Original subtitles

You're heavier than a pig

Rev. Ma, according to our investigation

You neglect your duties and you're a drunk

We're constantly losing believers

You throw parties to recruit them

You don't read your bible

You say 'Buddha' instead of 'Amen'

You're not against idolatry

You despise God

You've sinned mortally

We've decided to replace you as pastor

l built this church form bricks

Now l've got nothing left

And l have to die in the restroom

Amen

What are you doing?

Sorry

Up or down?

Up

Use that one

Only fools go to heaven

Hell-goers are not that smart either

l hope we don't meet again

How are you?

Did you wash your hands in the restroom?

l want to see God

Pray and he'll appear

He's very busy, you've got 30 seconds

You don't have to speak English

But you should have bathed first

Another typhoon in the Philippines

l feel sorry about that

Mine is not an easy job

l sneeze and it's a typhoon

God, l've made mistakes

Who hasn't? l even created the Devil

Why don't you destroy it?

l'll do it in thirty-six seconds

Good

That means 360,000 human years though

l want you to live for another 36 years

l may not be able to keep up

Don't worry. Whenever you're in trouble

Just yell for my help

Yes, sir

Many are waiting for you. Go

360,000 years! That's a long time!

Boss!

What have you brought for me?

A stupid peasant's soul

You have always brought me pigs

Repeat after me: ''l'm a pig''

l'm a pig

l'm a dog

l'm a dog

Fools are hopeless

Fools are hopeless

You are so stupid

l want the whole earth on fire

That'll burn The Old Man's bare feet

Fire is as pretty as a virgin's song

l want terrorists to set fires and throw bombs

Kill all nice men and spare only babies

l'll baptize them with fire

Long live Boss

You have only two months left

l know

l want souls of the young

l'll castrate you if you fail again

Punishment is the reward for failure

Don't be like that, boss

Where's my hole?

lt's just behind you

Fail and you'll be like this

They don't want you in heaven?

No, l'm just not used to it

l'll give you a ride back to earth

l don't mix with the Devil

We need to see who's tougher

You won't win

l'll make sure you turn to ashes

The world's more peaceful without your types

lt's a mess because of your types

Repent while you're still 30 per cent human

You can't get me on my knees

Thank you

Thank you, Miss

Have mercy on me please

l'm off

Thank you

A visitor

What's wrong?

Are you crazy?

What's wrong with you?

You've got it all mixed up

Do you ever know what you're doing?

l'm sorry

Can l sing a song for you?

l would like to hear ''Prayer''

Twenty dollars

Twenty dollars?

Thank you

Are you praying, Miss?

Prayers will be answered

You're so pretty

Why don't you say something?

l come here to pray too

Fate has brought us together

Love me please

You'd better stop flirting with me

And kneel away from me

l'm too crazy about you

You are my first love

Please don't discourage me

Rocky's concert is not until next month

But it's all sold out already

Why don't we add five more shows?

They'll all be sold out likewise

Do you like this design, Mr Liang?

l love it

Can l buy you lunch, Peggy?

l have to rehearse. Am l pretty?

Any woman would look pretty with that ribbon on

Can't you be more serious?

Go get Rocky

Be nice though, he's a superstar

Why don't you let Peggy have a try?

Do you like the song l wrote?

You write songs?

l thought those hands are for milking cows

l spent a year writing this song

lt is my life

Give it a chance, it'll be a hit

Who should be singing it?

Me. l belong to The New Wave

There's only one New Wave member:

Rocky, he's the only superstar

Why don't you go to the restroom?

What for?

See what you really look like in the mirror

Would you take a look at this song?

Thank you

Do you have hemorrhoids?

How do you know that?

Don't mess around

Hi, Rocky

You're so dumb

Be gentle when you see Juliet

Romeo

Juliet

That's too much

She's dying, you should be in tears

Oh my God

Don't cry, just shed tears

How can the audience see my tears?

Oh my God

What's wrong?

She's got bad breath

Let's call it a day

We can't go on stage unrehearsed

She can't play against me?

Give her a chance, she can do it

The audience only goes to see me

Get up, are you all right?

Who put that thing there?

l think he's the one

Rocky, he's not worth the time

You are stupidity itself

Stop crying

Take a break

Hold it

Goodbye!

Don't Cry

Cheer up, Peggy

You'll make me cry too

Peggy, Peggy!

Help! A ghost!

Peggy, it's only me

lt's Bruce

Why did you do that?

l wanted to cheer you up

You scare me

l've been working very hard to earn money

Once l've saved enough l'll propose to you

Did l say l'd marry you?

You can marry the richest man

Or you can marry the handsomest

But there's only one man you love

And that's me

Wait for me, Peggy

Are you all right?

l'm bleeding. This is blood of love

Hold your head up

Do you love me?

l haven't thought about it

What does that mean?

Ask my mother if she likes you

Why would she do that?

You have to make it

Be a star or we won't go back to Taiwan

Peggy! Auntie!

What are you doing? Get in

Jesus brings eternal life

l want to go out with Peggy

You're too poor to have that honour

Don't ever see him again. Let's go

Peggy, Peggy!

Repent, heaven is near

l just almost got run down by a car

l can help you, l'm your friend

l don't have friends

Hit my mother-in-law for me

What about your father-in-law?

lt him as well

Hit your head adn you'll lose your head

Hit your legs and you'll drop your pants

Hit your head and you'll be dizzy

Hit your mouth and you can't breathe

Hit your hand and you'll get a cramp

One can't be modest all the time

l love bragging, l'm not ashamed of it

Peggy needs your coaching

Hit him if you hate him

Hit your head and you'll feel dizzy

Hit your mouth and you can't breathe

Hit your legs and you'll drop your pants

Rubber sole can't hurt that much

Thank you

Hit your head and you'll feel dizzy

l'll hit your stupid nose

You'll find nothing smells good

Hit your head and you'll be an idiot

Who hit me?

What's wrong?

What's the matter with you?

Nobody hit you

Again?

Nobody hit you

Did you hit me?

Hit your hand and you'll get a cramp

Rocky, what's the matter?

What happened to your hand?

How would l know?

Hit your mouth and you can't breathe

Will you tell me what's going on?

Try mouth-to-mouth

l'm an expert

hit your legs

Let's go home. Be careful

Something's dragging my legs

Get up

Watch it now

You'll drop your pants

My legs are cold

How embarrassing

Hit you hard

You're crazy

l know what's in your mind

l won't let you hurt my friend

Your types don't have friends

l won't let you hurt him

Danger is lurking around you

ls there a car coming?

What do you want?

What you need now is this bible

This?

lt has killed a lot of people

lt only wants people to live

l don't always want to live

You have to believe in God

Just give me 10 minutes, Peggy

You'll sure love this song

l told you l wasn't interested

But you'll see l'm a talented composer

And talent has to be appreciated

Peggy, don't hang up

Rocky is the only talented one

He's an idiot

At least he's got money

l'll love you no matter what happens?

But l don't know if l love you too

That doesn't matter

Love doesn't have to be a two-way traffic

l don't know what that means

Don't talk to him, Peggy

Don't you call this number again

My mother told me when l was born

A crow urinated on my head

So l was born with bad luck

What is this?

l didn't call for any food

l'll die soon?

Perhaps ghosts are present

Are you human?

Go away, you Devil

Go

What are you up to now?

Don't worry, you won't die

Are you sure?

You are ruining my apartment

The Devil is here. lt will enter your body

And will feed on your energy and blood

You will go to hell for eternal damnation

Really?

l see a ghost dancing in your hair

Why don't catch it for me?

l need your help to do it

You'd better leave and stop bothering me

l've still got work to do

Will you stop that, please?

This is my apartment

Get down

l'll be through soon

l've been having a nervous breakdown. Go away

Heaven can wait, hell can't

You can die tonight and become ashes tomorrow

For your own sake, listen to me

Sorry, l can't do that

Now l can sleep

Busy?

A man bought 15 minutes of studio time

He wants to record his own composition

Sure

Time out

l'm Kitty

l'm Bruce Lee, but l don't know Kung Fu

Did you say you wrote this song?

Yes

Rocky recorded this song this morning

He said he wrote it

No

Play it for him

How could it happen?

l was the one who wrote it

You'd better clear this up with Rocky's agent

lt can be a copyright suit

Are you ready for Rocky's TV show?

Yes

You are a thief

You are flattering me

You stole my song, l'll sue you

Go talk to my lawyer then

l'll kill you right now

He's crazy

Stealing my song is the same as murdering me

l don't see any blood on my hands

Give the song back to me

Did you register for copyright? No?

l can sue you for violation of my reputation

Get out of my way

Hello

Who are you?

l'm Flit, ave you seen Gone With The Wind?

No

You should find me look like Clarke Gable

You know why you are still alive?

You're supposed to live until 1997

What do l live that long for?

Enjoy yourself while you can

l'm too lonely to do that

l can keep you company

Money? That's terrific

Are you a magician?

l'm half man and half ghost

Ghost?

You don't believe me?

No

Watch

Having fun?

Sure

Help me, brother

You do it yourself

You believe me now?

Yes, but that was stupid

Only God doesn't care about talents

Follow me and you'll be a star

Are you going to hurt me?

l would only help you

Let's make a deal

What deal?

Sell me your soul and l'll make your wishes come true

What is a soul?

lt's just a toilet paper

Selling your soul is just like selling a toilet paper

But l don't want anyone hurt

Some must suffer so others can be happy

ls this a monster?

He is Camel, but he doesn't smoke

Boss

Come in

You treat yourself nicely

Being a ghost is so much fun

You have to sign this agreement

What language is this agreement in?

Latin-Chinese, it's a ghost language

Sign right here

l'll have to think it over

Sign it with your blood

What have you got to lose? You don't know your soul

Just sign and get it over with

Give me your hand

l'm not signing

Hold him tight

You're dammed

Wasn't that simple enough?

What is your first wish?

l want to be famous and singing my own song

Peggy loves me solely

Your wishes are simple and modest

That's all l want though

lf you want to undo these wishes

Just hit your left cheek

Should l hit my right cheek too?

No, only Christ is that stupid

Wash his brain

Yes

l put butter on pepper

l take an umbrella for a parachute

People laugh but l couldn't care less

All for one smile from you

l try catching the moon with a rope

l tumble while others waltz

Repeatedly l don't mind being a clown

All for one glance from you

What l have is endless love for you

Even though it may not move you

Or you may say l don't deserve you

lf only one day you'd listen to this clown

Let my gaze over flown with love

Stay on your face that is so pretty

Repeatedly l don't mind being a clown

lf only one day you'd just throw me a glance

Your dress reminds me of winter's first snow

Really?

And you the first rain in spring

And you the whimsical summer blues

Do l look that romantic?

Why would Rocky want to come?

lt's good publicity for him

And it promotes the sale of the paintings

You're so honest

Rocky, sign in over there

Of course

Your nose is ugly, it needs plastic surgery

My presence will increase your profit

Rocky, open the show please

What's wrong with you?

Bastard

What is going on?

Jingle bell, Jingle bell

He needs an exorcist

This will destroy his elegance

You ruined my paintings, l don't want to live

l'll kill you

Please stop ruining my paintings

l'd rather you hand me

Let's go, mother

Let's stay a while longer

l'm not daydreaming now

l've turned a cripple now

Perfect for soap operas

They usually have cripples as heroes

l think of you every night

l had a small bird when l was poor

Now l'm rich and l have a big bird

Rich?

That singer stole your song

lt's an infringement of copyright

Sue him, his agent, and his company

Sue his parents too

Teach them not to bear such child again

What if we lost the suit?

Bride the judge

They have sold 450,000 copies of your single

And only 20,000 of Rocky's''

My figure is too low Fire everybody

You live better than a king now, Bruce

You have to call me Mr Lee

Yes, Mr Lee

l can buy you anything you want

l want to go shopping

You Don't need to

French fashions of Macy's

ltalian fashions of Harriot's

Swiss fashions of Bullock's

Call them and they'll deliver

Buy the department stores if you like

American fashions of Sears

lt's nice to be served

l won't let you leave me

Can l go see my mother?

You want to see your mother?

Do you wish to speak to her?

Hello, Peggy

From your tape l know you're living well

Can you send me a recent photo of yourself?

l wonder if you have put on weight

Where are you going?

l'm going home

Mr Lee said not to let you leave

Peggy, Peggy!

l had a dream in which you kissed me

What dream did you have?

l dreamt of us turning into dogs

That's stupid

Where are you going, Peggy?

Can't l have some fresh air?

Would you like fresh air from Mt. Fuji then?

Freshly arrived by airfreight

You don't need me here

What you need is a canned woman

Peggy, Peggy!

l have done my part of the deal right?

You were a star and you had Peggy

She didn't love me though

Stars don't get happy marriages

There is no exception

But you got carried away anyway

What are you doing?

Watch

You're so terrible

All men have criminal instincts

l can't cheat him unless he's greedy

He wouldn't have been interested

Let's not talk about this

What is your next wish?

l want Peggy to obey me 100 per cent

lt's done perfectly tailor made

When you say yes she dares not say no

You sing 123 and she signs 456

How many persons?

Two

Are you blind?

Are you blind?

Where's your hand?

Yes, Miss. This way please

Such a mean woman

Are you blind?

Yes

Follow me

l want that table

lt's clean now have a seat please

We'll go to that table over there

l didn't tell you to sit down

Sit down

Sit down

You should be ashamed of yourself

You find all kinds of career women

You may be better off being a woman

Yes

You're so obedient

You're even better

Yes

Drink it in one gulp

Drink it in one gulp

Eat with manner

Eat with manner

Use some mustard

Use some mustard

Drink it in one gulp

Drink it in one gulp

What's the matter with you?

You don't like it?

Pick the plate up

Pick the plate up

Throw it behind you

Throw it behind you

Stand up

Stand up

Slap that man's face twice

Slap that man's face twice

Come massage my back

Come massage my back

Bring me the spaghetti

Bring me the spaghetti

Pour it down

Pour it down

Bring me a knife

Bring me a knife

Chop me at my wrist

Chop m......l'm not that stupid

Are you crazy?

Oh my God, help!

Are you crazy? You're being too obedient

What you gave me wasn't fun

Of course, perfect obedience is dull

l'll mail those for you

Thank you

Give them all to me

The way you were treating Peggy

Women's liberation would have you murdered

l don't want to be with you anymore

lt's like playing with fire

As long as you don't get burnt

What are you doing?

Shut up

The bigger the fire the more pleasant it is

What other wishes do you have?

l just want to give up everything

And lead a simple life with Peggy

Just the two of us

Will you have any regrets

Don't cry

l thank you for sticking with me

What are you talking about?

You go first in case of a landslide

No, l'll have to dig you out

l'm so poor, l'm useless

Poverty is not a sin

But it sure is inconvenient

That's not its only vice

l envy them, they can cry as much as they want

And still be able to sleep soundly

l want my son to be like you

So caring despite of being so poor

l want my daughter to be like you

So virtuous despite of an empty stomach

What are you doing?

l want o kiss you but l have tuberculosis

Go ahead

Peggy

Bruce

Have to kill the germs

What's the matter?

l'm pregnant again

Are you sure it's not a stomach tumor?

l'm sure l'm pregnant

What shall we do with the new one?

Let's find him a couple for adoption

l can't afford to bring him up

Sleep. You have to work at dawn

You'd better finish your work and sleep too

lt's so late, l'm so worried

l couldn't catch a single fish today

l did get several tadpoles though

Let them grow up and we can eat them

Cook them with a lot of garlic

Sure

Cheer up we often starve anyway

l have sent the kids to an orphanage

How could you do it?

You did the right thing

Let them have some proper care

Did you poison yourself?

l don't see any point of living on

Are you really going to die?

The poison is in my stomach

Really?

We'd rather die gracefully than live ugly

Wait for me, don't close your eyes yet

Did you do it?

The sky is so pretty

l'm sorry l cheated you

Are you kidding me?

l don't want you to linger on

You've been so depressed so l ......

l didn't know my wife's smarter than me

l wanted you to die too

You're so sick you can't remarry

But l can

l'm so mad. Where are my tadpoles

What happened?

You ate the tadpoles instead of the poison

l don't want this kind of life anymore

l knew you couldn't persevere

Nobody can stand an empty stomach

Eat only the skin

The poor don't have anything to eat

And you throw the meat away

There are many things you can't understand

People don't despise murderers

They despise the poor

But the poor don't harm people

They make the city look ugly though

Money is what everybody needs

l didn't know you're quite sensible

l'm not as simple-mined as you

l know hot to eat well

What is this?

A freshly opened monkey brain

Eat it and you'll be healthier

Do you have a heart at all?

Have a drink

How's the lamb's blood?

That's sinful

Some people murder their own kids

That's sinful

l won't listen to you anymore

Don't forget you signed an agreement

l don't care l'll make it myself

l guarantee you won't make it

Of course l will

Flit, your time is running out

l know

Deliver tomorrow or you'll be eternally damned

l have to give you Bruce then

Yes

Peggy, l've been putting on a clown's face

God knows how often l cry though

l've tried in vain to win your love

To prove l really love you

l'll kill a man

So everybody will know l'm not lying

l don't know if he is kidding

He's capable of doing it though

At the right moment cry out ''Mother!''

How many times though?

lt doesn't really matter

Oh, mother!

You're being bullied you have to cry

We want the moviegoers to cry with you

The theatre will become a crying house

Don't touch my props

That is a bomb......

Tell Mrs Huang to get ready

Go get Mrs Huang

l'll go

That woman caused you to lose your voice

They're ready for you Mr Huang

l don't want to see you again

Action

The doctor told me l'd die in two days

lt's all your wife's fault

This upsets me so much

Mother

Don't call me mother you depress me

l'm so mad

Mrs Huang is a marvelous actress

You dare do anything

You caused my son to have brain cancer

l'll kill you

Don't hit her, hit me

l'll kill you right now

That's so moving

l'll kill you

Stop that please

Are you for real?

Hitting you is like hitting myself

Don't hit so hard

You're such a bad son

Please stop hitting him

l'm so moved

Mother can't you find him a good doctor?

l can if you promise to leave him

l'm so moved

l'm sorry, Nancy

Don't be sorry, dear

l'll get you some water

No, you won't. l'll get it

You'll get it

Go away, you hypocrite Drink this

Thank you, mother

Sit down first

Get mother a glass of water

Mother

Get lost

A pear?

l raised you up

And your wife bullies me in return

Nancy is very pitiful

What about you then? You are dying

Don't mix up the issue

l told you not to marry her

Do you really want me dead?

You'll die sooner or later

l can't stand to leave Nancy behind

Steve

Either she leaves or l'll kill myself

Please stop that, mother

Nancy, don't cry!

Don't stop me, l want to die

l'll kill myself

l'd better leave, Steve

Don't leave, Nancy

Stop that please, mother

l don't want to live

Let her

You can always find another woman

Forget her, my son

Why should this happen to me? Why me?

Where are you going, Nancy?

Come back to me, Nancy

This time you'll get it

Why me? lt's not fair!

Cheer up, my son. Eat something

l don't want to eat

Of course you do

Bon appetite, l'm going to bed

Good night

What the hell is this?

Cut

That's an Oscar performance Rocky

May l have your autograph?

Easy everyone will get an autograph

Our relationship is right out of a movie

Understandings and misunderstandings

Fun times and tragic times

Encounters and absences

Bruce, time's up

What are you doing?

Come with me

l'm not going with you

We made a deal

What deal? Let me go

Are you all right?

Where did you get a crucifix?

l bought it cost only two dollars

We have to leave right away

Come with me

This seems to be a safe spot

Can't you leave that Devil?

l sold my soul to him l signed an agreement

How can l stay with a soul-less person?

What will happen to our son?

You aren't handsome to begin with

That l know, but love is blind

You're not the Bruce l knew

You would never have wanted to kill

l was led astray

You've changed

No, l haven't

God, l don't want to demon son please help me

l can help you

You again?

Don't look away from my eyes

lt's your stink of liquor

l told you that you were in danger

Please help him, Rev.

l've always wanted this opportunity

Who else has he got?

Let's go get him

l don't want to make any more deals

l want to do it on my own

He'll chew you up

Bruce

Be careful, Bruce

Flit! Flit!

Give me back the agreement

l want to cancel it

lt's irrevocable

lt's a one-way ticket return not guaranteed

Especially when you're going to hell

l don't want to be a ghost

lt's not up to you

Let me go

To where?

See if you can leave this field

There's no way out

There's no way out

There's no way out

There's no way out

l'll dictate your every move

No you won't

Stop

Yes, boss

Slap yourself on the face

Yes, boss

Get down here

Yes, boss

You are a dog

Yes, boss

Knell and bow

Yes, boss

Like you, l have a boss too

l'm whatever he wants me to be

Yes, boss

l deliver l'll be eternally damned

l'd rather you be the one

Don't be scared, Bruce

Get that crucifix away

Yes, boss

Don't listen to him

Yes, boss

Bite that bastard

Yes, boss

Don't be a dog

Yes, boss

Bite his hand

Yes, boss

Bruce

lt's my hand, bite his

Don't!

Bruce, Come with me

Bruce! Bruce!

Why did you make me so useless?

Can't you make me more able?

Just give me 1/100 of Christ's power

or l'll sign up with the Devil

l've found it

l've got the force

Where did Bruce go?

l don't want to kill you but......

l wash my hands off your case

To please you l'll do as you wish

Bruce, get up

Lie down

Get up

Lie down

Fly, Bruce

Ahead of you, Boss

Come down, Bruce l'll catch you

Wake up

Are you all right?

How did you know l'd be here?

l have the force with me now

The force?

l'll get you back first

lt's useless he's not a ghost

l've got to get my agreement

Where is it?

Over there

Go get it

Why wouldn't the crucifix work?

Where is it?

Over here

Get going

You play with him

l'll kill you

Boss

ldiot

ln front of you

Behind you

ln front

He's got missiles

You're injured

Leave me be just get your agreement

Go

Are you all right?

Go get your agreement now

Single strike

Single strike again

Double Quinella

Bastard

Help me God!

l'm willing to believe in Christ now

Even Christ can't help this time

Leave him alone, take me

Take me, l'd rather l die

Charge

Hi, lncredible Hulk

Where's the Devil?

He's turned into light

lt's not over yet

Your eyes are ugly

l'm half a ghost now

Can you terminate that Devil?

How?

Look

He's coming back with more tricks

Nobody can help us now

Are you good in electronic games

The best there is

lt's up to you then

What direction?

Fire! Are you deaf?

Yes, l'm also blind

Bonus time

Whoever buffs gets it

Right on target again

The missiles are coming

Aim our rockets upwards

Got all four of them

Got all the Space lnvaders

How did that happen?

What's wrong with you?

Power failure

Stop fooling around, will you?

Power is back

Fire

One, two, make it three

l've won another round

Another failure

Don't drop dead on me now

Don't hit so hard mine is not a monkey brain

Shape up then

Take better aims don't waste bullets

What's the matter?

l'm finished

We're winning you've got to hang in there

What's our score?

lt should be a new record soon

l won't quit then

You have to push me

Absolutely

Push me

Get in closer

Closer still

Push me

Get in closer

Missed again

Push, push!

What's wrong with you?

How am l doing?

Worse than an old woman

Push me closer and l'll get him

Are you that weak?

Where's the Devil?

Right in front of you

Lower! Fire! Lower! Fire!

Double Bonus

Come to heaven with me

Come to hell with me

Heaven

Hell

Heaven

Hell

Their ashes are still fighting

Heaven

Hell

l'm free

lt's all over now, you're free

l'm Juliet have you seen Romeo?

No

Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?

Romeo don't leave me alone here

Help!

That's incredible

Romeo, wait for me

ln the end

Mankind is bothered by troublemakers who......