All language subtitles for Il medico della mutua (1968)eng

Out of the way please boys and girls.

Poor thing, who is it?

It's Dr Guido Tersilli,
he's a medico della mutua.

How did it happen? I planned
everything but I never expected this.

I suppose you're wondering why i'm
being dragged off in this ambulance too.

I guess it's because I...

Well it all started the day...

I went to join the mutua to
become a medico della mutua.

That day... oh, do you know
what a medico della mutua is?

Well you know what
socialized medicine is don't you?

And here in Italy we
have our own special version,

our system is called "la mutua".

And the medico della mutua is a
doctor who's in the racket... the system.

And of course
"mutuati" are the patients.

Anyway, that day there I was...

an eager young doctor about to become
part of this giant step in social progress

with its modern buildings,
full of modern offices...

full of modern people,
full of modern efficiency.

The magnificent "mutua".

- Where do I join up?
- How the hell should I know?

- Here you are.
- Please.

- Thank you. - Your application
is all in order doctor so later...

you'll just go down to the supply
office and get your prescription sheets.

Do you already have an office?

No, i'm still looking for
a good part of the city.

Well all areas have
their good and bad sides.

The real trouble is you
doctors are too damn many.

- Got any mutuati lined up?
- No.

Bad, a small practice
always costs more...

if the mut... I mean the doctor has to
get more mileage out of his patients...

charging for more visits and...

forcing them to be
sicker than they really are.

One of the little games, you know?

I'll be frank about it...

The mutua doesn't function like...

your friendly neighbourhood
cow that likes to get milk.

And it wasn't made for
starving young doctors...

to get their carbohydrates
and proteins from either.

- Get it?
- It's a good point?

You and the mutua
are serving as partners...

in a community effort and
that should be respected.

There's no room for
operators in this field.

The mutua is a social conquest and...

all of us must uphold
that conquest and defend it.

Ah, uphold, uphold.

No more visits than they need and...

no more writing prescriptions
unless it's an emergency.

Those are the golden principles
that should govern your work.

Boy do I love you.

- Just off the record mind if I
ask you, are you well off? - No.

Poor boy, I susupected as much,
you're the worst type there is.

If you had a little dough you
could make a start buying your mutuati.

There's some doctors around
willing to sell and many willing to buy.

You can find some good mutuati
for around one or two million lira.

You shouldn't have made medicine
your major without any money.

Like the proverbial saying...

having to start out scratching around
for clients ain't no bed of roses dear.

Dear!

He told me that getting them one by one
was, how did he say it, no bed of roses.

Hey, listen.

Teresa could come up with a few
mutuati, she's got a little money.

No, that's all going to be put into
a house when we get married mum.

Who the hell says
you're going to marry her?

- But we're engaged, she's
waited 6 years. - Don't be stupid.

You're a medico
della mutua now and...

you've got to devote
body and soul to your mutuati.

Say, how many mutuati would it take for
me to come out with a good yearly income?

- About 300.
- About 300 Teresa says.

300? What kind of an
income would that get?

Be a little more realistic Teresa,
at least 1,000 would be more like it.

But I only meant maybe
that'd be a good number to start.

I haven't sacrificed all these years
to put him through a medical school...

just to have a son with
the income of a bellhop!

But doctors don't get rich the way they
used to, there's too many for one thing.

I read in the paper that
today in Italia there are...

- more than twice as many practitioners
as a decade ago. - Oh you did did you?

Gimme gimme.

Did you read this though? This was
put out by the Italian dept of Health.

Well it was written in Italian!

Momma always did get carried
away when she read aloud.

177 billion plus 400 milion lira.

- Paid out to us medicos.
- She heard.

Well if you put it that way.

Well son, all systems
are go, let's get to work.

No, don't out that vase on the table.

Here's a streetmap of Rome.

I'll do it mamma,
give me a hand honey.

- What's going on?
- A plan that mamma's prepared.

Now this directory has an official
list of all the medicos with the mutua.

- Have a seat everyone.
- Sit down.

The thing is how to pick the right
area of the city to start your practice.

Simple, find out where the rest of
doctors are and set up somewhere else.

Get a pen Teresa, you can make
marks while I read of doctors names.

Here we are mamma, shall I start?

Pen ready...
Zone A, it's the Ardeatina.

That's it there.

Dr. Angiolini Achille,

Dr. Assani Lorenzo,

Dr. Attanasio Ercole,

Dr. Azzanichi Russo

The zone with the least number
of marks was Nuovo Salario.

And it was there that we
decided to launch our offensive.

It was a section inhabited mainly by...

labourers, office workers,
storekeepers and above all...

government employees.

The best quality mutuati there are.

The sign outside the building
was almost bigger than my office.

But thanks to Teresa,

who signed promissary notes
to the tune of half a million lira,

the office had everything on it.

Poor Teresa, for
years she sacrificed for me.

Her dream was to become the wife of a
doctor, better yet, a medica della mutua.

There they are, my future patients.

If, like mamma read, it's true and
there are 46 million citizens in Italy

eligible for free medical care...

then that means that out of every
100 that pass, 88 have somewhere...

in their pocket, their purse,
the back of their dresser drawer...

a little mutua booklet
and according to statistics...

the Italian welfare patient is the world's
most diligent visitor to doctor's offices

and without a doubt unmatched
in his consumption of prescriptions.

Medical welfare had become kind
of a game become doctor and patient...

and for me it was
important to get into that game.

Friends, Romans, countrymen,
let me take your pulses.

Dr Guido Tersilli, medico della mutua
is waiting for you and your ailments.

While I was waiting
for my first patient,

mamma was beating the
pavements of the neighbourhood...

on a tireless mission which
she liked to call "public relations".

What she told people I never found out
but i'm sure it was completely shameless.

- I say, do you have a mutua?
- I don't but my husband does.

Ah yes, then you must
remember this name, Dr Guido Tersilli.

If you're looking for a medico who's
"bravo" he's the "bravo-est" of them all...

and his first concern is with his
with us mutuati not the mutua.

In the afternoon, as soon as her office
closed, Teresa would go along to help.

- And the pizzeria,
have you hit that yet? - No.

Alright, we'll hit that one as a team.

I'll go in first,
you walk in 10 seconds later.

- We'll use plan 4, got it?
- Yes.

Oh senora,
what brings you over this way?

I came here because my doctor
has his new office in via Ottaviano ...

- Louder.
- Via Ottaviano Vimercati, 30!

Well we two seem to have
the same medico, Dr Guido Tersilli.

- I'd do anything he said.
- Sure, I would too...

He always makes you feel such confidence,
he really knows what he's doing.

And what's more he's so very handsome!

Having to visit a doctor
you don't like too much is...

always an unpleasant thing to
go through, especially for us women.

What's the name of this doctor?

What difference? We
have a medico that's fine.

Yeah but he's awfully old.

That's the point I was
getting at, but still good.

We have to be more careful how we talk.

It was poor strategy to stress the point
that Guido's an attractive young man.

Yes because handsome, I mean really
good looking handsome he's not.

Ah signora, what a pleasure to see
you up and around. A coffee please.

I'm awfully sorry I never dropped by,
I heard you were sick for quite a while.

Some days I felt as if the
world were coming to an end.

But wow that Dr Tersilli, my dear
the shots he gave were miracles.

I'm completely rejuvenated, a bundle of
energy, a frolicking filly in the field!

Excuse me signora but could you
tell me what these shots are?

In the evening mamma and I would
go to the local movie houses...

where the audiences, for the most
part, were made up of mutuati.

Attention please, Dr Guido Tersilli is
wanted on the telephone in the lobby.

- Here I go. - Just a minute
dear, wait till he repeats it.

Attention please, Dr Guido Tersilli is
wanted on the telephone in the lobby.

- It's urgent, I repeat...
- Go on, go on.

Excuse me.

I'm coming! Excuse me mamma.

It's me! I mean, i'm on my way!

My son can't even see a film
now without some patient calling.

That's what he gets for being good.

Hello, this is Dr Tersilli.

Yes, who am I speaking to?

Ah signora...

I did just like mamma said,
did I time it alright?

Tell her i've done all the chores.

Are you leaving now,
shall I wait down at the door?

Will you take me home or not?
I can catch a bus if you want.

Stay there and relax signora,
just keep her at home.

Babies are very susceptible
to unexpected temperature rises.

Sure, i'll be right over,
mustn't worry.

Come now, we doctors enjoy
performing our duties, arrivederci.

Thanks a lot.

Are you the manager? Thanks a lot.

Dr Tersilli, the local
medico della mutua.

We're neighbours you know,
my office is down the street.

Every afternoon from 3 to 7
I waited and waited and waited...

for someone to realise that
Dr Guido Tersilli existed.

My mother was always
quick to quote figures...

45 million mutuati in Italy,

177 billion lira to be divided
annualy among the doctors.

But I was beginning to wonder.
Finally, one afternoon...

Mamma, one's coming in.
No it's a her mamma.

Listen mamma, call me back
in 5 minutes will you.

Doctor, there's a lady here,
what shall I tell her?

Wait a minute, don't hang up yet.
Have her come in now.

- You can come in now signora.
- That's it, come on in.

Just take a seat.
Excuse me a minute senator...

Yes, continue the
applications every 2 or 3 hours.

Should the sensation keep up
just give me a ring and...

i'll try to come by later on tonight.

It's impossible to say when
with the crowd in my office.

Yes, you're really on the
mend, arrivederci senator.

Tell me signora.

Well now, I have the
mutua of Dr Cifiello.

- You know the one who has his
office on the corner? - No I don't.

Well his waiting room's
packed all day long.

- A change might be nice. - You've
settle with the mutua about being my...?

Oh no no, I haven't made up
my mind if I like you yet...

but if you want
i'll pay for the visit.

No, you have it all wrong.
I wasn't thinking about money signora.

You never know you see,
like maybe you're a madman or...

you might even make
a pass of some kind.

Tell me, what's wrong with you dear?

Oh poor you doctor, I have everything.

- Oh no I can't believe it, you look
so young! - You're silly you are.

Tell me, how old do you think I am?

- Er well...
- 32.

32 and do you know i've been
through 3 operatins already.

- As a baby, appendicitis
along with... - Peritonitis.

- The there were these stones..
- Kidney stones?

No, liver stones, but they left a pair
of scissors inside and operated again.

Oh really, but you look like
you're in the pink signora.

- Now Dr Cifiello says i've
got adhesions. - That's natural.

- Shall I take my clothes off?
- What are you doing?

Taking my clothes off.

It's not necessary but if you
want to I could always...

I must say, I never undress
in front of my husband...

but now i'm quite used to taking
my clothes off in front of doctors.

Do you feel any sort of pain
or what is it exactly?

Yes, I always have this weight in
my upper stomach like a watermelon.

- Before meals or after?
- Before, during, after, all the time.

Lie down signora.

- Oh the hat, should I?
- No no, wear it signora.

- Are you going to operate?
- No, I won't operate.

Excuse me signora.

Dr Tersilli's office.

Have you done her yet?
She's in the office right now?

Be careful how you treat her
so she'll stay our client...

and make her a nice prescription!

Oh my god, well if you're in
real agony i'll come have a look.

I'll try to be there around
6 o'clock, my respects signora.

It's so nice to see a doctor
actully willing to make a house call.

It's my duty.

- Dr Cifiello doesn't have
that opinion. - No? - No.

He says you go to the beautician,
you go to the tailor...

so woman you can damn
well come to the doctor.

You're a strong one.

That's a point of view a great
many of my colleagues have.

Doctor, do you think it's an ulcer?
You can tell me, i'm not afraid.

I've already had 3 operations and
I don't mind having another one.

Because whenever I have
another piece taken out I...

I feel that much lighter.

No, I don't think it's an ulcer.

More likely i'd say you have
a nervous twitch in the colon.

Dr Cifiello's of a different opinion.

It's a lack of tone he said.

- Were you given an ECG
by Dr Cifiello? - No.

What made him think
you lacked tone then?

Inhale.

In fact your rhythm does
sound a wee bit altered signora.

Now sit up.

- Also over here there's
always this ache. - Show me.

Over the right sort of...
do you think it's the kidney?

Let's see a minute.

- Feel pain?
- When I giggle.

- Have you had a urine sample taken?
- Yeah, a couple of weeks ago.

- And the result? - Nothing
according to Dr Cifiello.

And i'm always going prickly as if
these big ants are coming up my legs.

And the more I think about it
the more I think i've had it!

That has to do with
your circulation signora.

That's what I said, i've
always had low blood pressure.

- Tell me now dear, how low is it?
- Just a minute.

- 120 signora. - It should be
about 140 at least 130.

Who said so?
Better low than high no?

- You can get dressed now signora.
- Thank you that was marvellous.

Say I chose you as my new doctor, would
you write me out a thing for my husband?

A prescription? Certainly signora.

And I always seem to be out of cotton...

and I do need gauze and iodone...

and pills for my throat and
nose drops, ear drops, eye drops,

hydrogen peroxide and corn removers.

- Two lemons and a kilo of potatoes.
- How sympathetic you are.

Please don't get it into your head that
I haven't any shame it's just that...

some doctors are inclined to serve...

the interest of the mutua
rather than the mutuati.

No signora, i'm just the opposite.
To my mind the mutuati are sacred.

- What a pretty sight.
- Yes, eye drops, gauze.

Do I have to pay anything?

Nothing signora, naturally
i'd like you for my mutuati.

- I'll speak to my husband.
- Your husband.

But I know you're going to
have loads of mutuati because...

you're proud and intelligent.

Thank you signora, thank you
for coming, come again soon.

Mamma, she left a couple of minutes ago.

Sure she'll return,
if only you could've seen.

She's a patient of Dr Cifiello.

Who knows, somebody in the neighbourhood,
there's offices near here...

but the man has lots of mutuati.

Dr Cifiello.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Do you have an appointment?
- No.

The doctor's very sorry but he can't
see you unless you have an appointment.

Then it stands to reason that
everyone here has an appointment?

Naturally.

- Then why are they being kept waiting?
- What do you mean by that?

It seems to me that this Dr Tersilli...

doesn't have much respect
when it comes to his mutuati.

Tersilli? I don't know
who you're talking about.

You're in the wrong place signora,
this is Dr Cifiello's office.

My apologies, I
might've guessed because...

everyone I talked to raved
about Dr Guido Tersilli.

Oh then why don't you
just leave signora.

Oh I will, i'm leaving now,
just as quick as I can.

But before I do i'll have you
know the way you're doctor has...

some patients stand around all
day when they have a right to...

get treated like anyone else is
disgusting, shameful and disrespectful!

You got the idea because
we're nothing but mutuati and...

don't happen to pay
cash that you can just...

push us around like
some lousy herd of cattle.

It will always remain a
great mystery to me how...

any patient could possibly
survive a trip in an ambulance.

When they took me out I realised
they'd brought me to San Servolo...

an old hospital where I knew
everyone and where everyone knew me.

In fact, it was right here at San
Servolo that several years before...

i'd applied for a position
as a volunteer assistant.

That means unpaid, but I didn't mind.

To me the important thing was to have a
title to stick onto the end of my name.

People have more confidence in a doctor
when they know he works in a hospital.

They think he's better,
at the time so did I.

No no, wait a second fella,
there's no parking in that area.

There isn't?
What about these?

Those cars belong to the
medical staff of the hospital.

Ah, well you're looking
at one of those doctors.

- You're a doctor here?
- Yes.

Since when?

Ever since the mail came.

- Here.
- Go right in doctor.

I hope you're happy.

I tried out all the hospitals and
clinics but in the end I chose...

San Servolo becuase it
specialised in caring for the aged.

The patients were generally
on their last legs but...

they had masses of children,
grandchildren and great-grandchildren...

and I was hoping these masses would make
for good hunting, for mutuati of course.

- My name's Dr Guido Tersilli.
- Dr Bilini, head assistant.

I was notified I got accepted.

Gentlemen, Dr Guido Tersilli,
our new volunteer assistant.

- Zeccone, chief AV
- A pleasure.

Piselli, volunteer assistant.
- Tersilli.

- Drufo, volunteer assistant.
- My pleasure.

- Mistico, volunteer assistant.
- Tersilli.

- Lampredi, volunteer assistant.
- Tersilli.

- Sandolini, volunteer assistant.
- Pleasure.

Come on, i'll present you to the boss.

- Never seen him.
- Beady eyes.

He has a lean and hungry look.

That's what I mean about
those eyes, real beady.

I see your curriculum
is quite varied doctor.

- That's quite a few hospitals. - A
doctor can never stop learning professor.

Sure, you never stop
learning in this business.

- I see you were recently assistant
volunteer to Prof Lazzarini. - Yes sir.

What brings you over here then?

Prof Lazzarini is one of
the giants of science.

Yes i'd heard that too only I was
disappointed by that giant because...

for me Prof Lazzarini
was always behind a wall.

A wall?!

Yes, a wall of white smocks to say
nothing of all the resident physicians,

assistant volunteers, interns,
nurses and nurses aides.

On top of all that never heard one
diagnosis, one clinical discussion...

one lesson in theraputics that didn't
go on and on about your fame Prof.

Oh, let's just forget it.

I'm me and Lazzarini is Lazzarini
and that's all there is to it.

- Between you and me doctor...
- Tersilli, please.

- There will never be a wall
of white smocks. - Wonderful.

Here we're all a happy little family.

I look on the profession as
if it were a mission doctor...

unfortunately today there
a great many medical men who...

excerise the profession as
if it were any old business.

The cause of it? It's the mutua.

It's a vicious monster, it smothers
doctors under a vast impersonal system.

And the result? They work
towards quantity and not quality.

It's easy for him to talk,
he picks up 30 bills a visit.

I imagine Tersilli you've already
began your hunt for mutuati?

Mutuati, professor I really
don't know what they are.

In my humble opinion all men are
entitled to equal treatment...

no matter if they're filthy
rich or poverty stricken.

- No matter if they're
property owners or... - Fine.

Bravo, I sympathise with you Tersilli.

Here's an example you should all
keep your eye on, a real missionary.

Bonjourno, bonjourno,
how are you sister Pasqualina?

- Grandpa, how are you?
- Getting better but I can't smell.

Ooh la la, antispastics.

Bronchial pneumonia, very good indication
of response to penicillin and...

- Put him on Strofatine.
- Right Prof, already ordered.

You'll smoke it yourself later!

- Can I have your autograph Mr Servi.
- Do I really look like...

You've made a mistake, this is
Guido Tersilli one of new assistants.

But you'll find him in smocks,
he's part of the family now.

A divine man, so
professional and so dedicated.

I can't remember any of the others
working the hours he puts in.

The patients are wild about him, he's
so warm and human it's a joy to see.

He's a devout man too...

Every morning before he makes his
rounds he goes to the chapel and prays.

Last Friday he brought
along his mom and fiancee.

If only the others could be that way.

I often wonder how we could
help him, he sure needs it.

He told me the other day that his pa was
killed when he was still a baby and...

it was his ma that slaved away to
get him as far as he's gotten.

What do you suppose we could do?

Give him a good build up to any...

outpatients and visitors
who might have a mutua.

It happens to be forbidden and
you know it aswell as me sister.

The Pope didn't say anything and he
has more sway than any hospital board.

I want a new doctor because the
other one plays filthy tricks.

Filthy tricks, are you
sure we're not exaggerating?

Not so, he's a real son of a bitch.

Alright tell me then, what
did Dr "Sonofabitch" do to you?

You don't believe me eh?
You think I got a screw loose?

I'm not a mechanic,
i'm a doctor, a medico...

I help sick people get well again.

And to begin with I want to
give you a little examination.

Take over your overalls and get on
the couch, you can keep your hat on.

- So what is it exactly?
- It's the flour doctor.

- What? - Peanut butter meringues
and pineapple turnovers...

They've really got it in for me.

- You're being chased by these pastries?
- No, right there in front of me.

- How often does this sort
of thing happen? - Every day.

I just can't stand it anymore,
i'm smothered in flour.

All this caramel and rum,
that's a baker's life for you.

Now I see.

You should've said you're
a baker, you had me worried.

Yeah, I bake all day.

Sometimes I think
the doctors' after me.

They don't believe it, and
before I know what he's said...

he's telling other people there,
he keeps saying "Fine son, fine".

And he keeps telling me
i'm gonna be all better.

This nurse brings in two more rounds
and they put me in the nuthouse!

- Senor Pepperello.
- Luigi, Luigo Pepperello.

With so many doctors here in Rome
what made you decide to chose me?

I've already been to
everyone except you!

Why this great turn around?

I've been in this cast a year now
because I fell down one day on a job...

and my boss says he can't get
the company insurance to say...

I was asleep when I got hurt so I
go to my regular doc and he says...

That you've got to get
the company to do it.

So i've been to all the medicos
in Rome in the last 6 months...

but no one will help me,
that's the mutua for you.

In the end I even saw two vets
but they said i'm not a dog...

so why does everybody
treat me like one?!

You have my sympathy but
the mutua's very strict.

My mother-in-law bought a pickaxe
so she could break me out.

What do you mean your
mother-in-law, it'd be murder.

You mean i've got to
stay in this till I rot?

- You've already signed up
as my new patient? - Yes sir.

Not so fast there,
you know how to handle that?

Better than your mother-in-law.

Top of the morning to you.
I was a prisoner of war in Ireland.

A person would think
you were born there.

I'm sorry but I can't
shake your hand, hygeine.

- Ron Marco, I want you know we're an
important family. - How nice for you.

Sit down please,
i'll be right with you.

Here, this one, this is my side.

Have you officially
signed up with me yet?

No no, we'd better
make a contract first.

We have to make a contract, what for?

Doctor Costanzi, buried just last
week, used to give me 30% off.

Your doctor gave you
30%, just like that?

- Yes.
- Why?

- Come on, over here.
- This is my side... oh alright.

Now look at that.

All of my own work.

- And your wife?
- She was there...

Then there's the brother, his wife,
the mother-in-law and 2 cousins.

Sixteen patients all with the mutua.

Now if you add up house
calls and us coming to you...

you can count on 20 to 25 visits a month
and in the winter you can double it.

- That's a pretty good average eh?
- What the devil made you pick me?

You can thank sister Pasqualina,
I gave her my blood at San Servolo.

- 2,000 liras a quart.
- Oh yes, a pint.

- You wanna meet the kids?
- Have them come in, why not.

Guilio, Christina,
all of you, come on up.

You see that,
they do what they're told.

Yes they do now get back on your side.

What kind of work are you in?

Ooh la la, you're a
man of the world doc...

you mean to say that with such a flock
a poor father like me has time to work?

Naturally, mind my asking
how come you have the mutua?

I don't, it's my old lady,
it's a lot better that way.

I draw a little now and
then for war injuries.

My wife works in the market,
when she's not working on my account.

- Legit?
- Absolutely.

- Here they are.
- Come on in, he won't bite.

Come on in, they
look like little mice.

Show the doctor how
well you speak Italian.

- Hello doctor. - Hello children,
just take it easy Tersilli.

That's quite a batch you've
got there, how's their health.

There's possibilities galore doctor.

Too late with the big ones, they've
already lost their adenoids and tonsils.

All of this territory is
virgin and what's more...

you can always be sure of a
couple of stitch wounds a month.

Listen, you lost me there.

You mean to say you've never
studied the mutua's little handbook?

- Why don't you explain it.
- Alright, stitches, article 2.

Say you've got upto
2 stitches to put in...

no matter whether it's
in the office or outside...

you get the basic 1,800 lira...

if you have to give 3 stitches
or more you're operating...

in which case you have the right
to collect the maximum fee...

which is 4,765 lira.

- Ah, you sure study the mutua!
- It's my hobby doctor.

Anyway, finances are my business.

You'll find out with
us you'll have it made...

perhaps we are poor
but we are very honest.

- What's more, me and the woman,
we haven't even begun yet. - No?

- Say, what street am I on?
- You're out by the aquaduct.

Out in the aquaduct more like!

- Anita Fagottoni?
- Present.

Nice that you're present.

- Hello. - At last, you sure took
long enough to get over here.

I've never been out here before...

I thought i'd stop and
do a bit of sightseeing.

Never mind.

- Well, where's the patient?
- That's him.

- This one?
- That one.

- What's he got? - I don't know,
little son-of-a-bitch won't eat.

You mean you made me come
all the way out here, 23km...

because you can't get a
son-of-a-bitch to eat?

Well who sohuld I call, a plumber?

Couldn't you bring the kid
to my office tomorrow morning?

- You're the one with a car ain't you?
- A car she says, i've got a Lambretta.

Well we ain't even got a skateboard.

Then you don't have any
parking problems do you?!

Alright, let's take a look at
our sick little son-of-a-b...oy.

Kid, you like watching tv?

Let's get rid of that and that,
now let's have a look at your tongue.

The best thing for him is a
good flushing out signora.

- You're having pasta tonight?
- Yeah, like every damn night.

What's that there?

It's nothing much, the finger
just got caught in the can opener.

It doesn't hurt.

- The finger might be infected.
- Ah come on, it's nothing.

Better let me tell you that.

- That's much too deep a wound.
- Yeah? How you gonna fix it?

- Sow it up. - You don't
mean put in a stitch?

- No, 3's more like it.
- You're gonna put 3 in?!

- What's that yelling?
- Mamma.

- Now who's she giving it to? - No,
doc's giving it to her, 3 stitches.

- In her mouth?
- No, her finger.

Now Teresa, you sign here under me.

If you'll excuse me
i'll go get the papers.

Thanks angel but we
could've waited a bit longer...

But the minute you want
something there's no arguing.

I simply refuse to let you get
soaked on your house calls.

You're so good to me
sweetheart but really...

committing yourself for
my car over 3 years.

But it's only a small way to help you
get started and the sooner the better...

because then...
I won't say anything else.

Our future, i'm thinking about it
just as much as you are sweetheart.

Lord and Lady Medico Della Mutua.

- Car's registered in your name right?
- Yes, Doctor Guido Tersilli.

- Here you are, car registration
and keys. - Thank you.

These are yours I believe.

- May I have the car?
- It's all yours.

Oh my, oh boy,
did you hear that Teresa?

You get in that side,
this is my side.

- Does someone have to push?
- Of course.

- How about picking up mamma?
- If you must, of course.

Nah, no mothers or
patients, we'll go out alone...

- The two of us for the whole evening,
how's that? - Alright, let's go.

Maybe you should get more cash
clients, you only have...

The man in the bar around the corner eh?

- You know having them around is
a real pain in the neck. - Why?

They complain, you have
trouble collecting from them...

they're a waste of time, you have to
explain exactly what's the matter...

they want a complete analysis
of what you've prescribed.

The mutuati though is a
matter of production line.

You just put your
stamp in his booklet...

talk a little Greek and
sling a couple of pills at them.

In the time it takes me to dispose of
just one payer I can assist ten mutuati.

Tersilli, telephone for you.

- Did you say I was around?
- Of course.

No no, say i've gone, i've left.

- Alright doctor but the party says
it's an emergency. - Yeah, they all do.

Say i've left for the Virgin Islands.

I find it embarrassing the way your
mother calls no matter where you are.

Why did you have to
tell her we were here?

I didn't, she guessed, we come
here practically every night.

If she keeps on like this she's
gonna make you look ridiculous.

She's a performer, she can't
help it, what am I gonna do?

It's become like a mania...

last week she telephoned St Peter's,
the Pope called me for pulpit.

Ok doctor, she said it was urgent
but I told her you weren't here.

Good, we can finish the
meal, the chops are great.

Some of the things you have
to listen to these days...

is enough to make
you lose your appetite.

You want progress
and what do you get...

a suffering patient
who's probably about to die.

Call the doctor for
help and what does he do?

He sits there with his little
lady stuffing his face with mutton.

You mean to tell me that's a lady
with a sugarfaced puss like that?

Bitch, i'll bust her right in the
mouth if she says one more...

No, just forget they exist, act
as if you haven't heard anything.

Well it's nice to know we
don't have to worry about that.

You should worry more
about the undertaker.

Up yours!

Well it's about time, where
in the world have you been?

Out to dinner with Teresa.

- Where did you eat?
- At the usual restaurant.

No, I called and they
said you weren't there.

I told them to say that,
blimey you call me everywhere mamma.

Blimey nothing, this call happens to
be the real mccoy, you're 2 hours late.

You mean I have a call?

Of course, they couldn't get
their own doctor, go on.

- Yes yes. - Get a move on,
speed if you have to... and hurry.

- Mamma?
- Get going.

Aren't you going to say anything?
How d'you like my new Fiat?

A 600, even John Fonseca has a Coupe.

Yeah but he's no medico della
mutua, besides, he stole his!

Doctor, up here, all the way.

Right signora, all the way, yes.

I'll feel so bad about this but I
just couldn't find our own doctor.

- Come on in. - Don't worry,
i'm used to late night calls.

I'm so glad, you see my husband is
going through one of his attacks.

Well let's have a look.

- Pietro, the doctor's here, you
happy now? - Yes i'm here Pietro.

Doctor Sunshine!

- Careful, there's a step.
- Yes I saw it, thank you.

Well now, how are we feeling?

I bit better thank you.

Bravo! He just seems a
bit overexcited, that's all.

- But not about me.
- Eh, yes.

That's good, just keep breathing.

- I'll live I feel.
- You can say that again.

- Let's listen to your heartbeat.
- Go ahead, listen.

- Would you open up his pyjamas?
- Yes.

And the undershirt, pull it up.

Don't tickle.

- That's it, relax.
- You're so good.

Well you do have a slight irregularity.

- Double systolic, I know.
- Good show!

Now forward, let's do this
side, up with his pyjamas.

- You can use this.
- Thanks.

- Watch out you don't swallow it.
- Sadist you!

- Are you listening?
- I'm trying to, shut up!

- Examining the lungs?
- Yes.

Both, yes.

- It's shortness of breath.
- I knew that before.

- Yes and how old is he?
- 28 doctor.

- Blood pressure? - No pressure
doctor, no pressure at all.

There he goes.

How long has he been
getting these attacks?

Around 8 years, it began a
month after we got married.

You might say i'm out of my mind only
I think maybe it's an allergy to me.

Still, Dr Drufo's shots haven't improved
his condition in the slightest.

Dr Drufo you say?

- Do you know each other?
- Yes, vaguely.

- He's beautiful manners.
- He's a total ass.

That's Drufo!

Now then, do you recall the kind
of injections that he used to give?

It's sort of a fuschia colour.

- It was vitamin E.
- It was vitamin E?

- Vitamin E, yes.
- That's perfect, don't go away.

I love to give injections.

There we are, bottoms up.

- Ahh.
- Vitamin E.

- Now be careful.
- Sure I will.

I won't hurt you.

- Not too bad huh?
- It's bloody marvellous!

Have you got the mutua?

Oh yes doctor but since we're not
with you you should have your fee.

Nothing, nothing. Just stay calm,
you'll feel a lot better.

Marianne, show the
doctor the latest x-rays.

I'm quite sure they show a slight
insufficiency on the right.

By the way, your injection was very
good, I must get you one one day.

Now here we are, take
a look at this doctor.

This is an x-ray of both of my lungs
and I want you to look at the right one.

- Yes yes yes.
- What yes yes? Not that.

What you're looking at marks the
calcification of an old plural lesion...

What you should look at is the
thickening of these bronchiols...

All the clinical tests indicate the
same sort of abnormality analyses...

I'm pretty sure i've
got a tubercular patch...

that is, an apical sulcus.

- Marianne.
- Apical sulcus.

The problem is its expansion.

Look at what's going on inside me...

Lepresey, polio, lumbago,
cancer, thrombosis...

- what was the name of that one from
Timbuktu? - Drooping cough darling.

- It's obvious you're a doctor.
- Did you hear? Ooooh!

He's not but he reads the...

encyclopaedia of medicine
every night to help him sleep.

- Ah.
- Ah huh.

Oh what a wonderful visit, the
best consultation i've ever had.

I'm going to sleep like a log tonight.

You should be in the profession Pietro.

Yes, it's much more
fun being a patient!

Goodnight.

What do I owe you doctor?

Nothing signora,
it was a great pleasure.

But in case you're
thinking about switching...

I have thought about it, getting
Dr Drufo to come is such a bother.

That's nice to hear...

Let me give you my card right
now, there's my name and office.

As for your husband, there's no
real need for you to be worried...

His problem is he's a hyperchondriac,
he doesn't want to get well.

And while the mutua is paying the
bills he can afford to play ill.

Playing the nurse isn't much fun,
I feel pretty bad myself.

It's fatigue, it's quite normal.

After a good sleep you feel...

I would if only I didn't have a pain...
like a big big weight here.

See why I got his big weight?

I do, I see your point but
this isn't quite the right...

Bring them by the
office will you please.

Tersilli?

- Who is it?
- The doctor signora, Dr Drufo.

Oh i'm sorry, you're too late,
my husband's sleeping now.

Yes, I get you.

You think you can
steal my clients do you?

How are you fink?
You could kick the bucket any day.

Go ahead.

Fundamentally, rhythm
disturbed by occasional...

extra systolic ventricular metamorphide.
No coronary insufficiency indicated.

How disappointing.

- What did you say?
- Er, nothing, just joking.

Professor go ahead,
say it, i'm ready.

- You can tell me what's wrong.
- You're alright.

- You can tell me truthfully.
- Tersilli I wouldn't tell you a lie.

You've just got an overworked heart.

Well i'm not at all surprised.

No doubt about it,
it's an extra systolic rhythm.

- What about starting therapy?
- Maybe a bit of espartarina.

- Fine, hear what he said son?
- Yes I heard, thank you professor.

- Don't you worry, you're in the
best of hands. - Yes, the very best.

So your heart proved to
be basically normal.

It's a simple case, but
an alarm bell's an alarm bell.

- Yes professor.
- Right where there'd be medals.

Dirty, fake, thief, liar...

'Pronto soccorso',
yes it means 'First Aid'...

and I thought I was
going to need it...

the first time the rest of the happy
family caught me outside the hospital.

Drufo was the maddest, I guess he
never forgave me for taking Pietro...

good for 3 night calls a
week, not to mention his wife.

Mistico found my
card dropping unethical...

while Zeccone about
my use of politics.

Lampredi had nothing to
contribute except vague threats.

Still, I was out for success not
for popluarity with my colleagues...

that is, with my junior colleagues.

It was then I learned about Bui.

- Well doc, it could've been
a lot worse. - I guess so.

Last year when old
Dr Bui found out that...

Dr Mistico was fooling around with
his mutuati he slapped him around.

Oh yeah, who is this Bui?

He was assistant to Bovolli
in place of Dr Bilini.

He just had too many mutuati.

I always said to him you're
working yourself to death.

"The best way of keeping fit",
he always said to me.

- Why isn't he here now then?
- Because I was right, he's dying.

Dr Bui is temporarily indisposed,

will all patients please
see Dr Ernesto Piselli,

24 Via Anselmo Lucari, telephone 539611.

Good evening, i'm Dr Tersilli,
i'd like to see Dr Bui.

Come in, i'll see if you can.

Here, let me have your coat.

- Make youself at home.
- May I?

Thank you.

How do you do, i'm signora Bui?

Good evening signora Bui,
i'm Dr Guido Tersilli.

I don't think we know
each other do we doctor?

I've just arrived from San Servolo,
an assistant to Prof Verdozi.

I've heard a lot
about your husband and...

I thought it only right I wish
the doctor a very speedy recovery.

- How nice, come in.
- Thank you signora.

You know it's amazing actually...

each day at least one of
you arrives to give solace.

- Please sit down.
- Thank you.

- Is he any better?
- Who, my husband?

I guess he's comfortable in his
waiting, there's just no hope that's all.

- Who is his doctor? - Well shall we say
about everyone of Dr Bui's colleagues.

They've been coming here regularly
and once the top man visited.

- Amazing, and his diagnosis?
- He confirmed what the others said.

It isn't a difficult case, they're
seeing to it that death comes easy.

Amelia?

- That's my husband,
would you like to...

I'd be delighted, with pleasure, yes.

- Amelia.
- Here I am darling.

- Fix my injection will you.
- Don't worry dear.

Can I do it?

- Who's here with you?
- Dr Ter...

It's Dr Tersilli who's
over at San Servolo.

He wishes you a quick recovery.

Oh my God, another vulture.

Amelia, I wish you'd
keep them away from me...

let them have all my patients
but let me die in peace.

Your colleagues are worried about you.

I find them revolting Amelia.

Waiting expectantly hour
upon hour until i'm dead.

Don't talk nonsense,
pray for your soul.

- Pray, it's the only way now.
- Yes.

- Hail Mary, mother of grace
- Hail mary.

The Lord is with the,

Blessed art thou among women and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb.

Jesus, holy Mary, mother of God...

He would suffer a lot more, poor thing,
if it weren't for you dear lady.

It is a burden, that's true, for
such a man to be cut down like that...

but, after all, a woman
learns to cope with things.

I'm sorry I didn't have
the chance to know him before.

He didn't have much
of a social life...

he'd telephone a
colleague once in a month...

never belonged to a
social club or anything.

His work was the only
woman he paid tribute to...

he was completely true to her.

- He worked both day and night.
- He won the trust of all his mutuati.

- You know how many he has?
- No, i've no idea signora.

- I would've thought
they'd have told you. - No.

He has about 2,300.

They're now under
the care of Dr Piselli.

Yes I knew that,
i'm a colleague of Dr Piselli.

Don't you find him strange?
I do, I think he's most peculiar.

he's happy with private
patients and his hospital pay...

he doesn't bother with mutuati.

- And you?
- I what?

- You bother with mutuati?
- Yes...

Because I love work,
because I am a serious doctor.

- Do you have any now?
- Well, only 40 at the moment...

You see I only qualified
for the mutua this year signora.

It's hard to build
a clientele isn't it?

It took Dr Bui 8 long years
before he built up his mutuati.

Although in those days the
competition wasn't so strong.

- Here.
- Thank you.

I think that nowadays it's quite
impossible to acquire mutuati.

Make like welfare patients
with a tight hole don't they?

- It'll be a lucky doctor who inherits
my husband's mutuati. - I'll say!

I guess they'll go to
Zeccone and Drufo, won't they?

- And they've already got a lot.
- Depends I think on me.

Don't forget doctor, we are married.

- Do you have children?
- No.

Tell me about the outside world...

what's gone on out there
since i've been locked up here.

Same old thing, you watch TV or go to a
restaurant or the cinema or a ball game.

As a girl I was just
wild about Mozart...

as a married woman I haven't had
a chance to go to one concert.

I've oftent thought how marvellous
it'd be to go to a live concert.

- You didn't have a chance?
- I'd like to very much.

I'm a sucker for a symphony but...

possibilities to do something like that
as a youth were few and far between.

My family was very poor you know.

But I must do it,
the sooner the better.

A lovely dream but too late for me.

It's not too late
signora, that's not true.

You're so youthful,
like a May rose.

Alas, who knows when
this jail term will end.

- I'm sorry, I don't want to
appear... - I fully understand.

You shouldn't feel bad, your
husband can't possibly recover now.

Just last Monday I thought he
was finished but... he recovered.

Some illnesses fluctuate.

It's hopeless,
I can assure you signora.

- You seem so understanding.
- I want to be understanding.

- I have to go signora, may I call
again? - To visit the doctor?

To visit you.

Call whenever you wish,
it'd be my pleasure.

Your colleagues only come to see him.

Signora, don't say anything to my
colleagues regarding this visit.

Why, didn't they
send you over here?

The truth is, it was an impulse.

You're very sharp doctor,
a very sharp man!

Thank you.

Tersilli you listen
to me you bastard...

If you get ahold of Bui's
old mutua and you've had it.

Bui's patients are
no concern of yours.

Those mutuati are ours so
just keep your hands to yourself.

Maybe they are, the fact
remains i'm working here aswell.

Did to hear that?

What are you trying to do,
convince everybody they're yours...

expect those patients to
come running just like that?

We should've divided them
up and forgot about it...

it was stupid of us
to give them to Piselli.

Bui's alive, there's hope.

Of course he's alive but there isn't
a chance in a million of recovery.

What difference does that make Drufo?
As long as he's alive they're his.

Don't be silly, we
couldn't have divided them up.

But someone else could've had them
instead of that ignorant foolish Piselli.

You handed them to Piselli because
you were afraid to trust anyone.

- You could've trusted me.
- Is that so?

You may be trustworthy but medicine
is one thing, murder is another.

- Bonjourno Prof.
- Bonjourno Prof.

- Good morning professor.
- Bonjourno.

My wife enjoyed that pretty bouquet...

thank you for thinking
of us on our anniversary.

You were the only one.

Bootlicker!

I hear some of the doctors are planning
a strike, I hope this isn't true.

It's demeaning to the medical
profession, demeaning and unjust!

We're sorry Prof but
what can we do about it?

Does it seem right that...

for a visit to an outpatient
clinic a doctor recieves 326 lira?

That's what a haircut costs!

Some doctors have thousands
of mutuati, others none...

- What's that got to do with it?
- It has plenty to do with it.

There should be an
established limit for mutuati.

What are you saying?
A good doctor has patients.

That's what you're saying, isn't it?

But doctors who have too many mutuati
reduce the profession to a farce.

You know who I mean. There are
doctors seeing 100 patients every day.

How about you Mistico,
haven't you ever wanted some?

Yes but within reason, I can't possibly
treat 100 cases a day, nobody can.

My opinion is the competition's
the basis of the profession.

We signed up for something in
the way of socialised medicine...

all I know is it seems
to work in some countries.

Great, and we'll all get paid the same
wages like a bunch of civil servants.

Well what's wrong with that?

College professors aren't paid
on the number of students.

Don't tell me a college professor's
job is on the level with ours.

There isn't any comparison.

I would never have thought
that the unrecalling of...

Hippocrates, Galen and Vesalius
could be dragged down to this.

It's the welfare system that's
the root of our unrest gentlemen,

it is the mutua, abolish the mutua
and the medical profession is safe.

Well spoken professor but it's
very hard to find paying patients...

- They've all just disappered.
- Till the next epidemic.

Doctors continued agitating at
the medico mutua today in Italy...

for increases in their medical fees.

The committee handling
today's negotiations for...

the doctors proclaimed the
beginning of a general strike tomorrow.

Doctors sympathetic to the mutua cause
will put indirect assistance into action.

What is this indirect assistance?

Starting tomorrow mutuati must pay...

a basic 1,000 for a
visit to the medical studio...

and 1,500 for visits at home.

The doctor must risk getting
reimbursed by the mutua.

If they won't pay, if they
find excuses for no payment...?

There's no possibility of losing
mutuati, the doctors are united.

The committee provided sanctions
and disciplinary action for...

doctors not respecting our strike.

I hope you're right with all my
heart but i'm not sure of it.

I know about of doctors...

they'd be very prone to walk
over their mother graves if...

they could screw a colleague.

Enjoy it while you can, you
won't get many nights like this.

You'll be sorry when you
have to work like a fool.

- I await the hour I can work like
a fool. - Dr Bui was insatiable.

- And I would certainly be too. - And
you're so very young and full of energy.

You know the life of a doctor's
wife is hard for a woman.

I've already tried it.

Would you repeat it if
you had another chance?

You think i'm crazy...
I would adore it.

You know, with your experience you would
make a marvellous wife for some doctor.

This time i've been thinking
seriously about changing careers.

You can't be serious
about quitting medicine?

- I might find commerce good.
- Well I can't imagine that.

Yes I know, it is a step
down in the social ladder...

that's why i'm so
uncertain about my future.

It's difficult to explain it right now.

Pity though, your patient roster
of mutuati is a very enviable one...

- They'll disperse to...
- You'll get some, i'm sure of that.

- No, not very likely.
- Why not?

Because they decided that I
had no right to any of them.

- That's my decision!
- Brava!

- Don't I figure at all? - Yes, but
give up medicine and you won't anymore.

I haven't said yet that
i'll give up medicine.

You must excuse me, I just can
see you as a businesswoman...

that's all, no
matter how hard it is.

Please doctor, there's
no need to tell me that.

I've been repeating to
myself for months now.

But let's face it, if he had plenty
of sick patients and pumped them dry...

he wouldn't be able to find the time
to see that his wife isn't neglected.

Well that's reasonable logic.

Remember though, i'm not
sweet sixteen anymore...

I want to have a ball before
it's too late to play again.

- Amelia, your playground'll last
years. - I'm without illusions Guido.

- Amelia...
- Yes doctor?

I'm falling in love with you darling.

You know i'm not a
young girl anymore Guido.

So what if you're not?!

I bet you haven't changed a bit
since you were a little girl.

I haven't, I was only
a wee bit thinner.

- I must have you.
- Not now Guido, we'd better not.

- Now I must think. - Think of the
mutuati, it's big capital you know.

Amelia?

- He's awake.
- Don't pay any attention.

Amelia?

- He might hear us. - No dear,
calm down, you know he can't move.

Amelia, what are you doing?!

- He asked what are you doing?
- No, he asked where are you?

- It's better you go.
- Yes and don't you move an inch.

I'll be back in a sec.

Had to have another injection,
don't know where to give it anymore.

- We've simply got to get the
mutuati back from Piselli. - Yes.

I want you to substitute for
my husband before he goes...

otherwise everything's lost.

Amelia, how are you going to
convince your husband to nominate me?

Don't worry, he'll do whatever I ask.

- And besides... you're the best.
- D'you think?!

- Do you love me Guido?
- You know I do.

- There are too many of these mutuati.
- Don't worry darling.

- I wouldn't want you to neglect me.
- How could you even think it?

Of course with 2,300 mutuati
you can make a lot hey?

Especially with the strike,
you might even get a raise in pay.

You mean an average of 1 million 2
or even more, 1 million 5 a month.

Mamma, a beautiful sum
but Amelia's kinda ugly.

You might not have to marry her.

I'm sure she thinks of
nothing else in the world.

Forget what she thinks...

just so she convinces her husband
to nominate you in place of Piselli.

- And Teresa, what about her?
- What's she got to do with it?

- I've a feeling she suspects.
- I won't even answer you!

You never give me answers.

I hope it works.

- Good night Mamma.
- Good night son.

Good morning.

Ah it's you Teresa.

Ah now, no one.

Yes but I don't think so.

Look, either everyone's enjoying
good health all of a sudden...

or we at the mutua invented
all their complaints.

What can I say?
Let's hope for the best.

What's that?

I've no idea what i'm doing tonight,
Teresa my dear, have a little patience.

Yes of course i'll see
you but I don't know when.

Sorry Teresa there's someone at
the door, I have to go now, ciao.

Oh it's you, yeah so?

The pharmacies are all deserted.

I checked out the
dispensary at Dr Cifiello's...

- No mutuati, only paying patients.
- Who says they're paying?

That Cifiello? What if it's a scam?

I spoke to the porters at
Dr Silvestri and Dr Alvenzi's...

Not one mutuati to be seen.

- May I go doctor?
- Go where?

As there ain't no friggin' work...

that's our father's expression,
what's keeping me here?

What else did your pa say?

He says if you have to give
money to a medico della mutua...

then it's better to pay a higher
price to a real legitimate physician.

Ah, and you wouldn't consider
me a legitimate physician?

No, I only told you what my father said.

- I'm glad, alright,
go home to papa. - Ciao.

Good morning.

Ah, it's you darling.

No dear, no one.

Well what can I say?

It seems, in one day,
we doctors have become useless.

I've had nothign but phonecalls from my
colleagues, complaints that wouldn't stop.

Did you speak to your husband?

Amelia, I don't mean to insist but...

what if your husband turns you down?

No no darling, I know you're mad about
me, though you must understand...

with your husband's condition
we can hope he'll soon...

No, not just because of me.

You must know how I suffer for
you, prisoner in that house...

emptying bedpans when you should be out,
living the way you really deserve.

Look my love,

try to convince him to sign a letter
right away or it could be too late.

Hey?

Tonight?

I don't know if I can Amelia.

I get so nervous, so exhausted.

Alright my darling,
I couldn't refuse you anything.

You're a naughty little
girl, alright tonight.

Yes, ciao.

Everyone healthy as an ox eh?
Damn your hides!

All the pain's gone, like that.
Everything works right?

Sure, now that you have to pay.

Virginia, Virginia? Oh yeah,
the idiot went home to papa.

Legitimate physician!

I saw you hesitate downstairs,
what was the matter, timid, afraid?

- Not a chance.
- Step right in.

You're very lucky you know, we've all
the time we need because of the strike.

- You with the mutua?
- No.

Let's hear about it,
what seems to be wrong?

You know, there are lots
of things, wrong doc...

- May I smoke?
- By all means.

- May I offer you one of these?
- Yeah, thanks.

Although as a good
doctor I shouldn't.

Do you really think
it's harmful to smoke.

I think so yes, there's a lot that's
harmful you know, even life is harmful.

You know it too huh?

- Well then, shall we begin?
- Sure.

Make yourself comfortable.

Oh! It didn't take long for you
to get stretched out did it?

- I was just getting comfortable.
- Well that's what it was made for.

It'd be better if you took
off your brassiere aswell.

- I'll take off everything.
- Brava!

That's good, like that.

Lie on your back beautiful.

Will this visit be
a complete one doc?

- We'd better make the first
one complete no? - I guess so.

- Any pain right here?
- No.

- You feel pain?
- No.

- You feel pain here?
- No.

- Now say 69.
- 34. - And 35.

You must be joking,
you're in very good shape.

About the only thing I got is health.

I wish I could dream though but I
don't seem to be able to fall asleep.

We'll get you something
to make you sleep...

it would be a crime if a
girl like you couldn't sleep.

I hope you're not
frustrated, it'd be a pity.

Now then, I think a
prescription would be in order.

I'll prescribe some
sleeping pills, alright?

With these pills, whenever
you want to sleep, take one.

You may take two if you like
because they're not very strong.

This product's innocuous
but efficient my dear.

There.

Begin immediately,
it'll fix you right up.

- There you are.
- Thanks.

Is that all?

- That'll be 3,000.
- 3,000?!

The visit you see.

What the hell do you take me for?

I know you got your strike troubles
but give me at least 10,000.

No matter how long the
day the night must follow...

and so it was with our strike,
it was over suddenly.

And naturally with all our strikes
we asked for 100 and got 50.

Italians everywhere were again stricken
by illnesses, diseases and complaints...

and returned in droves to crowded
dispensaries and pharmacies.

I took up my work
without a moment's rest...

but my mind was focused
only on one object.

Finally, one night...

Amelia's spoken very well
of you my dear friend.

I've named you my substitute
in place of Piselli.

Thank you dear colleague!

The letter for the mutua
is in Amelia's hands...

she wrote it and
I added my signature.

� propos Amelia, forget
about her, it's a little ridiculous.

You lost me doctor,
what are you getting at?

You're very young, in medicine you
must try to keep up appearances...

and that counts more, much
more, than curing the sick.

What kind of doctors are there today?
Certainly not what there used to be.

Why not let Amelia go off with Simeone.

- Who's this Simeone?
- Her lover.

A beautiful fellow, he's a merchant...

you should pity her,
what else does she have?

If you're going to be
a serious doctor...

you've got to provide your wife
with a lover, it's only fair.

But I don't think you
should marry Amelia...

imagine the comments
of your colleagues.

They'll say you married
her purely for my mutuati.

Tell me you'll forget her, you
don't want to marry her do you?

No, i'll never do it, I assure you.

That's good, you're motive
was to have my mutuati.

Upon news of my death, they've got
to find themselves a new physician.

Of course they can
choose whoever they want...

but people are exactly
like a bunch of sheep...

they'll choose you alright
because you're my substitute.

- Bye.
- Grazie, Carlo.

Come on boy, that's unhygeinic.

Go and deal with your colleagues
at the hospital, I have to pray.

Pray do colleague.

From the first day of the
month Dr Bui's mutuati are...

notified to refer in the future to
Dr Tersilli at his medical dispensary.

- Which dispensary, mine? - No,
it's better you reopen my husband's.

Your husband's eh?
Dr Piselli receives in his.

- You don't have faith? - My dear,
it's less complicated and nearer.

The dispensary's a few
steps across the hall...

when we get married we'll be
living here, don't you agree?

And my dispensary,
what'll we do with it?

I'd say forget about it, close it.

Close it, certainly not.

Reopen her husband's dispensary and...

the position of that will
be made even more powerful.

You have difficulty enough grabbing
the mutuati from under her nose.

The truth is I can't split the
work between the dispensaries.

But remember with mine and
Bui's there's 2,500 mutuati.

Ah but we mustn't let that little
hussy get away with anything.

No proper lady would ever behave
the way she has carried on.

And her husband ont he verge of
dying, what kind of a woman is she?

The hospital I can forget about Mamma,
i'll mail a letter explaining that.

Prime reason is I can't
spare a minute of time...

and secondly, I can't possibly work among
those who are envious of my success.

Imagine Mamma, they've written in the
toilet with the blood of a patient...

Tersilli is a pig!

Forget about it. It's important what
you are not what they write in toilets.

So I transferred my studio,
temporarily of course, to Bui's.

For the moment there
was nothing else to do.

My beloved colleague was,
after all, still breathing.

And Amelia was still
mistress of my fate.

Oh, one more thing.

- Do you have someone at home who
can give you the injection? - No.

Alright, you come here, i'll give
them to you every other day...

- That was I can check up on you.
- Thank you doctor.

- Next.
- Your turn.

Am I happy they switched doctors, the
physical he gave me was marvellous.

You wouldn't believe the physical
he gave me, nobody would.

Yes, his work is thorough.

- You're a bartender?
- Yes, I opened a bar down the street.

So long.

Hello, it's Paula, visits are
taking 16 minutes signora.

Look at it like a map.

Now at this point we have an
indication of a small hill of fatness...

and that hill on you is right here.

That's where the trouble lies,
think of yourself as a dirigible.

See, this is filled with air,
you're like a huge windsock.

- How's that?
- What you do is swallow air...

Your stomach starts to dilate putting
pressure on the other organs...

all of which causes
an irregular heartbeat...

palpitations,
anginoidal heartaches...

and above all belching,
you do belch a lot don't you?

Yeah, from both ends!

No, that's a totally different
air, it forms in your intestines.

It's easy as pie to eliminate.

Yes I know but I run a store, when
it begins I can't ever hold it back.

We'll make it stay beck, we'll
elminiate it with anti-fermentatives.

You'll see it'll make you
feel 100 times better.

Now, i'll make you out a
prescription for the whole cure.

When you're done you'll come back
to me and i'll take some more x-rays.

Doctor, you must be the best,
I feel so satisfied now.

But that old boob who treated
me before, you know the sort...

some medicine man who, when you got
there, always said "What's wrong?"

How the hell do I know?
You're a doctor, you tell me.

That's right. I'm here now though
so there's nothing to worry about.

Whatever you need to have
done you'll have done.

I'll make a new girl of you,
give you a whole new silhouette.

Yes.

- Pardon me Dr Tersilli,
may I have a word? - Yes.

What is it Amelia?

A moment ago the nurse
called me, she's preoccupied.

- Why? - Every visit
is much too long.

You've got over 2,500 mutuati,
you're averaging 16 minutes a visit.

You've got to lower to about 10,
my husband was averaging 8...

And in the hot season when
they don't wear much only 6.

You're right Amelia, thank you
signorina, i'll follow your advice.

Bitch!

Here we are, here's your
instructions and your aid book.

Now then before you go
pass this to reception.

If you have any
trouble check with us.

- Thanks doctor, and for the other
air? - Save it for the outside.

- You may go in.
- Thanks.

Yes come in.

Well, what are you doing here?

I've just come for a visit doctor, i'm
one of your mutuati, did you forget?

Teresa, you must listen...

Obviously i'm deluged
with work and besides...

my life is upside-down,
not a moment of rest.

I've no intention of
hindering your work Guido...

I only had the urge to
see how posh your setup is.

I know we'll see one another when
you have time, it's worth the effort.

And what is worth the effort?

You earn a lot of money,
the quicker we can be married.

Married? It's important marriage.

Teresa, you've sacrificed so much I
don't want you to sacrifice any longer.

Besides, nothing is sure.

Go on if you can.

I don't know how to explain,
Teresa I beg you to understand.

I suspected it would come to this.

Just a moment.

You and I were always a very happy
couple but now our desires are different.

I guess i'm not high-class enough!

Teresa, i'm only asking for my liberty.

- Excuse me please.
- Yes.

- I'm sorry doctor but I think you
ought to... - Teresa, get out of here.

You're a weakling Guido,
nothing but a dirty weakling.

- Insult me if it make you feel better.
- Filthy coward, you and your mother.

Teresa, I won't allow you to
vilify mother, you hear?!

You're freaks, the two of you.
You can just go to hell!

Who was she?

- Who was who?
- That girl.

Who could she be? She's just a...

I hope she doesn't return here and
create scenes in front of everyone.

No, certainly not, she
has too much sense. Sugar.

You always find types like
that in girls of poor breeding.

Four dear.

Thank you.

- Want a cookie?
- They look scrumptious.

I'm a glutton.

Mamma brought her home to
assist in the housework and...

somehow she got it into her head
that she and I would marry, that's it.

I knew it.

- Signora here are Drs Filopanti
and Dinardi. - Cara signora

Dr Dinardi and Dr Filopanti,
both friends of my husband.

Dr Tersilli is
substituting for Dr Piselli.

About time doctor wouldn't you say?!

- Would you like a smoke?
- No, i'm trying to quit.

I don't know what rapport you
have with doctor Piselli but...

permit me to say to
you in all frankness...

he's a borish fellow,
he never sent me any clients.

Who are they?

Dr Filopanti is a radiologist and
Dr Dinardi is an otorhinolaryngologist.

That's very very good.

8 years of specialisation and
our equipment is first class.

We're equipped for therapy
of any kind, Marconi radar...

Published and illustrated in
the 'Physician's Magazine'.

Impressive.

I have my studio in the same
building as my friend Filopanti and...

I operate a clinic in
the villa Fiorita.

It's one of the best in Rome.

If you would only visit you'd see
how luxurious, how plush it is.

After all Dr Bui knows us,
we worked together for years.

- Yes but I don't understand...
- We mean if you haven't already...

come to an accord with any
other specialists, we're your boys.

A proper accord now but Bietti e Forcella
have already made us a proposition.

But they're just a couple of
quacks, not good for anything.

- No?!
- They're medical gangsters!

Guido, as straight operators...

we propose maintaining the
same conditions we had with Bui.

- And they are? - We'll give you 25%
for every client you turn over to us.

- 30 doctor!
- That's my girl!

I assure you 25% is
the most we can manage.

you have no idea the
expenses we specialists have.

We are continually installing
new and costly equipment.

We could manage to go to 30% on
patients who are not with the mutua.

I see, but I have no
patients like that.

As for the patients of
Dr Bui, they're all mutuati.

You have no idea.

Your mutuati can be made to believe
they need x-rays of a specific nature.

Serious analyses you cannot give them.

To get these they must dip into their
own pockets to pay specialists like us.

It's as easy as falling off a log.

On electrocardiograms
alone the payoff is 50%.

You could bring me
a lot of those by...

simply pronouncing the words
"heart attack" emphatically.

I know of one way you can break
in, it's when you treat babies.

You just tell the guardian the
baby must have it's tonsils out...

it's adenoids done
because of rheumatism...

nephritis, retarded development
et cetera, you know the pitch.

Explain that it's not the sort of
work for a medico della mutua...

but really for a respected
specialist in a clean, private clinic.

My husband was always most
convincing in these cases.

hHoperation is a minor one...

and you have it
only once a lifetime.

And when dealing with children
any sacrifice is sacred.

- Chin chin.
- Chin Chin.

So now you've got to
marry the witch of course.

You've got a stomach made of iron.

She propositioned me too
but i'm no prostitute.

Do you have Simeone's permission?

When I take over as head
of the mutua you watch out!

You have our sympathy.

Sorry, we really must go, it's
a long way out for me tomorrow.

He wanted it this way you know,
to go back to the family estate.

Amelia.

What is it dear?

I'm going now, might settle everything
within a week, 10 days at most.

Don't worry about it, stay
for a while, i'll be here.

- I'll be thinking of you
every minute. - And I too.

Chin up, bye.

I said the first moment he
stepped into the hospital...

that pig Tersilli has
those awful beady eyes.

You have it admit i'm right.

Opportunist hypocrite, that
larcenous rat would sell...

his mother and father straight into
slavery to get something he wanted.

- Were there a lot of mutuati
with Dr Bui? - More than 2,300.

He's a sharp man this Tersilli,
the sort of man who'll make it.

Well, how did the funeral go?

- Mamma, what are you doing?
- Read.

- Why?
- Why don't you just read it.

Dear mutuati, following the
wishes of the late Dr Bui...

we beg you to communicate your
choice of my name to the mutua...

to expedite your
future medical service.

The address of my studio is
132 Via Cesare Fani.

My sincerest thanks,
yours, Dr Guido Tersilli.

- Via Cesare Fani, what...
- That's where your new office is.

I've had it rented for more than
a month, complete modern decor.

Three large waiting rooms,
dispensary and studio.

I've also rented the
apartment upstairs from it.

A magnificent apartment,
wait till you see.

I couldn't possibly carry
on in this small shack.

I must say Mamma, you're great!
You've put stamps on even.

Why certainly, your mutuati should
be informed of their new service ASAP.

I can just see Amelia's face when...

She'd better learn to behave herself,
more like a proper grieving widow.

And you need a better
car for your practice.

A fine red convertible so
that everyone will notice.

I wanna make them green,
those envoius colleagues of mine.

- We made lots of sacrifices but
now it's paid off eh? - Yes Mamma.

- How long will Amelia be away?
- She said about 10 days.

She left with the corpse and Simeone.

- And the glasses?
- What glasses?

But mamma made
arrangements for the glasses.

- The doctor said they won't
be necessary. - Ah, am I happy!

- Excuse me sir.
- Next please.

- Complaint?
- Colic of the liver.

Take off your jacket,
lie down over there...

unbutton you shirt, pull it up.

- What is it?
- Liver colic.

- Who are you?
- Leccone.

- Do you take any medicine?
- Yes, Eparema.

Any better now?

Good, then repeat the cure
twice a day and no more wine!

- Ciao my son.
- There he goes, my healer.

- Who is it?
- Prof Tucci.

Ah professor of violins, the violinist,
how are things, lyrics recovering?

- The lyrics are good but not I.
- Asthma bronchitis.

Let's hear it, cough.

Stop... now cough... stop...

Now breath heavily... stop.

Now don't breathe.

- You're doing the injection?
- One day yes, one day no.

In this season, plenty of sun, theraputic sun.

And for this little tickle on my throat?

- Shave off the beard. - The beard,
what's that got to do with it?!

- Who is it? - Corsetti,
arthritis of the lower spine.

Where'd you do the x-rays?

At Dr Filopanti's,
it was you who sent me there.

Sure, the ones you
had showed us nothing.

First, fourth, fifth
vertebrae absolutely clear.

At this price, at least clear!

- Bend over. - Traumatology,
they'll give you a brace.

A brace, how am I supposed to work?

- What sort of work? - Rubber
stamp office, postal department.

Stand up and work!

- What's wrong?
- Throat.

Alright, let's have
a look, say aaahhh...

- A bright red, do you smoke?
- Yes, it's madness.

I argue with my husband morning
till night, he smokes a lot.

- That's the root of it all,
you wanna get well? - Yes.

- Don't argue with your husband.
- What do I do?

- Go buy him a pack of cigarettes.
- And the gargling?

Your husband should
take care of that, ciao.

- Now then?
- Hearing.

Doc, I think i've got a bit
of wax in here, I can't hear.

Let's examine it.

A bit of wax like Madame Tussauds!
You can't hear at all.

Doctor, that ear can can hear,
it's this ear here.

Are you sure? Let's have a look.

A Florida swamp, wash.

- Wash?
- Yes, with soap.

- Next.
- Prescription.

- What for?
- 20g of Trisodium citrate.

- What for?
- I have to preserve some tomatoes.

Why not?! Give it to her,
but make sure I get some tomatoes.

- Next... petient. - The signorini
here doesn't belong to the mutua.

Bonjourno, so you're not a member eh?

Why don't you take a
coffee break... please.

Now then, since you'll be
paying cash you get to have a...

rather special, much more personal type
of visit, a much closer examination.

That's nice, i've noticed your
mutuati are somewhat unspecial.

You've noticed that have you? Do
you know how many mutuati I have?

- Yes I do, 2,600.
- No, 2,689.

And how in the world do I
take care of all of them?

Right now i'm averaging one every 8
minutes but I still have to cut down.

And the truth of it is they're much
less interested in the visit...

than they are getting
their hands on the medicine.

They just wanna go to the
pharmacy becuase it's free and...

get their carloads of ointments,
suppositories, vials and pills.

And maybe one in a
million of them takes them.

The mutua has whole cartons...

it's closets are packed with
drugs with the seals still on them.

Now I see why Lampredi
swears it's a racket...

but then when he
gets into the mutua...

he's going to, quote,
"Be a ruthless wheeler-dealer".

Yeah, that sounds like Lampredi...
I mean good for Lampredi.

- Why do you call him Lampredi
though? - That's what his name is.

Ah, it's only I would've
thought that his fianc�e...

Right now i'm no one's fianc�e!

It's finished huh?

Yes, we broke off as bosom buddies.

He hates me and I
thoroughly despise him.

Anyone without ambition
has already failed I think.

In his opinion I was just a rich
little girl and spoilt at that.

- And are you a spolit
little girl? - Um, yeah.

- And...? - Rich.

Rich, interesting.

What's papa's line of work?

I thought you already
knew, he's a builder.

- I didn't know. - All of this was built
by daddy, this whole group of buildings.

Yeah, how do you like that,
quite a man your papa.

Well are you here to pick up the rent?

If you wanna pay although i'm
here to see the penthouse actually.

Papa gave me the
whole floor you see so...

Penthouse eh?

In passing I saw your sign and,
being curious, I walked in.

- You don't mind?
- Of course not.

- I am going to get in.
- Hey what's that?

I don't know, could be anyone the
way things happen around here.

Excuse me, I think I
have a pretty good idea.

Who is it?

The signora doesn't have the mutua
and she won't say what the matter is.

I know what's wrong,
take a coffee break nurse.

Amelia.

Stop it! How dare you
assault a medico della mutua.

Amelia, you don't know how heartbroken
I was to have to let you down.

I made you, I made you, I bought you!

Wiat, you have it all wrong...

Your husband, bless his soul, said
to me "Swear you won't marry Amelia".

What could I do? I swore.

Leave me alone. What are
you doing fighting me?

You bitch! I'll be back for you.

No, Amelia!

- There you are.
- Mamma.

You can't go on like this, after
all, you're not the doctor, he is.

Don't you see it's only natural
he should get the mutuati?

Yes, but I simply refuse to
take such an underhand approach.

But now that it's all
out I feel much better.

And since I happen to
want to feel better too...

there's one thing i've always
wanted to say to you... whore!

- Mamma! - Name calling
is good for the soul!

- But what a thing to say.
- Yeah, you've got a tough old mamma.

Yeah but you're a mamma.

Excuse me mamma,
i've got a patient in there.

Hello, i'm back

- Did you hear?
- Uh huh.

- And of course you saw?
- Yep.

Yeah, stubborn case however I provided
a cure that should prove quite effective.

And what's that?

Matrimony for a widow with a
fine old lover who loves her.

- You think she'll get well again?
- I know she will.

You're a marvellous doctor.

I don't know that i'm marvellous,
I only know that i'm a doctor...

- Know what i'm trying to say?
- I think so.

I think I was actually
born a doctor...

I remember as a kid years ago
I would play every minute at it.

As a little girl I remember I used
to love to play at being patient.

- Want to play a little? - No.

- We're big people now, and really i'm
in the best of health. - Really?

Are you sure you don't need to be
looked over a little... Anna-Maria?

- Well, you remembered my name.
- I remember everything.

Well then I wonder if it isn't my
parents you'd better look over.

- You think so.
- I think so.

I think so.

- Dr Tersilli.
- Who are you?

- His wife.
- Second floor and to the right.

Anna-Maria, what on earth
are you doing here?

Why did you come back?
How did you find out?

I'm not here for a battle,
just tell me where he is.

If you'd called I
could've saved you the bother.

The professor has expressly
forbidden anyone to go in.

Listen mother-in-law, tell me where
he is or i'll wake the whole hospital.

He's in that room right down there.

The professor days he has
to have total quiet though...

he's had a complete
collapse from overwork.

Surely not because
of me mother-in-law?

- Is this a very long thing?
- Is what thing very long?

This whole, what do
you call it, illness?

It depends, unless he
has a relapse or...

something worse even
from getting too excited...

he'll be allowed to go home
within the next 2 or 3 days.

And in a couple of weeks
he'll be able to start up again.

Of course it's understood he'll have to
stop trying so hard for some people.

The way you talk you
make it sound as if...

I'm the cause of your son's
collapse and of his way of living.

In fact the culprit was
you, you all the way.

Pushing him, as if you wanted Guido
to be the only doctor in the world.

Answering you isn't
worth the bother because...

after everything's said and done,
here you come charging in...

without asking once, just once,
"How is he? What happened to him?"

You're heartless, i've always
said it and now i'm positive.

You're completely cold!

They always detested each other right
from the first day they tangled.

Now though they really
hate each other's guts.

I think my mother wishes
i'd married Teresa instead.

Or even... cringe... Amelia.

Anna-Maria's been a good wife.

Let's be clear, a good wife the
way we think of good wives today.

But me, have I been a good husband?

Anna-Maria! You mean
you've been waiting?

- Yeah, do you mind?
- Amore!

- Are you tired? - Tired?!
I'll be ready in two seconds.

Hi!

Anna-Maria!

Hello.

Ok, yes Signora Polloni.

One of my special patients,
she's overweight.

I hope you're alright.

No signora, you shouldn't be like that,
I expect you to call me up anytime.

Yes.

- You've been overeating? How
about your elimination? - Oh my god!

No? You'd better try suppositories.

Too bad but that's the way it was.

After one year of marriage I had 2,823
mutuati and how can you expect a...

hard-working doctor with 2,823 mutuati
to be a hard-working husband too?

you figure that the
average Italian mutuato...

pays 7 or 8 visits to
his doctor every year.

That comes to 21,000 appointments.
Divide 21,000 by 281 days...

that is leaving out Sundays,
holidays and a vacation...

that comes to an average
of 75 appointments a day...

of which 70 are office appointments
and 5 are house calls.

Now figuring on 10 minutes
for each consultation...

that comes to 13 or
14 work hours every day.

I managed to get the average
visit down to 7 minutes...

I cut house calls down to
only the most urgent cases...

but in the meantime the number
of my mutuati patients increased.

I got down to 5 minutes per visit
but by then I had 3,114 patients...

and at 3,115...

Who's there?

Bonjourno.

Bonjourno signora,
i'm so happy to see you.

Signora Tersilli, I brought my
colleagues to pay their respects.

I haven't had a good
night's sleep for a week...

what mother could sleep
with her son in a hospital?

You poor thing, you must be scared.

The human body has to pay
for the sacrifices it makes.

- ...brought on by overwork...
- ...24 hours a day, 7 days a week...

Sister Pasqualina, what was his injection last night?

- 20cc of chinidina. - Well, I
don't know, how about another 20?

It's not important sister, make it 20.

In this case bed rest is
the most important thing.

Tomorrow morning i'll
have a look at him.

Don't worry ladies, Dr Tersilli will
get the best care as long as he wants.

We know Prof, you've been so good
but i've been meaning to ask you...

what's happening to my son's
clinic and 3,000 mutuati?

No wonder he had a breakdown
with as many as that.

That many?! Incredible isn't it?

Signora, may I make a suggestion?
I'd be glad to help you out.

We all could help you at
the clinic taking turns.

- It'd be a pleasure.
- Or perhaps signora...

while Guido's getting
back to health...

it's best to divide the
mutuati between his friends.

Friends my bedsore covered arse!

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye

You know what?
I'm getting out of here.

Hypocritical bastards!

"While Guido gets his health back...

it's best to divide the
mutuati among his friends."

Well Guido's got his
health back you... brothers.

I'm going back to the clinic.

- Glad you're better doctor.
- Yes i'm much better, thanks.

- The taxi's here doctor.
- Right on the ball as usual.

Hold it fella, there's
no parking in that area.

- What about these? - They belong
to the medical staff of the hospital.

Well then i'm parked in the right place.

- You're on the staff? Since when?
- Since this morning, ok?

Sure, go right in.

Assistant volunteer at San Servolo,
the first step in his career.

These young fellows don't
know what a career is.

He's taken a position with the
hospital just to collect mutuati.

Things were different in my
time, we had a code of ethics.

Thanks you,
thank you doctor you tight...

Ettore Cardoni.

- What's the matter?
- It's rheumatism.

Ettore Cardoni, he
thinks he has rheumatism.

- Aspirin, next patient nurse.
- Right doctor.

- Yes doctor, is the pain here?
- No.

- No doctor.
- Probe a little bit lower.

- How about here?
- Cut that out!

- Be good! - That isn't a
punchbag down there cutie.

Don't be so aggressove
nurse, try to take it easy.

Probe gently with your fingers,
don't jab with the telephone...

don't hit below the belt,
he's a man. Now listen...

for his medicine, a new product just
advertised in the medical journal.

Never heard of it but i'm
curious about it's effects.

Turbonol, yes.

No, they're suppositories.

Two at night and
maybe three in the day.

I'll write out and send
down a prescription.

Hello.

Oh yes Signora Polloni,
I hope you're alright.

No signora, you
shouldn't be like that...