All language subtitles for Paddington.2.2017.720p.BluRay.AC3.x264.UNiT3D_track3_eng

Our last rainy season.

Just think, Pastuzo.

This time next month,
we'll be in London.

Where the rivers run with marmalade
and the streets are paved with bread.

Did you read the book about London?

- I skimmed it.
- Oh, Pastuzo!

Well, reading makes me sleepy.

But any city
that can come up with this...

...is all right by me.

Pastuzo, look!

It's... It's a cub!

Lucy!

Lower me down.

Be careful.

Lower, Pastuzo. Lower!

Lucy.

Lucy!

I'm afraid we're not going to London
after all.

Why not?

We've got a cub to raise.

What's he like?

Rather small.

And rather sneezy.

But he likes his marmalade.

That's a good sign.

Oh, yes, Pastuzo.

If we look after this bear,
I have a feeling he'll go far.

Dear Aunt Lucy,

I hope all is well
in the Home for Retired Bears.

Life in London has been
better than ever this summer.

I've really got to grips
with how things work.

Aaah!

And it seems there's something new
to do every day.

Guess what, Paddington.
The steam fair's coming to town.

I'm going along tonight
to write about it in my newspaper.

Who's going to want to read about that?

Everyone. They travel the world
in an old steam train.

I thought you'd love it.

I do. Don't tell anyone, Ok? Not cool.

- Why don't we all go?
- Good idea.

Your father's a dab hand
at the coconut shy.

- Bullseye Brown they used to call him.
- Not any more.

Coconuts are a young man's game.

Well, I think you're in great shape
for a man your age, Mr Brown.

Ah, thank you, Paddington.
Hang on, how old do you think I am?

Oh, er, about 80.

- Eighty?
- At least.

Just a minute, young bear.

Thought I told you
to wash behind your ears.

Oh, but I did, Mrs Bird. I...

I wonder how that got in there.

I really feel at home
in Windsor Gardens.

- Bonjour, mademoiselle!
- Good morning, Paddington.

- I brought you breakfast.
- Thank you.

Your sandwiches
always put me in a good mood.

Morning, Dr Jafri.
Haven't forgotten your keys, have you?

Keys? Keys! Oh, oh!

- Well caught.
- Thank you, Paddington.

You're welcome. Glorious day, Colonel.

Is it? How absolutely thrilling.

How was your date, Miss Kitts?

Well, he wasn't the one,
but you know what they say.

- Plenty more fish in the sea.
- Exactly.

Thank you!

- Morning, Paddington.
- Morning, Mr Barnes.

- Bye, Paddington.
- Au revoir, mademoiselle.

Right, test me.

What's the quickest way
from Baker Street to Big Ben?

Ah, an easy one.

Turn right onto Portman Square. Left...

Everyone has been so kind
and welcoming,

even though they're very busy.

Mrs Brown is planning to swim to France.

It seems an awful lot of hard work

when you can go by boat or plane
or even train. But that's not the point.

She's been cooped up all summer

illustrating a series
of adventure stories

and has decided
she wants one of her own.

Judy has been suffering
from a broken heart.

I'm dumped? I think you'll find
you're dumped, Tony.

Her first reaction was to become a nun.

But she soon got over that
and has thrown herself into a new hobby.

She found an old printing press
at school and is starting a newspaper,

with no boys.

Now all we need is some news.

Jonathan is joining her
at big school this year.

He spent the holidays

building a fully working steam engine.

But I'm not supposed to talk about that
as it's "not cool".

He's got a whole new look

and if anyone asks,
he's now called J-Dog

and he's definitely not
into steam trains.

- Those times...
- But Mr Brown has been busiest of all.

He recently had a surprise at work.

I am delighted to announce
our new head of risk analysis will be...

Mr Steve Visby.

And this has prompted what Mrs Bird
calls "a full-blown midlife crisis".

It involves blending his food,

painting his hair,

and engaging in a process
called chakrabatics.

Open your mind
and your legs will follow.

- Thank you, Paddington.
- Keep up the good work.

Oh, Aunt Lucy,
you sent me to London to find a home,

and it's worked out better
than I ever imagined.

I have a wonderful family.

And have made friends
in all sorts of places.

Here, boy.

There you go, Wolfie.

I do hope if you could see me,
you'd be pleased.

Lots of love, from Paddington.

- Mr Gruber?
- Ah, Mr Brown, come in.

I just had a visit from Madame Kozlova
who runs the fair.

- Oh, yes?
- They were having a clear-out

and found all these old crates
stuffed full with "memory-bilia"

they thought had been lost forever.

She asked me if I would sell it
for them while they're in town.

And it struck me
there might be something in here

for your auntie's birthday.

Oh, good idea.

Ah, look at this!

- It's very nice, Mr Gruber, but...
- I know, I know, it has to be perfect.

Well, since Uncle Pastuzo died,
I'm the only relative she's got left.

And it isn't every day
a bear turns a hundred.

Quite so. Ah!

How about these rolling shoes?

Please, Mr Gruber, be serious.

Perhaps your auntie's rolling days
are behind her.

I think you might be right.

- Oh, what's this?
- Ah!

That must be the popping book.
Very interesting.

Really?

You see,
Madame Kozlova's great-grandmother,

who started the fair,
was also a brilliant artist.

And every time they visited a new city,
she made a popping book

to remember it by.

And this is London.

Oh, Mr Gruber, it's wonderful.

Aunt Lucy always dreamed
of coming to London and...

never had the chance.
But if she saw this...

it would be like she were finally here.

Oh!

Aunt Lucy! Aunt Lucy!

Paddington!

Come with me, Aunt Lucy.

Oh, yes, please.
I want to see everything.

It's just down here.

Get all your racing news
right here.

- Well, what do you think?
- It's wonderful.

Right here, ladies and gents...

All aboard!

One and a half bears, please.

- Mind your step, madam.
- Oh. What a polite young man.

What a polite young pigeon.

It's so echoey. Echoes around.

Sides turning!

Oh, Paddington,
you've made an old bear so very happy.

This is perfect.

- We have a snag.
- Do we?

You see, this popping book
is the only one of its kind.

and they want
rather a lot of money for it.

Oh, well, Mrs Bird found this coin
in my ear at breakfast.

Perhaps there's more.

It would take
more than an earful, Mr Brown.

I'm afraid you would need
a thousand of those coins.

Oh.

Let's take another look at the monkey.
I think he's super-duper.

- Oh!
- I can fix that.

That's very kind, Mr Gruber, but...

Aunt Lucy did so much for me
when I was a cub

and this could be my way
of saying thank you.

I'm going to get a job
and buy that book.

Back in a few minutes,
Paddington. Ciao ciao.

Ciao ciao, Mr Giuseppe.

Good afternoon.
Welcome to Giuseppe's grooming salon.

What can I do for you today, sir?
A shave? A light pomade?

Or is it just a brush?

Quick trim, barber.

Oh, I'm not the barber. I just tidy up.

Yeah, well, that's all I want. Tidy up
the back and sides. Nothing off the top.

- Yes, but...
- No "buts". Come on, man, chop chop.

If you say so, sir.

Oh...

Ah!

On.

G- G-Giuse-e-e-eppe's?

W- W-Would you mi-i-ind
if I call you ba-ack?

I think I ma-ay be about to sha-ave
a customer.

Oh, thanks goodness.

Just putting you on hold!

- But I don't want to.
- It's only a haircut, Nelson.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Come in. Take a seat.

We'll go somewhere else.

No...

Ah!

Well...

Just giving you some product, sir.

Ah, jolly good. Carry on.

All done.

I must say, it's turned out
a lot better than I expected.

What... What the devil's that?

It's, er, marmalade.

Marmalade?

- Hairy marmalade.
- Well, get it off!

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

Oh, yuck! What is the matter with you?

- Paddington!
- Mr Giuseppe. I can explain...

It's really not as bad as it looks.

Have you ever been fired, Mr Brown?

Well, no, but are you quite sure you're
ready for the workplace, Paddington?

It's a tough,
competitive world out there

and I worry a good-natured little bear
might get trampled underfoot.

He's right, you know.
You can't trust anyone.

That's why
I'm doing my newspaper alone.

Darling, is this about Tony?

- No!
- Everything's about Tony.

The reason no one's helping
with your paper is because it's so lame.

Well, at least I'm not pretending
to be someone I'm not.

Nor am I. G-Man!

- J-Dog.
- Spud bounce.

But Aunt Lucy said, "If we're kind
and polite, the world will be right. "

- At least someone's making sense.
- Oh, sorry.

And you're kind, Mr Brown,
and you made it to the top.

I'm nowhere near the top.
I peaked in the middle.

Now my hair's gone grey, my belly's
popped out, and I've started to creak.

Oh!

Doesn't that man live in the big house
on the corner?

- It's Phoenix Buchanan.
- Dad's celebrity client.

He's one of our Platinum Club members.

And a very famous actor.

Or used to be.

Now he just does dog-food commercials.

Mrs Bird doesn't like him
because he can never remember her name.

Now then, simmer down, simmer...
All right, little bit more.

That's enough!
I'm sorry, I'm at my worst tonight.

I really am. I am...

tickled the deepest shade of shrimp

to have been asked here tonight
to open this wonderful old steam fair.

But you know, when Madame kozlova
created this thing all those years ago,

she most certainly was not thinking
of people like me, whatever I am.

VIP, celebrity. I hate all that stuff.
No, no...

West End legend, that's another one.

No, no, she was thinking of you guys?
The ordinary people.

So, I'm going to ask one of you
to come up here and open the fair.

Volunteers? Anyone.

Eeny, meeny, miney...

...bear!

Let's have the young bear. Why not?

- Come, come, young ursine.
- Thank you.

Up here, my furry friend.
Very good, very good.

- Now, your name is?
- Paddington Brown.

Oh, well, of course it is.
You are my new neighbour.

You live with...

Henry and Mary
and the great Mrs...

Now then, I suppose you know who I am.

Oh, yes. You're a very famous actor.

- Oh, pooh.
- Or used to be.

Now you do dog-food commercials.

- Well, a man has to eat.
- What, dog food?

Oh, very, very funny.

Anyway, they do say

that at Madame kozlova's,
all your dreams come true.

So, if you had one wish tonight,
what would it be?

Oh, that's easy. I'd like to get
my Aunt Lucy a birthday present.

Darling.

I've got my eye
on an old pop-up book of London.

Made by Madame kozlova, as it happens.

The only problem is
it's rather expensive.

So I need to get my paws
on an awful lot of money.

Well, I'm not sure
that we can offer you that.

But we can of course offer you

o- o-o-odles of fun.
So, if you would like to lend me a paw,

we now declare kozlova's Steam Fair...

...open!

Thank you, thank you very much.

Wonderful! Thank you.

Wonderful.

Mrs Brown?

Just one moment.
A word in your ear.

This, er, this pop-up book.

- Do you know it?
- I know of it.

But I was led to believe it was lost.
Where on earth did you find it?

Oh, at Mr Gruber's antique shop.

He's keeping it to one side for me
but I really need a job.

I don't suppose you have any advice,
do you?

No. No. No.

I imagine you just have to
start at the bottom of the ladder

- and work your way up.
- Do you know what, Mr Buchanan?

You've just given me
the most brilliant idea.

- Have I?
- I'm going to be a window cleaner.

Ah!

Oh!

Ah!

Ah.

Oh, dear.

Oh...

Hello? Anyone?

Wha...

Hello? Window cleaner.

No, thank you.

Are you sure, Colonel?
They're awfully dirty.

I don't care and I'm not paying.

Perhaps I'll do them anyway.

Good afternoon, Colonel. Are you aware

- there's a bear on your roof?
- Yes.

He seems to be cleaning my windows.

Shall I do
your gutters while I'm up here?

Er, yes. Thank you!

Well, of... of course,
it's not for me to say, Colonel,

but I wouldn't care
to have an undesirable

crawling all over my premises.

And as commander
of your Community Defence Force...

Is that an official position, Mr Curry?

Or have you just bought yourself
a yellow coat?

Got my eye on you, bear!

Sorry.

One more day, Aunt Lucy.

Mr Gruber?

You're not Mr Gruber!

- Clear off!
- Oh, no, you don't.

Stop! Thief!

Come back with that book!

Robbery in progress
at Gruber's Antiques.

Suspect is a small bear
wearing a red hat and blue duffle coat.

Stop!

Come back!

No!

Come on, Wolfie.

Get off it! Go on!

Give that back!

No!

Nice try, bear.

Wolfie.

Toodle-oo!

Oh!...

Come on, boy.

Excuse me. Coming through.

Who are you?

Ooh, dear!

Strike a light!

Ah.

That book is reserved for Aunt Lucy!

Hello there.

Not the snout.

Wolfie!

He-e-e-elp!

Oh, thank you, Wolfie.
Now, come on.

Attaboy.

All right, all right.

- You got me.
- Hand over that book.

'Fraid I can't do that. Cheerio.

But...

Where did he go?

- Hold it right there.
- Oh.

- Thank goodness you're here, Officer.
- Put your... paws in the air.

But... But I'm not the thief.

I was chasing the thief.
And then he... he...

Disappeared in a puff of smoke?

Well, yes.

- Paddington!
- Oh, no!

- What's going on?
- Hold it there. Hang on.

- We're taking him into custody.
- There must be some mistake.

- No mistake, sir.
- What's happened?

- Caught red-handed.
- What?

- Robbing Gruber's Antiques.
- Well, well, well.

The truth is out.

We opened our hearts to that bear.

We opened our doors.

Well, you did. I kept mine triple locked
in accordance with the guidelines.

And all along...
he was robbing you blind.

Paddington!

Oh, no!

- Paddington!
- Oh, dear!

A nice little haul, and no mistake.

Turned out to be quite a stroke of luck,

that bear turning up when he did.

Coppers think he done it.
We're in the clear.

Indeed, Magwitch.

And we gave quite a performance,
you and I.

Just like the old days?

Why the lemon face, Hamlet?

If you have something to say,
I beg you share it with us all.

"It is not nor it cannot come to good. "
Oh, really.

You and your dreary conscience.
Tell me this.

Which would you rather?
That you stand here gathering dust

while I humiliate myself
in a spaniel's costume on television,

or that we all return in glory

in the greatest one-man show
the West End has ever seen?

Bravo!

Oh, thank you, my darlings.
Thank you. Thank you!

Blessings upon you all.

Deepest of bows. Thank you.

I know what you're thinking, Scrooge.
It'll cost a fortune.

But if I'm right, that is exactly
what this book will provide.

This is no dusty antique.

Hidden on every page,
a little lady pointing to a clue.

Find all the clues... we're rich again.

And our dog-food days are done.

Dinner is served, master.

Thank you, Simkins.

If, like me, your doggie
likes to maintain standards,

can I recommend
Harley's Gourmet Dindins?

More taste, more goodness, more...

dare one say... class?

Harley's Gourmet Dog Food.

Not to be consumed by humans.

Court will rise.

Deep breath, Paddington.
Remember what Mr Brown said.

"You're young. You've done
nothing wrong. You'll be fine. "

"So long as you get
a fair-minded judge. "

Order! Order...

- Oh, dear.
- You'll now hear the case

of the Crown
versus Paddington, er... Brown.

Oh, yes, he loved the book.
His heart was set on top of it.

So you discussed how expensive it was?

Yes, but he was earning the money.

I refuse to believe that young Mr Brown
would ever burglarise my shop.

Exactly.

Paw prints

were found here, here and here.

And a substance
later identified as marmalade

was found here.

And is this the same marmalade?

- Yes, it is.
- Oh, no.

Phoenix Buchanan,
do you swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?

May my entrails be plucked forth

and wound about my neck
should I deceive. I do.

Prison is no laughing matter.

And I should know,
I spent three years in Les Misérables.

Mr Buchanan. You live on the same street
as the defendant.

- I do.
- And you were an eye witness

- to the events that night.
- Indeed I was.

I was up late, when I became aware
of a hullabaloo in the street below.

I went to my awards room
which is a... large room

overlooking the newspaper kiosk.

And I saw young Paddington riding
a rather disreputable-looking hound.

Mary Brown drew this

based on the bear's description
of the man he claims he was chasing.

Did you see him

- on the street that night?
- Oh, a handsome devil, isn't he?

- Dazzling eyes.
- Yes, but did you see him?

Your answer will tell us
whether the bear is guilty.

Did you see this man?

Alas...

I did not.

But perhaps he'd already vanished.

I beg you, have mercy on him.
He is but a cub!

Paddington Brown.

Ten years for grand theft...

Oh, but...

...and grievous "barberly" harm.

Follow me.

Oh,...

Mrs Brown usually reads me
a story before bed. I don't suppose...?

Sorry, son. No bedtime stories in here.

Oh.

Dear Aunt Lucy, a great deal
has happened since I last wrote.

There's been a bit of a mix-up
with your present

and the upshot is I've had to leave
Windsor Gardens and move...

somewhere else.

It isn't quite as charming
as the Browns' house,

but it's not all bad.

It's a period property. In fact,

it's one of the most substantial
Victorian buildings in London.

And the security arrangements
are second to none.

I'm only allowed to see the Browns
once a month.

I wonder what they're doing now.

I do hope they don't forget me.

Of course they won't, Paddington.
This is the Browns you're talking about.

They'll sort everything out,

and I'll be able to go home
and get your present,

and everything will be right as rain.

I just need to hold on till then.

D.

The hunt begins.

Three-two-five.

Three-two-six.

Three-two-seven.

Here goes, Paddington. Manners.

Fall in.

Good morning. How would you like
to start a gardening club?

How would you like to be buried
in a very deep hole?

After you.

Spooner, R. Workshop.

Brown, P. Laundry duty.

Right, laundry.

Laundry, laundry... Ah!

Laundry!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, it's only one red sock.

What's the worst that can happen?

Afternoon, chaps.

If you ask me, the... the pink
really brightens the place up a bit.

If you ask me, you should pipe down
and enjoy your dinner,

cos it might be your last.

OK.

Ah, don't worry.
I used to be a restaurant critic.

- It's not as bad as it looks.
- Oh.

It's worse.

- What is this?
- Nobody knows.

But we've been eating it
three times a day for the past ten year.

Why doesn't someone have a word
with the chef?

With knuckles?

Two things to remember
if you want to survive in here.

Keep your head down.

And never talk to Knuckles.

- Thank you.
- Well, I think it's a great idea.

Tell you what, son,
you get Knuckles to change the menu

and we might forget about you making us
look like a bunch of pink flamingos.

- All right then. I will.
- Oh, you don't wanna do that.

Aunt Lucy said, "If you look for
the good in people, you'll find it. "

She obviously never met knuckles.

Excuse me. Mr Knuckles?

Yes?

I just wondered if I could have
a quick word about the food.

Send a medic to the canteen.

You want to...

complain?

- Oh, no, I... I wouldn't say complain.
- Oh, that's a shame.

Because I just love it
when people complain.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

Oh. Well, in that case,
it's very gritty.

- Oh?
- And lumpy.

And as for the bread...

Need I say more?

I think we need to completely
overhaul the menu. Now...

I know we're working to a tight budget,
but we could at least add some sauce.

Oh, sorry about that. I'll just, er...

No, that's just rubbing it in.

Don't worry.
I know what gets ketchup stains out.

Hang on. Was it mustard?

No.

That's just made it worse!

Does anyone know what works on ketchup?

Chaps?

Forget the medic. Better send a priest.

- You listen to me, you little maggot.
- Listening.

- Nobody criticises my food.
- Right.

Nobody squirts condiments on my apron.

- Got it.
- And nobody

bonks me on the head
with a baguette.

- No bonking.
- I'll overhaul the menu all right.

- Really?
- Dish of the day.

- Yes?
- Bear pie!

I don't like it!

- What is this?
- It's a marmalade sandwich.

Marmalade?

My Aunt Lucy taught me to make them.

You mean, you can make this?

- Well, yes.
- Stand aside.

Get up off the floor,
you bunch of yellow-bellies!

Listen to me.
This bear is now under my protection.

- Oh?
- Anyone who touches a hair on his back

will answer to knuckles McGinty.

That's Knuckles with a capital N.

- Thank you, Mr McGinty.
- Don't thank me yet.

I don't do nothin' for no one
for nothin'.

Beg your pardon?

You get my protection, so long as
you make that marmalade. Deal?

Deal.

Somebody's got to recognise him
sooner or later.

You all right, Mr Gruber?

There's something
about this whole business

- that has been tickling my brainbox.
- What is it?

On the night of the robbery,
when young Mr Brown called out,

the thief took to his heels
and ran down the stairs.

Came straight through the shop
and out the front door,

setting off the alarm.

Ah, but that's the thing.
He didn't go straight through the shop.

- No?
- He came all the way over here

to get the popping book.

Why not some jewellery or a vase?

They're much closer. Far more valuable.

He can't know much about antiques.

No. Unless...

he knows something about that book
that we don't.

You may find this hard
to believe, Madame Kozlova,

but Paddington is innocent.

And we think that the real thief
may have broken into Mr Gruber's

just to steal
your great-grandmother's pop-up book.

- The pop-up book?
- I know it sounds far-fetched.

But is there anything
you could tell us about that book?

Anything at all could be helpful.

- That's quite a story.
- Oh, really?

Come with me.

I'll show you where it all happened.

You see, my great-grandmother,
who started this fair,

was the finest show woman
of her generation.

She could tame lions,
breathe fire, swallow swords.

But she was most famous...
for the trapeze.

- They called her the Flying Swan.
- Bravo!

Wherever she went,
she was showered with gifts,

and made a fortune.

But where there is a fortune,
there is also jealousy.

The magician wanted it for himself.

And the Flying Swan...

...became the Dying Swan.

He went to her caravan
and opened her strongbox.

But instead of her treasure,

all he found was one
of her pop-up books.

"Twelve Landmarks of London. "

They had him cornered,
but he vanished.

And neither he nor the treasure
were ever heard of again.

I knew there was something special
about that pop-up book.

Why else would she have kept it
in her strongbox?

You're not telling me
you believed all that guff, are you?

Madame Kozlova drew
12 London landmarks in that book.

Yes?

Well, what if they're not
just landmarks? What if they're...

- I don't know, clues?
- Clues?

- To where she hid her fortune.
- You mean a treasure map?

- Exactly!
- Oh...

And that's why the thief
took it from Mr Gruber's.

First thing tomorrow, we need to go
to every landmark in that book.

See if we can sniff out
anything suspicious.

- Too many adventure stories, Mary.
- What?

She's a fortune teller.

She spun you a yarn. It's what they do.

Honestly, Henry,
you're so closed-minded these days.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- What happened to the man I married?

- He'd have believed me.
- Oh, him.

- He's gone.
- What?

I'm afraid your husband's
just a creaky old man.

- He's not Bullseye Brown.
- Oh, Lord.

Bullseye.

Oh, Henry.

Henry? Henry!

Anyway, the point is,
we're not going to help Paddington

by going on a wild-goose chase.

We're looking for this scruffy chancer,
not some swashbuckling pirate

hunting for buried treasure.

I think there's more to him
than meets the eye.

I think he somehow knew the story
of the Koslova fortune

and is out there right now
trying to find it.

Well, Grandfather,

tonight we go in search
of clue number two.

The setting,

St Paul's Cathedral.

But how to slip in unobserved.

Enter Sister Isabella.

Wakey-wakey.

Marmalade time.

There you go, lads. Good luck.

- Mr McGinty?
- What do you want?

Well, the thing is,
I'm actually innocent.

And I wondered if you had any advice

on how to clear my name,
now that we're friends.

Friends?
I'm your boss, not your buddy.

Oh. Well, after you.

Why? So you can stab me in the back?

No. Because it's polite.

Aunt Lucy said, "If we're kind
and polite, the world will be right. "

You were ahead of me
and now you're behind.

That makes you a sap.

Ingredients are over there.

Aren't you going to help?

Nope. Now get on with it.

But there's 500 hungry prisoners
coming for breakfast.

So we'll need a thousand juicy oranges.

Oh, and rule number one: no talking.

Rule number two.

No humming.

- But...
- Or singing.

- I...
- Or any other expression of bonhomie.

Oh, dear.

Ooh, that's heavy.

Come on,
put your back into it.

Oh!

Help!

These sacks are awfully heavy.

- Well, take them one at a time, then.
- Right.

One at a...

...time.

One juicy orange.

Two juicy oranges.

Three juicy oranges.

- Four juicy...
- Now what are you doing?

Taking them one at a time.

One sack at a time!

I'm sorry. I'm finding this
a very stressful working environment.

- Aunt Lucy said...
- Aunt Lucy!

- I've had it up to here with Aunt Lucy!
- Oh!

She sounds like a proper old bag to me.

I beg your pardon?

I said...

your Aunt Lucy sounds like
one of the most naive,

gullible, mushy-brained...

What's going on?

Why are you looking at me like that?

It's awful hot in here.
Are you hot? I'm hot.

Did I leave the oven on?

It's called a hard stare.

Aunt Lucy taught me to do them
when people had forgotten their manners.

You don't have to tell me
about hard stares.

I practically invented them.

Pretty good for a bear though,
I'll give you that.

Now, Mr McGinty,

I may look like a hardened criminal
to you, but I really am innocent.

And if you're not going to help me
clear my name,

you could at least
help me make this marmalade.

All right, I'll help.

- Thank you.
- Not gonna be much use to you though.

These weren't exactly made for cooking.

I don't know.

Looks to me like you've got yourself
a fine pair of orange squeezers.

Orange squeezers?

Good.

No. Better.

Tomato. Lovely.

Yes. Spot on.

Now, we have to be very careful
with knives.

Aunt Lucy said that sensible bears...

Where on earth did you learn
to use a knife like that?

You don't wanna know.

Well, it's jolly good.

Now?

Now.

- Right, it's time for the sugar.
- OK.

That's what turns the juice
into marmalade.

- How much?
- Ooh, a lot.

Same again.

Ah.

A squeeze of lemon. A pinch of cinnamon.

And just a bit more sugar.

Well, is it good?

Ooh, it's too soon to tell.
We'll only really know once it's set.

Designed by Sir Christopher Wren,

St Paul's Cathedral is one
of London's most famous landmarks.

Sadly the Great Dome
is closed to visitors today

as one of its statues was destroyed
in a bizarre accident last night.

- But if you follow me this way...
- Excuse me, what happened here?

- A nun went berserk.
- Really?

It happens.

The police have rounded them all up
for questioning.

Hold it there, Sister!

You're going nowhere
till the detective says so.

Spin it around!

Mind you, if you ask me,
the real culprit slipped the net.

What makes you say that?

Cos I saw her, that's what.

I was on patrol in the Upper Dome,
watching the nuns parade far below,

when something caught my eye.

One of them broke free from the herd.

and made her way
to the Whispering Gallery.

Only the good Lord knows
what she was doing up there.

C.

But she was never
gonna get away with it.

Not while I'm vice deputy head
of security.

Attention all units,
an unusually attractive nun

is causing mayhem in the cathedral dome.
Activate emergency protocol.

Stop that stunning sister!

I set off at lightning speed.

But by the time we'd locked the place
down, she'd vanished into the night.

- Good evening, my son.
- Oh, er, good evening, Your Grace.

Good evening.

Most beautiful woman I've seen

in a lo-o-o-ong time.

Do you think you might be able
to describe her?

It would be my pleasure.

Gentlemen, for breakfast this morning,

Chef McGinty would like to propose
an orange marmalade...

...served on a bed

of warm crustless bread

topped with another piece
of warm... crustless bread.

Bon appétit!

Two choices: take it or leave it!

Are you all right, knuckles?

Yes!

Why don't you come and join the others?

Don't want to.

- Are you scared what they might think?
- No!

What do they think? Did they like it?
Did they say anything?

- What did they say?
- Well...

They hated it! I knew it!

My father always said
I'd amount to nothing and he was right!

Knuckles. Knuckles!

- What?
- Come and look.

Come on.

Paddington.

I've a strange, warm tingle
in my tum-tum.

I think that's called pride, Knuckles.

Well, I don't like it.

Have...
have you got anything else?

- What?
- You know, for,... pudding?

- No!
- Fair enough.

I'm afraid we only know
how to make marmalade.

But if you have any recipes...

This lot? You're wasting
your time there, Paddington.

They wouldn't know
their pectin from their paprika.

Well, my grandmother
used to do a lovely chocolate roulade.

I think I can remember the recipe.

Charley Rumble
makes a mean apple crumble.

And I can make
a strawberry panna cotta...

...with a pomegranate glaze.

Oh, I like the sound of that.
Don't you, Knuckles?

- Yeah!
- Come on, then.

Let's get cooking.

Thank you, Phibs.

- There you go, Paddington.
- Ooh, knuckles.

I want those petit fours now!

Er, excuse me, Professor.

- What would Aunt Lucy say?
- "Always use a cake fork. "

Well, then.

- Care for a taste, warden?
- Thank you, Paddington.

Butterscotch!

And it turns out the monster

wasn't such a monster after all.

And they all became the best of friends.

The end.

Time for bed, you lot.

You need your beauty sleep.

It's visiting day tomorrow.

Visiting day?

I do hope you have good news.

In the past month,
these three shadowy individuals

have all been seen
snooping around three London landmarks.

- Oh.
- We think the thief you saw

- is part of a criminal gang.
- Using the pop-up book

- as a treasure map.
- Well, it's a theory.

- Have you found out who they are?
- Not yet, dearie.

Maybe I should take a look.

I'm sorry,
this is a private conversation.

Oh, it's all right, Mr Brown,
this is my friend, Knuckles.

- How are you?
- This is Phibs.

- G'day.
- Spoon.

- Hello.
- Jimmy the Snitch.

- All right?
- T-Bone.

- Wotcher.
- The Professor. Squeaky Pete.

- Double Bass Bob.
- Hello.

- Farmer Jack.
- How do?

- Mad Dog.
- Woof!

- Johnny Cashpoint.
- Kerching!

- Sir Geoffrey Willcot.
- I hope I can rely on your vote.

And Charley Rumble.

Oh, it's so wonderful to meet you all.

I must say, it's a great relief

to know that Paddington's already made
such sweet friends.

Would you excuse us a moment?

- What are you doing?
- Talking to the nice men.

Nice men?
Mary, we can't trust these people.

I mean, look at them.
Talk about a rogues' gallery. Hideous!

As for that bearded baboon in the
middle, he's hardly got two brain cells

- to rub together.
- We can still hear you, Mr Brown.

That was the light you turned off.

The microphone is on the other side.
It's got "microphone" written on it.

Gentlemen,
if I have offended you in any way...

Don't worry about it.
We're fond of the little fella.

And let's face it, if anyone
can recognise a criminal gang, it's us.

We'd be grateful for any help.

- Please.
- Well? Knuckles?

I'm afraid I don't recognise
any of them. Lads?

I'm afraid I couldn't possibly comment.

Sorry to say it, kid,

but your friends
are barking up the wrong tree.

A nun, a beefeater and a king?

Sounds more like a fancy dress party
than a criminal gang.

Then...

what are we going to do now?

Oh!

- Watch where you're going.
- So sorry. Sorry.

Sorry, I get grumpy
when I haven't had breakfast.

Keys... keys. keys!

Bottoms!

- Turn left...
- You can't park here!

I'm not parked, I'm doing the bins.

You're not doing the bins, sunshine.

You're studying on council time.

I'm gonna report you. And your hat.

- Morning, Miss kitts, Colonel.
- Oh, morning, Mrs Brown.

Judy asked me to drop these off to you.

Propaganda!

You are wasting your time
trying to peddle that rubbish.

Everyone round here
knows it was your bear that done it.

And this street
is a far, far better place without him.

What?

It's that mangy dog!
You are going to the pound, my son.

Barking without a licence
in a built-up area.

- Give 'em here.
- I'll ticket you!

I have to sell them under the counter
for obvious reasons,

but people are buying 'em.

- Really?
- It's a bloomin' good read.

Made a few people round here think twice
about your young bear.

You just need to find that thief.

Oh, we're trying.

Don't suppose you know where he is,
do you, Feathers?

He's behind you.

- Sorry, what?
- Coo-ee!

- Mary?
- Oh, hello, Phoenix.

Why don't you come on in?

I want to hear all about
the investigation. Yeah?

Mysterious things
have been happening all over town.

Oh, yes?

Strange characters turning up
at every landmark in that book.

- Are they?
- I don't know.

Perhaps it's just a coincidence.

Henry says I let my imagination
get the better of me.

Well, you're an artist, Mary, like me.

Our imaginations run free
like bison upon the plain.

But can I just say,
in this particular case,

I think dear old Henry
might have a point.

- Do you?
- But, I do have

a little bit of good news
that might turn your frown upside down.

- Oh, yes?
- It looks...

fingers, fingers, fingers,

as though the funding may be
coming through for my one-man show.

- Oh. Right.
- It's an evening of monologue and song,

featuring some of
my better known characters.

Would you like a little preview?

Picture this scene.
Darkness, then suddenly, spotlight.

Me... ping!

Oh, Mary, you look sad.
You don't like musicals?

No. No, no, no.
I suppose it just seems so unfair.

Paddington's in prison and yet...

- life carries on.
- Oh, I know.

It must be so hard to accept
that he won,

that man with the dazzling blue eyes.

I beg your pardon?

The man in the poster.
Your wonderful drawing.

Yes, but...
how do you know he had blue eyes?

It's just a pencil sketch.

Well, I must have coloured him in.

- Yeah.
- Phoenix Buchanan?

He's a master of disguise.

- She's gone mad.
- Think about it, Henry.

Someone out there knows
about the kozlova fortune, right?

Alleged fortune.

knuckles said we weren't looking
for a criminal gang.

- Knuckles?
- Because there was no gang.

- It was one man.
- Feathers knew all along...

Feathers? Who's Feathers?

- The parrot at the news-stand?
- No...

Can we just return to Planet Earth
for a moment?

Phoenix Buchanan is a highly respected,
award-winning actor

and a member of our Platinum Club.

- He is not a petty thief.
- Hang on a minute, Henry...

But let's just assume I'm wrong,
shall we?

- OK.
- And that the fortune teller,

career criminal and parrot are right.

May I remind you
that you don't actually have any proof?

- Er...
- Now, if anyone wants me,

I shall be putting up posters.

He's right.

Well, I believe you, Mary.

Actors are some of the most evil,
devious people on the planet.

- Are they?
- They lie for a living.

Crikey.

- If we're gonna catch one...
- Yes?

...we're gonna need a foolproof plan.

Oh.

- Paddington?
- Oh.

Paddington?

knuckles?

Got a proposition for you, kid.

Me and the boys have been talking
and seems to us,

if you're gonna clear your name,
you're gonna need our help.

The Browns may mean well but...

It takes a thief to catch a thief.

Now, if we could figure a way
out of here and hit the streets,

we'd find this guy soon enough.

But that would mean... escape.

It certainly would. And we got a plan.

But it's a four-man job
so we need your help.

What do you say, kid?

It's very kind of you, knuckles, but...

I don't think Aunt Lucy
would like the idea of us...

breaking out of prison.

The Browns will find the real thief.
I just need to be patient.

You may not wanna hear this, kid,

but sooner or later, the Browns, well...

they'll forget you.

They always do.

They'll miss one visit.

Then two.

Before you know it,

you won't have a home to go back to.

You're wrong, Knuckles.
You're all wrong.

The Browns aren't like that.

They'll come tomorrow
and they'll have good news.

You'll see.

Hello?

It's Judy Brown
from The Portobello Express.

Come in.

So what's this for, darlings?

- School newspaper?
- Yes.

We thought the agent of the Phoenix
Buchanan would be really interesting.

And you'd be right.

But I've got two minutes,
so we better make it snappy.

And I've only given you that
because you've brought breakfast.

Nice buns, by the way.

Here he comes.

Hello, Joe. What a surprise!

What are you doing here?

Posting letters. How's Paddington?

- Oh, he's a tough wee bear.
- Yeah, he is. Well, send him my best.

- I will. Thank you, Joe.
- Bye.

Bye-bye.

Mr Buchanan.

So, when can we expect to see
Mr Buchanan back on stage?

Phoenix? Oh,
I wouldn't hold your breath, darling.

No, no, no, don't get me wrong.
He's a terrific actor.

- But there is a teensy little problem.
- Really?

He won't work with other people.
Thinks they "dilute his talent".

Miss Fanshaw.

Oh, I must scoot.

We're having lunch
with a big Broadway producer.

- Oh, where are you going?
- The Ritz, darling!

Really nice buns.

Well, good heavens!
Come. Come.

The package
has been delivered.

Repeat. The package has been delivered.

Barkridge's, no less.

Lucky, lucky Phoenix.

- Hello?
- Phoenix.

Felicity! What a lovely surprise.

I was beginning to think
you'd lost my number.

I've got two minutes,

so we better make it snappy.

OK...

We're having lunch

with a big Broadway producer.

Well, wonderful news. Yes, yes!
Where does one go?

The Ritz, darling!

I am on my way.

Nice buns, by the way.

I beg your pardon?

Really nice buns.

Thank you, darling.

I've never had any complaints
about Mr and Mrs Botty-cheek.

Yes!

Gloves. Keys.

And exit.

Mary?

Where all your dreams come true?

Open the window.

- Hello, darling.
- Have you gone insane?

I know it's Phoenix
and I'm going to prove it.

This is breaking and entering!

We haven't broken anything.

Why would Phoenix want to steal
a pop-up book? He's a millionaire!

That's where you're wrong.
He owes money all over town. Look.

So he's got a few bills.
I mean, everyone...

Good grief,
the man spends a lot on face cream.

He hasn't got a penny to his name.
Now come on.

Let's find that book
and get out of here.

Cravat.

- Well?
- Nothing.

We must be missing something.

Unless there's nothing to find.
Now can we please go?

- Look, Henry.
- What?

The carpet.

Yes, it's lovely.
I'll order a swatch.

- Give me a leg-up.
- Oh...

Quick, quick, quick, quick.

Yes!

A secret room.

- It's an attic.
- A secret attic.

It's an ordinary attic.

Every house in the street has one.
I mean, look,

it's just a perfectly normal...
Oh, my God, he's a weirdo.

Look, Henry.
The nun. The thief. The king.

We were right!

Sorry. We?

Well, well, I mean, I, I never...

- Quick!
- Get down, get down.

Quite frankly, ravishing!

Hello?

Who goes there?

Reveal yourself.

Henry?

Hello, Phoenix.

What on earth are you doing here?

I might ask you the same thing.

Well, I live here. It's my house.

And I... insure it.

And for our Platinum Club members,
we perform

an annual free home inspection
to verify your security arrangements.

In your pyjamas?

With your wife?

So that all seems pretty secure.

- Oh, hello, Phoenix.
- Mary.

- Didn't hear you come in.
- She helps out when we're busy.

Oh, well, that sounds entirely...

- plausible.
- Does it? Great!

Well, I'm delighted to say
that everything seems tickety-boo.

Wonderful.

So, I'll nip back to the office
and get the boys to type that up ASAP.

- And we'll hope to see you soon.
- Indeed.

Perhaps next time not in your pyjamas.

- He's such a silly one.
- Ciao, now.

Oh, thank Larry it's there.

Thank Larry, Johnny
and all the ghosts of the avenue.

Yeah, well, that was close,
weren't it?

Too close, if you ask me.
Hold your nerve, Macbeth.

Screw your courage to the
sticking place. We are so nearly there.

I have followed this lady
through the whole of London

and collected every one
of her clever little clues.

Aye. But what do they mean?

It's just a jumble of letters, ain't it?

Au contraire, mon ami.
They are not letters at all.

They are... musical notes.
Indeed, Poirot.

And I believe I know
just where to play them.

Hold it!

That is an amazing story.

But all you can actually prove

is that Phoenix Buchanan
keeps his old costumes.

Bring me some hard evidence.

Bring me the book with his fingerprints
on and then you've got a case.

But until then,
there's nothing I can do.

- I'm sorry.
- What?

Where she's... where's she going?

- What do we do now?
- I don't know.

Well, at least we can tell Paddington
we know who did it.

- Oh, no.
- What?

- Oh, we've missed visiting.
- Oh.

Paddington...

Paddington!

Aunt Lucy.

- Aunt Lucy!
- Paddington.

What are you doing here?

I thought you'd be at home.

I'm afraid I don't have one any more.

You see, I'm in prison.

And even the Browns have forgotten me.

Paddington.

knuckles?

Tonight's the night.
We leave at midnight.

You wanna clear your name,
it's now or never.

You in?

I'm in.

Right.
Time to call it a night.

Not much going on here anyway.

They've been good as gold recently.

Lights out.

Ah!

Ooh, sandwiches.

- Paddington!
- Coming.

Good luck, little bear.

This is the life, lads.

Freedom!

Bring her down, Spoon.

There she is, boys.
Our ticket out of here.

What do you mean?
Where are we going?

- Might as well tell him, knucks.
- Tell me what?

- Aren't we going to clear my name?
- Sorry, kid. Change of plan.

What?

- We're leaving the country.
- And you're coming with us.

But... you lied to me

Oh, hey, now, it wasn't like that.
We were doing you a favour.

If we told you the truth,

you'd never have come along,
and it's better this way.

We are gonna make marmalade together.

But I don't want to, Knuckles.

I want to clear my name and go home.

And you said you'd help.

You promised.

Sorry, kid.

No can do.

Paddington!

Let him go.

If he wants to get himself arrested,

that's his choice.

- Hello.
- Hello, Jonathan.

You've reached the Brown residence.

- We're not here now.
- But leave a message.

Hello, it's me... Paddington.

I hope you don't mind my calling.

I just wanted to let you know
I've broken out of prison, and, well...

I suppose I'm on the run.

I didn't really mean to but...

Knuckles said that if we broke out,
he'd help clear my name

and then I could come home.

But he's gone now and I'm on my own.

I don't really know why I'm calling.

I suppose I just wanted to say...

...goodbye.

- Oh! Hello?
- Paddington?

Yes. Yes, it's Paddington!

I'm so sorry I escaped, Mrs Brown,
but I thought you'd forgotten me.

Oh, we'd never forget you, Paddington.

- Paddington?
- You're family!

We know who the thief was.

- It's Phoenix Buchanan.
- Mr Buchanan?

But he's disappeared into thin air.

We've been looking for him
at every landmark in that book.

Every last page.

"Where all your dreams come true. "

Why do you say that?

Oh, it was written on the last page
of the pop-up book.

- Always made me think of Aunt Lucy.
- That's very bizarre.

Is it?

I found that exact same phrase on
a scrap of paper in Phoenix's house.

- Really?
- I'm sure I've seen that before.

Look.

- "Where all your dreams come true. "
- The organ?

That must be where
Madame Kozlova hid her fortune.

- Let's get to the fair.
- It's too late. They're leaving today.

- From Paddington Station.
- At 6:35.

- There's still time.
- Paddington, head for the station.

If we can find Phoenix
and get hold of that book,

his fingerprints will prove everything.

But that's miles away, Mr Brown. I...

I'll see you there.

Clear the road!

This is a refuse emergency!

Sorry!

Fellow citizens,
I've just received intelligence.

The bear has escaped
and may be heading this way.

I have raised the neighbourhood
panic level to "wild hysteria".

Get out of the way, Mr Curry!

Paddington's not coming this way!

He's gonna clear his name.

- And we're gonna bring him home!
- We don't want him here.

No, of course you don't. You never have.

As soon as you set eyes on that bear,
you made up your mind about him.

Well, Paddington's not like that.

He looks for the good in all of us
and somehow, he finds it.

It's why he makes friends
wherever he goes.

And it's why Windsor Gardens
is a happier place whenever he's around.

He wouldn't hesitate
if any of us needed help.

So stand aside, Mr Curry,
cos we're coming through!

Nice try, Brown.

Your plan seems to have stalled.

Like your vehicle.

Try the choke. Go on, try the choke.
You're flooding it.

- Clutch down, second gear, Mr Brown.
- What?

- What you doing?
- After three.

- What's going on?
- Three.

You're illegally perambulating
on a public highway.

Put your backs into it.

Do not push that vehicle!

Bring Paddington home.

- Thank you.
- Go, go, go! Oh!

Right, Paddington, stay low
and remember, you're a bin.

You're a bin. You're a bin.
Just an ordinary bin going for a walk.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Nothing to see here,
Officer. Just a bin.

Quite good being a bin.

Gentlemen.

Paddington!

Mr Brown!

Quickly, he's on board!

Don't worry, I'll handle it myself!

We've gotta catch up with that train.

But how?

I've got an idea.

Good morning, madam, sir.
Welcome on board.

- Fine. Thank you.
- May I offer you a glass of champagne?

- Oh! Thank you. Very civilised, yes.
- Thank you so much. Very kind.

Nice to have a break after all I've been
through with that beastly bear.

Boiler pressure, two-two-five.
Water, half a glass.

- Air brake, off.
- Nice work, J-Dog.

My name's not J-Dog.
It's Jonathan Brown.

And I like steam trains.

Oh! Oh, for goodness' sake.

- I'm so sorry.
- Get off!

- Ssh, ssh.
- Stop it, stop it!

Don't shush me, Gertrude.

I have just been spilled upon
by a chilled liquid.

Gerald. I want you to shush.

Yes, Gertrude.

...news from the BBC.

Four convicts made a daring escape
from Portobello Prison last night.

The prisoners all appear to have
vanished without a trace...

...except Paddington Brown,
who was seen boarding a fair train

bound for Bristol. Police are closing in

and expect to make an arrest soon.

Poor little fella.

Must be somewhere down there right now.

Shouldn't we help him, Knuckles?

How? We go back down there,
they won't just lock us up,

- they'll throw away the key!
- I know, but... he's our friend.

Stick to the plan.

I don't do nothin' for no one
for nothin'.

Well, Grandfather.

The moment of truth.

D.

D.

A. A.

The book.

Ah!

- What's he doing?
- I don't know.

- Paddington!
- He can't hear us.

- Can this thing go any faster?
- I can try but I need more coal.

- I'm on it.
- Pull alongside. I'm going across.

- I'll come with you.
- Judy!

Just you try and stop us!

Come on, then!

- You ready?
- Yep.

Go!

Open your mind
and your legs will follow.

- Mr Brown!
- Mrs Bird!

C.

And finally... E.

It works!

Hello.

Aren't you pretty?

West End, here I come.

M- Morning.

No!

What was it? Er, D. F.

D.

Come back with that book!

Where do you think you're going, bear?

It's a train. It comes to an end,

like all of us, alas.

Oh.

Exit bear, pursued by an actor...

Phoenix Buchanan.

Mrs Bird?

Oh, so now you remember me?

Well, I never.

The cavalry.

An old crone, a little girl
and an insurance man.

What am I going to do?

I'll tell you exactly
what I'm going to do.

I'm going to bloomin' well
biff you on the nose.

Not a very good idea.

Stage combat, level four.

Well, where I come from, laddie,

they teach you never
to bring a knife to a gunfight.

I think you'll find
that fires plastic darts.

So it does.

Whereas this sword looks very sharp.

Back you go. All of you, back.

And for you, sir, the jumbo pavlova.

Enjoy.

Oh, hello, Your Honour.
The hair is looking lovely.

Paddington!

Mrs Brown!

Ah. I've got an idea!

Good. Good. Excellent.
Now for your furry friend.

Slow down, Jonathan.

Coo-ee!

What a clever little plan.

Don't worry. I know a wee trick

Harry Houdini used to do.

Jump, Paddington! I'll catch you.

No!

- Ah!
- No!

Bye-bye, bear.

Bull's-eye!

Stop the train, Jonathan!

Let's go, lads.

Ah!

knuckles, you came back.

- Can't make marmalade on my own, can I?
- Thank you, everyone.

Paddington?

- He's burning up.
- Better get the little fella to bed.

- Mum!
- Paddington!

He's not well.

Don't worry, he's gonna
be fine. Aren't you, little buddy?

- Paddington!
- Where am I?

Take it easy now.

You gave us a wee scare,
but you're home now.

- Home?
- That's right. Look.

The police realised
they made a terrible mistake.

Phoenix Buchanan has been arrested,
and I might add,

is no longer a member
of our Platinum Club.

- Then...
- You're a free bear.

- How long have I been asleep?
- Three days.

Three days? But that means...

- It's Aunt Lucy's birthday.
- And I never sent her anything.

- It's all right, Paddington.
- But it isn't all right, Mrs Brown.

You see, Aunt Lucy did so much for me
when I was a cub.

Without her,
I'd never have come to London.

And, I suppose all I ever really wanted
was to make her proud.

But now she's going to wake up
on her birthday with no present

and think I've let her down completely.

Oh, you great goose!
She won't think that at all.

Won't she?

Come with us.

Here he is!

What are you all doing here?

- We wanted to say thank you.
- Thank you?

- For everything you've done for us.
- Yes.

If it wasn't for you,
we'd never have met.

You helped me pass my exam.

I would be permanently
locked out of my house.

I'd say you've rather a lot
to be proud of.

Oh.

When we heard the police
wanted the popping book for evidence,

we thought we'd find Aunt Lucy
another present.

So we all clubbed together.

I pulled in a few favours
from my old Air Force chums.

And we think she's going to love it.

But... what is it?

You wanted to get that book so
Aunt Lucy could see London, didn't you?

It was always her dream.

Well, we thought,
why look at London in a book

when she could see the real thing?

Why don't you go and answer that?

Oh.

Oh.

Paddington.

Happy birthday, Aunt Lucy.

Phoenix Buchanan.

You have proved yourself
to be a heinous criminal...

...and a disgrace
to the noble profession of acting.

I sentence you to ten years

and I suggest that you use
your time behind bars wisely.

I shall.

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, it seems I didn't need
the West End after all. Just...

a captive audience.

What am I like? Guards, lock me up!

Oh, wait, you have.