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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,344 --> 00:00:05,211 J.D.: After six weeks home with her baby, Carla was facing the decision 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:07,714 that all new moms have to face, 3 00:00:07,783 --> 00:00:09,216 whether she should go back to work. 4 00:00:09,284 --> 00:00:13,345 Okay, so if we take my salary and subtract the cost 5 00:00:13,422 --> 00:00:16,619 of a full-time nanny, plus her health insurance, 6 00:00:16,692 --> 00:00:19,820 we would still end up with 7 00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:22,295 losing $5 a month? 8 00:00:22,364 --> 00:00:25,697 This is completely your decision. I don't care one way or the other. 9 00:00:25,768 --> 00:00:28,669 Maybe I'll try staying home with Izzy for a year. 10 00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,763 Yes! Yes! 11 00:00:32,107 --> 00:00:35,508 Yes, yes, yes, yes! 12 00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:38,512 As for me, ever since my pregnant girlfriend left, 13 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,980 I've been a little clingy with my roommate. 14 00:00:41,049 --> 00:00:42,482 J.D., I'm gonna get a drink from the water fountain. 15 00:00:42,551 --> 00:00:44,143 You wanna come? 16 00:00:44,219 --> 00:00:46,585 Please, Elliot, I'm not that desperate. 17 00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:50,853 Although I am a little parched. Plus I could hold back her hair. 18 00:00:53,796 --> 00:00:55,388 Are you okay, ma'am? 19 00:00:55,464 --> 00:00:58,661 Ow many fingers do you see? 20 00:00:58,734 --> 00:01:01,225 Call 911 Emergency 21 00:01:02,171 --> 00:01:04,162 Why are you singing? 22 00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:07,731 Wait, why am I singing? 23 00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:10,802 Is there someone here with you? 24 00:01:10,879 --> 00:01:14,337 Someone that we could talk to? 25 00:01:14,416 --> 00:01:16,441 - Are you okay? - Are you okay? 26 00:01:16,518 --> 00:01:18,145 - Are you all right? - Are you all right? 27 00:01:18,220 --> 00:01:19,744 - Are you okay? - Are you okay? 28 00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:21,551 - Are you all right? - Are you all right? 29 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,284 - Are you okay? - Are you okay? 30 00:01:23,358 --> 00:01:24,916 - Are you all right? - Are you all right? 31 00:01:24,993 --> 00:01:28,053 The mind's a freaky thing, Elliot. Maybe she does hear singing. 32 00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:30,155 Yeah, well, I haven't sung since the sixth-grade talent show 33 00:01:30,232 --> 00:01:32,598 when I did Pat Benatar's ell is For Children, 34 00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:34,795 and then afterwards Mr. Shemin, the emcee, said, 35 00:01:34,870 --> 00:01:37,668 "No, actually, hell is for everyone who just had to hear you sing that song." 36 00:01:37,739 --> 00:01:39,900 My mom was so mad, she slept with him and ruined his marriage. 37 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,000 Well, let's see how she's doing. 38 00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:52,682 Ello, I'm Dr. Kelso I'm delighted that you came 39 00:01:52,754 --> 00:01:55,882 So the doctors say you fainted And you don't know what's to blame 40 00:01:55,958 --> 00:01:59,052 Well, put your mind at ease There's no ill we can't outsmart 41 00:01:59,127 --> 00:02:01,425 On behalf of all who work here 42 00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:06,434 - Welcome to Sacred Heart! - Welcome to Sacred Heart! 43 00:02:07,069 --> 00:02:10,664 Our facilities are excellent You couldn't ask for more 44 00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:13,970 As long as you avoid the bathrooms On the second floor 45 00:02:14,042 --> 00:02:17,011 This is Dr. Cox I'll be giving him your chart 46 00:02:17,079 --> 00:02:21,243 And that's Dr. Kelso The kiss-ass of Sacred Heart 47 00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,685 You say you burned Your hand real bad 48 00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,984 We'll fix you up with gauze 49 00:02:28,056 --> 00:02:30,650 Perhaps you need your fat sucked out 50 00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:34,024 - Or want a smaller schnoz - Hey! 51 00:02:34,096 --> 00:02:39,124 You've caught an S. T.D. From some tasty little tart? 52 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:44,639 ALL: We swear we won't judge you here at Sacred, here at Sacred 53 00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:51,576 Here at Sacred Heart! 54 00:03:07,596 --> 00:03:11,794 One more thing that I should mention If what I've heard is true 55 00:03:11,867 --> 00:03:16,065 And everyone appears To be singing to you 56 00:03:18,874 --> 00:03:22,002 Your case is very serious And we'd better start 57 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:28,846 ALL: 'Cause if you think we're singing You belong at Sacred Heart! 58 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:32,546 Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead guys! 59 00:03:32,621 --> 00:03:37,718 Welcome to Sacred Heart 60 00:04:09,057 --> 00:04:12,151 So, Mrs. Miller passed both the audiological and neurological exams. 61 00:04:12,227 --> 00:04:14,991 We cannot find anything that explains why she's hearing music. 62 00:04:15,063 --> 00:04:17,395 No? How about this for an explanation? 63 00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,559 She's cuckoo-pants. 64 00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:22,468 Run some more tests and turf her to psych. 65 00:04:25,907 --> 00:04:30,139 Hey, Mrs. Miller We just need a stool sample 66 00:04:30,212 --> 00:04:34,842 Why do you need a stool sample If you think I'm just a nut? 67 00:04:34,916 --> 00:04:39,285 BOT: 'Cause the answer's not in your head, my dear, it's in your butt 68 00:04:39,354 --> 00:04:40,378 (BELL RINGS) 69 00:04:40,455 --> 00:04:42,218 You see 70 00:04:42,290 --> 00:04:44,952 Everything comes down to poo 71 00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:48,224 From the top of your head To the sole of your shoe 72 00:04:48,296 --> 00:04:51,356 We can figure out What's wrong with you by 73 00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:53,993 Looking at your poo Turk? 74 00:04:54,069 --> 00:04:59,598 Do you have a hemorrhoid Or is it rectal cancer? 75 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:04,942 When you flush your dookie down You flush away the answer 76 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:10,508 It doesn't really matter If it's hard or if it's loose 77 00:05:10,585 --> 00:05:15,488 We'll figure out what's ailing you As long as it's a deuce 78 00:05:15,557 --> 00:05:16,581 Yes! 79 00:05:16,658 --> 00:05:19,252 - Everything comes down to poo - Everything comes down to poo 80 00:05:19,327 --> 00:05:22,524 Cardiovascular and lymphatic Yes, the nervous system, too 81 00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:25,566 All across the nation We trust in defecation 82 00:05:25,634 --> 00:05:28,603 Everything comes down to poo 83 00:05:28,670 --> 00:05:34,267 If you want to know what's wrong Don't sit and act so cool 84 00:05:34,342 --> 00:05:40,281 Just be a man and eat some bran And drop the kids off at the pool 85 00:05:40,348 --> 00:05:41,940 My stomach hurts! 86 00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:43,484 Check the poo 87 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:44,746 I sprained my ankle! 88 00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:46,310 Check the poo 89 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,650 I was shot! 90 00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,213 Check the poo 91 00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:50,690 A homeless guy threw poo in my eye. 92 00:05:50,759 --> 00:05:52,158 Check the poo 93 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,251 Mine or his? 94 00:05:53,328 --> 00:05:55,762 First him, then you 95 00:05:55,831 --> 00:06:01,394 It may sound gross You may say, "Shush" 96 00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:07,033 But we need to see What comes out of your tush! 97 00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:08,508 Because 98 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:11,944 - Everything comes down to poo - Everything comes down to poo 99 00:06:12,013 --> 00:06:15,073 Whether it's a tumor Or a touch of the flu 100 00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:18,017 Please won't you pinch us off A big fat clue 101 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:21,180 Our number one test Is your number two 102 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,952 ALL: If there's no breeze Light a match please 103 00:06:24,025 --> 00:06:26,721 Everything comes down to 104 00:06:26,795 --> 00:06:28,228 - Doo-doo - Doo-doo 105 00:06:28,296 --> 00:06:29,627 - Doo-doo - Doo-doo 106 00:06:29,698 --> 00:06:32,292 Everything comes down to poo 107 00:06:33,535 --> 00:06:34,934 You can touch her, it's okay. 108 00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,595 Guess what, you guys? 109 00:06:36,671 --> 00:06:40,163 I put an offer on a little house and it just got accepted! 110 00:06:40,242 --> 00:06:43,439 - Congratulations! That's awesome. - I own a house! 111 00:06:43,512 --> 00:06:45,707 Come on, baby. See you! 112 00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:48,147 I'm so excited for us! 113 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,108 Does he think that he's moving in with me? 114 00:06:51,186 --> 00:06:53,086 That would be a "yes." 115 00:06:53,155 --> 00:06:55,453 Excuse me, ex-Nurse Turkleton, 116 00:06:55,524 --> 00:07:00,621 but if you want to hang out around here you're going to need a visitor's badge. 117 00:07:01,596 --> 00:07:07,535 So, Carla, when will you be back? 118 00:07:07,602 --> 00:07:10,696 Not for a year 119 00:07:11,373 --> 00:07:14,365 - A year? - A year? 120 00:07:14,442 --> 00:07:17,639 Not for one long 121 00:07:18,079 --> 00:07:22,573 Long year 122 00:07:27,956 --> 00:07:32,655 We understand you love that kid But this ain't no way to treat us 123 00:07:32,727 --> 00:07:37,164 And I hesitate to say you did What Judas done to Jesus 124 00:07:37,232 --> 00:07:39,530 When you leave us all we'll be upset 125 00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:41,694 Look out, that floor is very wet 126 00:07:41,770 --> 00:07:46,332 ALL: We're going to miss you, Carla We're going to miss you 'round here 127 00:07:46,408 --> 00:07:48,603 - We're going to miss you, Carla - We're going to miss you, Carla 128 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,271 - We're saying this through our tears - We're saying this through our tears 129 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:55,680 How we ever going to get along without you for a long, long year? 130 00:07:55,750 --> 00:08:00,210 Who'll tell me that My new toupee looks sweet? 131 00:08:00,288 --> 00:08:04,884 Who'll treat my gay son's rash And be discreet? 132 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,259 Who'll give me better ways to say "Man meat"? 133 00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:11,765 Thanks, I'm using that! 134 00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:14,063 ALL: We're going to miss you 'round here 135 00:08:14,135 --> 00:08:16,365 We're going to miss you, Carla 136 00:08:16,438 --> 00:08:18,906 We're saying this through our tears 137 00:08:18,974 --> 00:08:23,308 How we ever gonna get along without you for a long, long year? 138 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:27,940 My baby's made the choice To be at home and not at work 139 00:08:28,016 --> 00:08:29,847 So let us all rejoice 140 00:08:29,918 --> 00:08:32,614 'Cause she's the brand-new Mama Turk 141 00:08:32,687 --> 00:08:37,124 He's right, of course, and yet my heart In spite of this feels torn apart 142 00:08:37,192 --> 00:08:39,353 ALL: We're going to miss you, Carla 143 00:08:39,427 --> 00:08:41,520 We're going to miss you 'round here 144 00:08:41,596 --> 00:08:44,121 I need a tissue, Carla 145 00:08:44,199 --> 00:08:46,633 ALL: We're saying this through our tears 146 00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:48,931 How we ever Going to get along without you? 147 00:08:49,004 --> 00:08:51,234 Ow we ever Going to get along without you? 148 00:08:51,306 --> 00:08:54,298 Ow we ever Going to get along without you... 149 00:08:54,376 --> 00:08:55,866 Lunch! 150 00:08:55,944 --> 00:08:59,243 It's going to be a long 151 00:08:59,314 --> 00:09:04,217 Long year 152 00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:12,257 Dr. Cox, I'm not crazy 153 00:09:12,327 --> 00:09:14,761 Am I still singing? 154 00:09:14,829 --> 00:09:17,764 Singing like a bird 155 00:09:17,832 --> 00:09:20,027 Dr. Cox, huge news 156 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:26,563 I pulled some strings and got the parking spot right behind yours 157 00:09:26,641 --> 00:09:29,576 Bumper buddies! 158 00:09:29,644 --> 00:09:33,603 Still, you're not nearly as bad as her 159 00:09:33,682 --> 00:09:37,948 Do you know How much you annoy me? 160 00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:40,078 The answer is, "A lot" 161 00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:42,248 Should I list the reasons why? 162 00:09:42,324 --> 00:09:45,623 Well, I don't see why not 163 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,023 It's your hair, your nose Your chinless face 164 00:09:48,096 --> 00:09:49,256 You always need a hug 165 00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:51,799 Not to mention all the manly Appletinis that you chug 166 00:09:51,866 --> 00:09:54,357 That you think I am your mentor Just continues to perplex 167 00:09:54,436 --> 00:09:56,927 And, oh, my God, stop telling me When you have nerdy sex 168 00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:58,632 Oh, by the way, the last time Kim was in town, 169 00:09:58,707 --> 00:10:01,437 we got some Appletinis and poured them on her good parts! 170 00:10:01,509 --> 00:10:04,171 See now, Newbie, that's the thing You do, that drives me up a tree 171 00:10:04,245 --> 00:10:06,440 'Cause no matter how I rant at you You never let me be 172 00:10:06,514 --> 00:10:07,674 So, I'm stuck With all your daydreaming 173 00:10:07,749 --> 00:10:08,943 Your wish to be my son 174 00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:11,645 It makes me suicidal And I'm not the only one 175 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,086 No, I'm not the only one 176 00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:22,492 It all started with a penny in the door 177 00:10:23,465 --> 00:10:28,459 There was a hatred I had never felt before 178 00:10:30,271 --> 00:10:33,900 So, now I'll make him pay 179 00:10:33,975 --> 00:10:37,604 Each and every day 180 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,807 Until that moussed-haired Little nuisance 181 00:10:40,882 --> 00:10:47,378 Is no more 182 00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:52,158 So, now that is why I call you names Like Carol, Jane, and Sue 183 00:10:52,227 --> 00:10:54,752 Like Moesha, Kim, and Lillian Suzanne and Betty-Lou 184 00:10:54,829 --> 00:10:57,195 See, regardless of the names I pick My feelings are quite clear 185 00:10:57,265 --> 00:11:00,166 You're a pain on every day Of every month of every year 186 00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:02,795 Dr. Cox, you've got to help me 'Cause I really am distressed 187 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:05,271 Can't you find another option? Won't you run another test? 188 00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:07,934 If you want some kind of favor Really any kind of favor 189 00:11:08,009 --> 00:11:10,671 Please just get me peace and quiet from this God-forsaken pest 190 00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:13,646 I think what my bumper buddy is trying to say... 191 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:16,684 Shut your cake-hole, Mary-Beth 192 00:11:16,751 --> 00:11:21,552 Or I swear to God I'll shut it soon 193 00:11:22,190 --> 00:11:26,251 Congratulations We'll schedule your test this afternoon 194 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,995 I know J.D.'s in a bad place, but I'm an adult, 195 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,128 I'm making good money, I just want to live by myself. 196 00:11:36,204 --> 00:11:39,332 - So, just tell him. - Oh, so it's that easy? 197 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,205 Then why don't you just tell Turk that you want to go back to work? 198 00:11:42,277 --> 00:11:45,212 Well, what the hell am I gonna do? 199 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,679 I could tell a bunch of lies 200 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,010 I could buy him his own place 201 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:49,744 I could bring the baby here with me 202 00:11:49,818 --> 00:11:52,412 Or tell him there's no space 203 00:11:52,487 --> 00:11:56,947 - Those are some lame-ass ideas. - We are so screwed. 204 00:12:01,029 --> 00:12:05,159 I'm sure you must be scared Not knowing what this test will bring 205 00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:09,727 It could prove that you are crazy Do you still hear people sing? 206 00:12:10,872 --> 00:12:14,740 It's best to know the truth Of that I have no doubt 207 00:12:14,809 --> 00:12:19,439 But you'll have to face the future When the truth comes out 208 00:12:20,415 --> 00:12:22,781 We are running a test That's a waste of our time 209 00:12:22,851 --> 00:12:24,944 But at least she'll accept That she's medically fine 210 00:12:25,019 --> 00:12:27,385 She'll admit that she's nuts Or I'll have to say snore 211 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:30,720 Just give her the CA T scan And show her the door 212 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:34,955 While we process your results We'll take you back to wait 213 00:12:35,029 --> 00:12:38,726 We've got drugs to calm you down So you don't stress about your fate 214 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,634 BOT: It's best to know the truth Of that we have no doubt 215 00:12:42,704 --> 00:12:46,196 - But you'll have to face the future - You'll have to face the future 216 00:12:46,274 --> 00:12:47,502 When the truth comes out 217 00:12:47,575 --> 00:12:51,534 You're going to miss it, Carla You're going to miss it 'round here 218 00:12:51,613 --> 00:12:53,478 Gonna hurt him badly 219 00:12:53,548 --> 00:12:57,075 But you can't stay away For one whole year 220 00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,676 I know that I'm not crazy 221 00:12:58,753 --> 00:13:00,311 Everything comes down to poo 222 00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,083 I hope that I'm not crazy 223 00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:05,684 When we move I'm going to have My own private loo 224 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,923 How am I supposed to tell him That he's not moving, too? 225 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,362 Oh, my God 226 00:13:10,431 --> 00:13:11,762 e doesn't have a clue! 227 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,061 I'm crazy! 228 00:13:13,134 --> 00:13:16,399 If you'd like to reconsider I'd be glad to do my part 229 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,802 If you want, your job is open 230 00:13:18,873 --> 00:13:24,436 Come on back to Sacred Heart 231 00:13:26,614 --> 00:13:27,945 Look at the temporal lobe. 232 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,506 That could be why she's hearing music. 233 00:13:29,584 --> 00:13:32,883 The biggest aneurysm I've ever seen. The woman's a time bomb. 234 00:13:32,954 --> 00:13:35,149 ALL: Sometimes you're Better off not knowing 235 00:13:35,223 --> 00:13:36,986 But this isn't one of those times 236 00:13:37,058 --> 00:13:40,687 Your world's become a musical And your doctors speak in rhymes 237 00:13:40,762 --> 00:13:44,061 It's best to know the truth Of that we have no doubt 238 00:13:44,132 --> 00:13:46,498 But you'll have to face the future 239 00:13:46,568 --> 00:13:48,559 How can I tell him? 240 00:13:48,636 --> 00:13:50,228 Ow can I tell him? 241 00:13:50,305 --> 00:13:51,966 Ow can I tell her? 242 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,601 ALL: You'll have to face the future When the truth comes out 243 00:13:57,278 --> 00:14:00,736 So, Dr. Cox, is it serious? 244 00:14:05,019 --> 00:14:06,953 (ALL SINGING) 245 00:14:11,125 --> 00:14:15,892 When the truth comes out! 246 00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:21,161 Okay, we have to tell them. 247 00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,227 They're so close, maybe they'll help each other through it. 248 00:14:23,304 --> 00:14:26,102 Oh, come on, Carla, they're guys, they're not going to get all touchy-feely. 249 00:14:28,977 --> 00:14:35,177 Let's face the facts about me and you A love unspecified 250 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:38,879 Though I'm proud to call you Chocolate Bear 251 00:14:38,953 --> 00:14:42,548 The crowd will always talk and stare 252 00:14:42,624 --> 00:14:48,585 I feel exactly those feelings, too And that's why I keep them inside 253 00:14:48,663 --> 00:14:52,622 'Cause this bear Can't bear the world's disdain 254 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,066 And sometimes it's easier to hide 255 00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:59,664 BOT: Than explain our guy love That's all it is 256 00:14:59,741 --> 00:15:02,904 - Guy love, he's mine, I'm his - Guy love, he's mine, I'm his 257 00:15:02,977 --> 00:15:08,108 There's nothing gay about it In our eyes 258 00:15:09,851 --> 00:15:13,014 You ask me 'bout this thing we share 259 00:15:13,087 --> 00:15:17,581 And he tenderly replies 260 00:15:18,226 --> 00:15:19,887 It's guy love 261 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:23,727 - Between two guys - Between two guys 262 00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:28,627 We're closer than The average man and wife 263 00:15:28,703 --> 00:15:31,695 That's why our matching bracelets Say "Turk and J.D." 264 00:15:31,773 --> 00:15:35,334 You know I'll stick by you For the rest of my life 265 00:15:35,410 --> 00:15:39,642 You're the only man Who's ever been inside of me 266 00:15:39,714 --> 00:15:42,239 Whoa, whoa, I just took out his appendix. 267 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:45,548 - There's no need to clarify - Oh, no? 268 00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:49,215 Just let it grow More and more each day 269 00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:52,191 It's like I've married my best friend 270 00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:55,855 - But in a totally manly way - Let's go 271 00:15:55,930 --> 00:15:59,457 It's guy love, don't compromise 272 00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:03,163 The feeling of some other guy 273 00:16:03,237 --> 00:16:08,231 Holding up your heart into the sky 274 00:16:09,610 --> 00:16:13,046 I'll be there to care through all the lows 275 00:16:13,114 --> 00:16:17,016 I'll be there to share the highs 276 00:16:17,085 --> 00:16:18,109 (SQUEALS) 277 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:24,386 - It's guy love between two guys - It's guy love between two guys 278 00:16:25,326 --> 00:16:28,625 And when I say, "I love you, Turk" 279 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:33,633 It's not what it implies 280 00:16:35,336 --> 00:16:37,861 - It's guy love - It's guy love 281 00:16:37,939 --> 00:16:42,569 - Between two - Between two 282 00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:47,708 - Guys - Guys 283 00:16:48,116 --> 00:16:49,413 No hands. 284 00:16:57,959 --> 00:16:59,586 Okay, I'll go first. 285 00:16:59,660 --> 00:17:01,423 J.D., I want to live by myself. 286 00:17:01,496 --> 00:17:05,227 Okay, no problem. Turk, will you relay this? 287 00:17:06,033 --> 00:17:07,762 That means you guys are no longer talking. 288 00:17:07,835 --> 00:17:09,063 J.D.! 289 00:17:09,137 --> 00:17:11,401 Wait a second, what did she mean, she'll go first? 290 00:17:11,472 --> 00:17:15,101 Turk, I want to come back to work. It's who I am. 291 00:17:15,176 --> 00:17:17,167 Well, I always thought family was the most important thing 292 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,940 to Puerto Ricans. 293 00:17:21,482 --> 00:17:24,781 I've had it up to here So let me make it very clear 294 00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:28,049 Because I swear I'll never clue you in again 295 00:17:28,122 --> 00:17:30,886 Every time that you profess I come from Puerto Rico 296 00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:31,947 Yes? 297 00:17:32,026 --> 00:17:35,518 For the last time, Turk, I'm Dominican! 298 00:17:36,964 --> 00:17:40,263 Don't make a big to-do I was simply testing you 299 00:17:40,334 --> 00:17:43,497 Then why'd you tell J.D. Our baby's Blaxican? 300 00:17:43,571 --> 00:17:45,129 Babe, you know I know the truth 301 00:17:45,206 --> 00:17:46,935 Well, I need a little proof 302 00:17:47,008 --> 00:17:50,535 So list all you know about me Or no sex again 303 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,739 - Let's see, your name is Carla - Oh, yes 304 00:17:53,815 --> 00:17:55,373 - You are Latina - Impressive 305 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,908 You're a nurse, your mother's dead And... Wait, I've got it 306 00:17:58,986 --> 00:18:00,647 - Three sisters - Turk! 307 00:18:00,721 --> 00:18:05,818 Two sisters? Well, I'm sure you have A brother who's a huge jerk-off 308 00:18:05,893 --> 00:18:07,292 Tell me, what's my middle name? 309 00:18:07,361 --> 00:18:09,226 Okay, I'm tired of this game 310 00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:12,630 Let's forget it, I give up I guess you win again 311 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,431 But it's not just me who gets mixed up By all this crazy ethnic stuff 312 00:18:16,504 --> 00:18:19,439 Sorry, even I know she's Dominican 313 00:18:19,507 --> 00:18:23,068 Did I grow up in Illinois Or was it Michigan? 314 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:26,204 Ow long before we met Was I in medicine? 315 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,340 Was our wedding song The Beatles or Led Zeppelin? 316 00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:33,208 Am I freakin' Puerto Rican Or Dominican? 317 00:18:33,287 --> 00:18:36,188 The thing is guys remember facts 318 00:18:36,257 --> 00:18:39,818 Like what Derek Jeter hit last year Which was.303 319 00:18:39,894 --> 00:18:43,193 And that is why our brains are maxed 320 00:18:43,264 --> 00:18:47,166 And there's no room for things like Birthdays or ethnicities 321 00:18:47,235 --> 00:18:50,568 Well, thank you for that glimpse Into the workings of the inner man 322 00:18:50,638 --> 00:18:53,106 Let's talk about your job And not the fact that you're 323 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:54,163 Dominican! 324 00:18:54,242 --> 00:18:55,436 You're not staying home from work? 325 00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:57,171 Will that make you happy, Turk? 326 00:18:57,245 --> 00:19:00,578 I'll support you if you choose To earn the Benjamins 327 00:19:00,648 --> 00:19:04,084 Then I'll return to work today Now, you're sure that that's okay? 328 00:19:04,151 --> 00:19:07,279 I say, "S�" Which is "yes" in Dominican 329 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,050 - And Puerto Rican - Turk! 330 00:19:09,123 --> 00:19:11,683 But you're Dominican! 331 00:19:12,126 --> 00:19:17,189 Look, J.D., I don't want to let you down when your life is so crappy. 332 00:19:17,265 --> 00:19:19,995 - Move in with me. - No, Elliot, it's okay. 333 00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:21,967 I was just feeling sorry for myself. 334 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:24,027 Plus, it's about time you lived on your own. 335 00:19:24,105 --> 00:19:26,630 You're closer to 40 than 30. 336 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,834 - J.D., I'm 29. - I'm playing with you. 337 00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:31,538 Listen, we're gonna be fine. You know why? 338 00:19:31,612 --> 00:19:37,812 We'll be friends forever We're going to be friends forever 339 00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:41,844 We will always be true 340 00:19:41,923 --> 00:19:46,087 Friends forever We're going to be friends forever 341 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,994 I'll always be there for you 342 00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:51,861 We're as close as 343 00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:53,901 The vena cava and the aorta 344 00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:55,868 We're best friends just like 345 00:19:55,937 --> 00:19:57,598 Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid 346 00:19:57,672 --> 00:19:59,401 The tibia, the fibula The left and right ventricle 347 00:19:59,473 --> 00:20:01,566 A hypodermic needle And a latex tourniquet 348 00:20:01,642 --> 00:20:03,803 ALL: Diverticulitis and a barium enema 349 00:20:03,878 --> 00:20:05,778 The vena cava and the aorta 350 00:20:05,846 --> 00:20:07,609 Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid 351 00:20:07,682 --> 00:20:09,741 KELS O: The tibia, the fibula The left and right ventricle 352 00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:11,648 ELLIOT: A hypodermic needle And a latex tourniquet 353 00:20:11,719 --> 00:20:13,846 The vena cava and the aorta 354 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,548 ELLIOT: Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid 355 00:20:15,623 --> 00:20:17,614 The tibia, the fibula The left and right ventricle 356 00:20:17,692 --> 00:20:19,523 A hypodermic needle and a... 357 00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:26,890 What's going to happen? What does the future hold? 358 00:20:26,968 --> 00:20:30,301 So many things that I put off 359 00:20:30,371 --> 00:20:35,331 Assuming I'd have time 360 00:20:35,409 --> 00:20:39,072 Assuming I'd grow old 361 00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:42,274 What's going to happen 362 00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:47,185 And will I be alive tomorrow? 363 00:20:47,254 --> 00:20:53,352 What's going to happen to me? 364 00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:58,030 You're going to be okay 365 00:20:58,099 --> 00:21:00,431 - That's what's going to happen - That's what's going to happen 366 00:21:00,501 --> 00:21:07,236 Everything's okay We're right here beside you 367 00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:14,180 We won't let you slip away Plan for tomorrow 368 00:21:14,415 --> 00:21:21,116 'Cause we swear to you You're going to be okay 369 00:21:24,558 --> 00:21:26,788 I'm going to be okay 370 00:21:26,861 --> 00:21:29,329 - That's what's going to happen - That's what's going to happen 371 00:21:29,397 --> 00:21:33,857 - Everything's okay - Everything's okay 372 00:21:33,934 --> 00:21:38,871 We will never leave you Right here we will stay 373 00:21:38,939 --> 00:21:43,069 - Plan for tomorrow - Plan for tomorrow 374 00:21:43,144 --> 00:21:45,806 'Cause we swear to you 375 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:50,817 You're going to be okay 376 00:21:52,787 --> 00:21:54,118 We hope 377 00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:55,177 (SHUSHING) 378 00:22:03,064 --> 00:22:06,591 - Did it work? - You're gonna have to tell us. 379 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,661 (WOMAN CATTERING ON PA) 380 00:22:11,806 --> 00:22:13,637 Thank you. 381 00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:17,405 By the way, who was the best singer? You know, like, in your head? 382 00:22:17,478 --> 00:22:20,970 Don't let the fact that I went to theater camp affect your decision. 383 00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:23,608 J.D.: In musicals, there's always a happy ending. 384 00:22:23,684 --> 00:22:28,178 But in life, sometimes when you get what you want, 385 00:22:28,255 --> 00:22:31,190 you end up missing what you left behind. 386 00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:35,559 Whether it's your roommate... 387 00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:39,294 I'll see you in a little while, okay. 388 00:22:39,366 --> 00:22:41,800 ... or time spent with your child. 389 00:22:44,605 --> 00:22:48,871 Or even the music you used to hear in your head. 390 00:22:49,443 --> 00:22:50,705 (HUMMING) 33129

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