Original subtitles

Senator, you're the prohibitive favorite

to be the Democratic Party's nominee for President.

I'd like you to come to Nashua, New Hampshire, Thursday night

and hear Jed Bartlet speak.

I work for Senator Hoynes.

I'd like you to be the Vice President.

Josh Lyman. Joseph Quincy.

A guy this qualified, I'd know who he was.

Something's wrong.

You're a Republican.

Yes. Oh-ho!

Joe, it's fine.

Ainsley Hayes was a Republican.

It is not fine!

Why not? 'Cause if you're

a Republican, then you damn well

better look like Ainsley Hayes!

He does!

I'm Charlie Young.

Mm.

( heels clicking crisply )

What is your name?

It's Cl-- um... It's Claire.

It's Claire Huddle.

( door opens )

Claire Huddle, Mr. President.

Uh, it turns out it has to go to the Secretary of State.

There's a law: It's 3-USC-20.

It goes to the Secretary of State.

But we'll take care of it.

Why did you take a cab?

( quietly ): My car wouldn't start.

I'm sorry?

( louder ): My car wouldn't start.

You know what's in here?

It's okay.

( all murmuring )

C.J.: Good morning! Hi, C.J.

C.J., we have a question about...

Hang on-- before we do anything, happy birthday, Mark.

And don't ever say I don't pay attention to these things.

My birthday's in December.

Alright, go ahead and say it, then. What do I care?

Do you know if the President

has any opinion on the Trustees Report?

You're talking about Medicare? I don't think

he's seen it yet, but I'll find out.

HR 235: Increasing Fuel Efficiency Standards.

Is he going to twist arms?

He gonna do what he's gotta do.

Does that involve having the OMB--

He gonna do what he's gotta do, Phil.

And do you know if he's going to go

to the Children's Defense Fund dinner?

I don't know. I know he wants to,

but it's still pretty early in the week.

I'm going to go into the office.

No, C.J.-- Wait, Katie, I'm sorry.

You were asking something at the beginning

and I cut you off to wish Mark a happy birthday.

You know, just in case, why don't you

come in with me-- the rest,

I'll see you at 11:00. Well, this is Ralph Gish, our science editor.

Hi. We've never met. It's my pleasure.

Same here.

Why is Science coming to the White House?

It's about the Vice President.

Come on in.

Uh...

Are you familiar with the NASA Commission

on Space Science and Research?

Only to the extent that I'm aware that it exists.

But I can take your question

to the President's science advisor.

No, this is not a science question.

Is the White House concealing a report

from the Commission

containing two different pieces of evidence

of water molecules on Mars?

Is there a report that's not being released,

a report from the NASA Commission

on Space Science and Research

saying fossilized water molecules

were found on a meteorite--

I won't tell you when this thing blew off the surface of Mars--

but, that this report...

Come here.

I called you back for a single in front of everybody.

That costs me.

Your question is: "Is there life on Mars?"

And "Is the White House hiding that there's life on Mars?"

And what the hell does this have to do with the Vice President?!

The Vice President heads the NASA Commission. Katerina--

The source says the Vice President told them personally.

That's absurd! I know, but Gish...

You've got to ask Gish what kind of credible source

goes to the science editor with a story, instead of--

He doesn't know who the source is.

The source went to another reporter at our paper

and that reporter went to Gish.

I can't imagine that it's true.

Is there an existing report that says anything at all,

and if so, what?

And will it be made public,

and, if not, why?

And, if not, isn't that illegal?

Um, I don't know.

But I'll find out, to the first bunch of questions

and, as for "legal" and "not legal,"

that's a matter for the Counsel's Office.

Oh, hey, yeah, that's a matter for the Counsel's Office.

I know the right guy to speak to down there.

He's going to fix you right up.

( sighs )

( chuckles softly )

Mr. Quincy? Yeah.

I'm Blair Spoonhour. I'm staffed with the Counsel's Office.

You're staffed with the Counsel's Office?

Yeah.

What are you, 14? Thank you. No.

I'm 22.

I'm a law student at GW.

What year?

I just finished my first.

Anyway, they share assistants in the Counsel's Office

but they asked me to stick around

for your first couple days

to break you in.

Break me in?

You're 22 years old, and where am I right now?

This is the office traditionally given

to new lawyers who are hired.

Uh-huh.

And what is it when it's not occupied?

The steam pipe trunk distribution venue.

This White House doesn't like lawyers very much, do they?

Really, they just hold them one rung above being a Republican.

Well, then we've won the jackpot, haven't we?

Oh, don't tell me

that you're one of those people who group up

with the parents... You know what?

Law School, let's just settle down.

Do I have briefing memos I have to read?

What did you think that these were?

I thought that was Xerox paper.

You're Associate White House Counsel, Mr. Quincy.

We're not going to store Xerox paper in your office.

Sure. We'd never want to

compromise the aesthetic integrity

of the steam pipe trunk distribution venue.

Triage those: What I should read

( knocking at door ) first, second, third.

Excuse me.

That's a great outfit, Blair.

Mr. Quincy, this is White House Press Secretary C.J. Cregg.

Yeah. Thanks.

I don't want you to feel like

you should be helping me with these boxes,

because there are only nine of them,

and it's an easy flight of stairs...

Go to work.

Thank you. He's a Republican, too.

Yes, he's a Republican, too, Mr. Quincy is.

Joe.

This is a cool office, Joe.

Ha.

Got a little window up there near the ceiling

that looks out onto the, uh... the...

What do you call it? The...

Alley? Yeah.

And, you know, if you hang 'em on that pipe

in the corner, late afternoon,

you get your suits pressed right in front of you.

You're the welcoming committee, aren't you?

Hey, no, but that's a good idea.

Let me show you around.

As a matter of fact, I should probably stay here

and get started on... Joe, I outrank you by, like, 17 rungs,

so follow me, would you?

Sure.

Come on, it's going to be fun.

But if it's not, you should pretend

that it is, anyway. You know why?

'Cause you outrank me by, like, 17 rungs?

Hey, no, but again, I like how you're thinking.

So, do you know what I'm going to get asked about probably

at my first briefing today?

The Department of Agriculture report

that'll come out this morning

saying that commodity prices are down six percent this year,

and do I suppose the White House is going to respond

to the farmers who are going broke?

And I thought, since the Republicans tore up the farm safety net,

you might have a good idea for what I should say.

How about "food is cheaper, and that's good"?

You're saying it's good that farmers

can't sell what they grow for a living wage?

No, as a matter of fact, I wasn't.

I was saying that it's good that you can buy food

for less than an entire wage.

It's good except, whoa! Those pesky farmers again.

Don't worry about it, though,

'cause it's not like there are that many of them.

No, wait, I misspoke.

Agriculture is this country's biggest industry.

Aren't you supposed to be showing me around?

That was the staircase, okay? What do you want?

It was the Dolly Madison staircase.

There's the Roosevelt Room. I've been in there.

Nobody cares. Okay.

Well, this may sound silly,

but the science editor from the Washington Post

has a source-- a blind source--

who says the Vice President personally told him--

the blind source--

that the Vice President interfered to classify a report

that a NASA commission, which he heads, has

saying there's life on Mars.

God, why would you think that would make you sound silly?

Would you find out who broke the law, please?

Sure.

The farmers are victims of this Republican Congress.

I don't get a vote in the U.S. House of Representatives,

but I do go to the grocery store.

I know that food is cheaper,

and I know that when life expectancy goes up,

that's not victimizing undertakers.

Well-argued, though

I do hate you and everything you stand for.

Claudia Jean, you've only known me for four minutes.

It usually takes people the better part of an hour

to hate me and everything I stand for.

I'm the press secretary, Boo-Boo.

I don't have that kind of time.

Can I ask you something? Yeah.

What do I do if I need to speak to the Vice President?

You speak to the Vice President, Joe.

You're his lawyer.

and, yeah, even Rex are all loaded up

for that vacation you've worked hard for all year.

Rex is the dog? Yeah.

Is that what you want to have happen

on the way to your favorite campsite?

Tell your Congressman that America's about freedom.

Tell your Congressman to vote "no" on 235.

That family isn't going to be able to drive up that hill

if we increase fuel efficiency standards.

Well, that family isn't gonna get up the hill

'cause Dad's trying to pull

the kids, the camping gear, Rex the dog

and what would appear to be his den up K-2 in a Ford Falcon.

No, actually, it's the power of the ad.

Say that again.

Actually, the power of the...

You thought that ad was powerful?

Yeah. You think it sucks?

Yeah! If I'm watching that ad...

The ad wasn't for you.

It wasn't about Dad, it was about Mom

looking worried in the front seat.

That was for soccer moms? Yes.

That? Yes.

Soccer moms recognize a Big 3 hosing

when it walks up and introduces itself good as anyone,

and they know it often begins with

"Tell your Congressman America's about freedom."

And that mom was worried

'cause Dad's hauling a yard sale up Kilimanjaro.

And she's thinking, "Wow, I married an idiot."

She's worried 'cause the kids are in back.

That's what the ad's about.

You think it's gonna be effective?

I think it says the President and a bunch of Hollywood types

want to put your kids in a small car

so they can save the sky.

How did the Hollywood types get into this equation?

I don't know, how do they ever?

You think we should run a counter ad.

We have to. Saying what?

Oh, I don't know.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

We've been sitting here for 20 minutes.

I came in to show you the spots and to tell you

I think we should run a counter ad.

I don't have an idea for one.

Well, get one. Have an idea.

Don't come in here with half a thing and not be able to--

you know, after you've walked me to the brink

and say, "We've got to do this, it's important,

though I have no earthly idea how."

Like one of those guys who buys a big new thing

but doesn't really know how to get the most out of it!

Toby, either get Andy to marry you or kill yourself.

Yeah.

I'll start putting together a counter ad. Thanks.

You want me to turn these lights down, draw the blinds?

No.

Okay.

( tapping )

( tapping )

( tapping )

Stop it.

( tapping )

Stop it.

( tapping )

Stop it.

( tapping )

You have to stop it.

( sighs )

( tapping )

Stop it.

( tapping )

Stop it.

You are gonna hurt your beak.

( tapping ) Stop it.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm sorry, but this bird has been sitting here

tapping on the window for... I'm not kidding,

I don't know how long, but a long time.

I've lost track 'cause I'm moving into certain phases

of dementia with this thing.

Well, let me get rid of it.

No, no, no, no, no.

What? What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna scare him away. No.

I'm not gonna hurt him. No, come on, he's a bird.

He's not bothering anybody.

In a second, he's gonna be bothering me, right?

No.

( tapping ) Stop it.

No, because you're gonna want to go see Leo right now.

Why?

Carol got a call in the press office.

"Did the White House press the Justice Department

to call off their anti-trust investigation of Casseon?"

No. No what?

No, we didn't.

You don't want to take the call to Leo.

Justice didn't call off the investigation.

They reached a settlement with Casseon.

The call was from the Post, and they say they have a source.

You can work with C.J.'s office

to run down the source and see what's going on.

You're saying I can do this?

Excuse me.

Hey. Hang on. How's it going so far?

Good. Thanks.

I was wondering if I had a few questions for Leo McGarry,

do I go straight to his office

or do you like me to run it by you first?

At the beginning I'm gonna ask you to give me a quick hit

just so you can learn to keep the crazy stuff

out of his office.

( tapping ) Stop it. Stop it.

Why, what do you got?

A reporter looking into the White House

suppressing a NASA Commission.

This is two in one day.

I just got "Did the White House

interfere with Casseon anti-trust?"

Yeah,

you can go ahead and work with C.J.'s office... and sure.

Thanks.

Wait.

What did they say we got in exchange

for calling off the D.O.J.?

100,000 computers in classrooms.

They said that? You weren't just making a joke? No.

They said that to...

Carol said the reporter said that?

Yeah.

Well, now we go see Leo.

So you're our new sawbones.

A sawbones is a doctor. Is it?

Yeah. Lawyer's a shyster.

I got him to say it.

I don't... Josh is a lawyer.

Well, yeah, I mean, he went to law school, but...

You don't practice law is all I was saying.

I don't practice law?

I help write the laws, I write the laws,

I make the laws, I am the law.

We're having a problem with a bird outside our office,

are you having that problem?

Oh, better than that.

I think I may have a family of bats.

Margaret, this is Joe Quincy.

Yes, Joe.

The girls in the Political Affairs office

saw you before and asked me to tell you

that they wouldn't have covered your parking spot with mayonnaise

if they'd known you were a biscuit.

Okay.

Well, tell them, you know, no problem.

Leo...

What do you need? Quickly.

Set a record, right now. Make the news.

You mind if I go first?

Okay, Donna just got a question from the Post...

I'm sorry, by the way,

have you met... Yeah, I met him. What?

Alright, you go first.

Yeah, Mr. McGarry, the Press Secretary came to me

with a question from the Post's science editor,

who has a source claiming that a NASA study was classified

at the urging of the White House.

What do they think it said?

That... sir, I'm, you know...

they claim it said that a meteorite from Mars...

( clears throat ): from Mars was discovered in Antarctica

about 30 years ago and that we found fossilized carbonate molecules.

That we know there's life on Mars,

that's what they're saying we're suppressing.

The Defense Department classified

the NASA Commission report.

I'm sorry? That report was classified by the Department of Defense.

The report exists.

Well, I can't tell you that, Joe, it was classified.

But I can tell you it was classified

by the Defense Department.

What about you?

Did we get the Justice Department to call off

it's anti-trust investigation with Casseon.

They didn't call it off, they settled.

I know, but ask Donna what they bribed us with.

Tell him what the Post said we got in exchange

for calling off Justice.

100,000 computers in classrooms.

What?

That was part of the settlement-- 100,000 computers.

There's a leak.

This, the Mars, people...

don't even get me started on that,

'cause the stuff I think you still won't tell me.

Who knew about the terms with Casseon outside us...

and now them?

The President, me and you, Counsel,

Counsel at Treasury and Commerce.

Two, three guys at NEC. Hackley, Little, May...

The Vice President. Yeah.

The Assistant Attorney General for anti-trust.

Did we say the... Excuse me.

Are you saying the Vice President

knew the terms of the Casseon settlement?

Sure. Fix this, would you please?

There's a story out there we're obstructing justice

and another one we're like in a Ray Bradbury yarn.

These things make me crazy. Yes, sir.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

It's going to be something-- all it needs to be is,

it's got to be something pointing toward....

I'm sorry. Cassie, you have the turkey? Yeah.

A soccer mom. No.

Fade in on an SUV

stuck in the mud.

The soccer mom behind the wheel

is switching from reverse to drive,

her wheels spinning in place,

and behind her, we see she's pulling-- wait for it--

A Saudi oil rig.

A Saudi oil rig, that's exactly right.

She's trying to pull a Saudi oil rig.

We're in mind meld right now, Lauren number two and I.

I'm number three.

How are people gonna know it's a Saudi oil rig?

How are people gonna know it's a Saudi oil rig?

Well, that's a good point.

Yeah, you know, you had the number two ranking

among the Laurens, but you lost it.

She's number one 'cause she got the food,

then I expect the two of you to compete for the two spot.

Will? What you got, Lauren Shelby?

What if instead of hauling a Saudi oil rig,

she's hauling actual Saudis?

Hauling Saudis?

Like a U-Haul full of Saudis?

Maybe the oil rig could have Arabic writing on it.

Is this coming awfully close to a 15-second spot the Klan might produce?

I was about to say. You had the chicken?

Thank you. I'm starving. You know what we should do?

We should use the same family.

Hey, yes, it's the same family.

We get the same actors, driving an SUV this time,

but they have to stop every three miles for gas.

I like it. Who else?

How's that joke gonna play in 15 seconds?

How's it gonna play in 15 seconds?

Alright, give your food back.

Will? We're not hauling Saudis.

You understand I'm not saying

the soccer mom's dragging them up the hill,

They'd be super comfortable.

Stop talking.

Okay.

CHARLIE: Helen Baldwin is gonna write a book.

She's retained an agent,

who sent around a two-page outline,

and there's a bidding war.

Random House has bought it for low seven figures

according to Stu Winkle.

Could that possibly be his real name?

"Baldwin, long a fixture in D.C. and Manhattan society,

"whether for her work on charity boards

"or her position on the arm of some of Wall Street,

"Washington and Hollywood's most eligible men,

as well as hosting some of the Beltway's favorite..."

What the hell kind of sentence is this?

( sighs )

This is 73-year-old lady who works in the Residence,

cleaning and winding all the clocks.

She won't retire.

She inherited it from her mother

who inherited it from her mother.

She earns $22,000 a year.

She's trusted to walk in and out of rooms

where there's personal correspondence,

where she can hear if the President and First Lady are having a fight,

where she can see people come for secret meetings,

and she's been doing this

for five decades worth of Presidents.

Her name is Mrs. Wheely,

and I said, "Mrs. Wheely, you should really write a book,"

and she said, "No, no, no, we don't do that."

22,000 a year.

You said I wouldn't even know you were here.

Just so you know, I can tell that you are.

Are you eating a salad?

Yeah. Why?

'Cause I am.

I don't think I've ever seen you eat a salad.

What kind of salad is it?

I don't know.

Just mixed greens?

I don't know what kind of salad it is.

I'm eating a salad, okay?

I'm doing it. Do I have to know the names?

There's no difference between them.

It's a bowl of weeds.

Some of them have cheese.

This isn't the kind with cheese.

Does that answer your question?

How many years have you guys been--

"Toby, you eat like a teenager."

"Toby, that's red meat."

"That's your second cigar."

Here I am eating a salad, which by the way,

you can cover this thing in barbecue sauce

and it would still taste like the ground,

and I'm getting heckled from the gallery,

who wanted to come in here to eat his roast beef sandwich

with ketchup on a kaiser roll

and watch the damn tennis on my TV!

That's all I'm saying.

Man, Toby, you're really doing everything

you can do to get that woman to marry you?

Yes, I'm doing everything I can. What?

Excuse me, I'm Joe Quincy.

They told you I was coming by?

Yeah. You are the new sawbones.

Donna Moss already got me to say it.

( snaps fingers ) Damn it.

This is Charlie Young.

Sure.

How you doin'?

Your office had requested comments

on your draft statement about a decision

from the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.

Yeah. If Counsel's fine,

you just have C.J. Cregg's office put it out.

Yeah, I saw it was headed there,

the language is incendiary, and I wasn't sure if you knew

that you can't beat up on the Appeals Courts

and then expect the Supreme Court to hear the case.

Did I beat up on them in the notes for the press comments?

Yes. What did I say?

You said in this case

that the Fourth Circuit lacked judicial imagination

God gave pistachio nuts.

( laughs )

They did!

Perhaps.

Joe, did you think I was going to have the Press Secretary,

on behalf of the President,

compare a Federal judge to a pistachio nut?

The language gets cleaned up on C.J.'s desk.

That makes sense.

Toby is distracted by a woman.

And salads.

You know when you do ten minutes

on Helen Baldwin getting a book deal, it's righteous,

but I speak my mind after getting poked with a stick

and it's 'cause of Andy!

Helen Baldwin has a book deal?

Yeah.

Where did you find that out?

I'm glad you asked,

'cause it gives me the opportunity to say Stu Winkle.

I got it from Stu Winkle, the Post's man in the thick of it.

He's their gossip guy? Yeah.

Is he new there? Yeah.

Okay.

The northwest lobby is... is that way?

Yeah.

You just go that way and then, you know, ask somebody else.

Thanks. Sorry for jumping the gun

on the Fourth Circuit. Joe?

What's going on?

I'm sure it's nothing, and this is just my first day.

Two press inquiries, they came to my attention

that sounded... alike is all.

Can I get back to you?

Make sure you do.

Josh thinks you should advance the numbers

on sales of first homes to the Journal.

He says the Times got sales of existing homes.

You know what happens with negotiated press leaks?

Two thirds of the press gives us lousy coverage

'cause they're tweaked they didn't get the leak,

and the other third... ( tapping )

...doesn't give us better coverage 'cause they... ( tapping )

What was that? I don't believe it.

( tapping ) Josh has this guy at his window, too.

They think they see their reflection in the window,

and they think it's another bird. ( tapping )

What's the learning curve on a bird?

( tapping )

Stop it.

( knocking )

Excuse me.

Sorry, we thought for a second,

you were a huge bird knocking on the door.

Is something going on with birds?

Well, one of them is obsessed with Donna.

It's true, I'm like Tippi Hedren around here.

I'm sorry, would you mind if...

No.

Can I close the door?

Donna just did.

You said the science editor,

when he came to you with the question

about the NASA Commission...

I wouldn't worry too much about Mars.

I gave it to you to give you a hard time. No kidding.

By the way, there was a report,

but it was classified by the Defense Department.

And we'll leave how much, I didn't want to know about that

for another time. What's the problem?

You said the science editor had a blind source, that it came

from someone else at the paper, and I... I think

I know who it was. Who?

A guy named Stu Winkle who has a new gossip column.

get a hold of a story How wouabout the Pentagon?st

I'd rather not say yet. Why?

'Cause if I'm wrong, it'll be inappropriate

that I suggested it, and I'll be held in contempt.

You are wrong.

No, I'm not.

Stu Winkles don't get tips

about the White House illegally suppressing reports.

The NASA report's over.

I'm not concerned with that.

Would you mind calling him right now and leading him to confirm

that he's the other reporter?

You want me to call Stu Winkle?

He has a new column, you're calling to wish him luck.

I don't usually make personal calls to gossip columnists.

He's going to be very flattered.

And you won't tell me why?

No. Even if I give you assurances

that I already hold you in contempt?

Yes.

( sighs )

Carol!

Would you get me Stu Winkle at the Washington Post.

I'm sorry?

Stu Winkle at the Post.

Winkle? Yes.

Okay, when you get him on the phone, here's what you say...

I know what to say.

( sighs )

( chuckles )

Judicial imagination of pistachio nuts.

Can't say that to the Fourth Circuit.

No.

( door opens )

C.J., you have Stu Winkle on one.

Stu, this is C.J. Cregg at the White House.

Stu?

Oh, my God, it's really you, isn't it?

It is, and I saw you have a new column

and I think it's terrific

and everyone here at the White House wishes you a lot of luck.

You are the classiest thing for calling me.

Well...

You are the classiest thing.

You're my hero, C.J.

Your brilliance and your sense of humor and your clothes.

Thank you.

The evening gowns, who makes them for you?

Do not tell me you buy off the rack, I'll kill you.

Well, I'm a girl on a budget.

Oh, don't try that on me. No, really.

( clears throat )

Oh, yeah, like the party at the Japanese Embassy,

you were wearing a dress from Saks.

Stu, I wanted to get you a direct answer

to that NASA Commission question

that Ralph Gish and Katie brought me this morning.

It was the Defense Department

and not the White House who classified the report.

Stu?

Uh, well, that makes perfect sense.

I hope, I hope you don't mind, it sounded crazy enough,

but what do I know? So, you got to run these things down.

You know, I know you have all the free time in the world,

but it would be great if we could get together

for a quick coffee one day, and I'll tell you why.

You may find it hard to believe, but before I got

into this lighter stuff, I was a serious journalist.

I don't mean boring/serious, but, you know...

( Stu continues talking )

( Stu still talking )

( Stu chuckling )

And then after that, I spent two years

getting people to call me at Town and Country

before I realized I was better off getting...

So, I freelanced my butt off.

( Stu continues rambling )

I felt good about myself, but you know what?

That stuff pays the same amount per word

as if I sat down with Angela Moviestar for an hour...

Somebody else gets the Pulitzer Prize-winning investigation...

I need to maximize the amount I make per hour.

But now that I've been doing this for, like, geez, gosh,

what, ten years already, I'm doing what...

at the Post...

Stu, thank you very much.

I'm sorry, I have to go.

Well, I cannot tell you how class...

Carol?

Yeah.

I need to see Josh and Toby,

and Joe needs to see the Vice President.

Okay.

on legal and regulatory reforms.

We've got the whole

regulatory agenda left over from last time.

We do.

Seriously, the whole agenda is left over.

And Vice President Abou El-Azm wants the trade

and investment framework.

Yeah, well, my point is, we can get to that

in a closed-door session,

and you understand it can't appear

as if I'm saying the Syrian question

is less urgent.

Yes, sir.

Well, it's been a long day.

We're done.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Vice President.

Thank you, Mr. Vice President.

Guys?

Do me a favor.

Don't go home yet.

Wait for me a minute, okay?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

( sighs )

( door opening )

Good evening, Mr. Vice President.

Good evening.

You brought friendly faces.

Sir?

You brought friendly faces.

That was considerate.

You're Joe Quincy?

Yes, sir. This is your first day?

Yes, sir.

Well, they're going

to put your picture up someplace.

You're going to get honored at a luncheon.

We were just meeting in here.

I have a bilateral commission

with the Vice President of Egypt.

It's in Cairo this year.

We see how legal and financial systems can attract

foreign investments, so look out

for ShopEgypt.org, I suppose.

And you're going to tell me I'm not going to Cairo.

Mr. Vice President, have you been

having an affair with Helen Baldwin

while here at the White House?

He's asking because...

I should hit you in the face.

He's asking because...

I know why he's asking.

I know why he's asking.

I understand why you're here.

I've spoken with C.J.

Yes.

( sighs )

And I like to show off. I...

said things.

I said I'd seen proof of life on Mars.

I said I'd

intervened at the Justice Department

to put a 100,000 computers into classrooms,

which I thought made me sound like a good guy.

( sighs )

What, did you hear a rumor once?

Yes, sir.

And you saw Helen had a book deal,

and you knew she must have teased them with something.

It's a tell-all.

A couple of items in the gossip columns.

Maybe the gossip guy was the science editor's contact?

Yes, sir.

Whew. Well, you earned your money today.

This could have been bad,

but you found it early.

What do I do now?

Sir, I'm an Associate Counsel,

and this is my first day.

I've spoken to Oliver Babish,

who's gotten on a plane...

What do I do now?

I think you've got to talk to your family now, sir.

Thanks.

Thank you, Mr. Vice President.

Thank you, Mr. Vice President.

Thank you, sir.

I hope I didn't see you smile in there.

You didn't. Josh?

Yeah? You didn't.

LAUREN SHELBY: Gas Masks.

WILL: Yes.

Something with gas masks.

Sing to me, Lauren Romano.

I'm Lauren Romano.

Keep going with the gas masks.

Mothers barely able to even see their children

through the haze of gas masks.

Wow, you rode it right off the rails there, didn't you?

I did.

Anyone else think it's weird that Toby had a salad?

Anyone else think it's weird

that it was nine hours ago,

and Lauren Romano's still talking about it?

I'm Lauren Romano.

Clear blue sky.

The camera tilts down into a slowly thickening haze...

Listen to this.

Clear blue sky.

The camera tilts down into a slowly thickening haze

until it levels on a suburban street.

An SUV filled with mom, dad and the kids--

the same actors from the other ad, and Rex--

they get out, and they're wearing gas masks.

We've also got one

where the family's towing Saudis in a U-Haul.

( sighs )

Doesn't really have the feel of high-minded debate, does it?

No, but actually, you don't want it to.

Why not?

'Cause we're countering an attack ad,

and when you're in the trenches on one of these things,

and they're throwing...

But we're not in the trenches.

( laughs )

Two bodies of government are debating fuel efficiency

at the highest level.

We're not in the trenches.

( sighs )

I don't know.

I know, it's a 15-second spot.

We got to scare them.

I just don't feel like doing that tonight.

( sighs )

Will, you need to come with me.

I need to tell you what's about to happen.

You've talked to Suzanne?

I'm sorry, sir?

You've talked to Suzanne?

Yeah.

What happened?

You know what happened. Tell me again.

How many times? When did it start?

I don't think it matters.

I'll tell you what, Mr. Vice President.

For this moment, tonight,

I'm going to be in charge of deciding what matters.

47 phone calls?

Did you not know

that the White House keeps records of phone calls?

Did you not know that?

How many times?

When did it start?

It is none of your business.

I'm about to read about it in a book!

Then read about it!

Didn't it ever occur to you

that she might do this?

No.

I didn't think she would.

You were wrong.

Do you think there's anyone else behind this?

I don't know.

Do you think she may have

been coached by Republican Leadership?

I don't know.

John, if we're going to weather this,

then we're going to have to...

We're not going to weather this.

We will. We won't.

I'm resigning.

If we're going to do this, we've got to start tonight, now,

and I need you thinking now, and not giving up...

Yes, sir, I'm resigning the Vice Presidency.

What about "It's none of your business?"

I leaked classified information.

It is their business.

It's also a felony.

Are you in a position to deny it?

No.

She's made a seven-figure book deal.

She's not going to have a lot of credibility.

Well, since when does she need credibility?

Apologize and move on.

Accept responsibility.

You don't need to disclose details.

She's going to take care of that for you.

You're going to be the dinner special

for two months, and then you've got two and a half years

to get the nomination.

I'm not getting the nomination.

In the middle of MS, it looked like

we were never going to recover, and we did.

Which is why it's never going to happen again.

John... That was it.

That was the one you get.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Vice President,

if my multiple sclerosis was a bummer for your sex life.

How the hell did you do this to us?!

( sighs )

You can't resign, John.

It's a terrible signal to send.

Sir,

if I stay, it sabotages an entire agenda,

and you know I'm right,

and the party's going

to need a candidate who can win.

And I think the least I can do for Suzanne is not

to drag her through it so much.

Is there more? Is there another shoe,

'cause if it's a series of...

I'd imagine she's going to describe...

You're still going to get dragged through it, sir.

It's not going to change anything.

Only now, you're going to be out there alone

with no mechanism or apparatus for a comeback.

Leo... Which I'm telling you you can do.

You can make it.

I can help you.

I don't want to take my family through it.

You're a giant, John.

You're a U.S. Senator,

the Vice President of the United States,

and presumptive nominee of your party.

You cannot be taken down by this... cheap person

and her customers huddled around Macy's window

waiting for someone to turn themselves inside out.

It's cause for divorce... not resignation.

You can't be taken down by this cheap person.

The President knows I'm right.

So do you.

The truth is,

I took an oath, too...

so...

Didn't you have any sense

that this was the kind of person who would do this?

Hasn't it been your experience

that they look pretty much like the people who wouldn't?

Well, I want you

to sleep on it.

I want all of us to sleep on it.

Thank you, Mr. President.

( rolling thunder )

Why did you take a cab?

( quietly ): My car wouldn't start.

I'm sorry.

My car wouldn't start.

You know what's in here?

It's okay.

Okay.

Yeah, we're going to need a new Vice President.