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1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,669
[harmonica wails]
2
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,272
Darlene, how's
the laundry coming?
3
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:10,542
Oh, it came
about as far as the living room.
4
00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:12,811
Will it be coming to
the actual washing machine?
5
00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:16,582
Eventually. I mean,
it's pretty whupped from the first leg of its journey.
6
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:19,318
Darlene, I'd like
to take a shower.
7
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:22,287
It'd be nice to have a towel.
Let me just finish this.
8
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:25,524
No. You work
around our schedule, not the other way around.
9
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,526
Ah.
10
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:30,562
You see, Becky worked
around your schedule because she didn't have a life.
11
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:33,999
Fortunately,
you've raised me to defy authority.
12
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:35,868
Now!
13
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:38,971
The fuehrer needs
a fluff and fold. I got to go.
14
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:44,376
Oh, hell, look at this.
We got flyers again.
15
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:47,646
Spray and spray,
but they keep coming back.
16
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:52,117
Would you please
fold that laundry and put it away?
17
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,186
Okay.
18
00:00:55,255 --> 00:00:57,823
Any luck with
the job hunt? Yeah.
19
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,126
Actually,
one place offered me an executive position.
20
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:04,596
Unfortunately,
I'm allergic to corn dog batter.
21
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:06,699
Pity.
22
00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:08,967
However, my story
is one of success.
23
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:11,970
Today I fixed
a kid's bicycle chain for five dollars.
24
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:14,807
Swimmin' pools,
movie stars.
25
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,778
What's for dinner?
Well, d.J.,
26
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:22,348
Even though mommy
was out all day looking for a job,
27
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:25,484
She still had time to
plan tonight's menu.
28
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:29,054
Go through these pizza ads
and order whatever's 2 for 1.
29
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,124
Did Becky call?
Yeah.
30
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:35,728
So what'd she have to say?
I don't know. You'd have to ask Darlene.
31
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:39,932
How long is this
gonna go on, Dan? She's called every single day.
32
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,036
So, what, you're not
gonna talk to her for the whole rest of your life?
33
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:47,439
Hey. There's a new place
called final notice.
34
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,975
Give me that.
35
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,313
It's from
the electric company. Oh!
36
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:57,416
They're cutting us off at 5.
Didn't you pay that bill?
37
00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:59,651
Well, I had to choose
38
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:02,121
Between water
and electricity, Dan,
39
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:05,958
And you can only live
2 days without water.
40
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:09,061
Sure, I can take a bath,
but I can't throw the toaster in.
41
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,600
Hello, this is
Roseanne conner,
42
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,074
I don't know.
A few months.
43
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,210
I can't believe
they're cutting us off after the very first final notice.
44
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:31,450
Hello? Okay, I got
this kind of a warning
45
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:33,452
On my doorknob
from you guys,
46
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,955
Saying you're gonna
cut us off at 5, which is in, like, about 3 minutes.
47
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:40,359
What am I supposed to do?
48
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:43,629
Well, hey, I sent
a check in there.
49
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,732
It ain't my faultif you guys didn't get it.
50
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,803
Well, no, I can't get
down there that fast.
51
00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:53,305
Hey, I know.
You're there.
52
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:57,176
Why don't you write
a check, and then I'll cover it on Monday.
53
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,945
I'm good for it.
54
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,748
We're screwed.
55
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:06,752
Okay, listen up,
family.
56
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:10,556
If anybody has anything
to do this weekend that requires electricity,
57
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:13,058
You've got about
2 minutes.
58
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:16,295
Oh, rats.
And it way my turn to vacuum the house.
59
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,064
I'll try to dig up
some flashlights and candles.
60
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,800
I'm gonna watch tv.
[tv switches on]
61
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,269
Way to help out, son.
62
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:30,476
Well, I'd better
turn up the fridge.
63
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,611
[tv audio slows, stops]
64
00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:38,817
Well, middle class
was fun.
65
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,788
[theme]
66
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,696
[Roseanne laughing]
67
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:33,038
[Roseanne]
I can't believe that nobody can figure what this is.
68
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:36,375
Here, I'll give you
one more clue.
69
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,678
Moo-oo!
70
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,248
A cow?
You got it.
71
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,384
Okay, here's
another one.
72
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:49,221
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
73
00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:55,627
Give me another clue.
It's a rooster.
74
00:04:55,695 --> 00:05:00,032
"it's a rooster."
is it a cow?
75
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,835
I told you this was
gonna be fun.
76
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:06,171
Oh, yeah. Now let's
play lizzie borden.
77
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:08,173
I'm bored.
78
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:11,276
And stupid.
Don't forget stupid.
79
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,379
All right, everyone.
More flashlight fun.
80
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:16,782
Everybody grab one
in each hand, turn 'em on, and wave 'em around on the wall.
81
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,453
[Dan imitating rock music]
82
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,691
[Roseanne]
oh, look, it's...
83
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:30,029
It's a laser show
at the iron butterfly concert!
84
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:32,498
All right, enough.
85
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:35,300
Hey, my
battery's dead.
86
00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:38,737
Oh, no problem, d.J.
Get the one out of the smoke detector.
87
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:43,375
That's dangerous, Darlene.
What if I need it for the remote control?
88
00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,678
Hey, Deej?
Forget the flashlights. Come on down here, son.
89
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,750
You know, when
I was a kid, my grandpa
90
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:54,119
Used to tell me
about when he was a kid,
91
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,121
Before there was tv,
92
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,657
They used to sit around
and tell stories.
93
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:02,561
What kind of stories?
I don't know. That was his best one.
94
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:05,064
But I bet your mom could
make up a good one, couldn't you, honey?
95
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:08,734
Oh, okay, let's see.
Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um,
96
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,903
Um, um, um...
97
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,572
Ah! I got one.
Okay.
98
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:17,476
Well, once upon a time
there was these 4 princesses,
99
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,346
And they lived in
this great, big house all together,
100
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,348
And they never left,
okay?
101
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:25,484
And they just sat
around all the time talking and talking
102
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,986
And yammering
and yammering,
103
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,489
And they killed
every single man who ever came over there
104
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,158
Except for one,
who they kept as a pet.
105
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:37,496
And then one time,
these 2 princesses left
106
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,632
And then these other 2
came on and they really stunk, and--
107
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:44,036
Mom, that's designing women.
108
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,473
Oh, you figured it out.
109
00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:50,342
Let me try to
make one up. Go for it, son.
110
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,911
I'm in hell.
111
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:56,348
Okay, um,
there was this guy,
112
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,751
And he was walking
down the street,
113
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,886
And he kept walking.
114
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,589
Then he found something,
and then he lost it.
115
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,528
And there was this car
with a guy in it.
116
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,663
Then he got
something.
117
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,369
And there was
this dog,
118
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:21,273
And he was barking
because the window was open.
119
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,809
Not so much
he could jump out,
120
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,911
But um...
121
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:30,883
The end.
122
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:34,953
Darlene...
I'm sorry, but this bites.
123
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:38,323
Yeah, it really
kind of does.
124
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,759
Hey, I got an idea.
How about me and you,
125
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:44,563
Tomorrow we'll go do
something together, something real special.
126
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,066
Like what?
I don't know.
127
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:51,103
Maybe we could go
soak up some electricity down at the mall.
128
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,806
I don't do
the mall, mother.
129
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:56,342
Oh, come on.
It'd be a lot of fun, you know.
130
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,644
Becky and I used to
go down there, okay,
131
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,146
And this one time...
[chuckling]
132
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,149
One time we were over
at rodvelle's, you know,
133
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:07,953
And we went in
and we stuck all the mannequins' skirts
134
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:10,923
Right up their butt,
you know?
135
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,258
And then we went over
to hickory farms
136
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,261
And we squeezed all
the cheese logs and ran.
137
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:20,933
What do you say?
[knock at door]
138
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,369
Please let that
be child welfare.
139
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,474
It's about time.
Sorry.
140
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:31,477
Hey, Mrs. Conner,
Mr. Conner. [Dan] son.
141
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:34,646
This is weird.
When are you gonna have light again?
142
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:36,682
Oh. Just as soon
as the earth
143
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,385
Spins back around
towards the sun.
144
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,620
Okay, well,
we're out of here.
145
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,555
Whoa, whoa!
Where you goin'?
146
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,060
Upstairs,
to work on our comic. Alone?
147
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,095
With no lights on?
I don't think so.
148
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,331
What do you think
we're gonna do?
149
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,667
If I think about it,
you're grounded.
150
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,503
No, I want you to stay
down here. If you want, you can work in the kitchen.
151
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:01,707
What, and be distracted by all
the fun you're having in here? I couldn't concentrate.
152
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,943
Keep running back in
every time I thought of a new shadow puppet.
153
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,347
This is stupid.
Let's go.
154
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:11,016
Get back down here!
Come on!
155
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:14,987
Darlene...
David, which one of us could hurt you more?
156
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,391
I'm not sure.
157
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:22,461
Dad, we're just gonna work.
Why are you assuming something's gonna happen?
158
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,797
I mean, come on.
He's not Mark.
159
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:28,067
That's true, Dan.
Mark had a
160
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:30,936
Sexy kind of dangerous
thing going on.
161
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,205
This is David.
162
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,842
Yeah, okay.
Go ahead.
163
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,990
Okay, where were we?
Right here.
164
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:55,027
No, come on, David.
We've got to finish this.
165
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,230
Okay.
Uh, right.
166
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:01,200
Here's where you had
the skinless man pin the moth woman alive
167
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,202
To the collector's board.
168
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:07,072
Hey, look at the size
of the moth woman's breasts.
169
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:11,043
So?
So they're huge. They weren't like that before.
170
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:15,114
She was a caterpillar
before, for god's sakes.
171
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:19,018
Look at this.
All the women have enormous breasts.
172
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:22,821
I just thought
they'd be more interesting that way.
173
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,225
You're just
getting off on this.
174
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,227
I mean, look at
some of this stuff you've got them doing.
175
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,963
I didn't write this sleaze.
Is this all you think about?
176
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:34,333
Yeah, I think about it.
Thinking about it is all I can do.
177
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,436
What's that
supposed to mean?
178
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,471
Come on, Darlene.
179
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,607
We've been going out
for a while.
180
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:45,911
There's a lot of people that
have been going out for a lot less and doing a lot more.
181
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,882
All right.
Well, let's do it right now.
182
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:59,324
You know, you make it sound
like it's this bad thing,
183
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,927
When all I want to do
is get closer to you.
184
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,930
I thought, you know,
we're here and it's dark...
185
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,132
I thought maybe
we could mess around.
186
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:13,038
If I feel like messing around--
and I am extremely flattered that you call it that--
187
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,241
Then I'll let you know.
188
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,211
Till then, chill.
189
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:22,047
Okay.
I'm sorry.
190
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:24,850
Let's just get
back to work. Fine.
191
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:28,554
You can start by
erasing those.
192
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,756
And those.
193
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,891
And that.
194
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:45,604
Okay, does anybody
want anything? Because I'm opening.
195
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:49,708
I need something
to wash down those 5 lean cuisines.
196
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:53,846
Oh, how about
green jell-o?
197
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:56,415
I'm your boy.
[door shuts]
198
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,255
Hi, guys.
199
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,657
Oh, you guys are
not going to believe
200
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,293
The time I had
201
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:11,630
At that singles dance
last night.
202
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:13,632
I haven't even
been home yet.
203
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,834
Not that I met anybody
or anything,
204
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,971
But Nancy and I
had a few, so...
205
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:22,508
I just decided to crash
at her place for a while, you know,
206
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,877
Just for the night.
207
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:28,313
You ought to turn
the freezer up. It's getting kind of warm in there.
208
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:31,784
Anyway...
Jackie, let me make you some breakfast, okay, because--
209
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:34,386
Roseanne, I'm right
in the middle of a story here, okay?
210
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,955
Anyway, the second
we walk in the door,
211
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:39,725
Nancy starts throwing
herself at any jerk
212
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,994
Who's wearing old spice,
213
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,996
Which leaves me
completely alone,
214
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:47,466
Having to fight off
this whole parade of losers.
215
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,468
This one guy
actually said,
216
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,404
"you're under arrest
for stealing my heart."
217
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:55,140
It was priceless!
[laughing]
218
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,676
Pathetic!
219
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,678
I just want to...
220
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:02,181
See if any of 'em called.
221
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,255
Hey, there's a message
from you on here, Roseanne.
222
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:13,158
What do you need candles
and flashlights for?
223
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,964
Oh.
224
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,233
Well, we don't have
any lights,
225
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,802
But now we know
the speed of stupid.
226
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,577
How was I supposed to know
they cut your power?
227
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:35,547
Well, we thought maybe
the lack of electricity might tip you off.
228
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,716
[ringing]
229
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:40,886
Hey, you want to
shut down that blender? I can't hear.
230
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,157
Hello?
It's for you.
231
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:47,059
What, is it Becky?
232
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,096
I'm sick of making up
all these excuses for you, Dan.
233
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,666
You want to hang up
on your daughter, you hang up on her yourself.
234
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:56,268
Come on, Deej.
Let's go work off that breakfast.
235
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:01,140
Uh, Becky.
Hi!
236
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:04,576
No! No, they're just
having a problem with the electricity,
237
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:07,680
So he had to go,
um, change a fuse.
238
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:10,582
And they will probably
call you back in just a little bit.
239
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,485
Okay? Sure.
Bye-bye.
240
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:17,156
Roseanne, this thing
with Dan and Becky can't go on forever.
241
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,291
I know.
Sooner or later
242
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,627
They'll cut
the phone off too.
243
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,396
No, now, come on.
244
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:28,600
First things first.
How do we get the electricity back on?
245
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:31,136
You pay the bill.
246
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,138
Good.
Good, good, good.
247
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,241
Okay, how fast can
they restore service?
248
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,844
Well, they said
if they got the cash early enough on Monday,
249
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,846
Then they would turn
everything back on
250
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:43,048
Whenever the hell
they feel like it.
251
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:46,218
No!
That's not right.
252
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,754
I'm gonna make a call
and see if they can get it on
253
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:50,923
Any sooner
than that.
254
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:52,925
Did you tell them
you have children?
255
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:55,094
Yeah, they don't want 'em.
256
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,382
Morning.
257
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,984
David, you're early.
Yeah, yeah, I'm early.
258
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:23,155
I just got here.
I couldn't sleep at my house, where I was before.
259
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,026
Well, I guess you had
kind of a rough night, huh?
260
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:30,896
Come on in, honey,
and tell me all about it.
261
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:33,132
You are dead!
Mom, wait.
262
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,434
No, you wait!
Nothing happened, mom!
263
00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:38,771
I trusted you.
What'd I miss?
264
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,273
We were working
on the comic book. We hit this great roll.
265
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,809
We ended up
pulling an all-nighter. That's all that happened, okay?
266
00:15:43,877 --> 00:15:45,878
[door shuts]
ohh...
267
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,414
Hey, rose, did you...
David, you back again?
268
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,816
Don't you have
a home? Yes.
269
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:53,852
Don't they
miss you there? Yes.
270
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,657
First thing this morning,
there he is, knocking on the door again.
271
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,793
You know, I think
you guys are seeing too much of each other.
272
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,895
You should go home
now, David.
273
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:06,131
[opens door]
yeah. Uh, good night.
274
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:08,200
I mean, bye.
275
00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:19,912
Hey.
Hey.
276
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,250
Did you tell dad?
No.
277
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,887
You're much more use
to me alive.
278
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:32,091
Thanks for not going
psychotic on us. Yeah, well, you're welcome.
279
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:35,327
I was just trying
to be a cool mom.
280
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:38,063
I appreciate it.
Yeah.
281
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,033
And as a cool mom,
282
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:44,436
I want to save you from
some of the embarrassment that Becky went through,
283
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,905
So I'm just gonna go ahead
and bring this up first.
284
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,807
Bring what up first?
285
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,377
Uh, Monday we'll go
to the gynecologist
286
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,379
And get you some
birth-control.
287
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,381
Why?
288
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,351
Well, because I just don't
think I'm responsible enough
289
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:02,354
To be a grandmother yet.
290
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,823
Nothing happened last night.
I told you that.
291
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:08,327
Oh, Darlene, he spent
the whole night in your room. I'm not stupid.
292
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:11,563
Yeah, well, neither am I.
First of all, I don't want to have sex yet.
293
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,966
And second, you think
I'd do it with you 20 feet away?
294
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,769
Why not? You could do it
real quiet without us knowing about it.
295
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,837
Really? You can't.
296
00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:41,660
You mean you can hear us?
297
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:46,799
Last night I had to
tell David you were moving furniture.
298
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:55,908
Well, fine. We're not
talking about my sex life. I'm an adult.
299
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,177
We're talking about
your sex life.
300
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,512
I don't have
a sex life.
301
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,449
But if I did, I wouldn't
tell you, 'cause I don't think it's any of your business.
302
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,718
And unlike your other daughter,
if I needed birth control,
303
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,720
I'd know how to
take care of it myself.
304
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,722
I don't need you
to hold my hand.
305
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:12,091
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why won't you just let me do this?
306
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:15,160
Oh, I see.
This is for you.
307
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,629
Well, how about this?
We'll go get me birth control tomorrow,
308
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:21,300
I'll go have sex with David,
and then we can celebrate at the mall.
309
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:24,837
That should be
your perfect day. Darlene...
310
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,172
Darlene,
you get back here!
311
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,477
Leave me alone.
I am just trying to be nice, damn it!
312
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:34,947
What's going on here?
Nothing. Can I have some money for a movie, please?
313
00:18:35,015 --> 00:18:37,583
Sorry, all I have
is hundreds.
314
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,651
We're not done
talking, Darlene.
315
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,954
Fine. Then just anything.
Just a few bucks
316
00:18:42,022 --> 00:18:43,956
So I can get out of this
stupid house and do something.
317
00:18:44,024 --> 00:18:46,859
You're not going anywhere.
This discussion's over, mother.
318
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:50,396
I'm not gonna relive some
gynecological bonding moment you had with Becky.
319
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,565
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You want to tell me what we're talking about here?
320
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,968
I'll tell you later.
No, let's tell him now.
321
00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:59,038
Mom wants me to
go on the pill because Becky had sex.
322
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,444
I don't think
that'll work.
323
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,883
I don't think that
this is the proper time
324
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,318
For you to discuss this
with your father, Darlene.
325
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,821
Why not? I have
nothing to hide.
326
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:18,457
David never left
last night.
327
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,459
We stayed up all night long
working on the comic book.
328
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:23,328
I'm sorry. I screwed up,
but I didn't sleep with him.
329
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,330
[seething]
calm down. I'm handling this.
330
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:28,534
No, I'm handling this.
There's nothing to handle. Don't you listen?
331
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,536
Yeah, I heard.
And I'll be damned
332
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,538
If I'm gonna let this
happen twice.
333
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,640
You are not gonna
see David again, do you hear me, Darlene?
334
00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:38,977
I don't believe this.
You guys are treating me like I'm Becky. I'm not Becky.
335
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:41,880
I don't go to the mall
like Becky, I don't do great laundry like Becky,
336
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:45,517
I don't love school
like Becky, and I don't sleep with my boyfriend like Becky!
337
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:48,620
So what are you
getting at, Becky?
338
00:19:49,923 --> 00:19:51,857
What I'm getting at, mother,
is I'm stuck here,
339
00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:53,859
So I'm paying for
how she screwed up.
340
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:56,495
But if you guys have a problem,
you deal with Becky. Leave me out of it.
341
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,768
[door slams]
342
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:09,274
Remember how excited
we were when she first learned to talk?
343
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,781
Think she's
telling the truth?
344
00:20:15,849 --> 00:20:19,051
Well, if she went to
all the trouble of saying it in front of you,
345
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,053
I guess she'd
have to be.
346
00:20:21,121 --> 00:20:23,055
You should have
told me, Roseanne.
347
00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:25,691
I don't even know
what I can tell you anymore, Dan,
348
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:29,294
And what I can't tell you,
'cause you already got one kid that you won't even talk to.
349
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:35,200
Well,
350
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:37,870
Stuff happens around here,
I should know about it.
351
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,872
Okay.
352
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,374
Well, brace yourself.
353
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,610
The kids can hear you
having sex.
354
00:21:14,174 --> 00:21:16,508
[line ringing]
355
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,577
[Becky]hello? Hey, Beck.
356
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:21,513
Dad?
Yeah, it's me. How you doin'?
357
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:24,583
I'm good.
How are you doin'? [mouthing words]
358
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:27,152
I'm okay.Good to hear your voice.
359
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:29,922
Yeah, it's good to
hear your voice too.
360
00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,359
So, how's mom?
361
00:21:33,426 --> 00:21:35,427
She's fine.
362
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:41,700
So I heard it was...
Really cold up there last week,
363
00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:44,737
And I was just wondering
if your landlord put in the storm windows yet.
364
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:47,106
No, I don't thinkwe have them, dad.
365
00:21:47,173 --> 00:21:49,274
Well, that's crazy.
You're gonna freeze.
366
00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:51,276
Okay, listen.
Here's what you do.
367
00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:53,712
Just go down to
any hardware store, and you get this stuff--
368
00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:55,814
Plastic window insulator.
369
00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:58,450
You want the indoor kit,
not the outdoor kit.
370
00:21:58,518 --> 00:22:00,452
Okay, Beck?
371
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,889
Now, all you do
is you fit the plastic to the size of the window.
372
00:22:03,957 --> 00:22:06,992
Listen, dad,I don't know muchabout this stuff.
373
00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:09,161
No, no, honey.
It's not that hard.
374
00:22:09,229 --> 00:22:13,666
You just shrink the plastic
with a hair dryer. I know you know how to use one of those.
375
00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:17,469
Dad, maybe you shouldbe talking to Markabout all this stuff.
376
00:22:17,537 --> 00:22:20,305
Yeah, ok...
Okay, put him on.
377
00:22:20,373 --> 00:22:22,441
Okay.Hang on.
378
00:22:22,509 --> 00:22:24,710
[Mark]hey, Dan. Hey, Mark.
379
00:22:24,778 --> 00:22:27,780
How's it going?
Fine, and you?
380
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:31,050
Real good. Listen, I was just
talking to Becky about, um,
381
00:22:31,117 --> 00:22:33,919
You guys should have
a plastic window insulator.
382
00:22:33,987 --> 00:22:36,221
[Jackie humming]
383
00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:43,395
[ humming "there's no
business like show business"]
384
00:23:01,414 --> 00:23:03,682
Give me that!
No.
385
00:23:03,750 --> 00:23:06,318
Come on, I want it.
No.
386
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:08,420
Give me it.
No. No.
387
00:23:08,488 --> 00:23:10,823
Come on, no!
Give it, then! Give it!
388
00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:13,325
Give it!
Come on! [laughing]
389
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,135
What's going on?
Aah! Aah!
390
00:23:23,185 --> 00:23:27,735
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