Original subtitles

Dad, can you call my phone?

I can't find it anywhere.

Absolutely. I can't bear the thought of you going a day without

texting, or tweeting or... liking things.

Call Katie.

It's going to voice-mail.

Despise the fact that dad was blind.

He always felt it was his job to keep an eye on things for Katie and me.

Hi sweetie, it's dad.

I just want to tell you that... I love you.

And you make me proud everyday.

But if you lost that phone you're not getting another one.

- Dad, that's Anthony. - Can you get that?

You betcha.

Oh! Hi!

Mr. Fisher, it's Anthony.

I'm your boy's daughter.

Daughter's boyfriend Anthony.

- Come on in. - Katie's not quite ready yet.

I guess that gives me time to grill you.

Have a seat.

So in the on-again, off-again saga

of Katie and Anthony,

you two are on again?

Full-on on.

Not like... On each other on.

You know, I just meant like, uh...

Katie?

She can't hear you.

So you're taking my daughter

to the spring formal tomorrow night.

- Yeah. - I can't wait!

The ballroom at the hotel

has the most amazing view of Los Angeles.

You can see all...

Who cares about views, right?

You're not missing much. I'm sorry, I...

It's okay, Anthony. I know I'm blind.

Sorry.

Here's some cash to take Katie out for a nice dinner

before the formal.

Oh, not necessary, Mr. Fisher.

I have a job at Yo Yo Froyo,

so I got it covered.

I have no idea what that is,

but I'm guessing the pay isn't great.

- So... Here you go. - Ah.

I... I feel like this might be a test.

It's not. Take the 50.

Sir, this is a hundred.

And you passed the test!

All right.

As soon as you give it back.

Yeah.

Oh, Katie, I just saved you a long lecture from dad.

Mom knew she couldn't look at the text.

She also knew she was going to look at the text.

"I can't believe you and Anthony

are going to do it after the formal.

Heart, heart, thumbs up."

☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯ ❃www.addic7ed.com❃

Dad didn't know which was harder...

navigating his daughter's dating life, or his own.

Oh, hey, Mel. It's Allison.

Yeah, I recognized that lovely voice anywhere.

What are you doing?

Just saving the earth one can at a time.

Hey, listen, I'm sorry we haven't had time

for another date.

Well, technically we haven't finished the first date.

Even though you did get to second base.

- You're cancelling on me? - Wait!

Oh, God, I thought you were gonna slam the door.

Which was nothing compared to the dinner disaster.

How bad is it?

It's okay.

Check, please!

If I'd known you were allergic to shellfish

of course I never would've had you try that soup.

Yeah.

You know, I'm thinking maybe

it just isn't in the cards for us.

What? Come on, no!

We can still have a great... third first... date.

Right? Let's reverse the curse, huh?

How about tonight?

- Tonight? - Yeah.

- The 13th? - Friday, the 13th?

Saturday it is.

We'll, uh, keep it simple.

We'll stay in and cook something.

Are you inviting me over to cook for you?

No! Of course not.

I will cook.

I happen to be quite the chef.

Never cooked a thing in his life.

Okay. And here's hoping third time's charm.

While dad was hoping for the best...

Runyen and I were fearing the worst.

I am a dead man.

You know how strict my parents are.

They're gonna kill me.

After the tapioca incident,

trying on my grandmother's wig...

This is my third strike.

And yet none of this occurred to you

while you were filling balloons with salsa?

Runyen, I don't think you should do this.

Why? This is the best thing I've ever thought of!

Oh, no. Vice Principal Collins.

Oh, God.

You're both in big trouble.

I'll be sending you home with a detention slip

for your parents.

Runyen didn't do anything!

It was my idea, he tried to talk me out of it.

Then you will clean up the mess.

And go easy on the ragtop.

Why'd you do that?

My parents will go a lot easier on me.

You're a good friend, Henry.

Not that good.

Go easy on the ragtop.

So you can't cook anything?

You don't have one signature dish?

I think I'll just get takeout and put it on plates.

I don't think that's gonna fly.

"Third time's a charm"?

Mel, that's her colorful way of saying,

"three strikes and you're out."

Which is my colorful way of saying, "don't screw up."

Yeah, I get it.

I mean, I've looked at her, and I've looked at you.

And you're lucky you got one shot.

I mean, she's... Very attractive.

- And you're... - I get it!

Not as attractive.

While Katie searched for the right shoes

mom was trying to find the right segue.

Okay, I have good news and I have bad news.

Is the good news you're gonna let me borrow

your diamond earrings?

No. The good news is...

I found your cell phone!

Awesome! Thanks, mom!

Bad news is

I might've accidentally read a text from Nicole

saying, "Can't believe you and Anthony

are going to do it after the prom.

Heart, heart, thumbs up."

I really wanna get on board with the "thumbs up" part,

I just kinda need to know what the "it" is.

You're ridiculous.

You're sneaking around, reading my texts,

jumping to all sorts of crazy conclusions.

You're right!

That is... that is what I did.

That's what moms do,

they make mountains out of molehills.

How about you know things about my life

because you ask me about them,

and I feel comfortable enough to share them with you?

Yes! I like that. Let's do that.

You have to promise not to tell dad.

Oh, I won't breathe a word. I won't say a word.

I won't hum a word. Mum's the word.

Okay.

Okay, so...

After the formal Anthony and I are gonna sleep together.

Oh, thank God!

For a second I thought you were gonna...

Oh! Yeah, that's exactly what I thought you were gonna say.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna go sit down.

Sure.

I'm gonna see if they have these strappy ones in my size.

Yeah. Go ahead.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Some dress shops offer wine!

Mom had always wanted a special mother-daughter secret.

Until she got it.

So, Anthony and I talked about it,

we're taking precautions.

We've considered all of the emotional repercussions,

and... We feel good about this.

As your mother I just have to tell you

I think you're too young.

Well, how old were you when you first did it?

Mom, car!

- Mel! Hi. - Hi, Joyce!

You know what I miss most about living with you?

How if I had a secret you would dig and dig

until I had no choice but to tell you?

Your lemon chicken.

What?

Yeah, I've been craving your signature dish.

Can't get it out of my mind!

Uh, well, I'd love to make it for you sometime,

- but I don't have the ingred... - I got lemon, I got chicken.

Even though dad was the lawyer,

mom was gonna try to lead the witness.

So, Katie's formal is tonight.

Remember formals and all the stuff kids did,

and I guess still do, after the dancing stops?

Can I just take this home in the serving dish?

I wanna eat it right out of that.

Sure.

So I've become aware of a situation

of a romantic nature involving a family member,

something I expected to happen at some point

but not this soon.

I know what you're getting at, Joyce.

- You do? - Yeah.

I guess I should've told you sooner, but...

I just thought it might make you uncomfortable.

- Me? Bout you? - You're okay with this?

It was bound to happen eventually, right?

Who told you?

Katie, who swore me to secrecy.

I just wanna go on record

as saying I am not okay with this at all.

- She's too young! - What are you...

I think she's older than you are.

What are we talking about?

The fact that I have a date is what we're talking about, right?

Sometimes two confused parents

equal one kid's window of opportunity.

Mom, there was this balloon incident at school.

Long story short, I just need a parent's signature on this.

Great, great, great.

I knew it would be easy, but...

Not that easy.

I gotta say, Joyce, I'm glad this is out in the open.

I don't think we should be keeping things from each other.

What are you guys talking about?

Oh, hey, sweetie.

Yep! Cat's outta the bag.

What?

Mom knows I'm dating Allison.

Yes, that. That's all that's out of the bag.

Everything else is still shoved deep into the bag.

So mom couldn't talk to dad,

and she already tried talking to Katie.

And with the formal just hours away,

that left one option...

One... extremely awkward option.

Anthony.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Fisher.

Um, can you take a break?

There's something I wanna talk to you about.

Oh, uh...

Okay, wait, so you didn't get in trouble at all?

It's nuts.

Lately my parents have been so preoccupied with Katie

seems I can get away with anything.

Let's test it.

So Katie told me about your plan for after the formal.

About getting...

Late-night pancakes?

Come on, we both know what we're talking about.

I didn't...

And I just have to say, as her mother,

I don't feel very good about...

everything okay here?

Two yogurt flavors...

Swirling.

O... okay.

You know, they don't have to swirl.

You could keep them separate.

Yes!

Separate! Great idea!

They can be in the same cup. They can even tough a little.

You know that's all right. That's fine, I'm not a prude.

But they do not need to full-on swirl.

- O... o... okay. - Mom!

Is this too much yogurt?

And can I cover it entirely in candy?

Sounds good, hon.

I just don't get why everyone's in such a rush to swirl.

Trust me, it just makes things more complicated.

On the other hand some people really like swirling

because it creates a wonderful new flavor.

That... no, that's exactly what we don't want, Alan.

We don't want a little... third... flavor

to have to take care of.

Oh, my God.

Hey! What are you guys doing here?

Mom!

Hi!

Yeah, just a small cone.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Uh...

What?

Just a moment.

Welcome, guest of honor.

You're a little bit early.

My famous lemon chicken is... still in the oven.

Your famous lemon chick...

Oh, my God, you got me to cook for your date?

Dammit. I thought you were Allison.

Is Katie still getting dressed for the formal?

I feel like maybe she shouldn't go.

Katie! Sweetie!

She's gone, Joyce.

She had Anthony pick her up early.

But don't worry, I took a photo of them before they left.

Hopefully they're both in it.

Anyway, I'd love to chat but, as you know, I have a date

and I really need it to go well.

So unless you wanna make us a dessert...

Yeah, yeah, I'll get going.

Sorry I missed Katie.

Eh, no big deal. It's just a dance.

Uh-huh.

Although our little girl is becoming a young woman.

Yeah, well, it's happening a little too fast

if you ask me.

Yeah, maybe.

But Anthony's nice.

I always liked that kid. She's in good hands.

Those hands are gonna be all over her,

because after the formal

she and Anthony are gonna have sex!

And just like that...

The cat came screeching out of the bag.

Oh, so she says she's ready.

Trust me, the girl who keeps losing her cell phone

is not mature enough to lose her...

Can't even say it.

But a ton of other things were said.

Here are some of the highlights.

I'm trying to keep the lines of communication open.

Great! You two can choose baby names together!

Dad won that point.

We tell her no, she's just going to rebel.

If you recall my mom didn't want me to go out with you,

and on our second date we made Katie!

Ooh, advantage mom.

I never liked that kid.

It's not Anthony's fault. He's a sweet, shy kid.

When I went to visit him at work

he practically crawled into his sh...

Oh, my God, that's it!

All I have to do is go to the hotel.

I can say I'm bringing Katie

the diamond earrings she wanted to borrow,

and the mere fact of me being there

will make Anthony go, byoo.

- That's the sound of his... - Yeah, I get it.

That is a terrible idea.

I am the one who intimidates Anthony.

I will go down there and put an end to this.

I'll put an end to him!

I should clarify, for legal reasons,

it is not my intent to actually go down there and kill him.

So just in case I do... It was not premeditated.

Mel, this is exactly why Katie and I didn't wanna tell you.

We both knew you'd fly off the handle

I'm her father!

It's my job to fly off the handle!

- I'm going with you. - Nope!

I got this.

Have a great date.

Enjoy your floor chicken.

Joyce, I'm...

With Katie getting all of mom and dad's attention

I was beginning to feel like I didn't exist.

There's no way we're getting away with this.

You're probably right.

- She'll shut it down. - Henry!

Have you seen brown leather bag?

I left my diamond earrings in it.

No. We were just playing black and blue.

It's where you try to get the worst injury.

Fun!

Extra poin for blood loss!

Ah, never mind! Found it!

Let's do this.

Ahh!

Ah! Ugh!

Gotta run a quick errand.

There's cold pizza in the fridge. If you guys get hungry.

The only injury I got was a bruised ego.

Well, hello there.

First, I wish I could see how beautiful I know you look.

Second, I have been looking forward to this all day.

And thirdly I have to leave immediately,

and I need you to drive me.

Sir, I can't open the door.

Are you aware that this hotel has provided lodging to minors

who intend to engage in lascivious activity?

I just deliver room service,

I'm not allowed to let you in.

Let me make this real simple for you, pal.

I'm a blind attorney.

This is my guide dog, this is my date.

None of that is really relevant.

This room is registered in the name of "Fisher,"

as in "Katherine Elaine Fisher,"

who happens to be my 16-year-old daughter.

If you don't open this door immediately,

I will have you arrested

for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Fine.

Katie's mom tends to be a little bit dramatic.

I'm still holding out hope she misread her intentions here.

Uh, I don't think she misread it.

Between the rose petals and the candle,

I'd say this room is ready for some action.

This is the worst night of my life.

Oh, just what every girl on a date wants to hear.

You're right, I'm sorry.

How could this date possibly get worse?

Mel.

Mel?

Had to ask.

Allison, meet my ex, Joyce.

- Oh, that's a great bag. - Cute shoes!

Thanks!

Mel, why are you here?

I specifically told you that I would handle it.

I told him I would handle it.

Yes. Her version of handling it

woulbe to sit down and talk about everyone's feelings.

Where my version of handling it,

will be to throw Katie over my shoulder

and take her home where she belongs!

You see what I have to deal with...

Okay, well, you both make some good points,

and I just feel super lucky to be in the middle of it.

Oh, here they are.

Mel, you park it on those rose petals

and let me handle this you little son of a bitch!

Do you have any idea how old she is?

- It's not... - 74?

What is happening?

Oh, we must have the wrong room.

This is the Fisher room.

Yes, we're Elliot and Estelle Fisher.

It's our 40th anniversary.

- Wow! - That's wonderful!

- Congratulations! - Heck of a milestone!

Here we go.

Monotonous music, inappropriate lyrics,

raucous teenage laughter.

His ears have X-ray vision.

Yeah, that's it.

You know, I think it's time for me to go.

Joyce can give you a ride,

and this is really a private family situation.

I cannot tell you how sorry I am.

It's just...

I would never forgive myself if my daughter...

Made a mistake tonight that I could've prevented.

You know, I have a daughter too,

and her dad doesn't show up for her

the way you show up for your kids.

I really respect that.

In fact it's... Pretty attractive.

Ooh! Body lotion.

Is there any chance that you would be crazy enough

to consider a fourth first date?

I don't know, Mel I'm pretty crazy.

What do you know?

Allison threw dad a curveball.

Meanwhile I was lining up for a pitch

that would light up the whole stadium.

Are we really going to do this?

Why not?

If my parents don't care...

Why should we?

Oh!

I can't listen to this anymore.

I know for a fact that Haley did not

get a promise ring from Deshawn.

Hey, let's head over to Tommy's.

Nice.

We're in!

What do we got?

What do you see? Where's Katie?

She's not in here.

She must be...

In the bedroom.

Elvis, find door.

Mel, find self-restraint.

Get your hands off my daughter,

you little pervert!

Or burst right in!

Mr. Fisher!

What are you doing here?

Hi, Nicole.

What is happening? Who's Nicole?

Where's Katie?

She and Anthony left, like, an hour ago.

Oh! Our mistake.

But... on behalf of fathers everywhere,

button up and get out.

Calm down.

We don't know if anything happened!

Oh, something happened.

If not in a hotel,

then in a backseat or a broom closet or a tree.

A tree?

Hormones find a way, Joyce.

Well, well, well.

Look who's finally home

after trying to ruin their daughter's night.

Yeah, Nicole texted me.

You didn't read that one, did ya?

How could you tell him? You promised!

And I kept that promise... for an astoundingly long time.

Katie, I need to talk to you.

Save it, dad.

I don't need to hear a big speech from you.

Anthony and I decided not to do it.

Oh, great!

I mean, pfft. Whatever.

- Totally up to you. - Katie.

Mel, let's not make this night anymore...

No, I want to say this. I need her to hear it.

- Young lady... - Hear it comes.

You are gonna make a lotta choices in this life,

some good, some bad.

But I take comfort in knowing that you have a good head

and a good heart.

Now I can't promise that I won't try

to make every boy who comes to your door

tremble with fear.

That is my God-given right as a dad.

I just hope that...

When you make the big decisions in life...

When you look back

you feel good about yourself.

What he said.

Even though that's what I already said.

Well, it doesn't really matter who said what when.

You're right.

Okay, I totally know you're mouthing something.

You guys are exhausting.

Dad's words that night had a big impact on Katie.

Oh, not the dramatic speech you just heard, these words.

Hi, sweetie, it's dad.

I just wanna tell you that I love you

and you make me proud every day.

But if you lost that phone you're not getting another one.

- God, your dad. - Yeah, I know.

Wait. What's that supposed to mean?

Kind of overbearing, right?

No, he just loves me. What's wrong with that?

Just has a weird way of showing it.

By leaving me messages and telling me that he loves me?

You know, just because your dad moved to Cincinnati...

He relocated for work.

Yeah, that's why.

And in the on-again, off-again saga

of Katie and Anthony...

We facetime!

They were off again.

You really surprised me there.

Kinda surprised myself.

But you know, this whole self-restraint thing,

it's a lot easier when you have two terrific kids.

What the hell is that?

Henry! What are you doing?

Have you lost your mind?

Finally. I was back on their radar.

You are in big trouble, mister.

☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯ ❃www.addic7ed.com❃