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1
00:00:07,860 --> 00:00:09,350
Welcome home, Perry.
2
00:00:09,528 --> 00:00:11,086
Here's the new program.
3
00:00:11,163 --> 00:00:13,427
You occasionally lift a finger,
helping with Jack.
4
00:00:13,499 --> 00:00:16,332
And I'm gonna try to keep from
hating the unborn baby
5
00:00:16,402 --> 00:00:18,495
in my belly that's made my ass so big,
6
00:00:18,571 --> 00:00:21,972
I can't fit the whole thing on a toilet
when I pee 800 times a day.
7
00:00:22,041 --> 00:00:23,269
Okay.
8
00:00:23,909 --> 00:00:27,208
You love spaghetti. You had some
just last night, didn't you?
9
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,841
- No, I didn't.
- Jordan, the boy is lying to me.
10
00:00:30,916 --> 00:00:33,043
Oh, Perry, nobody likes a tattletale.
11
00:00:33,119 --> 00:00:34,848
Nobody does, Perry.
12
00:00:37,623 --> 00:00:42,822
All right, champ, just in case you get
hungry later on...
13
00:00:44,263 --> 00:00:46,231
(LAUGHING)
14
00:00:46,299 --> 00:00:49,325
Yo, Elliot, what's your ringtone?
15
00:00:49,402 --> 00:00:51,700
Jesus Take the Wheel,
by Carrie Underwood.
16
00:00:51,771 --> 00:00:53,671
I'm carrying under-wood right now.
17
00:00:53,739 --> 00:00:56,299
See, that's funny because it's true.
18
00:00:57,743 --> 00:00:59,040
Please.
19
00:00:59,412 --> 00:01:02,540
But that's all you get
for the rest of the year, Todd.
20
00:01:02,615 --> 00:01:04,606
I'm downloading *NS YNC's
Bye, Bye, Bye.
21
00:01:04,684 --> 00:01:06,049
When that bad boy starts a-jumpin',
22
00:01:06,118 --> 00:01:08,609
I defy anyone
not to shake their butt to it.
23
00:01:09,021 --> 00:01:10,215
I'm bringing it back.
24
00:01:10,289 --> 00:01:12,655
Just like you brought back Pop Rocks?
25
00:01:12,792 --> 00:01:14,123
Teddy boy!
26
00:01:14,460 --> 00:01:16,052
(POP ROCKS CRACKLING)
27
00:01:16,128 --> 00:01:19,325
Yeah, well, you're not as big
a trendsetter as you think you are.
28
00:01:19,398 --> 00:01:20,865
Right, Keith?
29
00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:22,127
(POP ROCKS CRACKLING)
30
00:01:23,636 --> 00:01:25,570
J.D.: As for me, I spent my free time
31
00:01:25,638 --> 00:01:27,833
getting co-workers I just met pregnant.
32
00:01:27,907 --> 00:01:29,499
You're pregnant?
33
00:01:30,076 --> 00:01:31,600
Are you sure?
34
00:01:34,046 --> 00:01:35,536
I'm pretty sure.
35
00:01:35,614 --> 00:01:38,139
Kim, I'm not really sure
how to phrase this,
36
00:01:38,217 --> 00:01:40,549
so I'm just gonna dive right in.
37
00:01:41,087 --> 00:01:42,884
Have there been other penises?
38
00:01:42,955 --> 00:01:44,217
It's yours, J.D.
39
00:01:44,290 --> 00:01:46,155
- Cool.
- Are you okay?
40
00:01:46,392 --> 00:01:48,451
(SCREAMING)
41
00:01:48,527 --> 00:01:49,653
Yeah.
42
00:01:49,929 --> 00:01:52,693
I don't think I've ever seen the inside
of your apartment before.
43
00:01:52,765 --> 00:01:54,733
Said the father of my unborn child.
44
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:55,789
(CHUCKLES)
45
00:01:56,435 --> 00:01:59,370
That was a joke. Oh, come on.
46
00:01:59,438 --> 00:02:01,736
No laugh from a guy who
when he orders a coffee says,
47
00:02:01,807 --> 00:02:03,035
"Thanks a latte"?
48
00:02:03,109 --> 00:02:06,306
Well, that's different, Kim.
That's hilarious. This is life-changing.
49
00:02:06,379 --> 00:02:08,142
We're gonna get through this.
50
00:02:08,214 --> 00:02:10,978
You know what else is pretty classic?
When the coffee guy asks for money,
51
00:02:11,050 --> 00:02:14,611
you say, "Sorry, my wallet's in my other
pair of mocha-chinos."
52
00:02:14,687 --> 00:02:15,745
That always gets 'em.
53
00:02:15,821 --> 00:02:16,947
(PAGER BEEPING)
54
00:02:17,022 --> 00:02:18,182
Oh, damn it.
55
00:02:19,392 --> 00:02:20,916
I have to go to the hospital.
56
00:02:20,993 --> 00:02:24,190
Scone is also a funny word,
but I don't like them.
57
00:02:24,263 --> 00:02:26,026
I prefer croissants.
58
00:02:26,098 --> 00:02:28,498
You're clearly freaking out, so,
you need to promise me that
59
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:30,626
you're gonna find somebody
to talk to about this while I'm gone.
60
00:02:30,703 --> 00:02:31,897
Please, I'll be fine.
61
00:02:31,971 --> 00:02:34,667
You be careful, you're walking for two.
62
00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:37,502
Call, Turk.
63
00:02:45,885 --> 00:02:47,318
You were right, Turk.
64
00:02:47,386 --> 00:02:50,514
- Hell, yeah.
- All right, all right!
65
00:02:50,589 --> 00:02:54,855
Now listen!
This is a hospital, not a discotheque.
66
00:02:54,927 --> 00:02:56,690
Turn that damn thing off!
67
00:02:56,762 --> 00:02:58,457
Come on, buddy, please pick up.
68
00:03:04,203 --> 00:03:06,068
This is pretty catchy.
69
00:03:10,376 --> 00:03:13,004
(ALL GROANING)
70
00:03:13,412 --> 00:03:17,109
No problem, I'll just go chill at my deck
with a little vino.
71
00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:24,483
Unfortunately, it was still a hangout
spot for gay seniors.
72
00:03:26,759 --> 00:03:28,750
All right, that's enough!
73
00:03:29,195 --> 00:03:31,823
I have seen Les Mis
over a dozen times,
74
00:03:31,931 --> 00:03:36,265
so I have nothing against
giant queens, per se, all right?
75
00:03:37,102 --> 00:03:39,366
In fact, my life would be
a whole lot easier
76
00:03:39,438 --> 00:03:41,668
if I was married to one of you guys.
77
00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:43,264
Excuse me.
78
00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:46,268
You heard him, girls.
79
00:03:46,345 --> 00:03:47,437
Let's roll.
80
00:03:47,513 --> 00:03:48,775
(ALL WHOOPING)
81
00:03:49,582 --> 00:03:51,675
(ERE IT GOES AGAIN PLAYING)
82
00:04:06,298 --> 00:04:07,424
(SCREAMING)
83
00:04:33,192 --> 00:04:34,181
(CHEERING)
84
00:04:58,984 --> 00:05:00,884
Hold up, hold up, hold up!
85
00:05:00,953 --> 00:05:03,285
Las Vegas Police Department.
86
00:05:03,889 --> 00:05:05,049
Hello!
87
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,755
Why didn't you answer your phone
when I called you?
88
00:05:09,828 --> 00:05:11,227
I was dancing.
89
00:05:12,197 --> 00:05:13,994
Wait, let me hear it.
90
00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:15,600
There it is.
91
00:05:34,186 --> 00:05:35,813
Well, look, I'm in surgery all morning,
92
00:05:35,888 --> 00:05:39,119
but we can meet for lunch,
talk this through then, okay?
93
00:05:39,191 --> 00:05:42,024
Hello? J.D., this is
a really bad connection.
94
00:05:42,094 --> 00:05:43,721
Ted, please!
95
00:05:43,796 --> 00:05:45,286
(POP ROCKS CRACKLING)
96
00:05:47,499 --> 00:05:48,591
Ted!
97
00:05:51,337 --> 00:05:53,464
Okay, I'll see you at lunch.
98
00:05:54,239 --> 00:05:56,867
Hey, Mojambo,
this here's our new flagpole.
99
00:05:56,942 --> 00:06:00,639
Why don't you show Old Glory
a little respect and snap off a salute?
100
00:06:03,148 --> 00:06:04,240
There's no flag up there.
101
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:07,544
We're at war, my friend.
All American flags are on back-order.
102
00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:10,953
What do you want me to do in the
meantime, run a pirate flag up there?
103
00:06:11,023 --> 00:06:14,186
Maybe turn the whole building
into a pirate ship?
104
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:16,724
I could put a captain's wheel up on
the roof,
105
00:06:16,795 --> 00:06:19,423
catch a parrot somehow,
slap on an eye-patch,
106
00:06:19,498 --> 00:06:23,264
go to work with a caulk gun,
seal her up, make her water-tight.
107
00:06:23,335 --> 00:06:24,996
I could take her out to sea.
108
00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:27,971
- Are you insane?
- No, I'm a pirate.
109
00:06:28,407 --> 00:06:30,875
Whatever. I'm not saluting a pole.
110
00:06:32,511 --> 00:06:35,173
And so it begins, again.
111
00:06:36,582 --> 00:06:38,106
My life is over.
112
00:06:38,183 --> 00:06:40,117
Oh, come on, you've gotta
focus on the positives.
113
00:06:40,185 --> 00:06:42,983
For instance, the medical miracle that
is one woman
114
00:06:43,055 --> 00:06:46,786
actually impregnating another woman,
SHEDAISY!
115
00:06:48,861 --> 00:06:52,058
Coincidentally,
I have a cousin named Shedaisy.
116
00:06:52,164 --> 00:06:53,290
What?
117
00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:55,560
J.D. Needs us right now, okay.
So, this is what we're gonna do.
118
00:06:55,634 --> 00:06:58,831
Dr. Cox, you're backing off.
Elliot, you go talk to him.
119
00:06:58,904 --> 00:07:00,371
Can't wait to talk to J.D.
120
00:07:00,439 --> 00:07:02,771
Maybe we can chat about
how everyone in this frickin' hospital,
121
00:07:02,841 --> 00:07:04,274
other than me, is having a baby.
122
00:07:04,343 --> 00:07:07,210
I mean, seriously. Having a baby,
having a baby, having a second baby.
123
00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:09,304
Oh, having her
husband's best friend's baby.
124
00:07:09,381 --> 00:07:11,872
That's right, Mona, everyone knows!
125
00:07:13,485 --> 00:07:14,850
What are you looking at,
Dr. Beardface?
126
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:18,549
You want a kid? 'Cause, I swear
to God, I will mount you right now!
127
00:07:18,624 --> 00:07:21,024
It's Beardf�ce, damn it!
128
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,057
(WHISTLING)
129
00:07:23,128 --> 00:07:26,427
Gather around, doomed new interns
who just paged me.
130
00:07:26,632 --> 00:07:30,466
Quick question.
What does this outfit tell you?
131
00:07:30,536 --> 00:07:34,063
You are entering
a Joe Piscopo look-alike contest?
132
00:07:35,574 --> 00:07:37,667
It means that I was just working out,
133
00:07:37,743 --> 00:07:39,711
which, incidentally,
is the last remaining activity
134
00:07:39,778 --> 00:07:43,305
I have in my adult life
that qualifies as "me time."
135
00:07:43,382 --> 00:07:45,873
Other activities recently
crossed off of that list
136
00:07:45,951 --> 00:07:47,714
include my morning
dump and all showers.
137
00:07:47,786 --> 00:07:50,482
You see, my dear son Jack
has decided that those
138
00:07:50,556 --> 00:07:54,890
are team sports. However, I'm here
and I'm totally psyched to hear
139
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:58,418
whatever the superty-duper reason
is that you paged me.
140
00:07:59,364 --> 00:08:01,832
Mr. Wyatt's chart said to
remove his eight stitches,
141
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:03,663
but we counted nine.
142
00:08:03,769 --> 00:08:06,067
- Should we leave one?
- That's it.
143
00:08:07,606 --> 00:08:09,972
Every single one of you is
gonna run laps around the hallways
144
00:08:10,042 --> 00:08:11,100
till I say stop.
145
00:08:11,176 --> 00:08:12,404
(ALL CHUCKLING)
146
00:08:12,478 --> 00:08:13,672
Think I'm kidding?
147
00:08:13,779 --> 00:08:16,009
(COX YELLING)
148
00:08:17,983 --> 00:08:21,419
Perry, what the hell?
I just got a call from Jack's school.
149
00:08:21,487 --> 00:08:23,648
Apparently, they served
spaghetti for lunch,
150
00:08:23,722 --> 00:08:26,623
so he had some sort of
Vietnam flashback.
151
00:08:27,126 --> 00:08:29,026
We're having a second baby.
152
00:08:29,094 --> 00:08:30,925
You need to deal
with your anger issues.
153
00:08:30,996 --> 00:08:33,430
I don't have any anger issues.
154
00:08:33,499 --> 00:08:38,459
Dr. Cox, I'm sorry,
but my asthma is really starting to...
155
00:08:38,537 --> 00:08:40,095
(WHEEZING)
156
00:08:40,572 --> 00:08:42,096
Get out of here!
157
00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:44,073
Seriously.
158
00:08:48,046 --> 00:08:50,310
What are you working on, young man?
159
00:08:50,382 --> 00:08:53,681
New ways to torture that guy. See?
160
00:08:58,757 --> 00:09:01,248
Mrs. Zeebee, I know that
we were hoping
161
00:09:01,326 --> 00:09:04,693
that the pain around your areola
was simple mastitis,
162
00:09:05,097 --> 00:09:07,895
but it turns out that it's breast cancer.
163
00:09:08,734 --> 00:09:10,065
(SIGHING)
164
00:09:10,135 --> 00:09:12,569
I can't believe this is happening to me.
165
00:09:12,638 --> 00:09:14,367
Trust me,
I know what you're going through.
166
00:09:14,439 --> 00:09:17,067
Just yesterday,
I found out that my girlfriend...
167
00:09:17,142 --> 00:09:20,407
Excuse us. Dude, please tell me
you're not comparing getting cancer
168
00:09:20,479 --> 00:09:23,004
- to knocking up your girlfriend.
- I was trying to.
169
00:09:23,081 --> 00:09:25,845
You can't pawn your personal stuff off
on your patients.
170
00:09:25,918 --> 00:09:28,716
What about you
and the motorcycle accident guy?
171
00:09:29,154 --> 00:09:31,679
So get this. My pregnant wife
has decided that it's okay
172
00:09:31,757 --> 00:09:33,384
to steal my pillow
in the middle of the night
173
00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:36,086
and sleep with it in between her legs.
174
00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:37,958
When am I going into surgery?
175
00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:41,090
Oh, we can't start the surgery
until the troopers find your foot.
176
00:09:43,335 --> 00:09:45,735
That was different.
He said, "What's up?"
177
00:09:49,141 --> 00:09:50,836
Hardly seems like
much of a punishment
178
00:09:50,909 --> 00:09:52,103
for the kid from Kenya.
179
00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:53,940
I mean, God's sake, he can run all day.
180
00:09:54,012 --> 00:09:55,536
You know, maybe Jordan's right.
181
00:09:55,614 --> 00:09:58,082
Maybe it's time you start dealing
with your anger issues.
182
00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:01,950
Carla, for something to be an issue,
it needs to cause a problem.
183
00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:04,921
And, honestly,
aside from having to, by law,
184
00:10:04,990 --> 00:10:07,220
remain 30 feet away from
a certain telemarketer
185
00:10:07,292 --> 00:10:09,726
who I visited
while he was eating his dinner,
186
00:10:09,795 --> 00:10:12,161
I don't see the downside.
187
00:10:13,532 --> 00:10:16,433
Mr. Slydell here is suffering from
peptic ulcer disease
188
00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:19,937
and hypertension, two conditions
you often see in very angry people.
189
00:10:20,005 --> 00:10:23,497
Well, now, you don't know that this
gentleman is angry.
190
00:10:24,076 --> 00:10:28,945
Damn it! Why won't this TV go on?
191
00:10:30,582 --> 00:10:32,550
That was the bed remote.
192
00:10:33,719 --> 00:10:35,380
Ted, I got the cola.
193
00:10:35,487 --> 00:10:37,853
- Did you get the Pop Rocks?
- No, the vending machine was out,
194
00:10:37,923 --> 00:10:41,518
so I went to the generic store
and got some Fizzy Pebbles.
195
00:10:41,593 --> 00:10:44,562
- You sure we should do this?
- I'm sick of legends and hearsay, Keith.
196
00:10:44,630 --> 00:10:46,188
I have to know!
197
00:10:49,368 --> 00:10:51,734
No scuffing. No scuffing!
198
00:10:52,404 --> 00:10:56,670
Okay, what if
I get a sex change operation
199
00:10:56,742 --> 00:10:59,142
and I trick him into marrying me?
200
00:10:59,444 --> 00:11:02,277
But if it doesn't work,
you'll just be an older,
201
00:11:02,447 --> 00:11:04,472
fairly ugly janitor-woman.
202
00:11:05,417 --> 00:11:06,748
That's true.
203
00:11:06,818 --> 00:11:08,479
You know,
you and I are quite a bit alike.
204
00:11:08,553 --> 00:11:10,487
I spent most of my life
trying to become a lawyer,
205
00:11:10,889 --> 00:11:13,357
but I could never get my
Juris Doctorate.
206
00:11:13,492 --> 00:11:14,584
How's that make us alike?
207
00:11:14,793 --> 00:11:18,320
I spent years
trying to get that damn J.D.
208
00:11:19,364 --> 00:11:20,353
(LOUD POPPING)
209
00:11:20,432 --> 00:11:22,423
(WHOOPING)
210
00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:23,900
I'm alive!
211
00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:28,066
Hey!
212
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:30,370
That'll be fun to clean up.
213
00:11:31,009 --> 00:11:33,978
You know what's so messed up
about this whole baby thing?
214
00:11:34,046 --> 00:11:37,948
I mean, I feel like I'm drowning
and it hasn't even fazed Kim.
215
00:11:38,016 --> 00:11:39,244
(SOBBING)
216
00:11:39,318 --> 00:11:41,946
Okay, let's, close her up.
217
00:11:42,988 --> 00:11:46,856
- Dr. Briggs, why are you crying?
- This song always gets me.
218
00:11:49,494 --> 00:11:52,588
My brother was killed
by a Funky Cold Medina.
219
00:11:52,731 --> 00:11:56,827
I'm sorry J.D., but you knew that
this could happen when you had sex.
220
00:11:56,902 --> 00:11:58,199
I have to tell you guys something,
221
00:11:58,270 --> 00:11:59,464
but you have to
promise not to laugh, okay?
222
00:11:59,538 --> 00:12:00,562
- Oh, no. Absolutely.
- I'll try.
223
00:12:00,639 --> 00:12:01,663
Sure.
224
00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:04,368
Okay, on the night of said conception,
225
00:12:05,344 --> 00:12:10,543
Kim and I nuded up and,
the dirty talk began
226
00:12:10,615 --> 00:12:12,139
and I got a little over-excited.
227
00:12:12,217 --> 00:12:13,548
(EXCLAIMING)
228
00:12:14,052 --> 00:12:16,077
She like the dirty talk?
229
00:12:16,154 --> 00:12:18,952
No, I do. I find it gets the ladies going,
230
00:12:19,024 --> 00:12:21,584
but I occasionally
get wrapped up in it myself,
231
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:24,686
especially when I do
some of my different voices and...
232
00:12:24,763 --> 00:12:25,821
He does.
233
00:12:25,897 --> 00:12:29,890
Anyhoo, there was some
unexpected friendly fire.
234
00:12:30,202 --> 00:12:33,137
And, even though I never
235
00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:37,038
got a chance to enter the village,
236
00:12:39,277 --> 00:12:41,871
there was a air strike
237
00:12:41,947 --> 00:12:44,347
on one of the outlying regions.
238
00:12:44,416 --> 00:12:45,849
(LAUGHING)
239
00:12:45,917 --> 00:12:46,906
Thank you.
240
00:12:46,985 --> 00:12:49,453
Anyway, I spoke to the gals up in OBG
241
00:12:49,521 --> 00:12:52,786
and they said it's not uncommon
for a woman to get pregnant
242
00:12:52,858 --> 00:12:55,588
even if there was no actual penetration.
243
00:12:56,361 --> 00:12:59,728
What you're trying to tell us is that
244
00:12:59,798 --> 00:13:01,698
you never actually had sex with her?
245
00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:03,257
No, I didn't have a condom.
246
00:13:03,335 --> 00:13:04,529
(ALL SNIGGERING)
247
00:13:04,603 --> 00:13:08,300
And we decided
not to have sex because,
248
00:13:09,041 --> 00:13:10,736
here's the kicker,
249
00:13:10,809 --> 00:13:12,538
I didn't want to get her pregnant.
250
00:13:12,611 --> 00:13:13,600
Oh, no, you didn't.
251
00:13:13,678 --> 00:13:15,976
(ALL LAUGHING)
252
00:13:16,048 --> 00:13:17,879
J.D.: As I thought about
how Mrs. Zeebee and I
253
00:13:17,949 --> 00:13:19,678
had gotten such a raw deal,
254
00:13:19,751 --> 00:13:22,652
I realized how easy it was
for doctors to see themselves
255
00:13:22,721 --> 00:13:24,086
in their patients.
256
00:13:24,156 --> 00:13:26,420
Whether it's in the choices
they made in their life...
257
00:13:26,491 --> 00:13:29,722
My anger not only cost me my health,
258
00:13:30,762 --> 00:13:34,198
it also cost me my job, my marriage.
259
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:37,665
It cost me damn near everything.
260
00:13:37,903 --> 00:13:39,530
You're killing me.
261
00:13:39,604 --> 00:13:41,401
... or the choices they didn't make.
262
00:13:41,473 --> 00:13:43,566
I was so obsessed with getting my J.D.
263
00:13:43,642 --> 00:13:46,475
That I never did the things
I really wanted to do.
264
00:13:46,545 --> 00:13:50,709
- Start a family, see the world...
- Punch a whale.
265
00:13:51,249 --> 00:13:54,082
No, I punched a whale,
right in the face.
266
00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:57,245
Down he went, like Liston.
267
00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:01,653
Either way, it forces you to face your
problems head-on.
268
00:14:01,726 --> 00:14:05,162
There you are. You ready to grab
some lunch so that we can talk?
269
00:14:05,230 --> 00:14:06,492
Or not.
270
00:14:06,898 --> 00:14:11,198
You know what, Kim, I don't think
I can handle this right now.
271
00:14:12,070 --> 00:14:14,436
Oh, okay, yeah. That's great.
272
00:14:22,747 --> 00:14:24,009
Heads up.
273
00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:26,840
- Hey.
- Hey.
274
00:14:26,918 --> 00:14:28,408
Have you seen J.D.?
275
00:14:29,654 --> 00:14:30,985
I have not.
276
00:14:31,056 --> 00:14:32,853
Any idea where he is?
277
00:14:36,328 --> 00:14:38,353
Teaching CPR
to underprivileged youth
278
00:14:38,430 --> 00:14:40,591
at Lincoln Middle School
on 18th Street.
279
00:14:40,665 --> 00:14:41,996
J.D.: I can't believe he got that.
280
00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:45,264
We are so ready for that charades
tournament on Saturday.
281
00:14:45,337 --> 00:14:47,430
Come on, Turk, where is he?
282
00:14:48,039 --> 00:14:52,908
You know, Kim, I'm sorry,
but I really have no idea.
283
00:14:52,978 --> 00:14:54,309
Traitor!
284
00:14:54,379 --> 00:14:55,368
(YELLING)
285
00:14:56,648 --> 00:14:59,276
ALL: Upside-down,
the lily-padded go-cart...
286
00:14:59,718 --> 00:15:01,743
Space-wasters, why haven't any of you
287
00:15:01,820 --> 00:15:04,618
placed a pulmonary artery cath
on this guy?
288
00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:08,318
Hey, let's try to use our inside voice
around the interns.
289
00:15:08,527 --> 00:15:09,721
We don't want to scare them.
290
00:15:09,794 --> 00:15:11,659
What new kind of crazy is this?
291
00:15:11,730 --> 00:15:15,689
Oh, Elliot snapped a little and
decided the interns were her babies.
292
00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:17,166
Oops, Jakey.
293
00:15:17,302 --> 00:15:20,965
Somebody's got a little smoodgie
on his face. There you go.
294
00:15:21,039 --> 00:15:22,802
As long as he gets done.
295
00:15:22,874 --> 00:15:25,707
Why doesn't Elliot have a
freshly-ripped new one, right now?
296
00:15:25,777 --> 00:15:28,075
I'm not freshly ripping anybody
anything anymore.
297
00:15:28,146 --> 00:15:29,943
I am done with anger.
298
00:15:30,215 --> 00:15:32,877
Is that going to be like the
time you quit drinking?
299
00:15:32,951 --> 00:15:35,317
'Cause that was
the longest 20 minutes of my life.
300
00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:38,550
Your sarcasm is wasted on me,
you giant pregnant beast.
301
00:15:38,623 --> 00:15:41,558
This is an anger-free zone.
302
00:15:41,626 --> 00:15:43,116
There is no anger here.
303
00:15:43,195 --> 00:15:45,186
(GROANING)
304
00:15:46,298 --> 00:15:47,526
Counter.
305
00:15:47,599 --> 00:15:48,930
(LAUGHING)
306
00:16:00,245 --> 00:16:01,872
I filled it with blue Gatorade.
307
00:16:01,947 --> 00:16:04,575
- I just do that to freak people out.
- Scintillating.
308
00:16:04,649 --> 00:16:07,413
Say, since we're small-talking,
let me ask you a question.
309
00:16:07,485 --> 00:16:11,012
Do you have regrets
about the way you lived your life?
310
00:16:11,089 --> 00:16:12,579
'Cause I think I do.
311
00:16:12,657 --> 00:16:15,353
You've never been to Paris
and cleaned a French toilet, huh?
312
00:16:15,427 --> 00:16:17,520
(CHUCKLING) Good one.
No, that's not it.
313
00:16:17,862 --> 00:16:20,456
Come on, be straight with me.
Do you think I'm wasting my life?
314
00:16:20,532 --> 00:16:22,466
Let's cut to the chase, freak show.
315
00:16:22,534 --> 00:16:24,798
If you're a 44-year-old man
wearing a jumpsuit
316
00:16:24,869 --> 00:16:27,269
and you are not climbing
into the cockpit of a rocket ship,
317
00:16:27,339 --> 00:16:30,274
chances are you've made
a lot of wrong turns along the way.
318
00:16:30,342 --> 00:16:31,707
Good talk.
319
00:16:35,013 --> 00:16:36,640
Dude, what the hell am I
supposed to tell Kim
320
00:16:36,715 --> 00:16:38,205
when she asks
why I drove off like that?
321
00:16:38,283 --> 00:16:40,581
Tell her you hate white chicks,
and then when she says,
322
00:16:40,652 --> 00:16:42,517
"No, you don't," you say,
"I mean White Chicks, the movie.
323
00:16:42,587 --> 00:16:44,350
"Not a fan of those Wayans brothers."
324
00:16:44,422 --> 00:16:47,152
Then she'll laugh
and forget why she was mad at you.
325
00:16:47,225 --> 00:16:50,388
You're right, that'll work. But still,
you need to man up and talk to her.
326
00:16:50,462 --> 00:16:52,020
You have no idea
what I'm going through.
327
00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:54,998
Really? Because the last time
I checked, I was having a kid, too.
328
00:16:55,066 --> 00:16:57,694
Yeah, that you planned, with your wife,
329
00:16:57,869 --> 00:16:59,962
whose middle name you know.
330
00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:03,230
It's Juanita, Turk!
331
00:17:03,308 --> 00:17:05,139
Carla's middle name is Juanita!
332
00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:06,802
I knew it was something Puerto Rican!
333
00:17:06,878 --> 00:17:08,209
What if Kim and I
don't end up together?
334
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,077
Okay, I already have enough trouble
meeting girls.
335
00:17:10,148 --> 00:17:11,240
Can you imagine it now?
336
00:17:11,316 --> 00:17:13,580
"Hey, how you doing? I'm J.D.
And this little bugger right here
337
00:17:13,652 --> 00:17:15,517
"already hates you
for not being his real mommy."
338
00:17:15,587 --> 00:17:18,147
"Wanna get freaky?
I'm apparently very fertile."
339
00:17:18,223 --> 00:17:20,453
My life has changed forever.
340
00:17:20,859 --> 00:17:24,522
You wanna be like everybody else and
say, "Everything's gonna be just fine."
341
00:17:24,596 --> 00:17:28,225
Dude, I'm your best friend.
I'll tell you whatever you want me to.
342
00:17:32,103 --> 00:17:34,731
Say, Barbie, have you seen
any of the interns around?
343
00:17:34,806 --> 00:17:39,038
Yeah, they did so well at rounds,
I'm just letting them watch a show.
344
00:17:39,878 --> 00:17:42,108
Hi, interns.
345
00:17:42,213 --> 00:17:43,202
- Hi.
- Hi.
346
00:17:43,815 --> 00:17:46,841
Look, you pretty obviously
have short-circuited
347
00:17:46,918 --> 00:17:49,148
because the odds of you
ever actually having a baby
348
00:17:49,220 --> 00:17:51,711
are roughly on a par
with me finding the Loch Ness monster
349
00:17:51,790 --> 00:17:53,951
in my bathtub!
350
00:17:54,025 --> 00:17:55,515
I can't hear the TV.
351
00:17:55,593 --> 00:17:56,582
(STAMMERING)
352
00:18:00,932 --> 00:18:02,399
Hi, honey!
353
00:18:04,402 --> 00:18:05,426
(WHISTLING)
354
00:18:05,503 --> 00:18:09,030
Go on, get out of here!
Come on. You, too! Get out of here!
355
00:18:10,408 --> 00:18:12,968
Don't even say a word.
356
00:18:14,012 --> 00:18:17,914
Mr. Slydell's ulcer perforated
and he bled out. He's dead.
357
00:18:26,925 --> 00:18:31,157
If it isn't my beautiful bride,
Carla Juanita Espinosa.
358
00:18:32,063 --> 00:18:35,464
Juanita? You think
my middle name is Juanita?
359
00:18:36,735 --> 00:18:38,635
I am going to kill J.D.
360
00:18:42,774 --> 00:18:45,868
Dr. Dorian, look, this is a bit awkward,
361
00:18:45,944 --> 00:18:47,343
but, as Chief of Medicine
362
00:18:47,412 --> 00:18:51,576
I feel obligated to ask you
about your relationship with Dr. Briggs.
363
00:18:53,318 --> 00:18:56,685
Was she naughty? I bet she's a hellcat.
364
00:18:57,389 --> 00:18:59,220
- Get help, sir.
- Never mind.
365
00:18:59,290 --> 00:19:01,349
It's better up here.
366
00:19:02,894 --> 00:19:05,226
Mrs. Zeebee's CAT scan came back.
367
00:19:06,197 --> 00:19:08,392
J.D.: Oh, man, this just sucks.
368
00:19:11,302 --> 00:19:16,171
Mrs. Zeebee, unfortunately the cancer
isn't localized just to your breast.
369
00:19:17,242 --> 00:19:19,733
We're gonna have to start chemo
right away.
370
00:19:19,811 --> 00:19:22,211
The most important thing to remember
when you see yourself
371
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,044
in a patient is that
they're not actually you.
372
00:19:43,001 --> 00:19:45,401
In fact, sometimes they're actually
who we wish
373
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,233
we had the courage to be.
374
00:19:47,305 --> 00:19:50,365
You know what?
I'm gonna get through this.
375
00:19:51,509 --> 00:19:53,033
Just you watch.
376
00:19:53,778 --> 00:19:56,303
It's not like I can change
what's already happened.
377
00:19:56,381 --> 00:19:59,748
The only thing to do is move forward
and deal with it, right?
378
00:20:00,084 --> 00:20:01,210
Yeah.
379
00:20:02,020 --> 00:20:04,011
Right then, I knew exactly
what I had to do,
380
00:20:04,088 --> 00:20:06,079
come hell or high water.
381
00:20:08,593 --> 00:20:09,582
(GROANING)
382
00:20:12,197 --> 00:20:14,392
I got your Juanita.
383
00:20:14,999 --> 00:20:18,935
Juanita, huh?
Well, you can Juanita this right there!
384
00:20:24,008 --> 00:20:26,977
- What the hell?
- It's now or never.
385
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:30,140
(EXCLAIMING)
386
00:20:32,884 --> 00:20:33,908
(BOTH SCREAMING)
387
00:20:38,423 --> 00:20:39,583
(LAUGHING)
388
00:20:40,825 --> 00:20:42,952
Are you going to let me down
any time soon?
389
00:20:43,027 --> 00:20:46,121
Not until you spend a little time
acting like a flag.
390
00:20:46,197 --> 00:20:48,563
As I acted like a flag,
I sensed that the janitor
391
00:20:48,633 --> 00:20:51,227
learned nothing from this experience.
392
00:20:58,476 --> 00:21:01,639
Dr. Cox, on the other hand,
got halfway there.
393
00:21:01,713 --> 00:21:03,442
He may always be angry at work,
394
00:21:03,515 --> 00:21:05,881
but he had learned to control himself
when it counts.
395
00:21:05,950 --> 00:21:07,918
Jacky, would you like some hot dogs?
396
00:21:07,986 --> 00:21:09,851
I don't want hot dogs.
397
00:21:12,557 --> 00:21:15,617
Oh, that's okay because we've got
your favorite yogurt.
398
00:21:15,693 --> 00:21:16,682
(KNOCKING)
399
00:21:18,129 --> 00:21:22,088
As for me, I finally came through,
even if it was a little late.
400
00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:24,894
- Can we talk?
- That would be great.
30989
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