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1
00:00:02,030 --> 00:00:04,020
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
2
00:00:04,030 --> 00:00:05,690
Ooh, "nothing" means the
best kind of something.
3
00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:07,690
- Let me see.
- No.
4
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:10,290
- You...
- Ow!
5
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:14,130
(Gasps) Will's online dating profile?
6
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:17,100
Thank you, Santa.
7
00:00:17,110 --> 00:00:18,800
A lot of people are doing it.
8
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,940
Yeah, a lot of losers.
9
00:00:20,950 --> 00:00:22,270
Oh, cut him some slack.
10
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,270
He's had a hard time meeting
women since the divorce.
11
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,470
And who says my dream woman
12
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:26,780
isn't waiting for me on the Internet?
13
00:00:26,790 --> 00:00:28,880
And who says she won't turn out to be
14
00:00:28,890 --> 00:00:31,020
a 50-year-old guy from Encino?
15
00:00:32,290 --> 00:00:33,780
Hi, Will. You like the picture of me
16
00:00:33,790 --> 00:00:35,280
in the pretty sundress?
17
00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:38,360
(Deep voice): Well,
surprise, here are my balls.
18
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:53,570
C17
19
00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:55,300
This book that mommy's making you
20
00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:57,810
is gonna get you into
the best preschool ever.
21
00:00:57,820 --> 00:01:00,310
Aw. Charlie, here you are at the park.
22
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,310
And here you are eating ice cream.
23
00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,680
And here you are playing first cello
24
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,060
with the L.A. symphony orchestra.
25
00:01:07,190 --> 00:01:09,420
- Thank you, Photoshop.
- Wow, honey.
26
00:01:09,430 --> 00:01:10,990
Applying to preschool's really brought out
27
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,990
the crazy-ass crazy in you.
28
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,790
Okay, Crestlake kids get into
the best elementary schools,
29
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:15,860
and then the best high schools,
30
00:01:15,870 --> 00:01:18,190
and then, of course, the best colleges.
31
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,760
Charlie, this book is just
gonna make the other toddlers
32
00:01:20,770 --> 00:01:23,330
look like a bunch of d-bags.
33
00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:24,670
Come on, big boy.
34
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,500
Let's go put the best
diaper on that best butt.
35
00:01:26,510 --> 00:01:28,170
Here we go.
36
00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:30,010
Guys, something terrible happened.
37
00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:31,870
My assistant's mother died.
38
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,680
That is terrible.
39
00:01:33,690 --> 00:01:38,090
I know. She's taking the whole week off.
40
00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,380
Well, if you need an assistant, I can do it.
41
00:01:41,390 --> 00:01:42,890
I don't have any auditions this week,
42
00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:44,350
and I could really use the money.
43
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,790
Oh, yeah, it's just that I
need someone who's efficient,
44
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,360
discreet, detail-oriented.
45
00:01:50,370 --> 00:01:52,800
Sounds like you don't think I can do it.
46
00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:55,060
Oh, good, then I'm being clear.
47
00:01:55,070 --> 00:01:57,070
See, here's the thing.
48
00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:00,540
Working for Kate can be very... difficult.
49
00:02:00,550 --> 00:02:03,540
I'm sorry, honey, I just really
need someone who's professional.
50
00:02:03,550 --> 00:02:07,480
Oh, you still blame me for
the delta pi spring formal.
51
00:02:07,490 --> 00:02:10,210
You beg to be my co-chair, and I let you.
52
00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:11,710
But you screwed up the booze order,
53
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,580
and we ran out of drinks by 9:00.
54
00:02:13,590 --> 00:02:16,050
I had to have sex with a freshman...
55
00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:17,920
(Whispers): Sober.
56
00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,560
Okay, that was ten years ago.
57
00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:21,420
Please just give me a chance.
58
00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:23,560
(Sighs) All right, fine.
59
00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:25,690
Plus, I can get you
cheaper than a real person,
60
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:27,100
so let's give it a shot.
61
00:02:27,110 --> 00:02:30,230
(High-pitched): I'm gonna
be the best assistant ever.
62
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,840
Don't use that voice at work.
63
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:36,610
- Hi, Lowell.
- Hey.
64
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:38,240
Hi. Can we have two coffees to go, please?
65
00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:39,250
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
66
00:02:39,251 --> 00:02:40,680
Yeah, we're kind of in a hurry
67
00:02:40,690 --> 00:02:42,180
to get to this preschool interview.
68
00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:44,750
Aw, our Charlie's going to preschool.
69
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:45,920
Oh, if we get in.
70
00:02:45,930 --> 00:02:47,680
I just, I can't believe that you wore jeans.
71
00:02:47,690 --> 00:02:49,850
Why didn't you wear what I laid out for you?
72
00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:51,790
- 'Cause I'm not three.
- Okay, let's go over it
73
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,690
- one more time.
- We don't need to go over it
74
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:55,120
- one more time.
- Okay, you say that,
75
00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:56,590
but then you get in the room,
76
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,430
you get nervous, and you just fall apart.
77
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,360
So, remember.
78
00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:01,760
Don't over-nod.
79
00:03:01,770 --> 00:03:03,870
Mm-hmm. Don't keep saying "awesome."
80
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,430
I will try to contain my awesomes.
81
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,940
And don't answer a question with a question.
82
00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:09,140
We clear?
83
00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:11,370
Why don't you just shove your hand up my ass
84
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:14,280
and operate my mouth?
85
00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:15,780
Question with a question.
86
00:03:15,790 --> 00:03:18,020
And, yes, if that were an
option, we'd already be there.
87
00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:23,790
Look at the parents in this brochure.
88
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,790
Okay? Gay, lesbian, Indian, handicapped.
89
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,790
Handicapped and Indian... lucky.
90
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:29,960
(Sighs)
91
00:03:29,970 --> 00:03:32,460
We are so ordinary, we don't have a prayer.
92
00:03:32,470 --> 00:03:34,560
Why do we have to be so Caucasian?
93
00:03:34,570 --> 00:03:36,470
Andi, will you stop worrying?
94
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,800
She's gonna love us, she's
gonna love the album you made.
95
00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:39,810
Oh, my god, the album.
96
00:03:39,811 --> 00:03:41,300
Oh, no, no, no. No, no.
97
00:03:41,310 --> 00:03:43,010
I left the album at namaste.
98
00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:44,010
We've got nothing.
99
00:03:44,020 --> 00:03:45,310
No, we're good people. (Scoffs)
100
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:46,410
We love our son.
101
00:03:46,420 --> 00:03:48,220
We have nothing.
102
00:03:49,590 --> 00:03:51,310
Good morning, I'm Frances Bowmont.
103
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:52,650
Shall we?
104
00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:54,820
Nice to meet you, Mrs. Bowmont-shall we.
105
00:03:54,830 --> 00:03:56,150
- (Laughs)
- (Chuckles)
106
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:57,790
He's being funny.
107
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,320
Don't be funny.
108
00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:00,990
Please, follow me, and let's find out
109
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,330
if you and Crestlake are a good fit.
110
00:04:03,340 --> 00:04:06,030
Okay, I guess it's do-or-die time.
111
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:07,430
Now or never.
112
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,770
All comes down to this.
113
00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:11,500
(Whimpers softly)
114
00:04:11,510 --> 00:04:13,240
Come on, let's go.
115
00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:20,380
Well, then.
116
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:21,840
How are we today?
117
00:04:21,850 --> 00:04:23,010
- Good, good.
- Yeah.
118
00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:25,610
So good, we're really, we're just so good.
119
00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:27,450
And, um...
120
00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:29,790
Plus, also, I might add,
uh, lovers of education.
121
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,190
And Charlie, too, he loves it.
122
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,120
He loves math and science and the, uh,
123
00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:35,490
the-the English and... All the other ones.
124
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,970
All the educations. (Chuckles)
125
00:04:39,470 --> 00:04:41,060
Are you okay?
126
00:04:41,070 --> 00:04:43,300
Me? (Laughs nervously)
127
00:04:43,310 --> 00:04:44,670
I'm awesome.
128
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,240
(Laughs)
129
00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:49,570
Good morning, Ms. Pearce.
130
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,140
Hey, Jules, would you like a muffin?
131
00:04:51,150 --> 00:04:52,410
Oh, no, I'm good, actually.
132
00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:53,980
Don't like to eat on the job.
133
00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:55,080
That was a friendship offer,
134
00:04:55,090 --> 00:04:56,550
and you gave me a business response.
135
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,580
- Excellent.
- Oh.
136
00:04:58,590 --> 00:04:59,920
That's not a real muffin, anyway.
137
00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:01,420
It's a scented candle.
138
00:05:01,430 --> 00:05:02,820
Now as you know,
139
00:05:02,830 --> 00:05:05,220
I manage the online presence of celebrities,
140
00:05:05,230 --> 00:05:07,890
so you can't freak out
if, say, Beyonc? calls.
141
00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:10,560
I would say, "Hello, Mrs. Carter."
142
00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:14,760
Inside, I'd be doing my happy
dance, but she would never know.
143
00:05:14,770 --> 00:05:16,000
Excellent.
144
00:05:16,010 --> 00:05:18,070
Uh, now, I need you to get Andi a gift
145
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,040
to thank her for
recommending a birthing class
146
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:21,740
to one of Justin Bieber's people.
147
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:23,570
So, just pick out something she'll like.
148
00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:25,870
Are you sure you trust me to do this?
149
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,510
I mean, you're a legendary gift giver.
150
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,180
There's no way I can compete with that.
151
00:05:29,190 --> 00:05:30,410
I know, I'm just really busy.
152
00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:32,010
Last night, Rihanna assaulted a stewardess
153
00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:33,850
with an airsickness bag.
154
00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:36,790
So, I'm just really stressed out.
155
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,500
Light my muffin.
156
00:05:40,930 --> 00:05:42,590
That is when we realized that Charlie
157
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,170
had some deep insights into life.
158
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,260
So, he's two?
159
00:05:47,270 --> 00:05:48,610
He's whatever age you want him to be.
160
00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:54,540
Well, I think I've heard enough.
161
00:05:55,550 --> 00:05:58,020
(Loud, echoing boom)
162
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,410
Oh, g'day, g'day.
163
00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:01,740
Sorry I didn't get here sooner.
164
00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:03,450
I got the brief history of our Charlie.
165
00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:05,780
This place is great.
166
00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:08,320
All the green space, the
sustainable playground,
167
00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:09,720
the solar panels.
168
00:06:09,730 --> 00:06:12,250
And that garden?
169
00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:14,820
I just love the idea of
Charlie running around here,
170
00:06:14,830 --> 00:06:17,290
growing his own snacks.
171
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:20,330
Sustainability's very important to us here.
172
00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:21,630
Oh, and good on you.
173
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,230
Bringing it home for our Charlie.
174
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,970
You know, I'm a little confused.
175
00:06:24,980 --> 00:06:28,510
Why do you keep referring to
their son as "our Charlie"?
176
00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:34,940
Because he's the dad. (Chuckles)
177
00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:36,410
Say again?
178
00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:39,320
I thought Dr. McAllister was the dad.
179
00:06:39,330 --> 00:06:40,780
(Chuckles): Well... Uh, he is, he is.
180
00:06:40,790 --> 00:06:42,580
- Of course I'm...
- He and Lowell.
181
00:06:42,590 --> 00:06:43,650
They're gay.
182
00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:44,750
They're-they're...
183
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,190
They're, uh, they're-they're...
184
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,860
They're gay dads. Two gay dads.
185
00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:49,990
(Laughs) And I'm the, uh, the-the...
186
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,330
The surrogate.
187
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:53,830
Got another one in the oven 'cause I just...
188
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,070
Love me some gay, gay dads.
189
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,830
Two dads,
190
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,840
and a highly involved surrogate mother.
191
00:07:00,850 --> 00:07:02,170
Mm-hmm.
192
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:05,210
We don't have one of those.
193
00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:07,280
194
00:07:14,190 --> 00:07:15,520
I'm back! Where have you been?
195
00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:17,050
The phone's been blowing up.
196
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:19,320
Oh, I've been searching
like crazy for Andi's gift.
197
00:07:19,330 --> 00:07:21,520
I-I broke a nail, I broke a heel,
198
00:07:21,530 --> 00:07:23,860
but I finally found the
perfect silver... Jules,
199
00:07:23,870 --> 00:07:26,200
I don't have time for this.
Just handle it like an adult.
200
00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:28,270
(Phone ringing)
201
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:32,200
Kate Pearce's office.
202
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:33,540
Will: Jules, it's Will.
203
00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:34,570
Put Kate on.
204
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,800
Hold a moment.
205
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:38,210
It's a Dr. William Stokes on the line.
206
00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:39,710
Okay, here's a list of three things.
207
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,140
Do them all first.
208
00:07:41,150 --> 00:07:42,410
On it.
209
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,810
You have 30 seconds. Go.
210
00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:45,180
Hey, remember how you said that online dating
211
00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:46,520
was just for losers?
212
00:07:46,530 --> 00:07:49,220
Well, this loser is getting a ton of winks
213
00:07:49,230 --> 00:07:51,090
from some very attractive women.
214
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,220
Russian brides?
215
00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:53,360
Lady hobbits?
216
00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:55,390
The incontinent?
217
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,390
Joke all you want, but I find
it ironic that you mock me,
218
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,400
and yet I am crushing it,
while you are all alone.
219
00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:04,430
I have plenty of dates, Will.
220
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:05,830
No, you have plenty of sex
221
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,100
with questionable men.
222
00:08:07,110 --> 00:08:09,240
I don't need to go online
to meet eligible men.
223
00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:11,270
I get it. You're afraid
you won't get any winks.
224
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,010
Please, I would get a ton of winks.
225
00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:14,510
Really? I think you'd be winkless.
226
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,750
I would out-wink you ten to one.
227
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:17,910
I doubt it.
228
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,120
I'm Abraham Winkin.
229
00:08:21,430 --> 00:08:23,590
I'm Rip Van Winkle.
230
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,660
I'm the Wink Panther.
231
00:08:27,430 --> 00:08:29,170
Oh, I am a delight.
232
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,390
Winkless.
233
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:33,930
(Sighs)
234
00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:37,270
All right, eHarmony, I will give you a shot.
235
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,540
Five words to describe me.
236
00:08:39,550 --> 00:08:42,540
Strong, powerful,
237
00:08:42,550 --> 00:08:46,410
driven, relentless...
238
00:08:46,420 --> 00:08:48,490
fun.
239
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,580
Bobby, please, can we just let it go?
240
00:08:54,590 --> 00:08:56,150
Oh, yeah, you're right. What's the big deal?
241
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,050
I mean, I woke up this
morning married to a woman,
242
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,660
and now I'm married to a man.
243
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:04,490
I'm sorry. I-I saw us going
down in flames and I panicked.
244
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,600
(Chuckles) No, no. We
weren't going down in flames,
245
00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:08,400
you were going down in flames.
246
00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:09,630
With your awesomes and your nodding
247
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,730
and all the things you told me not to do.
248
00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:13,470
I'm sorry, I got nervous.
249
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,970
It's unethical, not to mention crazy.
250
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:16,640
Andi, call her and tell her the truth.
251
00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:18,640
- Fine.
- (Charlie crying)
252
00:09:18,650 --> 00:09:20,780
- You're up.
- (Knocking)
253
00:09:20,790 --> 00:09:22,980
- Hi, girls.
- Hey. - Hi.
254
00:09:22,990 --> 00:09:24,480
So, how'd it go at work?
255
00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:27,150
Jules was fantastically adequate.
256
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,250
Oh. Aw, thank you.
257
00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:29,650
Sure. Uh, so listen,
258
00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:31,690
we're on our way to spin, but (Snaps fingers)
259
00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:33,790
I wanted to drop a little
something off for you
260
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,820
to thank you for helping me
with the Bieber thing. (Gasps)
261
00:09:35,830 --> 00:09:37,160
Aw.
262
00:09:37,170 --> 00:09:38,660
(Gasps)
263
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:41,360
Silver elephant salt and pepper shakers.
264
00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:43,200
They're beautiful.
265
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:45,000
You remembered that I love elephants.
266
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:46,010
Yeah, yeah.
267
00:09:46,011 --> 00:09:48,340
Of course, elephants...
268
00:09:48,350 --> 00:09:49,950
- Are your thing.
- Yeah.
269
00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:52,840
Actually, I-I'm the one who...
270
00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:54,510
Understands the distinction
271
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,050
between professional and personal,
272
00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:59,980
assistant and friend.
273
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:03,630
Alive and dead.
274
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:07,890
I just had a fantastic date.
275
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,230
Her name's Lila, and I
think she could be a keeper.
276
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,830
We met for coffee, coffee turned into a walk,
277
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:16,300
a walk evolved into meaningful
stares, suggestive silences
278
00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:17,970
and provocative hand-holding.
279
00:10:19,380 --> 00:10:21,040
So you're saying you spent the afternoon
280
00:10:21,050 --> 00:10:23,280
at a seventh grade dance.
281
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,140
I'm bringing her to dinner on Friday.
282
00:10:28,150 --> 00:10:30,550
Whoa, dinner with the group?
283
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:31,980
Bold move.
284
00:10:31,990 --> 00:10:34,320
- Bold guy.
- Mm.
285
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,220
Hope you won't feel weird being
the only one without a date.
286
00:10:36,230 --> 00:10:38,090
Actually, I didn't tell you this before,
287
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,390
but I, too, have found someone fantastic
288
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,230
with real long-term potential.
289
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,900
Wink back, wink back, wink back, wink back.
290
00:10:46,910 --> 00:10:50,730
One of you bastards has got
to be free Friday night.
291
00:10:50,740 --> 00:10:52,400
(Knocking) Jules: Kate?
292
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:54,540
Uh, not now, I'm...
293
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:56,280
Masturbating.
294
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,320
And I finished.
295
00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:08,250
Here is the Victoria Beckham file,
296
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:09,890
the monthly financials,
297
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:13,760
and here's the stab your
friends in the heart file.
298
00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:16,430
Well, this does not seem
like it's going to be good.
299
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,530
This is a list of all
the gifts "you've" bought
300
00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:20,860
for the last five years.
301
00:11:20,870 --> 00:11:22,630
I found it on Denise's computer.
302
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,430
Well, I don't think Denise
would appreciate you snooping...
303
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,600
You haven't picked one gift for any of us.
304
00:11:27,610 --> 00:11:30,610
Kate, you always talk about
personal versus professional,
305
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:32,740
and now you're using
professional for personal,
306
00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:34,280
and personally, I find that unprofessional,
307
00:11:34,290 --> 00:11:35,290
and I'm telling everyone.
308
00:11:35,291 --> 00:11:36,810
No, you're not.
309
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:38,580
Because I own everything you do and learn
310
00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:40,450
in this office from 9:00 to 5:00.
311
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:42,550
That is what it means to be professional.
312
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:45,450
So grow a thicker skin...
And let's go get a drink,
313
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,160
'cause it's 5:01, girl!
314
00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:49,200
What what? Friendship time!
315
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,570
All right, I'll catch you at the bar.
316
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,070
(Cell phone ringing)
317
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,640
Hello?
318
00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:05,510
Yes, this is she.
319
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,180
Really?
320
00:12:08,190 --> 00:12:10,150
Absolutely, yes, we'll be there.
321
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,650
Great, thank you.
322
00:12:11,660 --> 00:12:14,150
Guess who made it to their
second round of interviews
323
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,520
at Crestlake hills?
324
00:12:15,530 --> 00:12:16,920
That's great!
325
00:12:16,930 --> 00:12:19,560
And we didn't have to fabricate
a crazy gay dad story.
326
00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:22,520
You didn't call.
327
00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:24,190
I did...
328
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,770
Not call. Lowell?
329
00:12:27,270 --> 00:12:29,360
Are you free Monday at 11:00
for a second interview?
330
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:31,670
Absolutely! Anything for our Charlie.
331
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,840
All right, so, what, so if I don't go along
332
00:12:33,850 --> 00:12:35,870
with this, I'm the bad guy, right?
333
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,580
- Exactly.
- You'd be a monster.
334
00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,540
Okay, so, if we get in,
335
00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:43,680
Lowell and I are supposed
to pretend to be married
336
00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:44,850
for the next three years?
337
00:12:44,860 --> 00:12:46,280
No, of course not.
338
00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:48,520
If we get in, you guys will break up.
339
00:12:48,530 --> 00:12:50,850
You'll be two divorced gay dads.
340
00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:54,390
Oh, see, I don't know; Divorce
is really hard on kids.
341
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,600
Maybe we should stay together for Charlie.
342
00:13:05,790 --> 00:13:06,920
Andi: Okay, dads.
343
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:08,950
Let's put our heads
together. We need to come up
344
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,590
with a background story of how you two met.
345
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,820
So do you have any ideas?
346
00:13:11,830 --> 00:13:13,990
Okay, how about if we met surfing?
347
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,190
Yes, see that-that sounds cool.
348
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,830
I like that, I love that, I do, I do.
349
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,760
But what if instead of surfing,
you guys met at a museum?
350
00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:23,600
- Okay, yeah.
- Mm.
351
00:13:23,610 --> 00:13:25,200
Uh-huh. I like surfing.
352
00:13:25,210 --> 00:13:28,200
I-I still think, Bobby, that
your idea about the museum,
353
00:13:28,210 --> 00:13:29,370
so much stronger.
354
00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:30,910
Let's just stick with that, okay?
355
00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:34,680
She's a tough one, Bob.
356
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:37,090
At least we got each other.
357
00:13:38,790 --> 00:13:40,050
So you guys met online?
358
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:41,060
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
359
00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,850
I winked at him, and then we met,
360
00:13:42,860 --> 00:13:45,690
and he turned out to be so open and honest
361
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,600
and handsome. (Laughs)
362
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,290
I-I wouldn't say handsome, but...
363
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:53,060
I mean, since you did.
364
00:13:53,070 --> 00:13:55,200
You guys are so cute.
365
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,770
We are cute.
366
00:13:57,710 --> 00:13:59,970
I am here with my date.
367
00:13:59,980 --> 00:14:02,610
Spoiler alert, he's delightful.
368
00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:05,710
- How are you. Bobby.
- Hey, Tim Kayler.
369
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,040
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
370
00:14:07,050 --> 00:14:09,010
Hey, Tim Kayler. Nice to meet you.
371
00:14:09,020 --> 00:14:10,150
Tim Kayler. Pleasure.
372
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,660
- I'm Lowell.
- Fantastic.
373
00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:15,820
Hi, I'm Will. This is my date, Lila.
374
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:17,550
And this is my date, Tim Kayler.
375
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,660
How you doing? Tim Kayler.
376
00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:23,320
CEO of Kayler Microdevices.
377
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,430
Oh, really?
378
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,660
What is a microdevice?
379
00:14:25,670 --> 00:14:27,700
Oh, god, they're integral to everything,
380
00:14:27,710 --> 00:14:29,600
from the toys our children play with
381
00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:32,310
to the nerve gas that
kills our enemies. (Laughs)
382
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:34,940
How'd you two meet?
383
00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:36,270
Online.
384
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,840
Online?
385
00:14:37,850 --> 00:14:39,340
Kayler: Funny story.
386
00:14:39,350 --> 00:14:42,040
My company makes the
servers that power the site.
387
00:14:42,050 --> 00:14:44,510
God's honest truth.
388
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:45,820
Tim Kayler.
389
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,580
We just met.
390
00:14:49,590 --> 00:14:51,290
Okay, great to reconnect.
391
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,960
Hey, anybody else thirsty?
392
00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:56,260
I brought a mind-boggling barolo.
393
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,590
Oh, I love Italian wine.
394
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:58,930
You got to love Italian wine!
395
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,300
Am I right?
396
00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:03,360
Yeah, why don't we, uh, go
ahead and open up this...
397
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,600
Mind-boggling Italian wine for you guys.
398
00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:07,840
I'm full of baby, so I'm just gonna watch.
399
00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:11,610
So, uh, I thought you said
400
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,940
online dating was just for losers.
401
00:15:13,950 --> 00:15:14,950
Oh, I thought it was,
402
00:15:14,951 --> 00:15:16,780
but when I saw how well you were doing,
403
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,280
I decided to stick my toe in,
404
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:21,190
and that little piggy found
itself some Tim Kayler.
405
00:15:22,490 --> 00:15:25,290
You know what? I'm-I'm
just happy you're happy.
406
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:29,720
And I'm happy my date blows
your date out of the water.
407
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:31,630
You don't even know Lila.
408
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,060
Is she a millionaire with a private jet?
409
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:35,400
'Cause you know who is?
410
00:15:35,410 --> 00:15:37,930
Kayler: Salute!
411
00:15:37,940 --> 00:15:39,540
All: Salute.
412
00:15:41,180 --> 00:15:42,880
(Whispers): Tim Kayler.
413
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,470
Hey, did you guys hear
Lila works for a foundation
414
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,680
that feeds children in Africa?
415
00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:50,850
We put together packages
to send to impoverished
416
00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:52,510
and war-torn areas.
417
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,250
Just when you think Lila
can't get any better, bam!
418
00:15:55,260 --> 00:15:57,820
Some poor kid in Africa
gets his belly filled.
419
00:15:57,830 --> 00:16:01,090
Wait, are you with hands across Africa?
420
00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:04,760
Kayler Microdevices is a proud
sponsor of hands across Africa!
421
00:16:04,770 --> 00:16:06,090
(Laughs)
422
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:07,330
Kate: Do you hear that?
423
00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:10,100
My date sponsors your date,
424
00:16:10,110 --> 00:16:13,170
so suck it.
425
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,600
(Laughs)
426
00:16:14,610 --> 00:16:16,040
(Sighs): Oh, this one.
427
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,010
She's a firecracker.
428
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,840
I want to take you to Paris.
429
00:16:19,850 --> 00:16:21,340
Kate: Oh, my god.
430
00:16:21,350 --> 00:16:23,040
You hear that?
431
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:26,010
Yeah, I heard it; I'm right here.
432
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:27,180
- Wow, Paris.
- That's amazing.
433
00:16:27,190 --> 00:16:29,120
How come you never take me to Paris?
434
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:30,650
If I'm taking anybody to Paris,
435
00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:32,020
it's gonna be my husband.
436
00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:34,060
(Scoffs)
437
00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:35,600
Bob, you're the best.
438
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,860
It's funny because you
mocked me for being single,
439
00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:41,200
and yet here I am
440
00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:43,530
with the perfect date.
441
00:16:43,540 --> 00:16:46,470
So, when are we going to Paris?
442
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,740
- Tomorrow.
- (Gasps)
443
00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:50,480
And that's when I'm gonna put a baby in you.
444
00:16:56,190 --> 00:16:57,580
What?
445
00:16:57,590 --> 00:17:00,080
Mm-hmm. You will give birth to my heir.
446
00:17:00,090 --> 00:17:02,180
And if it's a girl, we'll just keep trying
447
00:17:02,190 --> 00:17:03,460
till you get it right.
448
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,130
Salute!
449
00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:19,370
You may want to come back in here.
450
00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:21,440
He's talking baby names.
451
00:17:23,450 --> 00:17:26,740
Do you want to torture me,
or can I just admit defeat?
452
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,910
You won, okay? Congratulations.
453
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,850
Kate, it was never supposed
to be a competition.
454
00:17:31,860 --> 00:17:34,120
Yeah, I know, it's just...
455
00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:37,250
You know, when you met someone
you actually liked, I panicked.
456
00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:39,090
(Chuckles): One date.
457
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,420
Yeah, but look how fast
it happened for Jules.
458
00:17:41,430 --> 00:17:43,960
I mean, up until today,
459
00:17:43,970 --> 00:17:47,040
you and I were partners in misery.
460
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,600
Now...
461
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:53,540
What if I end up being the only
single one left in our group?
462
00:17:56,610 --> 00:17:59,350
What if I never find anyone?
463
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:02,890
You will.
464
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:05,280
You're great.
465
00:18:05,290 --> 00:18:07,220
You're-you're too great to be summed up
466
00:18:07,230 --> 00:18:09,560
in an online dating profile.
467
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:14,030
You're an amazing, strong, beautiful woman.
468
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:19,040
Tim Kayler wouldn't put
his baby in just anyone.
469
00:18:21,140 --> 00:18:23,300
Come on, let's go make fun of him together.
470
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,830
(Laughs)
471
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,680
I'd like that.
472
00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:31,140
What's going on? Where's Lila?
473
00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:34,810
She excused herself to go
to the bathroom and left.
474
00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:36,910
With all of our wallets.
475
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,780
What?
476
00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:41,120
No, she didn't, mine's right...
477
00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:42,250
Son of a...
478
00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:45,450
So, little miss feed the
children is a criminal.
479
00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:48,090
Which means you lose, I
win, and it's too late
480
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:51,690
to take back all those nice things you said.
481
00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:54,260
Oh, hey, good news everybody!
482
00:18:54,270 --> 00:18:56,340
She didn't take my cocaine!
483
00:18:59,980 --> 00:19:02,040
All right, it's a tie.
484
00:19:04,794 --> 00:19:06,470
Okay, one last time.
485
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,480
Your hobbies include
racquetball and antiquing.
486
00:19:08,490 --> 00:19:09,840
Okay.
487
00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:11,950
Okay, you know what? Let
me deal with the backstory,
488
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,620
you guys just sit there and look pretty.
489
00:19:16,190 --> 00:19:18,220
I'm ready for you.
490
00:19:18,230 --> 00:19:20,660
Oh, uh, just the parents.
491
00:19:20,670 --> 00:19:21,930
Oh.
492
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,530
Interesting.
493
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:26,630
Just the parents.
494
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,900
Bowmont: You know, I never did hear
495
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,530
how the two of you met.
496
00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:32,480
Oh, surfing.
497
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,380
(All laughing)
498
00:19:40,390 --> 00:19:42,480
Mrs. Bowmont! I love it, I love that.
499
00:19:42,490 --> 00:19:43,880
Oh, my goodness.
500
00:19:43,890 --> 00:19:45,710
Congratulations. Here's
your enrollment packet.
501
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:46,850
Thank you.
502
00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:48,350
I look forward to seeing you soon.
503
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:49,360
See you soon.
504
00:19:49,361 --> 00:19:50,820
Enrollment packet?
505
00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:52,490
We've been accepted.
506
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:55,820
(Laughs): Oh, my god, that's awesome!
507
00:19:55,830 --> 00:19:57,730
Turns out, they like a gay surfing couple
508
00:19:57,740 --> 00:19:59,390
who doesn't like racquetball or antiquing.
509
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,270
(Lowell and Bobby grunting)
510
00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:05,370
Honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
511
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,370
I know that I've just been so crazy lately,
512
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,570
but I just...
513
00:20:08,580 --> 00:20:10,270
I needed to make sure that Charlie
514
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,010
was going to be in the best hands.
515
00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:14,180
It's okay. And I know preschool's a big step.
516
00:20:14,190 --> 00:20:15,680
For you and Charlie.
517
00:20:15,690 --> 00:20:17,910
I love you. Get over here.
518
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:18,920
I love you.
519
00:20:18,921 --> 00:20:20,580
Aw, see, that's romance, that is...
520
00:20:20,590 --> 00:20:21,590
Bloody disgusting!
521
00:20:21,591 --> 00:20:23,360
Get off my husband!
522
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,260
What if we had some kind of freaky
523
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:31,390
three-way thing going on?
524
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,340
Do you have one of those?
525
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,900
Jules, those shoes are gorgeous.
526
00:20:39,910 --> 00:20:42,640
Thank you. Kate got them for me.
527
00:20:42,650 --> 00:20:44,540
I did?
528
00:20:44,550 --> 00:20:45,610
Yes, remember?
529
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,310
To thank me for being such a great assistant.
530
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,780
So professional and so discreet.
531
00:20:50,790 --> 00:20:53,550
Ah, now I remember.
532
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,920
You are such a good gift giver.
533
00:20:55,930 --> 00:20:59,450
I mean, these are so me
and clearly so expensive.
534
00:20:59,460 --> 00:21:01,260
Bracelet, too?
535
00:21:01,270 --> 00:21:03,760
Oh. So generous.
536
00:21:03,770 --> 00:21:06,430
You're fired.
537
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,440
C17
538
00:21:09,490 --> 00:21:14,040
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