Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Welcome to detention, boys and girls.

Officer Pete, will you please escort these

'children to the detention room?'

I'll be joining you shortly.

Wanna cuff me, hall cop?

Ugh.

What's the story, gay and whorey?

Ah, this is cute.

Where'd you get this?

Uh, I made it myself.

Hmm.

'Yes, my little Kernel Popcorn.'

'Meow, meow. I love my meow.'

I got you, Miss Presley.

'Thank you very much, Jessica.'

Good morning ladies and gentleman

and welcome to Saturday detention.

As we informed you and your parents

'the school is being fumigated for an unfortunate'

and potentially rabid possum infestation.

So the district has kindly arranged for us to stay here

and what was formerly known as Way View Prison.

Now it may seem a little worn

little dark, maybe a little imposing.

'But it still has that institutional dependability.'

Rule number one, there will be no talking.

Rule number two, there will be no leaving of your seats

or this holding area without permission from me.

'And number three, in accordance to the outreach effort'

put forth to help those troubled teens

with their feelings due to the unfortunate suicide

of your fellow classmate Jenny Duke last spring

you are all going to write an 800 word essay

entitled..

...The Me You Don't See.

Let me find out

what really makes you tick.

Hand these out, Barrett.

Make sure everyone gets one.

'And rule number four, which is my personal favorite'

all cellphones will be handed to me at this time

'and returned to the rightful owners at 4 o'clock today.'

Wake up. Cellphone time.

Get them out, everybody.

Oh, there goes that one. Good luck to you.

I'm calling your mother, if you have one.

Thank you, Jessica.

Jesus saves. Thank you, Kevin.

Lexi, may I have your phone?

'Miss Presley.'

Yes, Barrett.

- So I'm a borderline diabetic. - Oh.

And I have this app on my phone to track my blood sugar

so I'm gonna have to keep it.

Ha! Suck on this

if you feel a coma coming on.

Your phone is mine until 4 o'clock.

Now..

...number 2 premium pencils.

There is nothing like the smell of this.

Don't you love that smell?

You know, all I smell is the stink

of desperation and... middle age.

Well, we can talk about the real smell of desperation

next Saturday when you act like a hot ticket.

Don't be surprised when you get punched.

I am right across the hall.

All I want to hear

is the gentle scrape of pencils on paper.

Thank you.

I'll be watching you..

...closely.

I know you.

You never talk.

- Are you deaf? - Shut up.

Deaf people can't hear you.

Nope. Ugh.

Hello.

Oh.

What are you drawin'?

Oh, I get it.

He's your bae, so he's not allowed to talk to me.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

The jealousy thing.

'But don't worry, honey.'

Just because he sees what's in the vending machine

doesn't mean he's getting any candy.

You're gross.

Whatever she just gets off from the attention.

How do you know what gets me off?

Ah! Naughty, naughty.

This is a flyer for a drinking party.

What do you school-spirit types do to get turned?

- Why do you care? - Oh, that's right.

You probably don't drink.

Aren't you training

for the Special Olympics or something?

- The Junior Olympics. - Yeah.

What's your name again?

Barrett.

Barrette?

Why did your parents name you after a hair clip?

Your mouth is so pretty when it's closed.

But I can do so many cool things when it's open.

You know what?

I think we have a big fat faker in our midst.

Huh?

Maybe she's dead.

She sure smells like it.

Don't poke the weirdo.

Just leave her alone.

Woo-ooh! Hello?

Let go of me, you freak!

'Ugh, you're so..'

'...I'm telling you, freak.'

Jesus Christ.

Shit.

Ah, son of a bitch.

What is going on in here?

You're supposed to be writing your essays?

I thought I made the rules clear, Alexandra.

What? I'm just stretching.

Well, you just stretched yourself

into another Saturday detention.

Miss Presley.

I'm starting to think you have a crush on me.

You sure like spending time together.

I could say the same thing about you.

Any more outbursts

and all of you will earn another detention.

'Is that clear?'

Yes, ma'am.

I gotta take care of this.

Would you mind not dragging the rest of us

into your black hole of juvenile delinquency?

I bet some of you would love

to be dragged into my black hole.

Ooh.

You wanna have some fun?

Haven't you caused enough damage today?

'Sit down.'

If she catches you, the rest of us get it.

Wish me luck, hair clip.

Damn.

Phoo, phoop.

Ooh, woop!

Ooh!

Ah!

Put it back.

Hell, no.

This is mine.

You're going to get us all a month of Saturdays.

What is that? Some kind of giant glass dildo?

Shut up. Here she comes.

- Lexi. - There you go.

- What is going on? - What?

Don't act coy, sister.

I can tell from that little smug smirk on your face

that you're up to somethin'.

Why, Miss Presley, I have no idea

what you're talking about.

I have just been working on my essay.

I would expect more from an elite athlete.

I already finished my paper, Miss Presley.

I am superbly disappointed.

I'm sorry.

'You, what do you know?'

- Get it. - What? Are you kidding me?

Oh! Are you.. Are you..

- Really? No... - Kevin.

I assume that you are incapable of lying.

So what the hell are these delinquents up to?

I, uh, I honestly have no idea, Miss Presley.

- Um.. - Do you take me to be a fool?

Do you think you can pull one over on old Miss Presley?

You know, I can read your mind.

'I can read all of your minds.'

Old Miss Presley.

Listen to me, you little thuglet.

I know it's you and I know that you are up to something no good.

You know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna drag you outside

in the hallway and rip each and every one of those

disgusting, ridiculous piercings out of your body

so that you give up in a blood, snot and tear-filled

torrent of shame and regret.

Now what the F?

I have to take this.

Noses in your pages and mouths shut.

This isn't over!

'No! No! No! No!'

'You get away from me!'

'Get him. Oh, God! Oh, God! No!'

Open this door! Open this door!

Let me in! Let me in!

No! No! Let me in! Let me in!

Looks like we got ourselves a little privacy.

Open the door.

- 'Oh, my God!' - I don't have a death wish?

This is beautiful.

Get off me. Please, no! Stop!

'Oh, God! Oh, God!'

It's locked.

It's a prison. No amount of karate is gonna open this.

What about Presley?

Sweet baby Jesus.

I don't do bodily fluids.

- We have to help her. - And what?

Let the succubus that just turned Presley

into a smoothie in.

- She's got a point. - When did you turn Team Skank?

Who says skank anymore?

I have had about all I can take from you.

- Bring it. - Yeah?

- Yeah. Come on. - Fine. Stop...

'Help!'

I can't hear a thing!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Is anybody there?

Somebody help us, please. Hello?

It's dead.

Horribly ironic choice of words.

There's got to be another phone in here somewhere.

I'm not dying in detention today.

Nobody is dead.

Um, there is pretty compelling evidence to the contrary

coming under the door out there.

I am going to find a way out.

- Ah! - Oh, what..

Now what are we gonna do?

'Attention, students.'

There is a ghost. There is.

No, there is no such thing as ghosts.

Oh, yeah?

'This prison is unavoidably'

'detained at this time.'

A lot of people died here.

- Bad, bad people. - That is not a ghost.

That's some nut who also has control over all the doors.

'Where is that coming from?'

Maybe it's someone who can help us.

Can you hear us?

'The rules have changed.'

Not sounding super helpful.

We're locked in the holding room.

- Please, let us out. - What do you want from us?

Where is she? Where is Miss Presley?

'I am your new principal.'

What are we supposed to do?

I think we're supposed to bounce.

Yeah, and get full-scale Presleyed.

Well, we can't stay here.

She's not there.

Uh, let's go.

- Uh, this is not okay. - Ugh.

Eww.

Okay, what's the plan?

Presley obviously went that way.

And that's where our cell phones are.

Huh? Oh, hell, no.

I am not going down the trail of smears.

Unh-unh.

- Maybe I am. - Uh-huh.

- Great. - Come on.

What?

What if the killer's in there waiting with a blowtorch?

Don't worry, baby.

Mama's got it covered.

Huh.

Okay.

We gotta find the cell phones.

Eww.

Uh-huh.

What?

What do we do now?

We find a way out.

Duh, Jessica.

This place is totally haunted.

Ghost is out for blood.

Don't be ridiculous.

There is no such thing as ghosts.

"When they saw him walk across the lake

"they were terrified.

"'It's a ghost, ' they cried.

"But Jesus immediately said

"'Take courage for it is I.

Do not be afraid.'"

There is a ghost.

The forgotten prisoner of Way View Prison.

This place used to be a prison

for the criminally insane.

I looked it up when I, uh, found out

we were having detention here.

When they closed this place

one prisoner got left behind.

She was locked in solitary confinement.

They found her cold, lifeless body weeks later.

They say she is still here

haunting the halls.

Thanks for creeping me out even more, freak show.

Guys, there is no such thing as ghosts.

You're right. It's not a ghost.

It's Presley.

Did you see the blood mile back there?

- Fake. - Presley's dead.

She's messing with us.

She's a total wack job.

'This is just the kind of sick, twisted crap'

that hag would pull to try to freak us out.

You might have a point, Lexi.

Mm-hmm. Hmm.

I do have a point.

'Damn it.'

I don't think that's gonna work.

They can't all be locked.

One of them has to be the way out.

It's closed.

I got assurances to go in there.

Maybe this is the way.

After you.

Maybe..

Okay, this feels like a setup. Let's just call her bluff.

Jesus. Will you put that thing away?

You nearly stabbed me.

'Who's going to make it to the end of the deadly detention?'

Okay, Presley, very funny.

We know it's you.

So come out, come out wherever you are.

When I say Marco, you say Polo, biatch.

Marco.

'Polo.'

- Taylor. - Jesus.

She is in here. We just have to find her.

Okay.

Principal Presley, you got us.

'You totally did.'

You know, if you could just come out

we promise we'll be good kids and we'll sit down

and finish our essays and, and we solemnly swear

we will never do anything bad ever again, okay?

'Just, just come out.'

Holy crap. We have to help Presley.

I didn't mean to call her a bitch.

I mean, she's totally a bitch

but, but now, she's dead.

Isn't she?

I don't know. I don't feel a pulse.

You're doing it wrong. You have to do it at the neck.

No, I think the left wrist will be better if you just go from the left wrist.

- 'Are you sure?' - 'I don't know. I saw a docu...'

- 'No, I'm pretty sure.' - '...the neck, the left neck...'

Do any of you two doctors wanna get down here

and do this yourself?

- You? - Um..

- Nah, I'm cool. I'm okay. - Yeah, I'm okay.

Check to see if she has a Fitbit.

All old people wear Fitbits.

It tells you if there's a pulse

and how many calories you've burned.

Check it!

'Attention, students.'

'Please step away from the body.'

So much for Presley pranking us.

We gotta go.

Guys, wait, wait, wait.

This isn't right. Someone should say something.

- Me? - You knew her best.

Since when does being most likely to get expelled

qualify you to eulogize your dead bludgeoned principal

in the middle of a freaking meat locker.

The Lord will guide you. Come on, I got you.

Fine. Whatever.

Oh, wait.

Thanks.

Okay, here's the thing.

Presley was a piece of crotch rot.

I freakin' hated her.

And standing over her dead

twisted, waste of a middle-aged body

has been my soft, wet fantasy

for the last three and a half years.

But I didn't know it would be so gross

so I am sorry for that.

Mostly because I think I'm gonna puke right now.

Amen!

Ugh.

Look at you, bein' all nice.

What? I just, I don't want her to come back

and haunt me for that trophy.

You know, it's okay if you liked her.

Which way now, Pocahontas?

Um, I think you mean Sacagawea.

Pocahontas wasn't a guy.

She was actually more of a, uh..

Well, answers that.

Yeah, right, and fall right into that trap?

No, gracias, I'll find my own way.

Wait.

What? It's not a door to Narnia, honey.

I know, it's just..

There's something not right about that door.

Oh! Oh! I hate you so hard right now.

- Punk'd! Ah! - Douche.

I'm just.. Really?

I'm just tryin' to lighten up the mood.

Ugh!

'It's even less funny the second time, Barrett. Let's go.'

Oh, shit!

- Holy shit! - No, don't touch him!

Don't touch him! You're gonna shock yourself!

Barrett. No! Oh!

- Barrett. - Okay. We have to find a spoon.

We have to put it in his mouth so he doesn't bite down on his tongue.

That's for seizures.

Slap his face or something.

Barrett, come on.

- Kiss him. - That's fairytales.

Really, guys? You need to bone up on your basic first aid.

It's a reflex. If she kisses him

then he might kiss her back.

You do it then.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, he's really comin' around.

Okay. He's alive.

- Hi. - Hi.

- What happened? - You got shocked by that door.

Oh.

- Thanks for reviving me. - My pleasure.

Alright, upsy-daisy.

Great, I smell like barbeque.

Well, you don't taste like it.

Alright, break it up.

We are in imminent danger, people.

'Think it's safe to assume'

all the wrong doors are booby-trapped.

Yeah, duh. 'Cause the forgotten prisoner

wants us to follow her evil map.

It is not the forgotten prisoner.

Okay, then what the hell is it?

'No one leaves till detention is over.'

Show yourself, you fucking coward.

That's great. Question his moral character.

Ghosts really like that.

It is not a ghost.

It is a ghost.

I'm kind of leaning towards ghost too.

I don't care if it's a ghost.

I just wanna get away from you freaks.

Hey, come on. Now..

No, bring it in. Bring it in, guys.

Get in here. Break.. It's called a huddle. Bring it in.

Uh, go around me. Come on.

Oh, alright. No.

No.

Okay.

Listen, whatever this

this thing is, we have to ignore it

and just keep trying to find a way out.

It is just trying to scare us

and we can't let it get the best of us.

The more you allow it to freak you out

the less focus you will have to do what you need to do

to survive, to win.

'I can hear you.'

There are no other options.

Keep your eyes on the prize.

We get out there on that field

and we run that ball, and we are gonna win.

That's what we're gonna do. We're gonna win.

Ready? On nine.

Ready? One, two, three

four, five..

Whatever, guys.

Six, seven. This is..

Eight, nine!

Alright! Be the best.

Alright..

Uh..

Barrett, lead pipe in the kitchen, huh?

Hmm. Yeah, this is yours. Let's go.

Alright, um.. Oh.

Sharp and pointy, Lexi.

Sounds just like you.

Alright, and ooh.

I've got a stake. Let's go, bitches.

So, uh, how did you get detention?

You don't seem like a rule breaker.

Graffiti on the gym wall.

Wait, that was you that put Jesus ate my homework

in pink and gold sparkle in the gym?

What do you think? No.

Jesus would have turned in my homework.

'Wait, what?'

- You didn't do it? - No.

'Everyone just assumed it was me.'

Plus, they found the spray paint and the glitter in my locker.

- Wait. That wasn't yours? - No.

Well, at least not the spray paint.

Besides, I will not waste my glitter

on a high school gym wall, okay, girl?

- Yeah. - Same happened to me.

Oh, they found your glitter stash too?

Cute, but no.

They found a bottle of vodka in my locker in a locker sweep.

Only it wasn't mine. It wasn't even my brand.

I wanna know what Miss MVP did to get detention.

One day, the volleyball nets were slashed

and someone said I was the last one

leaving the gym the night before.

I would never damage school property.

'That sucks.'

Hey, you're in detention too. What did you do?

Someone called me a tranny, and I punched her in the face.

So you were framed too, huh?

No. I punched her.

'Come on, guys.'

What's that smell?

The funk of 40,000 years.

Be careful. It's dark and slippery in here.

- That's what she said. - Shut up, Barrett.

Um, did you Google Maps the spookiest path available

or was this an accident? I'm confused.

I just felt what my senses told me was the right way.

Great. Now jock girl has spidey senses.

You wanna lead?

You guys, nobody asked me if I wanted to lead.

- Do you? - No.

Wait. Did you hear that?

- 'Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!' - 'Come on!'

Oh, my God! Ah. Ah.

- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! - Go!

- Go! - Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

- Get in, get in! - Shut it!

Oh, my God.

I told you guys, there is a ghost.

What is that? Oh, my God! What is that?

It's gas!

- 'Kevin!' - God.

Guys, it's gas. Cover your mouth.

- Kevin, I need your jacket. - Here, here, here, here!

- 'What are you doing?' - My hat! My hat!

- 'Taylor!' - Wait, let me help you!

Barrett.

Come on, I need it. Come on!

- 'Ah!' - Go, go, go!

You follow me.

'Come on!'

'Taylor, come on!'

Stay on the poles, guys. The tiles can't hold our weight.

'Go. Go.'

Oh, shit.

'Yo. Wait, wait, girl.'

I was just sayin', like, if you wanna attract the ladies

you should dress more sexy, you know.

Get better pants or somethin'.

Shut up, Barrett.

'I'm just trying to help.'

What's wrong? Are you stuck?

I'm fine. Uh, just go.

Okay. Ooh.

Go.

Whoa.

No, no, Kevin!

Ah.

Hey.

Hey, Jessica, you okay?

Hm.

Where is Taylor? Did she make it?

Barrett?

- Barrett, are you okay? - Hm?

Hmm.

- Oh. - What the hell happened?

We fell.

- Oh. - Where is everybody?

I don't know.

What's wrong? Are you okay?

I think I just fractured my coccyx.

- Oh. - Stupid.

'You okay? Oh.'

'Oh, where is Taylor? Did she make it?'

I don't think so.

Where's Lexi and Barrett?

I don't know.

- Ow. - Oh, man.

I'm sorry. You okay?

Oh.

Oh, my ankle.

I think I landed wrong in the fall.

Oh.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

I think it's just sprained.

I'll be okay. Thanks.

Shit.

- Ow. - Okay, what's this?

Ah. Where have you been hiding this the whole time?

Got it from my dad last night.

- Sharing is caring. - Yep.

Yo.

Can I have some?

Be my guest.

Ow.

Do you think it will hurt?

Dying.

Um, maybe.

Got any last wishes?

To be really wasted when it happens.

Yeah.

It's fucking creepy in here.

Here.

Got any last wishes?

I just wanna be happy.

Don't you?

I guess.

What have you got to be unhappy about?

You have everything.

I guess, yeah.

I'm loaded, hot.

Everybody loves me. Ow.

Come on, Kev.

You gotta use it. We gotta go.

Okay, okay, okay. Ugh.

It's like all that stupid shit they say on "Oprah."

Ow.

You haven't been looking in the right cookie jars.

You can't screw your way to nirvana either.

Maybe not, but it sure is worth a try.

- Be careful, it's slippery. - Yeah, I got it.

- How you doing, man? - I'm okay, okay. You go on.

Don't stop.

Wait! Might be booby-trapped.

You, you wanna get out of here, right?

Yeah.

Be the best.

Yes!

- 'Come on.' - Damn, girl.

No! Dead end.

Shit.

Oh, no!

What is that thing?

Don't worry about it.

- You're scared? - Yeah.

No. No, I don't get scared.

It's weak.

- It's human. - Same thing.

How could I be so stupid?

I walked us into a dead end!

Ow!

Alright, come here.

Come here, come here.

Let me see.

Really?

Look, you got a little crazy on you, honey.

Don't worry, I got it.

Just leave it.

We're gonna die in five minutes, anyway.

So that's it. You just, just giving up?

You see any chance of us getting out of here alive?

Well, no.

But I still have hope.

Crap.

I don't cry either.

Well, look at you.

You're havin' all kinds of new experiences today

sports robot.

'I can't die yet.'

And what makes you so special?

'I haven't made him proud yet.'

You haven't made who proud of you yet?

My dad.

Ah.

So is, is that what all this be-the-best crap is about?

Okay, look.

I'm assuming

that back at that rabid possum-infested dump

we call high school

is a beautiful glass-front trophy case

filled with all the little awards

that sporting sportsters just like yourself win, right?

I'm looking for a response here, honey.

Yeah.

And it's also safe to assume

that more than a few of those shiny little chalices

and medals have your name on them.

Right?

And who wins the awards?

- The best. - I can't hear you.

- The best. - You better testify!

The best.

Listen, you've already been the best.

And you don't have to prove it to anyone

but yourself now.

Okay?

Thank you.

Of course.

You wanna do it again?

Hashtag YOLO.

- How's your ankle? - I'm okay.

'Come on, we gotta hurry.'

Believe me, I'm trying.

We gotta run. Come on.

Kevin!

Kevin!

Kevin!

Where did you go?

Kevin!

Kev!

Oh! You're so freakin' hot.

You're so freakin' hot.

Ah! Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Guys!

Hello?

Barrett!

'Lexi!'

Anybody!

Hello?

'Barrett!'

'Guys!'

You're alive.

Oh, I thought I was the only one left.

Where's Kevin?

One second he was with me and next he was gone.

- Barrett, what is on your face? - What?

- Wait, get it off. - Oh!

You're so freaking pretty. It's just lipstick, Barrett.

Dude, be specific, okay?

We're in a shit storm right now.

'Please return to the holding area.'

I cannot believe I'm going to die

and the two of you are the last people I'll ever see.

'Way to bring us down, Jessica.'

Yeah. Way to bring us down, Jessica.

It is all your fault.

What are you talking about?

Do you even care that Kevin's dead?

You just ran off to bump uglies or whatever

instead of trying to find a way out.

And if just for one second you had thought about anything

other than getting off..

...he would still be here.

At least Kevin was halfway interesting.

As far as I can tell, you're just the champion

of whiny and bossy.

It's not that I don't care, Jessica.

I'm just sorry it wasn't you.

Excru...

- Shut up, Barrett. - Shut up, Barrett.

Listen up, proud Mary.

I don't make excuses for the way I live my life.

But I live it.

And if I am gonna kick it in this janky-ass prison

where the smell of piss and desperation

are making my eyes water

then the last words out of my smiling lips

are going to be "no regrets."

Can you say the same thing?

I'm just going to assume this crazy

is the syphilis talking.

- What? You have syphilis? - No, Barrett.

Don't go setting your wiener on fire yet, okay?

Look, what is bugging you?

I feel like neither of you are trying.

Is there a way that I'm supposed to act

when we are being stalked by a faceless killer?

'Please return to the holding area.'

- Oh. - Shut up, we get it!

Have you guys noticed there aren't any mirrors

in this place?

Are you kidding me?

I mean, I guess certainly criminals

don't care what they look like.

Impending doom awaits us around every corner

and all Barrett wants is a facial.

Look, if I'm gonna die today, I still wanna go out hot.

How can you joke about that right now?

I don't want to die.

I don't wanna joke about dying.

Why are you getting pissed at me?

Because, Barrett

because you're a such a piece of nothing.

You're like a waste of beautiful space.

Shut up, Jessica.

Your biggest fear

is running out of hair gel.

I said shut up.

Not getting enough likes on Instagram.

Hey, I said shut up, okay?

Stop hating.

We all live in our little bubbles, right?

You're the athlete. Kevin was all nerdy for Jesus.

I don't know what Taylor was, but maybe that was her thing.

You're a slut.

Come on, Lexi.

You talk like it. You dress like it.

I, in fact, have personal experience

to back this observation up.

Look, somewhere along the way, we all picked the part

and now we play them, okay?

Don't get pissed at me for picking popular.

I'm not you, Barrett.

Yeah, but deep down, you kinda wanna be.

You're a total jerk.

Whatever.

I don't know why he's such a dick.

Haters gonna hate, but Barrett's always great.

Jessica, look, I'm sorry, okay?

I didn't, I mean, I've always been a dick.

So at least I'm honest, right?

I mean, I'm sorry.

Barrett.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Barrett.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. His face.

We shouldn't have left him.

Barrett, I'm so sorry.

He just wanted to die hot.

'And he looks awful.'

Oh, he's gonna be so pissed.

He's dead, Lexi.

Ghost pissed, Jessica. I'm not stupid.

We have to find out who's doing this to us.

You're right.

And when we find that asshole

we're gonna fork him up.

Damn right.

What? Are you gonna flip him over when he's done?

Slap his face?

- No. - No.

Alright.

Be the best!

Okay, that was good.

Um, but a little less cheerleader.

A little more assassin.

But I really, like, I felt it was very powerful...

'Come on.'

Eww, there's poop everywhere.

Kevin.

I'm gonna get you, asshole.

This prison's only so big.

The killer has to be here somewhere.

'Attention, ladies, this is your principal.'

Where are you, Principal Chicken Shit?

Stay close.

'Congratulations. You are the sole survivors.'

What do we win? A plaque or a trophy?

'Look out.'

This is fun. Aren't we having fun today, ladies?

I know I sure I am.

Look.

Why is there a shrine of Jenny Duke?

I don't know, but that's really weird.

No! No.

No.

No, please, stop that..

Oh, my hair! Oww!

You.

Urgh!

Really? The hall cop.

You find that amusing?

No. I find that incredibly fuckin' lame.

Shut your slutty little mouth.

Suck me, hall cop.

Hall cop.

I'm just some invisible nobody to you people.

But I see things.

I hear things. I know things.

And, young lady, I have got the power now.

Oh, yeah. You're a real superhero.

You know, I made all this happen.

Did you know that?

This is my impressed face.

Do you know how hard it is to sneak 50 opossums

'into a public high school?'

Opossum.

It's pretty ingenious, you have to admit.

'And that's just the tip of the iceberg.'

It was me who made sure you all got detention.

Yeah. Leave a little clue here.

Give information to the right people there.

And it worked.

And I would have gotten away with it too

if it weren't for you meddling kids.

I made sure all of you narcissistic, hateful brats

were under one roof with no way out and no one else around.

Not a soul.

Wanna see?

Scream.

Go ahead. Scream as loud as you can.

Scream, slut.

Jessica! Jessica, where are you?

Jessica! Jessica, where are you?

Man, I wish I brought some popcorn to this show.

She's gone, sweetie.

She really lost her head.

They're all gone.

'And you're next.'

Please, okay.

Just, please, let me go.

'I won't tell anybody.'

Please, just, please let me go, Mr..

...Hall Cop.

You don't know my name, do you?

Officer Hall Cop?

You see me every day for the past four years

and you don't even know my name?

I bet you didn't know I have a daughter either.

Had..

...a daughter.

You're Jenny's dad.

She was beautiful.

Smart as a whip and filled with dream.

'She was gonna be an architect.'

Unh, unh, unh.

She made me laugh.

I mean, dang, this girl

knew how to tickle my funny bone.

I can still hear her voice..

...each night when I go to sleep.

Goodnight, daddy.

Sounded like a little bell ringing.

And then she'd sing to me.

♪ After you've gone ♪

♪ After you've gone away ♪♪

But she's gone now.

She'll never..

'...go to prom..'

...or graduate or go to college.

I know, I know.

Must be hard to believe, huh?

How could such a smart and pretty girl

be the daughter of a lowly hall cop?

I told her not to tell anyone that I was her dad.

I didn't want you wolves making fun of her.

It didn't matter.

People made fun of her for other things.

She wasn't the prettiest.

She didn't have as much money.

- 'She was shy.' - She had friends.

You wolves ate her alive.

You all did, chewed her up and spit her out.

That's not true.

All of you jocks and populars

and holier-than-thous who think you're so much better than...

We didn't hurt Jenny. I never hurt...

Don't interrupt me!

She was a delicate, little flower..

...and you bullied her.

You crushed her.

You crushed her until she couldn't take it anymore.

So she slit her wrists.

You might as well have held the razor blade.

No! I didn't kill Jenny.

Yes, you did.

You killed her.

You're a whore.

Yes. You're gonna pay for what you did to my Jenny.

You're gonna pay for what you did to..

Jenny.

Where did you get this?

Where did you get this?

- Jenny was my best friend. - You're a liar.

This is Jenny's locket. You stole it.

She gave it to me.

I didn't know it was a goodbye gift.

You're lying. I would have known.

Jenny told me everything.

She was always covered in bruises.

She tried to hide them, but I saw.

Shut up.

She told me her father had a real temper problem

but that she was handling it.

You can't turn her against me.

You're right. I can't because she's dead.

She checked out of Hotel Abusive Father aka her life.

I didn't kill Jenny. You did!

Shut up! Shut up.

- Please. - Shut up.

Lexi! Lexi. Lexi.

Lexi, wake up. Wake, wake up, honey.

There you are.

God, I never thought I'd say this

but I am so happy to see...

Zombie Presley!

- No. No! - Get off me, you bitch!

I'm here! I'm alive!

Lexi, look at me, I'm alive. I'm alive.

I am here, and I'm alive.

- Presley? - Yes. Yes. Okay?

Okay, but there was a lot of blood

and you, you looked like shit.

Yeah, but I don't go down that easy, okay.

Here, let me help you up. Here we go, upsy-daisy.

You promise you're not a zombie.

I promise I'm not a zombie.

Hundred percent human.

Okay, there you go.

Oh. Thanks for leaving behind the trophy.

Came in handy.

I don't understand. Was this all a joke?

No, honey. It wasn't a joke.

Assembly's gonna be really depressing Monday morning.

What do we do?

Well, I always like to start with the good news

and I transition into the bad.

Oh, when there's a pep rally Wednesday

which is really gonna pump up...

No, Presley. About him?

Leave it there.

Someone always picks up the trash eventually.

I'll take this.

Hey, I'm sorry I called you crotch rot.

- What? - Nothing.

Okay. Oh, watch your step.

'What about everybody else?'

Well, considering old Pete did

such a bang-up job of offing me

I took the liberty of checking a couple of pulses.

I'm not saying they're going to look cute come Picture Day

but they won't look dead.

Well, how about that? I saved us all.

I thought I saved us all.

Yeah, well, you also think that dress goes with those pumps

but we all make mistakes.

Ah, I see. So we're back to the game already.

Mutual respect is so boring.

Do that again and you can join your little friends

on the ride to the ER.

I'm assuming that surviving multiple murder attempts

gets me a pass on those extra Saturdays, right?

Try coming back from the dead and we can talk about it.

That's weird. I'm actually..

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