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1
00:00:03,387 --> 00:00:06,731
So there we were.
Elliott about to get married.
2
00:00:07,252 --> 00:00:10,466
Me about to have a baby with Kim.
careening toward to kiss.
3
00:00:11,161 --> 00:00:14,878
We're both terrified because either one
of us could back out the last second,
4
00:00:14,879 --> 00:00:17,810
leaving the other kissing the air,
and feeling like a fool.
5
00:00:18,282 --> 00:00:23,830
Ah, the point of no-return. The closing
of the eyes. Time to dive...
6
00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:27,141
Elliott?
7
00:00:28,505 --> 00:00:30,198
JD, what are we doing?
8
00:00:30,762 --> 00:00:31,955
How the hell d'she do that?
9
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,741
Look, what almost happened
in there is not about us.
10
00:00:36,935 --> 00:00:39,019
Of course not. Please... Us?
11
00:00:39,020 --> 00:00:41,379
We were both just on the verge
of making giant commitments,
12
00:00:41,423 --> 00:00:43,769
- and as usual we are freaking out.
- You're right, and you know what?
13
00:00:43,770 --> 00:00:46,020
We can't let fears
screw our relationships.
14
00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:48,687
Who wants to end like Snoop Dogg intern?
- Hey!
15
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,785
- Sorry, Snoop Dogg resident.
- Hey!
16
00:00:51,178 --> 00:00:53,196
- Snoop Dogg attending?
- That's right, baby.
17
00:00:53,452 --> 00:00:56,046
All right. The point is he
hasnt' told Josephine
18
00:00:56,047 --> 00:00:57,931
that she gives him wowsers in his trousers.
19
00:00:58,908 --> 00:01:00,940
Hey, be cool, be cool man.
I'm working on it.
20
00:01:01,283 --> 00:01:04,440
I'm with you dog, just keep it real.
What do we do now?
21
00:01:04,787 --> 00:01:07,668
Nothing. Nothing happened, so we
never have to speak of this again.
22
00:01:08,284 --> 00:01:08,772
Hey!
23
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,382
- Keith?
- Keith?
24
00:01:10,615 --> 00:01:11,366
Keith?
25
00:01:11,963 --> 00:01:13,588
Wait, I was alrady
surprised out loud?
26
00:01:14,132 --> 00:01:16,784
I was lonely at home, so I decided
to come by and say hi.
27
00:01:17,134 --> 00:01:18,059
Oooh!
28
00:01:18,889 --> 00:01:21,110
And then I had one of those
weird, crystallizing moments
29
00:01:21,111 --> 00:01:22,657
when everything becomes so clear.
30
00:01:22,976 --> 00:01:25,048
I mean, I should've been relieved that
Keith haven't shown up earlier,
31
00:01:25,049 --> 00:01:27,016
and walked in on JD and me. But I wasn't.
32
00:01:27,509 --> 00:01:30,093
I wished he had caught us.
'Cause the truth is...
33
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:33,641
I don't wanna marry him.
34
00:01:33,706 --> 00:01:35,396
- Shut up!
- Uuuuuh!
35
00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:37,291
Honestly I think...
36
00:01:37,502 --> 00:01:40,707
I let it get this far because of how much
I wanna be married, you know.
37
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,321
- God, I wanna be married.
- Baby...
38
00:01:45,596 --> 00:01:47,117
Hey, I'm sorry for barging in so late,
39
00:01:47,118 --> 00:01:49,280
I hope I didn't interrupt
anything important...
40
00:01:49,836 --> 00:01:51,825
- Oh...
- Actually, since I'm diabetic,
41
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,371
Carla only lets me eat one
candy bar every 6 months,
42
00:01:54,372 --> 00:01:56,764
so she was helping me choose
which one to go with.
43
00:01:58,331 --> 00:02:01,777
First, we cut out all candy that sounds
remotely racist, which includes
44
00:02:01,821 --> 00:02:04,392
all jerk chocolate,
and I know this sounds weird but,
45
00:02:04,713 --> 00:02:06,454
JoojooBees.
46
00:02:06,789 --> 00:02:10,279
Then Carla was like "What about Junior
Mints?", and I was like... "Junior Mints?"
47
00:02:10,718 --> 00:02:12,953
Baby, if I want my candy
to freshen my breath,
48
00:02:12,954 --> 00:02:15,213
I'd just lap some toothpaste on'em...
watch him to call and ball
49
00:02:15,242 --> 00:02:18,193
and go to town on that bad boy,
you know what I'm saying?
50
00:02:22,568 --> 00:02:25,001
She knows I'm changing the
subject 'cause she's sad.
51
00:02:25,671 --> 00:02:27,587
Come here, come here, Elliot.
52
00:02:28,469 --> 00:02:29,547
Hmmm, hmmm.
53
00:02:31,791 --> 00:02:32,338
No.
54
00:02:33,299 --> 00:02:33,948
Ok.
55
00:02:35,216 --> 00:02:36,404
What did he ask you?
56
00:02:37,322 --> 00:02:39,773
Oh, he just wanted to know if there's
anything I needed.
57
00:02:39,774 --> 00:02:40,943
Elliott?
58
00:02:41,197 --> 00:02:42,989
He asked me if they
still make Mars bars.
59
00:02:49,153 --> 00:02:51,687
Come on Bob, there's an empty
table right there.
60
00:02:51,928 --> 00:02:53,174
I'll leave for 10 dollars.
61
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,324
Pleasure doing business.
62
00:02:58,071 --> 00:02:58,882
Hey, friends.
63
00:02:59,603 --> 00:03:00,739
What, are you bored up there?
64
00:03:00,854 --> 00:03:04,096
- So, how did it go with Keith?
- I haven't told him yet.
65
00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:06,101
His whole family's in town for the wedding,
66
00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:08,846
and so my house is filled as a freaking
Rafters with the Dudemaisters.
67
00:03:09,225 --> 00:03:11,716
You know how my college girlfriend,
Stacy, broke up with me?
68
00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:14,171
She arranged it so that when
I came home from class,
69
00:03:14,172 --> 00:03:17,522
I was able to see her riding in
pleasure beneath a big, brown butt.
70
00:03:18,055 --> 00:03:19,992
How many times do I have
to apologize for that?
71
00:03:19,993 --> 00:03:21,897
I still have nightmares about
your cheeks, Turk,
72
00:03:21,995 --> 00:03:25,455
just bouncing, and bouncing.
Can't sleep.
73
00:03:30,659 --> 00:03:32,706
Ok... now or never.
74
00:03:35,241 --> 00:03:35,897
Keith!
75
00:03:36,546 --> 00:03:38,602
Hey there, future Mrs. Dudemeister!
76
00:03:39,047 --> 00:03:41,687
Actually I'm not sure we decided whether
or not am I taking your last name.
77
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:44,328
You know what? That's not important... Keith,
78
00:03:45,634 --> 00:03:46,968
we need to talk.
79
00:03:47,496 --> 00:03:50,831
- What's the matter?
- I don't even know how to start this...
80
00:03:52,192 --> 00:03:54,999
Keith, I've been thinking...
81
00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:01,141
- I don't feel right watching this.
- It's not just us...
82
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:09,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
83
00:04:12,869 --> 00:04:14,836
That's it.
It's over.
84
00:04:15,098 --> 00:04:16,985
Aww!
85
00:04:17,619 --> 00:04:18,478
Aww!
86
00:04:18,573 --> 00:04:20,543
- JD!
- No, Snoop Dog attending,
87
00:04:20,544 --> 00:04:22,675
finally told Josephine how he feels.
88
00:04:27,197 --> 00:04:29,253
Aww!
89
00:04:29,806 --> 00:04:31,759
Hey, everybody, look. A rainbow.
90
00:04:32,145 --> 00:04:33,711
Aww!
91
00:04:33,712 --> 00:04:35,096
Itasa Scrubs Team proudly presents
92
00:04:35,097 --> 00:04:38,367
Scrubs Season 7 Episode 1
"My Own Worst Enemy" VO subtitles
93
00:04:38,368 --> 00:04:41,815
Transcript: gi0v3, Teorouge, Matters
JDsClone, Supersimo
94
00:04:41,851 --> 00:04:45,486
AKA The ITAlian Scrubs Addicted
95
00:04:45,491 --> 00:04:47,908
Synch & Revision: gi0v3
96
00:04:48,036 --> 00:04:49,485
.::Italian Subs Addicted::.
[www.italiansubs.net]
97
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,999
It had been a while since
my near kiss with Elliot
98
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,989
and the dust was finally starting to settle.
99
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:56,322
- Daddy's home!
- Come here,
100
00:04:56,323 --> 00:04:58,655
check out these big pregnant apple feet.
101
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,365
Wow! Those are truly disgusting.
102
00:05:01,591 --> 00:05:04,133
Right? I missed you.
103
00:05:04,745 --> 00:05:08,322
Elliot had broken up with Keith and
everything looked great from me and Kim,
104
00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:11,338
still, to see how we got there,
I have to go back a week.
105
00:05:12,285 --> 00:05:14,660
One week earlier
106
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:17,490
So, how's Keith?
107
00:05:17,962 --> 00:05:19,587
Carla.
Pig whore.
108
00:05:20,126 --> 00:05:22,486
Better actually.
Used to be "Stupid Pig Whore".
109
00:05:22,562 --> 00:05:24,585
It's only been a few days and he's
already dropped an adjective.
110
00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:27,498
Wow! Maybe by the weekend
you'll just be "whore".
111
00:05:27,643 --> 00:05:30,295
Hey, Kim. I know because I work
we haven't seeing in a while,
112
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:32,272
but do you mind if I grab
a drink with Turk, tonight?
113
00:05:32,370 --> 00:05:33,623
Tell'er my dad died.
114
00:05:33,982 --> 00:05:35,993
Go have fun with your friend.
I'm gonna stand in and eat.
115
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:37,778
Thanks, babe. Bye.
116
00:05:38,301 --> 00:05:40,354
See Turk? Now we can see that dead didine
117
00:05:40,355 --> 00:05:42,276
and go to see the new panda baby at the zoo.
118
00:05:42,739 --> 00:05:46,082
- Oh, It's to late for that. She died.
- Not Ming Ming?
119
00:05:46,428 --> 00:05:50,173
- Her mama sat on her and then ate her.
- Stupid nature.
120
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:53,677
I can't believe I almost messed things
up with Kim. What's wrong with me?
121
00:05:53,961 --> 00:05:55,855
You're an annoying, whining man-child.
122
00:05:56,311 --> 00:05:59,072
- That question wasn't directed to you!
- What question?
123
00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:05,293
Mr. Hotneck, I see here you were admitted
for swollen lymphnode and abdonimal pain.
124
00:06:05,570 --> 00:06:08,258
- I'm also having heart palpitations.
- Oh, I think I can help you with that.
125
00:06:08,259 --> 00:06:11,293
Well, you see, I'm very, very handsome.
126
00:06:11,429 --> 00:06:12,480
I was gonna say.
127
00:06:13,070 --> 00:06:15,196
Beardface, what you say?
128
00:06:15,553 --> 00:06:19,938
It's Beardface'! Why did you people
insist on calling me Beardface!
129
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,214
- Ehm. may I?
- Go for it.
130
00:06:22,485 --> 00:06:24,547
Well, I-I just got here,
but if I had to guess
131
00:06:24,548 --> 00:06:27,528
I would say it's 'cause
your face is... 5/6 beard.
132
00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:29,471
Damn you!
133
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:33,288
Carla, which resident ordered
a CAT scan on Mr. Herschlossning?
134
00:06:33,451 --> 00:06:38,142
That would be me, pig whore, it's on
the note. Oh, can't pig whore read?
135
00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:40,184
Ah, Pig Whore Reid!
136
00:06:40,869 --> 00:06:43,178
See, your last name is Reid,
so it works two ways.
137
00:06:43,477 --> 00:06:45,320
Keith's been totally unprofessional,
138
00:06:45,495 --> 00:06:48,140
And you were supposed to
marry him, last weekend?
139
00:06:48,410 --> 00:06:52,755
Speaking of which, I gave you a
very hied cappuccino maker,
140
00:06:52,756 --> 00:06:54,645
and seeing is there aren't
going to be any nuptials...
141
00:06:54,646 --> 00:06:56,787
- Yeah, yeah. You'll get it back.
- Great.
142
00:06:57,574 --> 00:07:00,335
Keith and I have to work toghether.
How am I supposed to fix this?
143
00:07:00,694 --> 00:07:03,533
You can't. You just gotta let
him hate you you for a while.
144
00:07:03,927 --> 00:07:07,118
No, we can get through this.
I'm gonna talk to him.
145
00:07:08,008 --> 00:07:08,947
Hey, wait a minute.
146
00:07:09,075 --> 00:07:11,600
We've only got one cappuccino
maker and it was from my brother Barry.
147
00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:12,818
Worth the shot.
148
00:07:13,443 --> 00:07:14,987
Sorry, you gonna answer me or not?
149
00:07:15,344 --> 00:07:17,945
Come on, man. You know why you
almost screwed things up with Kim,
150
00:07:18,023 --> 00:07:20,747
- don't make me say it.
- Hi fine. The heart truth rule is in effect.
151
00:07:20,757 --> 00:07:23,835
Only heart truth on me, so you
will wanna me or you'll feel guilty.
152
00:07:23,864 --> 00:07:26,879
- JD, we don't even...
- When you sweat a lot, you smell like eggs.
153
00:07:27,683 --> 00:07:29,228
That's not even true!
154
00:07:30,007 --> 00:07:32,863
- Did Carla tell you to say that?
- No, why, did she think that too?
155
00:07:34,258 --> 00:07:35,399
No.
156
00:07:36,369 --> 00:07:38,450
All right, fine. You wanna know
why you are almost blowed with Kim?
157
00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:40,612
That's because your knocked
her up on your first date,
158
00:07:40,613 --> 00:07:42,970
and before you could get to know her,
she betraded you.
159
00:07:43,885 --> 00:07:45,634
Now you don't have strong feelings for her
160
00:07:45,635 --> 00:07:48,753
and the only reason why you guys are still
together is because there's a kid envolved.
161
00:07:49,393 --> 00:07:53,439
Which means you gonna stick it out with
her till the end whether you love her or not.
162
00:07:54,383 --> 00:07:55,509
I don't know man, I don't think that's true.
163
00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:57,446
I don't think it's about her.
I think it's about me.
164
00:07:57,654 --> 00:08:00,532
I've sabotaged every relationship I've
ever been in. Look at it.
165
00:08:00,669 --> 00:08:04,341
Mole-butt, Tina two-kids,
Rumple-fuggly, Gift-shop Girl.
166
00:08:04,508 --> 00:08:07,583
None of those girls were good
for you anyway. Except for Mole-butt.
167
00:08:08,683 --> 00:08:11,830
- I didn't even know Rumple-fuggly was a girl!
- Stop it! Fug was awesome.
168
00:08:13,746 --> 00:08:16,129
Lyme disease and...
how on Earth
169
00:08:16,130 --> 00:08:19,757
could I possibly have figured out such a
tough diagnosis so darn quickly?
170
00:08:19,964 --> 00:08:23,298
Because I'm that good.
One more time for emphasis...
171
00:08:23,659 --> 00:08:26,462
I'm that good.
Wooooo!
172
00:08:26,815 --> 00:08:29,810
Now I'm gonna have this incredibly
fun-size intern
173
00:08:29,811 --> 00:08:32,743
give you quick body-check
for tick bites, tip-toes?
174
00:08:33,654 --> 00:08:34,907
Oh, she-she's cute.
175
00:08:35,106 --> 00:08:38,719
And once she has found the telltale
bullseye shaped mark
176
00:08:38,906 --> 00:08:41,767
we'll be able to start trigging you.
How does that sound, Mr Hotneck?
177
00:08:42,286 --> 00:08:44,210
Please... call me Joe.
178
00:08:51,104 --> 00:08:53,628
- Gotta get that guy out of here.
- Why? Is he a jerk?
179
00:08:53,721 --> 00:08:56,338
No, I... I think I like him.
180
00:08:56,839 --> 00:08:59,643
- What smells like eggs?
- Nothing sir, you're imagining.
181
00:08:59,963 --> 00:09:02,400
- What's wrong with liking a patient?
- I'm not you.
182
00:09:02,401 --> 00:09:05,767
I don't get to introduce myself to
patients, do a minor surgery,
183
00:09:05,768 --> 00:09:08,612
recommend a good mortician
to family and that just be on my way.
184
00:09:08,613 --> 00:09:11,301
I have to treat people, and If I like them
185
00:09:11,302 --> 00:09:13,509
well, that makes me wanna
work harder much harder.
186
00:09:13,749 --> 00:09:15,707
Really... who has time for that, right?
187
00:09:16,797 --> 00:09:17,362
Seriously...
188
00:09:17,986 --> 00:09:20,451
Am I having a stroke or is
someone making an homelette?
189
00:09:28,630 --> 00:09:29,288
Hey Keith.
190
00:09:29,749 --> 00:09:31,910
You came to your house while
I'm packing all my stuff,
191
00:09:31,911 --> 00:09:33,494
even though you promised not to be here.
192
00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:35,221
Awesome.
193
00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:38,380
Well, you know you can't take my word.
I mean, I also
194
00:09:38,381 --> 00:09:42,042
promised to marry you last
Saturday, right? Right?
195
00:09:43,554 --> 00:09:45,528
I know... too soon. I'm sorry.
196
00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:48,998
But, come on. We loved too-soon jokes.
197
00:09:49,404 --> 00:09:50,748
Come on now.
198
00:09:51,514 --> 00:09:55,531
Let's see the chuckle... Uh? Here it comes...
199
00:09:56,027 --> 00:09:58,940
I think I see it... bubbling up!
200
00:09:59,030 --> 00:10:02,162
You're not making me start laughing.
Because you know that if I start laugh...
201
00:10:03,108 --> 00:10:04,805
You start!
202
00:10:07,869 --> 00:10:10,452
Ok, you know what, this is why
was so easy to walk out on you.
203
00:10:14,161 --> 00:10:17,998
- I finally figured out what's wrong with me.
- You're an annoying whiny man-child.
204
00:10:19,191 --> 00:10:20,836
I'm a self-saboteur.
205
00:10:21,128 --> 00:10:24,958
And not just in relationships. In everything.
But you know what? I'm done with all that.
206
00:10:25,213 --> 00:10:27,676
I'm not gonna shoot myself
in the foot anymore.
207
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,454
- What is it, funsize?
- I checked Mr Hotneck all over,
208
00:10:31,514 --> 00:10:34,089
- but I couldn't find the tick bite.
- Oh my God.
209
00:10:34,476 --> 00:10:36,269
I gotta go figure this out.
I can't believe...
210
00:10:36,270 --> 00:10:39,785
Oh, and by the way, you've a
ridicolous speaking voice, did you...
211
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,339
And even tough I wanted to ask Snoop
how he could spend a second
212
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,378
listening to that voice
without killing himself,
213
00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:49,359
I didn't. Yep! No more bringing trouble
my way by saying things like:
214
00:10:49,637 --> 00:10:51,844
- Who are the flowers for?
- My girlfriend.
215
00:10:52,484 --> 00:10:54,872
- You've a girlfriend?
- Just cause I'm Janitor means
216
00:10:54,873 --> 00:10:57,447
- No woman could possibly
be attracted to me? - Noooo.
217
00:10:57,898 --> 00:10:58,972
Yees.
218
00:10:59,422 --> 00:11:00,714
There she is, right down there.
219
00:11:03,177 --> 00:11:04,867
Really? What's her name?
220
00:11:06,106 --> 00:11:08,719
- Lady.
- Lady?
221
00:11:09,116 --> 00:11:10,610
- You don't believe me?
- Well, let's just say
222
00:11:10,611 --> 00:11:11,706
you've lied to me before.
223
00:11:12,052 --> 00:11:12,661
Watch this.
224
00:11:14,117 --> 00:11:15,356
Hey lady!
225
00:11:19,547 --> 00:11:22,859
Stay there. Don't... Don't come down here.
I'll get these to you later.
226
00:11:24,759 --> 00:11:25,570
You witness.
227
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,173
- Just pick a candy, T-dog.
- Shut up!
228
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,546
You've no idea how
important this is to me.
229
00:11:35,256 --> 00:11:38,703
And then I had this weird...
crystalizing moment.
230
00:11:40,903 --> 00:11:43,989
I realized... I didn't have
to choose the candy.
231
00:11:45,926 --> 00:11:47,728
I could just let the candy choose me.
232
00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:50,056
- So what you get?
- Bit O'Honey.
233
00:11:50,244 --> 00:11:53,173
- Oh! I'm so, so sorry.
- Don't be.
234
00:11:53,608 --> 00:11:55,697
I ate that bad boy and
I own a half going on,
235
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:57,859
I'm still pulling bits of it out of my teeth.
236
00:11:58,378 --> 00:12:00,726
Oh my God, Gandhidiot.
We'd be all be better served
237
00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:02,748
if we fill this patient with the
creamy caramel center.
238
00:12:02,749 --> 00:12:05,213
Then, would you tell me
whether or not he needs surgery?
239
00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:07,848
It's not an acute abdomen,
so it's not a surgical issue.
240
00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:09,606
Why can't anyone figure
out what's wrong with me?
241
00:12:10,169 --> 00:12:11,475
I won't let you down.
242
00:12:13,082 --> 00:12:16,882
- I'm sorry I can't help Mr. Hotneck.
- Oh, please, call me Joe.
243
00:12:21,732 --> 00:12:24,060
I'm so sight to call him Joe.
244
00:12:24,090 --> 00:12:27,424
- He's got this magical quality too.
- Uh, you telling me?
245
00:12:27,946 --> 00:12:29,552
- What can I do to help?
- Gumbo,
246
00:12:29,553 --> 00:12:31,956
I honestly don't know what to do next.
247
00:12:32,508 --> 00:12:33,033
I do.
248
00:12:33,157 --> 00:12:35,702
Some phrases stink, no
matter how the're said.
249
00:12:36,078 --> 00:12:37,843
They can be barked by a sworn enemy.
250
00:12:37,955 --> 00:12:38,841
Get the hell out of here!
251
00:12:42,814 --> 00:12:45,585
Or hissed by a gilted ex stealing a lamp.
252
00:12:46,306 --> 00:12:47,621
Elliot, just get the hell out of here!
253
00:12:49,933 --> 00:12:53,478
Or even plainly stated in a
veteran doctor suading tone.
254
00:12:53,771 --> 00:12:56,204
Goodbye everybody, I'll see you tomorrow!
255
00:12:56,932 --> 00:12:57,916
Not her!
256
00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:02,850
Fellows. If your symptoms have subsided
and you can't find an underline cause,
257
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:07,708
his insurance won't cover. You have to tell
Mr. Hotneck to get the hell out of here.
258
00:13:16,050 --> 00:13:16,688
Hey Joe.
259
00:13:21,269 --> 00:13:23,943
When someone tells you to get the hell
out, you don't have a lot of options.
260
00:13:24,573 --> 00:13:25,587
You can ignore them...
261
00:13:25,776 --> 00:13:26,579
Where are you taking me?
262
00:13:26,774 --> 00:13:29,703
Joe, we're turfing you to dermatology
to buy ourselves some time.
263
00:13:29,704 --> 00:13:31,144
Gandhi, how's that mole looking?
264
00:13:31,926 --> 00:13:33,729
- Nice and cancerous.
- Well done!
265
00:13:35,237 --> 00:13:36,882
Or you can take a more direct approach.
266
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:40,088
- No, Keith. I'm not leaving.
- Oh, awesome.
267
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:42,761
Why does it have to be like this?
268
00:13:44,113 --> 00:13:45,585
I care about you so much.
269
00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:48,596
I don't wanna lose you for my life.
270
00:13:49,205 --> 00:13:53,350
Well, you're going to. Because, from
now on, Pigwhore, you're dead to me.
271
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:04,652
- You did what?!?
- I know... I am a pigwhore.
272
00:14:06,874 --> 00:14:07,722
What am I going to do now?
273
00:14:08,795 --> 00:14:10,943
Would you two kindly shut
your respective cakeholes?
274
00:14:10,958 --> 00:14:13,188
We're trying to figure out
what's wrong with Joe, here.
275
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:14,983
Big news, Sports' Fans!
276
00:14:16,027 --> 00:14:19,061
I decided to start calling
everyone Sports' Fans.
277
00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:23,890
Yeah, I know I'm not exactly the jokey
tipe but I watched Hoosiers last night,
278
00:14:24,093 --> 00:14:27,682
and I like sports now.
Anybody have any objections?
279
00:14:28,366 --> 00:14:30,761
Marjory? Shocking.
280
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,779
You're usually the one who has...
something to say about everything...
281
00:14:35,671 --> 00:14:37,781
I know you're the one who started
the rumor that I like dudes.
282
00:14:39,089 --> 00:14:45,886
Allright, Sports' Fans! I've almost gone an
entire day without sabotaging myself. Hello?
283
00:14:46,254 --> 00:14:47,117
That's it!
284
00:14:48,128 --> 00:14:52,814
Ladies and gentleman. Welcome to the first
annual Sacred Heart "Who-cares-ease" Awards,
285
00:14:52,867 --> 00:14:54,991
designed to honour those people who believe
286
00:14:54,992 --> 00:14:58,634
that others actually give a rat's ass
about the manushia of their lives.
287
00:14:59,415 --> 00:15:01,803
The weird thing was I think
we all really wanted to win.
288
00:15:02,261 --> 00:15:04,303
And the nominees are...
289
00:15:04,964 --> 00:15:08,336
Barby Reid for: "What am I
going to do about my ex-fiancee".
290
00:15:11,149 --> 00:15:15,012
Dame Judy Dorian for: "I'm
done self-sabotaging".
291
00:15:17,963 --> 00:15:20,246
Gandhi for: "I've got
candy in my teeth".
292
00:15:23,392 --> 00:15:25,480
The Todd for: "Look at my new shirt".
293
00:15:25,983 --> 00:15:28,649
SHHH!!!
DONG SLEEPING
294
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,162
And the winner is...
295
00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,000
Dame Judy Dorian!
296
00:15:37,524 --> 00:15:40,445
This is Dame Judy Dorian's
first nomination and first win.
297
00:15:44,801 --> 00:15:47,196
Suck on that, Tony Shalhoub!
298
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:52,070
Perry, why the hell is Hotneck
still here? Put him on the street.
299
00:15:52,303 --> 00:15:55,712
You win. But would you do us a favour and
you deliver the news to Hotneck yourself?
300
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:56,944
I'll be glad to.
301
00:16:00,954 --> 00:16:03,740
Hi. I'm Bob Kelso. Mr. Hotneck, is it?
302
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:05,670
Please, call me Joe.
303
00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:16,618
Think, fellows, think. We have to
figure out what's wrong with Joe.
304
00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:21,102
I've done it! An entire day
without sabotaging myself.
305
00:16:21,327 --> 00:16:23,887
I'm sorry, but I don't
even know who you are.
306
00:16:25,578 --> 00:16:29,903
Ohoh! It seems like a strange thing
for a girlfriend to say, isn't it?
307
00:16:30,376 --> 00:16:32,651
Hold on one second,
I've to grab this. Yello?
308
00:16:33,312 --> 00:16:38,283
Oh yes, he's here. It's the Truth calling.
Wants to know why you never tell it.
309
00:16:38,876 --> 00:16:44,200
Ah! I mean really, who are you?
A necklace of my name on it?
310
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:47,406
The man I met was sweet
but I had no idea how sweet.
311
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,063
Ah! You got to get some! Ah!
312
00:16:55,457 --> 00:16:57,237
Just had to do the phone bid, didn't ya?
313
00:16:58,109 --> 00:16:59,791
- Her name's Lady?
- Yeah.
314
00:17:00,242 --> 00:17:02,044
- Whose name's Lady?
- She is.
315
00:17:02,464 --> 00:17:04,364
She's got a brother named Him,
what do you care?
316
00:17:05,243 --> 00:17:07,969
Seriously, why do you force me
to make your life miserable?
317
00:17:09,064 --> 00:17:10,769
And I really didn't have an answer for him.
318
00:17:11,128 --> 00:17:14,423
You know what I don't have an answer for? Why
I'm going to line-dancing with Keith tonight.
319
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:15,933
Stupid pig-whore.
320
00:17:16,332 --> 00:17:19,269
- JD, you're not that self-destructed.
- Really?
321
00:17:19,929 --> 00:17:21,851
I was gonna suggest
he'd seek professional help.
322
00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:25,140
Would you be interested in
seeing a kindative therapist?
323
00:17:25,576 --> 00:17:26,612
'Cause I know a guy, he's good,
324
00:17:26,770 --> 00:17:28,655
and he give you his card,
then I'm gonna bash your head in.
325
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,689
- I'll see you in the morning.
- Timing at 7.
326
00:17:30,825 --> 00:17:31,652
Well, on it.
327
00:17:32,328 --> 00:17:34,656
Screw it. I'm just gonna marry Keith.
328
00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,366
- Maybe he'll die young...
- When did we become
329
00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:39,311
such ridiculous, pathetic people?
330
00:17:39,513 --> 00:17:41,841
Why do you two think you're
different from anyone else?
331
00:17:42,013 --> 00:17:45,190
JD, I get it my way all the time.
Like this morning, I was getting late,
332
00:17:45,219 --> 00:17:48,929
and I got toothpaste on my upper lip, and
even though I knew Turk was watching,
333
00:17:49,159 --> 00:17:51,314
I didn't wipe it off with
my hand, I went like this:
334
00:17:53,004 --> 00:17:54,108
Huh, 'morning.
335
00:17:55,482 --> 00:17:59,957
And Elliot, I'm sorry but you're not the
first person that ever slept with her ex, ok?
336
00:18:01,084 --> 00:18:03,179
- Is there a point in this?
- Yes...
337
00:18:03,638 --> 00:18:07,715
And pay attention, because I don't
wanna be saying that in 2 weeks:
338
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:13,032
You're bot humans... give
yourselves a break, ok?
339
00:18:25,684 --> 00:18:26,615
Fair enough.
340
00:18:26,735 --> 00:18:30,220
I can't look at these medical books
anymore. We're getting nowhere.
341
00:18:31,812 --> 00:18:35,011
- How d'you do, BeardFace?
- It's Beardface'.
342
00:18:35,725 --> 00:18:38,668
- Beardface'.
- Calm down, Seymour.
343
00:18:39,081 --> 00:18:43,001
If you wanna lose the nickname,
you gotta shave the beard. 'Course,
344
00:18:43,887 --> 00:18:47,544
- then you'd be Doctor Face!
- Ha! Doctor Face.
345
00:18:47,905 --> 00:18:49,009
Damn you all!
346
00:18:49,992 --> 00:18:51,873
I wonder what he's hiding
under all that hair.
347
00:18:52,294 --> 00:18:53,015
That's it!
348
00:18:53,334 --> 00:18:56,878
- What's it?
- Interns are idiots. Ockham's... razor.
349
00:18:59,236 --> 00:19:00,039
There you are.
350
00:19:00,626 --> 00:19:01,999
Uhm, do you wanna go straight out,
351
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,802
or do you wanna go back to our
place, and get some food first?
352
00:19:05,253 --> 00:19:06,581
We have to talk.
353
00:19:07,324 --> 00:19:09,870
Oh, my God, I can't believe
I have to do this again.
354
00:19:10,185 --> 00:19:13,512
- Do what again, babe?
- Well, uhm...
355
00:19:18,426 --> 00:19:22,058
- Feel so bad for them.
- Mwah, me too.
356
00:19:22,801 --> 00:19:26,217
But actually I never really cared
for Keith, or his farm boy looks,
357
00:19:26,218 --> 00:19:27,794
but now it wasn't time for that.
358
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,181
Hey, Kim.
359
00:19:31,721 --> 00:19:34,673
Get your butt home, already. We
haven't seen each other in days.
360
00:19:35,657 --> 00:19:36,648
But you missed me?
361
00:19:36,964 --> 00:19:38,003
Of course I do.
362
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:40,230
But the truth was I didn't.
363
00:19:41,108 --> 00:19:43,661
And then I had this weird,
cristallyzing moment,
364
00:19:44,563 --> 00:19:47,634
you see, there's an ancient principle
you hear a lot about medicine:
365
00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:51,697
that the simplest, most obvious
answer is usually the correct one.
366
00:19:52,117 --> 00:19:53,589
It's called "Ockham's Razor!"
367
00:19:54,738 --> 00:19:57,966
It could mean your first thing think
was right, and it was Leym's disease.
368
00:19:58,252 --> 00:20:02,036
Bullseye!And there's kickpie. Let's put
him on a hundred milligrams of ceftine.
369
00:20:02,037 --> 00:20:03,862
Joe, you're gonna be fine.
370
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,430
Thank you, guys. Sincerely.
371
00:20:07,991 --> 00:20:09,456
Or that your best
friend was right.
372
00:20:09,997 --> 00:20:12,415
And you have to let you
ex-fiancee hate you for a while.
373
00:20:12,963 --> 00:20:14,990
Goodnight, you skanky
scorehair pig whore.
374
00:20:16,011 --> 00:20:17,836
Did you hear all the new adjectives?
375
00:20:18,339 --> 00:20:19,150
Come here.
376
00:20:20,343 --> 00:20:23,587
- You're not scorehair.
- I know...
377
00:20:26,118 --> 00:20:28,634
In my case, it was never
about sabotaging myself.
378
00:20:29,798 --> 00:20:31,231
- Daddy's home.
- Come here.
379
00:20:31,232 --> 00:20:33,395
Check out these big
pregnant hiperfeet.
380
00:20:34,364 --> 00:20:36,474
- Wow, those are truly disgusting.
- Right?!
381
00:20:36,556 --> 00:20:39,132
I missed you.
382
00:20:41,768 --> 00:20:43,713
It was the simple answer,
just like Turk said.
383
00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:45,838
I had knocked up a
girl on our first date,
384
00:20:46,522 --> 00:20:49,157
and I don't have strong feelings
for her, and probably never will.
385
00:20:50,074 --> 00:20:53,010
And the only reason we're still together
is because there's a kid involved,
386
00:20:53,048 --> 00:20:56,006
which means I'm gonna stay
with her, until the very end,
387
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,616
whether I love her, or not.
388
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:02,304
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389
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