:16,075
Uh, solid d average
that we're so proud of.
303
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,277
No, it's okay,
I got it under control.
304
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,646
Well, I hope you didn't
do nothing to that teacher
305
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,348
They can trace back to me.
306
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,883
Don't worry, i'm not
gonna flunk anything, okay?
307
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:28,420
I can still hold my head
high in detention.
308
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:31,156
What's this?
309
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:37,129
What are you sending
a money order to the board of education for?
310
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,431
It's for my high school
equivalency test.
311
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,533
I need it to go
to this writing school.
312
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,769
What writing school?
313
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:46,305
In new york.
314
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:51,744
Excuse me?
Have we met?
315
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:54,380
You don't need to do anything.
Cousin Ronnie said she'd pay
316
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,982
For the whole thing
and I could stay with her and everything.
317
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:58,717
God, that is
so tacky, Darlene.
318
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,786
It's not like this family
don't look bad enough
319
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,654
Without you panhandling
the relatives.
320
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:05,224
Well, I didn't ask!
She offered!
321
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,460
No way! You're not leaving
this house until you're 18,
322
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:12,097
And me and your dad
are gonna kick you out like we always planned.
323
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,835
Well, you wanted to
get out of Lanford when you were my age.
324
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,304
Yeah, but it's
all built up now.
325
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,843
Why do you have
to ruin my life?
326
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:28,947
Because I lost the coin toss,
okay? Your dad got D.J.
327
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,654
Where do I put something
called potato buds?
328
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,756
Why don't you put them
through college?
329
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:38,891
What?
330
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,962
Yeah, why don't you dangle
something real pretty in front of them,
331
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:48,133
Encourage them to drop out
of school, and then turn them against their parents.
332
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:50,636
This isn't about
potato buds, is it?
333
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:53,739
You know, Dan and me
don't like it when people
334
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,742
Offer our kids money
to run away from home.
335
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,111
We feel like if they're
gonna run away from home
336
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:02,247
They should save up
the money themselves.
337
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,950
See, we're trying
to instill values here.
338
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:08,020
Look, I don't mean to criticize
your methods, Roseanne,
339
00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:11,423
But if you are trying
to thank me, you're going about it the wrong way.
340
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:16,562
Oh, i'm sorry. Let me thank
you for going behind my back
341
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,931
And filling my daughter's
head with all kinds of ideas
342
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:21,266
That I have to run upstairs
and say no to.
343
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,068
Why do you have
to say no to her?
344
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,837
Maybe it's
the best thing for her.
345
00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:27,239
You have known the girl
for 10 minutes.
346
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,408
How could you possibly
know what's best for her?
347
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:33,512
I've lived with her for 50,
60 years and I have no idea what's best for her.
348
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,181
Well, I wouldn't
let that get out,
349
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:40,085
Otherwise they'll make
you give back your mother of the year award.
350
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,755
Look, maybe you don't
know this about Darlene,
351
00:18:42,756 --> 00:18:44,356
But she wants
to be a writer.
352
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,692
Well, of course she
wants to be a writer.
353
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,828
She's 16 years old and
a sophomore in high school.
354
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,264
Last year she wanted
to be a basketball star.
355
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,166
Hey, D.J. Wants
to be a cowboy.
356
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,635
You want to run out
and buy him a horse?
357
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,203
I'm sorry, Rosie.
358
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,806
You know, I really thought
I was doing the right thing,
359
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,207
But i'll take care of it.
360
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,810
I'll just go upstairs and tell
her the whole thing's off.
361
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,979
No, you're going up and
you're giving her the ideas,
362
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,481
And then you go up
there and take them away.
363
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,617
You haven't really
changed much in 25 years.
364
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:17,022
While you're up there why
don't you just tell D.J. That his horse is dead.
365
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:18,323
Come on, Rosie.
366
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,726
You just hate the fact
that one of your kids
367
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,961
Looks up to me more
than they do to you.
368
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:25,230
I think it's time you got
to know your daughter better.
369
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:26,899
She certainly opens
up to strangers.
370
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:31,036
Well, maybe she takes
after your side of the family.
371
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:34,106
Oh, we all know what this
is about, don't we?
372
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:36,208
You're just jealous 'cause
I made something of myself.
373
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:39,712
Yeah, an ass.
374
00:19:39,713 --> 00:19:41,980
And where do you get that
hoity-toity accent anyway?
375
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:44,016
I mean,
you're from illinois!
376
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:49,488
You've been talking that way
ever since you did that
377
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:52,324
Stupid play in high school.
378
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:56,695
Well, i'm sorry I don't
have your dulcet tones.
379
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,164
I can't believe
that I wasted 25 years
380
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,767
Hating you for something
as stupid as a wedding
381
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:05,170
When there's really a very
good reason to hate you.
382
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:07,606
You're a bitch!
383
00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:14,713
I'm a bitch? Ha!
384
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:19,785
I bow to the queen
of all bitches.
385
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,121
Hey, you want to know
why I didn't want you
386
00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:23,756
To be a bridesmaid
at my wedding?
387
00:20:23,757 --> 00:20:26,892
Because there wasn't
enough tangerine chiffon in the state of Illinois
388
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,695
To make your dress!
389
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:34,633
Good one.
390
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,881
You left out
your middle name.
391
00:20:48,882 --> 00:20:51,350
Oh, um, I don't have one.
392
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,054
David...
393
00:20:55,055 --> 00:20:57,189
Come on, the school
will still accept
394
00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:59,458
Our applications
without our middle name.
395
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,395
It's maurice.
396
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:07,499
Thank your parents
for me.
397
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,301
Are you sure
your mom doesn't
398
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:10,836
Know what we're doing?
399
00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:14,073
Nah, she probably thinks
we're out having sex.
400
00:21:14,074 --> 00:21:17,343
Amazing, 'cause
I can't imagine it
401
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:18,811
Even if I try.
402
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,948
Well, does this help?
403
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:25,918
Maurice! Maurice!
404
00:21:27,721 --> 00:21:29,421
I don't know
about this, Darlene.
405
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:31,657
The school's all the way
in New York.
406
00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:33,092
Where are we
gonna stay?
407
00:21:33,093 --> 00:21:34,893
Well, if my mom
hasn't completely
408
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:36,362
Blown the thing
with Cousin Ronnie,
409
00:21:36,363 --> 00:21:37,696
There's always
her place.
410
00:21:37,697 --> 00:21:40,165
You could visit from
the shelter on weekends.
411
00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:43,502
Roll it down.
412
00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:46,839
Yes, officer?
413
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,741
What are you kids
doing in there?
414
00:21:48,742 --> 00:21:51,977
We're filling out our
applications for college.
415
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:55,681
My mom won't let us
do it in the house.
416
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:06,225
Oh, hey, let's tell them
that you didn't think
417
00:22:06,226 --> 00:22:08,093
That your trailer
was big enough
418
00:22:08,094 --> 00:22:10,229
So you threw
a major fit, okay?
419
00:22:10,230 --> 00:22:12,631
'cause the tabloids
love when you do that.
420
00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:16,702
How 'bout if we say
I threw a cup of tea in your face?
421
00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:18,404
You know, it really
is exhausting
422
00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:19,805
Pretending all the time
423
00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:21,807
To be this difficult to
get along with, isn't it.
424
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:24,677
Yes.
Would you like my last piece of gum?
425
00:22:24,678 --> 00:22:26,311
Thank you.
426
00:22:26,312 --> 00:22:28,847
Oh, i've got it.
I've got it.
427
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,449
We'll feed 'em
a story
428
00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:32,885
That I caught you
flirting with Tom
429
00:22:32,886 --> 00:22:35,521
And then we got into
this huge catfight
430
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:36,989
And now you're suing me
431
00:22:36,990 --> 00:22:39,058
For half of
all my stuff.
432
00:22:39,059 --> 00:22:41,760
Here, let me
help you with that.
433
00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:45,864
You know, it's been so
great being on the show.
434
00:22:47,934 --> 00:22:49,968
Any of you guys
want some coffee?
435
00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:52,171
Yeah, I would.
Make it two.
436
00:22:52,172 --> 00:22:54,940
Hey, steve! You and andy
want some coffee?
437
00:22:54,941 --> 00:22:56,809
Collins is making
another pot.
438
00:22:58,912 --> 00:23:00,813
Coming right up!
439
00:23:00,814 --> 00:23:02,881
You know,
I was thinking
440
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,516
About your credit
on the show,
441
00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:05,818
And I just don't think
442
00:23:05,819 --> 00:23:08,287
"guest star" is
important enough, so I was thinking,
443
00:23:08,288 --> 00:23:11,724
How 'bout if I put
your name above mine in the titles?
444
00:23:11,725 --> 00:23:13,025
Oh, please.
445
00:23:13,026 --> 00:23:14,960
Don't even bother
about it.
446
00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:17,996
Just leave it off
if you don't have the room.
447
00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:19,798
In fact,
you know what?
448
00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:22,034
Don't even pay me.
449
00:23:23,436 --> 00:23:25,104
Anyone for cream?
450
00:23:25,154 --> 00:23:29,704
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34514
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.