Original subtitles

I didn't know you smoked.

I'm a man full of surprises.

Well...

I must say I'm surprised you didn't last longer though.

We were on for 8 hours.

That's not enough?

I must say you had some really nice moves.

Thank you very much.

What do you think of the wiggly dog huh?

I really liked him.

Where did you learn that?

Can't tell you. It's a family secret.

No, it isn't.

Rohan, what the hell are you doing here?

We saw it on www.japanesesex.com/wigglydog

No, that's not true.

Oh my God! You have Internet? At home?

Oh no we go to a cyber cafe.

It's like 30 bucks an hour, but then we get like 5 bucks off because we know the guy!

Dude! What the hell are you doing here?

This is my 'me' time. - No.

We were supposed to be recording our album today.

What? That was today?

No!

It was actually yesterday.

Jason, what are you doing here?

We had the studio only for one day.

Oh no!

Now it's gone. - No, it's not.

Now...

We'll never make it big!

Kenny, I can't be with you if you're not successful.

Yeah, you've lost Soundarya.

No. - You've lost me.

You lost your music. You lost everything, Kenneth.

No!

No, mamma.

Oh man!

Oh my God!

It was just a dream.

Ready for round 2?

Jason!

You're still in the dream.

I had like the weirdest dream.

What's going on?

You're still in it.

NOOOOO!

Hi, where's Abhijeet?

Oh sorry!

You're practising?

This is Abhijeet's studio, right?

Dude!

What the hell is this place?

I don't know man.

Jason said, this is the only thing that fits our budget.

You can see this is an egg carton, right?

I can see it. I'm not blind.

You call this sound proofing... - Hey, what's up?

I'm Abhijeet.

Oh nice, I'm Kenneth.

Nice to meet you.

Rohan.

Ah! You're the guys Jason sent.

Yeah! This is the right place, right?

Does it look like the kitchen, dude?

It is the place, bro.

You want to help me with the last bit of sound proofing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cool. - Yeah, okay.

Sure.

Yeah, that's fresh, dude.

I just re-did the whole wall last night...

Because Jason's my man.

And if Jason's my man...

Then you are my...

Men? - Friends, dude.

Jason's a regular customer.

Cool.

Oh so, Jason usually comes here with...?

You just had an omelette half an hour ago.

Because we have clients over here.

Take care of my mom... I take care of my mom!

I do most of the work.

Okay, fine. The rectal medication is a little difficult to administer.

I'm so sorry, I took you for granted.

I love you too, babe.

No, I can't make you an omelette.

All right, guys. Why are we wasting time over here?

Dude, let's go. I charge by the hour.

The time has already started?

The moment you walked in, dude.

I'm a professional.

Let's go to the studio.

Yeah.

Of course.

Wait.

This is the studio!

This is the studio?

Of course it is.

Go hook up your guitar there.

Let's go, man.

Which one's the jack?

Right there, dude.

This is all tangled up and shit.

Yeah, cables do that shit.

Let's go, guys. Come on.

Dude, this is a rice strainer. - What?!

Yeah, it's good.

Just say bananas.

Bananas.

Sounds yellow, dude!

All right, hurry up, guys. What are you, turtles?

Let's go, dude. Time is money. All right, hurry up, guys.

Let's go, dude. Time is money.

Let's go go go!

Dude, are we still being charged? We're still setting up the guitars.

Of course you're being charged for this dude.

I'm a professional. - Okay, let's just start.

Okay, sound.

Rolling!

Do you have a pet in the house?

No.

You must have a cow in labour.

It actually sounds like a walrus having an orgasm!

Yeah, it's weird. It sounded more like a gorilla mother...

And the poachers took her baby and it's like...

Must be from outside. - That's my mom, dude.

Oh shit!

She's not feeling well lately.

Oh my God! Sorry man.

What happened to her? Is she okay?

She has a rash.

Like here...

That doesn't sound like a rash, dude.

Oh that? My mom's hungry dude.

I just have to fix her some eggs. Do you guys want eggs?

What now? - No.

Bulls eye, fried eggs...

grown eggs?

That's a chicken, dude. I'm kidding! I don't have a chicken.

Crispy eggs, dude? Have you guys heard of crispy eggs?

Just throw in some shells and you got a...

crispy egg, dude!

You look like some scrambled dude only.

You want some? -No, dude.

Abhijeet, can we please finish the recording. We have a lot to finish.

5 minutes, dude. I'll be back.

Bro, I'm going to kill Jason.

Relax, bro.

I'm sure he records a lot here.

It will be good only.

What self-respecting artist...

Would allow himself to record in a freaking egg shop?

Yeah, that's a little weird. Okay.

Hey, Resh.

The hell?

Hey, Soundarya. Hi.

Kenny! -Hi.

Rohan!

What a pleasant surprise!

I just really hope you're not here to sabotage my tracks again, man.

Oh huh!

Yeah, well if we knew...

people like you recorded here...

Then we'd never have picked this place in the first place.

What are you saying, bro? - What's your problem?

Hey, Sonu! - Hey, don't call me that.

Don't call me that, Sonu! What's happening?

I'm just here for my tracks.

The tracks will be ready in like a bit.

Robin's coming in. We'll add in some...

Fresh and some opera in the end.

It's going to be epic!

I'll just give this to my mom. I'll be back in like 2 minutes.

By the way, this is some herbal Japanese ointment I got for her.

I'm sure it'll fix her rash.

Jenko Nanko!

Cool, thanks. I'll be back. That's sweet of you.

Seriously man? Bro, let's go record somewhere else.

Dude, do you seriously have a problem...

with everything?

No, I have a problem with anything and everything...

that you're associated with, okay?

Screw you man! - Screw you!

What did she say?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Babe!

That's no way to talk to our guests, babe.

Abhijeet,

Rohan, why don't you finish the guitar parts?

I'll just go sort Soundarya out. -What?

Are you serious?

You're ditching me now?

I'm not ditching you, okay?

I'm taking care of the distraction.

Keep it in your pants. -It's in my pants. It's not going anywhere.

We're paying by the hour.

Just talking we're paying for it.

I'll take her out. I mean, I'll get her out.

All right. Let's do this, dude.

Yes? - Nothing, I just want to say...

You know what? I'll go. - No, don't go.

Sorry about Rohan, you know.

And the restaurant.

And the restaurant! Oh I haven't...

Apologised for that.

I mean why did you even have to do that? It was not even necessary.

It wasn't, you know? - Yeah.

I didn't know he was going to act out you know...

He's always so angry.

I feel like I should make it up to you, you know?

Really? - Yeah.

Not going to say no to that.

I'm great at...

massages. Foot massages.

I'm great at making Floor Art. Okay, that's not helpful.

Oh, apologies. I'm great at apologies. - Really?

I've a lot of practice because...

I give it to Rohan all the time.

And for him?

Yeah. -Yeah that also.

Oh! I make great smoothies.

Do you like smoothies?

You know what? I might actually take you up on that.

Oh shit!

That's the maid, dude.

Bro, why do you have such a loud-ass bell...

In a recording studio?

Because I can hear it over the music, dude.

What's up? - Hey!

J, what's up, bro?

Nice, man. You got a louder bell and shit.

Exactly. - Yeah, I can hear it over the music.

Exactly. -Yeah.

Okay guys, let's take two.

Because I have to go...

Put that zenju shit on my mom, dude.

Come, sit.

Hey bro. -Sit.

Sit, be careful of the guitar.

How are you, bro? - Good

Good huh? You had food?

Yeah. - What you ate?

Onion Uttappam

Bastard! - Arrrrgggghhhh!

Why did you bring me to this shitty freaking egg factory studio?

Bro, I know it looks like shit...

But some good bands have recorded here.

Like who? Purple Harmony huh?

Yeah! How do you know? - Jason!

Shit! Soundarya!

Hi Soundarya.

Hey.

I was just here to...

Let me guess.

You're managing these guys now.

Am I?

Yeah, you are.

Yeah!

I am, yeah. That's right.

And you know what? They're better than y'all.

I was just going to come and tell you anyway that...

You quit?

Yeah.

It's really fine...

Because you guys have sabotaged our tracks...

You guys have stolen my manager...

What else do you want from me?

I didn't even know he was our manager.

No, you can keep him. We're happy to give him back. Get lost!

We really didn't want to poach him or anything.

That's some good ointment dude. Some wasabi shit.

Oh sorry, guys. So, you guys want to record?

You sure? - Yeah.

I'm a professional, dude. Remember? I told you earlier. Let's go.

Okay, rolling.

5...6... 5,6...

What the hell!

What's to be done today?

But first pay me!

Oh shit! I've to go...

Pay the maid cause...

She won't clean my mom's nasty...

Rash bandages so...

I'll be back, dude.

Please go.

Dude...

What are you doing?

I'm done, dude.

What do you mean you're done? - Forget it, dude.

For like 2 hours I've been trying to record a track.

And I can't do it uninterrupted. Forget it.

Bro, chill!

We've 10 hours and 4 songs to do.

What? - We've already paid the advance...

And now we can't do anything about it.

Full advance? What? - We've already paid the advance and we can't do anything about it.

Full advance?

Okay, bro.

Okay, listen. We've a lot to do. Just relax.

Don't tell me to relax. - What are you doing?

I think I'll just come back at a better time.

No, wait. Nobody has to leave.

Nobody has to leave. - Rohan, bro...

It's our EP.

Okay? Understand.

Just sit down and finish it. I'm also in it with you, right?

Sit. I'll handle it.

Soundarya, I'll just...

I'll join you outside for a smoke.

Oh you smoke now huh?!

I don't smoke, bro. I'm just getting rid of the distraction. Remember the plan.

I got this.

Finish the parts.

Okay, Rohan is very worked up, okay.

Can you keep him calm? I'll go check on Soundarya.

Isn't it your job to keep him calm?

He kind of hates me, bro.

Yeah...

Technically, he really hates you.

Okay? He really hates you.

The point is technically you're the band manager buddy!

You're supposed to take care of the band.

I'll take care of external affairs, right? - Okay.

What am I supposed to do?

Do whatever it takes to keep him calm.

And make sure he finishes his leads. Very important.

Okay? Go.

Shouldn't you be out there?

No, I'll do my vocals in the end.

Rohan is doing his parts, you know. It's all good.

He really stresses you out man.

No, he doesn't.

You look really stressed out right now.

I'm not stressed.

Do you want a drag?

No, I don't smoke.

Okay, it's just a cigarette.

No, it's... - It's not going to bite man...

Just take a drag.

It'll calm you down.

Aren't you right-handed?

What are you standing there like a dumbass? Do something!

Reshma...

Do you have anything that calms a person down?

Guitar?

Something that takes a little less time to kick in.

Hey...

Let's keep needles and injections out of this.

I don't want him to die!

Ganja! Why didn't I think of it before? Listen...

Can you just roll some for him and keep?

Fine, what do you want?

Half fried or poached?

Okay, all right.

Oh God!

That helped... - You're one of those...

Good boys my mom keeps talking about.

What? No! I'm not.

Clearly.

Okay, moms really like me.

I can be a bad boy, okay?

Yeah.

Bad boy that gives massages and makes smoothies!

That's so hard core man!

I should learn from you.

Yeah. - I'm sure my girlfriends...

Give me better massages though.

Okay, that's just mean!

I'm just kidding. I mean, you're the kind of bad boy I like anyway so...

What?

Really? - Yeah.

1 down, 3 more to go!

Coming, mom.

Ointment time, dude.

I'll just be back, all right? - Cool.

Hey, bro.

Listen...

Do you want to...

Cool off a little?

What?

You know...

Smoke some herbs...

Bastard!

We've taken God knows how long to record this song.

And...

Does Kenneth know you're offering me drugs?

Yeah. - Yeah?

Really?

Come, let's go ask him.

Come, let's go ask him. - I'll just...

Pee and come back. - Get up!

Come.

Bastard! Just wanted to flirt with her the whole time.

Where's the joint?

What the hell does that mean?

Yo! You guys want to start track 2 or what?

You know what?

Let's take a break.

Really? You're taking a break, dude?!

Hey, man!

Hey! - What's up?

You finally got a louder doorbell? - Yeah.

What's going on man? - Robin!

It's been like 50 days.

Where the hell are my tracks?

I'm sorry man!

I was mixing up for F6.

And this flute guy...

Comes in and plays this sweet harmony...

On this heavy metal track...

Oh! - He was awesome.

He was just awesome!

What are you guys doing here?

Dude, this guy right here...

just played this great lead... you have to check it out!

Alright, okay.

And boom!

You know what this needs?

Sitar.

I think he's right, dude.

It's going to sound killer! You want to try it out, dude?

And you Reshma.

You've to add a lick on this.

You've to add a base line.

And why not some 'alaap' too?

Sweet, dude! Yeah.

Don't you think 'alaap' is a bit much?

Kenny, it might actually work man. Give it a shot.

See what happens.

Let's go for it.

Dude, there's too much bass, man.

That's too much reverb, dude.

Yes.

Yes.

Yuck.

Guys, I can't understand any of the vocals.

Say something no?

Bro, if you don't like something, I'll fix it. Just tell me.

I don't even give a shit!

What?

What do you mean you don't give a sh... it's our EP bro.

Oh now you care huh?

Now you give a shit?

That's why you made Jason give me weed?

Jason gave you weed?

Are you stoned right now?

Yeah dumbass!

That's what you wanted, right?

What? No! - Me out of the way...

So that you can hang out with your Soundarya!

What are you s...

I had asked Jason to calm you down...

Not get you stoned!

What's going...

Did you replace Rohan's lead?

Yeah, Reshma's...

Shhh just... I'm listening.

That's not our sound!

Did you put a freaking 'alaap'?

Whose idea was that?

A sitar?

That's not our sound!

I didn't want any of this shit...

In my track.

Kenny, if you don't want...

Soundarya, just get...

Can everybody except Abhijeet leave?

Yeah?

Can Rohan and I finish our EP ourselves?

Can we?

Relax dude, we also have to bounce...

Soundarya's track. - Why don't you freaking bounce!

Robin!

I'm paying for this recording session.

Dude, look at me. I'm paying for this, right?

I haven't had the chance to sit with him for one...

Because you keep suggesting shit!

Just leave!

Okay? - Soundarya, I'm so sorry.

I will bounce your track.

Okay. And once...

We are done...

I'll come and give it to you myself.

Till then, can everyone leave?

Please!

I am not leaving!

Who'll wash the dishes?

Okay, except her. She can stay.

You leave, yeah!

All right, guys. Ready?

Yeah.

I think, she'll be fine, dude.

Remove the sitar.

And the 'alaap'.

And the lead.

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