Original subtitles

MOM, WHO INVENTED THE IRON?

I DON'T KNOW. PROBABLY SOME MAN.

ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

IT WAS INVENTED BY A WOMAN--

YOLANDA I-RON.

I BELIEVE SHE WAS A ROMANIAN,

DETERMINED TO DRIVE THE CREASE PROBLEM

OUT OF CENTRAL EUROPE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?

SHE WAS KILLED.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

BUDGET CLUB.

YEAH, CAN I COME?

I'M TAKING THE HARLEY.

YOU CAN'T CARRY NOTHING ON THAT.

I'M JUST GOING FOR SMALL STUFF--

YOU KNOW, LIKE BATTERIES.

WELL, FINE. I HAVE FRIENDS OF MY OWN.

I'LL JUST GO OUT BY MYSELF LATER.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL JACKIE

AND STRAIGHTEN THIS WHOLE THING OUT.

NO!

BESIDES, I DID, AND SHE WON'T TALK TO ME.

MOM, I THINK THIS BELONGS TO AUNT JACKIE.

WELL, PUT IT IN THE BOX.

ARE YOU GUYS STILL NOT TALKING?

I GUESS SO.

BOY, YOU MUST'VE REALLY MESSED UP THIS TIME, MOM.

HEY, BECKY, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES

YOU AND YOUR SISTER GET MAD AT EACH OTHER--

NOT FOR ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR.

JUST ONE OF YOU WILL DO SOMETHING REALLY STUPID,

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE FIGHTING.

OR NOT EVEN SOMETHING STUPID.

JUST, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING THAT WAS

NONE OF YOUR MOTHER'S BUSINESS--

YOUR SISTER'S BUSINESS.

BYE, DAN.

SEE YOU.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TODAY?

YOU GONNA PLAY WITH, UH, DIANE?

AND THEN I'LL JUST COME IN, YOU KNOW, LOOK AROUND.

MOM, YOU'RE BECOMING A LEECH.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL CRYSTAL?

YEAH, PLAY WITH SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

HI. YOU'VE REACHED THE CONNER PARTY LINE.

IF YOU WEREN'T STILL FIGHTING WITH AUNT JACKIE,

YOU WOULDN'T BE HANGING OUT WITH CRYSTAL EVERY DAY.

WELL, THAT ISN'T TRUE,

AND ONE THING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE OTHER.

I HAVE JUST AS MUCH FUN WITH CRYSTAL

AS I EVER DID WITH YOUR AUNT JACKIE.

MOM, IT'S CRYSTAL.

SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT TIME YOU'RE COMING OVER

TO HELP ORGANIZE HER PLATES.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYS]

HI. HI.

FOR YOU.

OH, THANK YOU.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

WHAT?

I SAID THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL!

HOW CAN YOU THINK WITH THE MUSIC THIS LOUD?

I CAN'T. THAT'S WHY I LIKE IT LOUD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NOTHING. I'M JUST GETTING RID OF STUFF,

THROWING AWAY JUNK I DON'T NEED ANYMORE.

HEY, DID YOU, UH-- YOU KNOW,

I KNOW IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT, UH, DID YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER YET?

NO.

OH, COME ON, JACKIE, IT'S BEEN 3 WEEKS.

I MEAN, I FEEL REALLY BAD.

SOME OF THIS IS MY FAULT.

NO, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, GAR.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL, REALLY.

SOMETIMES WE DON'T TALK AT ALL.

YOU DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT, THAT'S OK.

BUT, YOU KNOW,

MY BROTHER AND I DON'T SPEAK.

WE--WE NEVER WRITE, WE NEVER VISIT, NOTHING,

AND I THINK THAT'S PRETTY SAD.

OH, THAT IS SAD.

YOU SHOULD AT LEAST WRITE.

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ME, JACKIE.

CAN WE?

JUST LET ME SAY ONE THING.

I THINK THAT IT IS VERY SAD

THAT 2 SISTERS, 2 GOOD FRIENDS,

THAT ARE LIVING IN THE SAME CITY,

AREN'T EVEN SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER.

ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M IN LOVE WITH ONE OF 'EM.

OHH!

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD DO SOMETHING SPECIAL TODAY.

OK. WHAT?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

OH, HOLD THAT THOUGHT.

HEY, JACKIE.

HEY, DAN, HOW YOU DOING?

HI, DAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, I JUST CAME BY TO SEE MY SISTER-IN-LAW.

IS THAT SO UNUSUAL?

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT YOU NEVER DID IT BEFORE,

THAT'S ALL.

WELL, I HAVE NOW.

GREAT. GOOD.

SO, HOW'S THE JOB?

THE KIDS?

MY SISTER?

FINE. EVERYBODY'S FINE.

LISTEN, I JUST WANTED, YOU KNOW--

YOU GOT COMPANY, SO...

NO, WHAT?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU AROUND.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI.

HI.

DAN...

CAN WE TALK? YEAH.

HEY, GARY, THIS IS JUST FAMILY STUFF.

I'LL ONLY BE A MINUTE.

YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

YOU WANT TO GO IN THE BEDROOM?

YEAH.

LISTEN, I, UH...

YOU KNOW...

LISTEN, JACKIE,

I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE A WALK DOWN TO THE CORNER.

YOU NEED ANYTHING?

NO, GAR, NO.

NO. WE'LL JUST BE A SECOND.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.

NO. DAN, TELL HIM HE DOESN'T HAVE TO GO.

I'D KILL FOR A ROOT BEER.

GREAT.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

OK, WHAT?

ALL RIGHT, LET ME SAY FIRST FIRST OF ALL

THAT I'VE NEVER POKED MY NOSE

INTO YOUR BUSINESS, CORRECT?

CORRECT.

UP TILL 10 MINUTES AGO, I NEVER THOUGHT I EVER WOULD.

AND I APPRECIATE THAT, DAN.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

ROSEANNE, AS WE ALL KNOW, DOES POKE HER NOSE IN.

UH-HUH. BUT WE ALSO KNOW

THAT IF SHE EVER THOUGHT

THAT ANYTHING SHE EVER DID HURT YOU,

IT WOULD TEAR HER UP.

YEAH.

YOU'RE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN HER LIFE.

AND RIGHT NOW SHE'S SITTING AT HOME

HANGING OUT WITH CRYSTAL,

TRYING TO ACT LIKE EVERYTHING'S OK,

BUT EVERYTHING'S NOT OK.

IT'S OK WITH ME.

WELL, IT'S NOT OK WITH ROSEANNE.

SHE'S HURTING.

YOU NOT TALKING TO HER IS REALLY HURTING HER.

SHE'S TOUGH. SHE'LL GET OVER IT.

SHE NEEDS YOU, JACKIE.

YOU SHUTTING HER OUT LIKE THIS IS TOO MUCH.

YOU'VE GOT TO CALL HER.

NO, I CAN'T.

COME ON, I'M ASKING YOU.

DAN. SO, I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO LET HER

TREAT ME LIKE THE KID SISTER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?

NO, NO. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

YOU'RE NOT A KID ANYMORE.

THAT'S RIGHT, DAN. THAT'S RIGHT.

AND MAYBE SHE'LL LEARN. MAYBE NEXT TIME SHE'LL THINK

BEFORE SHE OPENS HER BIG FAT MOUTH.

HEY, JACKIE, THAT'S THE WAY ROSEANNE IS.

NOW, COME ON,

I'M ASKING YOU TO BE THE BIG SISTER HERE.

DAN, IT HURTS ME, TOO, YOU KNOW.

YOU THINK I LIKE NOT TALKING TO MY OWN SISTER?

I DON'T LIKE IT, EITHER, BUT SHE STARTED IT.

THAT'S THE MATURITY I WAS LOOKING FOR.

WELL, ROSEANNE AND I WILL

JUST HAVE TO WORK IT OUT ON OUR OWN.

YEAH, WELL, I TOOK A SHOT.

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

SO, UH, IF YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING,

HOW COME YOU'RE NOT TALKING?

WELL, I...

I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO ANYTHING, YOU KNOW.

IT'S JUST JACKIE, SHE'S ALWAYS SCREWING UP

EVERY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERY GUY, YOU KNOW.

I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I POINTED OUT TO HER HER STUPID BEHAVIOR

BEFORE SHE MADE A TOTAL ASS OUT OF HERSELF,

THAT MAYBE SHE WOULDN'T DO IT.

SO BASICALLY, YOU STUCK YOUR NOSE IN

WHERE IT DIDN'T BELONG.

YEAH.

BUT YOU DID IT WITH THE BEST OF INTENTIONS.

YEAH.

AND YOU NEVER THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT

THAT IT MIGHT HURT JACKIE.

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

WELL, NOW, SHE'S YOUR SISTER.

I HESITATE TO SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT JACKIE.

NO, NO, GO AHEAD.

WELL, IF I HAD A SISTER

WHO LOVED ME ENOUGH TO RISK STICKING HER NECK OUT

BY SAYING SOMETHING THAT MIGHT MAKE A DIFFERENCE

IN A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP

WITH A HANDSOME, SEXY, INDEPENDENTLY EMPLOYED GUY

WHO LIVES RIGHT DOWN THE STREET FROM YOURS TRULY,

WELL, I'D BE NOTHING BUT GRATEFUL.

REALLY?

WELL, OF COURSE, ROSEANNE.

WHAT YOU DID, YOU DID OUT OF LOVE AND CARING.

AND JACKIE KNOWS YOU WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW

THAT SOMETIMES YOU DO STUPID, INSENSITIVE THINGS,

BUT WITH THE BEST OF INTENTIONS.

GEE, THANKS, CRYSTAL.

WELL, AND IF SHE CAN'T SEE THAT,

WELL, SHE'S JUST AS NASTY AS CAN BE,

AND YOU SHOULD TELL HER.

WELL, SHE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME.

WELL, UH, WELL, THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING

I EVER HEARD.

YOU--YOU GET JACKIE ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.

YOU TELL HER THAT'S NOT THE WAY SISTERS TREAT ONE ANOTHER.

YEAH.

MM-HMM.

YEAH, THAT'S--I AM.

I'M CALLING HER UP RIGHT NOW.

I'M GONNA TELL HER TO JUST GET OVER IT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

JACKIE? HI, IT'S ME.

OH, THAT'S GOOD. GOOD.

YEAH.

YEAH, WELL, I THINK WE NEED TO TALK.

YEAH.

WELL, WE BOTH...

YEAH. YEAH.

OK.

GREAT.

BYE.

WELL?

SHE'S COMING RIGHT OVER.

YOU SEE? SHE KNOWS SHE'S WRONG.

OHH! OH, JEEZ, I'M BACK.

I KNOW YOU'RE BACK,

BUT, HONEY, I GOT TO GO NOW.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU AND I HAVE TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

WELL, NO, GARY, WE CAN TALK LATER

BECAUSE I TOLD ROSEANNE I'D COME OVER

AND TALK TO HER.

OH, THAT'S GREAT,

BUT THAT CAN WAIT JUST ANOTHER 10 MINUTES.

I DON'T WANT TO PUT IT OFF ANY LONGER.

GARY, GARY. OK, NOW...

OK.

NOW, UM...

BOY. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, JACKIE,

AND, UM, YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

AND I'M GLAD WE TALKED ABOUT IT.

DO YOU FEEL BETTER? I KNOW I DO.

BUT, GARY, I'VE REALLY GOT TO GO.

YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS, SO...

YOU STAY HERE, PUT YOUR FEET UP,

HAVE A BEER-- JACKIE?

I'LL BE BACK AS SOON AS I CAN.

LET'S GET MARRIED!

ALL RIGHT.

BECKY.

Becky: WHAT?

GET DOWN HERE RIGHT AWAY, QUICK.

OK, YOUR AUNT JACKIE'S HERE.

WHEN SHE COMES IN, TELL HER I'M NOT HERE.

WHY?

JUST TELL HER I WAS WAITING AROUND

FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

TELL HER I GOT MAD, AND THEN I LEFT.

WHERE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING TO MY BEDROOM.

I'M NOT GONNA LIE FOR YOU.

I'LL DO IT.

GOOD, YOU DO IT.

HI.

JACKSON, LONG TIME NO SEE.

YEAH, I KNOW.

MOM'S NOT HERE.

SHE'S NOT? NOPE.

WELL, I GOT A LITTLE HUNG UP.

YEAH, WELL, SHE WAITED FOR YOU FOR OVER AN HOUR,

THEN SHE STOMPED AROUND FOR ANOTHER HOUR THROWING SHOES.

OH, GOD, SHE'S MAD.

I MEAN, REALLY, REALLY MAD.

WASN'T SHE?

YEAH. I GOT TO GO UPSTAIRS.

HOW COME HER CAR'S HERE?

WELL, BECAUSE SHE WAS SO ANGRY,

THAT I TOLD HER SHE SHOULDN'T DRIVE.

YOU AND BECKY DOING SOME SATURDAY CLEANING?

YEAH. YOU KNOW,

JUST TRYING TO DO OUR SHARE.

YOU WOULDN'T BE LYING TO ME, DARLENE,

WOULD YOU?

ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR? YOUR FAVORITE NIECE?

I WOULDN'T GO BACK THERE. WE HAVEN'T CLEANED BACK THERE.

REALLY GOOD TRY, DARLENE, REALLY GOOD.

ROSEANNE?

WHO IS IT?

OK, KILL ME.

LOOK, I WAS ON MY WAY OVER HERE--

HEY, HEY, HEY!

IF THIS SENTENCE HAS THE WORD "GARY" IN IT,

I AM GOING TO THROW THIS BOOK AT YOU.

AND IT'S JAMES MICHENER, SO YOU BETTER WATCH OUT.

I WAS ON MY WAY OVER HERE WHEN THE MAN I'M SEEING--

OH, YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING HE SAYS.

ROSEANNE, WILL YOU STOP IT?

STOP IT? YOU'RE THE ONE GOING AROUND SAYING

HE'S LIKE TOTALLY CONTROLLING EVERYTHING.

AND THEN I TRY TO HELP,

YOU GET ALL MIXED UP AND BACKWARDS,

YOU START CALLING ME THE BAD GUY,

THEN YOU CAN'T EVEN SHOW UP ON TIME TO APOLOGIZE.

I DIDN'T COME OVER HERE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU,

I CAME OVER HERE TO FORGIVE YOU.

OH, WELL, SORRY.

OK, APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

SO YOU COULDN'T, LIKE, PICK UP THE PHONE

AND CALL ME?

NO, I WAS KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING.

OH, PLEASE, SPARE ME.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

SO THEN YOU SHOULD'VE CALLED.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE WERE DOING?

NO, I REALLY DON'T CARE

WHAT YOU AND GARY WERE DOING.

ROSEANNE, HE PROPOSED TO ME.

AAH! AAH!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU'LL GET MARRIED IN THE SPRING.

YOU'LL GET MARRIED IN OUR BACK YARD.

WE'LL MOVE THE TRUCK AND THE STATION WAGON.

IT'LL BE GREAT! THIS'LL BE GREAT.

HEY, YOU COME DOWN TO THE BEAUTY SHOP

AND THEY'LL DO YOUR HAIR.

YEAH, NOT THAT MARSHA CHICK.

OH, NO, SHE'S A BUTCHER.

IRIS. IRIS IS SO GOOD.

OH, WE'VE GOT TO TELL DAN, AND YOU'VE GOT TO GET A DRESS.

HEY, I THINK WE SHOULD CALL MOM.

NOW, ROSEANNE, WAIT. HOLD ON A SECOND.

LET'S NOT GO SO FAST.

NOW, SPRING IS SOON.

I KNOW. SPRING IS SOON.

YEAH, SO?

SO I JUST DON'T THINK

THAT WE SHOULD DIVE INTO ANYTHING.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME

I SHOULDN'T BE ACTING LIKE A HIGH-SCHOOL KID.

WELL, WHAT DO I KNOW? HEY, IT'S YOUR LIFE.

OHH. I KNOW, BUT, ROSEANNE,

SEE, I'M STILL DOING IT.

I'M LETTING HIM MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS.

OH, WELL, THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

YOU KNOW, EVEN ABOUT THE WEDDING.

I MEAN, WE DIDN'T EVEN DISCUSS IT.

WELL, THAT'S NO BIG DEAL.

SO, HE JUST SAID, "LET'S GET MARRIED."

AND THEN I KIND OF WENT, "ALL RIGHT."

AAH! AAH!

OH, GOD, OH, GOD, OH, GOD,

I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.

WHAT? OK. JACKIE HARRIS.

YEAH. JACKIE HALL.

YOU WILL HAVE...

Both: THE SAME INITIALS!

AAH! AAH!

ROSEANNE, NO.

COME ON, ROSEANNE,

WHERE YOU GOING TO PUT A LIVE BAND?

WHAT IF IT RAINS?

A TENT? WHAT KIND OF A TENT?

NO. ROSEANNE, NO.

WE HAVEN'T EVEN SET A DATE YET.

HE HASN'T MET MOM AND DAD.

WHEN? NO, NOT THIS WEEKEND.

NO! LOOK.

LET'S TALK ABOUT IT LATER, OK?

'CAUSE GARY'S HERE...

HI, ROSEANNE.

AND WE'RE SORT OF... NO, WE'RE NOT DOING THAT.

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, OK? GOOD-BYE.

SO?

GARY?

THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

OK, I'M HERE. BROUGHT MY EARS.

TALK TO ME.

GARY?

I'M NOT...THE WOMAN

THAT YOU'VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH.

I MEAN, I'M NOT THIS ALWAYS AGREEABLE,

ALWAYS WILLING TO DO WHATEVER YOU SAY,

"GEE, LET'S HAVE ANOTHER BOX OF DOTS" KIND OF WOMAN.

GOOD.

GOOD WHAT?

GOOD THAT YOU'RE A REAL PERSON

AND NOT SANDY DUNCAN WITH A BADGE.

YEAH, I--THAT'S-- I'M A REAL PERSON, GARY.

I'M NOT PERFECT.

WELL, I KNOW THAT.

WHO WANTS TO MARRY SOMEONE WHO'S PERFECT?

YOU COULD NEVER WIN AN ARGUMENT WITH 'EM.

YOU KNOW, I DESPISE WEARING MAKE-UP.

AND BECAUSE OF YOU, I'VE BEEN WEARING IT

EVERY SINGLE DAY NOW FOR 9 WEEKS.

WHAT, WAS THAT 'CAUSE I CAME OVER HERE

WITH A SHOTGUN AND SOME BLUSH?

NO, I'M JUST-- I'M TELLING YOU, GARY,

THERE'S A WHOLE OTHER PERSON INSIDE OF HERE

THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT.

OHH.

I DON'T LIKE WATCHING CABLE SPORTS NEWS.

THERE, I'VE SAID IT.

AND IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE, I DON'T BLAME YOU.

WELL, WE DON'T HAVE TO WATCH CABLE SPORTS.

I CAN WATCH IT ALONE.

QUITE FRANKLY, I DON'T LIKE

WATCHING IT WITH YOU ANYWAY.

YOU'RE ANNOYING.

OK, FINE. LEAVE.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I WANT TO LEAVE, JACKIE.

THAT JUST MEANS

THAT WE DON'T DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

GARY, I WILL ALWAYS SAY THAT I NEVER BLAMED YOU.

JACKIE.

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

WAS THAT THE BIG THING

YOU WANTED TO GET OFF YOUR CHEST?

OH, GARY.

GARY, THAT'S JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

HONEY...

SOMETIMES AT NIGHT

I LIE IN BED AND BITE MY NAILS

AND SPIT THEM ACROSS THE ROOM.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I LIE IN BED SOME NIGHTS

LISTENING TO YOU BITE YOUR NAILS

AND SPITTING THEM ACROSS THE ROOM.

AND I PRETEND LIKE I'M ASLEEP

SO THAT YOU CAN KEEP DOING IT.

LOOK, I'VE GOT MY SPORTS,

YOU'VE GOT YOUR NAILS, HMM?

OR YOU DID.

LOOK, I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU.

YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

I--I AM ALSO VERY, VERY CLOSE WITH MY SISTER.

WE TALK ON THE PHONE LIKE 3, 4 TIMES A DAY.

AND I GOT NO PROBLEM WITH THAT AT ALL.

I THINK ROSEANNE'S GREAT.

SHE AND I SPEND AN AWFUL LOT OF TIME TOGETHER.

FINE. I LIKE GOING OVER THERE.

NO, YOU DON'T.

YOU'RE RIGHT, JACKIE.

I'M LYING SO YOU'LL MARRY ME.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

LOOK...

I LOVE YOU,

AND I LOVE BEING PART OF YOUR LIFE.

AND SO FAR, THERE'S NOTHING

ABOUT YOUR LIFE I DON'T LOVE.

WELL, YOU HAVEN'T MET MY MOTHER YET.

I'LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN I COME TO IT.

OH, HONEY,

YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO BLOW UP THAT BRIDGE

WHEN YOU COME TO IT.

SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING TONIGHT?

YEAH. WHAT?

WHATEVER YOU WANT. YOU CALL IT.

WELL, UM...

SEX?

GOOD CALL.

OH, I GOT LUCKY.

HEY, DARLENE,

IMAGINE AUNT JACKIE WEARING THIS.

YEAH, RIGHT.

GARY WILL SAY, "I DON'T."

HEY, QUIET, YOU TWO, OR YOU AIN'T GETTING INVITED.

HOW CAN YOU NOT INVITE US

TO SOMETHING AT OUR OWN HOUSE?

BECAUSE I HAVE TOTAL POWER.

I'M THE CATERER.

I THINK YOUR SISTER'S HERE.

WHY?

'CAUSE HER AND HER BEAU PULLED UP OUT FRONT.

HEY, DAD, CAN'T YOU SEE AUNT JACKIE

IN ONE OF THESE?

I DON'T KNOW, BABE.

I THINK AUNT JACKIE'S BODY

MIGHT REJECT A WHITE DRESS.

OH, DAN, COME ON, THERE'S NOTHING SAYING

SHE CAN'T WEAR A WHITE DRESS.

I WORE WHITE.

I DON'T RECALL ASKING ANY OF YOU

FOR YOUR OPINION.

HI.

[HUMMING WEDDING MARCH]

CUT IT OUT, YOU GUYS.

HI, DEEJ, HOW YOU DOING?

GREAT. YOU GONNA HAVE KIDS?

WELL, MAYBE SOMEDAY,

WHEN SHE'S VERY, VERY OLD.

YES, MAYBE SOMEDAY, DEEJ.

OK, EVERYBODY GET OUT OF HERE

BECAUSE ME AND SIS HAS TO TALK.

ROSEANNE.

WELL, GARY CAN GO PLAY WITH DAN.

YEAH, COME ON OUT BACK. I'LL SHOW YOU MY FORT.

WE'LL BE IN THE FORT.

CAN I COME?

YEAH, COME ON.

SO, IT LOOKS LIKE

WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN UNCLE GARY.

YEAH, LOOKS LIKE. NOW SCRAM.

OH, I GOT BAD NEWS.

WELL, IT'S NOT THAT BAD,

BUT IT'S KIND OF SHOCKING.

OK, I WAS READING HERE IN FARMER'S ALMANAC.

THEY PREDICT A LOT MORE RAIN THIS SPRING THAN NORMAL.

AND THEN, YOU KNOW, THIS TENT THING,

THAT'S REALLY, REALLY EXPENSIVE.

SO I WAS THINKING

MAYBE WE HAVE TO MOVE IT IN THE HOUSE.

I DON'T KNOW. I THINK MAYBE WE'LL MOVE INSIDE.

BUT THAT'S OK, BECAUSE, OH, IT'S STILL GONNA BE

A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL WEDDING.

AND I HAVE TO DO THIS ONE THING,

AND I NEED YOU TO HELP ME WITH IT.

NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WELL, IF WE'RE GONNA MOVING IT FROM OUTSIDE TO INSIDE,

I WAS THINKING ABOUT WHAT I COULD DO

TO REORGANIZING EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW,

BECAUSE IT'S LIKE A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING,

AND I WASN'T PLANNING FOR IT.

SO I THOUGHT, WELL, WE CAN USE THIS.

YOU COME DOWN HERE... NO, NO.

AND THEN YOU'RE RIGHT HERE,

AND THEN JUST PRACTICE THROWING THE BOUQUET.

NO, NO, NO.

JUST TO SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

JUST DO IT TO SEE.

OVER YOUR SHOULDER LIKE THAT.

OH, GOD, NO. I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT.

OH, JUST GO DO IT.

I WISH YOU WOULD SLOW DOWN ABOUT THIS.

I AM. I AM.

I'M NOT GETTING ALL EXCITED OR ANYTHING.

BUT I WAS THINKING I'LL HANG SOME CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

OVER THE ARCHWAY THERE.

YEAH.

OK, YOU'RE UP THERE,

ALL THE WOMEN ARE DOWN HERE.

THEY'RE GOING, "THROW ME.

"THROW IT TO ME.

"PICK ME. I WANT TO CATCH IT.

I WANT TO CATCH IT."

ROSEANNE.

JUST THROW IT, WOULD YOU?

ROSEANNE.

"I WANT TO CATCH IT!"

ROSEANNE, WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED.

I MEAN, WE ARE,

BUT NOT JUST THIS SECOND.

WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING. WE JUST DECIDED

WE NEEDED TO TALK ABOUT IT SOME MORE.

NOW I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE MY WEDDING.

ROSEANNE, YOU'RE MARRIED.

THIS IS ABOUT ME.

OH, BUMMER.

SEE, WHAT HAPPENED WAS, YOU KNOW, HE PROPOSED,

AND THEN I JUST SAID ALL RIGHT.

WHICH WASN'T A DEFINITE YES.

IT WASN'T A NO, EITHER, BUT WE JUST DECIDED

WE NEED TO DISCUSS IT A LOT MORE.

WELL, WHAT'D YOU SAY? HOW DID YOU HANDLE IT?

I THINK I HANDLED IT REALLY WELL.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I JUST WAS VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD

AND VERY ADULT.

AND I SAID THAT I THOUGHT

WE SHOULD TAKE IT ONE STEP AT A TIME.

WELL, HOW COME YOU'RE ASSERTIVE NOW?

BASICALLY, WE DECIDED THAT WE WOULD GO STEADY.

AND THEN, IF THAT WENT WELL, WE WOULD GET ENGAGED,

AND THEN EVENTUALLY WE WOULD...

DO WHAT YOU AND DAN DID.

WELL, JUST SAY IT, JACKIE.

SAY, "ME AND GARY ARE GONNA GET MARRIED."

WELL...WE MIGHT.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

[WEDDING MARCH PLAYING]

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