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J.D.: After six weeks home with
her baby, Carla was facing the decision
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00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:07,714
that all new moms have to face,
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00:00:07,783 --> 00:00:09,216
whether she should go back to work.
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00:00:09,284 --> 00:00:13,345
Okay, so if we take my salary
and subtract the cost
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00:00:13,422 --> 00:00:16,619
of a full-time nanny,
plus her health insurance,
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00:00:16,692 --> 00:00:19,820
we would still end up with
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00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:22,295
losing $5 a month?
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00:00:22,364 --> 00:00:25,697
This is completely your decision.
I don't care one way or the other.
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00:00:25,768 --> 00:00:28,669
Maybe I'll try staying home
with Izzy for a year.
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00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,763
Yes! Yes!
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00:00:32,107 --> 00:00:35,508
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
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00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:38,512
As for me, ever since
my pregnant girlfriend left,
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00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,980
I've been a little clingy
with my roommate.
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00:00:41,049 --> 00:00:42,482
J.D., I'm gonna get a drink
from the water fountain.
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00:00:42,551 --> 00:00:44,143
You wanna come?
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00:00:44,219 --> 00:00:46,585
Please, Elliot, I'm not that desperate.
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00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:50,853
Although I am a little parched.
Plus I could hold back her hair.
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00:00:53,796 --> 00:00:55,388
Are you okay, ma'am?
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00:00:55,464 --> 00:00:58,661
Ow many fingers do you see?
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00:00:58,734 --> 00:01:01,225
Call 911 Emergency
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00:01:02,171 --> 00:01:04,162
Why are you singing?
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00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:07,731
Wait, why am I singing?
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00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:10,802
Is there someone here with you?
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00:01:10,879 --> 00:01:14,337
Someone that we could talk to?
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00:01:14,416 --> 00:01:16,441
- Are you okay?
- Are you okay?
26
00:01:16,518 --> 00:01:18,145
- Are you all right?
- Are you all right?
27
00:01:18,220 --> 00:01:19,744
- Are you okay?
- Are you okay?
28
00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:21,551
- Are you all right?
- Are you all right?
29
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,284
- Are you okay?
- Are you okay?
30
00:01:23,358 --> 00:01:24,916
- Are you all right?
- Are you all right?
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00:01:24,993 --> 00:01:28,053
The mind's a freaky thing, Elliot.
Maybe she does hear singing.
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00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:30,155
Yeah, well, I haven't sung
since the sixth-grade talent show
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when I did Pat Benatar's
ell is For Children,
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00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:34,795
and then afterwards Mr. Shemin,
the emcee, said,
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00:01:34,870 --> 00:01:37,668
"No, actually, hell is for everyone who
just had to hear you sing that song."
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00:01:37,739 --> 00:01:39,900
My mom was so mad, she
slept with him and ruined his marriage.
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00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,000
Well, let's see how she's doing.
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00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:52,682
Ello, I'm Dr. Kelso
I'm delighted that you came
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00:01:52,754 --> 00:01:55,882
So the doctors say you fainted
And you don't know what's to blame
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00:01:55,958 --> 00:01:59,052
Well, put your mind at ease
There's no ill we can't outsmart
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00:01:59,127 --> 00:02:01,425
On behalf of all who work here
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00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:06,434
- Welcome to Sacred Heart!
- Welcome to Sacred Heart!
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00:02:07,069 --> 00:02:10,664
Our facilities are excellent
You couldn't ask for more
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00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:13,970
As long as you avoid the bathrooms
On the second floor
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00:02:14,042 --> 00:02:17,011
This is Dr. Cox
I'll be giving him your chart
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00:02:17,079 --> 00:02:21,243
And that's Dr. Kelso
The kiss-ass of Sacred Heart
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00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,685
You say you burned
Your hand real bad
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00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,984
We'll fix you up with gauze
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00:02:28,056 --> 00:02:30,650
Perhaps you need your fat sucked out
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00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:34,024
- Or want a smaller schnoz
- Hey!
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00:02:34,096 --> 00:02:39,124
You've caught an S. T.D.
From some tasty little tart?
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00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:44,639
ALL: We swear we won't judge you
here at Sacred, here at Sacred
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Here at Sacred Heart!
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00:03:07,596 --> 00:03:11,794
One more thing that I should mention
If what I've heard is true
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00:03:11,867 --> 00:03:16,065
And everyone appears
To be singing to you
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00:03:18,874 --> 00:03:22,002
Your case is very serious
And we'd better start
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00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:28,846
ALL: 'Cause if you think we're singing
You belong at Sacred Heart!
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00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:32,546
Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead guys!
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00:03:32,621 --> 00:03:37,718
Welcome to Sacred Heart
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00:04:09,057 --> 00:04:12,151
So, Mrs. Miller passed both the
audiological and neurological exams.
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00:04:12,227 --> 00:04:14,991
We cannot find anything that explains
why she's hearing music.
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00:04:15,063 --> 00:04:17,395
No? How about this for an explanation?
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00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,559
She's cuckoo-pants.
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00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:22,468
Run some more tests
and turf her to psych.
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00:04:25,907 --> 00:04:30,139
Hey, Mrs. Miller
We just need a stool sample
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00:04:30,212 --> 00:04:34,842
Why do you need a stool sample
If you think I'm just a nut?
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00:04:34,916 --> 00:04:39,285
BOT: 'Cause the answer's not in your
head, my dear, it's in your butt
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00:04:39,354 --> 00:04:40,378
(BELL RINGS)
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00:04:40,455 --> 00:04:42,218
You see
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00:04:42,290 --> 00:04:44,952
Everything comes down to poo
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00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:48,224
From the top of your head
To the sole of your shoe
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00:04:48,296 --> 00:04:51,356
We can figure out
What's wrong with you by
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00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:53,993
Looking at your poo
Turk?
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00:04:54,069 --> 00:04:59,598
Do you have a hemorrhoid
Or is it rectal cancer?
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00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:04,942
When you flush your dookie down
You flush away the answer
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00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:10,508
It doesn't really matter
If it's hard or if it's loose
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00:05:10,585 --> 00:05:15,488
We'll figure out what's ailing you
As long as it's a deuce
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00:05:15,557 --> 00:05:16,581
Yes!
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00:05:16,658 --> 00:05:19,252
- Everything comes down to poo
- Everything comes down to poo
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00:05:19,327 --> 00:05:22,524
Cardiovascular and lymphatic
Yes, the nervous system, too
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00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:25,566
All across the nation
We trust in defecation
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00:05:25,634 --> 00:05:28,603
Everything comes down to poo
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00:05:28,670 --> 00:05:34,267
If you want to know what's wrong
Don't sit and act so cool
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00:05:34,342 --> 00:05:40,281
Just be a man and eat some bran
And drop the kids off at the pool
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00:05:40,348 --> 00:05:41,940
My stomach hurts!
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00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:43,484
Check the poo
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00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:44,746
I sprained my ankle!
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00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:46,310
Check the poo
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00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,650
I was shot!
90
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,213
Check the poo
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00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:50,690
A homeless guy threw poo in my eye.
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00:05:50,759 --> 00:05:52,158
Check the poo
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00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,251
Mine or his?
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00:05:53,328 --> 00:05:55,762
First him, then you
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00:05:55,831 --> 00:06:01,394
It may sound gross
You may say, "Shush"
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00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:07,033
But we need to see
What comes out of your tush!
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00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:08,508
Because
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00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:11,944
- Everything comes down to poo
- Everything comes down to poo
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00:06:12,013 --> 00:06:15,073
Whether it's a tumor
Or a touch of the flu
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00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:18,017
Please won't you pinch us off
A big fat clue
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00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:21,180
Our number one test
Is your number two
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00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,952
ALL: If there's no breeze
Light a match please
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00:06:24,025 --> 00:06:26,721
Everything comes down to
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00:06:26,795 --> 00:06:28,228
- Doo-doo
- Doo-doo
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00:06:28,296 --> 00:06:29,627
- Doo-doo
- Doo-doo
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00:06:29,698 --> 00:06:32,292
Everything comes down to poo
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00:06:33,535 --> 00:06:34,934
You can touch her, it's okay.
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00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,595
Guess what, you guys?
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00:06:36,671 --> 00:06:40,163
I put an offer on a little house
and it just got accepted!
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00:06:40,242 --> 00:06:43,439
- Congratulations! That's awesome.
- I own a house!
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00:06:43,512 --> 00:06:45,707
Come on, baby. See you!
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I'm so excited for us!
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00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,108
Does he think
that he's moving in with me?
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00:06:51,186 --> 00:06:53,086
That would be a "yes."
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00:06:53,155 --> 00:06:55,453
Excuse me, ex-Nurse Turkleton,
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00:06:55,524 --> 00:07:00,621
but if you want to hang out around here
you're going to need a visitor's badge.
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00:07:01,596 --> 00:07:07,535
So, Carla, when will you be back?
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Not for a year
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- A year?
- A year?
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00:07:14,442 --> 00:07:17,639
Not for one long
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00:07:18,079 --> 00:07:22,573
Long year
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00:07:27,956 --> 00:07:32,655
We understand you love that kid
But this ain't no way to treat us
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00:07:32,727 --> 00:07:37,164
And I hesitate to say you did
What Judas done to Jesus
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When you leave us all we'll be upset
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00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:41,694
Look out, that floor is very wet
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00:07:41,770 --> 00:07:46,332
ALL: We're going to miss you, Carla
We're going to miss you 'round here
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00:07:46,408 --> 00:07:48,603
- We're going to miss you, Carla
- We're going to miss you, Carla
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00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,271
- We're saying this through our tears
- We're saying this through our tears
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00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:55,680
How we ever going to get along
without you for a long, long year?
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00:07:55,750 --> 00:08:00,210
Who'll tell me that
My new toupee looks sweet?
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00:08:00,288 --> 00:08:04,884
Who'll treat my gay son's rash
And be discreet?
132
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,259
Who'll give me better ways to say
"Man meat"?
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00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:11,765
Thanks, I'm using that!
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00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:14,063
ALL: We're going to
miss you 'round here
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00:08:14,135 --> 00:08:16,365
We're going to miss you, Carla
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00:08:16,438 --> 00:08:18,906
We're saying this through our tears
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00:08:18,974 --> 00:08:23,308
How we ever gonna get along
without you for a long, long year?
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00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:27,940
My baby's made the choice
To be at home and not at work
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00:08:28,016 --> 00:08:29,847
So let us all rejoice
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00:08:29,918 --> 00:08:32,614
'Cause she's the brand-new
Mama Turk
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00:08:32,687 --> 00:08:37,124
He's right, of course, and yet my heart
In spite of this feels torn apart
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00:08:37,192 --> 00:08:39,353
ALL: We're going to miss you, Carla
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00:08:39,427 --> 00:08:41,520
We're going to miss you 'round here
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00:08:41,596 --> 00:08:44,121
I need a tissue, Carla
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00:08:44,199 --> 00:08:46,633
ALL: We're saying this
through our tears
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00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:48,931
How we ever
Going to get along without you?
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00:08:49,004 --> 00:08:51,234
Ow we ever
Going to get along without you?
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00:08:51,306 --> 00:08:54,298
Ow we ever
Going to get along without you...
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00:08:54,376 --> 00:08:55,866
Lunch!
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00:08:55,944 --> 00:08:59,243
It's going to be a long
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00:08:59,314 --> 00:09:04,217
Long year
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00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:12,257
Dr. Cox, I'm not crazy
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00:09:12,327 --> 00:09:14,761
Am I still singing?
154
00:09:14,829 --> 00:09:17,764
Singing like a bird
155
00:09:17,832 --> 00:09:20,027
Dr. Cox, huge news
156
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:26,563
I pulled some strings and got
the parking spot right behind yours
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00:09:26,641 --> 00:09:29,576
Bumper buddies!
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00:09:29,644 --> 00:09:33,603
Still, you're not nearly as bad as her
159
00:09:33,682 --> 00:09:37,948
Do you know
How much you annoy me?
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00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:40,078
The answer is, "A lot"
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00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:42,248
Should I list the reasons why?
162
00:09:42,324 --> 00:09:45,623
Well, I don't see why not
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00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,023
It's your hair, your nose
Your chinless face
164
00:09:48,096 --> 00:09:49,256
You always need a hug
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00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:51,799
Not to mention all the manly
Appletinis that you chug
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00:09:51,866 --> 00:09:54,357
That you think I am your mentor
Just continues to perplex
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00:09:54,436 --> 00:09:56,927
And, oh, my God, stop telling me
When you have nerdy sex
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00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:58,632
Oh, by the way,
the last time Kim was in town,
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00:09:58,707 --> 00:10:01,437
we got some Appletinis
and poured them on her good parts!
170
00:10:01,509 --> 00:10:04,171
See now, Newbie, that's the thing
You do, that drives me up a tree
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00:10:04,245 --> 00:10:06,440
'Cause no matter how I rant at you
You never let me be
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00:10:06,514 --> 00:10:07,674
So, I'm stuck
With all your daydreaming
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00:10:07,749 --> 00:10:08,943
Your wish to be my son
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00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:11,645
It makes me suicidal
And I'm not the only one
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00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,086
No, I'm not the only one
176
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:22,492
It all started with a penny in the door
177
00:10:23,465 --> 00:10:28,459
There was a hatred
I had never felt before
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00:10:30,271 --> 00:10:33,900
So, now I'll make him pay
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00:10:33,975 --> 00:10:37,604
Each and every day
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00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,807
Until that moussed-haired
Little nuisance
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00:10:40,882 --> 00:10:47,378
Is no more
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00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:52,158
So, now that is why I call you names
Like Carol, Jane, and Sue
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00:10:52,227 --> 00:10:54,752
Like Moesha, Kim, and Lillian
Suzanne and Betty-Lou
184
00:10:54,829 --> 00:10:57,195
See, regardless of the names I pick
My feelings are quite clear
185
00:10:57,265 --> 00:11:00,166
You're a pain on every day
Of every month of every year
186
00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:02,795
Dr. Cox, you've got to help me
'Cause I really am distressed
187
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:05,271
Can't you find another option?
Won't you run another test?
188
00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:07,934
If you want some kind of favor
Really any kind of favor
189
00:11:08,009 --> 00:11:10,671
Please just get me peace and quiet
from this God-forsaken pest
190
00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:13,646
I think what my bumper buddy
is trying to say...
191
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:16,684
Shut your cake-hole, Mary-Beth
192
00:11:16,751 --> 00:11:21,552
Or I swear to God I'll shut it soon
193
00:11:22,190 --> 00:11:26,251
Congratulations
We'll schedule your test this afternoon
194
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,995
I know J.D.'s in a bad place,
but I'm an adult,
195
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,128
I'm making good money,
I just want to live by myself.
196
00:11:36,204 --> 00:11:39,332
- So, just tell him.
- Oh, so it's that easy?
197
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,205
Then why don't you just tell Turk
that you want to go back to work?
198
00:11:42,277 --> 00:11:45,212
Well, what the hell am I gonna do?
199
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,679
I could tell a bunch of lies
200
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,010
I could buy him his own place
201
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:49,744
I could bring the baby here with me
202
00:11:49,818 --> 00:11:52,412
Or tell him there's no space
203
00:11:52,487 --> 00:11:56,947
- Those are some lame-ass ideas.
- We are so screwed.
204
00:12:01,029 --> 00:12:05,159
I'm sure you must be scared
Not knowing what this test will bring
205
00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:09,727
It could prove that you are crazy
Do you still hear people sing?
206
00:12:10,872 --> 00:12:14,740
It's best to know the truth
Of that I have no doubt
207
00:12:14,809 --> 00:12:19,439
But you'll have to face the future
When the truth comes out
208
00:12:20,415 --> 00:12:22,781
We are running a test
That's a waste of our time
209
00:12:22,851 --> 00:12:24,944
But at least she'll accept
That she's medically fine
210
00:12:25,019 --> 00:12:27,385
She'll admit that she's nuts
Or I'll have to say snore
211
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:30,720
Just give her the CA T scan
And show her the door
212
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:34,955
While we process your results
We'll take you back to wait
213
00:12:35,029 --> 00:12:38,726
We've got drugs to calm you down
So you don't stress about your fate
214
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,634
BOT: It's best to know the truth
Of that we have no doubt
215
00:12:42,704 --> 00:12:46,196
- But you'll have to face the future
- You'll have to face the future
216
00:12:46,274 --> 00:12:47,502
When the truth comes out
217
00:12:47,575 --> 00:12:51,534
You're going to miss it, Carla
You're going to miss it 'round here
218
00:12:51,613 --> 00:12:53,478
Gonna hurt him badly
219
00:12:53,548 --> 00:12:57,075
But you can't stay away
For one whole year
220
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,676
I know that I'm not crazy
221
00:12:58,753 --> 00:13:00,311
Everything comes down to poo
222
00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,083
I hope that I'm not crazy
223
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:05,684
When we move I'm going to have
My own private loo
224
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,923
How am I supposed to tell him
That he's not moving, too?
225
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,362
Oh, my God
226
00:13:10,431 --> 00:13:11,762
e doesn't have a clue!
227
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,061
I'm crazy!
228
00:13:13,134 --> 00:13:16,399
If you'd like to reconsider
I'd be glad to do my part
229
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,802
If you want, your job is open
230
00:13:18,873 --> 00:13:24,436
Come on back to Sacred Heart
231
00:13:26,614 --> 00:13:27,945
Look at the temporal lobe.
232
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,506
That could be
why she's hearing music.
233
00:13:29,584 --> 00:13:32,883
The biggest aneurysm I've ever seen.
The woman's a time bomb.
234
00:13:32,954 --> 00:13:35,149
ALL: Sometimes you're
Better off not knowing
235
00:13:35,223 --> 00:13:36,986
But this isn't one of those times
236
00:13:37,058 --> 00:13:40,687
Your world's become a musical
And your doctors speak in rhymes
237
00:13:40,762 --> 00:13:44,061
It's best to know the truth
Of that we have no doubt
238
00:13:44,132 --> 00:13:46,498
But you'll have to face the future
239
00:13:46,568 --> 00:13:48,559
How can I tell him?
240
00:13:48,636 --> 00:13:50,228
Ow can I tell him?
241
00:13:50,305 --> 00:13:51,966
Ow can I tell her?
242
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,601
ALL: You'll have to face the future
When the truth comes out
243
00:13:57,278 --> 00:14:00,736
So, Dr. Cox, is it serious?
244
00:14:05,019 --> 00:14:06,953
(ALL SINGING)
245
00:14:11,125 --> 00:14:15,892
When the truth comes out!
246
00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:21,161
Okay, we have to tell them.
247
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,227
They're so close, maybe they'll help
each other through it.
248
00:14:23,304 --> 00:14:26,102
Oh, come on, Carla, they're guys,
they're not going to get all touchy-feely.
249
00:14:28,977 --> 00:14:35,177
Let's face the facts about me and you
A love unspecified
250
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:38,879
Though I'm proud to call you
Chocolate Bear
251
00:14:38,953 --> 00:14:42,548
The crowd will always talk and stare
252
00:14:42,624 --> 00:14:48,585
I feel exactly those feelings, too
And that's why I keep them inside
253
00:14:48,663 --> 00:14:52,622
'Cause this bear
Can't bear the world's disdain
254
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,066
And sometimes it's easier to hide
255
00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:59,664
BOT: Than explain our guy love
That's all it is
256
00:14:59,741 --> 00:15:02,904
- Guy love, he's mine, I'm his
- Guy love, he's mine, I'm his
257
00:15:02,977 --> 00:15:08,108
There's nothing gay about it
In our eyes
258
00:15:09,851 --> 00:15:13,014
You ask me 'bout this thing we share
259
00:15:13,087 --> 00:15:17,581
And he tenderly replies
260
00:15:18,226 --> 00:15:19,887
It's guy love
261
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:23,727
- Between two guys
- Between two guys
262
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:28,627
We're closer than
The average man and wife
263
00:15:28,703 --> 00:15:31,695
That's why our matching bracelets
Say "Turk and J.D."
264
00:15:31,773 --> 00:15:35,334
You know I'll stick by you
For the rest of my life
265
00:15:35,410 --> 00:15:39,642
You're the only man
Who's ever been inside of me
266
00:15:39,714 --> 00:15:42,239
Whoa, whoa,
I just took out his appendix.
267
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:45,548
- There's no need to clarify
- Oh, no?
268
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:49,215
Just let it grow
More and more each day
269
00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:52,191
It's like I've married my best friend
270
00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:55,855
- But in a totally manly way
- Let's go
271
00:15:55,930 --> 00:15:59,457
It's guy love, don't compromise
272
00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:03,163
The feeling of some other guy
273
00:16:03,237 --> 00:16:08,231
Holding up your heart into the sky
274
00:16:09,610 --> 00:16:13,046
I'll be there to care through all the lows
275
00:16:13,114 --> 00:16:17,016
I'll be there to share the highs
276
00:16:17,085 --> 00:16:18,109
(SQUEALS)
277
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:24,386
- It's guy love between two guys
- It's guy love between two guys
278
00:16:25,326 --> 00:16:28,625
And when I say, "I love you, Turk"
279
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:33,633
It's not what it implies
280
00:16:35,336 --> 00:16:37,861
- It's guy love
- It's guy love
281
00:16:37,939 --> 00:16:42,569
- Between two
- Between two
282
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:47,708
- Guys
- Guys
283
00:16:48,116 --> 00:16:49,413
No hands.
284
00:16:57,959 --> 00:16:59,586
Okay, I'll go first.
285
00:16:59,660 --> 00:17:01,423
J.D., I want to live by myself.
286
00:17:01,496 --> 00:17:05,227
Okay, no problem.
Turk, will you relay this?
287
00:17:06,033 --> 00:17:07,762
That means you guys
are no longer talking.
288
00:17:07,835 --> 00:17:09,063
J.D.!
289
00:17:09,137 --> 00:17:11,401
Wait a second,
what did she mean, she'll go first?
290
00:17:11,472 --> 00:17:15,101
Turk, I want to come back to work.
It's who I am.
291
00:17:15,176 --> 00:17:17,167
Well, I always thought family
was the most important thing
292
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,940
to Puerto Ricans.
293
00:17:21,482 --> 00:17:24,781
I've had it up to here
So let me make it very clear
294
00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:28,049
Because I swear
I'll never clue you in again
295
00:17:28,122 --> 00:17:30,886
Every time that you profess
I come from Puerto Rico
296
00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:31,947
Yes?
297
00:17:32,026 --> 00:17:35,518
For the last time, Turk, I'm Dominican!
298
00:17:36,964 --> 00:17:40,263
Don't make a big to-do
I was simply testing you
299
00:17:40,334 --> 00:17:43,497
Then why'd you tell J.D.
Our baby's Blaxican?
300
00:17:43,571 --> 00:17:45,129
Babe, you know I know the truth
301
00:17:45,206 --> 00:17:46,935
Well, I need a little proof
302
00:17:47,008 --> 00:17:50,535
So list all you know about me
Or no sex again
303
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,739
- Let's see, your name is Carla
- Oh, yes
304
00:17:53,815 --> 00:17:55,373
- You are Latina
- Impressive
305
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,908
You're a nurse, your mother's dead
And... Wait, I've got it
306
00:17:58,986 --> 00:18:00,647
- Three sisters
- Turk!
307
00:18:00,721 --> 00:18:05,818
Two sisters? Well, I'm sure you have
A brother who's a huge jerk-off
308
00:18:05,893 --> 00:18:07,292
Tell me, what's my middle name?
309
00:18:07,361 --> 00:18:09,226
Okay, I'm tired of this game
310
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:12,630
Let's forget it, I give up
I guess you win again
311
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,431
But it's not just me who gets mixed up
By all this crazy ethnic stuff
312
00:18:16,504 --> 00:18:19,439
Sorry, even I know she's Dominican
313
00:18:19,507 --> 00:18:23,068
Did I grow up in Illinois
Or was it Michigan?
314
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:26,204
Ow long before we met
Was I in medicine?
315
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,340
Was our wedding song
The Beatles or Led Zeppelin?
316
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:33,208
Am I freakin' Puerto Rican
Or Dominican?
317
00:18:33,287 --> 00:18:36,188
The thing is guys remember facts
318
00:18:36,257 --> 00:18:39,818
Like what Derek Jeter hit last year
Which was.303
319
00:18:39,894 --> 00:18:43,193
And that is why our brains are maxed
320
00:18:43,264 --> 00:18:47,166
And there's no room for things like
Birthdays or ethnicities
321
00:18:47,235 --> 00:18:50,568
Well, thank you for that glimpse
Into the workings of the inner man
322
00:18:50,638 --> 00:18:53,106
Let's talk about your job
And not the fact that you're
323
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:54,163
Dominican!
324
00:18:54,242 --> 00:18:55,436
You're not staying home from work?
325
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:57,171
Will that make you happy, Turk?
326
00:18:57,245 --> 00:19:00,578
I'll support you if you choose
To earn the Benjamins
327
00:19:00,648 --> 00:19:04,084
Then I'll return to work today
Now, you're sure that that's okay?
328
00:19:04,151 --> 00:19:07,279
I say, "S�"
Which is "yes" in Dominican
329
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,050
- And Puerto Rican
- Turk!
330
00:19:09,123 --> 00:19:11,683
But you're Dominican!
331
00:19:12,126 --> 00:19:17,189
Look, J.D., I don't want to let you down
when your life is so crappy.
332
00:19:17,265 --> 00:19:19,995
- Move in with me.
- No, Elliot, it's okay.
333
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:21,967
I was just feeling sorry for myself.
334
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:24,027
Plus, it's about time
you lived on your own.
335
00:19:24,105 --> 00:19:26,630
You're closer to 40 than 30.
336
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,834
- J.D., I'm 29.
- I'm playing with you.
337
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:31,538
Listen, we're gonna be fine.
You know why?
338
00:19:31,612 --> 00:19:37,812
We'll be friends forever
We're going to be friends forever
339
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:41,844
We will always be true
340
00:19:41,923 --> 00:19:46,087
Friends forever
We're going to be friends forever
341
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,994
I'll always be there for you
342
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:51,861
We're as close as
343
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:53,901
The vena cava and the aorta
344
00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:55,868
We're best friends just like
345
00:19:55,937 --> 00:19:57,598
Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid
346
00:19:57,672 --> 00:19:59,401
The tibia, the fibula
The left and right ventricle
347
00:19:59,473 --> 00:20:01,566
A hypodermic needle
And a latex tourniquet
348
00:20:01,642 --> 00:20:03,803
ALL: Diverticulitis and a barium enema
349
00:20:03,878 --> 00:20:05,778
The vena cava and the aorta
350
00:20:05,846 --> 00:20:07,609
Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid
351
00:20:07,682 --> 00:20:09,741
KELS O: The tibia, the fibula
The left and right ventricle
352
00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:11,648
ELLIOT: A hypodermic needle
And a latex tourniquet
353
00:20:11,719 --> 00:20:13,846
The vena cava and the aorta
354
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,548
ELLIOT: Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid
355
00:20:15,623 --> 00:20:17,614
The tibia, the fibula
The left and right ventricle
356
00:20:17,692 --> 00:20:19,523
A hypodermic needle and a...
357
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:26,890
What's going to happen?
What does the future hold?
358
00:20:26,968 --> 00:20:30,301
So many things that I put off
359
00:20:30,371 --> 00:20:35,331
Assuming I'd have time
360
00:20:35,409 --> 00:20:39,072
Assuming I'd grow old
361
00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:42,274
What's going to happen
362
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:47,185
And will I be alive tomorrow?
363
00:20:47,254 --> 00:20:53,352
What's going to happen to me?
364
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:58,030
You're going to be okay
365
00:20:58,099 --> 00:21:00,431
- That's what's going to happen
- That's what's going to happen
366
00:21:00,501 --> 00:21:07,236
Everything's okay
We're right here beside you
367
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:14,180
We won't let you slip away
Plan for tomorrow
368
00:21:14,415 --> 00:21:21,116
'Cause we swear to you
You're going to be okay
369
00:21:24,558 --> 00:21:26,788
I'm going to be okay
370
00:21:26,861 --> 00:21:29,329
- That's what's going to happen
- That's what's going to happen
371
00:21:29,397 --> 00:21:33,857
- Everything's okay
- Everything's okay
372
00:21:33,934 --> 00:21:38,871
We will never leave you
Right here we will stay
373
00:21:38,939 --> 00:21:43,069
- Plan for tomorrow
- Plan for tomorrow
374
00:21:43,144 --> 00:21:45,806
'Cause we swear to you
375
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:50,817
You're going to be okay
376
00:21:52,787 --> 00:21:54,118
We hope
377
00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:55,177
(SHUSHING)
378
00:22:03,064 --> 00:22:06,591
- Did it work?
- You're gonna have to tell us.
379
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,661
(WOMAN CATTERING ON PA)
380
00:22:11,806 --> 00:22:13,637
Thank you.
381
00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:17,405
By the way, who was the best singer?
You know, like, in your head?
382
00:22:17,478 --> 00:22:20,970
Don't let the fact that I went
to theater camp affect your decision.
383
00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:23,608
J.D.: In musicals,
there's always a happy ending.
384
00:22:23,684 --> 00:22:28,178
But in life, sometimes
when you get what you want,
385
00:22:28,255 --> 00:22:31,190
you end up missing
what you left behind.
386
00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:35,559
Whether it's your roommate...
387
00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:39,294
I'll see you in a little while, okay.
388
00:22:39,366 --> 00:22:41,800
... or time spent with your child.
389
00:22:44,605 --> 00:22:48,871
Or even the music
you used to hear in your head.
390
00:22:49,443 --> 00:22:50,705
(HUMMING)
33129
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