Original subtitles

[theme music]

[laughter]

[music playing]

So you really think this is cool, huh?

Yeah, who said?

Well, I guess the whole school knows.

What does the whole school know?

Class picture.

Fourth row, second from the left.

Oh, my god!

Becky, you're giving the finger!

Let me see!

DJ, go watch TV.

I can't believe it!

The nerd flips the bird!

I'll call you back, OK?

Yeah.

Come on, you were just scratching your shoulder,

right?

I did it.

Why is that such a big surprise?

Because you're such a butt kisser, and you never

get in any decent trouble.

Totally impressed.

Wrong, Jackie.

Yep, it was Paul Revere and the Raiders.

But Mark Lindsay was the singer.

Like there really was a Paul Revere.

Read the back of the album!

Paul Revere was a blind guy who played keyboards.

He was the leader.

Well, then how come he didn't sing?

Because Mark Lindsay sang better.

Well, then how come it wasn't Mark Lindsay and the Raiders?

Because Paul's mother let them practice in their garage.

Oh.

Becky got picture today, and she won't let me see it.

It's just my class picture.

I didn't want him to get it all gross.

Well, I paid for it.

Let me see it.

Sure.

See?

I want to see.

- Me first. - Why?

- 'Cause. - No fair.

Is too. Let me see it, Becky.

Where are you?

Oh, you mean, you can't see me?

Look, everybody!

Daddy's home!

Oh, hi, Daddy!

Hi, princess, bud, kitten, Margaret.

What is it, our anniversary, with the big, greasy car

parked there?

Oh, does this finally mean you're gonna fix her car

and I don't have to drive her around anymore?

Come on.

We've been having a lot of fun together.

Yeah.

It's a lot of fun listening to you give directions.

Speed up, slow down, turn left, turn right, date him,

don't date him.

Well, don't worry.

I finally got the part I've been looking for.

All I got to do is wash it off and figure out what it is.

Oh, look.

This guy's giving the old one-digit salute.

Yeah, where?

Right here.

It's very, very subtle, under the chin.

There's another one around the back.

Oh, look it, a double.

The guy with the arms crossed. - Brilliant.

- Yeah. - Bravo, bravo.

Yeah, here's the guy adjusting his glasses.

ROSEANNE: No, he's just rubbing his eye.

JACKIE: No, look at the elbow.

Oh, a mislead.

Yeah.

Let me try to find one now.

Just remember you thought it was funny

when the other kids did it.

Yeah, but the other kids aren't my kid.

Right, Dan? - Not to my knowledge, dear.

Well, I'll leave you guys alone

since I know how disappointed you must be in Becky.

By the way, I think I'm getting a D in math.

Go on up to your room.

What's Becky doing?

DJ--

DJ, go watch TV.

I can't believe it's Becky.

Yeah.

This is almost as good as his version of we're

number one in the football picture.

That was a classic.

Your parents were so very overjoyed.

Oh, they were so uncool.

I don't know, Dan.

I think, well, we ought to do something.

Well, I'm certainly not gonna punish her for this.

No, I know that.

But, I mean, we've got to be parents.

We don't have to be our parents.

We can't bust her for the same things that we did.

Yeah, but, I mean, on one hand, I--

I don't want her to think we approve.

Then on the other hand, I feel so close to her right now.

Say, guys, um, your son just gave Gilligan the finger.

ROSEANNE: Dan.

Well, he's the reason they're still stuck on that island.

Dan--

All right, all right.

DJ?

Get in here, little buddy.

- Becky! - Yeah?

DAN: Have a seat.

OK.

Let's see.

Uh, how can I explain this?

Ah.

OK.

This is the church.

This is the steeple.

Open the doors, and you see the big guy

sitting there in third row?

Just don't ever stick him up in the air at anybody.

But Mom did it when she was driving.

Well, the idiot cuts me off.

Scoot.

I better go see if this fits.

You know, they've been taking these pictures forever.

You'd think the photographer would get wise to it.

Well, every generation thinks they're the first.

You know that picture of Washington

crossing the Delaware?

The guy in the back, he looks like he's rowing?

See, now, you think the painter would have caught that.

So how much trouble am I in.

Sit down.

So?

So this doesn't seem like you, Becky.

Did you know these guys?

I mean, was it some kind of a dare thing or something?

No, I just did it.

I don't know why.

Well, just don't do it again or you're gonna get grounded.

OK.

Is that it?

You're gonna do the dishes tonight, too, and that's final.

But Mom, it's my turn to do the dishes.

Yeah, well nobody has to know that.

[music playing]

Yeah, that's correct, Amy.

Fourth row, second from the left.

Yeah, her name's Becky Conner, my sister.

I do too have a sister.

She's just been in a reform school.

Darlene, you want to hand me that dish?

Oh, got to go, Amy.

Fingers needs me.

Here you go, sis.

Thanks.

That was Amy Williams.

Her sister's a senior, and even she knows about it.

Seniors are talking about me?

Everyone is.

It's like all of a sudden, you're cool.

Well, I've always been cool.

But sometimes, it's just cooler not to flash

how cool you really are.

ROSEANNE: We should just get a new car.

That car was built the year Becky was born.

It's got a lot of history.

We just bought it a year ago.

It's got somebody else's history.

We can't afford our own history.

[phone ringing]

Well, maybe we ought to just go get a new used car.

You know, like maybe a '81.

Oh, an '81.

Dream on!

Yeah, hold on a minute.

Uh, it's for a Mrs. Conner.

DAN: Sounds serious.

Who is it?

It's Becky's school.

Hello, this is a Mrs. Conner.

Uh-huh.

Jeez!

No, OK.

I'll be there.

What?

You and your finger just got suspended.

Cool!

Cool?

You think it's cool that I have to go and see the principal

and take time off of my job?

You think that's cool, huh?

Uh, Becky?

And don't you be thinking that you're

just gonna lay around here on your butt

and look at TV, either.

There's plenty stuff to do around here.

Dan, you're gonna be home fixing the car, right?

Well, you make sure she does it all.

Check.

But Mom, a minute ago, you said it was no big deal!

Well, that was before you got me in trouble!

Now I got to go to your school.

And I don't want to go to school!

Oh, don't worry, honey.

It'll be all right.

Hey, if you run into that assistant principal who

told me I'd never amount to anything,

tell him Dr. Conner says hi.

[music playing]

Um, I'm Rebecca Conner's mom.

I'm here to see the principal.

He'll be right with you.

Please, take a seat with the other mothers.

Finger?

We're all fingers over here.

Roseanne Harris?

I used to be.

Well, I don't believe it!

Neither do I.

What is it, 15 years?

It's at least that long.

Isn't this weird running into each other?

Especially at the principal's office.

I'll tell you what's really weird.

What?

I don't have the foggiest idea who you are.

Anne-Marie.

Dixon?

It's Mitchell now.

What, did you marry Chuckie Mitchell?

Yeah.

Who would have thought?

You?

Well, remember that real good-looking blonde guy that

took me to the junior dance?

Yeah.

OK, he dumped me.

I ended up with Dan Conner.

It's really good to see you.

Yeah.

Boy, this place really brings back memories.

Like the time we got dragged in here for burning our bras,

and you stood up to Principal Lieb

and said it was a political statement?

You know, Anne-Marie, it wasn't even

my bra that I burned.

It was Sally Glimpscher's little tiny bra.

No.

Now, she didn't need it, and I had gym that day,

so I figured I wasn't gonna go--

I wasn't gonna get on the, you know, trampoline.

I could have hurt somebody.

I remember Sally Glimpscher.

Boy, she was always in trouble.

I think they were just giving her conjugal visits

in detention.

So tell, me which one's yours?

Mmm, right there.

Ah.

Mhm.

It's her first obscene gesture.

Her father and I are just so proud.

Here's Chucki, Jr.

Wow, jeez.

He's got his father's finger.

Yeah.

This is taking a while, isn't it?

Boy, I hope I'm not gonna be late for work.

Me, too.

And I hope I can talk this guy out of the three-day

suspension deal.

I hope I can talk at all.

Jeez.

I feel like I'm 15 years old and I'm

gonna have to sit and listen to old man

Lieb tell me what a horrible person I am.

Man.

I used to just sit there and gnaw on my fingernails,

you know? - Yeah.

Of course, now they've grown back,

and I think I can handle it.

Principal Hiller will see you now.

I didn't do nothing!

Ann-Marie did!

Get out of here!

Ladies, thanks for coming down.

Please, have a seat.

Boy, everything sure looks a lot smaller.

No offense.

Now, what do we think about this?

Mrs.--

Mitchell.

Mitchell, yeah.

And your, uh, son has been suspended for three days.

True.

Well, you-- you must have an opinion about that?

And I'd like to hear what it is.

Well, I really think three days

suspension is a little much.

I think she's right.

Mhm.

You know, I have to agree here.

Now, I'm not saying that flipping the bird

is right or anything.

But, I mean, three days is a long time.

I mean, couldn't you just start smaller, OK?

Say like first, a warning.

And then maybe detention, something like that?

OK.

You may be right, but I don't think so.

You see, I think this is the warning.

Next time they're down for something like this,

it'll be two weeks.

Oh, two weeks at home watching TV.

Boy, that'll really 'em mad.

And you are?

Roseanne Harris-- uh, Conner.

Well, it's easy to see where Becky gets her attitude.

What do you mean by that?

She's-- she's, uh, 16.

She gets really good grades.

She's not pregnant.

I'd say that's damn near perfect.

Well, I have evidence to the contrary here, Mrs. Conner.

Well, so what are you saying, that she's a bad kid?

Or you calling me a bad mother?

Well, now, I know how hard it is to juggle

a career and children.

Hey, uh, my children are my career, OK?

You must be talking about my job, which

you're making me late for.

Me too.

I sympathize, ladies.

Really, I do.

But I just can't do this all by myself.

Now, maybe you could spend the next few days with your kids

and teach them a little something about respect--

respect for others, respect for themselves.

Uh, do your kids do this in the family pictures?

No way.

No.

They do it here.

That's right.

Oh, I see.

Following that logic, Mrs. Conner,

as long as they're not stealing anything out of your living

room, it's not your fault if they

hold up a convenience store.

Hey, we're not talking about armed robbery here, OK?

We're talking about some teenagers flipping the bird.

I think we should get over it.

Maybe you're right, but I don't think so.

And neither do all these parents who have called

in to complain about the photo.

They want us to reshoot it at our cost.

And quite frankly, Mrs. Conner, that is not within our budget.

So what would you have me tell them

about what your daughter did?

Uh, that it's a political statement?

Funny.

But I don't think they would laugh.

And I don't think they want to get over it, either,

Mrs. Conner, you see, because they did their job as parents.

And if you're not going to do yours, then it's up to me

to make sure that this never happens again,

which I can do by handing out a longer suspension next time.

Now, let's try this again.

What do we want to do about this?

[music playing]

OK.

Did you drain the oil out the crank case?

BECKY: Yeah.

Take the filter off?

Uh-huh.

DAN: Did you put you off from the filter into that pan there?

Yeah, all this black stuff came squirting out.

OK, slide on out here.

Thank god.

Yeah.

Now you're ready to lube.

You know, Dad, It's not like I don't

like all this or anything.

But I think Mom kind of wanted me to work in the house.

Mom's not here.

Dad, I hate all this!

DAN: I know you do, Becky.

But you're keeping your old dad company.

And damn it, we're having fun!

Now get back on under there.

BECKY: Dad?

Yeah.

BECKY: What am I supposed to do?

Oh, I'm sorry, Becky.

You know those pointy doohickeys I showed you before?

BECKY: Yeah.

Just point your gun at 'em and fire.

BECKY: OK.

Ew, all this yellow slime is oozing out!

Oh, my god! Get out of there, quick!

Sorry about that.

It was a little garage humor.

Real funny, Dad.

Ew!

Look at my hands!

They're all greasy and dirty.

Here you go.

Wipe 'em off on this sandwich.

Say, Dad, were you ever suspended?

- Just once. - Really, for what?

Snoring too loud in detention.

Spent the next three days tuning up my dad's Rambler.

So this is kind of like a time-honored family tradition,

huh? - You bet.

Get on back under there, now.

[music playing]

Hi, Mom.

Hi.

Where's you dad?

DARLENE: In the garage.

What, no hug and kiss for your good daughter?

Soon as I get one.

Hi, Mom.

What are you doing with Becky's picture?

I put that in my special hiding place.

That's where I found it.

Mom, how come Becky's got three hands in this picture?

- Three hands? - Yeah, look.

Let me see.

[gasp] She didn't do it.

I'll kill her!

Well, Beck, this turned out pretty good.

If you ever get expelled, you can

always fall back on lube work.

You know, don't you?

Know what?

Have a look, Dan.

It's not your finger, is it?

Could have been.

Hey, Becky's got three hands.

Catch up, Dan.

What do you mean, could have been?

It was the kid next to me.

How come you didn't say anything?

Well, the picture came out, and everyone

thought I was so close.

And you two didn't seem to care.

So I figured, hey, I'm popular.

Might as well go with it.

And then you got suspended.

And then I had to go down to the principal's office

and get humiliated.

How long were you gonna go with this?

Till now?

You let your mom take the heat so you could be popular?

I'm sorry.

But it's not like I got away with anything.

I got suspended.

Yeah?

Well, you're going to school tomorrow.

I can't go to school tomorrow.

Oh, yes, you can. 'Cause I'm gonna take another hour off

of work and go down there and straighten everything

out with our principal.

Mom, if I go down there, everyone

will know I didn't do it!

Yeah, life sucks, don't it?

I can't believe this!

You guys weren't mad when you thought I did do it,

and now you're mad because you know I didn't?

God, maybe next year, I ought to moon the class photo

so you guys are proud of me.

Just make sure it's your own butt.

[music playing]

Mrs. Conner, you'll have to wait.

Oh, I've been waiting for this all of my life.

I'm back.

What is it, Mrs. Conner.

Fourth row, second from the left.

Hey, did you ever lay awake nights thinking, jeez,

if I only had that one moment to live over again

I would do it differently?

I'm having that moment, and you're in it.

OK.

Obviously, there's been a little mistake.

And I will lift Becky's suspension.

And I think an apology's in order.

OK.

I think you're right.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Conner.

And what about the other mothers that

were in here with me yesterday?

Well, their children really did it.

So, what?

Their kid makes one mistake, and that makes them bad mothers?

Well, I do believe that how a student behaves

reflects the attitudes of the parent.

Now, what if I was to tell you that Becky wishes

she had flipped the bird.

What kind of mother would that make me?

I have already apolo--

I will tell you what kind of mother that makes me, Mr.

Hiller-- the exact same kind of mother that I was

when I was in there yesterday.

Because no matter how much we try to control what

our kids do, at some point, they are just

gonna do what they're gonna do.

They are like people that way.

Mhm.

But isn't it our job, Mrs. Conner, to make sure

that they become responsible, mature adults?

Oh, absolutely.

Absolutely.

But we must remember, Mr. Hiller, that it's not easy.

Like, say when I'm in here next year because

of something that my Darlene--

and I will be here.

Just remember that today, I was a good mother.

I'll do that, Mrs. Conner.

See you next year.

Tuesdays will be good for me.

[music playing]

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