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You guys can't write off some of this stuff you have down here.

Those are 100% legitimate business expenses.

$1,200 For "a boob job"?

It's not a boob job.

It's a breast reduction.

We're taking it as a loss.

I Buy it.

I, Uh...I don't think the irs will,

But it is medical,

So you can write it off as a personal deduction.

Dy-no-mite!

Now, um...

Is this your monthly balance?

Because you seem to be a little short on cash.

That must be the wrong page.

We're not short on cash.

We actually have none.

Uh, what happened to all that snowmobile repair work, Dan?

Did it.

Spent it.

Uh, well, look,

I'll, uh, I'll run all this stuff through my computer,

And when I have your returns ready,

I'll give you a call.

Thanks, art. Listen,

What do we owe you?

I could write you a check.

You kill me, Dan.

Hey, Darlene, heard that joke

You made up about trudy burke.

It's really funny.

Thanks. The beauty part is,

It doesn't just have to be about trudy.

It works for any girl with a mustache.

Did you know that trudy heard it, too?

Good. Maybe she'll pull a comb through that thing.

Another good one.

You can tell her that tomorrow

When she's beating the crap out of you.

What are you talking about?

She doesn't know that joke was mine.

Did I forget to tell you

Your friend stacy ratted you out?

Why'd she do that?

So trudy would let her out of her locker.

All right, so trudy knows.

But I mouth off to everybody.

People love that about me.

Look on the bright side.

You may really like your new face.

And, man, he is so smart.

He knows so much stuff about taxes and everything.

I swear, it's fascinating.

Taxes are fascinating, Roseanne?

Well, not normally, you know,

But when art's talking about it,

I swear, you laugh, you cry.

Not my type.

Oh, you don't know that.

You're telling me I don't know my type?

Well, he's cute, and he's funny.

He looks like the lucky charms guy.

Well, it's what's inside that counts, Jackie.

And inside, this guy has a time-share condo in florida.

Can we drop it, please?

I'm trying to tell you something.

Can I say one more thing about it?

Why can't you date him?

Roseanne!

What do you want to tell me?

I'm thinking about...

Going into therapy.

You mean like a shrink?

Yeah.

Why?

There's a lot of reasons.

Like what?

Oh, I just haven't been happy lately,

And with mom and dad breaking up,

It makes me think how crazy our childhood was,

And there's a lot of stuff I've got to deal with.

When would you start?

Two months ago.

What?

I can't believe it. That stinks.

I'm your sister and you go and do something that major

Without even talking to me first?

Calm down.

I'm really upset about this.

How come you can talk to some stranger

And you can't talk to me?

Because when I tell her my problems,

We don't spend the next hour

Talking about how that makes her feel.

O.k. I'm sorry.

I guess it is a good idea, then.

I'm glad you told me.

Finally.

You're welcome.

You know, art goes to therapy.

Hey!

Hey.

I had an idea about the shop.

I'm not sure if it's crazy.

Let's run it by Jackie and find out.

Roseanne!

Does everybody have to know about this?

I was only going to tell Dan.

It's a very personal thing.

He's family.

I'm asking you to keep it to yourself.

O.k., I won't tell Dan.

All righty.

Fine.

I'm going to take off now. I'll call you later.

What's the idea with the shop?

Arnie came by this afternoon with a tattoo artist.

He wants to rent part of the shop--

300 A month, and he could bring by a lot of bikers.

A tattoo guy? I don't know.

Don't worry. I didn't commit to anything.

I'll have art check out the deal.

Well, what's this guy like?

I didn't talk to him much,

But I think he's a very talented artist

Who's paid his debt to society.

Gil here, he's the absolute best.

People come to him from all over.

Damn it, you're hitting bone!

Don't pay attention to me.

It's easier than it seems.

Actually, it's kind of a macho thing.

Oh, mommy!

Excuse us one moment.

What do you think, art?

Uh, I don't know, Dan.

Financially, it's a good idea,

But personally, I got to wonder about a guy

Who's covered his entire body with tattoos.

Yeah.

Think he's got one on mr. Winkie?

I don't really want to know, Dan.

Danny, check it out.

Nice work.

Thanks. Want one? On the house.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Pretty tempting there, gil. Maybe some other time.

Get Roseanne's name on the old bicep there.

The babes dig that.

I got a chicken pox scar on my arm

Looks just like her.

Hi. What's going on?

Hey, honey. Say hello to gil.

How you doing?

Hi, gil.

He's the tattoo guy.

No kidding?

So, uh, art. Jackie say hi to art.

How you doing, art?

Hi, Jackie.

Anybody going to say hi to me?

Well, we've got to go.

I got to try to get some money out of Dan first.

This might take a minute.

I better be going.

O.k. Take it easy, art.

Uh, Jackie, I was wondering

If I could talk to you for a second?

Sure.

So, uh... How's it going?

Great. You?

Great, great, uh...

Tax season. Busy, busy.

Oh, I bet.

Um...

I hear you're a trucker.

That must be really interesting.

Well, that keeps me busy.

As a matter of fact,

I Get so busy sometimes,

I have very little time left for a social life.

It sounds kind of lonely.

Well, I figure if you're o.k. With yourself,

Then you're o.k. With being alone.

Yeah. I--I...

I'm alone a lot, too.

You seem to be dealing really well with that.

Um...

Sometimes. Sometimes.

But, um...

I was thinking maybe...some night

When you're in town,

We could go out to dinner.

Uh-huh.

Well...

Uh, that would be nice.

I Tell you what.

When things do start to slow down for me,

Then why don't I give you a call?

Got it.

Well, um...

I better be going.

Uh, give, uh...

Well, say goodbye for me.

O.k.

It was nice running into you.

Ohh.

Damn.

So what did art want?

You know, I don't think

That I've ever been as angry with you

As I am right now.

Sure, you have.

That was a nice guy,

And you forced me to hurt him.

You didn't even give him a chance.

I said I didn't want to go out with him,

But you wouldn't leave it at that.

Well, just one dinner.

I don't believe it. I'm standing right here,

And you're not listening to a single word I'm saying!

Oh, yeah. Your therapy's working out real good.

What?

You still getting beat up today?

Shut up.

You're eating too much.

You'll barf.

Just 'cause you followed us home from the circus

Doesn't mean you can talk to us.

Hey, you should listen to him, Darlene.

He gets creamed like every other week.

Fall down early and stay down.

I can handle this.

You can't take her, Darlene.

I'm not going to try.

I'll talk my way out of it.

O.k. Just stay down.

You don't believe me?

Dad, can I talk to you about something?

Coming.

Watch.

Yeah, Darlene.

I'm really sorry I called you wide load yesterday.

I mean, I meant it to be funny,

And I really thought you'd laugh.

I've been thinking about it.

Now I realize it was really insensitive.

Darlene...tie your hair back real tight

So she can't swing you around with it.

You're dead, Darlene.

Oh, man.

Keep your arms in front of your face.

Eventually she'll wear herself out.

[Roseanne] are they gone yet?

Yeah, honey.

Good. I love them and everything,

But I ain't in the mood.

How's your headache?

It's gone.

[Jackie] hey!

It's back.

Roseanne, we need to talk.

We certainly do.

Oh, boy, when's Dan going to get out of here?

See you later.

Play nice.

Well...

I Assume you're here to apologize.

I have spoken to my therapist.

She thinks it would be a good idea

If you came down to talk to her.

Why? You're the nut.

She thinks one reason I may be a nut

Is because of you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Whenever I talk to her, your name keeps coming up.

You're a very big influence on me, Roseanne,

And she thinks she can help sort it out.

We had a fight. That's all.

So you're not going to come down.

Is she going to ask us

All kind of personal questions and stuff?

That is sort of the point.

O.k. Well...

Let's get our story straight

Before we go down there.

Roseanne, we're all on the same side,

So please don't feel defensive.

O.k.

I'm not a judge or a referee.

We're both here for one reason-- to help Jackie.

Get her, doc.

Nobody's here to get anybody,

Nor will we solve the problem in one session.

Hey, I have no problem, o.k.?

I'm just here to help out eleanor rigby there.

Hey!

Now, Roseanne--

Here's where I get yelled at.

I'd just like to set up boundaries.

In fact, let's work on listening without judging.

Roseanne, I'm going to ask Jackie how she feels.

Some of this may hurt,

But I don't want you to answer back.

Instead, I want you to repeat what she said

In your own words.

O.k.

O.k. Now, Jackie, last session

We talked about how choices are difficult for you.

Yeah. Well...

It's just... Everything I do.

I'm always wondering what she's going to say

Because she's so judgmental.

Can you be specific?

Well, it's just everything.

It's...if I'm going to be a cop,

What's she going to say?

If I cut my hair, will she laugh?

If I go out with this guy

Or if I move

Or see a movie or buy a book.

It's everything.

O.k.

Now, Roseanne, what did you just hear?

In your own words.

Why would you want

To move out of your apartment?

I mean, you pay really low rent.

It's a great place. You should see it.

O.k., o.k. Let's start over.

Uh...

And remember, Roseanne,

I'm asking you not to judge her,

Just to listen to her.

O.k., but she doesn't have to pay utilities.

Even if it is a horrible mistake

To move out of my apartment,

It's my mistake.

I'm not one of your children.

Then you go make a mistake,

And you come to me to clean it up.

Of course. You're my sister.

Oh. Oh. So I see.

I can't say anything to stop the mistake,

But I mop it up after.

If you loved me, I'd think you'd want to.

You better call for backup.

All right. Uh, all right.

Let's try something different.

Let's try a little exercise.

Jackie, you go first.

I want you to turn to Roseanne

And say "you're my sister, and I love you because..."

And fill in the rest.

O.k.

What's taking you so long?

Well, o.k.

I got it.

Uh...

You're my sister,

And I love you because you're strong.

That's it?

Well, it's not that easy. You do it.

O.k. I Will.

You're my sister,

And I love you

Because you're warm and caring and giving

And nurturing and kind,

But you know, your problem is--

Hold up. Hold up.

Try it without the but.

O.k.

O.k. You're my sister, and I love you

Because we've shared so many things, although--

Uh, that's another but.

I don't like this game.

Let's go back to the listening deal.

O.k. We'll come back to this later.

Jackie, your turn to listen.

Roseanne, tell me, how do you feel

When you think Jackie's making a mistake?

Well, I worry about her.

Why?

'Cause I don't want her to get hurt,

And if I can see some way of preventing that,

I'll say something.

Jackie? In your own words?

I mean, I know this art isn't gorgeous or anything,

But he'd be nice to her, and he'd protect her.

It wouldn't be so awful to marry such a guy.

Do you want her married to such a guy

So he could take over for you,

Then you wouldn't have to look out for Jackie anymore?

Are you kidding?

What does she know about being married?

The thing is, see,

I didn't realize I was treating you like a kid.

Oh, please.

O.k. I did realize it.

I just--I just didn't think you knew.

Well, at least you went with me,

And we learned how we can talk this stuff out.

Well, I want you to know

That it is, uh, really hard for me

To, uh, dialogue with you

With a, uh, without a, uh...

Confrontational agenda.

I hear that,

But you've got to learn

How to let go of your control issues

Without that triggering your whole abandonment issue.

I hear that.

Now...

There's one thing I want to say to you

In a totally, um...

Non-manipulative and non-judgmental...

Context.

I'm hearing that.

Um...

O.k. The responsibility that I feel towards you

Is all your fault.

How?

[Telephone rings]

Oh. I'm sorry. Our time is up.

Jeez.

Hello.

Oh, yeah. Just a minute.

Dan! Phone!

I want you to know

It's art on the phone,

And I'm not saying a thing.

Good.

And I'll try to ease up on you,

Although it's very hard.

And I'll try and remember that you mean well.

So...

You want to go to therapy anymore?

You want to?

Yeah, if you do.

Yeah. Thanks.

Who is it?

Mr. Right.

Hey, art.

Oh! Boundaries! We had boundaries!

It was just a joke.

You're busting the boundaries!

I hear you, and I'm sorry.

No, no. That's it. No.

I'm out of here.

Will you be back in time for dinner?

O.k.

All right, art. Yeah. Thanks.

Well, we might have to lose the tattoo guy.

Why for?

Our insurance company won't cover him

Unless we pay more.

It's a shame. He does such nice work.

Wow!

It's permanent.

Just for you because you are permanent in my life.

Yeah, well, my name's Roseanne.

I Call you rose.

You never do.

He stopped in the middle.

Why?

It hurt.

God, Dan.

Well, how about rosey?

I'll make it rosey.

I could handle a "y."

O.k. Again, remember, we're here for Jackie.

Now who wants to start?

I guess I'll go first.

Um...

If you're married to the same woman for 19 years,

Isn't that proof enough that you love her?

You know, arlene, he has some other woman's name

Tattooed on his arm.

It's your name!

It is not my name!

It is Mrs.. Kennedy's name!

I'll never get this off.

I'm stuck for the rest of my life.

Now you know what it's like

To be married to you.

Jeez. Cut it out.

I mean, did you forget why we came?

Thank you, Becky.

O.k. I want to talk about me and Mark.

When will you get over him?

I can't believe this!

You guys aren't here for me at all.

You're here to work out all your own family crap!

[Darlene] excuse me.

Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.

I don't mean to interrupt,

But it's time for my medication.

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