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1
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:07,828
Morning.
2
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:10,679
Mm.
3
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:16,239
Mm.
4
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:17,474
Oh.
5
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,598
I know this is a dream, you know.
6
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:23,835
No, it isn't, silly.
7
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,711
I'm here.
8
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,069
I've moved in, because we're in love.
9
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,557
No.
10
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,876
No, my brain won't even allow me
to enjoy dreams these days.
11
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,956
That's how much it hates me.
12
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,468
No, it's no good. I may as well wake up.
13
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,431
And what makes you think it's a dream?
14
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,349
Well...
15
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,193
...you know.
16
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,509
There's this.
17
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,076
Plus there are other clues.
I mean, the Proclaimers are in my room.
18
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,872
We're making a pot!
19
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,476
Oh, Piss!
20
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,431
It's overcrowded enough in here as it is.
21
00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:06,959
I heard that.
22
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,116
Yes, and I heard you last night snoring.
23
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,151
It's like sharing a room
with a dot matrix printer.
24
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,873
You've got a nerve, talking about
my night-time shortcomings.
25
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:17,196
Who eats lamb chops
at two o'clock in the morning in bed?
26
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:18,753
No-one's making you stay, Brian.
27
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,395
Is it any wonder the dog follows you
around? You constantly smell of meat.
28
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:25,238
- Brian, breakfast is ready!
- Oh...
29
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,396
Coming, Mrs D!
30
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,393
Piss! Get out!
31
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:51,000
Ripped By mstoll
32
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:05,796
And so, if I hadn't have explored my
community, I'd never have met Gerry here.
33
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,116
And you see, that's what
Community Week is all about.
34
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:14,029
It's about reaping the rewards for looking
around you and getting involved.
35
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:18,870
And we're very lucky that Gerry has agreed
to leave Bella here with us for the week.
36
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,036
So, feel free to pop by and say hi.
37
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,310
Ah!
38
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,475
Hmm.
39
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:28,354
I'd like to finish with a poem.
Don't groan. Not all poems are boring.
40
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,513
Me.
41
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:39,549
We.
42
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:43,354
Now, this poem was made up
on the spot by a very great person.
43
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,628
Do you know who?
44
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,435
This man.
45
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:53,553
Boys and girls, we are stronger together.
Enjoy Community Week.
46
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,396
Thank you so much. Thank you.
47
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,831
God! Alistair's good, isn't he?
48
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,791
Oh, he is.
49
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,717
I also sort of want him dead.
50
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,274
Oh, even you can't be cynical
about Community Week,
51
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,515
- surely?
- Oh, no.
52
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:22,030
Ah! Adorable!
53
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,640
- Who's this?
- Its name is Piss.
54
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,113
Stop following me around,
55
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,479
- you hairy little shit!
- Oh, he's so cute.
56
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,351
Whose is he?
57
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,753
He, um...
58
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,189
He belongs to this old guy I visit.
59
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,437
- You visit?
- Yeah, he's a war veteran.
60
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:43,879
He hasn't got anyone any more,
61
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,639
so I just pop round sometimes,
do a bit of ironing for him
62
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:51,117
and he tells me what it was like having
no bananas and, you know, all that.
63
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,276
Dan, you do not visit an old war veteran.
64
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,992
What, because I don't crow about it
65
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,156
and bring him in for an assembly,
like that dick?
66
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,829
Well, you should. Most people,
the Head included, think that you're a...
67
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,075
Well...
68
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:04,951
a lazy tosser.
69
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,468
Lazy? Lazy?
70
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,234
Is this lazy?
71
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:12,709
Uh!
72
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,149
This?
73
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,236
No? Well...
74
00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:18,599
Oh!
75
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,551
Lazy?
76
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,357
Were any of those lazy?
77
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:35,592
Honestly, sometimes I think she's not
the girl for me. There's no trust.
78
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:36,993
You don't visit an old man.
79
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,712
What's that got to do with it?
Where's the trust?
80
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,320
Well, either way,
I'm going to have to find one ASAP.
81
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,112
Use Big Dave Bowers.
82
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,549
What? He's only about 50.
83
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,953
I'm 32!
84
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,513
Fucking hell, Dave. Eat some veg, mate.
85
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,511
Ta-da! What do you think?
86
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,949
It sort of looks a bit like Miley Cyrus.
87
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,077
It's fucking shit.
88
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,152
- I've done Shakira now, Brian. Look.
- Yes.
89
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,668
Do you think it's time
for another visit to the Jobcentre?
90
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,314
No, Jackie says I'm a free spirit
and I should concentrate on my art.
91
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,193
Right, I need to get hold
of a World War II vet.
92
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,550
Oh, God. I forgot this place was like
a swap shop for the mentally ill.
93
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,433
Listen, I'm not staying. I just popped in
to say I'm cooking tonight.
94
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:19,153
- 6.30 sharp, OK?
- Yes.
95
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,672
He's got to go. He's been a nightmare
since Julia kicked him out.
96
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,836
And he's weird.
Who takes a stopwatch into the toilet?
97
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,314
Where the hell
am I going to find
98
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,793
- a pensioner?
- I'd love to help,
99
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:33,400
but I'm doing portraits
at Autumn Leaves this weekend.
100
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,396
Autumn Leaves, the retirement home?
101
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,273
Yeah. Perfect models. Can't move.
102
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:42,393
- The old people at the retirement home?
- Yeah. Some of them are so old...
103
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,634
You can't help me, no?
104
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,468
Are you deaf? I'm working. You're like
the old people at the retirement home.
105
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,033
But you don't know any old people?
106
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,752
Dan, I think you need a holiday, mate.
107
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:58,473
Right... concentrate.
108
00:05:58,520 --> 00:05:59,430
Go.
109
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,592
- Hello there.
- Hello.
110
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:03,959
Robin!
111
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,230
He always shits himself in school plays.
112
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:10,432
Only if I have lines. I never shat myself
when I was the donkey in 'tivity.
113
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:13,358
Just go to the toilet. Right.
114
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,039
My community is full of surprises.
115
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:20,312
Good morning, Mr Davies, out for a walk.
116
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:22,271
Yes, young Ralph. See you in school.
117
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,550
- This is shit, sir!
- Silence!
118
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,319
Oh, look. It's old Mrs Campbell,
119
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,749
the mean-spirited old lady.
120
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,634
I'm horrible to everyone. I wish
people would give me a chance, though.
121
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,636
I'm only like this
because I have no friends...
122
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,915
...seriously, not one.
123
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,713
- I'm not doing this.
- None of us want to do it.
124
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:46,230
Shut up! It's inspiring.
Guys, I'm inspiring you.
125
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,430
Oh!
126
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,152
Go on. We'll finish it tomorrow.
127
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,759
Are you seriously doing an assembly?
128
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,199
Yes.
129
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,550
- With a war veteran?
- Very much the centre of the piece.
130
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,673
You are full of surprises, Dan Davies.
131
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,029
- Thank you.
- Ssh!
132
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,355
I don't do this for thanks.
133
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,592
Have you been eating meat?
134
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,635
Mm! What is it you say it is? Truffle oil?
135
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,478
Yes, a little. Brings out the flavour
of the aubergine, doesn't it?
136
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,511
- It's exquisite, dear.
- Mm!
137
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:28,834
Daniel.
138
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,916
- You're late.
- Yes.
139
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,430
Well, unlike you, Zelda from Terrahawks,
I have a job.
140
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:35,674
I did give you plenty of notice, Dan.
141
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,154
Brian has taken the trouble
to make us this wonderful meal,
142
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,760
and you can't even be bothered to turn up.
If I were
143
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,315
any less relaxed, I'd take
a length of rubber hosing to you.
144
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:48,399
You are all aware that Marital Crisis Boy
here is sharing my bedroom?
145
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:53,279
Well, if you'll excuse me, I...
146
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,117
I think Morse is on.
147
00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:00,396
You monstrous shit!
148
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,795
You never think about
the people around you, do you?
149
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,718
I've really noticed it
since Brian moved in.
150
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:06,829
Keys.
151
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:07,995
- What?
- We've had a chat,
152
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,032
and we've decided Brian needs house keys
more than you do.
153
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,469
- You're not serious?
- Deadly.
154
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,876
And we have also bagged up
all your old clothes from your wardrobe,
155
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,558
and we're burning them.
156
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,716
Poor Brian needs storage space.
157
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,273
Give me those!
158
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:23,719
Keys.
159
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,716
Everybody getting married!
Tony getting married.
160
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,193
Belinda getting married.
161
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,913
Sophie not getting married.
She's a holiday rep.
162
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,549
Gregory going to Vegas,
getting married by an Elvis.
163
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,750
Ah... what?
164
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,870
Just brought you some clothes.
165
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:45,955
I got eyes.
166
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,197
Right.
There's some really nice stuff there.
167
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,753
- Would you like to go through them?
- No.
168
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:52,631
Maybe a thank you?
169
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,319
- You want the clothes back?
- No, but...
170
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,749
- You don't need the clothes?
- No.
171
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,313
But I think a little thank you
wouldn't go amiss.
172
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,237
You want me to hang up?
173
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,429
No.
174
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,994
If you want me to hang up,
you'd better tell me to hang up!
175
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:09,629
Tch!
176
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,671
Jennifer gone to Gretna Green.
177
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:18,435
What? Walter is perfect for your assembly.
He's well nice.
178
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:22,996
Yes, also lacking that most vital of
presentation skills, the gift of speech.
179
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,678
Well, I introduced you to Roger
and he was in the war.
180
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:28,395
He was also not in trousers and pants.
Come on, Jo.
181
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:33,355
Ah, the war. Ah, there... there was a time
when we all pulled together.
182
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,118
Hi, Tim. Did you like
the painting I did of you?
183
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,549
Oh, yes, yes. Thank you, dear.
Very, very good. Yes.
184
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,150
You haven't introduced me to Tim, Jo.
185
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,475
No, I didn't think he was quite right.
He doesn't wear a hat.
186
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,511
Why would I need him to wear a hat?
187
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:51,759
Well, I don't really need to wear a hat,
because I don't get to go out very often.
188
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,633
Ah, well, maybe I could take you out
for a lovely cup of tea some time, Tim.
189
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,672
- Oh, well, yes, that would be lovely.
- The town hall's having
190
00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,438
a craft fair for Community Week.
191
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,198
You should come down.
I'm doing some portraits.
192
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,992
Craft fair? How lovely!
193
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,600
Reminds me of the war. Yes.
194
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,756
Simple times.
195
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,314
- Shall we, Tim?
- Oh.
196
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,435
Right.
197
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,232
Right!
198
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,674
This is it.
199
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:27,110
Yeah, go on, you go in. I'll...
I'll catch you up. There's just, er...
200
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,469
there's just something I've got to do.
201
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,988
- I'll... I'll come with you, shall I?
- Sure.
202
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,917
- Oh.
- I feel a little nervous, crossing roads.
203
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,839
OK.
204
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:44,759
Now, now, ladies. It was Dan's idea
to let me stay. He's not all bad.
205
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,439
Well, I, for one, prefer you, Brian.
206
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,038
Nesta!
207
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:53,756
Come on, Polly. What does Daniel
bring to the party that Brian doesn't?
208
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,675
Oh, look! You can get your name
on a piece of rice.
209
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:02,269
Brian, would you like your name
on a piece of rice?
210
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,276
- My treat.
- I couldn't, Auntie.
211
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:07,392
I can... call you Auntie?
212
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,034
You can call me anything you want,
dear boy.
213
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,993
If you were thirsty,
I would happily wet-nurse you...
214
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,715
if these wells weren't so very dry.
215
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,635
Everybody on 3G.
216
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,750
Marlene on 3G.
217
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,119
Patrick on 3G.
218
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,789
Paula not on 3G.
She don't trust smartphone.
219
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,432
Yes?
220
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,311
Just popped in to see
how my clothes are selling.
221
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,396
- Why?
- Well...
222
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,510
I suppose I brought you some nice things
223
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:39,472
and I just wondered if it had raised
any money for your charity.
224
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,954
Why you want praise
for giving away rubbish?
225
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,468
It's not rubbish. I think that's my point.
226
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:45,919
I like this jug.
227
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,871
OK.
228
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,876
Sorry? You don't want me
to buy it for you?
229
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,638
Oh, yes. Yes, please.
230
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,319
Reminds me of one I had in the war.
231
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,954
Right. How much is this jug, please?
232
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,228
£100.
233
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,317
What? Don't be ridiculous.
I wouldn't shit in it.
234
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,112
Oh. I really like it.
235
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:09,753
Oh, I'm not... l-I don't really like...
I don't like crowds.
236
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,598
Don't worry, Tim. We're just going to
pop in and have a nice cup of tea.
237
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,153
Well...
238
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,350
could we hold hands?
239
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,516
- What?
- Only l-I'd feel better if we...
240
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:20,949
if we could hold hands.
241
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,831
Do you know, I'd rather not.
242
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,393
Oh.
243
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,795
Oh, I'd better go back to the home, then.
244
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,718
She says I'm not spontaneous enough,
245
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,318
and, well...
246
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,079
...I suppose she has a point.
- Rubbish!
247
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:38,351
You were going to pay for your crumpet
and you changed it.
248
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,675
To a toasted teacake.
249
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,109
The woman had even started to warm it.
250
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,674
Yes, it was a little maverick.
251
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,548
Oh.
252
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,478
All right, I think we can stop
holding hands now, Tim.
253
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,115
Oh, I'd rather not. Ooh, cake!
254
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,630
- Having a nice time?
- Perfectly lovely,
255
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:06,036
- thank you.
- Brian has treated us to a cream tea.
256
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,559
I'll bet he has.
257
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,512
It was the least I could do.
You have put a roof over my head.
258
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:14,599
Which was my idea.
When will I be receiving my cream tea?
259
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:18,633
Daniel, you shouldn't do things
for people just to get thanked.
260
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:21,592
Typical. Wipes his own bottom
and wants a badge.
261
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:25,030
Daniel, this woman wants some money.
262
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,229
Oh!
263
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:27,633
I like scones.
264
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,315
- All right now, Tim?
- Well, not really, no.
265
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,352
I... You know,
I'm not feeling very confident.
266
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,676
I... You know,
I think I'd rather go back to the home.
267
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:45,195
Er...
268
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,714
...unless, um...
269
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,956
Oh. Oh, I want my name in wire.
270
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,673
Christ. How much is it?
271
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,359
- £3 a letter.
- All right, then, Tim.
272
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,875
This bloke's a fucking nightmare.
He's costing me a fortune.
273
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,717
He's just lonely.
You're spreading a bit of joy.
274
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,320
Just like I am with my paintings.
275
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,794
It's not about the money.
276
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,988
I'm not paying for that.
It looks like Miley Cyrus.
277
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,314
OK, you don't have to pay for it!
278
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,318
Tim's going to be brilliant
in your assembly.
279
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,033
I'll come along, help with the kids.
For free!
280
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,957
Thanks, mate.
281
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,953
This man wants paying.
282
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,753
Fuck's sake!
283
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,912
New personal best?
284
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,951
Why are you dressed like that?
It's Sunday morning.
285
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,991
Just taking the ladies to church
as a thank you.
286
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,951
You're staying in my bedroom.
287
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,833
- In your mum's house.
- It's me who has to put up with you.
288
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,030
Do you think I want to be here?
It might surprise you to learn
289
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,877
that my wife not speaking to me is...
290
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,911
pretty ruddy painful, actually!
291
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,475
Just... look further than the end
of your own nose for once.
292
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,192
Oh, hello.
293
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,549
One of the nurses brought me. Ha!
294
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:27,151
I fancied a trip to the... to the seaside.
Reminds me of the war.
295
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,155
Sir, Piss keeps running off!
296
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,590
Well, put him on a lead!
He's the big "ah" factor at the end.
297
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,359
Dan, when do you want
Maddie to bring this on?
298
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,753
I've told you.
299
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,394
Just after the emotional summing up,
after the war veteran's been on.
300
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,591
- You, you don't miss your cue.
- Chill out, Dan.
301
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:49,959
This is going to be wicked.
302
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,673
I might just get away with it
if that weirdo Tim delivers.
303
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,029
- Oh, he's not coming.
- What?
304
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,389
Says he doesn't feel confident.
I saw him last night up at Autumn Leaves.
305
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,634
Bastard!
306
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,717
He was confident enough to have four rides
on a donkey at the seaside yesterday,
307
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,113
and as many ice creams.
308
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,192
Right, you watch this lot.
I'll go and get him. Bastard!
309
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,319
No good. Stop.
310
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:19,308
Please, Tim.
311
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,635
I can't do it. I feel too nervous.
312
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,989
Look, it's not going to take long.
So, please.
313
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,031
I've never really had
very much confidence.
314
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,270
I'd feel better
if I could wear your shirt.
315
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,551
- What?
- Well, it's such a nice shirt.
316
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,431
I think it would give me confidence.
317
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,072
Well, you're not having
my fucking shirt, so...
318
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,634
Oh, well, you'd better take me
back to the home, then.
319
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,949
All right, we'll have to go back
to my house to get another shirt.
320
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,434
I haven't got any keys!
321
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,198
Tara, Jeremy...
322
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,912
...Clio, Sean,
323
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,554
Steven and Felicity.
324
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,558
All of them got damp-proofing.
325
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,039
Come back for more praise?
326
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,719
Well, it would be nice, and I'd like
one of my shirts back, please.
327
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:08,749
Certainly.
328
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:09,994
£200.
329
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:13,112
I gave them to you.
330
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,355
They are top quality.
You said so yourself.
331
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,799
£200!
332
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,831
If you do not give me
one of those shirts back,
333
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,758
I swear I will never
give to charity again!
334
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,995
You think it matters what you bring in?
335
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,069
See this?
336
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:31,954
There'll be five pottery owls in tomorrow
to replace it. You don't get thanked.
337
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,433
This?
338
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,869
Who you think gonna buy a Johnny Mathis?
339
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,551
They didn't get thanked.
340
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:45,435
And who you think gonna buy clothes
to fit a lanky fat-chops like you?
341
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,199
No-one!
342
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,559
Fine.
343
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,194
I'll take one. Could I have a bag, please?
344
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,834
I got one in the back. That'll be a pound.
345
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,788
Now, volunteered assemblies
are very dear to me
346
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,671
and I'm sure you'll all agree
347
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:16,952
that last week's assembly by Mr Thomas
was a tour de force.
348
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,560
Me. We.
349
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,591
Well done.
350
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,200
Happy?
351
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,913
Well, I... I still feel a bit nervous.
352
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,633
Right. Well, we're on in a few moments.
I'm sure you'll be fine.
353
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,274
Sir, my stomach feels gurgly.
354
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,869
Yes, well, all you're doing is waving now,
isn't it, Robin? So, relax.
355
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,348
Everything all right on stage?
356
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,799
- Music sorted?
- Yep.
357
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,034
It's going to be so good.
358
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,389
You'll hardly notice
Piss is missing at all.
359
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,556
What? I need him.
360
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,273
That prick Alistair had a cute animal.
Find him.
361
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,915
Am I going to have to go on
without the dog?
362
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:55,077
Oh, no, no. No, that...
that's really dented my confidence.
363
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:58,590
- No, I... I don't think I can go on.
- Tim, please!
364
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,039
Thank him for stepping up.
365
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:07,072
So, without any further ado, er... I call
upon Mr Davies and the pupils of 9G.
366
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,478
My community is very important to me.
367
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:31,919
Hello.
368
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:45,510
Now, then, how many of you know
who said these inspirational words?
369
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:53,509
No?
370
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,710
It was this man.
371
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,152
Miley Cyrus.
372
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,758
Oh, for...
373
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,360
It's Winston Churchill!
374
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:12,038
When I say the word "pensioner",
what is it that you think of?
375
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:15,755
Piss! Piss!
376
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,711
You don't perhaps think hero?
377
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,513
But after today, you might!
378
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,757
Who has a question for Tim about the war?
379
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:29,915
Piss!
380
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,916
Piss! Piss!
381
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,077
I'm going to have to
go backstage and sort this out.
382
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,395
Let go of my hand.
383
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,238
You. Ask Tim a question about the war.
384
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,910
- Piss!
- Ssh!
385
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,155
- Did you find him?
- No, not yet.
386
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,636
Oh, well, keep looking. Just shove him on
at the end when the music starts playing.
387
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:56,635
Everybody stealing from charity!
388
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,073
Hmm...
389
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,271
- No! No!
- Take off this shirt!
390
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:03,753
- It's my shirt!
- You're a thief!
391
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,313
Yeah.
392
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,032
So...
393
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,071
...Tim...
394
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,270
where did you serve in the war?
395
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:23,878
Er... behind a counter.
396
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:27,595
Yes, I... I was always rather worried that
there weren't going to be enough chairs
397
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,313
and... and, you know,
people would get cross.
398
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,316
What?
399
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,794
Not that many people
bought shoes in those days,
400
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,877
but, er... we were always
quite busy on Saturdays.
401
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,390
- You worked in a shoe shop?
- Yes, yes. Hmm.
402
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,352
- But you also served in the Army.
- Oh, no.
403
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,197
I wasn't allowed in the Army.
404
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,676
No, they said I was far too nervous
for all the guns.
405
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,358
Hmm.
406
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,198
I've spent about £400 on you!
407
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:08,355
Um...
408
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,359
Good morning, Mr Davies! Out for a walk?!
409
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,278
Sit down, please. It's all under control.
410
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:17,514
Sit down.
411
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,354
Sounds awful.
412
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:36,995
Yep.
413
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:40,312
What are we doing here?
414
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,669
I made a real mess of today, mate.
415
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,600
I suppose I just wanted
to do one thing right,
416
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,677
so I bumped into your wife
and she agreed to meet.
417
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,190
Look, I know you probably think
it's cos I want you out of the house,
418
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:54,389
but it isn't that.
419
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,477
I... I can just see you hurting, so...
420
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,831
Thank you, Dan.
421
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,391
Well done.
422
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,389
- Brian?
- That's not my wife.
423
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,512
- What? Who is it, then?
- No idea, but it's not my wife.
424
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,039
Shall we go home?
425
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:16,500
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