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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
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00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:15,267
No. Go back
in the basement
3
00:00:15,267 --> 00:00:18,133
Till I tell mom
and dad about you.
4
00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:21,067
Stay. I'll go
get you some food.
5
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,167
Morning, D.J.
6
00:00:38,968 --> 00:00:41,467
Can I have
the car tonight?
7
00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:43,100
Where are you going?
8
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,901
Mother, I'm 17.
You don't have to be overprotective.
9
00:00:45,901 --> 00:00:49,067
Yes, I do.
I love that car.
10
00:00:49,067 --> 00:00:52,133
Roseanne, remember
the poker game's here tonight.
11
00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:55,067
Why can't you have it
at Chuckie's house?
12
00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:56,601
It's my turn.
13
00:00:56,601 --> 00:00:58,000
What's this?
14
00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:03,834
Dan, we shouldn't
have let D.J. have that chemistry set.
15
00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:11,067
What have you got
to say for yourself?
16
00:01:11,067 --> 00:01:14,100
Can I have a dog?
17
00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:17,100
We're not keeping it.
That thing is disgusting.
18
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:19,100
I'll take care
of him.
19
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,033
Honey, that's
what you said
20
00:01:21,033 --> 00:01:22,501
About the frog
and turtle
21
00:01:22,501 --> 00:01:25,100
And the goldfish
and the mouse,
22
00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:27,534
And they're all
in heaven now,
23
00:01:27,534 --> 00:01:28,534
Aren't they,
honey?
24
00:01:28,534 --> 00:01:31,534
Mom, the dog stinks
worse than D.J.
25
00:01:31,534 --> 00:01:34,467
He does not.
26
00:01:34,467 --> 00:01:36,467
You guys leave
the room
27
00:01:36,467 --> 00:01:39,534
While dad and me
talk to D.J.
28
00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:40,868
Don't screw
this up, mother.
29
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,968
Remember the frog,
the turtle--
30
00:01:42,968 --> 00:01:45,400
Well, this one's
too big to flush.
31
00:01:48,033 --> 00:01:51,000
Did he follow you
home from school or something?
32
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,300
No. I traded Kenny
my comic books for him.
33
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:57,400
Does Kenny's mom know
he traded his dog?
34
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,901
She gave me
the dog food.
35
00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:03,167
Well,
I'm sorry, D.J.,
36
00:02:03,167 --> 00:02:06,567
But you're going to have
to take him back, honey.
37
00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:07,667
Why?
38
00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:10,133
Because it's a big
responsibility, D.J.
39
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:12,434
Your sisters aren't
going to help you.
40
00:02:12,434 --> 00:02:14,567
Me and daddy
are busy,
41
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:18,634
And last time your
dad made that rule. No more pets.
42
00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:26,067
Mmm. Aroo!
43
00:02:26,067 --> 00:02:28,567
Dan, would you
like to explain
44
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:30,567
your
no more pets rule
45
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,734
Or keep kissing
the dog?
46
00:02:32,734 --> 00:02:36,601
Your mom's right.
Kenny's mom has to pick up the dog.
47
00:02:36,601 --> 00:02:38,167
Take him outside.
48
00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:39,100
It's not fair.
49
00:02:42,601 --> 00:02:44,100
He is cute.
50
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:47,100
Yeah, well,
you just fall in love
51
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,367
With anything
that licks your nose.
52
00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:52,601
No. It was the way
you kicked your leg
53
00:02:52,601 --> 00:02:54,667
When I scratched
your tummy.
54
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:57,200
Hello, Lorraine,
it's Roseanne Conner.
55
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,667
Yeah. Yeah,
your dog's here.
56
00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,601
No, I don't
blame you at all.
57
00:03:02,601 --> 00:03:04,634
You had
to take a shot,
58
00:03:04,634 --> 00:03:08,200
So when can you come
and pick him up?
59
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,067
Ok. I'll
see you then.
60
00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:11,067
Thanks. Bye.
61
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:13,634
I Feel sorry
for that dog.
62
00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:15,234
Nobody wants him.
It's pitiful.
63
00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:18,701
That reminds me.
I need to call Jackie.
64
00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:21,234
I'm kind of worried
about her
65
00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:23,534
'Cause she called here
last night
66
00:03:23,534 --> 00:03:25,133
all freaked out
from the lobo lounge.
67
00:03:25,133 --> 00:03:28,400
She ran into Gary
and his brand-new fiancee.
68
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,767
Gary's
getting married?
69
00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:33,767
Yeah.
She was drunk, so I called her a cab
70
00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:35,167
To get her home.
71
00:03:36,634 --> 00:03:39,868
Come on, sis.
Answer the damn phone.
72
00:03:39,868 --> 00:03:42,267
[Ring]
73
00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:48,901
[Ring]
74
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,100
[Ring]
75
00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,100
[Ring]
76
00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:02,234
Hello?
77
00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:05,033
Hello?
78
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,033
What in the...
79
00:04:21,033 --> 00:04:22,767
Oh, my...
80
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,033
What did I do?
81
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,267
Listen, I dropped
my car keys down your toilet.
82
00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:37,133
You'll have to
drive me home.
83
00:04:38,200 --> 00:05:31,267
Aah!
84
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,434
Come on, Jackie, answer
the damn phone.
85
00:05:37,434 --> 00:05:39,000
Still no luck, huh?
86
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,434
No. She doesn't even
have her answering machine on.
87
00:05:42,434 --> 00:05:45,367
You know, this is
so like her.
88
00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:48,100
She gets upset and
goes into hiding.
89
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:50,100
I'm the same way, Roseanne.
90
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:53,400
When I'm feeling down,
I don't want to see anyone I don't want a talk to anyone.
91
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,234
Well, see now that's
where we differ.
92
00:05:55,234 --> 00:05:56,801
When I'm in
a bad mood,
93
00:05:56,801 --> 00:05:59,667
I can't wait
to spread it around.
94
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:00,701
Hey, Leon.
95
00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:01,634
Hi, Dan.
96
00:06:01,634 --> 00:06:03,734
Hello, wife.
Hello, friend of wife.
97
00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:04,734
Hey, Danny.
98
00:06:04,734 --> 00:06:06,868
What are you
doing here?
99
00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:09,334
I thought we'd go
catch a movie.
100
00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:10,901
Yeah? Cool. Ok.
101
00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:13,334
Well, I'll go
get my coat.
102
00:06:13,334 --> 00:06:15,901
What happened
to your poker game?
103
00:06:15,901 --> 00:06:18,701
Davey canceled, and
we're a guy short.
104
00:06:18,701 --> 00:06:21,200
Besides,
I'd rather be with my baby.
105
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,334
If you need
another player, I love poker.
106
00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:26,234
Baby, the game's
back on.
107
00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:30,834
What happened to
being with my baby?
108
00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:33,901
We can go to
the movies any time.
109
00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:35,834
Yeah, but we don't.
110
00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:37,167
We could.
111
00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:41,767
Don't expect me
to sit there
112
00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:43,334
watching
you play poker.
113
00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:46,334
Bonnie, want to go to
the movies or something?
114
00:06:46,334 --> 00:06:47,634
Sure.
115
00:06:47,634 --> 00:06:52,067
Ok. I'll get Jackie
and see who else wants to go.
116
00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:53,400
Great.
117
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,834
So, don't expect me
to make any stupid sandwiches
118
00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:58,367
For your poker game.
119
00:06:58,367 --> 00:06:59,868
Oh, Leon,
house rules--
120
00:06:59,868 --> 00:07:02,300
The new guy brings
the sandwiches.
121
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,734
No problem. We're
in a restaurant.
122
00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:06,367
Roseanne--
123
00:07:06,367 --> 00:07:07,367
No.
124
00:07:07,367 --> 00:07:08,868
Bonnie--
125
00:07:08,868 --> 00:07:10,434
No way.
126
00:07:10,434 --> 00:07:13,934
Let's just
pick up a pizza on the way over.
127
00:07:18,434 --> 00:07:21,400
I don't want Leon
in my house, Dan.
128
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,434
Why not?
129
00:07:22,434 --> 00:07:23,934
Because
he's my boss.
130
00:07:23,934 --> 00:07:26,501
Bosses
aren't supposed to be in your house.
131
00:07:26,501 --> 00:07:29,567
It's wrong.
Don't you see?
132
00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:33,133
He's only going to be here
a couple of hours, lose a lot of money then leave.
133
00:07:33,133 --> 00:07:36,167
Don't let him look
in the refrigerator.
134
00:07:36,167 --> 00:07:38,968
He'll see everything
I swiped from the restaurant.
135
00:07:38,968 --> 00:07:41,467
Mom, the dog
ate my slippers,
136
00:07:41,467 --> 00:07:43,534
Destroyed my
brand-new sweater,
137
00:07:43,534 --> 00:07:47,934
And now look
what he's using as his chew toy.
138
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:51,767
I hope he bought you
dinner first.
139
00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:54,467
Just get rid
of him, please.
140
00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:56,901
I'll
take care of it.
141
00:07:58,067 --> 00:08:00,133
Did you call Lorraine?
142
00:08:00,133 --> 00:08:01,133
I'm calling.
143
00:08:01,133 --> 00:08:04,067
It's my
fourth time today.
144
00:08:06,968 --> 00:08:08,434
Hi, Lorraine.
It's Roseanne.
145
00:08:08,434 --> 00:08:12,434
When are you going
to come and get this dog?
146
00:08:12,434 --> 00:08:14,901
Oh, a kitchen fire.
147
00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:19,801
Ok. Well, call me
up later, then.
148
00:08:19,801 --> 00:08:23,067
A kitchen fire?
149
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,901
Yeah. You wouldn't
believe the day Lorraine's had.
150
00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:27,901
First her car
breaks down
151
00:08:27,901 --> 00:08:29,901
And now a kitchen fire.
152
00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:32,968
Man, the way
her luck is going,
153
00:08:32,968 --> 00:08:36,901
I wouldn't be
surprised if some irate mother of three
154
00:08:36,901 --> 00:08:39,934
jams a skanky dog
down her throat.
155
00:08:44,467 --> 00:08:45,467
Hi.
156
00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:46,467
Hey.
157
00:08:46,467 --> 00:08:48,033
Is Roseanne ready?
158
00:08:48,033 --> 00:08:49,534
Oh, she's
getting changed.
159
00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:52,467
She told me
about Gary. I'm really sorry.
160
00:08:52,467 --> 00:08:53,968
Aw, jeez, Dan, no.
161
00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:56,968
I broke up
with him months ago.
162
00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:59,634
I mean,
I dumped the guy,
163
00:08:59,634 --> 00:09:02,534
So, if he's seeing
somebody else, that's his business.
164
00:09:02,534 --> 00:09:05,901
I wish him
all the luck in the world.
165
00:09:09,968 --> 00:09:12,367
Do you have
any vodka?
166
00:09:21,067 --> 00:09:23,501
The place is ours.
Let's eat.
167
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,000
This is great!
168
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,000
Apple pie.
169
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,801
Roseanne, I could
lose my job
170
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:32,300
If anybody found out
I let you in here.
171
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,100
Gordon, if you
get fired,
172
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:37,000
It'll be because
of those parties you have
173
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,501
In the mattress
department.
174
00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:39,501
Ooh, Gordon!
175
00:09:41,501 --> 00:09:44,534
Since the guys
have their game, every week,
176
00:09:44,534 --> 00:09:47,534
How about we
do this every week?
177
00:09:47,534 --> 00:09:49,033
Yeah. Girls
night out.
178
00:09:49,033 --> 00:09:50,534
We could go bowling.
179
00:09:50,534 --> 00:09:52,033
We could play bingo.
180
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:53,033
Awesome. Great.
181
00:09:53,033 --> 00:09:54,701
Yeah.
182
00:09:54,701 --> 00:09:56,667
Oh, yeah,
that's just great.
183
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,100
No, it ain't.
184
00:09:58,100 --> 00:09:59,267
Uh-oh.
185
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:00,534
Jackie.
186
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:03,934
Jackie, you're
sucking the fun out of this party.
187
00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:05,267
I'm having fun.
188
00:10:05,267 --> 00:10:06,534
No. You're
sitting there
189
00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:09,100
Like a great big
lump of death.
190
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,601
I'm having
a good time.
191
00:10:11,601 --> 00:10:13,634
So, you're upset
about Gary.
192
00:10:13,634 --> 00:10:15,634
No, I'm fine
about Gary.
193
00:10:15,634 --> 00:10:17,100
What is it, then?
194
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,400
I can't--
195
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,801
It's personal.
I'll tell you later.
196
00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:23,300
Jackie, these are
my closest friends.
197
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,868
Whatever you tell me
in confidence
198
00:10:25,868 --> 00:10:27,501
I'll eventually
tell them anyway.
199
00:10:28,567 --> 00:10:29,667
Thanks, Roseanne.
200
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:32,000
Well, that's
just how I feel.
201
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:36,567
I say if we can't
share our feelings with one another,
202
00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:39,067
We might as well
be men.
203
00:10:39,067 --> 00:10:40,067
Hear, hear!
204
00:10:44,133 --> 00:10:47,067
No, I can't.
205
00:10:47,067 --> 00:10:48,133
Oh, Jackie.
206
00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:50,501
You don't have
to tell us.
207
00:10:50,501 --> 00:10:53,100
If you want to,
we're here for you.
208
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,000
Oh, god.
209
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:59,100
Ok.
210
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,200
All right.
211
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,100
I do need
to talk about it.
212
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,133
I guess.
213
00:11:11,534 --> 00:11:13,667
Have you ever
done something
214
00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:18,200
That you're
really ashamed of?
215
00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:23,100
No. Never mind.
216
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,968
Oh, well, I have.
217
00:11:25,968 --> 00:11:28,133
Uh, well...
218
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:29,634
Well, ok.
219
00:11:29,634 --> 00:11:32,634
Wh-when I was a senior
in high school,
220
00:11:32,634 --> 00:11:36,501
I voted for myself
for homecoming queen.
221
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:43,968
I thought you
were going to tell that story
222
00:11:43,968 --> 00:11:46,634
About when you
wanted to look really popular,
223
00:11:46,634 --> 00:11:49,133
so you gave
yourself a hickey
224
00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:50,667
with the vacuum
cleaner.
225
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,834
Oh, Roseanne.
226
00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:59,701
I--I would have never
told that story, Roseanne.
227
00:11:59,701 --> 00:12:01,667
Oh, whatever.
228
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,601
Ok.
229
00:12:03,601 --> 00:12:04,601
All right.
230
00:12:04,601 --> 00:12:06,100
How about this?
231
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,100
The first time
I did it with Chuck,
232
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:13,300
I told him I wasn't
a virgin, but I really was.
233
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,400
Why would you
lie about something like that?
234
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,767
I didn't want him
strutting around
235
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:20,501
Like he was
christopher columbus.
236
00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:22,033
Oh, like they do.
237
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,501
That's what they do.
238
00:12:23,501 --> 00:12:24,834
Yes, they do.
239
00:12:26,167 --> 00:12:27,868
Ok.
240
00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:32,200
Uh, this one time,
241
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,200
I, uh, wrote
this bad check
242
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,701
To the, uh, Jerry
Lewis telethon,
243
00:12:37,701 --> 00:12:41,701
Um, just so I
could hear him say my name
244
00:12:41,701 --> 00:12:43,334
On television.
245
00:12:43,334 --> 00:12:45,467
Oh, Roseanne,
you didn't do that.
246
00:12:45,467 --> 00:12:46,701
Oh, no.
247
00:12:46,701 --> 00:12:48,701
Oh, Jackie,
ok, well,
248
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,701
I think
I got something
249
00:12:50,701 --> 00:12:53,767
a little more
on the lines
250
00:12:53,767 --> 00:12:56,067
of, um, what
you'd call shame.
251
00:12:57,601 --> 00:13:00,534
Back when duke and I
were drinking,
252
00:13:00,534 --> 00:13:03,701
We kind of like
were short on cash,
253
00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:07,534
So, uh, we robbed
a liquor store.
254
00:13:07,534 --> 00:13:09,334
Whoa.
255
00:13:10,834 --> 00:13:14,868
Well, I--I guess you
really were desperate.
256
00:13:14,868 --> 00:13:16,534
Oh, for god's sake,
257
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:20,234
people rob liquor stores
all the time.
258
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:22,400
I slept with Arnie.
259
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,734
Aah! Aah!
260
00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:25,734
What?
261
00:13:25,734 --> 00:13:31,067
Oh, Jackie.
262
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:34,400
You slept
with Arnie?
263
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,634
Yeah. It's out
in the open.
264
00:13:41,534 --> 00:13:43,467
So, where's all
the supportive stuff?
265
00:13:45,601 --> 00:13:48,234
What the hell
were you thinking?
266
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:52,000
I was thinking
that I just lost
267
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,167
A great guy
like Gary,
268
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:58,067
And now he's gone,
and I'll never find another great guy.
269
00:13:58,067 --> 00:13:59,567
I'm 36 years old,
270
00:13:59,567 --> 00:14:02,000
I've got flabby arm
and pelican neck,
271
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000
All my house planets are dead
and no one loves me,
272
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,501
But what difference
does that make?
273
00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:08,501
Everything
in my life sucks.
274
00:14:10,968 --> 00:14:13,400
Oh, well, that's
still no excuse.
275
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,767
Uh--I...
276
00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:17,033
Oh-oh, I--I...
277
00:14:17,033 --> 00:14:19,834
I was drunk, I...
278
00:14:24,033 --> 00:14:26,701
I made a mistake.
279
00:14:26,701 --> 00:14:28,601
A mistake?
280
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:29,601
A mistake.
281
00:14:29,601 --> 00:14:31,367
Jackie!
282
00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:33,367
Do I have
to remind you
283
00:14:33,367 --> 00:14:35,567
That when we were
in high school
284
00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:37,701
We all took
a blood oath
285
00:14:37,701 --> 00:14:40,634
That this man
would never be given the chance to breed?
286
00:14:40,634 --> 00:14:43,033
Come on.
Come on, guys.
287
00:14:43,033 --> 00:14:45,934
I thought you were
going to be there for me.
288
00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:49,400
Well...
Give us a minute.
289
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,067
Oh, my god.
290
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,000
Do you realize
291
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,133
When everybody
in this town sees me,
292
00:14:58,133 --> 00:14:59,567
They're going to say,
293
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:01,000
"There goes the sister
294
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,834
of the woman
who slept with Arnie."
295
00:15:04,834 --> 00:15:06,400
People forget,
Roseanne.
296
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,901
Don't
beat yourself up over this.
297
00:15:08,901 --> 00:15:11,567
You couldn't have
seen this coming...
298
00:15:17,234 --> 00:15:19,567
And last card
down and dirty.
299
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:21,067
Speaking of down and dirty,
300
00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:23,434
You guys want
to hear what happened last night?
301
00:15:23,434 --> 00:15:24,501
No. No.
No.
302
00:15:24,501 --> 00:15:25,767
Anybody want
another beer?
303
00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:26,767
Me.
304
00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:27,767
Your
bet.
305
00:15:27,767 --> 00:15:29,834
Quarter.
306
00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:31,400
It's really incredible.
307
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,334
I can't believe
what happened.
308
00:15:33,334 --> 00:15:34,334
Last night.
309
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,334
To me.
310
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:36,834
Quarter to you,
Arnie.
311
00:15:36,834 --> 00:15:39,100
Well, well, well.
312
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,601
A gallon of mayo,
313
00:15:41,601 --> 00:15:43,601
a gallon
of pickle chips,
314
00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:45,634
and, yes,
it looks like
315
00:15:45,634 --> 00:15:48,501
a tub of rodbell's
famous cole slaw.
316
00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:52,267
Just like
my refrigerator at home.
317
00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:56,133
Ok, I'll tell you, guys.
I'll tell you.
318
00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:58,133
Last night,
this really gorgeous chick
319
00:15:58,133 --> 00:15:59,634
Came on to me.
320
00:15:59,634 --> 00:16:01,634
What was she
this time, Arnie?
321
00:16:01,634 --> 00:16:03,300
A model,
a movie star?
322
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:05,133
No. This time
she was real.
323
00:16:05,133 --> 00:16:06,567
You mean that thing
324
00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:09,634
with you and Kathleen Turner
on the monkey bars
325
00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:11,000
never really happened?
326
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,000
I'm not kidding.
327
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,067
Of course not.
328
00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:15,000
Listen, Dan,
I'm new here.
329
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,100
Should I treat him
like an idiot, too?
330
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:19,334
We don't
stand on ceremony,
331
00:16:19,334 --> 00:16:21,167
But it is
considered polite.
332
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:22,734
Doesn't anyone
want to hear?
333
00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:24,634
Cut it out,
Arnie.
334
00:16:24,634 --> 00:16:27,133
Yeah, like you'd cheat
on Nancy.
335
00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:28,133
I did.
336
00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:29,501
You're not kidding.
337
00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:30,501
No.
338
00:16:30,501 --> 00:16:32,601
What is
the matter with you?
339
00:16:32,601 --> 00:16:34,467
You just
got Nancy back.
340
00:16:34,467 --> 00:16:36,467
Well,
this woman wanted me
341
00:16:36,467 --> 00:16:39,267
And you guys know
that never happens.
342
00:16:39,267 --> 00:16:42,334
Arnie, you're engaged.
You just don't do it.
343
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,200
Nancy's been
real good to you.
344
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,000
Don't act
like I'm a criminal.
345
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,267
You guys would have done
the same thing.
346
00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:50,667
No way. No.
347
00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:52,300
You're saying that
348
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,234
Because you're married
and you're whipped.
349
00:16:54,234 --> 00:16:56,234
He's got you there,
Chuckie.
350
00:16:56,234 --> 00:16:57,667
Leon,
you're not married.
351
00:16:57,667 --> 00:16:59,267
Help me out here.
352
00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:01,701
Let's say
Melanie Griffith wants you bad.
353
00:17:01,701 --> 00:17:03,767
Are you going
to tell her no?
354
00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:05,200
Actually,
I'd say no.
355
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,200
The hell you would!
356
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,767
You lying dog!
357
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:11,200
Guys, I'm serious.
358
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:15,267
Sure, you are,
Leon.
359
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:16,701
Didn't Roseanne
tell you?
360
00:17:16,701 --> 00:17:18,267
Tell me what?
361
00:17:18,267 --> 00:17:19,467
That I'm gay.
362
00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:28,200
Ha ha ha ha ha.
363
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,968
Yeah, right.
364
00:17:31,701 --> 00:17:34,467
Jeez, I-I
thought you knew.
365
00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,067
No.
366
00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:40,968
No, I mean,
you know, it's ok.
367
00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:43,968
It happens.
368
00:17:43,968 --> 00:17:46,601
Yeah. It did.
369
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,934
[Whistling]
370
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,934
Well--well,
you know, um...
371
00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:57,834
I--I know
a gay guy.
372
00:17:57,834 --> 00:17:59,234
Uh,
his name's Bill.
373
00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:01,234
He--he lives
in Chicago...
374
00:18:01,234 --> 00:18:03,434
M-maybe
you know him.
375
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:07,767
Yeah. Yeah,
sure, I know him.
376
00:18:07,767 --> 00:18:09,434
From Chicago--
gay Bill.
377
00:18:12,434 --> 00:18:14,601
Smooth, Chuckie.
378
00:18:14,601 --> 00:18:15,601
What?
379
00:18:15,601 --> 00:18:18,334
Nobody else
is saying anything.
380
00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:19,834
I've got an idea.
381
00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:20,968
Let's play cards.
382
00:18:20,968 --> 00:18:21,968
Thank you.
383
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:22,968
Who's next?
384
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:23,968
Ok, Leon.
385
00:18:23,968 --> 00:18:25,534
Forget about
Melanie Griffith.
386
00:18:25,534 --> 00:18:28,100
Let's say
Andy griffith hits on you.
387
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:31,300
Are you telling me
you'd say no?
388
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,300
Hey listen, Dan, you know
you guys are right.
389
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,801
Nancy and I got
something special going,
390
00:18:41,801 --> 00:18:44,367
And for me to do
what I did--
391
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:46,300
I've never sunk so low.
392
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,467
Ok.
For the sake of argument.
393
00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:49,968
I'm making some changes.
394
00:18:49,968 --> 00:18:52,234
You're going
to see a new Arnie.
395
00:18:52,234 --> 00:18:54,100
You're going
to tell Nancy?
396
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,334
Hell, no.
397
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:58,234
The new Arnie
wouldn't rat out the old Arnie.
398
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:00,801
Well, hi, Arnie.
399
00:19:00,801 --> 00:19:02,367
I gotta go.
400
00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:04,300
I'll walk you
to the door.
401
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,167
I insist.
402
00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:07,801
You took advantage
of my sister,
403
00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:09,834
And for that,
you must die.
404
00:19:09,834 --> 00:19:10,834
Rosie...
405
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,767
No one took advantage
of anybody.
406
00:19:14,767 --> 00:19:16,834
She was drunk
and depressed.
407
00:19:16,834 --> 00:19:18,834
Women are like that
around me.
408
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,667
Did you
tell anybody?
409
00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:22,934
Did you tell Dan?
410
00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:24,234
No, I swear.
411
00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:27,267
If you breathe a word
to anybody in this town,
412
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,300
I'm going to tell Nancy.
413
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:31,467
Don't do that, please.
414
00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:34,133
You stay away
from my sister.
415
00:19:35,334 --> 00:19:37,601
Did you clear that
with her?
416
00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:42,200
Get out!
417
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:48,968
Hey, honey.
418
00:19:48,968 --> 00:19:50,868
How come you
didn't tell me Leon was gay?
419
00:19:50,868 --> 00:19:52,934
What difference
does it make?
420
00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:54,367
You're all pigs.
421
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:55,367
Ah.
422
00:20:06,367 --> 00:20:07,868
[Knock on door]
423
00:20:08,968 --> 00:20:10,067
[Knock knock]
424
00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:12,868
It's open.
425
00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:14,367
Hey!
Are you alone?
426
00:20:14,367 --> 00:20:15,367
Yeah, why?
427
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:18,901
Who do you think
is going to be here?
428
00:20:18,901 --> 00:20:20,400
God knows.
429
00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:22,767
Sorry.
430
00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:24,334
How are
you doing?
431
00:20:24,334 --> 00:20:25,334
Ok.
432
00:20:25,334 --> 00:20:26,334
Yeah?
433
00:20:26,334 --> 00:20:27,334
Uh...
434
00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:29,901
Are you mad at me?
435
00:20:29,901 --> 00:20:31,734
Why?
436
00:20:31,734 --> 00:20:32,734
Well...
437
00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:34,234
I figure, you know...
438
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,234
What you did with Arnie,
439
00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:39,467
That was kind of like
a cry for help.
440
00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:41,868
More like a scream.
441
00:20:41,868 --> 00:20:43,734
Yeah, and I
wasn't listening,
442
00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,067
And I want to apologize
443
00:20:45,067 --> 00:20:47,567
For being
a jerk last night.
444
00:20:47,567 --> 00:20:49,000
I'm the jerk,
Roseanne.
445
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,567
I screwed up
my own life,
446
00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:54,534
And I can't blame
you or mom,
447
00:20:54,534 --> 00:20:57,033
Or Arnie or Gary,
or anybody.
448
00:20:57,033 --> 00:20:58,100
Well, mom?
449
00:20:58,100 --> 00:20:59,367
I've got
to figure out
450
00:20:59,367 --> 00:21:02,367
what's wrong with my
life and fix it.
451
00:21:02,367 --> 00:21:03,501
First off,
452
00:21:03,501 --> 00:21:05,000
I'm going
to stop thinking
453
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,934
my life won't
be complete
454
00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:09,367
unless
I find a man.
455
00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:11,400
Good for you.
456
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,234
I figured out
what I'm going to do about a job.
457
00:21:14,234 --> 00:21:15,968
Something
I can be proud of,
458
00:21:15,968 --> 00:21:18,033
like when
I was a cop.
459
00:21:18,033 --> 00:21:18,934
What?
460
00:21:18,934 --> 00:21:23,501
Well, it sounds
a bit crazy but...
461
00:21:23,501 --> 00:21:26,033
There's a school,
over in Elgin?
462
00:21:26,033 --> 00:21:28,033
You're going
back to school?
463
00:21:28,033 --> 00:21:29,767
I think that's great.
464
00:21:29,767 --> 00:21:31,200
It's a trucking
school, Roseanne.
465
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:35,267
I want to learn
how to drive the big rigs.
466
00:21:39,467 --> 00:21:40,968
The big rigs?
467
00:21:40,968 --> 00:21:44,267
I--I never
thought of that.
468
00:21:44,267 --> 00:21:46,133
Yeah.
You're your own boss,
469
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,501
You make
great money, you travel...
470
00:21:48,501 --> 00:21:49,634
Well, go for it.
471
00:21:49,634 --> 00:21:52,634
I wanted to give it
more thought...
472
00:21:52,634 --> 00:21:55,133
Not just dive
right into it--
473
00:21:55,133 --> 00:21:56,133
You want
to do it--do it.
474
00:21:56,133 --> 00:21:57,133
Really?
475
00:21:57,133 --> 00:21:58,167
Yeah, really.
476
00:21:58,167 --> 00:22:01,567
Elgin is only
like an hour from here.
477
00:22:01,567 --> 00:22:02,501
Let's go.
478
00:22:02,501 --> 00:22:03,501
Now?
479
00:22:03,501 --> 00:22:04,601
Yeah, now.
480
00:22:04,601 --> 00:22:07,067
We'll go
and get you signed up.
481
00:22:07,067 --> 00:22:08,000
I'll drive.
482
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,000
You think?
483
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,067
Yeah, I think.
484
00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:11,000
Let's go.
485
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,000
Oh, Roseanne.
486
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,000
Thanks.
487
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,000
Oh, god.
488
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,000
Right.
489
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,467
A trucker? God!
490
00:22:26,701 --> 00:22:28,934
Hello, Lorraine,
it's Roseanne.
491
00:22:28,934 --> 00:22:32,100
Don't give me
that no habla ingles crap.
492
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:33,634
I know it's you.
493
00:22:33,634 --> 00:22:36,534
Why didn't you
come and get this dog?
494
00:22:36,534 --> 00:22:37,534
Oh, right.
495
00:22:37,534 --> 00:22:39,534
Like Kenny
has the mumps.
496
00:22:39,534 --> 00:22:41,133
I really believe that.
497
00:22:41,133 --> 00:22:44,033
And stop making like
it's a bad connection.
498
00:22:44,033 --> 00:22:45,601
I know it's you.
499
00:22:45,601 --> 00:22:48,534
I'm bringing this dog
over to your house
500
00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:49,968
And drop him off,
501
00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:53,033
And you'd better not
do what you did before.
502
00:22:53,033 --> 00:22:55,033
I Knew you were home.
503
00:22:55,033 --> 00:22:57,534
As soon as
I reached the door,
504
00:22:57,534 --> 00:22:59,033
The lights went off.
505
00:22:59,033 --> 00:23:00,968
They are not
security lights.
506
00:23:00,968 --> 00:23:03,033
Security lights
don't go out
507
00:23:03,033 --> 00:23:05,567
When someone
comes up to the door.
508
00:23:05,567 --> 00:23:06,567
Lorraine!
509
00:23:06,567 --> 00:23:08,167
Lorraine!
510
00:23:08,167 --> 00:23:09,567
Lorraine!
511
00:23:10,567 --> 00:23:20,567
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