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1
00:00:02,705 --> 00:00:04,667
- So, dear...
- What?
2
00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:06,674
Do you see anything you like?
3
00:00:06,969 --> 00:00:09,216
I don't know. What's venison?
4
00:00:09,435 --> 00:00:11,349
- Deer.
- What?
5
00:00:11,860 --> 00:00:13,738
- Deer.
- What?
6
00:00:14,661 --> 00:00:16,872
Deer. D-E-E-R.
7
00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:18,881
What? W-H-A-T.
8
00:00:21,517 --> 00:00:22,848
What's wrong with him?
9
00:00:24,109 --> 00:00:27,532
Jake, it's... It's the deer
in the forest, like... Like Bambi.
10
00:00:27,745 --> 00:00:30,123
Oh, cool, let's eat Bambi.
11
00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:33,674
Coming soon to pay-per-view.
12
00:00:38,865 --> 00:00:40,696
Mom, wha...? What are you doing?
13
00:00:41,373 --> 00:00:43,537
- Nothing.
- Oh, that's stealing.
14
00:00:44,258 --> 00:00:47,599
Hardly. I'm paying $ 12 for a martini.
15
00:00:47,769 --> 00:00:50,266
They're lucky I don't take a chair.
16
00:00:50,905 --> 00:00:54,162
- You're paying?
- Figure of speech, Charles.
17
00:00:54,918 --> 00:00:56,201
Can I take this?
18
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:57,920
- No.
- Oh, come on.
19
00:00:58,388 --> 00:01:00,765
My precious.
20
00:01:00,979 --> 00:01:03,821
Put it down. We do not take things
that don't belong to us.
21
00:01:03,989 --> 00:01:07,413
Listen who's taking the moral
high ground, Mr. Five-Finger Discount.
22
00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:10,123
- What does that mean?
- It doesn't mean anything.
23
00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:14,178
- How do you want your venison?
- Does it come with antlers?
24
00:01:14,691 --> 00:01:18,484
Alan, there's no reason
your son can't learn from your mistakes.
25
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,618
I didn't make a mistake, Mom.
26
00:01:20,836 --> 00:01:22,964
Unbelievable.
Twenty-five years later...
27
00:01:23,135 --> 00:01:25,049
...and he still denies shoplifting.
28
00:01:26,145 --> 00:01:29,153
Oh, I get it. Five-finger discount.
Cool.
29
00:01:29,991 --> 00:01:32,488
I did not shoplift, Jake.
It was a misunderstanding.
30
00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:34,165
Alan, please.
31
00:01:34,381 --> 00:01:36,675
Walking around a toy store
with your brother...
32
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,225
...and the Silly Putty just jumped
in your pocket?
33
00:01:39,397 --> 00:01:41,193
Yes.
34
00:01:42,323 --> 00:01:44,701
Not much of a lie, Dad.
35
00:01:45,626 --> 00:01:47,789
Okay, everybody ready to order?
36
00:01:48,009 --> 00:01:50,172
Is that why you won't
let me have Silly Putty?
37
00:01:50,391 --> 00:01:52,389
It's a stupid, pointless toy.
38
00:01:52,607 --> 00:01:54,069
But why'd you steal it?
39
00:01:54,279 --> 00:01:57,988
I didn't. The security guard must have
planted it on me to make a bust.
40
00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:00,461
Oh, Alan.
41
00:02:00,633 --> 00:02:04,557
Who in their right mind would plant
Silly Putty on a 9-year-old boy?
42
00:02:04,856 --> 00:02:06,853
Who, indeed?
43
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,541
- Hey, Jake, you ever eaten snails?
- Yeah, sure.
44
00:02:11,753 --> 00:02:13,465
I mean, in a restaurant.
45
00:02:14,387 --> 00:02:15,849
Oh, no.
46
00:02:28,851 --> 00:02:31,812
- You okay?
- No. That deer didn't have antlers...
47
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:34,483
...when I ate it,
but it's sure coming out that way.
48
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,831
Well, you'll feel better tomorrow.
49
00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:41,214
We should sue that restaurant.
50
00:02:41,768 --> 00:02:45,061
Well, I'll get right on it. Come on.
51
00:02:45,823 --> 00:02:47,202
- Dad?
- Yeah.
52
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:49,617
Did you ever steal a car?
53
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,458
I never stole anything.
54
00:02:51,843 --> 00:02:53,222
It's okay. You could tell me.
55
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,720
I already know you got a rap sheet.
56
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,075
For the last time,
I did not take that Silly Putty.
57
00:02:59,242 --> 00:03:02,084
But the experience
did teach me a very important lesson.
58
00:03:02,252 --> 00:03:03,536
And you know what that was?
59
00:03:03,757 --> 00:03:07,098
If you get caught, stick to your story,
no matter how lame it is?
60
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:11,152
- No, the lesson was...
- Hang on, Dad.
61
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:12,905
Okay, go ahead.
62
00:03:13,456 --> 00:03:15,369
The lesson was...
63
00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:18,887
Oh, God, Jake. That's...
That's awful.
64
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:23,189
Yeah, I wish I could have saved
that one for school.
65
00:03:36,322 --> 00:03:38,070
- You too?
- Yeah.
66
00:03:38,287 --> 00:03:42,376
Apparently Mom wasn't
the only parasite at dinner tonight.
67
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:45,721
Hey...
68
00:03:45,895 --> 00:03:49,022
...how much do you remember
about the whole Silly Putty incident?
69
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,247
Oh, gee, not too much.
70
00:03:53,169 --> 00:03:57,390
I recall you crying when they dragged
you into the store manager's office.
71
00:03:58,227 --> 00:04:00,938
Then I went and got a corn dog
and an Orange Julius.
72
00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,658
Boy, those were good.
73
00:04:05,836 --> 00:04:07,749
- Remember those?
- No, I mean...
74
00:04:07,926 --> 00:04:09,804
...did you see me take
the Silly Putty?
75
00:04:10,225 --> 00:04:13,852
Oh, no, no,
I was nowhere near the Silly Putty.
76
00:04:14,071 --> 00:04:17,912
I think I was in the doll section,
taking a peek under Barbie's dress.
77
00:04:18,502 --> 00:04:20,714
What a gyp that was.
78
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,268
If Jake had been caught
shoplifting and told me the story I told...
79
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,102
...there's no way I'd believe him.
80
00:04:26,821 --> 00:04:28,902
Well, let's just hope
he doesn't get caught.
81
00:04:30,165 --> 00:04:34,505
- Can I tell you a little secret?
- Okay.
82
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:38,307
I always knew
it wasn't the security guard.
83
00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,492
Really?
84
00:04:43,292 --> 00:04:47,763
There's only one rational explanation
for how the Silly Putty got in my pants.
85
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,357
And what would that be?
86
00:04:57,129 --> 00:05:03,858
That I actually stole it,
but my mind couldn't deal with it.
87
00:05:04,486 --> 00:05:07,578
So somehow, I blocked it out.
88
00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:11,635
The human brain, huh?
You gotta love it.
89
00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:14,174
That happens, right?
You do something horrible...
90
00:05:14,352 --> 00:05:17,526
...and wake up with no recollection?
- Oh, yeah.
91
00:05:18,616 --> 00:05:22,159
And yet there she is,
lying right next to you.
92
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:25,383
You know, that day changed my life.
93
00:05:25,555 --> 00:05:28,433
I mean, ever since, I've had to be
on guard against Bad Alan.
94
00:05:29,151 --> 00:05:30,779
I'm sorry, "Bad Alan"?
95
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:35,750
Yeah, it's... It's what I call
my potential for evildoing.
96
00:05:36,717 --> 00:05:39,095
- Oh, God.
- It's why I've always worked so hard...
97
00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:43,108
...to be a good son, a good student,
a good person.
98
00:05:43,322 --> 00:05:47,245
And you've succeeded.
You are good, good, good.
99
00:05:47,837 --> 00:05:52,094
Well, sure, I turned out great,
but at what cost?
100
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:55,645
I mean, do you have any clue
how tightly wrapped I've had to be...
101
00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:58,532
...to keep Bad Alan in check?
102
00:06:02,050 --> 00:06:04,094
I get glimpses.
103
00:06:05,269 --> 00:06:07,848
Well, I suppose
I should count my blessings...
104
00:06:08,028 --> 00:06:10,786
...that I was stopped.
Who knows what kind of monster...
105
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:13,879
...I would've become if I hadn't
been caught with the putty.
106
00:06:14,466 --> 00:06:18,139
But what if the security guard
did plant it on you?
107
00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:20,809
That would mean there's no Bad Alan.
108
00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:23,487
That's true.
109
00:06:23,663 --> 00:06:26,076
But I can't afford
to take that chance.
110
00:06:30,226 --> 00:06:32,556
None of us can.
111
00:06:41,722 --> 00:06:43,517
He's fine.
112
00:06:48,452 --> 00:06:50,200
Hey, Charlie.
113
00:06:50,835 --> 00:06:51,952
Hey, Rose.
114
00:06:53,343 --> 00:06:56,435
Looks like somebody needs
a shoulder to cry on.
115
00:06:56,646 --> 00:06:58,108
No, thank you.
116
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,529
Wanna just make out then?
117
00:07:01,871 --> 00:07:05,545
- Rose...
- You're right. That was out of line.
118
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,845
I deserve a spanking.
119
00:07:10,232 --> 00:07:11,778
Okay, what's up?
120
00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:15,280
- Can I trust you with something?
- You trust me...
121
00:07:15,458 --> 00:07:17,538
...with your bank account number.
122
00:07:18,551 --> 00:07:20,429
I never gave you
my bank account number.
123
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,102
Right, right. Go on.
124
00:07:24,362 --> 00:07:27,619
Have you ever done anything
so wrong, so horrible...?
125
00:07:27,831 --> 00:07:29,995
Oh, yeah.
126
00:07:30,674 --> 00:07:33,005
- Let me finish.
- I'm sorry.
127
00:07:33,182 --> 00:07:35,429
Something that seemed
harmless at the time...
128
00:07:35,607 --> 00:07:38,734
...yet somehow managed
to mess up someone's entire life?
129
00:07:39,411 --> 00:07:41,242
Good question.
130
00:07:41,418 --> 00:07:45,425
I think it's too early to say. Go on.
131
00:07:46,183 --> 00:07:47,597
Well, I have.
132
00:07:47,772 --> 00:07:51,196
Twenty-five years ago,
I put Silly Putty in my brother's pants.
133
00:07:51,409 --> 00:07:55,118
Well, if you left it in the egg,
it should still be good.
134
00:07:56,634 --> 00:07:59,392
My point is,
everybody thought he stole it...
135
00:07:59,602 --> 00:08:01,564
...and I never told him the truth.
136
00:08:01,776 --> 00:08:03,357
Now you're wracked with guilt...
137
00:08:03,532 --> 00:08:06,991
...and not sure whether a confession
will make things better or worse.
138
00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:09,000
Yes, exactly.
139
00:08:09,635 --> 00:08:12,263
That's a sexy feeling, isn't it?
140
00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:14,685
Come on, Rose.
141
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,323
You want my advice, Charlie?
142
00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:18,280
God help me, yes.
143
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,625
Take your secret to the grave...
144
00:08:20,797 --> 00:08:23,758
...but leave a manuscript explaining
every questionable act...
145
00:08:23,932 --> 00:08:26,226
...you've committed
in a safety-deposit box...
146
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,234
...with instructions for it to be opened
at your death...
147
00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:33,415
...and read in front of all your friends,
relatives and former lovers.
148
00:08:35,386 --> 00:08:37,467
I like it.
149
00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:39,357
Good.
150
00:08:40,236 --> 00:08:43,659
Now we can relax
and enjoy the evening.
151
00:08:54,198 --> 00:08:56,492
Sing it with me, Charlie.
152
00:09:07,408 --> 00:09:10,035
Three, four, five, six, seven.
153
00:09:10,209 --> 00:09:11,623
- Are you decent?
- Yeah.
154
00:09:11,797 --> 00:09:14,091
Three, four, five, six, seven.
155
00:09:15,643 --> 00:09:17,141
What's up?
156
00:09:17,859 --> 00:09:22,163
- Nothing. Just came in to say good night.
- Three, four, five, six, seven.
157
00:09:24,213 --> 00:09:25,295
Why?
158
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:28,011
Three, four, five, six, seven.
159
00:09:29,062 --> 00:09:32,236
Nothing. You just seemed stressed out
before, and I was concerned.
160
00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:35,206
Oh, thanks. You're a...
You're a good brother.
161
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,918
Three, four, five, six, seven.
162
00:09:40,015 --> 00:09:41,346
You do that every night?
163
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,315
Are you kidding? After every meal.
164
00:09:43,485 --> 00:09:45,898
Three, four, five, six, seven.
165
00:09:46,327 --> 00:09:48,871
You are tightly wrapped, aren't you?
166
00:09:49,086 --> 00:09:52,297
The price of healthy gums
is eternal vigilance.
167
00:09:55,691 --> 00:09:58,652
Oh, God, I can't do this anymore.
168
00:09:59,872 --> 00:10:02,963
- Do what?
- I have to tell you something.
169
00:10:03,592 --> 00:10:06,089
- Okay.
- Come on out in the bedroom.
170
00:10:06,268 --> 00:10:07,932
All right.
171
00:10:11,786 --> 00:10:14,080
- What you doing?
- You'll understand in a minute.
172
00:10:14,252 --> 00:10:17,344
- I thought you had to tell me something.
- I do.
173
00:10:18,892 --> 00:10:21,734
There is no Bad Alan.
174
00:10:21,902 --> 00:10:23,150
I stole the Silly Putty...
175
00:10:23,324 --> 00:10:25,867
...and put it in your pocket
when you weren't looking.
176
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:30,262
- Three, four, five, six, seven.
- Damn you to hell!
177
00:10:30,765 --> 00:10:33,226
Come out here and die like a man!
178
00:10:33,775 --> 00:10:37,448
What do you know,
there is a Bad Alan.
179
00:10:40,756 --> 00:10:44,347
Hey, Dad, when you got arrested
for shoplifting, did they take you to jail?
180
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:49,023
I did not get arrested,
and there was no jail.
181
00:10:49,242 --> 00:10:52,833
So I guess you never had to shank a guy
to get your props in the yard.
182
00:10:54,802 --> 00:10:57,560
You cracked the parental code
on the cable box again.
183
00:10:58,063 --> 00:11:01,939
It's 1-2-3-4.
A monkey could crack that.
184
00:11:08,179 --> 00:11:09,807
- Good morning.
- Morning.
185
00:11:09,977 --> 00:11:11,474
Why are you walking like that?
186
00:11:11,691 --> 00:11:14,568
I spent the night in the bathroom.
187
00:11:14,993 --> 00:11:17,156
You too, huh?
188
00:11:20,428 --> 00:11:22,555
Tell Jake what you told me
last night.
189
00:11:23,856 --> 00:11:25,853
Oh, okay. Sure.
190
00:11:26,029 --> 00:11:28,740
Jake, your father didn't steal
the Silly Putty.
191
00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:30,958
- I did.
- Really?
192
00:11:31,171 --> 00:11:34,048
Yeah, I stuck it in his pocket,
so if anything happened...
193
00:11:34,223 --> 00:11:36,600
...he'd be the one to get in trouble.
194
00:11:37,693 --> 00:11:39,524
What do you think now, Jake?
195
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,911
I think Uncle Charlie's a genius.
196
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:45,128
What? No, no. No genius. No, no.
197
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:48,471
I mean, it's the perfect crime.
How did you think of that?
198
00:11:49,189 --> 00:11:50,520
I don't know.
199
00:11:50,694 --> 00:11:54,617
I saw the putty. Your dad was wearing
those dorky chinos with the big pockets.
200
00:11:54,790 --> 00:11:57,798
- And a light just went off in my head...
- Charlie.
201
00:11:58,636 --> 00:12:02,726
A bad light. A bad, evil light.
Because stealing is wrong...
202
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:05,824
...and letting somebody else
take the blame for it is worse.
203
00:12:06,035 --> 00:12:08,829
Yeah, so Dad was like a decoy.
204
00:12:10,885 --> 00:12:13,048
Well, technically, the term is "mule."
205
00:12:13,268 --> 00:12:16,858
- Mule? Why?
- Because he carries stuff.
206
00:12:17,699 --> 00:12:20,909
- Oh, of course...
- Okay, okay.
207
00:12:21,085 --> 00:12:24,128
The important thing is,
your father never stole in his life.
208
00:12:24,304 --> 00:12:26,634
And your Uncle Charlie
is a thief and a coward.
209
00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:29,148
Yeah, but you're a mule.
210
00:12:31,327 --> 00:12:33,740
Are you happy?
Go get dressed and washed.
211
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,420
- Can we go to the mall?
- Why do you wa...? No.
212
00:12:38,517 --> 00:12:41,014
I need to get a different mule.
213
00:12:42,572 --> 00:12:44,866
Okay, can we please get past this?
214
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,578
No. No, we can't.
215
00:12:46,752 --> 00:12:51,841
I feel betrayed and hurt
in ways that I can't even express.
216
00:12:52,020 --> 00:12:54,183
And you think we can
just dance past that?
217
00:12:54,402 --> 00:12:56,364
I was hoping.
218
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,704
Well, I am sorry,
but it is not that easy.
219
00:12:58,875 --> 00:13:03,298
I mean, thanks to you, my... My life
has been twisted beyond recognition.
220
00:13:03,474 --> 00:13:05,685
I mean, look at me, Charlie.
221
00:13:05,857 --> 00:13:08,864
I'm a... I'm a broke, hopelessly neurotic,
middle-aged man...
222
00:13:09,034 --> 00:13:11,411
...who doesn't know who he is
or where he belongs.
223
00:13:11,584 --> 00:13:13,046
I have nothing, Charlie.
224
00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:17,221
- No... No wife, no home, nothing.
- Okay.
225
00:13:19,736 --> 00:13:21,982
So should I check back with you
after lunch?
226
00:13:26,508 --> 00:13:27,756
What do you want me to do?
227
00:13:27,929 --> 00:13:30,508
I said I was sorry.
L... I confessed to Jake.
228
00:13:30,688 --> 00:13:34,529
And I doubt I got more than six,
seven hours sleep last night.
229
00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:36,913
Nothing you can do.
The damage has been done.
230
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,961
- It can't be undone.
- Come on, I'm your brother.
231
00:13:40,178 --> 00:13:43,304
- You're gonna forgive. You always do.
- No, no, this is different.
232
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,107
- This is the worst thing you've ever done.
- No, it's not.
233
00:13:48,956 --> 00:13:50,335
What do you mean?
234
00:13:52,301 --> 00:13:55,808
Just making conversation.
235
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,201
- Hey, Mom.
- Charlie, what are you doing here?
236
00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:06,507
- In the neighborhood. Thought I'd visit.
- Why?
237
00:14:08,479 --> 00:14:11,902
- I don't know. I'm your son.
- And...?
238
00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:16,078
- And I was hoping we could talk.
- About?
239
00:14:18,428 --> 00:14:20,259
May I please just come in?
240
00:14:20,476 --> 00:14:22,973
Are you fleeing from the law?
241
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,989
- I'm not fleeing from anyone, Mom.
- Well, keep it in mind.
242
00:14:27,165 --> 00:14:30,589
No one would ever think
to look for you at your mother's house.
243
00:14:32,265 --> 00:14:35,772
- I get your point. I don't visit enough.
- You don't visit at all.
244
00:14:36,529 --> 00:14:38,110
And I'm riddled with guilt.
245
00:14:38,536 --> 00:14:40,949
Oh, you're just saying that
to make me feel better.
246
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,845
So, what's up?
247
00:14:45,015 --> 00:14:46,977
You know how the other night
at dinner...
248
00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,311
...we were talking about
the Silly Putty deal?
249
00:14:50,199 --> 00:14:52,910
Did that venison disagree with you?
250
00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,708
Yeah, that's not
what I came to talk about.
251
00:14:56,219 --> 00:14:59,429
I've got a good mind
to sue that restaurant.
252
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,324
- Yeah, anyway, about the Silly Putty...
- What about it?
253
00:15:05,541 --> 00:15:08,085
Alan didn't steal it. I did.
254
00:15:09,512 --> 00:15:11,759
I put it in his pocket.
255
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:15,438
You framed your baby brother?
256
00:15:17,330 --> 00:15:18,993
How could you?
257
00:15:19,211 --> 00:15:21,338
I know, I know.
It was a rotten thing to do.
258
00:15:21,552 --> 00:15:25,178
Rotten? It's unspeakable.
259
00:15:25,774 --> 00:15:28,984
Do you have any idea
what you put me through?
260
00:15:30,999 --> 00:15:33,461
- You?
- First the embarrassment...
261
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:36,926
...of people thinking
that I'd spawned a petty thief.
262
00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:41,401
Then all the trouble I went to
trying to figure out clever ways...
263
00:15:41,576 --> 00:15:44,583
...to hide my jewelry
from his sticky little fingers.
264
00:15:44,795 --> 00:15:48,052
- That's really not what l...
- Not to mention the hundreds of hours...
265
00:15:48,222 --> 00:15:51,599
...spent driving him to therapy
with that creepy Dr. Demerest...
266
00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:57,662
...while I could have been...
I don't know, doing something fun.
267
00:15:58,841 --> 00:16:01,135
Okay, yeah,
it was a real imposition on you...
268
00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:05,230
...and as it turns out, it had
kind of a negative impact on Alan too.
269
00:16:05,446 --> 00:16:08,121
Alan? Oh, yes, of course.
270
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:14,175
You know, there was no insurance
for kleptomania therapy in those days.
271
00:16:14,350 --> 00:16:17,025
It was all out of pocket.
272
00:16:18,447 --> 00:16:21,740
Yeah, but about Alan...
273
00:16:21,916 --> 00:16:25,709
...I was hoping you might have insight
as to how I could get him to forgive me.
274
00:16:26,139 --> 00:16:27,517
Why ask me?
275
00:16:28,438 --> 00:16:31,779
You know,
I'm starting to wonder that myself.
276
00:16:32,493 --> 00:16:34,490
I guess it's because he still loves you...
277
00:16:34,666 --> 00:16:37,460
...despite all the lousy stuff
you did to him.
278
00:16:37,927 --> 00:16:41,304
I beg your pardon?
I was a wonderful mother.
279
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,062
And if Alan thinks otherwise...
280
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:48,455
...it's only because that walleyed
Dr. Demerest put ideas into his head.
281
00:16:48,838 --> 00:16:51,762
Well, that was money well spent.
282
00:16:53,687 --> 00:16:55,101
Okay, then.
283
00:16:55,276 --> 00:16:59,152
I didn't need a reason to drink tonight,
but it's nice to know I've got one.
284
00:17:00,167 --> 00:17:02,080
Hey, Charlie, wait.
285
00:17:02,466 --> 00:17:04,677
- What?
- Have you forgotten why you came here?
286
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:06,597
You want forgiveness, right?
287
00:17:07,566 --> 00:17:10,740
- Yes.
- Well...
288
00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:12,872
...I forgive you.
289
00:17:19,731 --> 00:17:22,025
But next time, call first.
290
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,317
Would you pass the salt?
291
00:17:39,253 --> 00:17:40,585
Could you get me the salt?
292
00:17:41,887 --> 00:17:44,598
- Dad, salt.
- Sure.
293
00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:48,615
- Here.
- Thanks.
294
00:17:49,453 --> 00:17:51,915
Oh, would you give me
the ketchup, please?
295
00:17:52,129 --> 00:17:54,590
Here. Here's the ketchup.
296
00:17:55,682 --> 00:17:57,144
Thank you.
297
00:18:02,705 --> 00:18:04,037
- Dad?
- Yeah.
298
00:18:04,586 --> 00:18:06,880
If Uncle Charlie
let you kick him in the nuts...
299
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,681
...would that make you guys even?
300
00:18:09,268 --> 00:18:10,600
No.
301
00:18:11,484 --> 00:18:13,647
Boy, he's really mad at you.
302
00:18:14,410 --> 00:18:17,371
Relax, Jake. We're just having
a little communication problem.
303
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:20,418
That's what Dad said
right before Mom threw him out.
304
00:18:20,597 --> 00:18:21,714
Nobody threw me out.
305
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:24,901
Your mother and I mutually decided
that we weren't compatible.
306
00:18:25,112 --> 00:18:27,787
You don't seem compatible
with Uncle Charlie right now.
307
00:18:27,996 --> 00:18:30,921
- Well, it's not my fault.
- Was it your fault with Mom?
308
00:18:31,759 --> 00:18:33,340
No.
309
00:18:35,521 --> 00:18:39,148
You know, Dad, maybe you're
the one who's not compatible.
310
00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:42,958
If you're done with dinner,
do your homework.
311
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:46,965
Fine, kill the messenger.
312
00:18:49,442 --> 00:18:51,736
- Oh, come on, Alan. Talk to me.
- No.
313
00:18:52,159 --> 00:18:55,868
Look, I wanna make this right,
but you gotta help me.
314
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:59,138
Please, tell me what I can do.
I'm begging for your forgiveness.
315
00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:01,061
I am sorry,
but you did something...
316
00:19:01,230 --> 00:19:05,452
...which affected my life
in a deeply destructive way and...
317
00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:07,950
l... I don't think I have it in me
to forgive you.
318
00:19:08,588 --> 00:19:12,131
- Hello? Anybody home?
- In here, Mom.
319
00:19:13,772 --> 00:19:16,863
Well, how are my boys
doing this evening?
320
00:19:22,132 --> 00:19:26,436
Well, I think Mommy
has the answer. Alan...
321
00:19:26,605 --> 00:19:29,447
...if you find it intolerable
living under the same roof...
322
00:19:29,615 --> 00:19:31,493
...with the brother
who betrayed you...
323
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:37,590
...then you and Jake
can come and live with me.
324
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,244
We're good.
325
00:19:50,141 --> 00:19:52,554
Hey, Charlie, a couple of days ago...
326
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:56,109
...you said the Silly Putty wasn't
the worst thing you ever did to me.
327
00:19:57,749 --> 00:19:59,461
It's ancient history. Let it go.
328
00:19:59,672 --> 00:20:02,430
I know, I know.
It's just... I'm curious.
329
00:20:02,598 --> 00:20:05,274
What else have you done to me
that I didn't know about?
330
00:20:05,441 --> 00:20:07,237
- It's not important.
- Yes, it is.
331
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,487
The truth about
the shoplifting incident...
332
00:20:09,663 --> 00:20:11,744
...it's allowed me
to reevaluate who I am...
333
00:20:11,921 --> 00:20:13,918
...and... And feel better about myself.
334
00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:15,968
- Well, that's great.
- Yeah.
335
00:20:16,143 --> 00:20:18,306
I feel a lot better since I confessed.
336
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,481
Good, good.
So let's keep going with this.
337
00:20:21,535 --> 00:20:25,209
Okay, but you gotta promise that
no matter what I tell you, all is forgiven.
338
00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:27,670
Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
339
00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,561
You're probably gonna laugh.
340
00:20:30,774 --> 00:20:34,233
- I'm sure I will. Tell me.
- Well...
341
00:20:34,578 --> 00:20:37,122
...remember how you were
a bed wetter till you were 8?
342
00:20:37,546 --> 00:20:39,008
Yeah.
343
00:20:41,225 --> 00:20:44,102
You actually stopped at 6.
344
00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:50,834
Wha...? What...? What did you do?
Did you sneak into my room and...?
345
00:20:51,007 --> 00:20:53,504
And...? And pour warm water on me
while I was asleep?
346
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:58,990
Yeah, okay, let's say it was water,
and let's say I poured it.
347
00:21:02,754 --> 00:21:05,298
Well, I feel better. How about you?27317
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