Original subtitles

My dad was a rock.

6:58am.

Uh-oh. Late already.

Which was a good thing, since he ran his own law firm,

was newly single in his 50's,

and had just gotten a guide dog.

Elvis... What are you...

Okay. Well.

Casual Friday on a Monday, I guess.

But he handled all the stress in his life, like a pro.

- Plus everything we threw at him. Like... - Dad.

I don't understand why I can't get a job.

Good morning. And you have a job. It's to studying, get good grades

and you can afford to put in a little overtime.

Anthony's place is hiring. I get to spend more time with my boyfriend.

- Not helping your case. - I make my own money.

You shouldn't have to pay for things, like eyelash extensions.

I won't. Because you're not getting them. Or a job.

Why are you always like this.

Cause I'm your dad. Love you.

Come on, Henry.

- Stop dragging your feet. - I certainly wasn't helping matters.

I don't wanna go to school. Mr. Izerten's making us take another quiz.

- He's got such a stick up his... - Uh-uh.

I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you, young man.

This is why I don't like you hanging out with those older boys.

I was gonna say... Stick up his nose.

Uh-huh.

Clearly, you think I have my head up my nose.

- Good morning, Mel. - Morning, Joyce.

Oh, just an fyi...

I'm expecting my first round of grades this afternoon,

and I'm a little nervous,

so don't expect too much from me, work-wise.

Well, good luck with the grades

and don't expect too much from me, pay-wise.

And the copier ate some papers.

They looked sort of contract-y.

- Just thought you should know. - No problem.

- The man was a rock. - That was no secret.

And the people

from blah and blah publishing called.

Barr and Ross?

They want to hire the bulldog with the guide dog.

Get ready to work twice as much as you already are.

Bring it on!

The secret was that sometimes

even the hardest rock can crumble.

Oh, my back.

But dad didn't want us to know that.

He never wanted anyone to worry about him.

Mel, are you okay? I heard a thump, thump.

Never better.

Okay.

☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯ ❃www.addic7ed.com❃

And that's why as therapists we must strive to...

actively listen.

Actively listen.

I give up. Your grade should be posted. Have at it.

Oh, my God. I got all "A"s.

I got straight "A"s.

Wait. Do "A"s still mean the same thing

they did in the early '90s?

Congratulations, Joyce. You're on your way.

Before you know it, you're gonna be a therapist.

But shh.

Most of these people won't.

Wow.

A therapist.

This is really gonna happen.

This is really gonna happen.

I'm locked in.

Dad said stay away from the eighth-graders,

but look at them... they're so cool.

I heard Jake shaves.

I heard his bedtime's, like, 11:00 P.M.

- What's up? - What you got?

She was at the school bake sale.

I just pretended I was texting, got some good shots.

- Nice. - The old text-and-shoot trick.

Good job.

Wait...

That's my mom!

Oh, my God.

Fisher, your mom's a milf!

Yeah, she is.

Come on, guys, let's go.

What's a milf?

Okay, you're not going to like it.

It's a little degrading.

It means "mom I'd like to feel up."

When I saw all those "A"s,

it just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I saw my whole life laid out.

I'm going to graduate, open a practice,

write three to five award-winning books, then die.

Okay.

If you told me how all these movies end,

why would I come see them?

I hate spoilers.

I don't want a spoiler in the movie of my life.

You know what I mean, Owen?

Yes?

I don't want to be a therapist.

I'm supposed to be in class right now.

I just couldn't go. But I can't go home.

I mean, how am I supposed to explain it to my kids,

oh, God, and my ex?

It was so hard to tell them

that I wanted to start all over and go back to school

in the first place.

Now I have to tell them I want to start all over again

all over again?

If mom had shared this with us instead of with Owen,

everyone would have been better off, especially Owen.

Anyway, I've got three hours to kill.

What should I see?

A therapist.

Sorry?

Did you need your parking validated?

- Yes. - Okay.

Come on, buddy, something's obviously bugging you.

No, I'm telling you, I'm fine.

You can't see my face. It's totally smiley.

You don't seem fine.

How about a little frozen yogurt to cheer you up?

Dad hid his back pain, and I hid my milf situation.

No way.

And Katie was hiding a little secret of her own.

What, did they bring back bavarian mint?

I don't know.

Do you have bavarian mint, ma'am?

No, not today.

Sorry.

Why don't you slowly list all the flavors for us?

Actually, we'll figure it out.

Two small cups, please.

Hey, buddy, you mind paying? I'll catch you later.

You were right, dad.

Coming for yogurt did make me feel better.

Well, I am honored that you've chosen to go with our firm.

And everything you've heard about me is true.

They sue you, we sue them back twice as hard.

Okay, hang it up, Mel.

One second, doc.

No, no, no, no apology necessary.

I am a bulldog. I'm your bulldog.

Okay, talk to you soon.

- Bye-bye. - How are you, Mel?

Really great, got a great new client, so...

Aah! That's not great.

That's... ow. Why would you do that?

Mel, this has been going on for years.

We've already done the x-rays.

We know there's nothing structurally wrong.

Tell that to the shiv in my spine.

Look, I really think we need to revisit

this idea of stress management.

Have you given any thought about talking to someone?

What, like, a shrink?

Joyce and I tried that once.

Now, I want you to think of this as a safe space,

a nest of sorts.

Yeah, I'm done.

Wasn't for me.

Well, then what's your go-to stress reliever, huh?

Anything that you haven't been able to do

with your busy schedule

and all the changes in your life...

The divorce...

Something that makes you feel completely relaxed.

Hello?

Sweet mama sunrise. I have missed this.

Got any more pictures of your mom?

Keep walking, keep walking, keep walking, keep walk...

- None that you get to look at. - They're all mine.

What a weirdo.

What, you want to fight?

- I'll kick your ass. - Oh, yeah?

Are the breaks getting shorter

and shorter now? My goodness. Bye.

Next time I see you, Fisher,

you're dead.

I can't help you if you refuse to be helped.

Dad went to great lengths to cover his tracks.

He wanted us to think that any problem,

no matter how big, would roll off his back.

Hey, dad.

Oh, hey, Henry. You're home.

What are you doing here?

I had to give Elvis a bath

because he got sprayed by a skunk.

And as you know, I don't have a tub at my apartment,

so that's why I'm here, for the dog...

And the tub, for the tub for the dog.

Oh, okay.

Oh, hey. Hi.

They let us out of class early for good behavior.

They do that in grad school.

Elvis got sprayed by a skunk.

That's why I'm here... Holding a towel.

Great!

Well, I better get started on my homework.

I have so much homework.

Do you always have to wear such tight pants?

Like, wouldn't you be more comfortable

in sweatpants or something?

God.

What's up with you, Henry?

Nothing. It's just...

We... we learned about apartheid in school today,

and I'm very upset.

Man's cruelty to man...

Oh, hey. Hey, dad.

I had to give Elvis a bath

because the groomer's so expensive.

Okay.

Uh, this is Anthony's visor.

Guys give their girlfriends visors now.

It's, like, a thing.

We were so consumed with keeping our own secrets,

we didn't realize that everyone else was keeping secrets too.

- I've got homework. - Me too.

- Me too. - Oh, yeah, I already said that.

Hey, uh, Katie, remember, when we're on the clock,

I'm not Anthony your boyfriend.

I'm Anthony, assistant shift manager and toppings captain.

Good rule of thumb,

when the visor's on,

the lips are off.

- Okay? - Okay.

Ooh, my mom just said she's staying late at school,

so I don't have to be home for dinner.

What should we do?

No texting on the floor.

Jeez.

Sorry, boss.

Well, you're already on thin ice

for abusing your sampling privileges, okay?

Don't make me write you up.

There are two ways this'll end.

Your mom gets fat, or you fight Jake.

Either way, genetics are against you.

Can't I just move into the janitor's closet?

You're gonna have to start lifting your dad's weights

to get those wet noodle arms in fighting shape, son.

Oh, my God!

What are those, like, 100 pounds?

10.

Okay, what'll it be today?

Chich Flick or Blood Diamond documentary?

Who are we kidding? I'll do Chich Flick.

But if anyone asks, I saw the documentary.

No one will ask.

Isn't that your mom?

No, my mom's in...

Class.

One student.

No, Owen, no.

No student discount.

In case you were wondering, yes, I had to do it.

I dropped out of school.

Let's go.

Anybody home?

'Cause I'm home...

From school.

Hi, Joyce. I am freezing.

Let me get back in the tub, and I'll tell you what's going on.

Enjoy your hush yogurt, you little blackmailer.

You got a job, but I get paid.

It's like you're working for me.

I'd rather work for you than Anthony.

He treats me like his employee.

Aren't you his employee?

But I'm also his girlfriend.

This was supposed to make us closer,

but now we're just not getting along at all.

So then quit.

I can't because...

Why not?

All right, listen...

I think mom and dad might be having money problems.

What?

Well, I heard mom say that she had to drop out of school,

and you know how much she wants to be a therapist.

Dad asked me to pay for our yogurt yesterday.

And he said it was too expensive

to take Elvis to the groomer.

And maybe that's why mom is wearing such tight pants.

She can't afford clothes that fit!

W-what?

It's no big deal.

My back tightened up a little because I was under some stress,

and I needed to relax,

and my apartment doesn't have a tub.

Why do you think that is?

Well, I assume because they just didn't have room

for both a shower and a bathtub.

I mean your stress.

What's going on?

I don't know. Nothing. The usual.

Mel, it's never gonna get better

if you don't talk about it.

I don't talk, Joyce. I do.

Okay, what don't you talk about?

You know, work.

Blah blah publishing has proven

to be a little bit more challenging than I expected,

and I don't want that to cut into my time with the kids.

I'm already seeing them less.

Plus, I have this furry third kid to deal with now.

And like you, I'm adjusting to life as a divorcee...

divorcer, divorced person.

I don't even have time to figure out what to call myself.

But it's fine.

It's, you know, no big deal.

You know me.

The tougher things get, the more I like it.

Interesting. Your back doesn't seem to like it.

Hmm.

You think that's why you expect so much from the kids?

You mean I'm hard on them because I'm hard on myself?

Something to consider.

Huh.

So when do you think your need to be superman started?

Age 12, I guess, when the old eyes went.

My mom didn't want me to feel like I was less

than the other kids,

so she always piled a lot on me to show me I could handle it.

And you didn't want to disappoint her.

I wanted to show her she was right,

so I always put a lot on myself.

I guess I'm still doing that.

I'm still doing that.

I never really thought of it that way.

Wow. I loosened up a little bit. Look at this.

I can move a little

without screeching like a hunted monkey.

That's specific.

Joyce, I know I made fun of you

when you said you were going back to class,

but you have a gift here.

You're not gonna be a great therapist.

You already are one.

Mom wanted to tell dad she dropped out,

but after their impromptu hydrotherapy session,

she was rethinking that choice.

Can you hand me the toenail clippers?

Okay, our time's up.

Speaking as Mr. Barr's new attorney,

I feel that your client's lawsuit is frivolous.

Dad left mom's tub a new man, for better or for worse.

Yes, I heard you were threatening

to file a countersuit?

It isn't a threat if we've already done it.

Tell him, Mel. Drop the bomb.

Yeah, actually, Richard, I didn't file it.

Kaboom... What?

I don't know that aggression is always the right tack.

What the hell are you talking about?

Who neutered my bulldog?

Not neutered, enlightened.

Richard, let me ask you something.

Do you have a bathtub at home?

Did you guys mean to hit mute?

'Cause you didn't.

Didn't I just sign a form for you to drop out...

Two days ago?

I mean, if I can fix my bonkers ex-husband

in one session,

who am I to deny myself and the world

this kind of talent?

We are very lucky

to have an esteemed therapist with us today.

Please welcome Dr. Samantha La Croix.

Hello, future colleagues.

I've been a therapist for over 40 years.

It's my life's work.

Whoa.

In this poised, elegant woman,

mom saw herself 25 years from now.

I give my patients 100% of me.

My patients' problems are my problems.

As mom listened to her speak about devoting her life

to her patients, she decided,

once and for all,

no way was this for her.

It all began when I was a child,

'cause I had to take care of my mother,

who was a paranoid schizophrenic.

So I'm outta here. Follow your gut, right?

So if you could just sign underneath

where I crossed out your signature.

Thanks. That'd be great.

Okay. Thank you.

This isn't working.

Put those down.

Listen, you're gonna have to fight.

Just remember, Jake might be bigger than you,

he might be stronger than you,

but...

But what?

I couldn't think of anything. I thought I could spin it.

I can't fight that guy. He'll kill me.

My advice... Fight like a girl.

Bite, scratch, pull hair.

Okay, let's practice.

I'll be Jake, you be you.

Fists up.

Thumbs outside the fist.

Left jab coming.

Block it.

I didn't mean with your face.

Katie, look at this toppings bar.

There are cashew clusters in the oreo bin.

It's... it's chaos.

Okay, this is not working out.

We can't be kissing one second and then boss-employee the next.

You're right.

Can you give me a couple days to find someone to replace you?

Oh, I'm not quitting.

I can't. I need the money.

Then what are we doing?

Give it another second.

We're breaking up.

Excuse me. Which flavors are dairy-free?

Can't you see that we're going through something here?

Mango and strawberry.

Joyce? Is that you?

Mel?

Are you in the tub?

Maybe.

Normally, I'd be upset that I lost a client,

but I don't know... maybe it's a good thing.

Just like I'm getting used to the new Mel,

so should my clients, right?

Yeah, I'm not sure if you should be taking advice from me.

What do you mean?

Mom?

Oh, God, she cannot see this.

- What do we do? - Mom?

I broke up with Anthony.

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.

Frankly, I'm not surprised.

It was just one dumb thing out of his mouth after another.

No, it wasn't that. It was...

Katie realized she couldn't tell mom what happened

without revealing her secret job,

so she had to cover it up.

You're right. It was 'cause he's dumb.

So dumb.

Come on, let's talk about it in another room.

Henry!

What happened to your eye?

I panicked.

I had just come in for makeup to hide it.

I couldn't tell her why Runyen hit me, so I...

Katie got a job at Yo-Yo Fro-yo.

Did that.

- What? - What is going on here?

So your mother was just helping me talk out my stress

so that my back would stop tensing up.

- In the tub? - That's so weird.

That is possibly slightly weird.

We're an... unusual family.

Anyway, whatever is going on with you kids,

I am not gonna get stressed out about it

because we are in the presence of an excellent therapist.

Joyce, make with the therapy.

Okay.

Well, Katie, why do you feel the need to rebel so...

I can't do this.

I quit school. I-I-I dropped out.

- What? - I changed my mind.

I don't want to be a therapist.

I can't live my life for clients.

I lived my life for you guys for the past 17 years.

No regrets.

Every day's a gift.

But I cannot help other people figure out who they are

until I figure out who I am.

That's gonna take time. I'm very complicated.

- We know. - Tell me about it.

Wait. So you didn't drop out of school

'cause we're having money problems?

Money problems? No!

What is going on around here?

- Mel, calm down. - I'm calm.

I'm perfectly calm!

Sweetie, we are not having money problems.

Oh, thank God.

Henry, who gave you the shiner?

Okay.

Runyen accidentally punched me 'cause he was training me

to fight this eighth-grader

that showed everyone a picture of mom and called her a milf!

And if we're not having money problems,

I should transfer to a private school.

The boy called me a milf? That's... awful.

Did he say that about any of the other mothers?

Did he call them that terrible thing or just me?

So some punk is talking dirty about your mom

and threatening to fight you?

- Okay, dad, calm down. - Yeah, relax, Mel.

You know, why don't you go back upstairs, get back in the tub?

No, no, no. I feel like myself.

If being me comes with occasional back pain,

then so be it.

Katie, I told you not to get a job.

You are grounded for two weeks.

What?

Henry, I said no hanging around

with those knucklehead eighth-grade boys.

No video games until further notice.

Dad!

Joyce, you are empathetic and compassionate and smart,

and I'm sure whatever you choose,

you will be very successful.

Just figure it out already.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get my client back.

Elvis!

- Dad, you're in mom's robe. - Which would not help my case.

Opening up to each other ultimately solved

all of our problems.

Let's go, Fisher.

As for me,

I figured out how to deal with Jake.

Your mom's here to pick you up.

Just 'cause your hot mom rescued you today

doesn't mean tomorrow...

Sorry I'm late, sweetie.

I had to stop by the pharmacy to get my foot cream.

You know what, Henry? We're good.

Come on.

He's gotta get home.

To that.

Katie was free to quit her job.

And in the on-again off-again saga of her and Anthony,

- they were on again. - So, did you find someone to replace me?

Yep.

Well. For now.

☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯ ❃www.addic7ed.com❃