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1
00:00:00,534 --> 00:00:02,270
[music playing]
2
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,740
[theme music]
3
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,352
[cackles]
4
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,354
[music playing]
5
00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:59,427
ROSEANNE: No, Jackie, I don't
even need to cook anymore.
6
00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:01,595
I got a microwave now.
7
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,465
I don't even have to start
cooking till Dan comes home.
8
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:08,336
Yeah, the other day I made a
meatloaf in, like, 12 minutes.
9
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,838
Nah, it still tasted like
crap, but it was so hot,
10
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:11,739
nobody could tell.
11
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,410
Look, you have
got to talk to DJ.
12
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,479
I was just in the
bathroom completely naked
13
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:19,680
and he just barges in on me.
14
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:23,551
Oh, great, you
traumatized him.
15
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,153
He'll be gay for sure, now.
16
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,860
God, I hate you, Darlene.
17
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,094
Mother, are you listening to me?
18
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,563
Your son is sick!
19
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:36,997
Yeah, well, now
that he saw you naked,
20
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,668
he's probably upstairs
puking his guts out.
21
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,936
You shut your face or
I'll shut it for you.
22
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,205
Go for it, Barbie!
23
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,173
Maybe I will, Ken.
24
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:46,607
Oh, yeah, that was funny.
25
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,041
Hold on a minute, Jackie.
26
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,210
I think I heard something.
27
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,578
What?
28
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,880
Mom, this is like the third
time he's walked in on me.
29
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,548
It was an accident.
30
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:55,716
Oh, yeah, right.
31
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,885
I better call you
back later, Jackie.
32
00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,753
The sedative I gave
the kids for breakfast
33
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:00,921
is starting to wear off.
34
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,731
All right, look me in the eye
and tell me it was an accident.
35
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,834
And remember, I can
tell when you're lying.
36
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:17,137
It was an accident.
37
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:18,105
Could you tell?
38
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:22,743
I have so much to
teach you, sprout.
39
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,748
Anybody home?
It's me, Arnie.
40
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,083
Yeah, hi, come on in, Arnie.
41
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:31,352
Mother!
42
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:32,753
I'll talk to him later.
43
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:33,721
Yeah, right.
44
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:34,622
No, I will.
45
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:35,823
Just keep your shirt on, there.
46
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:39,026
Very funny.
47
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,628
This a bad time, Rosie?
48
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:44,365
Uh, it's a bad life, Arnie.
49
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,999
I'm just about to nuke
some dinner though.
50
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:47,735
Dan'll be home in a few minutes.
51
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:48,936
I could go for
something to eat.
52
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,070
Yeah?
53
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:50,971
Well, then go.
54
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,408
You're always a kidder.
55
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,477
Ah, not always.
56
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,546
Well, anyway, Nancy's got
dinner for me at home now.
57
00:02:58,646 --> 00:02:59,980
You know we're
shacking up, don't you?
58
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:00,881
Oh, yeah?
59
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:01,849
How romantic.
60
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,584
Well, I got evicted
from my place,
61
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,653
so it kind of worked
out pretty good.
62
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,988
This way we get to spend a whole
lot more time with each other.
63
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,990
It's like we're always together.
64
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,426
Well, I guess there's
nothing like a little quantity
65
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,595
time with the person you love.
66
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,929
Yeah, but you
get tired of seeing
67
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,898
that same face all the time.
68
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,300
Hey, did I tell you
we're getting married?
69
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,438
When's she due?
70
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,307
You're kidding, right?
71
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,275
Yeah, I'm kidding.
72
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,276
Congratulations.
73
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,280
I knew it.
74
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,749
The minute I turn my back,
you went and stole my man.
75
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:36,717
How's it going, buddy?
76
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,185
Great, Dan, how you doing?
77
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,153
Hang on a second, will you?
78
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,955
Hey, Dan, how come
you never told me
79
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,591
that Arnie was getting married?
80
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:47,595
He didn't want it to get out
and mess up his dating action.
81
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,331
Yeah, so many
magazines, so little time.
82
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:55,569
I really appreciate
this, buddy.
83
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:56,837
No problem.
84
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,506
I'll have the money back
at six, seven weeks, tops.
85
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,341
You're really
helping me out here.
86
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:01,275
Check OK?
87
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,175
You got an ID?
88
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,344
[laughter]
89
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:05,646
Thanks, Rosie.
See you guys.
90
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:06,547
Yeah.
91
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:09,883
"Got an ID?"
92
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,990
How much money
did you lend him?
93
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,526
- Couple bucks.
- How much?
94
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,594
- $1,500.
- (SHOUTING) Get out of here!
95
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,963
Roseanne, he's throwing
a lot of work my way.
96
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,932
How could you do that
without talking to me?
97
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,199
Look, I got it covered.
98
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,668
I got steady work
till Christmas.
99
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,337
Jeez, I'd never lend
out that kind of money
100
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:30,638
without talking
to you first, Dan.
101
00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:32,773
Oh, come on, Roseanne.
102
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:36,510
For once in my life, I can write
out a check to help a friend,
103
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,512
no questions asked?
104
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,947
It's for his engagement ring.
105
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,986
Hey, how's this new
microwave working, hon?
106
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:49,690
You know, the one I
bought you without asking?
107
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,659
Oooh!
108
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:54,628
All right, I should've
asked you first.
109
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,397
What do you want me to do,
stick my head in the oven?
110
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,297
OK.
111
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,870
Kids, dinner!
112
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,439
We're having butt roast.
113
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,875
[music playing]
114
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,748
Dad?
115
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:15,883
Dad.
116
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,786
If DJ accidentally walks
in on me one more time,
117
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:19,753
I swear I'm gonna kill him.
118
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:20,721
I'm busy right now, Becky.
119
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,390
I'll talk to DJ later.
120
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:23,991
You say you'll
talk to DJ later.
121
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:25,325
Mom says she'll
talk to him later.
122
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:26,927
Is anybody going to do
anything about this?
123
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:29,397
Why don't you try locking
your bathroom door, Becky?
124
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:34,167
Oh, great, now it's my fault.
Everything wrong in this world
125
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,202
is my fault.
126
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,470
You just figured that out?
127
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:39,873
Drop dead.
128
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,476
Mom, you gotta go talk to DJ.
129
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,412
The little pervert
walked in on me again.
130
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:47,815
[sigh] (YELLING) DJ,
stop peeking at Becky.
131
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:48,782
DJ: (SHOUTING) OK!
132
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,721
There you go.
133
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,055
Mother!
134
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,591
I'll talk to him later after
I put the groceries away.
135
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,726
(SIGHING) All right.
136
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,293
Hey, Darlene.
137
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:01,194
Hey.
138
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,563
DAN: Hey.
139
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,064
Boy, Becky's in a mood.
140
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,365
Becky's always in a mood.
141
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,366
What you doing?
142
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,368
Putting together
a couple of bids.
143
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,404
Well, my, aren't
you ambitious there?
144
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:11,939
I thought you said you
had some job keeping
145
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,073
you busy through Christmas.
146
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:14,408
Not anymore.
147
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,743
Company went belly-up.
148
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:19,246
We're never going to see
that last $6,000 they owe me.
149
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,014
Why does this
always happen to us?
150
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,082
Oh, we're OK.
151
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,217
I already got a couple
of jobs lined up.
152
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:28,188
Just have to pay a couple of
small bills that are due now.
153
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:31,425
Like what kind of small bills?
154
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,661
Car payment,
mortgage, credit cards--
155
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,829
oh, come on, cut it out.
156
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,264
We're OK.
157
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:38,699
Now, what do you mean by OK?
158
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,670
You mean like "Becky can
still go to college" OK?
159
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:48,108
Or, "Oh boy! the government's
giving away free cheese," OK.
160
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,977
We don't need that much.
161
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,078
And I know what you're thinking.
162
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,846
Even if I did ask Arnie
for the money back,
163
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,381
we'd still be short.
164
00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:57,117
By how much?
165
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:58,318
$20.
166
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:02,590
Roseanne, I didn't know
this was going to happen.
167
00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:04,825
Well, you know, I'm
sure Arnie won't mind.
168
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,460
You know, why don't you
call him up and tell him
169
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,061
to just give the money back?
- No way.
170
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,329
It's done.
171
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,798
Well, he probably didn't
even go buy that ring yet.
172
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:12,533
You don't ask for money
back once you lend it out.
173
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,401
- Who don't?
- A guy doesn't do that.
174
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,703
A guy?
175
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:20,541
So what is this, some kind
of testosterone thing here?
176
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,611
(DEEP VOICE) I
got it covered, OK?
177
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:26,947
And will you be letting
the little woman in on how?
178
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,616
I'll just get a swing
loan from the bank.
179
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:29,783
No problem.
180
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,418
Well, why do you
want go to the bank?
181
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,254
Because that's where
the money is, my pet.
182
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,657
Yeah, but maybe you should,
like, ask your folks, you know?
183
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,759
Or my folks.
184
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,161
Yeah.
185
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,063
Yeah, why don't I just
borrow it from your folks?
186
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,064
Yeah, wait a minute.
187
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:44,965
Oh!
188
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:53,306
Well, the bank's just going to
charge you some huge interest.
189
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,709
Roseanne, I know
how to cut a deal.
190
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,478
I'll just go down there
tomorrow and waltz in and act
191
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,247
like I don't need the money.
192
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:03,283
You better act
like you got a gun.
193
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,686
[music playing]
194
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,860
Traffic directional
guidance apparatus.
195
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:17,030
Or as we on the force like
to call them, white gloves.
196
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:21,669
Without these, I'm just some
idiot standing in traffic.
197
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:23,403
You know, with those,
you're just some--
198
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,038
Stop.
199
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:28,308
It's the power of the glove.
200
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:33,180
So, uh, did you get these
moves at the police academy?
201
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,447
No, the Pips.
202
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,822
So how'd it go?
203
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:42,723
Smooth.
204
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:43,624
Ah!
205
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:44,625
What's going on?
206
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,359
How come you're all dressed up?
207
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,561
What, this old thing?
208
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,329
Come on, Dan.
209
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,199
Jackie, do the words
"none of your business"
210
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:53,901
mean anything to you?
211
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,036
Well, go ahead
and tell her, Dan.
212
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,237
She's family.
213
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,406
I had to negotiate a
small loan from the bank.
214
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,108
What do you need a loan for?
215
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,442
I want to be in debt.
Bye.
216
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,677
Come on, Dan.
217
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,579
Came up a little
short this month,
218
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,547
and I need some help
paying some bills.
219
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:08,448
Happy?
220
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,750
Oh, yeah?
221
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,284
Well, I got a lot
of cash saved up.
222
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,686
I could loan you a few bucks.
- No, thanks.
223
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:13,821
Aw, Dan, come on.
224
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,122
It'd be fun.
225
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,857
I lend you money, you pay
me back-- it's like a game.
226
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,993
Roseanne, make it stop.
227
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,494
No, she's my sister.
228
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:24,464
I say we should take her
for every cent she's got.
229
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,599
How much you talking about?
230
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:26,600
$1,500.
231
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,735
Is that all?
232
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:30,804
It's chump change.
233
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,473
Not that all chumps would
have that kind of change.
234
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,542
It's taken care of.
235
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:36,677
Well, I don't know.
236
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,178
How much interest are we
gonna pay on this loan?
237
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,212
What difference does it make?
238
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,949
(YELLING) I want to know!
239
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,317
There's a loan fee of
$150, and the interest
240
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,787
rate is 19 and 1/2%, OK?
241
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,857
Whoa, well, you really forced
them to their knees there, Ace.
242
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,124
I'll tell you what.
243
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:54,394
I won't charge you any
loan fee or interest,
244
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:57,430
and all you gotta
do is just, uh, suck
245
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,266
up to me for a couple of weeks.
246
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,134
[laughter]
247
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,336
Oh, well, hell, in that case--
248
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,538
no.
249
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,641
Well, how come it's
OK to go to the bank
250
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:10,177
and pay all this huge interest,
but it's not OK to get
251
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,779
it from Jackie for nothing?
252
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,814
That's good business, dear.
253
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,849
All right, forget sucking up.
254
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,117
Just your undying gratitude.
255
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,018
What are you, deaf?
256
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,552
I said no.
257
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,088
Hey, don't you go
yelling at my sister.
258
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,455
I'm not yelling
at your sister.
259
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,691
I just don't want
her damn money.
260
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,092
But Dan--
261
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:28,328
DAN: Hey, just keep your nose
out of my business, all right?
262
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,229
Jeez.
263
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,131
What a grump.
264
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,000
Yeah, I don't know
what got into him.
265
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,802
I mean, the opportunity
to kiss your butt
266
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,603
doesn't come along every day.
267
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,271
I was joking.
268
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,206
I was fooling around.
269
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,674
I'll apologize.
270
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,343
No, no, no, no, no.
271
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,914
Listen, you want to
make it up to him?
272
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,381
Just write them a
check for $1,500.
273
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,516
Oh, you're kidding.
274
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:50,984
He's not going to take my check.
- Yes, he will.
275
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:51,952
Trust me.
276
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,321
Just make it out
to Roseanne Conner.
277
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,728
[music playing]
278
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,602
DJ: (SHOUTING) Aaah, Mom!
279
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,071
Darlene hit me!
280
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,073
DARLENE: I didn't touch you!
281
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,541
I didn't push you!
282
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:15,542
DJ: Ow!
283
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:16,676
There's no place like home.
284
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,012
There's no place like home.
285
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,447
There's no place like home.
286
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,849
[kids yelling]
- Mom?
287
00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:22,750
Mom!
288
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,417
Damn.
289
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,552
She hit me!
290
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:27,654
I caught him peeking
at me getting dressed.
291
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,656
Honey, I told you
to cut that out.
292
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:32,760
Told me to stop
peeking at Becky.
293
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:36,797
Well, he's got
me there, Darlene.
294
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:37,998
What's going on?
295
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:41,268
Well, now the little
pervert's peeking at me.
296
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,136
Why?
297
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,738
Look, if was
fine for everybody
298
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,206
when he was peeking at Becky.
299
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,208
But now someone may get hurt.
300
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,877
DJ: (YELLING) No!
301
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:50,778
Hey, come here.
302
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:51,678
Darlene, go away.
303
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,450
Darlene called me a pre-vert.
304
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,822
No, you're not
a pre-vert, honey.
305
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:02,722
You're a pervert.
306
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,330
But you're not even that.
307
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,065
You're just growing
up, and you're curious.
308
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,367
But now, you don't like
people walking in on you when
309
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,003
you're getting undressed,
and your sisters
310
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:17,437
feel the very same way.
311
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:21,041
Does Daddy see you naked?
312
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,076
Yeah, but it's different
for married people.
313
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:26,713
You know, married people
have to see each other naked.
314
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:27,781
Knock, knock.
315
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,582
Anybody home?
Hey, Rosie.
316
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,118
Hi, Arnie, I'll
be right with you.
317
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,686
So you just need to
respect your sisters'
318
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,889
privacy a little bit more, OK?
319
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:36,790
OK.
320
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:37,791
All right.
321
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,993
Or else one of them's
gonna kill you.
322
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,195
Why don't you go up
and get ready for bed?
323
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:45,065
OK.
324
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:45,966
Kid's a peeper, huh?
325
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:49,669
Boy, that takes me back.
326
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,444
What, you've got sisters too?
327
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:58,345
I wish.
328
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,550
Here, this is for you.
329
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,085
It's kind of a thank you thing.
330
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,319
Oh.
331
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:07,921
I'll take it out in the kitchen.
332
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,622
Hope you don't have
one of those already.
333
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:14,928
Uh, no, Arnie, I don't
have a wine and soap basket.
334
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,097
I got it at the car wash.
335
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:26,339
So, uh, did you get Nancy
her little surprise yet?
336
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:27,240
Sure did.
337
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,308
ROSEANNE: She like it?
338
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,309
You bet.
339
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,677
So she's gonna keep it, huh?
340
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:33,513
ARNIE: Well, there's no way
she can take it back, Roseanne.
341
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,282
OK, well, like,
what if there was,
342
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,918
like, a really, really
good reason, you know?
343
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,287
I mean, you know
it's just a ring.
344
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:41,922
Oh, I didn't buy her a ring.
345
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,724
Then what did you do
with the money we lent you?
346
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,927
I got her one of those
breast augmentation deals.
347
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:51,498
Huh?
348
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,400
You know.
349
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,769
(YELLING) You
got her a boob job?
350
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,371
Yeah, two of 'em.
351
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,540
It's what she wanted.
352
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,543
We gave you $1,500 for that?
353
00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,512
Oh, actually, it costs $3
grand and I only had half.
354
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,214
So I borrowed
$1,500 from you guys
355
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,115
so she didn't walk crooked.
356
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,690
Which one is ours?
357
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:18,658
Hey, Arnie.
358
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,094
Dan, buddy.
359
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,731
Oh, Danny?
360
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:26,633
DAN: Yes?
361
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:30,070
There's a couple things
we need to talk about.
362
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,471
Like what?
363
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,107
Oh, like Nancy's
engagement presents.
364
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,381
Please tell me you
got her a camera.
365
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,488
No, but we did help
with the developing.
366
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:52,926
You bought her--
367
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:56,129
It's the gift that
keeps on giving.
368
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,998
Neat, huh?
369
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,000
Thought you were going
to give her a ring.
370
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:00,900
Dan, she's got rings.
371
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,640
Arn-- hang-- hang out here.
372
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,576
Finish your beer.
373
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:10,477
Honey?
374
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,511
Honey?
375
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,281
Honey?
376
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:15,648
I thought it was for a ring.
377
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,050
Well, it ain't.
378
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,851
And you know, I think he
ought to pay us interest
379
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,620
on the money we lent him.
- Well, that wasn't the deal.
380
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:21,921
Well, so what?
381
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,090
We have to pay interest to
the bank on account of him.
382
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,091
Well, what if he can't pay?
383
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,459
What are we going
to do, repossess?
384
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:27,894
Yeah, and then we'll
give them to Darlene
385
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,062
so DJ has something to look at.
386
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,511
Yep, I'm still here.
387
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,546
Did you hear what we said?
388
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,416
No, I missed the part
about charging me interest.
389
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:50,450
I'm sorry, Roseanne.
390
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,584
If I'd known this
was going to happen,
391
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,453
I would've told you
I got her a ring.
392
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,688
Yeah, I know that, Arnie.
393
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,424
But it doesn't matter
anyway, because I already
394
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:58,691
borrowed the money from Jackie.
395
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,693
I just didn't tell
him about it yet.
396
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:01,628
Oh.
397
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,130
I don't think you
want to do that.
398
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,431
Why not?
It's my family.
399
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:05,332
It's my house.
400
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:06,233
I got a right.
401
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,368
Absolutely, you do.
402
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,936
You just sat here
and said I was wrong.
403
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,304
Well, I don't want
to get you mad at me
404
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:14,007
because I owe you money.
405
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:17,044
But wouldn't it be better
if I gave Dan a check?
406
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,646
Your check ain't worth squat.
407
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:20,880
Well, everybody knows that.
408
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,417
But if you give me Jackie's
check, I can cover it.
409
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,486
Well, this is just another
stupid guy thing, isn't it,
410
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:27,587
Arnie?
411
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:28,988
Yeah, but this way,
Dan'll be OK with it.
412
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,124
See, if he gets the money
from the bank or from me,
413
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,859
he's taking care of his family.
414
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:33,993
But if it comes
from Jackie, she's
415
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:37,097
taking care of his family.
Follow me, here.
416
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:40,067
It's like I didn't tell Nancy
I borrowed the money from Dan.
417
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,135
I didn't want her to think
that these are Dan's boobs.
418
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,475
Oh, we're out of beer, honey?
419
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:50,210
I'm gonna go get some.
You want to come, Arn?
420
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,178
ARNIE: Sure.
421
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:52,312
OK, baby, I'll
see you in a minute.
422
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,246
ARNIE: Oh, wait a minute, Dan.
I almost forgot.
423
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,447
I got that money for you.
- Arnie!
424
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,815
DAN: I thought you
said six, seven weeks.
425
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,150
Well, it came in a little
sooner than I thought.
426
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,118
Let me write you a check.
427
00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,552
Wait a minute, Arnie.
428
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,221
Where did he get the money
from, all of a sudden?
429
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,390
Hey, I was at the track and I
saw a horse named Lucky Arnie.
430
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:04,591
- Dan--
- That's right.
431
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:05,492
It was Lucky Dan.
432
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,660
It was a long shot, 300-to-1.
433
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:08,761
Arnie.
434
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,397
Lucky Arnie, Lucky
Dan-- work with me here.
435
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,337
Why are you friends with him?
436
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:23,376
OK, I just took the
money from Jackie myself.
437
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,478
DAN: You took a check
from your sister?
438
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:26,713
Well, I'm outta here.
439
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,418
Hey, enjoy the soap.
440
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,120
Give it back, Roseanne.
441
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,421
I got a right.
442
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,422
It's my family, too.
443
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:36,423
You're not doing this.
444
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:37,490
I said no.
445
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,426
And I said I'm taking
my sister's check.
446
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:40,327
Yeah?
447
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:41,394
Well, what do you think of this?
448
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:50,603
(SHOUTING) Where
the hell is that tape?
449
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,039
[music playing]
450
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:01,914
Hey.
451
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:03,916
Hi, Dan.
452
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,118
What you up to?
453
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,953
I'm just waiting for Gary.
You?
454
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,388
Running away from home.
455
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:09,956
Buy you a drink?
456
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:12,559
No, let me buy.
457
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:13,993
Yeah, I'll have a beer.
458
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:14,894
Hey, Willie?
459
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:15,928
Couple beers, please?
460
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:16,829
Uh, coming up.
461
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:17,897
Thanks, buddy.
462
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,732
Oh.
463
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:20,967
Things are good
with you and Gary?
464
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,569
Yeah, great.
Yeah.
465
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:23,703
You and Roseanne?
466
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:27,707
Well, tore up your check.
467
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,309
What's keeping Gary?
468
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,411
Look, Jackie, I know you
were only trying to help,
469
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,012
and I was little tough
on you, so I'm sorry.
470
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:33,980
No, I had it coming.
471
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,248
Yeah.
472
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,917
But Dan, all these years,
I've been eating your food
473
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,852
and using your washing
machine and making
474
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,855
long distance calls on the--
475
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,257
that's not important.
476
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,825
But I just figured that I--
477
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,860
I want to pay you back a little.
478
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,229
Well, I appreciate it, Jackie.
479
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:53,433
But I've borrowed money from
relatives before, and trust me,
480
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,067
it never works out.
481
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,169
Oh, I agree.
482
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,070
Remember who lent me
money for my first car?
483
00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,606
You're welcome.
484
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:00,973
"Don't worry, Jackie.
485
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,476
I'll take shopping and find
you a nice solid transportation
486
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:04,811
vehicle."
487
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:07,880
"But gee, Dan, I don't want
a nice solid transportation
488
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,249
vehicle.
489
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,251
I want a shiny new piece of
crap that looks good and goes,
490
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,151
vroom, vroom!"
491
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,353
Well, I did!
492
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:14,587
Don't
493
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,324
Oh, I know.
494
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,259
I know.
495
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,894
Yeah, I remember back when me
and Rosie was getting started,
496
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,864
and well, we wanted
to buy the house.
497
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,567
And I had to borrow the
money from her folks--
498
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,236
your folks.
499
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:34,207
14 years ago, and I still have
to pretend that I like them.
500
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:37,076
Same here.
501
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,380
So then-- well,
neither one of us will
502
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,748
ever borrow from family again.
503
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:42,682
Here.
504
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:43,650
[clink]
505
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,155
But you'd borrow
from a friend, right?
506
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:50,390
Sure, sure.
507
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,692
Well, Dan, I don't think
of you just as family.
508
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,427
I think of you as a friend
509
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,397
Aw, Jackie, I think
of you as family.
510
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,198
Aw, come on, Dan.
511
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:04,103
It'd make me feel so good
if I could help you guys out
512
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,004
Yeah.
513
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:08,841
You're my friend, huh?
514
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,278
Absolutely.
515
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,979
Sure you got
this kind of money?
516
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,180
All you gotta do is ask.
517
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:21,588
You got it, pal!
518
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:24,056
[music playing]
519
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,533
Hey.
520
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,602
Where you been?
521
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,670
Having a drink with a friend.
522
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,439
Oh boy.
523
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:43,310
I love a man who
knows when to cave.
524
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,644
Oh, are you kidding?
525
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,178
She begged me.
526
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,281
What are you doing?
527
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:51,518
Oh, Nancy's picture here?
528
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:52,852
It's like they follow you.
529
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:08,501
You know, you're
right, it's eerie.
530
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,536
There was a bunch of these.
531
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:10,703
We shouldn't leave
them laying around.
532
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,071
Where's the other ones.
533
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:13,373
I thought you had them.
534
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,141
What do I need them
for, proof of purchase?
535
00:21:18,545 --> 00:21:19,946
DJ!
536
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:21,448
[music playing]
537
00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:28,388
[theme music]
538
00:21:28,438 --> 00:21:32,988
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