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1
00:00:01,972 --> 00:00:03,960
One of the upsides of
my parents splitting up
2
00:00:03,990 --> 00:00:06,060
was I got to spend time just me and dad.
3
00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:08,390
Hi. Regular coffee and
a hot chocolate, please.
4
00:00:08,430 --> 00:00:11,060
Uh, ten marshmallows, two
in and eight on the side.
5
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:12,530
Two in and zero on the side.
6
00:00:12,570 --> 00:00:14,030
[Chokes]
7
00:00:14,070 --> 00:00:15,740
- He's choking!
- Choking. Somebody's choking.
8
00:00:15,770 --> 00:00:17,800
Oh, and my dad was blind
9
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:19,970
which, I guess, technically
is considered a handicap.
10
00:00:20,010 --> 00:00:21,440
- Uh, d-dad.
- I'm on it.
11
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,710
But ironically the blind
guy didn't see it that way.
12
00:00:23,740 --> 00:00:24,810
Uuhh!
13
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,920
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
14
00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:33,590
Anybody need a baby delivered?
15
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,460
[Customers giggle, murmur]
16
00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:37,320
It wasn't all superhero stuff.
17
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:38,790
Here you go, bud,
18
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,460
there were some downsides
to having a blind dad,
19
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,130
like... finger juice.
20
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:48,670
But the biggest downside?
His crazy bedtime stories.
21
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,340
For as long as I could remember...
22
00:00:50,370 --> 00:00:54,010
Yep, got this freak infection
and went blind when I was 12.
23
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,969
Went to bed 20/20. Woke up...
24
00:00:55,970 --> 00:00:56,646
[Pops lips] Nothing.
25
00:00:56,647 --> 00:00:57,580
[Sighs] Huh.
26
00:00:57,610 --> 00:01:01,480
I was just a little bit
older than you are now.
27
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,380
Anyway, get some sleep, buddy.
28
00:01:04,420 --> 00:01:06,390
Only one part of the story ever changed.
29
00:01:06,420 --> 00:01:09,160
I was just three years older than you.
30
00:01:09,190 --> 00:01:11,960
I was just two years older than you.
31
00:01:11,990 --> 00:01:13,560
I was just a year older than you.
32
00:01:13,590 --> 00:01:15,360
Anyway, get some sleep, buddy.
33
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,730
Looking back, it was completely irrational.
34
00:01:17,770 --> 00:01:19,800
But I was terrified of my 12th birthday.
35
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:21,030
You know that nightmare
36
00:01:21,070 --> 00:01:22,740
about showing up to
school in your underwear?
37
00:01:22,770 --> 00:01:25,610
I would've killed for that one.
38
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,210
♪ Let's tell the world ♪
39
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♪ All the things we've done ♪
40
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♪ Places we've been ♪
41
00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:33,380
♪ In the setting sun ♪
42
00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:37,520
♪ I've got a song and
a smile so bright ♪
43
00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:41,190
♪ I'll make you wish
you were here tonight ♪
44
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:45,019
♪ I'll make you wish
you were here tonight ♪
45
00:01:45,020 --> 00:01:48,041
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
46
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With my birthday just days away,
47
00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:53,370
I was giving myself eye tests
roughly every chance I got.
48
00:01:54,770 --> 00:01:56,540
What's happening here?
49
00:01:56,570 --> 00:02:00,570
Oh! Um, just checking to
see if I have X-ray vision.
50
00:02:00,610 --> 00:02:01,880
Sometimes I think I might.
51
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:04,310
Oh, bug, try and get that
all out of your system,
52
00:02:04,350 --> 00:02:06,610
or they're gonna destroy
you in high school.
53
00:02:06,650 --> 00:02:08,550
I didn't wanna tell my
family what was worrying me,
54
00:02:08,580 --> 00:02:11,020
because deep down I knew
it was ridiculous...
55
00:02:11,050 --> 00:02:13,290
slash definitely, definitely happening.
56
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:15,120
Okay, be brutally honest.
57
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,720
Do I look like I'm trying too hard,
58
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:18,020
not trying at all?
59
00:02:18,060 --> 00:02:20,030
Like, where do I fall
on the trying spectrum?
60
00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:21,190
You're very trying.
61
00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:23,030
Wait, is that my scarf?
62
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,660
And my perfume?
63
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:27,770
Mom, what did I tell you
about borrowing my stuff?
64
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,600
We have so many great talks, hon.
65
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:30,970
I don't remember.
66
00:02:31,010 --> 00:02:32,510
Look, I'm gonna be on campus today,
67
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:34,540
buying my textbooks, and I wanna look nice.
68
00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:36,480
Mom was getting her
degree in family therapy
69
00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:37,940
which, given our family,
70
00:02:37,980 --> 00:02:39,810
should've earned her a minor in irony.
71
00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:41,250
Bye, birthday boy.
72
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,780
It's not my birthday yet, mom.
73
00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:45,250
Three days. Technically I'm still 11.
74
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,190
And you're more like dad every day.
75
00:02:47,220 --> 00:02:49,320
Any other day I would've
taken that as a compliment,
76
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,920
but today I did not.
77
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,330
And that's why I said...
78
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,030
Well, you're more like mom every day.
79
00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:57,360
Since I was sure I was going blind,
80
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,030
Runyen and I came up with a list
81
00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:01,570
of all things I needed to
see before it happened.
82
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,270
Mona Lisa, you gotta see that.
83
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,040
Niagara Falls, breathtaking.
84
00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:10,080
Hold the phone.
85
00:03:10,110 --> 00:03:12,280
I know what you need to
see before you go blind.
86
00:03:12,310 --> 00:03:16,280
Boobs! Naked boobs.
87
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:17,980
Yeah.
88
00:03:19,390 --> 00:03:20,650
Mel?
89
00:03:20,690 --> 00:03:22,960
It's Principal Sloan from Henry's school.
90
00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:25,730
Well, now it's Principal
Sloan from across the hall.
91
00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,060
Yeah, I heard a rumor you were moving in.
92
00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:31,030
That should traumatize Henry nicely.
93
00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,470
Welcome to the neighborhood.
94
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:33,670
- [Elvis growling]
- Oh... sorry.
95
00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:35,900
- Elvis, no, no.
- That's okay.
96
00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:38,840
He probably just smells my
ex-wife's apricot body splash.
97
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,740
Or the salt from my tears. [Laughs]
98
00:03:40,770 --> 00:03:42,310
- Ha.
- No, it's good.
99
00:03:42,340 --> 00:03:43,940
It's good. It's a fresh start.
100
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:46,180
Okay, well, I'd help you lug boxes, but...
101
00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:47,380
Oh, no, no, no. Of course.
102
00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:50,020
Yeah, ah. I get outta all kinds of stuff.
103
00:03:50,050 --> 00:03:53,390
Airport runs, charades.
104
00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:57,520
All in all, being blind
is a... pretty sweet deal.
105
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:58,930
Wendy and I used to play charades.
106
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,930
[Door closes]
107
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:04,900
[Elvis whimpers]
108
00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:07,530
Whoa, Elvis, your snoot is
out of control today, buddy.
109
00:04:07,570 --> 00:04:08,840
What do you got?
110
00:04:08,870 --> 00:04:10,570
No, leave Katie's stuff alone.
111
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,710
No. Leave it!
112
00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:14,710
Did she leave food in her bag again?
113
00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:17,610
How many times do I have
to give the ant speech?
114
00:04:17,650 --> 00:04:21,280
What's this?
115
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,450
[Sniffs]
116
00:04:24,490 --> 00:04:27,050
I'm gonna need a new speech.
117
00:04:27,090 --> 00:04:29,260
Well, you don't have to
be a family therapist
118
00:04:29,290 --> 00:04:31,120
to know what's upsetting Henry.
119
00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,560
He's obviously anxious
that with the divorce
120
00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:35,900
his birthday is going to
get lost in the shuffle.
121
00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:38,030
Which is why he's gonna
love the surprise party.
122
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,700
[Sighs] Maybe we should tell him.
123
00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:41,030
Should tell him? Let's tell him.
124
00:04:41,070 --> 00:04:42,500
- Henry!
- Or...
125
00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:44,800
we could not tell him
about the surprise party
126
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,810
and have it be a surprise party.
127
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:49,580
Remind me to stand like this
next time I wear that outfit.
128
00:04:49,610 --> 00:04:53,810
It's really effective.
129
00:04:53,850 --> 00:04:55,320
[Door opens]
130
00:04:55,350 --> 00:04:56,750
Hi.
131
00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:57,880
How are you?
132
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,590
What?
133
00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:00,890
Elvis found something in your bag.
134
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,420
- Oh, shoot.
- Uh-huh.
135
00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:04,960
Look, that energy bar was wrapped in foil.
136
00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:07,060
There's no way the ants were after that.
137
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:08,900
If you're still finding
ants it's 'cause of Henry.
138
00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:12,570
That kid keeps chocolate in every pocket.
139
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,540
What is that?
140
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:17,200
That's not mine.
141
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,140
Then why was it in your purse?
142
00:05:19,170 --> 00:05:21,240
[Cash register dings] That'll be 158.52.
143
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,710
Oh, shoot! I don't have my wallet.
144
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:26,350
I borrowed my daughter's purse yesterday.
145
00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:28,310
[Gasps] Shoot!
146
00:05:28,350 --> 00:05:30,620
So, what, the joint just flew into your bag
147
00:05:30,650 --> 00:05:31,990
all by itself?
148
00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:33,650
Whoa, man!
149
00:05:33,690 --> 00:05:37,320
This bag looks like a mellow
place to hang out, man.
150
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,430
- Who are you supposed to be?
- Oh, I'm sorry!
151
00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:40,930
I don't know about drugs.
152
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,430
How do they talk? I don't know either.
153
00:05:42,460 --> 00:05:43,460
- It's not mine.
- Katie,
154
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,900
you are talking to a trial attorney
155
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:49,500
with 30 years of experience
dealing with evasive defendants.
156
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:52,740
I am not a defendant! [Sighs]
157
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:53,970
Katherine!
158
00:05:54,010 --> 00:05:55,880
What? Are you gonna throw your gavel at me?
159
00:05:55,910 --> 00:05:58,180
I don't have a...
160
00:05:58,210 --> 00:06:00,880
Do you even know what I do for a living?
161
00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:08,180
So mom used my key to
sneak into dad's apartment
162
00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:09,480
to look for her pot,
163
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,350
which she had left in Katie's bag.
164
00:06:22,530 --> 00:06:24,300
Katie?
165
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,270
Katie, is that you?
166
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:32,440
Katie, I can smell your perfume.
167
00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:37,210
- Actually, Mel, it's me.
- Oh.
168
00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:38,310
- Hi.
- Hi.
169
00:06:38,350 --> 00:06:39,950
Yeah, I just brought a box of stuff over
170
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:41,750
for Henry's surprise party to stash here.
171
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:44,750
Not stash, uh, store. Store... here.
172
00:06:44,790 --> 00:06:47,120
You know what, actually,
I'm glad you're here.
173
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,360
Will you... have a seat, please?
174
00:06:49,390 --> 00:06:51,830
We really need to talk. [Sighs]
175
00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:53,930
Mom knew what she had to do...
176
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,200
Her classic speak 'n' sneak.
177
00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:57,570
Okay, what's up?
178
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,270
Well, even though we are divorced,
179
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:00,700
we still need to be a united front
180
00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:03,870
when it comes to the kids, right?
181
00:07:03,910 --> 00:07:05,910
Yes, of course.
182
00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:08,210
Okay.
183
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:11,050
Ah, boy, there's just no
easy way to tell you this.
184
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,080
What is it, Mel?
185
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,850
Well...
186
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,220
Our daughter is on drugs.
187
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:17,890
- What?
- Ooh!
188
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,790
Joyce, come on! You know I don't like it
189
00:07:19,820 --> 00:07:21,960
when you speak 'n' sneak.
190
00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:25,560
Dude, I'm telling you, we
go back into your house,
191
00:07:25,590 --> 00:07:27,360
we see Katie in the shower, and...
192
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,100
My sister is not the reference
point I'm looking for,
193
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:30,770
- so stop asking.
- [Sighs]
194
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,170
This is perfect.
195
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,600
I heard my mom talking about
how Mrs. Glebe breast-feeds
196
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,470
every morning before work.
197
00:07:36,510 --> 00:07:38,870
Breast-feed! It's right in the name.
198
00:07:42,580 --> 00:07:44,850
- Oh, my God, there she is.
- Whoa.
199
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,750
Mrs. Glebe's beautiful.
200
00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:50,080
- Oh, my God.
- Be cool, be cool, be cool.
201
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,650
[Breast pump whirring]
202
00:07:52,690 --> 00:07:54,090
Uhh...
203
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,220
- [Gasps]
- Abort, abort!
204
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:57,860
What was that machine doing to her?
205
00:07:57,890 --> 00:07:59,590
Now I wish I was blind!
206
00:07:59,630 --> 00:08:01,130
Maybe it's not hers, Mel.
207
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,730
Maybe it's some other kindhearted person
208
00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:05,230
who just wanted to try it once
209
00:08:05,270 --> 00:08:08,100
and then stupidly, stupidly
left it in Katie's bag.
210
00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:09,500
No, it's hers.
211
00:08:09,540 --> 00:08:11,470
She ran right outta here. Guilty!
212
00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:13,110
Okay, let's not be so quick to judge.
213
00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:14,880
Well, maybe you should be
a little quicker to judge.
214
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:16,340
I mean, what is going on over there, Joyce?
215
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:18,480
I'm barely outta the house
and our daughter is on drugs!
216
00:08:18,510 --> 00:08:20,580
- She's not on drugs, Mel.
- Joyce, wake up and smell
217
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:21,920
- the mariju...
- Okay, it's my pot, okay?
218
00:08:21,950 --> 00:08:24,120
Mine. Yes, mine. Not Katie's.
219
00:08:24,150 --> 00:08:27,460
Yeah... what do you got to say now?
220
00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:29,390
Well, that's not a lot better!
221
00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:31,330
Joyce, I know you're in
this experimental phase,
222
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,130
and you're doing the kale
chips and the meditation app,
223
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,830
but there is a line! Good lord!
224
00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:37,900
What are you, running
a drug den over there?
225
00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:39,730
I've only had the joint a day, all right?
226
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,070
I haven't even tried it yet.
227
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,500
A philosophy major that
I met at orientation
228
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:44,640
gave it to me when I
complimented her ukulele.
229
00:08:44,670 --> 00:08:47,610
Oh. Well, at least you got it
from some girl with no future.
230
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,310
[Groans]
231
00:08:49,340 --> 00:08:51,050
You're so uptight!
232
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,110
Okay. [Laughs]
233
00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:54,580
You know what, Mel?
234
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,920
I honestly don't care what you think.
235
00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:58,390
When we were married, maybe.
236
00:08:58,420 --> 00:08:59,890
But now that we're getting divorced,
237
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,420
uh-huh, okay?
238
00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:02,920
I've always kinda wanted to try pot.
239
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,860
I've wanted to do a lot of new things...
240
00:09:04,890 --> 00:09:07,160
maybe go vegan, learn to play the drums.
241
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,060
But I never even mentioned
any of those things
242
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,830
because I knew this is how you would react.
243
00:09:10,870 --> 00:09:13,030
Well, then I did my job. You're welcome.
244
00:09:13,070 --> 00:09:14,970
This... is what pushed me away, Mel.
245
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,870
And let me tell you something,
if you don't ease up,
246
00:09:16,910 --> 00:09:20,470
you're gonna push Katie away too.
247
00:09:20,510 --> 00:09:22,310
So if you'll kindly hand over my doobie,
248
00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:23,610
I will be on my way.
249
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,510
Nope. Not gonna happen.
250
00:09:25,550 --> 00:09:27,620
[Elvis whimpers]
251
00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:37,420
Ah, in a drawer with the pot holders!
252
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:39,130
Nice touch, Mel!
253
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,400
That's a coincidence.
254
00:09:41,430 --> 00:09:44,670
I would never trivialize
drugs with a humorous...
255
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:46,170
hiding place.
256
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,200
Thanks again for helping me
257
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,470
take these party things
back over to Joyce's house.
258
00:09:50,510 --> 00:09:52,370
- Oh, no problemo.
- Hello?
259
00:09:52,410 --> 00:09:55,010
♪ Katie, it's your father ♪
260
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,310
Hey, guys, I'll be right there.
261
00:09:57,350 --> 00:09:59,550
It's this boy I met from camp.
He's so obsessed with me.
262
00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:01,520
[Laughs]
263
00:10:01,550 --> 00:10:02,750
What?
264
00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:05,390
Well, I just wanted to have a little talk
265
00:10:05,420 --> 00:10:08,560
about our... our miscommunication earlier.
266
00:10:08,590 --> 00:10:10,690
You mean how you falsely
accused me of doing drugs?
267
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:14,130
Well, yeah, I guess
that was the gist of it.
268
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:15,700
Katie, I'm really sorry.
269
00:10:15,730 --> 00:10:18,330
Sorry for not believing
me? Sorry for yelling?
270
00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:20,600
Sorry for your general stick up your ass...
271
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:21,740
ishness?
272
00:10:21,770 --> 00:10:23,570
It's, uh, sort of a blanket apology.
273
00:10:23,610 --> 00:10:25,410
You know what, dad? I can't hear you.
274
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,410
I'm in a meth lab, and it's really loud!
275
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,510
Stick up my ass?
276
00:10:30,550 --> 00:10:31,850
I don't have a stick up my a...
277
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,280
If I had a stick up my ass,
278
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,020
I would've called her out
for using the word "ass."
279
00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:36,650
Female GPS voice: Right on Colorado.
280
00:10:36,690 --> 00:10:38,350
I'm not uptight. Are
you turning on Colorado?
281
00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:40,120
I think we should stay on apple grove.
282
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,390
Yes, the blind guy correcting the GPS lady
283
00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:43,890
is not at all uptight.
284
00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:45,830
I mean, you're a principal.
Your whole gig is by-the-book.
285
00:10:45,860 --> 00:10:47,060
You know what I'm saying.
286
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,100
Yes, I'm a man of law.
287
00:10:49,130 --> 00:10:51,630
I respect order and I follow the rules.
288
00:10:51,670 --> 00:10:52,970
But I've also smoked pot.
289
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,600
- Really?
- Yep.
290
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,100
I gotta stay current with what's
going on in my students' lives.
291
00:10:57,140 --> 00:10:59,870
Violent video games, Twilight books,
292
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,840
yogurt in tubes,
293
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,480
even the wacky tobacky,
if they're into that.
294
00:11:03,510 --> 00:11:05,650
See, I gotta try it so I know
where they're coming from
295
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,110
without overreacting.
296
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:09,380
Otherwise I risk alienating them and...
297
00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:12,090
then I've lost them forever.
298
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,820
Like in Twilight when Jacob lost Bella.
299
00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:19,160
Yeah, I think you're right.
300
00:11:19,190 --> 00:11:23,130
I do need to sample stuff
outside my own comfort zone
301
00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:25,670
- so I don't lose them.
- Mel Fisher...
302
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:29,140
neighbor, dare I say "friend"...
303
00:11:29,170 --> 00:11:30,810
You are so g-d brave.
304
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,840
You're not gonna hug me, are you?
305
00:11:32,870 --> 00:11:34,840
No, I was not.
306
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,810
So... do you have any pot?
307
00:11:37,850 --> 00:11:40,080
I don't know how you say
it. Can you hook me up?
308
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,450
I don't have a guy anymore
309
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,180
since they closed that blockbuster.
310
00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:45,150
[Elvis whimpers]
311
00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:47,290
Uh, you know what? Never
mind, I think I'm good.
312
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:48,660
Thank you for helping out,
313
00:11:48,690 --> 00:11:50,420
and, uh, enjoy the rest of your day off.
314
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,960
Okay. What are you up to for dinner?
315
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,830
[Elvis whines]
316
00:11:55,860 --> 00:11:59,170
Yeah. Good boy!
317
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,400
[Sniffs]
318
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,970
You find drugs better than the real Elvis.
319
00:12:04,010 --> 00:12:06,340
Pot.
320
00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:08,480
Pot.
321
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:11,280
I'm gonna be a person who smokes pot.
322
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:14,950
Elvis, maybe you should go upwind.
323
00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:17,590
I don't want you inhaling
any secondhand drug smoke.
324
00:12:17,620 --> 00:12:20,020
Go, buddy!
325
00:12:20,060 --> 00:12:21,620
[Sighs]
326
00:12:24,390 --> 00:12:29,160
[Lighter clicking]
327
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,200
[Police radio chatter]
328
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,970
What? No, I'm not. Wha... who's this?
329
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,070
Give us a sec.
330
00:12:37,110 --> 00:12:38,740
Oh, God.
331
00:12:42,030 --> 00:12:43,364
If you don't have a
prescription, we're gonna have
332
00:12:43,365 --> 00:12:45,230
to write you a citation for possession.
333
00:12:45,260 --> 00:12:46,760
Makes sense. We have laws.
334
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,300
They exist for a reason.
335
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,340
Sorry. [Sighs]
336
00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:54,940
We didn't realize that you were, uh...
337
00:12:54,970 --> 00:12:56,340
non-sighted.
338
00:12:56,370 --> 00:12:58,440
Yeah. Um, I think we're good here.
339
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,280
Take care now, sir.
340
00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:01,710
Wha-wha-what about my citation?
341
00:13:01,750 --> 00:13:03,150
Oh, it's forgotten, sir.
342
00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:05,720
Hey, don't call me sir
just 'cause I'm blind.
343
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,050
We're not.
344
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,290
We're calling you sir
'cause you're like...50.
345
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:10,920
I don't want special treatment.
346
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,720
This is America, for crying out loud.
347
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,930
You should be arresting me!
348
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,860
Okay. Loosen up, sir.
349
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,130
Cops telling people to loosen up.
350
00:13:21,170 --> 00:13:22,630
This country's going down the tubes.
351
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,740
I don't know if I feel
comfortable doing this.
352
00:13:26,770 --> 00:13:28,570
Oh, you're not comfortable?
353
00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:31,270
Buddy, you got less than 24
hours till your birthday,
354
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,580
then it's lights out.
355
00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:34,780
A girls' high school
locker room is all we got,
356
00:13:34,810 --> 00:13:37,450
so you get comfortable.
357
00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:42,420
Everything's bigger in high school.
358
00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:43,820
Yeah.
359
00:13:43,850 --> 00:13:45,820
If we got stuffed in these lockers,
360
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:47,890
it wouldn't be that bad.
361
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,530
[School bell rings, laughter]
362
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,130
Quick!
363
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,970
Clear your mind and prepare
for your reference point.
364
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,570
'Cause here they come!
365
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,940
[Overlapping chatter, laughter]
366
00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:05,770
Wait. What are guys doing in here?
367
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,780
What goes on in high school?
368
00:14:08,810 --> 00:14:12,280
Wrong locker room! Abort, abort!
369
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,780
Everything is bigger in high school.
370
00:14:17,450 --> 00:14:19,020
Is this a cry for attention?
371
00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:22,960
Like, do you need more structure
and control in your life?
372
00:14:22,990 --> 00:14:25,790
Or... has this just been
inside of you for a while,
373
00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:27,700
and now that dad's gone
you finally feel free
374
00:14:27,730 --> 00:14:29,470
to explore it, you know?
375
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,600
Kinda like me with my college courses,
376
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,170
and you, I guess, with boys.
377
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,670
Mom, I told you.
378
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:37,170
We thought it was the girls' locker room.
379
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,610
Just let me out!
380
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,410
I can walk to dad's from here.
381
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:49,020
If you wanna talk, I'm here for you.
382
00:14:49,050 --> 00:14:50,650
[Cell phone chime]
383
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,290
- Hi, Mel.
- Joyce, it's me, Melvin Fisher.
384
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,890
I know, that's why I said, "hi, Mel."
385
00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:59,060
I'm as high as a kite.
I need you to save me.
386
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,860
Where are you?
387
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,400
I'm either in the attic or the basement.
388
00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:05,200
I took stairs to get here.
389
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:12,620
Joyce, I'm sorry I yelled at you
390
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:13,890
for wanting to try pot.
391
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,840
You're right, I'm too uptight.
392
00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:18,900
I blame these suckers.
393
00:15:18,930 --> 00:15:21,900
I overcompensate to feel like
I have some kinda control
394
00:15:21,930 --> 00:15:23,530
over my surroundings, you know?
395
00:15:23,570 --> 00:15:24,670
It's okay.
396
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,000
Oh, no.
397
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,640
We missed Henry's surprise party.
398
00:15:27,670 --> 00:15:28,840
[Whispering] It's tomorrow!
399
00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:30,340
[Whispering] Oh, it's tomorrow.
400
00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:33,310
I'm so thirsty. Why am I so thirsty?
401
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,210
Well, there's oj right in front of you.
402
00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:37,280
I'll get you a glass.
403
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,920
Joyce, I have realized something.
404
00:15:39,950 --> 00:15:43,720
I am very difficult.
405
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:47,760
- I really am.
- I wasn't arguing.
406
00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:49,760
This is amazing.
407
00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:52,030
Have you ever tried orange juice?
408
00:15:52,060 --> 00:15:53,700
- A couple times.
- I'm gonna...
409
00:15:53,730 --> 00:15:55,330
I'm gonna get you a glass.
Will you get me a glass?
410
00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:56,730
Uh-huh.
411
00:15:56,770 --> 00:16:00,540
I think I feel like I have
to have control over my life,
412
00:16:00,570 --> 00:16:03,010
and sometimes that makes me
control you and the kids.
413
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,110
It's like this.
414
00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:06,880
You want orange juice,
415
00:16:06,910 --> 00:16:09,780
and I am giving you finger juice.
416
00:16:09,810 --> 00:16:11,380
And that's not fair.
417
00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:13,780
I'm sure the acidity kills
any of the bad stuff.
418
00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:16,850
- It's a metaphor, Jo-Jo.
- [Mouthing words] Jo-Jo.
419
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:19,760
The juice is your life,
and my finger is all...
420
00:16:19,790 --> 00:16:21,090
Oh, no!
421
00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:22,730
[Whispering] It's tomorrow!
422
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,400
Oh, good.
423
00:16:24,430 --> 00:16:27,360
Yep. Never trying pot.
424
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,770
Mom did a pretty good
job at talking dad down
425
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,170
when he was freaking out.
426
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,200
And the next day, he did the same for me...
427
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,010
Not that I was freaking out or anything.
428
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,180
You excited for your birthday, pal?
429
00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:41,680
I don't wanna go blind!
430
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,450
I don't want you to go blind either.
431
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:44,950
That would mess up our basketball game.
432
00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:47,620
I'm turning 12, and that's
when you went blind.
433
00:16:47,650 --> 00:16:49,420
And now it's too late
to do anything about it
434
00:16:49,450 --> 00:16:51,920
'cause there's only 7 hours and
22 minutes till my birthday.
435
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,730
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, Henry...
436
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,330
what I had is not hereditary.
437
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,200
You are not gonna go blind, okay?
438
00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:01,300
How long have you been worried about this?
439
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:04,570
Not that long. Just like...
440
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,300
five... six years.
441
00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:09,340
Oh, good. So only, like, half your life.
442
00:17:09,370 --> 00:17:12,410
Why didn't you say something sooner?
443
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,280
Because... I didn't want you to think
444
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:16,750
that I didn't wanna be like you.
445
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:19,880
Oh, buddy. Come here.
446
00:17:23,090 --> 00:17:25,090
That is the sweetest,
447
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,990
most insane thing I have ever heard.
448
00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,730
You thought it would hurt my feelings
449
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,060
that you didn't wanna be blind?
450
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,400
Nobody wants to be blind!
451
00:17:33,430 --> 00:17:35,570
Ha. You think I wanna be blind?
452
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,030
How amazing was this guy?
453
00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:39,270
In my 12 years as his son,
454
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:40,740
that was the first time I realized
455
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:42,070
he didn't wanna be blind.
456
00:17:42,110 --> 00:17:43,610
Gimme the ball.
457
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,980
The man never complained about it.
458
00:17:46,010 --> 00:17:48,850
Did that damn hoop fall again?
459
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,080
Oh, he complained about everything else...
460
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,680
Help me find the receipt, pal,
461
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,890
'cause we are taking it back!
462
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,820
But never about the blind thing.
463
00:17:57,860 --> 00:18:00,190
Later, while I was up in my
room playing video games,
464
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:02,590
mom and dad gathered all
my friends in the basement.
465
00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:04,560
Both: Hey, Mr. Fisher.
466
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,960
Hi, girls!
467
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,700
I like your dog's saddle.
468
00:18:07,730 --> 00:18:10,500
Oh, uh, that's, uh... thank you.
469
00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:11,970
We're going to surprise Henry any minute,
470
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,970
so you need to go make up with your father.
471
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,970
Hi, Mel. Uh, I brought Katie over.
472
00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:19,140
Oh, hi, Katie! Kate-a-roo!
473
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:21,950
♪ K-T and the sunshine band ♪
474
00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:25,220
- You two need to talk.
- Don't think we do.
475
00:18:26,890 --> 00:18:28,420
You know what, I got this.
476
00:18:28,450 --> 00:18:31,660
Mel, right now, I don't want
you to think of me as your wife.
477
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,160
Ex-wife.
478
00:18:33,190 --> 00:18:34,860
- Or you as my best friend.
- Done.
479
00:18:34,890 --> 00:18:36,460
I want you instead to think of me
480
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,230
as your emotional interpreter.
481
00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:40,160
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, God.
482
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,830
No, no, no. Now let's dig deep here.
483
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,430
I think it was Freud who first said...
484
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:46,040
- Katie, I am so sorry.
- Totally forgiven.
485
00:18:47,610 --> 00:18:50,470
Well, I'm gonna crush those classes.
486
00:18:50,510 --> 00:18:52,610
Ladies! Good to see you.
487
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,610
If you want I can sneak
you into the after-party.
488
00:18:54,650 --> 00:18:56,310
Oh, like you snuck into
the boys' locker room?
489
00:18:59,450 --> 00:19:03,390
So, Melvin. Let's review.
490
00:19:03,420 --> 00:19:06,160
First, you accuse me of having pot.
491
00:19:06,190 --> 00:19:09,190
I told you it wasn't mine,
but did you believe me?
492
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:11,160
Mm, you did not.
493
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,600
And as it turns out,
494
00:19:12,630 --> 00:19:15,370
not only was it not mine,
495
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,370
it was in fact my mother's.
496
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,670
- She told you.
- She can't not tell me.
497
00:19:20,710 --> 00:19:22,940
She also told me that she didn't smoke it
498
00:19:22,970 --> 00:19:25,080
because you did.
499
00:19:25,110 --> 00:19:28,080
Do I have the facts of the
case correct, counselor?
500
00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:30,410
Indeed you have. Nicely played.
501
00:19:30,450 --> 00:19:31,750
Mel! It's 7:19.
502
00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:33,120
I need you to go get Henry. Chop-chop!
503
00:19:33,150 --> 00:19:34,650
- Okay.
- Yep.
504
00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:37,690
Hey, uh, she also told
me why you smoked it...
505
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,260
Something about wanting
to be a better parent.
506
00:19:40,290 --> 00:19:42,030
I guess that's sweet.
507
00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:44,630
And weird. But... sweet.
508
00:19:49,430 --> 00:19:50,700
Hey, pal.
509
00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:52,770
Mom called, said there's
a fuse out downstairs.
510
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,440
Can you give me a hand? Sure.
511
00:19:54,470 --> 00:19:56,040
Mom and dad thought I was worried
512
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:58,110
my birthday would get
overshadowed by the divorce.
513
00:19:58,140 --> 00:20:00,840
So they threw me a party I'd never forget.
514
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,510
Just need you to show me
which fuse it is, buddy,
515
00:20:02,550 --> 00:20:03,910
so we can swap it out.
516
00:20:03,950 --> 00:20:05,720
All: Surpri...
517
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:07,280
Oh!
518
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:11,790
Never, ever, ever forget.
519
00:20:13,090 --> 00:20:15,090
[Laughing]
520
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:18,300
Oh! We got ya, man! Right?
521
00:20:18,330 --> 00:20:20,660
Happy Birthday!
522
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:23,170
Why are you not wearing a shirt?
523
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,940
Yep. Turns out the only boobs
that were seen on my birthday
524
00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:27,870
were mine.
525
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,680
[Upbeat music]
526
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,810
♪ Are you ready for this,
are you ready for this ♪
527
00:20:35,850 --> 00:20:37,780
♪ Are you ready for this ♪
528
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,449
♪ Are you ready for this ♪
529
00:20:39,450 --> 00:20:41,450
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
38274
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