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1
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Kids, I'm gonna tell you
an incredible story.
2
00:00:07,321 --> 00:00:09,721
The story of how I met your mother.
3
00:00:09,824 --> 00:00:12,691
- Are we being punished for something?
- No.
4
00:00:12,793 --> 00:00:15,421
- Yeah, is this gonna take a while?
- Yes.
5
00:00:16,030 --> 00:00:20,399
Twenty-five years ago, before I was Dad,
I had this whole other life.
6
00:00:24,805 --> 00:00:27,000
It was way back in 2005,
7
00:00:27,108 --> 00:00:29,770
I was 27, just starting
to make it as an architect
8
00:00:29,877 --> 00:00:32,869
and living in New York with Marshall,
my best friend from college,
9
00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:34,106
My life was good,
10
00:00:34,215 --> 00:00:37,912
And then Uncle Marshall
went and screwed the whole thing up,
11
00:00:38,152 --> 00:00:39,779
Will you marry me?
12
00:00:40,488 --> 00:00:41,750
Yes. Perfect.
13
00:00:41,856 --> 00:00:44,620
And then you're engaged,
you pop the champagne, you drink a toast,
14
00:00:44,725 --> 00:00:46,716
you have sex on the kitchen floor.
15
00:00:46,827 --> 00:00:49,193
- Don't have sex on our kitchen floor.
- Got it.
16
00:00:49,296 --> 00:00:50,786
Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted.
17
00:00:50,898 --> 00:00:53,264
Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily.
18
00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:55,665
I've been there for all the big moments
of you and Lily.
19
00:00:55,803 --> 00:01:00,137
The night you met,
your first date, other first things.
20
00:01:01,042 --> 00:01:03,374
Yeah, sorry, we thought you were asleep.
21
00:01:03,477 --> 00:01:04,603
It's physics, Marshall.
22
00:01:04,712 --> 00:01:07,840
If the bottom bunk moves,
the top bunk moves, too.
23
00:01:09,183 --> 00:01:12,619
My God, you're getting engaged tonight.
24
00:01:13,788 --> 00:01:16,154
Yeah. What are you doing tonight?
25
00:01:17,124 --> 00:01:19,524
What was I doing? Here, Uncle Marshall
26
00:01:19,627 --> 00:01:22,152
was taking the biggest step of his life,
And me?
27
00:01:22,263 --> 00:01:24,493
I'm calling up your Uncle Barney,
28
00:01:24,598 --> 00:01:27,294
Hey, so you know how I've always
had a thing for half-Asian girls?
29
00:01:28,936 --> 00:01:32,736
Well, now I've got a new favorite.
Lebanese girls.
30
00:01:33,074 --> 00:01:35,736
Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians.
31
00:01:35,843 --> 00:01:37,435
Hey, you wanna do something tonight?
32
00:01:37,545 --> 00:01:40,309
Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes.
And suit up!
33
00:01:43,317 --> 00:01:45,979
- Hey.
- Where's your suit?
34
00:01:46,087 --> 00:01:48,578
Just once, when I say "suit up,"
I wish you'd put on a suit.
35
00:01:48,689 --> 00:01:52,125
- I did. That one time.
- It was a blazer.
36
00:01:53,661 --> 00:01:57,062
You know, ever since college
it's been Marshall and Lily and me.
37
00:01:57,565 --> 00:02:00,090
Now it's gonna be
Marshall and Lily and me.
38
00:02:00,201 --> 00:02:01,998
They'll get married, start a family.
39
00:02:02,103 --> 00:02:04,162
Before long,
I'm that weird middle-aged bachelor
40
00:02:04,271 --> 00:02:06,398
their kids call "Uncle Ted."
41
00:02:08,909 --> 00:02:10,206
I see what this is about.
42
00:02:10,311 --> 00:02:12,506
Have you forgotten what I said to you
the night we met?
43
00:02:14,782 --> 00:02:17,342
Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live.
44
00:02:18,319 --> 00:02:21,720
- Barney. We met at the urinal.
- Oh, right. Hi.
45
00:02:21,822 --> 00:02:25,189
Lesson one, lose the goatee.
It doesn't go with your suit.
46
00:02:25,292 --> 00:02:27,886
- I'm not wearing a suit.
- Lesson two, get a suit.
47
00:02:27,995 --> 00:02:29,986
Suits are cool. Exhibit A.
48
00:02:30,664 --> 00:02:31,653
Lesson three,
49
00:02:31,765 --> 00:02:35,064
don't even think about getting married
till you're 30.
50
00:02:35,669 --> 00:02:37,330
Thirty. Right, you're right.
51
00:02:37,438 --> 00:02:39,303
I guess it's just, your best friend
gets engaged,
52
00:02:39,406 --> 00:02:42,603
- you start thinking about that stuff.
- I thought I was your best friend.
53
00:02:42,710 --> 00:02:45,440
Ted, say I'm your best friend.
54
00:02:46,981 --> 00:02:48,141
- You're my best friend, Barney.
- Good.
55
00:02:48,249 --> 00:02:50,945
Then as your best friend, I suggest we play
a little game I like to call,
56
00:02:51,051 --> 00:02:52,279
"Have you met Ted?"
57
00:02:52,386 --> 00:02:54,047
No, no, no, no, we're not playing
"Have you met Ted."
58
00:02:54,155 --> 00:02:55,520
Hi, have you met Ted?
59
00:02:56,457 --> 00:02:59,426
- Hi, I'm Ted.
- Yasmin.
60
00:02:59,693 --> 00:03:02,753
- It's a very pretty name.
- Thanks. It's Lebanese.
61
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:07,000
Hey.
62
00:03:08,469 --> 00:03:09,663
I'm exhausted.
63
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:13,137
It was finger-painting day at school
and a 5-year-old boy
64
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,333
got to second base with me.
65
00:03:16,744 --> 00:03:20,077
- Wow, you're cooking?
- Yes, I am.
66
00:03:22,850 --> 00:03:24,784
Are you sure that's a good idea
after last time.
67
00:03:24,885 --> 00:03:27,649
You looked really creepy
without eyebrows.
68
00:03:27,888 --> 00:03:28,877
I can handle this.
69
00:03:28,989 --> 00:03:31,219
I think you'll find
I'm full of surprises tonight.
70
00:03:31,325 --> 00:03:33,350
So there's more surprises? Like what?
71
00:03:33,727 --> 00:03:35,661
Marshall was in his second year
of law school,
72
00:03:35,763 --> 00:03:38,129
so he was pretty good
at thinking on his feet,
73
00:03:38,232 --> 00:03:41,497
Boogedy boo! And that's all of them.
74
00:03:43,103 --> 00:03:44,968
I'm gonna go cook.
75
00:03:45,773 --> 00:03:47,468
I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am.
76
00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,702
I just couldn't imagine settling down
right now.
77
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:53,337
- So do you think you'll ever get married?
- Well, maybe eventually.
78
00:03:53,681 --> 00:03:56,582
Some fall day. Possibly in Central Park.
79
00:03:57,351 --> 00:03:59,945
Simple ceremony.
We'll write our own vows.
80
00:04:00,054 --> 00:04:01,043
Band, no DJ.
81
00:04:01,155 --> 00:04:04,215
People will dance,
I'm not gonna worry about it.
82
00:04:04,425 --> 00:04:07,417
Damn it, why did Marshall
have to get engaged?
83
00:04:07,561 --> 00:04:10,997
Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning
out his own imaginary wedding, huh?
84
00:04:11,098 --> 00:04:14,693
- Actually, I think it's cute.
- Well, you're clearly drunk.
85
00:04:14,868 --> 00:04:16,768
One more for the lady!
86
00:04:17,838 --> 00:04:19,806
Oh, hey, look what I got.
87
00:04:23,143 --> 00:04:26,135
Oh, honey, champagne.
88
00:04:27,715 --> 00:04:28,807
Yeah.
89
00:04:30,150 --> 00:04:33,916
No, you are too old to be scared
to open a bottle of champagne.
90
00:04:34,021 --> 00:04:34,988
I'm not scared.
91
00:04:35,089 --> 00:04:36,989
- Then open it.
- Fine.
92
00:04:38,659 --> 00:04:40,058
Please, open it.
93
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,025
Gosh, you are unbelievable, Marshall.
94
00:04:42,129 --> 00:04:44,723
There are two big questions
a man has to ask in life,
95
00:04:44,832 --> 00:04:47,528
One you plan out for months,
the other just slips out
96
00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:49,330
when you're half-drunk at some bar,
97
00:04:49,436 --> 00:04:50,494
Will you marry me?
98
00:04:50,938 --> 00:04:52,906
You wanna go out sometime?
99
00:04:53,007 --> 00:04:54,770
Of course, you idiot!
100
00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:58,770
I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend.
101
00:05:01,048 --> 00:05:02,572
What's up, Carl?
102
00:05:06,587 --> 00:05:09,055
I promised Ted we wouldn't do that.
103
00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:12,823
Did you know there's a Pop-Tart
under your fridge?
104
00:05:12,926 --> 00:05:14,484
No, but dibs.
105
00:05:15,296 --> 00:05:17,127
Where's that champagne?
106
00:05:17,698 --> 00:05:20,633
I wanna drink a toast with my fiancée.
107
00:05:24,004 --> 00:05:26,598
I don't know why I was so scared of this.
108
00:05:26,707 --> 00:05:28,106
It's pretty easy, right?
109
00:05:30,911 --> 00:05:33,209
Why am I freaking out all of a sudden?
This is crazy.
110
00:05:33,314 --> 00:05:34,838
I'm not ready to settle down.
111
00:05:34,948 --> 00:05:37,143
How does Carl land a Lebanese girl?
112
00:05:37,818 --> 00:05:38,876
The plan's always been
113
00:05:38,986 --> 00:05:40,544
don't even think about it until you're 30.
114
00:05:40,654 --> 00:05:42,747
Exactly. The guy doesn't even own a suit.
115
00:05:43,490 --> 00:05:45,390
Plus, Marshall's found
the love of his life.
116
00:05:45,492 --> 00:05:47,722
Even if I was ready, which I'm not,
117
00:05:47,828 --> 00:05:52,561
but if I was, it's like,
"Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?"
118
00:05:56,503 --> 00:05:58,130
And there she was,
119
00:06:04,569 --> 00:06:06,594
It was like something from an old movie
120
00:06:06,705 --> 00:06:09,833
where the sailor sees the girl
across the crowded dance floor,
121
00:06:09,941 --> 00:06:11,704
turns to his buddy and says,
122
00:06:11,810 --> 00:06:14,643
"See that girl?
I'm gonna marry her someday,"
123
00:06:15,313 --> 00:06:17,781
Hey, Barney, see that girl?
124
00:06:17,883 --> 00:06:20,579
Oh, yeah. You just know she likes it dirty.
125
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,250
- Go say hi.
- I can't just go say hi.
126
00:06:24,556 --> 00:06:25,750
I need a plan.
127
00:06:25,857 --> 00:06:27,381
I'm gonna wait
until she goes to the bathroom,
128
00:06:27,492 --> 00:06:29,960
then I'll strategically place myself
by the jukebox so that...
129
00:06:30,061 --> 00:06:31,824
Hi, have you met Ted?
130
00:06:33,865 --> 00:06:34,854
Hi.
131
00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:37,924
Let me guess. Ted.
132
00:06:40,705 --> 00:06:41,831
I'm sorry, Lily.
133
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,238
I'm so sorry. Take us to the hospital.
134
00:06:44,342 --> 00:06:46,674
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you hit her?
135
00:06:48,713 --> 00:06:50,203
Hit me? Please.
136
00:06:50,315 --> 00:06:53,148
This guy can barely even spank me
in bed for fun.
137
00:06:53,251 --> 00:06:55,913
He's all, like, "Oh, honey, did that hurt?"
138
00:06:56,021 --> 00:06:58,888
And I'm, like,
"Come on, let me have you, you pansy."
139
00:06:59,691 --> 00:07:03,149
- Wow, a complete stranger.
- No, no, no, it's okay. Go on.
140
00:07:03,995 --> 00:07:05,462
So, these spankings,
141
00:07:05,564 --> 00:07:08,590
are you in pajamas or au natural?
142
00:07:10,101 --> 00:07:12,661
- So what do you do?
- I'm a reporter for Metro News 1.
143
00:07:12,771 --> 00:07:15,239
- Oh.
- Well, kind of a reporter.
144
00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:17,808
I do those dumb little fluff pieces
at the end of the news.
145
00:07:17,909 --> 00:07:22,141
You know, like,
"Monkey who can play the ukulele."
146
00:07:22,247 --> 00:07:24,306
But I'm hoping to get some
bigger stories soon.
147
00:07:24,416 --> 00:07:27,510
Bigger, like,
"Gorilla with an upright bass?"
148
00:07:27,619 --> 00:07:29,109
Sorry. You're really pretty.
149
00:07:33,425 --> 00:07:35,256
- Oh, your friends don't seem too happy.
- Yeah.
150
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,385
See, the one in the middle
just got dumped by her boyfriend.
151
00:07:37,495 --> 00:07:40,055
So tonight, every guy is "the enemy."
152
00:07:40,165 --> 00:07:41,462
You know,
if it'll make your friend feel better
153
00:07:41,566 --> 00:07:44,057
you could throw a drink in my face.
I don't mind.
154
00:07:44,269 --> 00:07:48,171
She would love that.
And it does look fun in the movies.
155
00:07:48,807 --> 00:07:50,672
Hey, you wanna have dinner with me
Saturday night?
156
00:07:50,775 --> 00:07:53,744
Oh, I can't.
I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday.
157
00:07:53,845 --> 00:07:56,473
Some guy's attempting
to make the world's biggest pancake.
158
00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:58,845
- Guess who's covering it?
- That's gonna take a week?
159
00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:01,282
Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too.
It's another record.
160
00:08:01,386 --> 00:08:03,547
Hey, what's taking so long?
161
00:08:04,422 --> 00:08:07,949
I know this is a long shot,
but how about tomorrow night?
162
00:08:08,793 --> 00:08:10,784
Yeah. What the hell.
163
00:08:16,735 --> 00:08:18,032
Jerk!
164
00:08:18,937 --> 00:08:20,404
That was fun.
165
00:08:21,439 --> 00:08:24,306
De... Wait for it... nied.
166
00:08:24,442 --> 00:08:25,602
Denied.
167
00:08:26,278 --> 00:08:27,370
We're going out tomorrow night.
168
00:08:27,479 --> 00:08:29,970
I thought we were playing
Lazer Tag tomorrow night.
169
00:08:30,081 --> 00:08:32,948
Yeah, I was never gonna go play
Lazer Tag.
170
00:08:36,273 --> 00:08:39,640
The next night, I took her out
to this little bistro in Brooklyn,
171
00:08:40,044 --> 00:08:41,102
Wow.
172
00:08:41,211 --> 00:08:44,669
- That is one bad-ass blue French horn.
- Yeah.
173
00:08:44,782 --> 00:08:48,013
Sort of looks like a Smurf penis.
174
00:08:48,118 --> 00:08:49,881
Son, a piece of advice,
175
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:53,889
When you go on a first date,
you really don't want to say Smurf penis,
176
00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:56,357
Girls don't ordinarily like that,
177
00:08:57,661 --> 00:09:00,129
But this was no ordinary girl,
178
00:09:04,668 --> 00:09:05,965
Lily.
179
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,064
How long have you been sitting there?
180
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:11,266
Stupid eye patch.
181
00:09:13,711 --> 00:09:17,943
Mom, Dad,
I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby.
182
00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:20,243
Marshall, how have I always described
my perfect woman?
183
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:21,978
Let's see.
184
00:09:22,086 --> 00:09:23,075
She likes dogs?
185
00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:24,552
I've got five dogs.
186
00:09:24,655 --> 00:09:25,679
She drinks Scotch?
187
00:09:25,789 --> 00:09:28,724
I love a Scotch
that's old enough to order its own Scotch.
188
00:09:28,826 --> 00:09:30,657
Can quote obscure lines from
Ghostbusters?
189
00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:34,754
"Ray, when someone asks you
if you're a God, you say, 'Yes!"'
190
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:38,027
And I'm saving the best for last.
191
00:09:38,335 --> 00:09:40,462
Do you want these? I hate olives.
192
00:09:40,671 --> 00:09:44,402
- She hates olives. Awesome!
- The Olive Theory.
193
00:09:44,708 --> 00:09:47,506
The Olive Theory
is based on my friends, Marshall and Lily.
194
00:09:47,611 --> 00:09:49,602
He hates olives, she loves them.
And in a weird way,
195
00:09:49,713 --> 00:09:51,408
that's what makes them
such a great couple.
196
00:09:51,515 --> 00:09:52,846
Perfect balance.
197
00:09:53,684 --> 00:09:57,950
You know, I've had a jar of olives
just sitting in my fridge forever.
198
00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:01,856
I could take them off your hands.
199
00:10:02,459 --> 00:10:04,086
They're all yours.
200
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,090
Oh, it is on!
201
00:10:06,196 --> 00:10:08,664
It is on till the break of dawn.
202
00:10:10,734 --> 00:10:14,033
But, wait, it's only the break of 10:30.
What happened?
203
00:10:15,172 --> 00:10:18,107
I gotta get one of those blue French horns
for over my fireplace.
204
00:10:18,208 --> 00:10:19,937
It's gotta be blue, it's gotta be French.
205
00:10:20,044 --> 00:10:21,375
- No green clarinet?
- Nope.
206
00:10:21,478 --> 00:10:22,877
Come on, no purple tuba?
207
00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:25,505
It's a Smurf penis or no dice.
208
00:10:26,517 --> 00:10:27,506
There you are!
209
00:10:27,618 --> 00:10:30,644
We got a jumper.
Some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge.
210
00:10:30,754 --> 00:10:32,847
Come on, you're covering it.
211
00:10:33,857 --> 00:10:35,347
All right, I'll be right there.
212
00:10:36,460 --> 00:10:37,825
I'm sorry.
213
00:10:38,462 --> 00:10:40,862
I had a really great time tonight.
214
00:10:41,699 --> 00:10:42,666
Yeah, well.
215
00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:44,663
So, did you kiss her?
216
00:10:45,202 --> 00:10:47,193
No, the moment wasn't right.
217
00:10:47,304 --> 00:10:49,329
Look, this woman
could actually be my future wife.
218
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,203
I want our first kiss to be amazing.
219
00:10:51,308 --> 00:10:53,902
Oh, Ted, that is so sweet.
220
00:10:54,011 --> 00:10:56,809
So, you chickened out like a little bitch.
221
00:10:58,082 --> 00:11:00,107
What? I did not chicken out.
222
00:11:00,217 --> 00:11:02,310
You know what?
I don't need to take first kiss advice
223
00:11:02,419 --> 00:11:05,855
from some pirate who hasn't been single
since the first week of college.
224
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,447
Ted, anyone who's single
would tell you the same thing.
225
00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:11,027
Even the dumbest single person alive.
226
00:11:11,228 --> 00:11:13,287
And if you don't believe me, call him.
227
00:11:15,566 --> 00:11:20,060
Hey, loser, how's not playing Lazer Tag?
Because playing Lazer Tag is awesome.
228
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,666
Oh, I killed you, Connor.
Don't make me get your mom.
229
00:11:22,773 --> 00:11:24,764
Hey, listen,
I need your opinion on something.
230
00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:27,571
Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes.
And suit up!
231
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,846
So, these guys think I chickened out.
What do you think?
232
00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:36,182
I can't believe
you're still not wearing a suit.
233
00:11:37,287 --> 00:11:38,618
She didn't even give me the signal.
234
00:11:38,722 --> 00:11:41,816
What, is she gonna
bat her eyes at you in Morse code?
235
00:11:41,925 --> 00:11:42,983
"Ted,
236
00:11:44,194 --> 00:11:45,252
"kiss me."
237
00:11:45,362 --> 00:11:48,957
- No, you just kiss her.
- Not if you don't get the signal.
238
00:11:52,236 --> 00:11:54,636
- Did Marshall give me the signal?
- No!
239
00:11:54,738 --> 00:11:56,501
I didn't, I swear.
240
00:11:58,275 --> 00:12:00,903
But, see, at least tonight,
I get to sleep knowing Marshall and me,
241
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:03,741
never gonna happen.
You should've kissed her.
242
00:12:03,847 --> 00:12:05,371
I should've kissed her.
243
00:12:05,482 --> 00:12:07,450
Well, maybe in a week
when she gets back from Orlando.
244
00:12:07,551 --> 00:12:09,917
A week? That's like a
year in hot-girl time.
245
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,044
She'll forget all about you.
246
00:12:11,155 --> 00:12:14,454
Mark my words,
you will never see that one again.
247
00:12:15,092 --> 00:12:16,389
There she is.
248
00:12:16,927 --> 00:12:19,418
She's cute. Hey, Carl, turn it up.
249
00:12:19,830 --> 00:12:21,422
Persuaded him to reconsider,
250
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,830
At which point
the man came down off the ledge,
251
00:12:23,934 --> 00:12:26,562
giving this bizarre story a happy ending,
252
00:12:27,004 --> 00:12:28,164
Reporting from Metro 1 News,
253
00:12:28,272 --> 00:12:30,263
- back to you, Bill,
- The guy didn't jump.
254
00:12:30,874 --> 00:12:32,603
I'm gonna go kiss her.
255
00:12:32,709 --> 00:12:34,870
- Right now.
- Look, dude, it's midnight.
256
00:12:34,978 --> 00:12:38,914
As your future lawyer,
I'm gonna advise you that's freaking crazy.
257
00:12:39,016 --> 00:12:40,313
I never do anything crazy.
258
00:12:40,417 --> 00:12:43,045
I'm always waiting for the moment,
planning the moment.
259
00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:45,212
Well, she's leaving tomorrow
and this may be the only moment
260
00:12:45,322 --> 00:12:46,516
I'm gonna get.
261
00:12:46,623 --> 00:12:50,150
I gotta do what that guy couldn't.
I gotta take the leap.
262
00:12:50,761 --> 00:12:51,955
Okay, not a perfect metaphor
263
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,586
'cause for me
it's fall in love and get married
264
00:12:53,697 --> 00:12:55,597
and for him it's death.
265
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,625
Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.
266
00:12:59,603 --> 00:13:02,299
By the way, did I congratulate you two?
267
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,473
- I'm doing this.
- Let's go.
268
00:13:05,609 --> 00:13:08,043
- Word up.
- We're coming with you.
269
00:13:08,512 --> 00:13:09,672
Barney?
270
00:13:10,881 --> 00:13:13,349
All right, but under one condition.
271
00:13:14,651 --> 00:13:17,245
Look at you, you beautiful bastard,
you suited up.
272
00:13:17,354 --> 00:13:19,720
This is totally going in my blog.
273
00:13:20,657 --> 00:13:23,217
Stop the car. Pull over right here.
274
00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,058
I gotta do something.
275
00:13:26,496 --> 00:13:28,896
Excuse me. Pardon me, just a sec.
276
00:13:29,066 --> 00:13:30,499
- Enjoy your coffee.
- Hey!
277
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,068
Hey!
278
00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:34,063
Go, go, go!
279
00:13:36,974 --> 00:13:38,942
Everybody brings flowers.
280
00:13:48,058 --> 00:13:49,992
Okay, moment of truth.
281
00:13:51,228 --> 00:13:54,959
- Wish me luck.
- Ted's gonna get it on with a TV reporter.
282
00:13:55,566 --> 00:13:57,659
"This just in." Okay.
283
00:14:01,238 --> 00:14:04,401
- Kiss her, Ted. Kiss her good.
- Kiss the crap out of that girl.
284
00:14:04,508 --> 00:14:06,601
Marshall, remember this night.
285
00:14:06,710 --> 00:14:09,270
When you're the best man at our wedding
and you give a speech,
286
00:14:09,379 --> 00:14:10,971
you're gonna tell this story.
287
00:14:12,749 --> 00:14:14,774
Why does he get to be the best man?
288
00:14:14,885 --> 00:14:16,853
I'm your best friend!
289
00:14:17,588 --> 00:14:21,354
As I walked up to that door,
a million thoughts raced through my mind,
290
00:14:21,458 --> 00:14:23,858
Unfortunately,
one particular thought did not,
291
00:14:23,961 --> 00:14:25,428
I've got five dogs.
292
00:14:27,731 --> 00:14:29,494
Not good, not good,
293
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:30,760
- No!
- Get back in there.
294
00:14:30,867 --> 00:14:32,494
You're wearing a suit!
295
00:14:36,506 --> 00:14:37,530
Ted?
296
00:14:38,575 --> 00:14:39,564
Hi.
297
00:14:42,145 --> 00:14:43,669
I was just...
298
00:14:47,918 --> 00:14:49,249
Come on up.
299
00:14:51,421 --> 00:14:52,615
He's in.
300
00:14:53,924 --> 00:14:58,156
So, Ranjit, you must have done it
with a Lebanese girl?
301
00:14:58,262 --> 00:15:00,526
Okay, that's my Barney limit.
302
00:15:00,631 --> 00:15:02,826
I'm gonna see
if that bodega has a bathroom.
303
00:15:03,734 --> 00:15:06,669
Actually, I'm from Bangladesh.
304
00:15:06,770 --> 00:15:10,297
- The women hot there?
- Here's a picture of my wife.
305
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,410
A simple "no"
would have sufficed.
306
00:15:16,179 --> 00:15:17,612
She's lovely.
307
00:15:18,849 --> 00:15:23,513
So, Ted, what brings you back to Brooklyn
at 1:00 in the morning in a suit?
308
00:15:25,122 --> 00:15:26,885
I was just hoping to
309
00:15:27,724 --> 00:15:29,123
get those olives
310
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,552
that you said I could have.
311
00:15:31,662 --> 00:15:34,722
Would you like those olives
with some gin and vermouth?
312
00:15:34,831 --> 00:15:37,095
Are you trying to get me drunk?
313
00:15:41,204 --> 00:15:43,001
For starters.
314
00:15:46,643 --> 00:15:48,270
Thank you.
315
00:15:50,047 --> 00:15:53,483
So, Marshall,
this Olive Theory based on you and Lily.
316
00:15:53,583 --> 00:15:55,278
- Yeah.
- You hate olives.
317
00:15:55,385 --> 00:15:58,582
- Lily loves them, you can't stand them.
- Yeah, I hate olives.
318
00:15:58,689 --> 00:16:00,884
Two weeks ago,
Spanish bar on 79th Street.
319
00:16:00,991 --> 00:16:03,391
Dish of olives. You had some. What up?
320
00:16:07,064 --> 00:16:09,897
You have to swear
that this does not leave this cab.
321
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,125
- I swear.
- I swear.
322
00:16:14,404 --> 00:16:16,872
On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad.
323
00:16:16,973 --> 00:16:19,066
Lily asked if she could have my olives.
324
00:16:19,176 --> 00:16:21,576
I said, "Sure, I hate olives."
325
00:16:21,678 --> 00:16:23,339
But you like olives.
326
00:16:23,447 --> 00:16:26,007
Well, I was 18, okay? I was a virgin.
327
00:16:26,116 --> 00:16:29,085
Been waiting my whole life
for a pretty girl to want my olives.
328
00:16:30,354 --> 00:16:33,380
Marshall, I'm gonna give you
an early wedding present.
329
00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:35,117
Don't get married.
330
00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:46,133
I think I like your Olive Theory.
331
00:16:46,803 --> 00:16:49,294
I think I like your new French horn.
332
00:16:49,806 --> 00:16:51,774
I think I like your nose.
333
00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:54,837
I think I'm in love with you.
334
00:16:54,945 --> 00:16:55,934
What?
335
00:16:56,046 --> 00:16:57,013
What?
336
00:16:57,114 --> 00:16:58,081
What?
337
00:16:58,315 --> 00:17:00,374
Come on, man, you said your stomach's
been hurting, right?
338
00:17:00,484 --> 00:17:04,250
You know what that is? Hunger.
You're hungry for experience.
339
00:17:04,354 --> 00:17:08,256
Hungry for something new.
Hungry for olives.
340
00:17:08,692 --> 00:17:11,183
But you're too scared
to do anything about it.
341
00:17:11,294 --> 00:17:13,319
Yeah, I'm scared, okay?
342
00:17:14,831 --> 00:17:18,232
But when I think of spending
the rest of my life with Lily,
343
00:17:18,335 --> 00:17:20,860
committing forever, no other women,
344
00:17:21,972 --> 00:17:23,906
doesn't scare me at all.
345
00:17:24,574 --> 00:17:26,439
I'm marrying that girl.
346
00:17:28,044 --> 00:17:29,136
Lily.
347
00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:31,743
Lily, I like olives.
348
00:17:32,749 --> 00:17:34,444
We'll make it work.
349
00:17:46,496 --> 00:17:49,294
So, Orlando? You gonna hit Disney World?
350
00:17:50,734 --> 00:17:52,827
- You love me?
- Oh, God.
351
00:17:53,537 --> 00:17:56,005
I can't believe I said that.
Why did I say that?
352
00:17:56,106 --> 00:17:57,596
Who says that?
353
00:17:58,141 --> 00:18:00,234
- I should just go.
- Hold on.
354
00:18:00,844 --> 00:18:02,311
Wait a minute.
355
00:18:04,714 --> 00:18:06,045
I promised you these.
356
00:18:06,183 --> 00:18:07,172
- Olives.
- Yeah.
357
00:18:07,284 --> 00:18:09,081
Thanks. I love you.
358
00:18:09,186 --> 00:18:11,017
What is wrong with me?
359
00:18:12,956 --> 00:18:15,754
Why are we still sitting here? Let's go.
We can still make last call.
360
00:18:15,859 --> 00:18:19,295
What do you say, Lil?
"Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum"?
361
00:18:22,032 --> 00:18:25,661
- 'Cause you're a pirate?
- Okay, eye patch gone.
362
00:18:26,169 --> 00:18:28,160
And we can't just abandon Ted.
363
00:18:28,371 --> 00:18:31,363
If it doesn't go well up there,
he's gonna need some support.
364
00:18:31,475 --> 00:18:34,410
It's been, like, 20 minutes.
Do you think they're doing it?
365
00:18:34,511 --> 00:18:36,035
You think they're doing it
in front of the dogs?
366
00:18:36,146 --> 00:18:37,738
Doggie style.
367
00:18:38,014 --> 00:18:40,107
I knew this girl in college,
she had this Golden Retriever...
368
00:18:40,217 --> 00:18:42,310
Okay, we can go to the bar.
Just stop talking.
369
00:18:42,419 --> 00:18:43,681
Hit it, Ranjit.
370
00:18:49,125 --> 00:18:51,218
So, when you tell this story
to your friends,
371
00:18:51,328 --> 00:18:53,262
could you avoid the word "psycho"?
372
00:18:53,563 --> 00:18:55,758
I'd prefer "eccentric."
373
00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:58,531
Goodnight, psycho.
374
00:19:03,273 --> 00:19:04,240
Great.
375
00:19:04,641 --> 00:19:06,768
- How do I get to the F train?
- Oh.
376
00:19:07,777 --> 00:19:11,110
- Two blocks, that way and take a right.
- Thanks.
377
00:19:14,017 --> 00:19:15,507
You know what?
378
00:19:16,653 --> 00:19:19,918
I'm done being single. I'm not good at it.
379
00:19:20,323 --> 00:19:22,951
Look, obviously,
you can't tell a woman you just met
380
00:19:23,059 --> 00:19:26,825
you love her, but it sucks that you can't.
381
00:19:28,298 --> 00:19:30,198
I'll tell you something, though.
If a woman,
382
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:33,133
not you, just some hypothetical woman,
383
00:19:33,236 --> 00:19:35,898
were to bear with me through all this,
384
00:19:36,006 --> 00:19:39,442
I think I'd make a damn good husband
because that's the stuff I'd be good at.
385
00:19:39,543 --> 00:19:43,411
Stuff like making her laugh
and being a good father
386
00:19:44,414 --> 00:19:46,974
and walking her five hypothetical dogs.
387
00:19:48,485 --> 00:19:50,009
Being a good kisser.
388
00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:55,180
- Everyone thinks they're a good kisser.
- Oh, I've got references.
389
00:19:55,926 --> 00:19:57,416
Goodnight, Ted.
390
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:07,731
- And I'm a good handshaker.
- That's a pretty great handshake.
391
00:20:11,975 --> 00:20:15,206
And that was it.
I'll probably never see her again.
392
00:20:18,148 --> 00:20:20,048
- What?
- That was the signal.
393
00:20:20,150 --> 00:20:23,677
That long, lingering handshake.
You should've kissed her.
394
00:20:24,154 --> 00:20:26,645
There's no such thing as the signal.
395
00:20:26,756 --> 00:20:29,020
But, yeah, that was the signal.
396
00:20:29,159 --> 00:20:30,319
Signal.
397
00:20:32,028 --> 00:20:34,963
Carl, thank you.
There's something I gotta do.
398
00:20:36,166 --> 00:20:38,726
By the way, you should've kissed her.
399
00:20:39,035 --> 00:20:41,196
Carl, you guys weren't there.
400
00:20:42,939 --> 00:20:45,032
I am so turned on right now.
401
00:20:46,009 --> 00:20:48,807
Guys, trust me. I've seen the signal.
402
00:20:49,112 --> 00:20:52,980
- That was not the signal.
- Yeah, Ted, we're not on you anymore.
403
00:20:53,650 --> 00:20:56,983
- To my fiancée.
- To the future.
404
00:20:57,087 --> 00:20:58,952
To one hell of a night.
405
00:21:02,459 --> 00:21:04,393
That was not the signal.
406
00:21:05,795 --> 00:21:09,731
I asked her about it years later,
and, yeah, that was the signal,
407
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,232
I could've kissed her,
408
00:21:11,334 --> 00:21:15,168
But that's the funny thing about destiny,
it happens whether you plan it or not,
409
00:21:15,271 --> 00:21:17,296
I mean, I never thought
I'd see that girl again,
410
00:21:17,407 --> 00:21:18,533
But it turns out,
411
00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:21,770
I was just too close to the puzzle
to see the picture that was forming,
412
00:21:21,878 --> 00:21:24,346
Because that, kids, is the true story
413
00:21:24,447 --> 00:21:26,608
of how I met your Aunt Robin.
414
00:21:27,684 --> 00:21:29,208
Aunt Robin?
415
00:21:29,319 --> 00:21:31,082
I thought this was how you met Mom.
416
00:21:31,187 --> 00:21:33,212
Will you relax? I'm getting to it.
417
00:21:33,757 --> 00:21:37,056
Like I said, it's a long story.
32148
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