All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S04E21.WEBRip.x264-FGT

Senator, you're the
prohibitive favorite

to be the Democratic Party's
nominee for President.

I'd like you to come to
Nashua, New Hampshire,
Thursday night

and hear Jed Bartlet speak.

I work for Senator Hoynes.

I'd like you to be
the Vice President.

Josh Lyman.
Joseph Quincy.

A guy this qualified,
I'd know who he was.

Something's wrong.

You're a Republican.

Yes.
Oh-ho!

Joe, it's fine.

Ainsley Hayes
was a Republican.

It is not fine!

Why not?
'Cause if you're

a Republican,
then you damn well

better look like
Ainsley Hayes!

He does!

I'm Charlie Young.

Mm.

( heels clicking crisply )

What is your name?

It's Cl-- um...
It's Claire.

It's Claire Huddle.

( door opens )

Claire Huddle,
Mr. President.

Uh, it turns out it has to go
to the Secretary of State.

There's a law:
It's 3-USC-20.

It goes to
the Secretary of State.

But we'll take care of it.

Why did you take a cab?

( quietly ):
My car wouldn't start.

I'm sorry?

( louder ):
My car wouldn't start.

You know what's in here?

It's okay.

( all murmuring )

C.J.:
Good morning!
Hi, C.J.

C.J., we have a
question about...

Hang on-- before we do anything,
happy birthday, Mark.

And don't ever say I
don't pay attention
to these things.

My birthday's
in December.

Alright, go ahead
and say it, then.
What do I care?

Do you know
if the President

has any opinion on
the Trustees Report?

You're talking about Medicare?
I don't think

he's seen it yet,
but I'll find out.

HR 235: Increasing
Fuel Efficiency Standards.

Is he going
to twist arms?

He gonna do what
he's gotta do.

Does that involve
having the OMB--

He gonna do what
he's gotta do, Phil.

And do you know
if he's going to go

to the Children's
Defense Fund dinner?

I don't know.
I know he wants to,

but it's still pretty
early in the week.

I'm going to go
into the office.

No, C.J.--
Wait, Katie,
I'm sorry.

You were asking something
at the beginning

and I cut you off to wish Mark
a happy birthday.

You know, just in case,
why don't you

come in with me-- the rest,

I'll see you at 11:00.
Well, this is Ralph Gish,
our science editor.

Hi. We've never met.
It's my pleasure.

Same here.

Why is Science coming
to the White House?

It's about the Vice President.

Come on in.

Uh...

Are you familiar with
the NASA Commission

on Space Science
and Research?

Only to the extent
that I'm aware that it exists.

But I can take your question

to the President's
science advisor.

No, this is not
a science question.

Is the White House
concealing a report

from the Commission

containing two different
pieces of evidence

of water molecules
on Mars?

Is there a report
that's not being released,

a report from
the NASA Commission

on Space Science
and Research

saying fossilized
water molecules

were found on a meteorite--

I won't tell you when
this thing blew off
the surface of Mars--

but, that this report...

Come here.

I called you back
for a single in
front of everybody.

That costs me.

Your question is:
"Is there life on Mars?"

And "Is the White House hiding
that there's life on Mars?"

And what the hell does
this have to do with
the Vice President?!

The Vice President heads
the NASA Commission.
Katerina--

The source says
the Vice President
told them personally.

That's absurd!
I know, but Gish...

You've got to ask Gish
what kind of credible source

goes to the science editor
with a story, instead of--

He doesn't know
who the source is.

The source went to
another reporter
at our paper

and that reporter
went to Gish.

I can't imagine
that it's true.

Is there an existing report
that says anything at all,

and if so, what?

And will it be made public,

and, if not, why?

And, if not,
isn't that illegal?

Um, I don't know.

But I'll find out,
to the first bunch of questions

and, as for "legal"
and "not legal,"

that's a matter
for the Counsel's Office.

Oh, hey, yeah, that's a matter
for the Counsel's Office.

I know the right guy
to speak to down there.

He's going to fix you right up.

( sighs )

( chuckles softly )

Mr. Quincy?
Yeah.

I'm Blair Spoonhour.
I'm staffed with
the Counsel's Office.

You're staffed with
the Counsel's Office?

Yeah.

What are you, 14?
Thank you. No.

I'm 22.

I'm a law student at GW.

What year?

I just finished my first.

Anyway, they share assistants
in the Counsel's Office

but they asked me
to stick around

for your first couple days

to break you in.

Break me in?

You're 22 years old,
and where am I right now?

This is the office
traditionally given

to new lawyers
who are hired.

Uh-huh.

And what is it when
it's not occupied?

The steam pipe trunk
distribution venue.

This White House doesn't like
lawyers very much, do they?

Really, they just hold them
one rung above being
a Republican.

Well, then we've won
the jackpot, haven't we?

Oh, don't tell me

that you're one
of those people who group up

with the parents...
You know what?

Law School,
let's just settle down.

Do I have briefing memos
I have to read?

What did you think
that these were?

I thought that was Xerox paper.

You're Associate White House
Counsel, Mr. Quincy.

We're not going to store
Xerox paper in your office.

Sure. We'd never want to

compromise the aesthetic
integrity

of the steam pipe trunk
distribution venue.

Triage those:
What I should read

( knocking at door )
first, second, third.

Excuse me.

That's a great outfit, Blair.

Mr. Quincy, this
is White House Press
Secretary C.J. Cregg.

Yeah. Thanks.

I don't want you to feel like

you should be helping me
with these boxes,

because there are only
nine of them,

and it's an easy flight
of stairs...

Go to work.

Thank you.
He's a Republican, too.

Yes, he's a Republican, too,
Mr. Quincy is.

Joe.

This is a cool office, Joe.

Ha.

Got a little window
up there near the ceiling

that looks out onto
the, uh... the...

What do you call it? The...

Alley?
Yeah.

And, you know,
if you hang 'em on that pipe

in the corner,
late afternoon,

you get your suits pressed
right in front of you.

You're the welcoming
committee, aren't you?

Hey, no, but that's
a good idea.

Let me show you around.

As a matter of fact, I
should probably stay here

and get started on...
Joe, I outrank you by,
like, 17 rungs,

so follow me, would you?

Sure.

Come on,
it's going to be fun.

But if it's not,
you should pretend

that it is, anyway.
You know why?

'Cause you outrank me by,
like, 17 rungs?

Hey, no, but again, I
like how you're thinking.

So, do you know what I'm going
to get asked about probably

at my first briefing today?

The Department of Agriculture
report

that'll come out this morning

saying that commodity prices
are down six percent this year,

and do I suppose the White House
is going to respond

to the farmers
who are going broke?

And I thought, since
the Republicans tore up
the farm safety net,

you might have a good idea
for what I should say.

How about "food is cheaper,
and that's good"?

You're saying it's
good that farmers

can't sell what they
grow for a living wage?

No, as a matter of fact,
I wasn't.

I was saying that it's good
that you can buy food

for less
than an entire wage.

It's good except, whoa!
Those pesky farmers again.

Don't worry
about it, though,

'cause it's not like there
are that many of them.

No, wait, I misspoke.

Agriculture is this country's
biggest industry.

Aren't you supposed to
be showing me around?

That was the staircase, okay?
What do you want?

It was the Dolly Madison
staircase.

There's the Roosevelt Room.
I've been in there.

Nobody cares.
Okay.

Well, this may sound silly,

but the science editor
from the Washington Post

has a source--
a blind source--

who says the Vice President
personally told him--

the blind source--

that the Vice President
interfered to classify a report

that a NASA commission,
which he heads, has

saying there's life on Mars.

God, why would you think that
would make you sound silly?

Would you find out
who broke the law, please?

Sure.

The farmers are victims
of this Republican Congress.

I don't get a vote
in the U.S. House
of Representatives,

but I do go to
the grocery store.

I know that
food is cheaper,

and I know that when
life expectancy goes up,

that's not victimizing
undertakers.

Well-argued, though

I do hate you and
everything you stand for.

Claudia Jean, you've only
known me for four minutes.

It usually takes people
the better part of an hour

to hate me and
everything I stand for.

I'm the press
secretary, Boo-Boo.

I don't have that
kind of time.

Can I ask you something?
Yeah.

What do I do if I need to speak
to the Vice President?

You speak to the
Vice President, Joe.

You're his lawyer.

and, yeah, even Rex
are all loaded up

for that vacation
you've worked hard for all year.

Rex is the dog?
Yeah.

Is that what you
want to have happen

on the way to
your favorite campsite?

Tell your Congressman
that America's about freedom.

Tell your Congressman
to vote "no" on 235.

That family isn't going to be
able to drive up that hill

if we increase
fuel efficiency standards.

Well, that family isn't
gonna get up the hill

'cause Dad's trying to pull

the kids, the camping gear,
Rex the dog

and what would appear to be
his den up K-2 in a Ford Falcon.

No, actually,
it's the power of the ad.

Say that again.

Actually,
the power of the...

You thought that ad
was powerful?

Yeah. You think it sucks?

Yeah!
If I'm watching that ad...

The ad wasn't
for you.

It wasn't about Dad,
it was about Mom

looking worried
in the front seat.

That was for
soccer moms?
Yes.

That?
Yes.

Soccer moms recognize
a Big 3 hosing

when it walks up
and introduces itself
good as anyone,

and they know it
often begins with

"Tell your Congressman
America's about freedom."

And that mom was worried

'cause Dad's hauling
a yard sale up Kilimanjaro.

And she's thinking,
"Wow, I married an idiot."

She's worried 'cause
the kids are in back.

That's what the ad's about.

You think it's
gonna be effective?

I think it says the President
and a bunch of Hollywood types

want to put your kids
in a small car

so they can save the sky.

How did the Hollywood types
get into this equation?

I don't know, how do they ever?

You think we should run
a counter ad.

We have to.
Saying what?

Oh, I don't know.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

We've been sitting here
for 20 minutes.

I came in to show you the spots
and to tell you

I think we should run
a counter ad.

I don't have an idea for one.

Well, get one.
Have an idea.

Don't come in here with half
a thing and not be able to--

you know, after you've
walked me to the brink

and say, "We've
got to do this,
it's important,

though I have
no earthly idea how."

Like one of those guys
who buys a big new thing

but doesn't really know how
to get the most out of it!

Toby, either get Andy
to marry you or kill yourself.

Yeah.

I'll start putting
together a counter ad.
Thanks.

You want me to turn these lights
down, draw the blinds?

No.

Okay.

( tapping )

( tapping )

( tapping )

Stop it.

( tapping )

Stop it.

( tapping )

Stop it.

( tapping )

You have to stop it.

( sighs )

( tapping )

Stop it.

( tapping )

Stop it.

You are gonna hurt your beak.

( tapping )
Stop it.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm sorry, but this bird
has been sitting here

tapping on the window for...
I'm not kidding,

I don't know how long,
but a long time.

I've lost track 'cause
I'm moving into certain phases

of dementia with this thing.

Well, let me get rid of it.

No, no, no, no, no.

What?
What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna scare him away.
No.

I'm not gonna hurt him.
No, come on,
he's a bird.

He's not bothering
anybody.

In a second, he's gonna
be bothering me, right?

No.

( tapping )
Stop it.

No, because you're
gonna want to go
see Leo right now.

Why?

Carol got a call
in the press office.

"Did the White House press
the Justice Department

to call off their anti-trust
investigation of Casseon?"

No.
No what?

No, we didn't.

You don't want to take
the call to Leo.

Justice didn't call off
the investigation.

They reached a settlement
with Casseon.

The call was from the Post,
and they say they have a
source.

You can work
with C.J.'s office

to run down the source
and see what's going on.

You're saying I can do this?

Excuse me.

Hey. Hang on.
How's it going so far?

Good. Thanks.

I was wondering
if I had a few questions
for Leo McGarry,

do I go straight
to his office

or do you like me
to run it by you first?

At the beginning
I'm gonna ask you to
give me a quick hit

just so you can learn
to keep the crazy stuff

out of his office.

( tapping )
Stop it.
Stop it.

Why, what do you got?

A reporter looking
into the White House

suppressing a NASA Commission.

This is two in one day.

I just got
"Did the White House

interfere with
Casseon anti-trust?"

Yeah,

you can go ahead and work
with C.J.'s office... and sure.

Thanks.

Wait.

What did they say
we got in exchange

for calling off the D.O.J.?

100,000 computers
in classrooms.

They said that?
You weren't just making a joke?
No.

They said that to...

Carol said the reporter
said that?

Yeah.

Well, now we go see Leo.

So you're
our new sawbones.

A sawbones
is a doctor.
Is it?

Yeah.
Lawyer's a shyster.

I got him to say it.

I don't...
Josh is a lawyer.

Well, yeah,
I mean, he went to
law school, but...

You don't practice law
is all I was saying.

I don't practice law?

I help write the laws,
I write the laws,

I make the laws,
I am the law.

We're having a problem with
a bird outside our office,

are you having
that problem?

Oh, better than that.

I think I may have
a family of bats.

Margaret, this
is Joe Quincy.

Yes, Joe.

The girls in
the Political Affairs office

saw you before and
asked me to tell you

that they wouldn't have
covered your parking spot
with mayonnaise

if they'd known
you were a biscuit.

Okay.

Well, tell them,
you know, no problem.

Leo...

What do you
need? Quickly.

Set a record, right
now. Make the news.

You mind if I go first?

Okay, Donna just got a
question from the Post...

I'm sorry,
by the way,

have you met...
Yeah, I met him. What?

Alright,
you go first.

Yeah, Mr. McGarry,
the Press Secretary
came to me

with a question
from the Post's
science editor,

who has a source
claiming that a NASA
study was classified

at the urging of
the White House.

What do they think it said?

That... sir,
I'm, you know...

they claim it said that
a meteorite from Mars...

( clears throat ):
from Mars was discovered
in Antarctica

about 30 years ago and
that we found fossilized
carbonate molecules.

That we know
there's life on Mars,

that's what they're
saying we're suppressing.

The Defense Department
classified

the NASA Commission report.

I'm sorry?
That report was classified
by the Department of Defense.

The report exists.

Well, I can't
tell you that, Joe,
it was classified.

But I can tell you
it was classified

by the Defense Department.

What about you?

Did we get the Justice
Department to call off

it's anti-trust investigation
with Casseon.

They didn't call it off,
they settled.

I know, but ask Donna
what they bribed us with.

Tell him what the Post
said we got in exchange

for calling off Justice.

100,000 computers
in classrooms.

What?

That was part of
the settlement--
100,000 computers.

There's a leak.

This, the Mars, people...

don't even get me
started on that,

'cause the stuff I think
you still won't tell me.

Who knew about the terms
with Casseon outside us...

and now them?

The President,
me and you, Counsel,

Counsel at Treasury
and Commerce.

Two, three guys at NEC.
Hackley, Little, May...

The Vice President.
Yeah.

The Assistant Attorney
General for anti-trust.

Did we say the...
Excuse me.

Are you saying
the Vice President

knew the terms
of the Casseon settlement?

Sure.
Fix this, would
you please?

There's a story out there
we're obstructing justice

and another one we're like
in a Ray Bradbury yarn.

These things
make me crazy.
Yes, sir.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you.

It's going to be something--
all it needs to be is,

it's got to be something
pointing toward....

I'm sorry.
Cassie, you have the turkey?
Yeah.

A soccer mom. No.

Fade in on an SUV

stuck in the mud.

The soccer mom behind the wheel

is switching from
reverse to drive,

her wheels spinning in place,

and behind her, we see
she's pulling-- wait for it--

A Saudi oil rig.

A Saudi oil rig,
that's exactly right.

She's trying to pull
a Saudi oil rig.

We're in mind meld right now,
Lauren number two and I.

I'm number three.

How are people gonna know
it's a Saudi oil rig?

How are people gonna know
it's a Saudi oil rig?

Well, that's a good point.

Yeah, you know, you had
the number two ranking

among the Laurens,
but you lost it.

She's number one 'cause
she got the food,

then I expect the two of you
to compete for the two spot.

Will?
What you got,
Lauren Shelby?

What if instead of hauling
a Saudi oil rig,

she's hauling actual Saudis?

Hauling Saudis?

Like a U-Haul full of Saudis?

Maybe the oil rig
could have Arabic
writing on it.

Is this coming awfully
close to a 15-second spot
the Klan might produce?

I was about to say.
You had the chicken?

Thank you. I'm starving.
You know what
we should do?

We should use the same family.

Hey, yes, it's the same family.

We get the same actors,
driving an SUV this time,

but they have to stop
every three miles for gas.

I like it. Who else?

How's that joke gonna
play in 15 seconds?

How's it gonna play
in 15 seconds?

Alright, give your food back.

Will?
We're not hauling Saudis.

You understand I'm not saying

the soccer mom's dragging them
up the hill,

They'd be super comfortable.

Stop talking.

Okay.

CHARLIE:
Helen Baldwin is gonna
write a book.

She's retained an agent,

who sent around
a two-page outline,

and there's a bidding war.

Random House has bought it
for low seven figures

according to Stu Winkle.

Could that possibly
be his real name?

"Baldwin, long a fixture
in D.C. and Manhattan society,

"whether for her work
on charity boards

"or her position on the arm
of some of Wall Street,

"Washington and Hollywood's
most eligible men,

as well as hosting some
of the Beltway's favorite..."

What the hell kind
of sentence is this?

( sighs )

This is 73-year-old lady
who works in the Residence,

cleaning and winding
all the clocks.

She won't retire.

She inherited it
from her mother

who inherited it
from her mother.

She earns $22,000 a year.

She's trusted to walk
in and out of rooms

where there's personal
correspondence,

where she can hear if the
President and First Lady
are having a fight,

where she can see people
come for secret meetings,

and she's been doing this

for five decades worth
of Presidents.

Her name is Mrs. Wheely,

and I said, "Mrs. Wheely,
you should really write a book,"

and she said, "No, no, no,
we don't do that."

22,000 a year.

You said I wouldn't
even know you were here.

Just so you know,
I can tell that you are.

Are you eating a salad?

Yeah.
Why?

'Cause I am.

I don't think I've ever
seen you eat a salad.

What kind of salad is it?

I don't know.

Just mixed greens?

I don't know what
kind of salad it is.

I'm eating a salad, okay?

I'm doing it. Do I have
to know the names?

There's no difference
between them.

It's a bowl of weeds.

Some of them have cheese.

This isn't the
kind with cheese.

Does that answer
your question?

How many years
have you guys been--

"Toby, you eat like a teenager."

"Toby, that's red meat."

"That's your second cigar."

Here I am eating a salad,
which by the way,

you can cover this thing
in barbecue sauce

and it would still taste
like the ground,

and I'm getting heckled
from the gallery,

who wanted to come in here
to eat his roast beef sandwich

with ketchup on a kaiser roll

and watch the damn tennis
on my TV!

That's all I'm saying.

Man, Toby, you're really
doing everything

you can do to get
that woman to marry you?

Yes, I'm doing
everything I can. What?

Excuse me, I'm Joe Quincy.

They told you I was coming by?

Yeah. You are the new sawbones.

Donna Moss already
got me to say it.

( snaps fingers )
Damn it.

This is Charlie Young.

Sure.

How you doin'?

Your office had
requested comments

on your draft statement
about a decision

from the Fourth Circuit
Court of Appeals.

Yeah. If Counsel's fine,

you just have C.J. Cregg's
office put it out.

Yeah, I saw it
was headed there,

the language is incendiary,
and I wasn't sure if you knew

that you can't beat up
on the Appeals Courts

and then expect the Supreme
Court to hear the case.

Did I beat up on them in the
notes for the press comments?

Yes.
What did I say?

You said in this case

that the Fourth Circuit
lacked judicial imagination

God gave pistachio nuts.

( laughs )

They did!

Perhaps.

Joe, did you think I was going
to have the Press Secretary,

on behalf of the President,

compare a Federal judge
to a pistachio nut?

The language gets cleaned up
on C.J.'s desk.

That makes sense.

Toby is distracted by a woman.

And salads.

You know when you do ten minutes

on Helen Baldwin getting
a book deal, it's righteous,

but I speak my mind after
getting poked with a stick

and it's 'cause of Andy!

Helen Baldwin has a book deal?

Yeah.

Where did you find that out?

I'm glad you asked,

'cause it gives me the
opportunity to say Stu Winkle.

I got it from Stu Winkle, the
Post's man in the thick of it.

He's their
gossip guy?
Yeah.

Is he new there?
Yeah.

Okay.

The northwest lobby is...
is that way?

Yeah.

You just go that way and then,
you know, ask somebody else.

Thanks. Sorry
for jumping the gun

on the Fourth
Circuit.
Joe?

What's going on?

I'm sure it's nothing,
and this is just my first day.

Two press inquiries,
they came to my attention

that sounded... alike is all.

Can I get back to you?

Make sure you do.

Josh thinks you should
advance the numbers

on sales of first homes
to the Journal.

He says the Times got
sales of existing homes.

You know what happens
with negotiated press leaks?

Two thirds of the press
gives us lousy coverage

'cause they're tweaked
they didn't get the leak,

and the other third...
( tapping )

...doesn't give us better
coverage 'cause they...
( tapping )

What was that?
I don't believe it.

( tapping )
Josh has this guy
at his window, too.

They think they see
their reflection
in the window,

and they think
it's another bird.
( tapping )

What's the learning curve
on a bird?

( tapping )

Stop it.

( knocking )

Excuse me.

Sorry, we thought
for a second,

you were a huge bird
knocking on the door.

Is something going on
with birds?

Well, one of them is
obsessed with Donna.

It's true, I'm like
Tippi Hedren around here.

I'm sorry, would you mind if...

No.

Can I close the door?

Donna just did.

You said the science editor,

when he came to you
with the question

about the NASA Commission...

I wouldn't worry
too much about Mars.

I gave it to you
to give you a hard time.
No kidding.

By the way, there was a report,

but it was classified
by the Defense Department.

And we'll leave how much,
I didn't want to know about that

for another time.
What's the problem?

You said the science editor had
a blind source, that it came

from someone else at the paper,
and I... I think

I know who it was.
Who?

A guy named Stu Winkle
who has a new gossip column.

get a hold of a story
How wouabout the Pentagon?st

I'd rather not say yet.
Why?

'Cause if I'm wrong,
it'll be inappropriate

that I suggested it,
and I'll be held in contempt.

You are wrong.

No, I'm not.

Stu Winkles don't get tips

about the White House
illegally suppressing reports.

The NASA report's over.

I'm not concerned with that.

Would you mind calling him right
now and leading him to confirm

that he's
the other reporter?

You want me to
call Stu Winkle?

He has a new column, you're
calling to wish him luck.

I don't usually make personal
calls to gossip columnists.

He's going to be
very flattered.

And you won't tell me why?

No.
Even if I give
you assurances

that I already hold
you in contempt?

Yes.

( sighs )

Carol!

Would you get me Stu Winkle
at the Washington Post.

I'm sorry?

Stu Winkle at the Post.

Winkle?
Yes.

Okay, when you get him on the
phone, here's what you say...

I know what to say.

( sighs )

( chuckles )

Judicial imagination
of pistachio nuts.

Can't say that to
the Fourth Circuit.

No.

( door opens )

C.J., you have Stu Winkle
on one.

Stu, this is C.J. Cregg
at the White House.

Stu?

Oh, my God, it's really you,
isn't it?

It is, and I saw you
have a new column

and I think
it's terrific

and everyone here at the White
House wishes you a lot of luck.

You are the classiest thing
for calling me.

Well...

You are the classiest thing.

You're my hero, C.J.

Your brilliance and your sense
of humor and your clothes.

Thank you.

The evening gowns,
who makes them for you?

Do not tell me you buy
off the rack, I'll kill you.

Well, I'm a girl on a budget.

Oh, don't try that on me.
No, really.

( clears throat )

Oh, yeah, like the party
at the Japanese Embassy,

you were wearing
a dress from Saks.

Stu, I wanted to get you
a direct answer

to that NASA Commission
question

that Ralph Gish and Katie
brought me this morning.

It was the Defense Department

and not the White House
who classified the report.

Stu?

Uh, well, that makes
perfect sense.

I hope, I hope you don't mind,
it sounded crazy enough,

but what do I know? So, you
got to run these things down.

You know, I know you have all
the free time in the world,

but it would be great
if we could get together

for a quick coffee one day,
and I'll tell you why.

You may find it hard to believe,
but before I got

into this lighter stuff,
I was a serious journalist.

I don't mean boring/serious,
but, you know...

( Stu continues talking )

( Stu still talking )

( Stu chuckling )

And then after that,
I spent two years

getting people to call me
at Town and Country

before I realized
I was better off getting...

So, I freelanced my butt off.

( Stu continues rambling )

I felt good about myself,
but you know what?

That stuff pays the
same amount per word

as if I sat down with Angela
Moviestar for an hour...

Somebody else gets the Pulitzer
Prize-winning investigation...

I need to maximize
the amount I make per hour.

But now that I've been doing
this for, like, geez, gosh,

what, ten years already,
I'm doing what...

at the Post...

Stu, thank you very much.

I'm sorry, I have to go.

Well, I cannot tell you
how class...

Carol?

Yeah.

I need to see Josh and Toby,

and Joe needs to see
the Vice President.

Okay.

on legal
and regulatory reforms.

We've got the whole

regulatory agenda left over
from last time.

We do.

Seriously, the whole
agenda is left over.

And Vice President Abou El-Azm
wants the trade

and investment framework.

Yeah, well, my point is,
we can get to that

in a closed-door session,

and you understand
it can't appear

as if I'm saying
the Syrian question

is less urgent.

Yes, sir.

Well, it's been a long day.

We're done.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you,
Mr. Vice President.

Thank you,
Mr. Vice President.

Guys?

Do me a favor.

Don't go home yet.

Wait for me a minute, okay?

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

( sighs )

( door opening )

Good evening,
Mr. Vice President.

Good evening.

You brought friendly faces.

Sir?

You brought friendly faces.

That was considerate.

You're Joe Quincy?

Yes, sir.
This is your first day?

Yes, sir.

Well, they're going

to put your picture up
someplace.

You're going to get honored
at a luncheon.

We were just meeting
in here.

I have a bilateral
commission

with the Vice President
of Egypt.

It's in Cairo this year.

We see how legal and financial
systems can attract

foreign investments,
so look out

for ShopEgypt.org, I suppose.

And you're going to tell me
I'm not going to Cairo.

Mr. Vice President,
have you been

having an affair
with Helen Baldwin

while here at
the White House?

He's asking because...

I should hit you in the face.

He's asking because...

I know why he's asking.

I know why he's asking.

I understand why you're here.

I've spoken with C.J.

Yes.

( sighs )

And I like to show off. I...

said things.

I said I'd seen proof
of life on Mars.

I said I'd

intervened
at the Justice Department

to put a 100,000 computers
into classrooms,

which I thought made me sound
like a good guy.

( sighs )

What, did you hear a rumor once?

Yes, sir.

And you saw Helen had
a book deal,

and you knew she must have
teased them with something.

It's a tell-all.

A couple of items
in the gossip columns.

Maybe the gossip guy was
the science editor's contact?

Yes, sir.

Whew. Well, you earned
your money today.

This could have been bad,

but you found it early.

What do I do now?

Sir, I'm an
Associate Counsel,

and this is my first day.

I've spoken to Oliver Babish,

who's gotten
on a plane...

What do I do now?

I think you've got to talk
to your family now, sir.

Thanks.

Thank you,
Mr. Vice President.

Thank you,
Mr. Vice President.

Thank you, sir.

I hope I didn't see
you smile in there.

You didn't.
Josh?

Yeah?
You didn't.

LAUREN SHELBY:
Gas Masks.

WILL:
Yes.

Something with
gas masks.

Sing to me,
Lauren Romano.

I'm Lauren Romano.

Keep going with the gas masks.

Mothers barely
able to even see
their children

through the haze
of gas masks.

Wow, you rode it right off
the rails there, didn't you?

I did.

Anyone else think it's weird
that Toby had a salad?

Anyone else
think it's weird

that it was
nine hours ago,

and Lauren Romano's
still talking about it?

I'm Lauren Romano.

Clear blue sky.

The camera tilts down
into a slowly thickening haze...

Listen to this.

Clear blue sky.

The camera tilts down
into a slowly thickening haze

until it levels
on a suburban street.

An SUV filled with mom,
dad and the kids--

the same actors
from the other ad, and Rex--

they get out,
and they're wearing gas masks.

We've also got one

where the family's
towing Saudis in a U-Haul.

( sighs )

Doesn't really have the feel
of high-minded debate, does it?

No, but actually,
you don't want it to.

Why not?

'Cause we're countering
an attack ad,

and when you're in the trenches
on one of these things,

and they're throwing...

But we're not in the trenches.

( laughs )

Two bodies of government are
debating fuel efficiency

at the highest level.

We're not in the trenches.

( sighs )

I don't know.

I know, it's a 15-second spot.

We got to scare them.

I just don't feel
like doing that tonight.

( sighs )

Will, you need to come with me.

I need to tell you
what's about to happen.

You've talked
to Suzanne?

I'm sorry, sir?

You've talked
to Suzanne?

Yeah.

What happened?

You know what happened.
Tell me again.

How many times?
When did it start?

I don't think it matters.

I'll tell you what,
Mr. Vice President.

For this moment,
tonight,

I'm going to be in charge
of deciding what matters.

47 phone calls?

Did you not know

that the White House keeps
records of phone calls?

Did you not know that?

How many times?

When did it start?

It is none of your business.

I'm about to read
about it in a book!

Then read about it!

Didn't it ever occur to you

that she might do this?

No.

I didn't think she would.

You were wrong.

Do you think
there's anyone else behind this?

I don't know.

Do you think
she may have

been coached by
Republican Leadership?

I don't know.

John, if we're going
to weather this,

then we're going
to have to...

We're not going
to weather this.

We will.
We won't.

I'm resigning.

If we're going to do this,
we've got to start tonight, now,

and I need you thinking now,
and not giving up...

Yes, sir, I'm resigning
the Vice Presidency.

What about
"It's none of your business?"

I leaked classified information.

It is their business.

It's also a felony.

Are you in a position
to deny it?

No.

She's made a seven-figure
book deal.

She's not going
to have a lot of credibility.

Well, since when
does she need credibility?

Apologize and move on.

Accept responsibility.

You don't need
to disclose details.

She's going to take care
of that for you.

You're going
to be the dinner special

for two months, and then
you've got two and a half years

to get the nomination.

I'm not getting the nomination.

In the middle of MS,
it looked like

we were never going
to recover, and we did.

Which is why it's never
going to happen again.

John...
That was it.

That was the one you get.

Well, I'm sorry,
Mr. Vice President,

if my multiple sclerosis was
a bummer for your sex life.

How the hell did you do this
to us?!

( sighs )

You can't resign, John.

It's a terrible signal to send.

Sir,

if I stay,
it sabotages an entire agenda,

and you know I'm right,

and the party's
going

to need a candidate
who can win.

And I think the least I can do
for Suzanne is not

to drag her through it so much.

Is there more?
Is there another shoe,

'cause if it's a series of...

I'd imagine
she's going to describe...

You're still going
to get dragged through it, sir.

It's not going
to change anything.

Only now, you're going
to be out there alone

with no mechanism
or apparatus for a comeback.

Leo...
Which I'm telling you
you can do.

You can make it.

I can help you.

I don't want to take
my family through it.

You're a giant, John.

You're a U.S. Senator,

the Vice President
of the United States,

and presumptive
nominee of your party.

You cannot be taken down
by this... cheap person

and her customers
huddled around Macy's window

waiting for someone
to turn themselves inside out.

It's cause for divorce...
not resignation.

You can't be taken down
by this cheap person.

The President knows I'm right.

So do you.

The truth is,

I took an oath, too...

so...

Didn't you have any sense

that this was the kind of person
who would do this?

Hasn't it been your experience

that they look pretty much
like the people who wouldn't?

Well, I want you

to sleep on it.

I want all of us
to sleep on it.

Thank you, Mr. President.

( rolling thunder )

Why did you take a cab?

( quietly ):
My car wouldn't start.

I'm sorry.

My car wouldn't start.

You know
what's in here?

It's okay.

Okay.

Yeah, we're going to need
a new Vice President.