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1
00:00:02,984 --> 00:00:06,977
You're a fatty fatty fatty...
2
00:00:06,891 --> 00:00:08,722
What's your son doing?
3
00:00:08,793 --> 00:00:10,988
Apparently, he's doing
the "fatty" dance.
4
00:00:11,062 --> 00:00:12,256
Inappropriate?
5
00:00:12,330 --> 00:00:16,061
Well, maybe, but I'm raising my son
to be a straight shooter.
6
00:00:16,134 --> 00:00:19,626
- That's his mom right over there.
- Oh, thanks for including me.
7
00:00:19,704 --> 00:00:22,867
J.D.: Dr. Cox and Jordan weren't
the only ones with kid troubles.
8
00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:25,101
My brand-new girlfriend was pregnant,
9
00:00:25,176 --> 00:00:27,201
and we were trying to
decide what to do.
10
00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,610
- Should we keep it or get rid of it?
- I don't know.
11
00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:32,673
If we keep it,
it'll just end up in the dumpster.
12
00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:35,116
Okay, enough pizza talk.
I mean, we're clearly stalling here.
13
00:00:35,186 --> 00:00:39,520
- You're right.
- So let's go. Do you like kids?
14
00:00:39,590 --> 00:00:42,923
Of course I do. What about you?
Any nieces or nephews?
15
00:00:42,994 --> 00:00:45,189
Yeah, I have a nephew,
although he's 45.
16
00:00:45,263 --> 00:00:47,197
But occasionally,
I do have to change his diaper.
17
00:00:47,265 --> 00:00:49,290
- He was kicked by a horse.
- Oh, no.
18
00:00:49,367 --> 00:00:52,598
Yeah. Now, how do you feel
about adoption?
19
00:00:52,670 --> 00:00:57,369
So, beautiful, I hope you
keep some ice in this locket
20
00:00:57,442 --> 00:00:59,967
'cause you're making me hot all over.
21
00:01:00,044 --> 00:01:03,241
Actually, it's the only picture I have
of my biological father.
22
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:08,149
- Do you want to see it?
- What? Oh, sure.
23
00:01:08,219 --> 00:01:11,882
I'll take a look at it
first thing tomorrow morning, huh?
24
00:01:11,956 --> 00:01:13,890
Yeah, I'm not a big fan of adoption.
25
00:01:13,958 --> 00:01:17,951
- You think if it's a girl you'd doink her?
- I know I will.
26
00:01:18,029 --> 00:01:21,863
Yup. All right. Well, look, we don't need
to make this decision tonight, right?
27
00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:24,766
- I mean, plenty of time...
- I'm totally fine with stalling.
28
00:01:24,836 --> 00:01:27,236
Great, because if I hear the word
"baby" one more time,
29
00:01:27,305 --> 00:01:28,738
I'm gonna lose it!
30
00:01:28,806 --> 00:01:31,639
Dude, Carla's in labor!
Meet me at the apartment!
31
00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:34,940
Go, go, go!
32
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:38,209
- Is he coming? Is he coming?
- Turk, she's barely in labor.
33
00:01:38,282 --> 00:01:40,648
Oh, he's not talking about the baby.
34
00:01:40,718 --> 00:01:42,948
He's here,
and now we can have our baby!
35
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,511
Okay, Brown Bear,
commence Operation Brown Cub.
36
00:01:45,590 --> 00:01:47,148
- Suitcase.
- Check.
37
00:01:47,225 --> 00:01:48,556
- Stylish big daddy hat.
- Check.
38
00:01:48,626 --> 00:01:51,527
- Big-time collegiate drum line.
- Check.
39
00:01:54,132 --> 00:01:57,966
I want the whole world to know
my baby's having a baby!
40
00:02:07,278 --> 00:02:09,769
Maybe we should just take your car.
41
00:02:33,905 --> 00:02:36,396
Okay, ladies, we're here. Calm down.
42
00:02:36,474 --> 00:02:41,673
What the hell took you so long?
Oh, my God. Did you stop for food?
43
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:45,182
We had to, honey. J.D. Promised
the band that we'd feed them.
44
00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:49,843
Yeah, let me get 23 cheeseburgers,
23 milkshakes...
45
00:02:49,921 --> 00:02:53,721
Miguel, if you don't stop drumming,
you're not getting fries.
46
00:02:54,959 --> 00:02:58,588
Twenty-three... You know what?
Twenty-two fries.
47
00:02:58,663 --> 00:03:01,689
Twenty-two fries.
You didn't think I'd do it, did you?
48
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:06,570
Miguel has such raw talent, but his
attitude keeps getting in the way.
49
00:03:06,904 --> 00:03:10,465
Yay, congratulations, whoopee.
All right, see you.
50
00:03:14,745 --> 00:03:17,179
We are so happy for you.
51
00:03:23,621 --> 00:03:25,111
He's so sweet.
52
00:03:26,824 --> 00:03:30,385
You put one of those inside me.
What are we going to do?
53
00:03:31,229 --> 00:03:33,595
Turk, you brought my suitcase, right?
54
00:03:36,267 --> 00:03:38,895
Of course I have your suitcase, honey.
55
00:03:45,710 --> 00:03:47,701
What are you doing?
56
00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:51,737
Sometimes, when you need a miracle,
you have to pray extra, extra hard.
57
00:03:51,816 --> 00:03:54,307
- You wanna help me out?
- Fo' shizzle.
58
00:04:08,266 --> 00:04:09,858
Please, Lord...
59
00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:20,975
Nothing.
60
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,409
Baby, changed my mind.
61
00:04:24,482 --> 00:04:27,315
- I don't have your suitcase.
- Turk, what the hell?
62
00:04:27,385 --> 00:04:31,651
It's okay, it's okay, Carla, because
I packed you an extra overnight bag,
63
00:04:31,722 --> 00:04:33,622
and you're all checked in
and I got you an orderly
64
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,420
to take you to your room.
65
00:04:36,594 --> 00:04:38,528
Yeah, I'm only
four months pregnant, ace.
66
00:04:38,596 --> 00:04:40,257
Yeah, I think you're looking for me.
67
00:04:40,331 --> 00:04:42,822
Move it along before I eat you!
Chop-chop!
68
00:04:46,137 --> 00:04:47,502
Sorry, Jack, the machine's broken.
69
00:04:47,572 --> 00:04:50,166
Looks like you're gonna have to guzzle
your juice down without any ice.
70
00:04:50,241 --> 00:04:55,269
- Pretend... You know, pretend it's gin.
- What's gin?
71
00:04:57,081 --> 00:04:58,742
Gin is an alcoholic beverage,
72
00:04:58,816 --> 00:05:02,081
which, if your mommy's strong genes
are any indication,
73
00:05:02,153 --> 00:05:05,452
you'll eventually learn to love
as it slowly destroys
74
00:05:05,523 --> 00:05:08,048
a giant portion of your adult life.
75
00:05:10,828 --> 00:05:12,489
First the fat lady, now this?
76
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,430
He's three, Perry.
Do you have to be so blunt with him?
77
00:05:15,499 --> 00:05:18,468
I'm not gonna BS my own kid.
What's the big deal?
78
00:05:18,536 --> 00:05:20,197
Hiya, sport!
79
00:05:20,271 --> 00:05:22,967
- Your skin is wrinkly.
- Yeah?
80
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,372
Well, that shirt you're wearing is gay.
81
00:05:28,879 --> 00:05:32,076
Hey, baby, I know things haven't
exactly gone smoothly so far,
82
00:05:32,149 --> 00:05:34,583
but I promise you
I'm about to make it up to you.
83
00:05:34,652 --> 00:05:36,586
I spent all weekend
talking to my cousin,
84
00:05:36,654 --> 00:05:40,317
who just so happens to be
the world's biggest blerd.
85
00:05:40,391 --> 00:05:42,018
That's a black nerd.
86
00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:45,460
Anyway, he taught me everything
about streaming video
87
00:05:45,563 --> 00:05:48,464
and now, thanks to me,
your sisters in Chicago
88
00:05:48,532 --> 00:05:51,558
will be able to witness the birth
of our child live via webcam.
89
00:05:51,636 --> 00:05:55,197
- Turk, that's so sweet.
- You know, I do what I do.
90
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,672
All we gotta do is
wait for the cameraman to get here.
91
00:05:57,742 --> 00:05:59,835
"Cameraman"?
92
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:03,869
No man's gonna be filming my pooter
unless he's completely asexual.
93
00:06:04,148 --> 00:06:06,981
- Hello!
- Oh, hey, Ted. Cool.
94
00:06:07,051 --> 00:06:11,545
All right, I'm gonna go tell your sisters
that this bad boy is about to pop off.
95
00:06:13,391 --> 00:06:16,588
All right, Carla,
let's check how dilated you are.
96
00:06:17,094 --> 00:06:23,329
Looking real good, Carla.
Okay, we're live in three, two, one...
97
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,794
Okay, looks like you're at
about three centimeters.
98
00:06:27,872 --> 00:06:30,932
Greatest show ever.
99
00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:34,708
And record.
100
00:06:37,782 --> 00:06:40,410
Cool, Swamp Thing.
101
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,047
What's that, Daddy?
102
00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:47,621
Oh, that's the vagina
of a 35-year-old Latina woman.
103
00:06:50,027 --> 00:06:51,426
Baby?
104
00:07:00,304 --> 00:07:02,067
What the...
105
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,538
J.D., we have to talk about
all of our pregnancy options,
106
00:07:08,612 --> 00:07:10,443
even if they make us uncomfortable.
107
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,711
There's one way of dealing with this
that no one's mentioned yet.
108
00:07:13,784 --> 00:07:15,684
- The "A" word.
- I know.
109
00:07:15,753 --> 00:07:17,653
- Abortion.
- Appletinis.
110
00:07:17,722 --> 00:07:18,746
What?
111
00:07:18,823 --> 00:07:22,350
I thought that we could discuss
abortion over Appletinis.
112
00:07:24,462 --> 00:07:26,896
Did somebody just say "abortion"?
113
00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:33,336
Laverne, with all due respect, this is
none of your business or Jesus'.
114
00:07:34,405 --> 00:07:36,839
I believe he would beg to differ.
115
00:07:39,009 --> 00:07:42,501
She's right, J.D. Every life is precious.
116
00:07:42,580 --> 00:07:46,016
But what if having this baby
is a huge mistake for us?
117
00:07:47,651 --> 00:07:53,146
Okay, I'm gonna make this real simple.
No abortions, okay?
118
00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:55,422
- But what if...
- No abortions.
119
00:07:55,493 --> 00:07:56,551
Let me finish.
120
00:07:56,627 --> 00:07:58,618
What if the parents were,
like, abusive drug-addicts
121
00:07:58,696 --> 00:08:00,027
who would neglect their kid?
122
00:08:00,097 --> 00:08:02,224
Oh, well, in that case, it'd be okay.
123
00:08:02,299 --> 00:08:04,267
- Really?
- No abortions!
124
00:08:04,335 --> 00:08:06,667
How are you not getting this?
125
00:08:08,272 --> 00:08:09,534
This sucks.
126
00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:11,598
I mean, the hardest decision
I've had to make in the last year
127
00:08:11,675 --> 00:08:12,733
was what hairstyle to get,
128
00:08:12,810 --> 00:08:14,801
and even then all I did
was open up an Us Magazine,
129
00:08:14,879 --> 00:08:17,040
close my eyes
and pick a random celebrity.
130
00:08:17,114 --> 00:08:20,311
- Kirsten Dunst?
- Owen Wilson. Yeah.
131
00:08:20,951 --> 00:08:22,350
You know what's making this so hard?
132
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,444
This relationship is so new,
we can't tell
133
00:08:24,522 --> 00:08:27,047
if we have a chance
of making this work long-term.
134
00:08:27,124 --> 00:08:28,751
You know what might
give us an inkling?
135
00:08:28,826 --> 00:08:31,693
We haven't technically had sex yet.
136
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:36,131
That might help us find out
if we're on the same page, you know,
137
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,725
- in the boudoir.
- Are you hitting on me?
138
00:08:38,803 --> 00:08:43,604
- I'm sorry. I'm being an idiot, aren't I?
- No. Clothes off, we're doing it.
139
00:08:47,011 --> 00:08:48,103
Yeah!
140
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:51,172
All right,
we are definitely sexually compatible.
141
00:08:51,248 --> 00:08:54,445
I'm putting that down in the pro
"let's have a baby" category.
142
00:08:54,518 --> 00:08:55,746
That's exactly what we should do.
143
00:08:55,820 --> 00:08:57,617
We should make
a list of pros and cons.
144
00:08:57,688 --> 00:08:59,383
What did you two just do?
145
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:03,051
Because I sure don't see
any wedding rings!
146
00:09:04,862 --> 00:09:07,160
Laverne, is this your Jesus?
147
00:09:11,869 --> 00:09:14,360
Turk, I got your shift covered
so you could hang here.
148
00:09:14,438 --> 00:09:17,965
Oh, and Carla, there's something
I wanted to tell you.
149
00:09:18,342 --> 00:09:19,809
Great vagina.
150
00:09:19,877 --> 00:09:22,437
- So helpful!
- Don't take it out on The Todd.
151
00:09:22,513 --> 00:09:24,447
He was just giving me a compliment.
152
00:09:24,515 --> 00:09:27,211
- Thank you, Todd.
- Hey, happy to say it.
153
00:09:28,452 --> 00:09:29,942
So, what's next, Turk?
154
00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:32,580
Because so far
I'm half-deaf from a drum line,
155
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,454
I have no suitcase,
and the entire hospital has seen
156
00:09:35,526 --> 00:09:37,323
Ms. Priscilla.
157
00:09:38,062 --> 00:09:40,997
I named her
after my high school art teacher.
158
00:09:41,532 --> 00:09:43,329
Oh, my God, so did I!
159
00:09:44,134 --> 00:09:45,431
Mr. Hebler.
160
00:09:45,803 --> 00:09:48,033
(IMITATING MAN'S VOICE)
"It's nice to meet you."
161
00:09:50,341 --> 00:09:51,865
Okay, let me just read
the last of the cons.
162
00:09:51,942 --> 00:09:54,103
We're not married, we're both
totally focused on our careers,
163
00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:57,011
babies are known to be sticky,
and the average cost of raising a child
164
00:09:57,081 --> 00:09:58,912
is $400,000.
165
00:09:58,983 --> 00:10:00,780
Okay. Here are the final pros.
166
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,819
Kids are great,
we both make good money,
167
00:10:02,887 --> 00:10:04,821
your boobs will get huge,
168
00:10:04,889 --> 00:10:07,915
I can finally buy Beanie Babies
without feeling weird,
169
00:10:07,992 --> 00:10:09,516
and kids are great...
170
00:10:09,593 --> 00:10:12,391
- Which you already said.
...tax deductions.
171
00:10:12,463 --> 00:10:14,431
- Oh, yeah, awesome.
- Oh, nice one.
172
00:10:14,498 --> 00:10:16,966
- All right, so then what's the final tally?
- Nice. Let's see.
173
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:20,834
That's 20 cons and 19 pros.
174
00:10:20,905 --> 00:10:23,066
- I guess we gotta abort.
- Yup.
175
00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:27,270
Wait, I'm sorry.
That's an eyelash, I made a wish.
176
00:10:27,344 --> 00:10:29,710
- It's a tie. Abortion's off.
- Okay.
177
00:10:29,780 --> 00:10:31,475
So now what?
178
00:10:31,815 --> 00:10:34,147
J.D.: Every couple
has its share of problems.
179
00:10:34,919 --> 00:10:36,819
Congrats, Perry. My son just asked me
180
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,650
if my vagina
had ever been on television.
181
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,656
And did you tell him
not since the late '80s
182
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,919
when you were trying to
make it as an "actress"?
183
00:10:42,993 --> 00:10:44,483
Whether it's someone digging in...
184
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,620
Will you just cut the crap
and stop treating your son
185
00:10:46,697 --> 00:10:47,994
like he's your drinking buddy?
186
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,862
Jordan, I'm not going to change
who I am, all right?
187
00:10:49,934 --> 00:10:51,595
End of story. Jackie.
188
00:10:51,669 --> 00:10:52,658
(WHISTLING)
189
00:10:54,004 --> 00:10:56,234
Or someone's stealing your thunder...
190
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:59,834
Okay, candles are all lit,
lavender-scented, your favorite.
191
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:02,401
And here's a picture of your mom
to watch over you.
192
00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:05,039
And then I got this kit in case
you want to bronze the umbilical cord
193
00:11:05,115 --> 00:11:08,448
and use it as a key chain.
I practiced at home on some calamari.
194
00:11:08,519 --> 00:11:10,214
Elliot, you're amazing.
195
00:11:10,287 --> 00:11:12,414
Well, is there anything
I can do to help?
196
00:11:12,489 --> 00:11:14,821
Elliot's got everything covered.
197
00:11:17,962 --> 00:11:20,453
Still, nothing's worse than
facing the biggest decision of your life
198
00:11:20,531 --> 00:11:21,862
and not getting anywhere.
199
00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:25,527
Don't you wish it was this easy?
Heads yes, tails no.
200
00:11:43,487 --> 00:11:45,955
You don't see that every day.
201
00:11:52,029 --> 00:11:53,690
You know what?
We're getting nowhere.
202
00:11:53,764 --> 00:11:56,494
Let's split up for an hour
and do some soul-searching.
203
00:11:56,567 --> 00:12:00,230
- Where are you going?
- I was just gonna walk around.
204
00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:03,102
Why, where do you go
when you soul-search?
205
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:10,378
All right, Justin,
what should my specialty be?
206
00:12:10,447 --> 00:12:12,847
Oncology or radiology?
207
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,578
I go someplace wonderful.
208
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:22,716
Anyway, I was thinking we need
new table linens for the dining room.
209
00:12:22,793 --> 00:12:25,921
Well, not so much table linens
as place mats.
210
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:29,159
What do you think's prettier,
burgundy or mauve?
211
00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:31,098
- What the hell's with her?
- She's mad,
212
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,692
but she can't give me
the silent treatment
213
00:12:32,770 --> 00:12:34,328
because she knows
I'd actually love that.
214
00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:37,670
So she's giving me talk-until-I-want-to-
commit-suicide treatment.
215
00:12:37,741 --> 00:12:40,437
- Sucks to be you.
- You have no idea.
216
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:44,503
What else do I need for that?
Oh, I need new pillow shams
217
00:12:44,581 --> 00:12:48,039
and I like cotton, but I think
we should get a cotton blend
218
00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:51,451
because that's easier to clean
and I hate ironing.
219
00:12:52,056 --> 00:12:53,717
Maybe we need a new housekeeper.
220
00:12:53,791 --> 00:12:56,555
Maybe the housekeeper should come
every single day now.
221
00:12:56,627 --> 00:13:00,119
Look, Elliot, I'm really trying to be
involved in the birth of my child,
222
00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:01,892
but you just keep boxing me out.
223
00:13:01,965 --> 00:13:03,660
That is not true. Now, out of my way,
224
00:13:03,734 --> 00:13:05,065
I've gotta order
the birth announcements,
225
00:13:05,135 --> 00:13:08,832
put in the car seat
and find a yard to bury the placenta...
226
00:13:09,239 --> 00:13:12,675
Oh, my God, I'm a monster.
Turk, I am so sorry.
227
00:13:12,743 --> 00:13:15,177
- I just love babies so much.
- It's true.
228
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:16,974
Sometimes she makes me
wear a diaper.
229
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,309
Keith, private!
230
00:13:21,351 --> 00:13:24,445
- So, what is Elliot's plan?
- Oh, it's really simple.
231
00:13:24,521 --> 00:13:26,352
See, when Carla says, "I'm thirsty,"
232
00:13:26,423 --> 00:13:28,618
Elliot'll say,
"Oh, no, I forgot the ice chips."
233
00:13:28,692 --> 00:13:31,183
That's when I walk in, ice in hand,
234
00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:35,322
and I say,
"Christopher Turk, at your cervix."
235
00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:37,833
Should I have a baby, too?
236
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,165
You know,
I'm a little preoccupied right now.
237
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:43,968
- Why don't you ask your unicorn?
- This is way over Justin's head.
238
00:13:44,041 --> 00:13:47,477
He's never even been in love.
Not real love, anyway.
239
00:13:49,446 --> 00:13:51,505
What's up with the ice?
240
00:13:51,949 --> 00:13:53,246
I don't know what to do.
241
00:13:53,317 --> 00:13:56,115
I mean, having a baby can
completely ruin your life, you know?
242
00:13:56,186 --> 00:13:57,551
Not to mention, as a urologist,
243
00:13:57,621 --> 00:14:00,317
I have seen what childbirth can
do to you down there.
244
00:14:00,390 --> 00:14:01,948
I mean, I examined
this one woman last month
245
00:14:02,025 --> 00:14:03,117
and it was like,
246
00:14:03,193 --> 00:14:05,855
(IMITATING ECHO)
"Hello, hello, hello..."
247
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:07,988
Not a good time, Kim.
248
00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:13,233
- Oh, God, I'm thirsty.
- Really?
249
00:14:13,303 --> 00:14:17,000
Unfortunately, I forgot the ice chips.
250
00:14:19,343 --> 00:14:20,537
Ice chips!
251
00:14:20,611 --> 00:14:24,172
- Dude, help. I'm totally stuck.
- Why don't you just yank it out?
252
00:14:24,248 --> 00:14:26,011
I would not do that.
253
00:14:27,084 --> 00:14:28,984
BOTH: That's how it happened!
254
00:14:29,153 --> 00:14:32,213
Ice chips, ice chips,
ice-ice chips-chips!
255
00:14:33,157 --> 00:14:34,556
Hey, guys.
256
00:14:35,859 --> 00:14:37,918
Carla, let me just see
how far you can reach here.
257
00:14:37,995 --> 00:14:39,587
Okay, perfect.
258
00:14:39,663 --> 00:14:43,121
Turk would like you to call him
because he's stuck in an ice machine.
259
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,360
What?
260
00:14:45,335 --> 00:14:47,963
See, that's why I took the precaution.
261
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,940
Kim, would you be a sweetie
and give Turk a call for me?
262
00:14:52,009 --> 00:14:53,442
Yes, ma'am.
263
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:57,705
Hey, baby, look, I...
Yeah, he's right here.
264
00:14:58,649 --> 00:15:01,413
- Hold on. She won't talk to me.
- Hi.
265
00:15:02,019 --> 00:15:04,715
Yes, I know,
he missed your wedding, too.
266
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,418
All right, hold on.
267
00:15:08,025 --> 00:15:10,653
- That was from her, not me.
- Go.
268
00:15:12,729 --> 00:15:15,027
Relax, I'll have him out in one second.
269
00:15:15,098 --> 00:15:17,464
All right, now hold still.
Nobody likes a jagged stump.
270
00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:18,592
No!
271
00:15:20,671 --> 00:15:23,162
He's being unreasonable. Okay.
272
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,209
That was from me.
273
00:15:32,649 --> 00:15:34,446
- Hey, there.
- Hey.
274
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,915
So, have you decided
what you want to do?
275
00:15:38,655 --> 00:15:40,748
You know what? Neither one of us
should have to go first.
276
00:15:40,824 --> 00:15:42,121
How about, on the count of three,
277
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:43,557
we both say
what we think we should do?
278
00:15:43,627 --> 00:15:46,858
- Okay.
- One, two, three...
279
00:15:46,964 --> 00:15:48,625
- I got nothing.
- Appletinis.
280
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:51,057
So, you guys gonna keep it?
281
00:15:51,134 --> 00:15:53,466
- There's a lot to...
- Maybe, but if we do, we can...
282
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,027
- Because...
- Then we can...
283
00:15:55,105 --> 00:15:57,096
- Probably.
- BOTH: Maybe not.
284
00:15:57,174 --> 00:16:00,041
You know, I had an abortion.
285
00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:01,907
All right, Jackie. As promised,
286
00:16:01,979 --> 00:16:04,539
let's go find ourselves
a little stethoscope
287
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:07,015
so you can hear
what your butt sounds like.
288
00:16:07,084 --> 00:16:10,349
- Daddy, what's an abortion?
- Enjoy.
289
00:16:13,123 --> 00:16:14,420
My mommy had an abortion!
290
00:16:14,491 --> 00:16:17,153
My mommy had an abortion!
My mommy had an abortion!
291
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:20,060
- My mommy had an abortion.
- How you doing?
292
00:16:21,965 --> 00:16:24,229
Okay, Janitor,
Carla's starting to push. Tell Turk.
293
00:16:24,301 --> 00:16:26,769
Got it. Your baby has a tail.
294
00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:30,138
I told her to stay away
from the microwave.
295
00:16:31,508 --> 00:16:34,500
- Elliot, I can't do it!
- Okay, okay, I want you to imagine
296
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:36,512
that your uterus is
like a tube of toothpaste
297
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:38,207
and you're just trying to squeeze out
298
00:16:38,282 --> 00:16:41,217
all that minty-fresh gel,
but instead of minty-fresh gel inside,
299
00:16:41,285 --> 00:16:43,412
there's a little black baby.
300
00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:48,549
We have a prolapsed umbilical cord.
She needs a C-section, right now.
301
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:50,820
- Put Turk on the phone, damn it!
- It's okay.
302
00:16:50,894 --> 00:16:54,853
Baby, listen.
I'm not angry that you got stuck.
303
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,832
I know you were just trying to be nice
because you're a good-hearted,
304
00:16:57,901 --> 00:17:00,802
wonderful, thoughtful man,
but listen to me.
305
00:17:01,171 --> 00:17:05,005
They're giving me a C-section,
and I'm really scared
306
00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:07,441
and I need you to be here right now.
307
00:17:08,178 --> 00:17:10,772
Something about a C-section. Smile.
308
00:17:21,024 --> 00:17:23,993
- Almost there?
- Almost there.
309
00:17:24,861 --> 00:17:28,160
- Baby! I'm here!
- Turk, I'm scared!
310
00:17:28,899 --> 00:17:32,357
- Sorry, Dr. Turk, no ice machines.
- No!
311
00:17:35,238 --> 00:17:38,696
I was 19 and working in Nantucket
as a waitress
312
00:17:38,775 --> 00:17:41,403
and dating this amazing guy
named Andy.
313
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,636
Curly blond hair and dimples
314
00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:48,549
and eyes that were either sky blue,
powder blue,
315
00:17:48,618 --> 00:17:51,018
I could never figure out which.
316
00:17:51,688 --> 00:17:54,623
Anyway, his best friend, Curt,
knocked me up.
317
00:17:56,093 --> 00:17:58,084
Don't look at me like that.
That was the first guy
318
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:01,096
- I had ever slept with.
- Oh, we're not judging you.
319
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,324
J.D.: Whore!
320
00:18:02,399 --> 00:18:04,128
I think about it from time to time,
321
00:18:04,201 --> 00:18:07,728
but it would have been
the biggest mistake to have that baby.
322
00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:09,567
We've talked, we've made lists,
323
00:18:09,639 --> 00:18:11,800
and we've been as logical
as we can here,
324
00:18:11,875 --> 00:18:13,137
and we've still got nothing.
325
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:16,941
It's not a logical decision.
If it's right, you'll feel it in your heart.
326
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,743
Yeah, but what if
we don't feel anything?
327
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,508
Maybe that's your answer.
328
00:18:25,856 --> 00:18:27,949
Carla's having a C-section.
329
00:18:32,796 --> 00:18:34,696
Jordan, you okay?
330
00:18:35,799 --> 00:18:40,099
- My mommy had an abortion.
- She sure did, sweetie.
331
00:18:41,972 --> 00:18:43,940
How are my boys?
332
00:18:47,411 --> 00:18:48,935
What's going on?
333
00:18:49,012 --> 00:18:52,243
- They're about to start.
- Turkleton!
334
00:18:53,016 --> 00:18:56,383
If you are trying to get
the same $5 million settlement
335
00:18:56,453 --> 00:18:58,683
that damn hook-handed
security guard got,
336
00:18:58,755 --> 00:19:01,189
you're out of luck, stud,
'cause I put a release button
337
00:19:01,258 --> 00:19:03,158
right here on top.
338
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:12,065
Well, what are you waiting for, son?
Get in there.
339
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:20,338
- How you doing, beautiful?
- Turk, you're here.
340
00:19:21,178 --> 00:19:22,577
I'm so hot.
341
00:19:23,513 --> 00:19:26,073
Don't sweat it. I got you.
342
00:19:32,889 --> 00:19:36,120
Guys, I have an announcement.
343
00:19:36,226 --> 00:19:37,625
(DRUM ROLL)
344
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,455
Miguel, please!
345
00:19:40,063 --> 00:19:42,395
The baby's out, but the cord was
wrapped around its neck,
346
00:19:42,466 --> 00:19:44,900
so we had to take it to the NICU.
347
00:19:44,968 --> 00:19:47,129
They say you never realize
your capacity to love
348
00:19:47,204 --> 00:19:50,867
until you have a child.
It can change who you are.
349
00:19:50,941 --> 00:19:53,068
Where do babies come from?
350
00:19:55,545 --> 00:19:59,140
Where do babies come from? Well...
351
00:20:02,219 --> 00:20:07,282
When a mommy and a daddy
love each other very, very much,
352
00:20:08,358 --> 00:20:12,761
sometimes they close their eyes
and they make a wish.
353
00:20:18,268 --> 00:20:20,293
It can fill you with joy.
354
00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:23,806
Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to introduce you
355
00:20:24,341 --> 00:20:25,831
to Isabella Turk.
356
00:20:25,909 --> 00:20:29,106
I'm a daddy! I'm a daddy!
357
00:20:46,229 --> 00:20:47,491
It can even give your heart
358
00:20:47,564 --> 00:20:50,328
the answer you thought
you'd never find.
359
00:20:56,373 --> 00:20:58,000
Let's do this.
29034
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