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God bless America again
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You must know the trouble that she's in
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Wash her pretty face
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Dry her eyes and then
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God bless America again
6
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You know
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I wish God would bless America again
8
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Like he did way back there
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When it all began
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He blessed her then
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But we sort of took it for granted
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And didn't ask again
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So let's just kinda hold her hand now
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That's all
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In case she stumbles
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Let's don't let her fall
17
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Let's go live to TV 10's Kelly Breen.
18
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It's a big day in Niagara Falls, new York,
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Where the presidential motorcade
20
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Will pass by in a few moments.
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The turnout is pretty much nonexistent,
22
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Which is rather surprising.
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This is the first time
24
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A president has been here since 1901,
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When William mckinley stopped by and was shot.
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God bless America again
27
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You must know the trouble that she's in
28
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Wash her pretty face
29
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Dry her eyes and then
30
00:02:36,862 --> 00:02:41,867
God bless America again
31
00:02:41,867 --> 00:02:45,871
Ah-ahh
32
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I don't understand everything I read and hear
33
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About what's wrong with America
34
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When you don't have a lot of book learning
35
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There's many things you don't understand
36
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But I know this much
37
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She's like a mother to me
38
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I love her with all my heart
39
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And let me tell you this, mister
40
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Everything I am or ever hope to be
41
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I owe to her
42
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Topping the president's
Agenda today will be a speech
43
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At the recently closed Hacker defense plant.
44
00:03:21,407 --> 00:03:24,527
Hacker was closed,
10,000 employees laid off
45
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Due to the end of the cold war,
46
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Which rendered useless
47
00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:29,432
The military supplies they produced there.
48
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The public is being encouraged
49
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To not only hear the president,
50
00:03:33,536 --> 00:03:36,038
But also pick up on a bargain.
51
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There are some good deals left on items
52
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Ranging from missiles to light armament.
53
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One of those laid-off employees this morning
54
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Had quite an altercation.
55
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This ex-Hacker employee
56
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Is trying to deface the image of R.J. Hacker,
57
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The chairman of that company.
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He got away before he could be apprehended.
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God bless America again
60
00:04:04,316 --> 00:04:11,207
You must know the trouble that she's in
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Wash her pretty face
62
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Dry her eyes and then
63
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:26,972
God bless America again
64
00:04:26,972 --> 00:04:34,847
Oh, please God bless America again
65
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Shit!
66
00:05:33,155 --> 00:05:34,056
Meanwhile, in other news,
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Due to the record number of laid-off workers
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00:05:36,158 --> 00:05:38,060
jumping to their death in Niagara Falls,
69
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,564
The city council has just
Approved an incentive program.
70
00:05:41,664 --> 00:05:43,065
Sheriff's deputies who talk
someone out of jumping
71
00:05:43,165 --> 00:05:45,668
Will be getting $25.
72
00:05:45,668 --> 00:05:47,069
If they go in to retrieve the body,
73
00:05:47,169 --> 00:05:48,704
they'll be getting $50.
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00:05:48,804 --> 00:05:53,425
Jump!
Jump! Jump!
75
00:05:53,425 --> 00:05:54,827
What'll this one make?
76
00:05:54,927 --> 00:05:56,328
Uh...
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The third one today.
78
00:05:59,431 --> 00:06:01,433
Uh, ninth this week.
79
00:06:01,433 --> 00:06:06,572
Man, are we racking up the grief bonus!
80
00:06:06,572 --> 00:06:07,973
450 bucks,
81
00:06:08,073 --> 00:06:09,592
and the week's not over yet.
82
00:06:09,692 --> 00:06:11,944
Stick with me, Honey.
83
00:06:11,944 --> 00:06:13,345
Things keep going like this,
84
00:06:13,445 --> 00:06:14,276
we'll make what we
85
00:06:14,376 --> 00:06:15,347
used to make at Hacker.
86
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You know it.
87
00:06:20,836 --> 00:06:25,958
What's this guy doing up there?
88
00:06:29,595 --> 00:06:31,597
It's a free country.
89
00:06:31,597 --> 00:06:35,100
He doesn't like it here,
he can swim to Canada.
90
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,603
A lot of work there.
91
00:06:37,603 --> 00:06:41,724
Shut up and look at this.
92
00:06:42,224 --> 00:06:42,758
Hey, isn't that--
93
00:06:42,858 --> 00:06:45,361
It's our good friend,
Roy boy.
94
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:46,629
Jump!
95
00:06:46,729 --> 00:06:48,631
No, no! He's wearing my good hat!
96
00:06:48,731 --> 00:06:49,632
Let's help him out.
97
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Great.
98
00:06:51,233 --> 00:06:52,635
Don't jump, Roy boy,
99
00:06:52,735 --> 00:06:59,241
don't jump!
Help is on the way!
100
00:07:01,744 --> 00:07:03,395
Huh?
101
00:07:03,495 --> 00:07:04,897
Nice shootin'!
102
00:07:04,997 --> 00:07:06,649
All right!
103
00:07:06,749 --> 00:07:09,001
Who did this?
104
00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:11,754
Medic.
105
00:07:11,754 --> 00:07:13,656
That was a beautiful thing you just did, Honey.
106
00:07:13,756 --> 00:07:17,259
God, I love you.
107
00:07:17,259 --> 00:07:19,259
Just kidding.
Ha ha ha!
108
00:07:19,261 --> 00:07:21,261
Ha ha ha!
109
00:07:21,263 --> 00:07:23,263
I was kidding.
110
00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:29,972
Let me get this straight.
111
00:07:30,072 --> 00:07:32,691
You shot me
112
00:07:32,691 --> 00:07:35,227
because I didn't want to go on living?
113
00:07:35,327 --> 00:07:36,729
Yeah. You want me to finish the job?
114
00:07:36,829 --> 00:07:38,230
Relax, Honey.
115
00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:40,232
Roy boy, would you please pipe down?
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I was trying to make a statement
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about our plight.
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At least the plight of those
whose uncle ain't the mayor.
119
00:07:47,706 --> 00:07:49,608
Don't you mention my uncle Jack.
120
00:07:49,708 --> 00:07:51,710
You're thinking nepotism.
121
00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:54,613
I took that test and passed it fair and square.
122
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What about handing her a job?
123
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I�m your buddy.
124
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Don't you mention Honey like that.
125
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Look, you guys,
126
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,622
My life has been complete hell
127
00:08:03,722 --> 00:08:05,507
since Hacker laid me off.
128
00:08:05,607 --> 00:08:08,110
We know how you feel.
129
00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:10,112
We all feel the same way.
130
00:08:10,112 --> 00:08:12,014
We've all made big changes in our life
131
00:08:12,114 --> 00:08:13,515
since the plant closed down.
132
00:08:13,615 --> 00:08:15,615
That's right.
133
00:08:15,617 --> 00:08:18,520
If life hands you a lemon,
crush it into lemonade.
134
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,022
That's positive thinking.
135
00:08:20,122 --> 00:08:22,374
Come on, smile.
136
00:08:22,374 --> 00:08:26,128
Just what makes that little ol' ant
137
00:08:26,628 --> 00:08:29,631
think he'd move that rubber tree plant?
138
00:08:29,631 --> 00:08:31,633
Everyone knows an ant
139
00:08:32,134 --> 00:08:33,035
can't
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00:08:33,135 --> 00:08:35,137
move a rubber tree plant.
141
00:08:35,137 --> 00:08:35,537
'Cause he's got
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Roy boy, sing!
143
00:08:37,139 --> 00:08:38,540
High hopes
144
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,042
He's got
145
00:08:40,142 --> 00:08:42,144
High hopes
146
00:08:42,144 --> 00:08:43,662
He's got
147
00:08:43,762 --> 00:08:48,767
High-apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes
148
00:08:48,767 --> 00:08:51,520
So any time you're feelin' low
149
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:52,805
'Stead of lettin' go
150
00:08:52,905 --> 00:08:55,774
Just remember that ant
151
00:08:55,774 --> 00:08:59,778
Woops, there goes another rubber tree
152
00:08:59,778 --> 00:09:02,781
Woops, there goes another rubber tree
153
00:09:02,781 --> 00:09:06,285
Woops, there goes another rubber tree plant
154
00:09:06,285 --> 00:09:08,285
Ker-plop!?
155
00:09:16,795 --> 00:09:17,696
President here yet, Riley?
156
00:09:17,796 --> 00:09:18,697
Officer Riley.
157
00:09:18,797 --> 00:09:20,199
Oh, sure.
Sorry.
158
00:09:20,299 --> 00:09:21,700
You fellas need any backup here,
159
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,202
Officer Riley?
160
00:09:23,302 --> 00:09:24,586
I don't think so, sheriff.
161
00:09:24,686 --> 00:09:26,205
Ok.
162
00:09:26,305 --> 00:09:31,560
You finding a lot of
roadkill this year, sheriff?
163
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:32,711
We get to keep what we find.
164
00:09:32,811 --> 00:09:34,213
Ha ha ha!
165
00:09:34,313 --> 00:09:37,316
Ha ha.
166
00:09:37,316 --> 00:09:37,966
Forgive me.
Where are my manners?
167
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This is my woman deputy, Honey.
168
00:09:40,202 --> 00:09:41,603
Honey's been a real asset
169
00:09:41,703 --> 00:09:47,709
since she got her parole.
170
00:09:47,709 --> 00:09:48,727
Next, I have an unused,
171
00:09:48,827 --> 00:09:50,112
air-delivered, chemical weapon
172
00:09:50,212 --> 00:09:53,081
guaranteed death within 3 minutes.
173
00:09:53,081 --> 00:09:56,585
What do I hear for this
miracle of modern science?
174
00:09:56,585 --> 00:09:57,986
Spread 'em, or i�ll blow your brains out.
175
00:09:58,086 --> 00:10:00,589
Ha ha ha!
176
00:10:00,589 --> 00:10:01,990
Where the hell you guys been?
177
00:10:02,090 --> 00:10:04,593
Pulling stiffs out of the Falls.
178
00:10:04,593 --> 00:10:06,495
You promised I could pull
the stiffs out this time.
179
00:10:06,595 --> 00:10:07,996
I need the money.
180
00:10:08,096 --> 00:10:10,098
We never got the $50.
181
00:10:10,098 --> 00:10:14,102
We stopped Roy boy from jumping off.
182
00:10:14,603 --> 00:10:16,505
What you�re jumping off the Falls now?
183
00:10:16,605 --> 00:10:18,006
I was making a statement.
184
00:10:18,106 --> 00:10:19,508
Stop with the statement thing.
185
00:10:19,608 --> 00:10:20,509
Get us a beer.
186
00:10:20,609 --> 00:10:24,613
I do love an auction.
187
00:10:25,113 --> 00:10:27,516
What do I hear for this beautiful, wire-guided,
188
00:10:27,616 --> 00:10:29,518
uranium-tipped fire-and-forget thing?
189
00:10:29,618 --> 00:10:31,019
Who'll give me $1,000?
190
00:10:31,119 --> 00:10:32,521
1,000, 1,000, 1,000?
191
00:10:32,621 --> 00:10:33,522
$500, then.
192
00:10:33,622 --> 00:10:35,624
Have $500 anyone?
193
00:10:35,624 --> 00:10:37,624
$500, my ass.
194
00:10:37,626 --> 00:10:39,027
Come on,
ladies and gentlemen.
195
00:10:39,127 --> 00:10:40,529
Built right here in Niagara Falls.
196
00:10:40,629 --> 00:10:42,631
You can own one.
197
00:10:43,131 --> 00:10:44,533
You built it.
You can own it now.
198
00:10:44,633 --> 00:10:46,635
300, 300, 300, 4.
199
00:10:46,635 --> 00:10:48,637
400, 400, 400, 400, 5.
200
00:10:48,637 --> 00:10:51,139
Can we get out of here?
201
00:10:51,139 --> 00:10:53,041
All these guns and white
people are making me nervous.
202
00:10:53,141 --> 00:10:55,043
Ease off with that 'white people' stuff.
203
00:10:55,143 --> 00:10:58,780
You got me looking at 'em funny.
204
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:01,283
I�ve got 25, 26, 25, 26.
205
00:11:01,283 --> 00:11:04,036
Sold! $25.
206
00:11:04,036 --> 00:11:04,937
All right.
207
00:11:05,037 --> 00:11:07,039
Here you go.
208
00:11:07,039 --> 00:11:09,039
Next, we have...
209
00:11:14,296 --> 00:11:15,697
Pardon me.
210
00:11:15,797 --> 00:11:18,800
Out of the way.
Let me by.
211
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,303
Anyone!
Could I have $100, please?
212
00:11:21,303 --> 00:11:23,805
Give me that microphone.
213
00:11:24,306 --> 00:11:25,707
I reckon all of you know me.
214
00:11:25,807 --> 00:11:28,810
I�m R.J. Hacker,
and I own Hacker dynamics
215
00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:30,212
and Hacker aerospace,
216
00:11:30,312 --> 00:11:31,713
Time-Hacker,
217
00:11:31,813 --> 00:11:33,215
Hacker-upjohn,
218
00:11:33,315 --> 00:11:35,717
and a bunch of others I don't even remember,
219
00:11:35,817 --> 00:11:37,336
and you don't care.
220
00:11:37,436 --> 00:11:39,338
You're upset because I closed this plant
221
00:11:39,438 --> 00:11:42,324
and put you out on the street.
222
00:11:42,324 --> 00:11:45,827
Well, I want you to know I�m upset, too.
223
00:11:45,827 --> 00:11:48,837
In fact, I get choked up thinking about it.
224
00:12:03,211 --> 00:12:05,213
Boo!
Boo!
225
00:12:10,719 --> 00:12:13,722
Shit.
226
00:12:13,722 --> 00:12:14,623
Pill-popping freaks.
227
00:12:14,723 --> 00:12:16,124
Look at this trash.
228
00:12:16,224 --> 00:12:18,226
Just garbage.
Human garbage.
229
00:12:18,226 --> 00:12:20,629
Look. That's what we get for kicking butt
230
00:12:20,729 --> 00:12:23,131
in every goddamn corner of the world.
231
00:12:23,231 --> 00:12:26,311
Why do we have to be here at these closings?
232
00:12:26,735 --> 00:12:27,636
General, we're here
233
00:12:27,736 --> 00:12:29,137
to show the people that we care.
234
00:12:29,237 --> 00:12:30,488
Let's put on
235
00:12:30,588 --> 00:12:32,741
a happy face, shall we?
236
00:12:32,741 --> 00:12:35,394
Used to be that you had your Russian reds,
237
00:12:35,494 --> 00:12:37,996
your Cuban red,
Hollywood red.
238
00:12:37,996 --> 00:12:39,398
Here a red, there a red,
everywhere a red red.
239
00:12:39,498 --> 00:12:41,500
E-i-e-i-o.
240
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:44,503
But it kept us on our toes.
241
00:12:44,503 --> 00:12:47,005
We didn't know who to mistrust,
242
00:12:47,506 --> 00:12:49,408
but we had to defend ourselves.
243
00:12:49,508 --> 00:12:52,518
You had good jobs to put meat on the table.
244
00:12:53,011 --> 00:12:55,914
But today we find ourselves being destroyed
245
00:12:56,014 --> 00:12:58,517
not by the reds,
246
00:12:58,517 --> 00:13:00,419
but by a bunch of shortsighted,
247
00:13:00,519 --> 00:13:02,521
bleeding-heart,
248
00:13:02,521 --> 00:13:04,773
penny-pinching Washington wimps.
249
00:13:04,773 --> 00:13:06,174
Who is this guy?
250
00:13:06,274 --> 00:13:08,276
R.J. Hacker, sir.
251
00:13:08,276 --> 00:13:09,678
How about some credit?
252
00:13:09,778 --> 00:13:11,680
I�m the only president who
hasn't gotten us into a war.
253
00:13:11,780 --> 00:13:13,682
I think that's his point, sir.
254
00:13:13,782 --> 00:13:16,184
You have yet to send our boys into battle.
255
00:13:16,284 --> 00:13:18,286
Where nobody�s bothering us.
256
00:13:18,286 --> 00:13:20,789
Send them anywhere,
Sir.
257
00:13:20,789 --> 00:13:21,909
Guaranteed 30-point
258
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,191
boost in the polls.
259
00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:24,693
Well, I�m not going to start a war
260
00:13:24,793 --> 00:13:29,297
just to increase my popularity.
261
00:13:29,798 --> 00:13:31,199
What can I do for 20 points?
262
00:13:31,299 --> 00:13:32,701
...makes me want to commit acts
263
00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:34,336
I cannot utter in public.
264
00:13:34,436 --> 00:13:36,938
Here he is now--
265
00:13:37,439 --> 00:13:39,941
The man that a thin majority of you
266
00:13:40,442 --> 00:13:43,452
chose to be president of the United States.
267
00:13:56,825 --> 00:13:58,827
Stu.
268
00:13:58,827 --> 00:14:00,228
Little hard on the leader
269
00:14:00,328 --> 00:14:02,230
of the free world,
don't you think?
270
00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:05,333
It's just what he deserved.
271
00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:08,236
This peace ain't all it's cracked up to be.
272
00:14:08,336 --> 00:14:11,873
Especially if we keep laying
off thousands of voters.
273
00:14:11,973 --> 00:14:13,875
What would you suggest we do?
274
00:14:13,975 --> 00:14:15,677
To keep these
275
00:14:15,777 --> 00:14:17,379
factories open
276
00:14:17,479 --> 00:14:18,880
Should I call up the Russians,
277
00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:21,850
see if they want to get back into it?
278
00:14:21,850 --> 00:14:23,752
Don't you get sarcastic with me,
279
00:14:23,852 --> 00:14:25,854
you little piss ant!
280
00:14:25,854 --> 00:14:28,356
You just had an idea that I liked!
281
00:14:28,356 --> 00:14:30,258
I want you to follow up on it.
282
00:14:30,358 --> 00:14:32,260
See to it that those Russkies
283
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,863
get back in the cold war mode.
284
00:14:34,863 --> 00:14:38,867
If you don't, you'll go
right back where I found you.
285
00:14:38,867 --> 00:14:41,870
Now, don't make decisions.
Just do it.
286
00:14:41,870 --> 00:14:45,273
I want to thank you for that great welcome.
287
00:14:45,373 --> 00:14:47,776
You provided the power to win the cold war
288
00:14:47,876 --> 00:14:50,186
for the United States of America.
289
00:14:50,262 --> 00:14:51,663
If we could take what we spent
290
00:14:51,763 --> 00:14:55,267
on just one day of the cold war,
291
00:14:55,767 --> 00:14:58,286
we could put our children
through school for the year.
292
00:14:58,386 --> 00:15:00,772
Now's our chance to do it.
293
00:15:01,273 --> 00:15:03,175
Time to turn off that war machine
294
00:15:03,275 --> 00:15:04,926
and turn on our children.
295
00:15:05,026 --> 00:15:08,029
Ha ha!
296
00:15:08,029 --> 00:15:08,930
Turn...
297
00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:11,900
Turn...on our children.
298
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:13,802
The time has come,
fortunately,
299
00:15:13,902 --> 00:15:16,905
for us to beat our swords into plowshares.
300
00:15:16,905 --> 00:15:18,907
Excuse me.
Do you work here?
301
00:15:18,907 --> 00:15:20,308
You work here?
302
00:15:20,408 --> 00:15:23,295
I want to get a copy of the speech.
303
00:15:23,795 --> 00:15:25,197
A transcript or something?
304
00:15:25,297 --> 00:15:26,198
And you are...?
305
00:15:26,298 --> 00:15:27,699
Oh, I�m sorry.
306
00:15:27,799 --> 00:15:30,302
Sheriff Bud Boomer,
Niagara county.
307
00:15:30,302 --> 00:15:31,203
And your handle is?
308
00:15:31,303 --> 00:15:32,704
What?
Your name?
309
00:15:32,804 --> 00:15:33,205
Your name.
310
00:15:33,305 --> 00:15:35,807
Stuart Smiley,
311
00:15:35,807 --> 00:15:38,747
the president's national security advisor.
312
00:15:40,178 --> 00:15:42,080
Stu, you're just the guy we wanted to see.
313
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:46,184
Can you give us a deal at
our sheriff's department?
314
00:15:46,184 --> 00:15:48,587
We're looking for-- what do you call them?
315
00:15:48,687 --> 00:15:52,190
The m-1640-millimeter grenade launchers--
316
00:15:52,190 --> 00:15:54,192
Flash, fragmentation,
317
00:15:54,192 --> 00:15:55,093
incendiary illumination,
318
00:15:55,193 --> 00:15:56,595
and smoke.
319
00:15:56,695 --> 00:15:57,596
To go, please.
320
00:15:57,696 --> 00:15:59,698
Are we putting on a play?
321
00:15:59,698 --> 00:16:02,083
It's for civil disturbances only.
322
00:16:02,083 --> 00:16:05,587
'How many times...
323
00:16:05,587 --> 00:16:09,090
'Must the cannonballs fly...'
324
00:16:09,090 --> 00:16:10,492
You tell us.
325
00:16:10,592 --> 00:16:12,494
'...before they're forever banned?'
326
00:16:12,594 --> 00:16:13,995
Ugh.
327
00:16:14,095 --> 00:16:16,598
'The answer, my friend...
328
00:16:16,598 --> 00:16:21,102
'Is blowin' in the wind.
329
00:16:21,102 --> 00:16:23,102
'The answer, my friend...'
330
00:16:27,976 --> 00:16:29,878
O.k. I�m in command here.
Stay calm.
331
00:16:29,978 --> 00:16:32,230
Get off me!
332
00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:33,632
The sheriff has the eagle covered.
333
00:16:33,732 --> 00:16:36,735
It's an honor to meet you.
334
00:16:36,735 --> 00:16:38,637
I�m sorry I didn't vote for you.
335
00:16:38,737 --> 00:16:39,638
I had to stay home.
336
00:16:39,738 --> 00:16:41,139
The cable installers said they'd come--
337
00:16:41,239 --> 00:16:42,140
Get off me.
338
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,141
Pardon?
339
00:16:43,241 --> 00:16:44,643
Get off me!
340
00:16:44,743 --> 00:16:46,745
I�m sorry. Sure.
341
00:16:46,745 --> 00:16:48,745
Oh, god.
342
00:16:55,136 --> 00:16:56,416
Good thing for you.
343
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,290
The president liked me.
344
00:16:58,390 --> 00:17:00,292
Otherwise, you'd be in big trouble.
345
00:17:00,392 --> 00:17:02,794
Right. You must be really important, Boomer.
346
00:17:02,894 --> 00:17:04,045
You see cops last night?
347
00:17:04,145 --> 00:17:05,547
I wouldn't miss it.
348
00:17:05,647 --> 00:17:07,048
They kept the camera running
349
00:17:07,148 --> 00:17:08,049
while they were
350
00:17:08,149 --> 00:17:10,151
waling away on those guys.
351
00:17:10,151 --> 00:17:12,153
Whack, whack,
Whack, whack!
352
00:17:12,153 --> 00:17:15,156
Oh, it was awesome!
Ooh!
353
00:17:15,156 --> 00:17:17,559
You think we're ever gonna be on cops?
354
00:17:17,659 --> 00:17:19,661
Damn right we will.
355
00:17:19,661 --> 00:17:20,562
Wait'll they see me
356
00:17:20,662 --> 00:17:22,914
throwing myself on that grenade.
357
00:17:22,914 --> 00:17:24,816
You threw the president on the grenade.
358
00:17:24,916 --> 00:17:26,916
Well, whatever.
359
00:17:27,786 --> 00:17:29,437
Morning, Mr. President.
360
00:17:29,537 --> 00:17:30,939
Morning, sir.
361
00:17:31,039 --> 00:17:32,941
I have the results from the overnight tracking.
362
00:17:33,041 --> 00:17:35,043
Care to hear the damage?
363
00:17:35,543 --> 00:17:36,444
Yeah. I can take it.
364
00:17:36,544 --> 00:17:37,946
It's good news, sir.
365
00:17:38,046 --> 00:17:40,448
Immediately after the assassination attempt,
366
00:17:40,548 --> 00:17:43,335
we got a 15-point boost in the national polls.
367
00:17:43,435 --> 00:17:45,553
Ok.
368
00:17:45,553 --> 00:17:47,455
They dropped off considerably
369
00:17:47,555 --> 00:17:49,341
once word got out that you were still alive.
370
00:17:49,441 --> 00:17:52,801
But the initial massive gains the Dow Jones made
371
00:17:52,944 --> 00:17:55,184
after the assassination bulletin
372
00:17:55,313 --> 00:17:57,215
held for the entire business day.
373
00:17:57,315 --> 00:17:58,600
That's good news.
374
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,602
According to this,
rumors that you were
375
00:18:00,702 --> 00:18:02,103
clinically dead for 5 minutes,
376
00:18:02,203 --> 00:18:04,205
and returned to life
377
00:18:04,706 --> 00:18:06,608
boosted your rating with the religious right.
378
00:18:06,708 --> 00:18:08,109
That's good.
379
00:18:08,209 --> 00:18:12,213
But the voters felt that
your being alive or dead
380
00:18:12,213 --> 00:18:14,482
had no real bearing on their daily lives.
381
00:18:14,582 --> 00:18:16,484
You can take that a couple of ways.
382
00:18:16,584 --> 00:18:18,586
With all due respect, sir,
383
00:18:19,087 --> 00:18:20,622
enjoy your single term.
384
00:18:20,722 --> 00:18:23,591
You know, it's not fair.
385
00:18:23,591 --> 00:18:25,126
Every other president
386
00:18:25,226 --> 00:18:27,128
had the Russians to blame for everything.
387
00:18:27,228 --> 00:18:29,230
What have I got?
388
00:18:29,230 --> 00:18:31,633
It is really too bad that the Russians
389
00:18:31,733 --> 00:18:33,134
are no longer in the game.
390
00:18:33,234 --> 00:18:34,636
They weren't much fun anyway.
391
00:18:34,736 --> 00:18:37,105
Never got to kill any.
392
00:18:37,105 --> 00:18:39,007
But without them,
you and your friends
393
00:18:39,107 --> 00:18:40,508
would've had to get real jobs.
394
00:18:40,608 --> 00:18:41,509
That isn't funny, Stu.
395
00:18:41,609 --> 00:18:42,510
Stu's got a point.
396
00:18:42,610 --> 00:18:44,012
What point, sir?
397
00:18:44,112 --> 00:18:45,513
You got a point, too.
398
00:18:45,613 --> 00:18:48,693
My point is that Russia is in such shambles,
399
00:18:49,117 --> 00:18:51,519
they couldn't sissy-slap us if they tried.
400
00:18:51,619 --> 00:18:53,621
Well, they still have
401
00:18:53,621 --> 00:18:55,023
all those missiles lying around.
402
00:18:55,123 --> 00:18:56,908
20,473, to be exact.
403
00:18:57,008 --> 00:18:58,410
Are you kidding?
404
00:18:58,510 --> 00:19:00,412
One of their breakaway republics, Kazakhstan,
405
00:19:00,512 --> 00:19:01,913
is the third-ranking nuclear power
406
00:19:02,013 --> 00:19:02,914
in the world.
407
00:19:03,014 --> 00:19:03,915
Are you kidding?
408
00:19:04,015 --> 00:19:05,667
Most Americans
409
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:07,669
don't know where Kazakhstan is.
410
00:19:07,769 --> 00:19:09,170
My travel agent can't find it.
411
00:19:09,270 --> 00:19:11,039
I can imagine why.
412
00:19:11,139 --> 00:19:14,025
What do you want to do about Russia?
413
00:19:14,025 --> 00:19:16,428
Let's find out who's in
charge over there this week.
414
00:19:16,528 --> 00:19:17,929
Vladimir Krushkin.
415
00:19:18,029 --> 00:19:19,431
Vlad. I like him.
That's good.
416
00:19:19,531 --> 00:19:21,533
Let's ask him to come over.
417
00:19:21,533 --> 00:19:24,035
We can have a summit thing.
418
00:19:24,035 --> 00:19:26,304
Maybe we can work something out like before.
419
00:19:26,404 --> 00:19:27,806
That's an excellent idea.
420
00:19:27,906 --> 00:19:30,408
Super idea, sir.
421
00:19:30,408 --> 00:19:31,309
We got a contingency plan.
422
00:19:31,409 --> 00:19:32,310
Good.
423
00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:34,410
We'll bring it right in.
424
00:20:00,071 --> 00:20:01,973
Look at the treacherous bastards.
425
00:20:02,073 --> 00:20:03,475
Once a commie,
always a commie.
426
00:20:03,575 --> 00:20:04,976
Pretend you're not here.
427
00:20:05,076 --> 00:20:07,076
Shut up,
Peanuts.
428
00:20:07,078 --> 00:20:10,448
All right. Be nice.
This man's our only hope.
429
00:20:10,949 --> 00:20:12,350
Mr. President,
welcome to our summit.
430
00:20:12,450 --> 00:20:13,601
You look great.
431
00:20:13,701 --> 00:20:16,454
Ha ha ha!
432
00:20:16,454 --> 00:20:17,355
Let's eat.
433
00:20:17,455 --> 00:20:18,857
Good. Right this way.
434
00:20:18,957 --> 00:20:19,858
Have a good trip?
435
00:20:19,958 --> 00:20:20,859
Wonderful.
436
00:20:20,959 --> 00:20:25,463
Truly wonderful.
437
00:20:25,463 --> 00:20:27,463
Mmm.
438
00:20:39,611 --> 00:20:44,115
Mmm.
439
00:20:44,115 --> 00:20:46,017
Mr. President,
we were wondering if, uh...
440
00:20:46,117 --> 00:20:49,120
If you and I,
you know...
441
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:52,123
If we couldn't sort of get together and...
442
00:20:52,123 --> 00:20:54,020
you know, mano y mano,
443
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:54,526
and...
444
00:20:54,626 --> 00:20:58,630
and sort of work something out,
445
00:20:58,630 --> 00:21:00,532
sort of mix it up the way we used to
446
00:21:00,632 --> 00:21:03,384
in the good old days.
447
00:21:03,384 --> 00:21:05,386
I don't mean a real war.
448
00:21:05,386 --> 00:21:07,889
Just a little tension.
449
00:21:07,889 --> 00:21:11,392
Sort of help people forget about things.
450
00:21:11,392 --> 00:21:13,394
Ha ha ha!
451
00:21:13,895 --> 00:21:15,296
Oh, Mr. President...
452
00:21:15,396 --> 00:21:16,798
Please!
453
00:21:16,898 --> 00:21:17,849
Is this why
454
00:21:17,949 --> 00:21:19,300
you called us here?
455
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,153
We already gave up.
You've won.
456
00:21:22,153 --> 00:21:24,055
We are too busy trying to perfect
457
00:21:24,155 --> 00:21:26,658
universal indoor plumbing.
458
00:21:26,658 --> 00:21:28,059
That's right.
459
00:21:28,159 --> 00:21:29,060
Indoor plumbing.
460
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,663
Maybe even a little...
461
00:21:31,663 --> 00:21:33,665
central heating.
462
00:21:33,665 --> 00:21:34,265
Big Buick
463
00:21:34,365 --> 00:21:35,066
in every garage
464
00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:36,684
would be nice.
465
00:21:36,784 --> 00:21:38,186
A few cellular phones...
466
00:21:38,286 --> 00:21:40,922
compact discs, mtv--
467
00:21:40,922 --> 00:21:42,323
What is the name of that other channel?
468
00:21:42,423 --> 00:21:43,074
VH-1.
469
00:21:43,174 --> 00:21:45,677
Yes! VH-1!
470
00:21:45,677 --> 00:21:48,179
I�m so sorry,
Mr. President.
471
00:21:48,179 --> 00:21:50,682
We can't go back to the old days.
472
00:21:51,182 --> 00:21:51,749
Please try
473
00:21:51,849 --> 00:21:52,584
and understand.
474
00:21:52,684 --> 00:21:55,553
Good day.
475
00:21:55,553 --> 00:21:55,954
It's a trick,
Mr. President.
476
00:21:56,054 --> 00:21:57,455
Damn right.
477
00:21:57,555 --> 00:21:59,557
Can't we talk this over?
478
00:21:59,557 --> 00:22:01,557
What is there to talk over?
479
00:22:01,559 --> 00:22:02,460
You're in charge of the world now.
480
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,562
Don't be a sore winner.
481
00:22:04,562 --> 00:22:05,964
I�m sure we could discuss this
482
00:22:06,064 --> 00:22:06,965
like civilized men.
483
00:22:07,065 --> 00:22:09,567
Civilized men?
484
00:22:09,567 --> 00:22:13,571
Is that what we've both
been for the last 50 years?
485
00:22:13,571 --> 00:22:14,361
Just a holy
486
00:22:14,461 --> 00:22:15,473
Goddamn minute.
487
00:22:15,573 --> 00:22:18,209
Your comradeship!
488
00:22:18,209 --> 00:22:19,611
Throwing your weight around
489
00:22:19,711 --> 00:22:22,113
for half a century,
threatening the peaceful,
490
00:22:22,213 --> 00:22:25,717
Western world, ng and decide one day
491
00:22:25,717 --> 00:22:27,118
to tug the rope no more.
492
00:22:27,218 --> 00:22:29,220
Do you?
493
00:22:29,470 --> 00:22:30,371
Mr. President,
I�m so sorry for this.
494
00:22:30,471 --> 00:22:32,473
Sorry for this?
495
00:22:32,473 --> 00:22:33,848
You made us spend trillion $
496
00:22:33,948 --> 00:22:35,376
on submarines and missiles
497
00:22:35,476 --> 00:22:37,879
and what did all this rubbish get us?
498
00:22:37,979 --> 00:22:41,099
Bread lines and may day parades!
499
00:22:41,599 --> 00:22:45,103
Don't chicken out on us now!
500
00:22:45,103 --> 00:22:47,605
We need you. I need you.
501
00:22:48,106 --> 00:22:50,391
You don't always get a second chance.
502
00:22:50,491 --> 00:22:53,244
Attaboy, Stu!
503
00:22:53,244 --> 00:22:54,145
You can't do that!
504
00:22:54,245 --> 00:22:55,146
Get off him!
505
00:22:55,246 --> 00:22:58,750
Get off him!
506
00:22:58,750 --> 00:22:59,651
I�m very sorry,
Mr. President.
507
00:22:59,751 --> 00:23:01,402
I�m very-- all right.
508
00:23:01,502 --> 00:23:03,404
Get over there.
Get over there.
509
00:23:03,504 --> 00:23:05,406
Sorry. I�m really,
truly sorry.
510
00:23:05,506 --> 00:23:07,025
Maybe we could meet again.
511
00:23:07,125 --> 00:23:08,526
How about Geneva?
512
00:23:08,626 --> 00:23:09,527
We could meet at Geneva,
513
00:23:09,627 --> 00:23:12,263
sort of neutral territory.
514
00:23:12,263 --> 00:23:14,766
Goodbye, Mr. President...
515
00:23:14,766 --> 00:23:20,638
and good luck.
516
00:23:20,638 --> 00:23:24,642
Any more bright ideas?
517
00:23:24,642 --> 00:23:27,011
What are we going to do for an enemy now?
518
00:23:27,111 --> 00:23:30,982
Dead.
519
00:23:30,982 --> 00:23:33,985
Dead.
520
00:23:33,985 --> 00:23:37,488
Dead.
521
00:23:37,488 --> 00:23:38,389
Dead.
522
00:23:38,489 --> 00:23:39,390
I miss anything?
523
00:23:39,490 --> 00:23:42,377
Nothing.
524
00:23:42,377 --> 00:23:44,379
Also dead.
525
00:23:44,379 --> 00:23:45,780
They're all dead.
526
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,282
You working from an old list?
527
00:23:47,382 --> 00:23:50,385
They're what we're looking for.
528
00:23:50,385 --> 00:23:52,887
This guy,
he's still alive.
529
00:23:52,887 --> 00:23:53,788
But he's down in Florida
530
00:23:53,888 --> 00:23:58,142
making license plates now.
531
00:23:58,142 --> 00:23:59,661
She's reformed...
532
00:23:59,761 --> 00:24:01,896
and looking good.
533
00:24:01,896 --> 00:24:03,898
You know,
we were thinking,
534
00:24:03,898 --> 00:24:04,549
what could be
535
00:24:04,649 --> 00:24:05,300
a bigger threat
536
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,019
than aliens invading from space?
537
00:24:08,019 --> 00:24:10,672
Whoo-boy! Scare the shit out of everyone.
538
00:24:10,772 --> 00:24:12,772
Even me, sir.
539
00:24:12,774 --> 00:24:15,176
Is this the best you could come up with?
540
00:24:15,276 --> 00:24:18,179
What about, you know,
international terrorism?
541
00:24:18,279 --> 00:24:20,181
Sir, we're not going to reopen missile factories
542
00:24:20,281 --> 00:24:22,283
just to fight some creeps
543
00:24:22,283 --> 00:24:25,286
running around in exploding rental cars.
544
00:24:25,286 --> 00:24:28,423
Turn on the lights.
545
00:24:28,923 --> 00:24:29,824
I�m sorry.
546
00:24:29,924 --> 00:24:31,926
I�m appalled.
547
00:24:31,926 --> 00:24:34,829
I�m surprised you left those
killer bees off the list.
548
00:24:34,929 --> 00:24:37,932
How about...
549
00:24:37,932 --> 00:24:39,932
How about Canada?
550
00:24:40,184 --> 00:24:43,688
O Canada
551
00:24:44,188 --> 00:24:48,559
Our home and native land
552
00:24:48,559 --> 00:24:52,563
True patriot love
553
00:24:52,563 --> 00:24:57,068
In all thy sons command...
554
00:24:57,068 --> 00:24:59,470
Uhh! That's what I hate about coming here.
555
00:24:59,570 --> 00:25:01,105
You got to listen to that song.
556
00:25:01,205 --> 00:25:03,205
Check out the flag.
557
00:25:03,574 --> 00:25:05,476
What is that,
a weed on there?
558
00:25:05,576 --> 00:25:07,578
Give me a break!
Nice flag.
559
00:25:07,578 --> 00:25:10,581
Let's go!
560
00:25:10,581 --> 00:25:11,866
Let's go!
Drop the puck!
561
00:25:11,966 --> 00:25:13,368
Let's go!
562
00:25:13,468 --> 00:25:15,720
Come on!
Face off!
563
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,090
O Canada
564
00:25:19,090 --> 00:25:24,095
We stand on guard for thee
565
00:25:24,095 --> 00:25:24,728
Evening,
566
00:25:24,828 --> 00:25:25,496
Ladies and gentlemen.
567
00:25:25,596 --> 00:25:27,498
Welcome to hockey night in Canada.
568
00:25:27,598 --> 00:25:30,001
Tonight the American team
visits our Canadian champions,
569
00:25:30,101 --> 00:25:32,101
the Ontario Beavers.
570
00:25:32,103 --> 00:25:33,504
Please enjoy the game,
and remember,
571
00:25:33,604 --> 00:25:35,990
no bad language and no littering.
572
00:25:35,990 --> 00:25:41,496
Here we go!
573
00:25:41,996 --> 00:25:44,015
Hey, Kabral,
how come you never see
574
00:25:44,115 --> 00:25:46,017
any black guys playing hockey?
575
00:25:46,117 --> 00:25:48,519
Do you think it's easy to just gradually
576
00:25:48,619 --> 00:25:49,982
take over every
577
00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:51,522
professional sport?
578
00:25:51,622 --> 00:25:53,024
Let me tell you something, man.
579
00:25:53,124 --> 00:25:54,025
Brothers are starting to figure out
580
00:25:54,125 --> 00:25:56,127
this ice thing.
581
00:25:56,127 --> 00:25:58,127
Hope you enjoyed it.
582
00:25:58,129 --> 00:26:00,515
Heh heh heh.
583
00:26:00,515 --> 00:26:02,917
These Canadians ain't got a care in the world.
584
00:26:03,017 --> 00:26:04,419
How about the way they cheat
585
00:26:04,519 --> 00:26:05,920
at the world series?
586
00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:07,789
That's our game, people!
587
00:26:07,889 --> 00:26:11,392
That is true.
588
00:26:11,392 --> 00:26:13,982
And another thing-- their beer sucks.
589
00:26:36,050 --> 00:26:38,302
Eww!
590
00:26:38,302 --> 00:26:40,071
Oh, boy!
591
00:26:40,171 --> 00:26:41,572
Look at that!
592
00:26:41,672 --> 00:26:45,560
That's footage never seen on TV.
593
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:46,961
Yowsah!
594
00:26:47,061 --> 00:26:49,814
It's amazing.
595
00:26:49,814 --> 00:26:50,648
How did you know that
596
00:26:50,748 --> 00:26:51,582
was a nuclear facility?
597
00:26:51,682 --> 00:26:55,436
They tricked us there.
That's a hospital.
598
00:26:55,436 --> 00:26:55,686
But it's
599
00:26:55,786 --> 00:26:56,337
a hell of a strike.
600
00:26:56,437 --> 00:26:58,439
We've got technology
601
00:26:58,439 --> 00:26:59,841
we've never been able to use.
602
00:26:59,941 --> 00:27:00,952
A riot between
603
00:27:01,052 --> 00:27:01,843
Americans and Canadians
604
00:27:01,943 --> 00:27:03,344
broke out last night
605
00:27:03,444 --> 00:27:06,697
at a hockey arena in Niagara Falls, Ontario.
606
00:27:06,697 --> 00:27:08,599
Police estimate at least 60 people,
607
00:27:08,699 --> 00:27:11,586
including an American sheriff,
608
00:27:11,586 --> 00:27:14,489
were detained overnight by Canadian authorities.
609
00:27:14,589 --> 00:27:16,491
I want to call the American embassy.
610
00:27:16,591 --> 00:27:20,595
All I said was,
'Canadian beer sucks.'
611
00:27:20,595 --> 00:27:21,996
People!
612
00:27:22,096 --> 00:27:25,600
People!
613
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,102
Can't we all just get along?
614
00:27:28,102 --> 00:27:30,412
Boy, these Canadians are violent.
615
00:27:38,613 --> 00:27:40,014
General, can I use your phone for a second?
616
00:27:40,114 --> 00:27:46,370
Sure. Go ahead.
617
00:27:46,370 --> 00:27:47,772
Yeah. Stu Smiley.
618
00:27:47,872 --> 00:27:50,374
Give me central intelligence.
619
00:27:50,374 --> 00:27:52,627
Yeah, Canada desk?
620
00:27:53,127 --> 00:27:54,028
Timmy.
621
00:27:54,128 --> 00:27:55,530
Hi, Stu.
622
00:27:55,630 --> 00:27:57,031
What's up, Bill?
623
00:27:57,131 --> 00:27:58,533
How you doing, Stu?
624
00:27:58,633 --> 00:28:00,535
Re-route the heroin through Cancun.
625
00:28:00,635 --> 00:28:01,536
Hold on a second--
626
00:28:01,636 --> 00:28:03,638
Yeah. Oliver Stone.
627
00:28:04,138 --> 00:28:06,140
There's Gus.
628
00:28:06,641 --> 00:28:07,542
What do you say, Stu?
629
00:28:07,642 --> 00:28:09,644
Long time no see, huh?
630
00:28:10,144 --> 00:28:12,647
It's like the plaza in here.
631
00:28:12,647 --> 00:28:16,050
They've got me in a temporary
place here, that's all.
632
00:28:16,150 --> 00:28:18,169
I see you're still proud of telling Kennedy
633
00:28:18,269 --> 00:28:20,271
to send advisors to Vietnam.
634
00:28:20,271 --> 00:28:21,672
You're damn right.
635
00:28:21,772 --> 00:28:23,674
The whole Vietnam war was my idea.
636
00:28:23,774 --> 00:28:25,776
Not ashamed of it one bit.
637
00:28:26,277 --> 00:28:28,179
If they had followed my
advice and gone nuclear...
638
00:28:28,279 --> 00:28:29,419
I�m sure history
639
00:28:29,519 --> 00:28:30,681
will vindicate you.
640
00:28:30,781 --> 00:28:32,183
Would've wiped out the Koreans, too.
641
00:28:32,283 --> 00:28:34,285
Then we wouldn't be driving
642
00:28:34,785 --> 00:28:37,688
behind them shitty little
compacts with no pickup.
643
00:28:37,788 --> 00:28:39,190
Those cars are built in South Korea.
644
00:28:39,290 --> 00:28:40,191
They're our Koreans.
645
00:28:40,291 --> 00:28:42,293
Like I care!
646
00:28:42,793 --> 00:28:43,694
What have you got for me?
647
00:28:43,794 --> 00:28:44,695
Anything, something?
648
00:28:44,795 --> 00:28:45,696
You mean Canada.
649
00:28:45,796 --> 00:28:47,198
Yeah.
650
00:28:47,298 --> 00:28:50,801
We can't talk here. Let's go for a walk.
651
00:28:50,801 --> 00:28:52,703
There a secretary hidden somewhere
652
00:28:52,803 --> 00:28:55,940
to hold your calls for you?
653
00:28:55,940 --> 00:28:57,842
Remember the big New York blackout?
654
00:28:57,942 --> 00:29:00,812
Caused by a Canadian hydroelectric plant,
655
00:29:00,945 --> 00:29:02,346
Niagara Falls.
656
00:29:02,446 --> 00:29:03,848
The Canucks claim
657
00:29:03,948 --> 00:29:07,451
that it was a faulty transmitter.
658
00:29:07,451 --> 00:29:09,353
We had reason to suspect otherwise.
659
00:29:09,453 --> 00:29:11,455
Why what do you mean?
660
00:29:11,455 --> 00:29:12,857
These Canadians suffer
661
00:29:12,957 --> 00:29:15,826
from a serious inferiority complex.
662
00:29:16,327 --> 00:29:17,728
That's why they built this--
663
00:29:17,828 --> 00:29:18,757
Canadian
664
00:29:18,857 --> 00:29:20,231
National tower.
665
00:29:20,331 --> 00:29:21,292
World's tallest
666
00:29:21,392 --> 00:29:22,733
freestanding structure.
667
00:29:22,833 --> 00:29:25,236
Our scientists can't figure out its purpose.
668
00:29:25,336 --> 00:29:26,237
I�ll bet theirs can't either.
669
00:29:26,337 --> 00:29:29,340
Jesus.
670
00:29:29,340 --> 00:29:31,242
Canadians are always dreaming up
671
00:29:31,342 --> 00:29:34,845
a lot of ways to ruin our lives.
672
00:29:34,845 --> 00:29:36,747
The metric system,
for the love of god!
673
00:29:36,847 --> 00:29:38,249
Celsius!
674
00:29:38,349 --> 00:29:40,351
Neil Young?
675
00:29:40,351 --> 00:29:41,752
By god, you're right, Gus.
676
00:29:41,852 --> 00:29:43,854
Of course!
It was crazy of us
677
00:29:43,854 --> 00:29:45,756
to have been so blind for so long.
678
00:29:45,856 --> 00:29:48,359
We thought,
they're just Canadians.
679
00:29:48,359 --> 00:29:50,861
They're practically the 51st state.
680
00:29:50,861 --> 00:29:53,264
We admired them-- clean streets, no crime,
681
00:29:53,364 --> 00:29:54,265
no minorities.
682
00:29:54,365 --> 00:29:55,766
How'd they do that?
683
00:29:55,866 --> 00:29:57,268
No slavery.
684
00:29:57,368 --> 00:29:59,368
God, they're smart.
685
00:29:59,370 --> 00:30:02,273
Their entire government is run by socialists.
686
00:30:02,373 --> 00:30:03,774
But it's not the real pinko stuff.
687
00:30:03,874 --> 00:30:06,377
No! That's where you're wrong.
688
00:30:06,877 --> 00:30:09,880
They've always had these tendencies.
689
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,532
'Capitalism must be destroyed in all forms.'
690
00:30:11,632 --> 00:30:13,034
What's this?
691
00:30:13,134 --> 00:30:15,036
We haven't been paying attention.
692
00:30:15,136 --> 00:30:18,139
We think that,
oh, they're a little strange
693
00:30:18,139 --> 00:30:20,589
With the socialized medicine stuff.
694
00:30:20,641 --> 00:30:23,544
But do you know they provide
free college to anyone?
695
00:30:23,644 --> 00:30:25,046
Free trains,
696
00:30:25,146 --> 00:30:26,547
free eyeglasses,
697
00:30:26,647 --> 00:30:27,548
free condoms?
698
00:30:27,648 --> 00:30:29,050
Jesus.
699
00:30:29,150 --> 00:30:31,652
Do your superiors know about this?
700
00:30:31,652 --> 00:30:34,155
Ah, those gutless desk mammals.
701
00:30:34,155 --> 00:30:35,556
Ever since I told them
702
00:30:35,656 --> 00:30:37,658
the bay of pigs by 10:00,
703
00:30:37,658 --> 00:30:40,161
they've treated me like dirt.
704
00:30:40,161 --> 00:30:41,062
You've done a great job here.
705
00:30:41,162 --> 00:30:42,563
I�ll make sure
706
00:30:42,663 --> 00:30:44,065
the president knows of your fine work.
707
00:30:44,165 --> 00:30:47,334
Like I care!
708
00:30:47,334 --> 00:30:48,235
Canada?
709
00:30:48,335 --> 00:30:51,472
Did you say Canada?
710
00:30:51,472 --> 00:30:56,477
The American people,
Mr. Smiley...
711
00:30:56,477 --> 00:30:58,979
would never, ever buy this.
712
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:01,382
Mr. President,
the American people
713
00:31:01,482 --> 00:31:03,984
will buy whatever we tell them to.
714
00:31:04,485 --> 00:31:06,253
You know that.
715
00:31:06,353 --> 00:31:09,857
Aren't you overlooking one major obstacle,
716
00:31:09,857 --> 00:31:11,759
like how to get the average American
717
00:31:11,859 --> 00:31:14,245
to hate and fear Canadians?
718
00:31:14,245 --> 00:31:15,896
Hell, they're whiter than we are.
719
00:31:15,996 --> 00:31:18,999
Gentlemen, ladies,
allow me to clue you
720
00:31:18,999 --> 00:31:21,502
to a few rude awakenings.
721
00:31:21,502 --> 00:31:24,905
For those that think Canada
is a mom-and-pop operation,
722
00:31:25,005 --> 00:31:27,408
it's time to wake up and smell the snow.
723
00:31:27,508 --> 00:31:29,510
Fact: Canada�s now
724
00:31:29,510 --> 00:31:32,513
the second-largest country in the world.
725
00:31:32,513 --> 00:31:34,915
Fact: Canadians freely cross over our borders,
726
00:31:35,015 --> 00:31:36,417
walking among us...
727
00:31:36,517 --> 00:31:39,520
undetected.
728
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,522
How many of you knew
729
00:31:41,522 --> 00:31:43,040
that they eliminated the Miss Canada contest?
730
00:31:43,140 --> 00:31:45,776
You're on to something here.
731
00:31:45,776 --> 00:31:49,180
Remember the air force c-130
that crashed mysteriously
732
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,681
a few years ago?
733
00:31:50,781 --> 00:31:53,284
And that just happened to occur
734
00:31:53,284 --> 00:31:55,786
over Canada,
Mr. President.
735
00:31:55,786 --> 00:31:58,289
My god.
That's shocking.
736
00:31:58,289 --> 00:32:00,191
When did they get rid of Miss Canada?
737
00:32:00,291 --> 00:32:02,409
A year ago.
738
00:32:02,409 --> 00:32:05,913
Suppose something like that caught on down here.
739
00:32:05,913 --> 00:32:06,814
One week,
Mr. President.
740
00:32:06,914 --> 00:32:08,916
Give me one week,
741
00:32:08,916 --> 00:32:11,819
and I�ll have Americans
Burning maple leaves so fast,
742
00:32:11,919 --> 00:32:14,321
they won't have time to think
about their smog-filled lungs,
743
00:32:14,421 --> 00:32:15,823
rising interest rates,
744
00:32:15,923 --> 00:32:18,443
or their dwindling savings accounts.
745
00:32:24,431 --> 00:32:26,431
One week, sir.
746
00:32:36,443 --> 00:32:37,344
Good evening.
747
00:32:37,444 --> 00:32:40,447
Edwin S. Simon reporting.
748
00:32:40,447 --> 00:32:43,450
NBS news has obtained Pentagon documents
749
00:32:43,450 --> 00:32:45,853
that show our neighbor to the north,
750
00:32:45,953 --> 00:32:47,855
the sovereign nation of Canada,
751
00:32:47,955 --> 00:32:49,857
has embarked on a military program
752
00:32:49,957 --> 00:32:52,843
aimed at the United States.
753
00:32:52,843 --> 00:32:56,714
Canada, known for ages as
a polite and clean country,
754
00:32:56,714 --> 00:32:58,954
has, under a socialist majority,
755
00:32:59,099 --> 00:33:01,252
undertaken a massive military buildup
756
00:33:01,352 --> 00:33:03,621
on its border with the United States.
757
00:33:03,721 --> 00:33:05,122
I don't like Canada.
758
00:33:05,222 --> 00:33:07,358
It's freezing cold.
759
00:33:07,858 --> 00:33:09,260
Canada owns more of the US
760
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:14,732
than any other country.
761
00:33:14,732 --> 00:33:16,133
William Shatner.
762
00:33:16,233 --> 00:33:17,635
Michael J. Fox.
763
00:33:17,735 --> 00:33:19,735
Monty Hall.
764
00:33:19,737 --> 00:33:21,138
Mike Myers.
765
00:33:21,238 --> 00:33:23,240
Alex Trebek.
766
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:24,642
All of them Canadians.
767
00:33:24,742 --> 00:33:30,497
All of them here.
768
00:33:30,998 --> 00:33:32,900
Is Canadian prime minister Clark MacDonald
769
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,252
a member of a satanic cult?
770
00:33:35,252 --> 00:33:38,756
Most of Canada's vast military technology
771
00:33:39,256 --> 00:33:43,260
has been built and supplied
by the United States.
772
00:33:43,260 --> 00:33:45,990
The Canadian national tower in Toronto,
773
00:33:46,263 --> 00:33:48,666
erected to transmit nuclear attack warnings
774
00:33:48,766 --> 00:33:50,668
from radar stations in northern Canada,
775
00:33:50,768 --> 00:33:54,271
is now solely in Canadian hands.
776
00:33:54,271 --> 00:33:57,174
It is the height of 6 American football fields,
777
00:33:57,274 --> 00:33:59,777
Or 5 Canadian football fields--
778
00:34:00,277 --> 00:34:02,680
as if Canadian football really counts.
779
00:34:02,780 --> 00:34:05,783
What would be the psychological motivation
780
00:34:05,783 --> 00:34:10,287
to erect a huge,
long, rigid shaft?
781
00:34:10,788 --> 00:34:13,073
First, there is no Canadian culture.
782
00:34:13,173 --> 00:34:16,677
I�ve never read any Canadian literature.
783
00:34:17,177 --> 00:34:18,579
And when have you heard anyone say,
784
00:34:18,679 --> 00:34:22,319
'Honey, let's stay in and
order some Canadian food'?
785
00:34:22,683 --> 00:34:25,452
Congress is also asking intelligence agencies
786
00:34:25,552 --> 00:34:29,056
to investigate why the Canadians maintain
787
00:34:29,056 --> 00:34:32,059
a threatening lead in Zamboni technology.
788
00:34:32,059 --> 00:34:34,561
Think of your children
789
00:34:34,561 --> 00:34:37,221
pledging allegiance to the maple leaf.
790
00:34:37,564 --> 00:34:40,067
Mayonnaise on everything.
791
00:34:40,067 --> 00:34:44,071
Winter-- 11 months of the year.
792
00:34:44,071 --> 00:34:46,071
Anne Murray...
793
00:34:46,073 --> 00:34:47,474
All day...
794
00:34:47,574 --> 00:34:51,962
Every day.
795
00:34:51,962 --> 00:34:55,833
Holy shit.
796
00:34:55,833 --> 00:34:57,835
We're right on the border.
797
00:34:57,835 --> 00:35:00,721
We're the first line of defense.
798
00:35:00,721 --> 00:35:03,101
We have to get everyone organized.
799
00:35:03,223 --> 00:35:05,125
All right, people!
Do not panic!
800
00:35:05,225 --> 00:35:07,225
I repeat, do not panic!
801
00:35:07,227 --> 00:35:08,746
I�m in complete control.
802
00:35:08,846 --> 00:35:11,248
Now, Honey, Kabral,
Roy boy, and myself--
803
00:35:11,348 --> 00:35:13,851
we'll guard the hydro plant.
804
00:35:13,851 --> 00:35:16,854
Snake, you guard Ed's gun shop.
805
00:35:16,854 --> 00:35:18,255
Dell, the bowling alley.
806
00:35:18,355 --> 00:35:20,357
The rest of you,
807
00:35:20,357 --> 00:35:24,361
guard this bar with your lives.
808
00:35:24,361 --> 00:35:25,763
Yeah.
809
00:35:25,863 --> 00:35:30,367
All right, people.
810
00:35:30,367 --> 00:35:32,619
Let's move out.
811
00:35:32,619 --> 00:35:37,624
Fighting soldiers from the sky
812
00:35:37,624 --> 00:35:39,626
fearless men
813
00:35:39,626 --> 00:35:42,379
Who jump and die
814
00:35:42,379 --> 00:35:45,382
Men who mean
815
00:35:45,382 --> 00:35:48,519
just what they say
816
00:35:48,519 --> 00:35:51,021
The brave men
817
00:35:51,271 --> 00:35:54,274
of the green beret
818
00:35:54,391 --> 00:35:56,894
Silver wings
819
00:35:56,894 --> 00:35:59,897
upon their chest
820
00:35:59,897 --> 00:36:02,399
These are men
821
00:36:02,399 --> 00:36:05,152
America's best
822
00:36:05,152 --> 00:36:08,155
100 men
823
00:36:08,155 --> 00:36:11,158
will test today
824
00:36:11,158 --> 00:36:14,161
but only 3
825
00:36:14,161 --> 00:36:16,914
win the green beret
826
00:36:16,914 --> 00:36:19,666
Put silver wings
827
00:36:19,666 --> 00:36:22,803
on my son's chest
828
00:36:22,803 --> 00:36:25,556
Make him one
829
00:36:25,556 --> 00:36:28,058
of America's best
830
00:36:28,559 --> 00:36:31,428
He'll be a man
831
00:36:31,428 --> 00:36:34,064
they'll test one day
832
00:36:34,565 --> 00:36:37,067
Have him win
833
00:36:37,067 --> 00:36:43,607
the green beret
834
00:36:43,607 --> 00:36:45,008
Now, who would've thought--
835
00:36:45,108 --> 00:36:48,612
America against the scary Canadians.
836
00:36:48,612 --> 00:36:50,614
Heh heh heh.
837
00:36:50,614 --> 00:36:52,015
Boy, I�m good.
838
00:36:52,115 --> 00:36:55,619
I�m going to let you in on a little secret.
839
00:36:55,619 --> 00:36:58,121
Mmm!
840
00:36:58,121 --> 00:37:00,121
Mmm...christ.
841
00:37:06,630 --> 00:37:09,032
The American public's attention span
842
00:37:09,132 --> 00:37:11,034
is about as long as your dick.
843
00:37:11,134 --> 00:37:12,536
You have got to give Americans
844
00:37:12,636 --> 00:37:14,638
something real.
845
00:37:14,638 --> 00:37:16,039
Something they can get their teeth into,
846
00:37:16,139 --> 00:37:16,499
something that
847
00:37:16,599 --> 00:37:17,040
will make them cry
848
00:37:17,140 --> 00:37:19,643
'Bloody murder!'
849
00:37:19,643 --> 00:37:20,308
Americans
850
00:37:20,408 --> 00:37:21,545
will not go to war,
851
00:37:21,645 --> 00:37:23,647
even a cold war,
852
00:37:23,647 --> 00:37:25,649
unless they truly believe
853
00:37:25,649 --> 00:37:30,153
that their very lives are threatened.
854
00:37:30,153 --> 00:37:31,688
What do you have in mind?
855
00:37:31,788 --> 00:37:34,291
Back in the early 1960s,
856
00:37:34,291 --> 00:37:37,294
my old buddy Lyndon Johnson says,
857
00:37:37,294 --> 00:37:40,197
'Boys, why don't we just
bomb one of our own ships
858
00:37:40,297 --> 00:37:42,199
'and blame it on the north Vietnamese?'
859
00:37:42,299 --> 00:37:45,802
We did. We shelled a US Navy ship
860
00:37:45,802 --> 00:37:47,571
in the gulf of Tonkin.
861
00:37:47,671 --> 00:37:48,930
At least, that's
862
00:37:49,030 --> 00:37:51,030
what we told everybody
863
00:37:51,174 --> 00:37:52,576
as far as I know,
that damn boat
864
00:37:52,676 --> 00:37:57,180
was out in the middle of lake Erie. But...
865
00:37:57,180 --> 00:37:59,180
24 hours later
866
00:37:59,182 --> 00:38:02,686
the US Senate voted 98 to 2
867
00:38:02,686 --> 00:38:06,690
to send troops to Vietnam.
868
00:38:06,690 --> 00:38:07,591
That's an amazing story.
869
00:38:07,691 --> 00:38:10,193
That's the truth,
870
00:38:10,193 --> 00:38:16,700
and it can still work.
871
00:38:16,700 --> 00:38:18,700
Like maple syrup,
872
00:38:18,702 --> 00:38:23,206
Canada's evil oozes over the United States.
873
00:38:23,206 --> 00:38:26,710
How long will we remain silent to the screams?
874
00:38:27,210 --> 00:38:29,210
Oh, that is stunning.
875
00:38:30,213 --> 00:38:31,114
Everyone knows what it's like
876
00:38:31,214 --> 00:38:33,116
to get syrup on your fingers.
877
00:38:33,216 --> 00:38:35,719
This guy's ingenious.
I mean--
878
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:36,620
Mr. President,
Canadian prime minister!
879
00:38:36,720 --> 00:38:40,223
Ha ha ha!
880
00:38:40,223 --> 00:38:42,223
Clark?
881
00:38:42,225 --> 00:38:44,227
How's Claire?
882
00:38:44,728 --> 00:38:47,130
You were just watching on NBS, really?
883
00:38:47,230 --> 00:38:48,131
I don't know what to think.
884
00:38:48,231 --> 00:38:48,682
Looks
885
00:38:48,782 --> 00:38:49,633
like you people
886
00:38:49,733 --> 00:38:51,985
are planning something nasty.
887
00:38:51,985 --> 00:38:53,387
Mmm mmm mmm.
888
00:38:53,487 --> 00:38:54,888
Ha ha. What?
889
00:38:54,988 --> 00:38:59,626
If you feel that way about it, goodbye.
890
00:39:00,127 --> 00:39:02,379
I like this.
891
00:39:02,379 --> 00:39:03,780
I think now may be the time
892
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:05,148
to turn up the heat.
893
00:39:05,248 --> 00:39:07,250
What do you mean?
894
00:39:07,250 --> 00:39:09,152
Well, what if--I�m just spitballing here--
895
00:39:09,252 --> 00:39:10,654
That's ok.
Go ahead.
896
00:39:10,754 --> 00:39:13,156
A Canadian hit squad,
i.e., trained professionals,
897
00:39:13,256 --> 00:39:15,258
who looked like Canadians,
898
00:39:15,258 --> 00:39:17,661
were photographed sabotaging
an important installation
899
00:39:17,761 --> 00:39:19,763
inside the US.
900
00:39:19,763 --> 00:39:21,665
Let's go there with a strike force,
901
00:39:21,765 --> 00:39:23,166
knock out their infrastructure
902
00:39:23,266 --> 00:39:25,168
quicker than you can say,
'collateral damage.'
903
00:39:25,268 --> 00:39:26,670
No.
No.
904
00:39:26,770 --> 00:39:28,171
Why not?
Yeah, why not?
905
00:39:28,271 --> 00:39:31,274
A war with Canada would be over in days.
906
00:39:31,274 --> 00:39:32,676
Remember Grenada?
907
00:39:32,776 --> 00:39:33,677
They didn't even wake Reagan up.
908
00:39:33,777 --> 00:39:35,777
Didn't have to.
909
00:39:35,779 --> 00:39:39,282
All we found were rich
American med school rejects
910
00:39:39,282 --> 00:39:40,684
and a couple of Cuban construction workers.
911
00:39:40,784 --> 00:39:42,185
That's liberal bullshit.
912
00:39:42,285 --> 00:39:43,186
Cuba had a division in there.
913
00:39:43,286 --> 00:39:45,288
What about Panama?
914
00:39:45,288 --> 00:39:46,690
Right. Listen to this.
915
00:39:46,790 --> 00:39:47,504
A few days
916
00:39:47,604 --> 00:39:48,191
of blasting
917
00:39:48,291 --> 00:39:50,193
Def Leppard over loudspeakers,
918
00:39:50,293 --> 00:39:52,293
And Noriega ran out weeping.
919
00:39:52,295 --> 00:39:53,196
And Iraqha!
920
00:39:53,296 --> 00:39:54,698
Ha.
921
00:39:54,798 --> 00:39:57,451
They were supposed to have this big, bad army.
922
00:39:57,551 --> 00:39:58,952
They had the biggest cannon,
923
00:39:59,052 --> 00:40:01,052
invented by a Canadian.
924
00:40:01,054 --> 00:40:02,456
72 hours after we invade,
925
00:40:02,556 --> 00:40:03,957
they're begging for a big mac.
926
00:40:04,057 --> 00:40:04,958
They stopped
927
00:40:05,058 --> 00:40:05,959
a hundred miles short of Baghdad.
928
00:40:06,059 --> 00:40:07,461
We just sat there
929
00:40:07,561 --> 00:40:10,564
waving our dicks at the desert.
930
00:40:10,564 --> 00:40:12,966
Mr. President, do you want more of that,
931
00:40:13,066 --> 00:40:16,069
or 50 years of cold war prosperity
932
00:40:16,069 --> 00:40:18,972
because Joe Schmoe American is scared shitless
933
00:40:19,072 --> 00:40:25,078
the world's going to end
before the next commercial?
934
00:40:25,579 --> 00:40:27,481
Well, I think I like Mr. Smiley's approach.
935
00:40:27,581 --> 00:40:30,083
No, no.
I really like it.
936
00:40:30,584 --> 00:40:31,985
Here's what we're going to do.
937
00:40:32,085 --> 00:40:34,085
We'll get some special ops.
938
00:40:34,087 --> 00:40:35,989
We'll disguise them as Canadians
939
00:40:36,089 --> 00:40:37,491
and let them blow something up.
940
00:40:37,591 --> 00:40:39,591
But nothing valuable, ok?
941
00:40:39,593 --> 00:40:40,994
No casualties, all right?
942
00:40:41,094 --> 00:40:42,496
There will be no casualties,
943
00:40:42,596 --> 00:40:44,596
and Canada gets the blame.
944
00:40:59,362 --> 00:41:01,865
Come on.
Step on the gas!
945
00:41:01,865 --> 00:41:03,266
Double time.
Double time.
946
00:41:03,366 --> 00:41:05,366
We're just minutes away
947
00:41:05,368 --> 00:41:07,771
from blowing this hydro plant to kingdom come.
948
00:41:07,871 --> 00:41:09,871
Ha! I�m back!
949
00:41:28,275 --> 00:41:34,781
You got them down there?
950
00:41:34,781 --> 00:41:37,050
Wait till those s.o.b.s back at Langley
951
00:41:37,150 --> 00:41:40,654
see this on the nightly news.
952
00:41:40,654 --> 00:41:42,656
Freeze! The both of you!
953
00:41:43,156 --> 00:41:45,792
Don't move.
Don't anybody move.
954
00:41:45,792 --> 00:41:46,693
Honey, Canadians on the east wing.
955
00:41:46,793 --> 00:41:48,195
Bring the boys, quick!
956
00:41:48,295 --> 00:41:49,196
Who the hell are you?
957
00:41:49,296 --> 00:41:51,298
Who the hell are you?
958
00:41:51,298 --> 00:41:53,300
Get out! Go on!
959
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:54,701
Look what we found!
960
00:41:54,801 --> 00:41:55,702
Get your hands up there.
961
00:41:55,802 --> 00:41:57,804
Come on! Hey, spread 'em!
962
00:41:57,804 --> 00:41:59,806
Come on.
Let's go! M!
963
00:41:59,806 --> 00:42:02,209
Under the articles of the
fifth Geneva convention,
964
00:42:02,309 --> 00:42:04,211
and with the powers invested in me by--
965
00:42:04,311 --> 00:42:06,713
Would you please shut up?
We're American!
966
00:42:06,813 --> 00:42:08,813
Who plays quarterback
967
00:42:08,815 --> 00:42:09,716
for the St. Louis Cardinals?
968
00:42:09,816 --> 00:42:11,818
I have no idea.
969
00:42:11,818 --> 00:42:13,220
There ain't no more St. Louis Cardinals!
970
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:15,572
They moved to Phoenix!
971
00:42:16,072 --> 00:42:17,474
Wait. Give us another one.
972
00:42:17,574 --> 00:42:18,475
Sorry. Time's up!
973
00:42:18,575 --> 00:42:21,578
Cuff 'em!
Frisk these Canucks!
974
00:42:21,578 --> 00:42:22,979
Then call the CIA,
975
00:42:23,079 --> 00:42:26,082
the FBI, the D.A.,
and the A.S.P.C.A.,
976
00:42:26,583 --> 00:42:27,984
and call Channel 5.
977
00:42:28,084 --> 00:42:32,589
You're going to be on TV.
978
00:42:33,089 --> 00:42:34,991
The nation remains stunned today
979
00:42:35,091 --> 00:42:37,994
after the capture of secret Canadian agents
980
00:42:38,094 --> 00:42:40,497
who were attempting to blow
up the hydroelectric plant
981
00:42:40,597 --> 00:42:43,099
in Niagara Falls, New York.
982
00:42:43,099 --> 00:42:44,501
The Canadians were apprehended
983
00:42:44,601 --> 00:42:47,103
by Niagara sheriff,
Bud B. Boomer.
984
00:42:47,103 --> 00:42:48,004
Move! Move! Move!
985
00:42:48,104 --> 00:42:50,106
Right.
986
00:42:50,106 --> 00:42:51,508
Our correspondent,
Charles Jackal,
987
00:42:51,608 --> 00:42:53,009
Who is rejoining us
988
00:42:53,109 --> 00:42:55,011
after a stint at the Betty Ford clinic,
989
00:42:55,111 --> 00:42:57,113
kicks off our team coverage.
990
00:42:57,614 --> 00:43:00,367
Chuck, it's great to have you back.
991
00:43:00,367 --> 00:43:03,370
And it's great to be back.
992
00:43:03,370 --> 00:43:05,372
I want to apologize
993
00:43:05,372 --> 00:43:06,273
for the hurt I may have caused that night
994
00:43:06,373 --> 00:43:08,875
to so many of you,
995
00:43:08,875 --> 00:43:10,277
especially those who were standing
996
00:43:10,377 --> 00:43:13,380
too close to the curb.
997
00:43:13,380 --> 00:43:15,882
You know who you are.
998
00:43:15,882 --> 00:43:19,886
Forgive me.
999
00:43:19,886 --> 00:43:21,655
Ed, it's a startling revelation.
1000
00:43:21,755 --> 00:43:23,657
Canada, getting ready to invade,
1001
00:43:23,757 --> 00:43:26,259
has amassed 90%
of its population
1002
00:43:26,259 --> 00:43:28,411
along its border with the United States--
1003
00:43:28,511 --> 00:43:31,414
The longest unprotected border in the world,
1004
00:43:31,514 --> 00:43:32,916
stretching from the Atlantic ocean
1005
00:43:33,016 --> 00:43:38,655
to that other one.
1006
00:43:39,155 --> 00:43:40,056
You'll be pleased to know, sir,
1007
00:43:40,156 --> 00:43:42,659
that the Hacker Hellstorm
1008
00:43:42,659 --> 00:43:45,562
was delivered to and installed
in Toronto yesterday.
1009
00:43:45,662 --> 00:43:47,063
Good work.
1010
00:43:47,163 --> 00:43:49,163
Good work, boy.
1011
00:43:49,165 --> 00:43:50,567
When I found you,
1012
00:43:50,667 --> 00:43:52,669
I said to myself,
1013
00:43:53,169 --> 00:43:54,571
'I can make something
1014
00:43:54,671 --> 00:43:56,072
'out of that sniveling little sneak.'
1015
00:43:56,172 --> 00:43:58,925
Yes, sir.
1016
00:43:58,925 --> 00:44:03,930
Sir, what exactly is the Hacker Hellstorm?
1017
00:44:03,930 --> 00:44:08,051
I�m just curious since I sold it and all.
1018
00:44:08,051 --> 00:44:11,054
Well, that's fair enough, Stu.
1019
00:44:11,554 --> 00:44:14,457
The Hacker hellstorm is a devastating weapon,
1020
00:44:14,557 --> 00:44:16,559
a destabilizing weapon.
1021
00:44:16,559 --> 00:44:19,062
And it is capable
1022
00:44:19,062 --> 00:44:20,463
of launching all the missiles
1023
00:44:20,563 --> 00:44:21,965
in the United States
1024
00:44:22,065 --> 00:44:23,350
at once.
1025
00:44:23,450 --> 00:44:24,851
Really?
1026
00:44:24,951 --> 00:44:27,954
But the Canadians will never, ever use it.
1027
00:44:27,954 --> 00:44:29,956
How can you be so sure?
1028
00:44:29,956 --> 00:44:33,960
Because I didn't give them the operating codes.
1029
00:44:34,461 --> 00:44:35,362
Really?
1030
00:44:35,462 --> 00:44:37,364
They think it gives them an edge
1031
00:44:37,464 --> 00:44:40,967
on high-tech weather forecasting.
1032
00:44:40,967 --> 00:44:42,369
Uh-huh.
1033
00:44:42,469 --> 00:44:49,092
So the Hellstorm is harmless, yes?
1034
00:44:49,092 --> 00:44:51,094
Ah, Stuey.
1035
00:44:51,094 --> 00:44:55,515
Ha ha ha!
1036
00:44:55,515 --> 00:44:57,515
Honey!
1037
00:45:05,525 --> 00:45:10,530
Honey!
1038
00:45:11,031 --> 00:45:14,534
What the...
1039
00:45:14,534 --> 00:45:18,038
Holy shit.
1040
00:45:18,038 --> 00:45:20,038
What the hell?
1041
00:45:25,045 --> 00:45:26,079
Honey?
1042
00:45:26,179 --> 00:45:28,932
Shh!
1043
00:45:29,432 --> 00:45:31,434
Kabral...
1044
00:45:31,434 --> 00:45:33,336
What does this look like to you?
1045
00:45:33,436 --> 00:45:34,838
Got me.
1046
00:45:34,938 --> 00:45:37,207
I never saw a white one that size.
1047
00:45:37,307 --> 00:45:40,310
It's the Canadian national tower.
1048
00:45:40,310 --> 00:45:40,985
Maybe I better
1049
00:45:41,085 --> 00:45:41,711
carry the guns.
1050
00:45:41,811 --> 00:45:43,213
Where we going?
1051
00:45:43,313 --> 00:45:44,714
Boomer's got a special mission for us.
1052
00:45:44,814 --> 00:45:46,216
Says Canadians are too clean
1053
00:45:46,316 --> 00:45:47,217
for their own good.
1054
00:45:47,317 --> 00:45:48,218
We're crossing over.
1055
00:45:48,318 --> 00:45:50,320
To Canada?
1056
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:52,322
Yep. We're going in tonight
1057
00:45:52,322 --> 00:45:53,042
to kick
1058
00:45:53,142 --> 00:45:54,724
some Canadian butt.
1059
00:45:54,824 --> 00:45:56,824
Can we go to the tower?
1060
00:45:56,826 --> 00:45:58,826
No. I don't think so.
1061
00:46:04,584 --> 00:46:07,524
Cut the engine.
It's making too much noise.
1062
00:46:09,089 --> 00:46:10,490
What did you say?
1063
00:46:10,590 --> 00:46:13,093
We have to be very quiet.
1064
00:46:13,093 --> 00:46:14,995
We're all going to have to paddle.
1065
00:46:15,095 --> 00:46:17,095
Get those oars in the water.
1066
00:46:17,097 --> 00:46:19,232
Go on. Put your back into it.
1067
00:46:19,232 --> 00:46:24,487
Nice and easy. There you go.
1068
00:46:24,487 --> 00:46:27,217
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Canada.
1069
00:46:34,864 --> 00:46:40,870
This'll drive them crazy!
1070
00:46:40,870 --> 00:46:44,370
There is no more heinous
crime than this in Canada.
1071
00:46:44,374 --> 00:46:45,775
Are you sure we're in Canada?
1072
00:46:45,875 --> 00:46:47,277
Do you smell anything?
1073
00:46:47,377 --> 00:46:50,233
No.
Exactly.
1074
00:46:50,333 --> 00:46:52,032
Canada!
1075
00:46:52,132 --> 00:46:53,533
Hey, those look like my socks.
1076
00:46:53,633 --> 00:46:54,534
That isn't garbage!
1077
00:46:54,634 --> 00:46:56,036
That's my laundry.
1078
00:46:56,136 --> 00:46:57,537
Roy boy, you idiot!
1079
00:46:57,637 --> 00:46:59,639
Pick this up!
1080
00:46:59,639 --> 00:47:00,391
You stupid jerk,
1081
00:47:00,491 --> 00:47:01,291
what are you doing?
1082
00:47:01,391 --> 00:47:03,393
My good stuff.
1083
00:47:03,393 --> 00:47:03,771
Hello?
1084
00:47:03,871 --> 00:47:04,678
Who goes there?
1085
00:47:04,778 --> 00:47:06,179
Freeze!
1086
00:47:06,279 --> 00:47:07,681
Johnny Canuck!
1087
00:47:07,781 --> 00:47:10,283
Leave the park immediately
1088
00:47:10,283 --> 00:47:11,434
and go back to where you came from.
1089
00:47:11,534 --> 00:47:14,037
Scatter!
1090
00:47:14,037 --> 00:47:17,907
Everybody back to the boat!
1091
00:47:17,907 --> 00:47:19,809
Sir, you can't end your
sentence with a preposition.
1092
00:47:19,909 --> 00:47:20,810
Oh, really?
1093
00:47:20,910 --> 00:47:22,912
Ha ha ha!
1094
00:47:22,912 --> 00:47:25,915
Whoo whoo whoo!
1095
00:47:25,915 --> 00:47:28,418
Well, what would you say?
1096
00:47:28,418 --> 00:47:30,320
Well, I guess I'd say either,
1097
00:47:30,420 --> 00:47:32,322
'Go back from where you came,'
1098
00:47:32,422 --> 00:47:33,823
or the preferred Queen's English,
1099
00:47:33,923 --> 00:47:36,926
'Go back, thee,
from whence thou came.'
1100
00:47:36,926 --> 00:47:38,928
Hee hee hee!
1101
00:47:39,429 --> 00:47:42,432
Oh, man,
that was close.
1102
00:47:42,432 --> 00:47:47,937
We were staring death right in its face!
1103
00:47:47,937 --> 00:47:49,937
So, uh,
where's, uh, Honey?
1104
00:47:58,948 --> 00:48:01,951
Oh, man,
we forgot Honey!
1105
00:48:01,951 --> 00:48:03,353
I left Honey behind!
1106
00:48:03,453 --> 00:48:05,455
We left a man behind.
1107
00:48:05,455 --> 00:48:07,457
Boomer left a man behind!
1108
00:48:07,957 --> 00:48:09,859
The marines never leave a man behind.
1109
00:48:09,959 --> 00:48:11,861
Chuck Norris never left a man behind.
1110
00:48:11,961 --> 00:48:14,364
Wesley Snipes never leaves a man behind!
1111
00:48:14,464 --> 00:48:15,865
She's all alone behind enemy lines.
1112
00:48:15,965 --> 00:48:17,967
I got to think!
1113
00:48:18,468 --> 00:48:19,869
She's going to be fine.
1114
00:48:19,969 --> 00:48:22,069
She's a survivor.
She's strong!
1115
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,460
Hope she doesn't kill anybody.
1116
00:48:35,618 --> 00:48:37,520
We interrupt our regularly-scheduled program
1117
00:48:37,620 --> 00:48:42,625
and go live to the president
of the United States.
1118
00:48:43,126 --> 00:48:46,029
We have just learned that
the Canadian government
1119
00:48:46,129 --> 00:48:49,132
is holding an American citizen hostage.
1120
00:48:49,132 --> 00:48:50,533
I have communicated
1121
00:48:50,633 --> 00:48:53,136
with the Canadian prime minister
1122
00:48:53,136 --> 00:48:57,006
our demand that this hostage, this woman,
1123
00:48:57,006 --> 00:48:59,509
uh, hostage Honey,
1124
00:48:59,509 --> 00:49:03,012
must be released now!
1125
00:49:03,012 --> 00:49:04,414
Oh, my god. Honey!
1126
00:49:04,514 --> 00:49:06,514
To facilitate this,
1127
00:49:06,516 --> 00:49:11,521
I've ordered our armed forces on alert,
1128
00:49:11,521 --> 00:49:14,524
and I've ordered them to prepare to engage
1129
00:49:14,524 --> 00:49:19,028
in operation Canadian Bacon.
1130
00:49:19,529 --> 00:49:22,432
And I want to say to prime minister MacDonald,
1131
00:49:22,532 --> 00:49:25,034
'Surrender her pronto,
1132
00:49:25,034 --> 00:49:29,539
'or we'll level Toronto.'
1133
00:49:30,039 --> 00:49:30,940
God bless America.
1134
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:32,442
God bless America.
1135
00:49:32,542 --> 00:49:37,046
God bless you,
Mr. President.
1136
00:49:37,046 --> 00:49:39,549
Oh, Honey.
1137
00:49:39,549 --> 00:49:44,053
And, Honey,
I miss you
1138
00:49:44,554 --> 00:49:49,559
and I'm bein' good
1139
00:49:50,059 --> 00:49:54,564
and I'd love to be with you
1140
00:49:54,564 --> 00:49:58,067
if only I could
1141
00:49:58,067 --> 00:50:00,069
This just got in.
1142
00:50:00,069 --> 00:50:04,073
We have received amateur
videotape of hostage Honey.
1143
00:50:04,073 --> 00:50:05,475
Roy boy, Kabral, quick!
1144
00:50:05,575 --> 00:50:06,976
Huh?
Honey!
1145
00:50:07,076 --> 00:50:07,977
Boomer!
1146
00:50:08,077 --> 00:50:11,080
Traitor!
You Benedict Arnold!
1147
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:12,615
You took off and left me here...
1148
00:50:12,715 --> 00:50:15,718
Oh, she's pissed.
1149
00:50:15,718 --> 00:50:17,120
You think?
1150
00:50:17,220 --> 00:50:18,121
I'll rip out every bone in your body!
1151
00:50:18,221 --> 00:50:19,873
She's mad at you,
Boomer.
1152
00:50:19,973 --> 00:50:21,491
Boomer, you hear me?
1153
00:50:21,591 --> 00:50:23,993
She is being held at mountie headquarters
1154
00:50:24,093 --> 00:50:26,596
in Niagara Falls,
Canada.
1155
00:50:26,596 --> 00:50:29,186
Sources in the intelligence community
1156
00:50:29,599 --> 00:50:32,001
speculate that Canada may be preparing
1157
00:50:32,101 --> 00:50:35,104
to terminate her,
1158
00:50:35,104 --> 00:50:37,006
which would certainly be in keeping
1159
00:50:37,106 --> 00:50:39,008
with what we know about the Canadians.
1160
00:50:39,108 --> 00:50:40,510
Terminate?
1161
00:50:40,610 --> 00:50:43,112
This is no less than an act of war.
1162
00:50:43,112 --> 00:50:46,115
There's a time to think and a time to act,
1163
00:50:46,616 --> 00:50:52,121
and this, gentlemen,
is no time to think.
1164
00:50:52,121 --> 00:50:54,524
We'll have one more round,
and then we'll go.
1165
00:50:54,624 --> 00:50:56,025
Chester!
1166
00:50:56,125 --> 00:50:57,026
Another round.
1167
00:50:57,126 --> 00:50:59,629
Same thing.
1168
00:50:59,629 --> 00:51:01,030
Gives Honey a chance to cool off a little bit.
1169
00:51:01,130 --> 00:51:03,132
Yeah,
we know.
1170
00:51:03,132 --> 00:51:05,132
Yeah.
1171
00:51:32,378 --> 00:51:34,380
Come on.
Out of the way.
1172
00:51:34,380 --> 00:51:35,782
There's not a locked door in the whole country.
1173
00:51:35,882 --> 00:51:37,882
Let's go!
1174
00:52:00,773 --> 00:52:01,674
I don't want to have to drop first blood,
1175
00:52:01,774 --> 00:52:02,809
but I will if I have to!
1176
00:52:02,909 --> 00:52:04,911
I mean it, I'll hurt you.
1177
00:52:04,911 --> 00:52:05,812
Everybody down on the ground,
1178
00:52:05,912 --> 00:52:07,914
and no one will be hurt!
1179
00:52:07,914 --> 00:52:10,666
The elk, the beaver, and the moose
1180
00:52:10,666 --> 00:52:13,169
are man's best friends.
1181
00:52:13,169 --> 00:52:15,171
All right, pops,
1182
00:52:15,171 --> 00:52:18,291
who's in charge?
1183
00:52:18,291 --> 00:52:20,576
Uh, just the two of us,
just Ruthie and me.
1184
00:52:20,676 --> 00:52:22,195
No other personnel in the whole building?
1185
00:52:22,295 --> 00:52:24,680
No. We're the night shift.
1186
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:26,682
Excuse me, ma'am,
1187
00:52:26,682 --> 00:52:28,334
there's not another control room?
1188
00:52:28,434 --> 00:52:30,203
No, dear, this is it.
1189
00:52:30,303 --> 00:52:32,303
Thank you.
1190
00:52:32,305 --> 00:52:33,336
Um, Boomer, maybe
1191
00:52:33,436 --> 00:52:34,707
we better just go, huh?
1192
00:52:34,807 --> 00:52:36,209
Stand your ground, soldier!
1193
00:52:36,309 --> 00:52:38,309
Oh, brother.
1194
00:52:38,311 --> 00:52:40,813
Now, let me get this straight.
1195
00:52:40,813 --> 00:52:44,317
You're telling me that you two are responsible
1196
00:52:44,317 --> 00:52:45,218
for supplying all the electricity
1197
00:52:45,318 --> 00:52:47,570
to your entire nation?
1198
00:52:47,570 --> 00:52:48,971
That's about the size of it.
1199
00:52:49,071 --> 00:52:51,574
Oh, dad.
Tsk tsk tsk.
1200
00:52:51,574 --> 00:52:53,359
Does he ever like to brag.
1201
00:52:53,459 --> 00:52:55,459
Heh heh heh.
1202
00:52:55,828 --> 00:52:57,230
Put those needles down,
nice and easy,
1203
00:52:57,330 --> 00:52:58,981
where I can see them.
1204
00:52:59,081 --> 00:53:00,483
Spread out!
1205
00:53:00,583 --> 00:53:01,984
Find the power source
1206
00:53:02,084 --> 00:53:04,114
for the mountie headquarters.
1207
00:53:09,225 --> 00:53:12,094
I'm going to ask you one more time.
1208
00:53:12,094 --> 00:53:15,097
Where is the power switch
1209
00:53:15,097 --> 00:53:17,884
to the Royal Canadian
Mounted Police headquarters?
1210
00:53:17,984 --> 00:53:20,386
You're going to tell me sooner or later.
1211
00:53:20,486 --> 00:53:22,989
Now, we can do it my way,
1212
00:53:22,989 --> 00:53:24,891
which is very nice right now,
1213
00:53:24,991 --> 00:53:26,993
or we can do it their way,
1214
00:53:27,493 --> 00:53:29,663
which you're not going to like.
1215
00:53:40,873 --> 00:53:44,877
Heh heh heh.
1216
00:53:44,877 --> 00:53:48,881
You Canadians are so sneaky.
1217
00:53:48,881 --> 00:53:50,283
Don't touch that.
1218
00:53:50,383 --> 00:53:52,635
You'll black out most of Canada!
1219
00:53:52,635 --> 00:53:54,036
Ha ha ha!
1220
00:53:54,136 --> 00:53:55,538
Yeah, right.
1221
00:53:55,638 --> 00:53:57,640
What do we look like, jerks?
1222
00:53:57,640 --> 00:53:59,642
Please!
1223
00:54:00,142 --> 00:54:01,043
You screwed up now.
1224
00:54:01,143 --> 00:54:03,593
I'll be the judge of that!
1225
00:54:09,785 --> 00:54:12,288
All right. Let's move out.
1226
00:54:12,288 --> 00:54:14,190
And you, don't tell anybody we was here.
1227
00:54:14,290 --> 00:54:16,292
Come on!
1228
00:54:16,792 --> 00:54:19,412
Ow!
1229
00:54:19,412 --> 00:54:21,914
You know, I could get to like this.
1230
00:54:21,914 --> 00:54:27,803
Really?
1231
00:54:27,803 --> 00:54:30,806
On these screens here, Mr. President.
1232
00:54:31,307 --> 00:54:32,208
What is this?
What's happening?
1233
00:54:32,308 --> 00:54:32,981
All of Canada
1234
00:54:33,081 --> 00:54:33,960
is going dark, sir.
1235
00:54:34,060 --> 00:54:36,562
What do you make of this?
1236
00:54:36,562 --> 00:54:38,965
I'll tell you,
but you'll dislike it.
1237
00:54:39,065 --> 00:54:39,966
Mr. President,
prime minister MacDonald,
1238
00:54:40,066 --> 00:54:40,967
calling from Ottawa.
1239
00:54:41,067 --> 00:54:44,070
Yes--
1240
00:54:44,070 --> 00:54:48,074
Clark, hi.
1241
00:54:48,074 --> 00:54:51,577
Now, why would we want to cut off your power?
1242
00:54:51,577 --> 00:54:53,579
No. What--calm down.
1243
00:54:53,579 --> 00:54:56,082
Calm--
1244
00:54:56,082 --> 00:54:57,483
No. If we were up to something,
1245
00:54:57,583 --> 00:54:58,985
we would have mined your harbors.
1246
00:54:59,085 --> 00:55:01,087
Damn right.
1247
00:55:01,087 --> 00:55:01,988
What?
1248
00:55:02,088 --> 00:55:06,092
Who?
1249
00:55:06,092 --> 00:55:08,594
Yeah, I see. Yeah.
1250
00:55:08,594 --> 00:55:10,496
We'll check this out,
and we'll get back to you.
1251
00:55:10,596 --> 00:55:11,998
Goodbye!
1252
00:55:12,098 --> 00:55:14,000
You're not going to believe this.
1253
00:55:14,100 --> 00:55:16,502
That same goddamned sheriff from Niagara Falls,
1254
00:55:16,602 --> 00:55:19,605
that--that--that hero...
1255
00:55:19,605 --> 00:55:22,108
Bud Boomer...
1256
00:55:22,108 --> 00:55:23,876
he's the one responsible for the blackout.
1257
00:55:23,976 --> 00:55:26,479
Boomer. Oh, sir.
That's bullshit!
1258
00:55:26,479 --> 00:55:28,981
This is a Canadian trick.
1259
00:55:28,981 --> 00:55:29,631
Blame us,
1260
00:55:29,731 --> 00:55:30,883
get world sympathy
1261
00:55:30,983 --> 00:55:31,884
and make it impossible
1262
00:55:31,984 --> 00:55:32,885
for our night-attack bombers
1263
00:55:32,985 --> 00:55:34,387
to locate their cities
1264
00:55:34,487 --> 00:55:35,388
and destroy their inhabitants.
1265
00:55:35,488 --> 00:55:36,889
God, sir,
1266
00:55:36,989 --> 00:55:39,509
that's the oldest trick in the book!
1267
00:55:50,247 --> 00:55:54,751
'Thank you for sleeping so quietly.
1268
00:55:54,751 --> 00:55:59,256
'I love you...
1269
00:55:59,256 --> 00:56:05,512
'even though you're a criminal.
1270
00:56:06,012 --> 00:56:10,016
'Thank you for keeping your cell clean.
1271
00:56:10,016 --> 00:56:11,284
'I...
1272
00:56:11,384 --> 00:56:17,023
'miss you.'
1273
00:56:17,023 --> 00:56:18,792
Welcome to Canada.
1274
00:56:18,892 --> 00:56:21,528
Hold it right there,
Canuck.
1275
00:56:22,028 --> 00:56:24,147
Who are you?
1276
00:56:24,147 --> 00:56:26,149
I'm your worst nightmare.
1277
00:56:26,149 --> 00:56:27,551
I'm a citizen
1278
00:56:27,651 --> 00:56:29,436
with a constitutional right to bear arms.
1279
00:56:29,536 --> 00:56:31,538
Heh heh heh!
1280
00:56:31,538 --> 00:56:33,440
Take the pelts.
Take whatever you want.
1281
00:56:33,540 --> 00:56:36,042
We don't want your stinking pelts.
1282
00:56:36,543 --> 00:56:38,562
Have some fudge.
Just leave me alone.
1283
00:56:38,662 --> 00:56:40,063
Didn't you hear him?
1284
00:56:40,163 --> 00:56:43,166
We're your worst nightmare.
1285
00:56:43,166 --> 00:56:45,166
My worst nightmare
1286
00:56:45,168 --> 00:56:48,171
involved a pack of rabid wolves.
1287
00:56:48,171 --> 00:56:50,807
I was stuck somewhere in the Yukon,
1288
00:56:50,807 --> 00:56:53,310
and there were tall,
skinny rabbits,
1289
00:56:53,310 --> 00:56:55,480
and they were drinking heavily.
1290
00:56:56,313 --> 00:56:58,682
Just shut up!
1291
00:56:58,682 --> 00:57:01,184
We want your prisoner.
Where is she?
1292
00:57:01,184 --> 00:57:03,720
I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh.
1293
00:57:03,820 --> 00:57:05,822
'Aboot?' it's 'about!'
1294
00:57:05,822 --> 00:57:07,822
What we're talking about!
1295
00:57:07,824 --> 00:57:08,387
And enough of
1296
00:57:08,487 --> 00:57:09,226
that 'eh' business.
1297
00:57:09,326 --> 00:57:11,828
Learn to talk right,
understand?
1298
00:57:12,329 --> 00:57:14,231
We got ways of making you
pronounce the letter 'o.'
1299
00:57:14,331 --> 00:57:16,333
I want my Honey!
1300
00:57:16,333 --> 00:57:17,734
Now, get the keys for the cells now.
1301
00:57:17,834 --> 00:57:18,985
Now!
1302
00:57:19,085 --> 00:57:20,353
Easy.
1303
00:57:20,453 --> 00:57:22,455
Easy.
1304
00:57:22,455 --> 00:57:24,958
O.k., Mr. Canuck,
1305
00:57:24,958 --> 00:57:26,860
Mr. two-time world series winner.
1306
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:30,463
Hey, watch that fancy move!
1307
00:57:30,463 --> 00:57:33,053
See, this is all the prisoners we have.
1308
00:57:33,466 --> 00:57:35,466
This man was arrested
1309
00:57:35,468 --> 00:57:38,371
for putting regular gas into an unleaded tank.
1310
00:57:38,471 --> 00:57:40,373
Where do you think you're going?
1311
00:57:40,473 --> 00:57:42,876
I'm going over to show you the next guy.
1312
00:57:42,976 --> 00:57:45,478
Easy. One step at a time.
1313
00:57:45,478 --> 00:57:46,880
This man was arrested
1314
00:57:46,980 --> 00:57:49,134
for being in
1315
00:57:49,234 --> 00:57:52,235
too many bad moods.
1316
00:57:52,235 --> 00:57:53,136
I got you covered.
1317
00:57:53,236 --> 00:57:54,137
I got you covered.
1318
00:57:54,237 --> 00:57:56,239
I got you covered, buddy.
1319
00:57:56,239 --> 00:57:58,241
This man raided a company,
1320
00:57:58,241 --> 00:58:00,143
merged it with his conglomerate,
1321
00:58:00,243 --> 00:58:02,145
and then fired all the employees.
1322
00:58:02,245 --> 00:58:03,647
Get away from the bars, you scum!
1323
00:58:03,747 --> 00:58:04,648
Boomer!
1324
00:58:04,748 --> 00:58:07,751
Hold on, Jack.
1325
00:58:08,251 --> 00:58:10,153
Now, you tell us where Honey is.
1326
00:58:10,253 --> 00:58:11,154
Let me paint a picture
1327
00:58:11,254 --> 00:58:12,656
for you, buddy.
1328
00:58:12,756 --> 00:58:15,258
She's petite,
extremely beautiful,
1329
00:58:15,258 --> 00:58:18,261
and heavily armed.
1330
00:58:18,261 --> 00:58:20,163
Wait. You mean the litterbug.
1331
00:58:20,263 --> 00:58:22,265
They took her to the capital
1332
00:58:22,265 --> 00:58:25,302
to give her a free mental health examination.
1333
00:58:25,402 --> 00:58:27,904
Good. The capital, Toronto.
1334
00:58:27,904 --> 00:58:31,908
No. The capital of Canada is Ottawa.
1335
00:58:31,908 --> 00:58:33,910
Ha ha ha!
1336
00:58:34,411 --> 00:58:36,913
Yeah, right.
1337
00:58:36,913 --> 00:58:38,315
Do we look that stupid?
1338
00:58:38,415 --> 00:58:40,417
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
1339
00:58:40,917 --> 00:58:42,319
Ha ha ha!
1340
00:58:42,419 --> 00:58:43,820
Ottawa!
1341
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:44,821
Ha ha ha!
1342
00:58:44,921 --> 00:58:46,690
Nice try, Dudley.
1343
00:58:46,790 --> 00:58:48,191
All right, boys!
1344
00:58:48,291 --> 00:58:50,293
We're going to Toronto...
1345
00:58:50,293 --> 00:58:51,695
Ha ha ha!
1346
00:58:51,795 --> 00:58:53,795
The capital.
1347
00:59:00,687 --> 00:59:02,689
Do you want some water?
1348
00:59:02,689 --> 00:59:03,590
Mm-hmm.
1349
00:59:03,690 --> 00:59:05,091
Mm-hmm.
1350
00:59:05,191 --> 00:59:07,310
Too bad.
1351
00:59:07,310 --> 00:59:10,814
Gentlemen...
1352
00:59:11,314 --> 00:59:12,365
Let's, uh,
1353
00:59:12,465 --> 00:59:13,717
take the truck.
1354
00:59:13,817 --> 00:59:15,218
Ha ha ha!
1355
00:59:15,318 --> 00:59:16,219
Ha ha ha!
1356
00:59:16,319 --> 00:59:19,823
Let's go!
1357
00:59:19,823 --> 00:59:22,826
Hey, Boomer?
1358
00:59:22,826 --> 00:59:24,826
Yeah? What's wrong?
1359
00:59:24,828 --> 00:59:27,330
I got an idea.
1360
00:59:27,831 --> 00:59:28,732
Oh, yeah.
1361
00:59:28,832 --> 00:59:30,650
Oh, yeah.
1362
00:59:30,750 --> 00:59:32,152
Mr. President,
1363
00:59:32,252 --> 00:59:33,653
I think we should look on the positive side.
1364
00:59:33,753 --> 00:59:35,753
What we have
1365
00:59:35,755 --> 00:59:37,657
is a brave but misguided group of Americans
1366
00:59:37,757 --> 00:59:39,757
who've gone into Canada
1367
00:59:39,759 --> 00:59:41,161
and kicked some serious Canadian butt.
1368
00:59:41,261 --> 00:59:42,162
Well, we've got to do something.
1369
00:59:42,262 --> 00:59:51,404
We could send in the omega force.
1370
00:59:51,905 --> 00:59:55,408
Isn't that a bit drastic?
1371
00:59:55,408 --> 00:59:59,913
Sir, the helms amendment and nsc order 725
1372
01:00:00,413 --> 01:00:01,815
both specifically prohibit
1373
01:00:01,915 --> 01:00:03,817
the use of omega force against Caucasians.
1374
01:00:03,917 --> 01:00:06,035
That's right.
1375
01:00:06,536 --> 01:00:09,439
I guess if I were the
president's male secretary,
1376
01:00:09,539 --> 01:00:12,792
I might read the helms amendment that way.
1377
01:00:12,792 --> 01:00:15,044
What choice do we have, sir?
1378
01:00:15,545 --> 01:00:18,448
We have to take this sheriff out immediately
1379
01:00:18,548 --> 01:00:20,450
before this turns into a shooting war
1380
01:00:20,550 --> 01:00:24,053
instead of the cold war that we wanted.
1381
01:00:24,053 --> 01:00:25,455
Mr. President...
1382
01:00:25,555 --> 01:00:26,956
Hey! Hey!
1383
01:00:27,056 --> 01:00:30,059
Sheriff Boomer has become a national idol
1384
01:00:30,059 --> 01:00:32,962
at a time when our people lack true heroes,
1385
01:00:33,062 --> 01:00:35,062
yourself excluded, sir.
1386
01:00:35,064 --> 01:00:37,350
It would seem wise not to lose him.
1387
01:00:37,450 --> 01:00:41,454
General, the president should see this, sir.
1388
01:00:41,454 --> 01:00:43,857
Enraged by the imprisonment of hostage Honey,
1389
01:00:43,957 --> 01:00:46,476
and inspired by their hero Bud Boomer,
1390
01:00:46,576 --> 01:00:49,329
US Citizens from coast to coast
1391
01:00:49,329 --> 01:00:51,731
are taking actions against
Americans of Canadian birth
1392
01:00:51,831 --> 01:00:54,834
and suspected Canadian sympathizers.
1393
01:00:55,335 --> 01:00:56,870
Some Americans in other border towns
1394
01:00:56,970 --> 01:00:59,770
have followed sheriff Boomer into Canada
1395
01:01:00,223 --> 01:01:03,843
with the hope of liberating that country.
1396
01:01:03,843 --> 01:01:05,245
Everything I see
1397
01:01:05,345 --> 01:01:06,279
or read about
1398
01:01:06,379 --> 01:01:07,247
these Canadians
1399
01:01:07,347 --> 01:01:09,349
just makes me want to puke!
1400
01:01:09,349 --> 01:01:10,250
USA, USA
1401
01:01:10,350 --> 01:01:13,253
It's time we put America back in north America.
1402
01:01:13,353 --> 01:01:15,855
God bless Bud Boomer!
1403
01:01:15,855 --> 01:01:17,855
USA, USA
1404
01:01:17,857 --> 01:01:19,859
Oh...christ.
1405
01:01:19,859 --> 01:01:23,363
Mr. President, I believe we have no choice
1406
01:01:23,363 --> 01:01:26,366
but to remove Bud Boomer judiciously...
1407
01:01:26,366 --> 01:01:29,869
Ah...
1408
01:01:29,869 --> 01:01:34,757
Now.
1409
01:01:34,757 --> 01:01:40,263
Well, it's an idea.
1410
01:01:40,263 --> 01:01:42,265
Send in omega force!
1411
01:02:06,039 --> 01:02:08,839
Spread your tiny wings and fly away...
1412
01:02:14,047 --> 01:02:16,047
Go fish.
1413
01:02:24,674 --> 01:02:26,676
Welcome to Canada.
1414
01:02:26,676 --> 01:02:27,577
Who are you?
1415
01:02:27,677 --> 01:02:29,078
Uhh!
1416
01:02:29,178 --> 01:02:31,180
Uhh!
1417
01:02:31,180 --> 01:02:36,436
That was totally unnecessary.
1418
01:02:36,936 --> 01:02:38,936
Where is Boomer?
1419
01:02:38,938 --> 01:02:41,441
I had an amazing hand.
1420
01:02:41,441 --> 01:02:44,944
Where is he?
1421
01:02:44,944 --> 01:02:46,944
Toronto.
1422
01:02:54,087 --> 01:02:57,590
We're coming, Honey.
We're coming.
1423
01:02:57,590 --> 01:03:03,096
Hey, Boomer, how come you
never let me drive, man?
1424
01:03:03,096 --> 01:03:04,998
Just don't--don't start with me, all right?
1425
01:03:05,098 --> 01:03:07,478
The black cat never gets to drive.
1426
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:09,002
It's not because you're black.
1427
01:03:09,102 --> 01:03:09,771
Lots of black guys
1428
01:03:09,871 --> 01:03:10,503
drive all the time.
1429
01:03:10,603 --> 01:03:12,605
For example.
1430
01:03:12,605 --> 01:03:14,007
What's his name?
Danny Glover
1431
01:03:14,107 --> 01:03:16,009
In driving Miss...
What's her name?
1432
01:03:16,109 --> 01:03:18,011
Danny Glover didn't drive Miss Daisy.
1433
01:03:18,111 --> 01:03:20,613
He drove Mel Gibson.
1434
01:03:20,613 --> 01:03:22,015
He didn't drive Mel Gibson.
1435
01:03:22,115 --> 01:03:24,017
That's Eddie Murphy drives Mel Gibson.
1436
01:03:24,117 --> 01:03:25,518
Eddie Murphy drives Nick Nolte.
1437
01:03:25,618 --> 01:03:27,020
He does not.
1438
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:30,373
Hey, guys,
I drove once.
1439
01:03:32,375 --> 01:03:33,026
Oh, jeez.
1440
01:03:33,126 --> 01:03:34,527
Oh, jeez.
1441
01:03:34,627 --> 01:03:36,629
Oh, jeez.
1442
01:03:36,629 --> 01:03:38,629
Maybe it's not us.
1443
01:03:38,998 --> 01:03:40,033
It's not us.
1444
01:03:40,133 --> 01:03:41,034
Pull over!
1445
01:03:41,134 --> 01:03:42,652
Pull over!
1446
01:03:42,752 --> 01:03:45,755
It's us. He wants us.
All right.
1447
01:03:45,755 --> 01:03:52,261
We're pulling over.
1448
01:03:52,261 --> 01:03:54,163
All right, fellas.
Just act normal,
1449
01:03:54,263 --> 01:03:56,048
all right?
1450
01:03:56,148 --> 01:03:57,667
Act normal,
1451
01:03:57,767 --> 01:03:58,668
not normal for us.
1452
01:03:58,768 --> 01:03:59,488
Normal for
1453
01:03:59,588 --> 01:04:01,588
regular people.
1454
01:04:05,775 --> 01:04:06,676
Good day.
1455
01:04:06,776 --> 01:04:08,778
Hi.
1456
01:04:08,778 --> 01:04:11,931
May I see your license and registration, please?
1457
01:04:12,031 --> 01:04:12,682
There you go.
1458
01:04:12,782 --> 01:04:14,784
Thank you.
1459
01:04:14,784 --> 01:04:16,786
Oh, Americans!
1460
01:04:16,786 --> 01:04:18,571
Welcome to Ontario,
A sportsman's paradise.
1461
01:04:18,671 --> 01:04:20,790
Isn't it, though?
1462
01:04:20,790 --> 01:04:24,010
Please get out and step away from the vehicle.
1463
01:04:33,186 --> 01:04:35,188
O.k...
1464
01:04:35,188 --> 01:04:36,589
What is wrong with this picture?
1465
01:04:36,689 --> 01:04:38,091
Um...
1466
01:04:38,191 --> 01:04:40,191
Uh...
1467
01:04:40,193 --> 01:04:40,593
No snow tires.
1468
01:04:40,693 --> 01:04:42,462
No.
1469
01:04:42,562 --> 01:04:43,685
I was driving on the
1470
01:04:43,785 --> 01:04:44,964
wrong side of the road.
1471
01:04:45,064 --> 01:04:45,965
I can explain that.
1472
01:04:46,065 --> 01:04:47,600
I am not used to your rules up here.
1473
01:04:47,700 --> 01:04:50,203
That's not it.
1474
01:04:50,203 --> 01:04:52,855
This writing on the side of your vehicle.
1475
01:04:52,955 --> 01:04:55,458
Oh! How did that get there?
1476
01:04:55,458 --> 01:04:56,359
Those kids at the garage,
1477
01:04:56,459 --> 01:04:57,727
I just--
1478
01:04:57,827 --> 01:04:59,829
Whatever.
1479
01:04:59,829 --> 01:05:01,230
My concern is the sensibilities
1480
01:05:01,330 --> 01:05:02,732
of a certain distinct
1481
01:05:02,832 --> 01:05:04,734
and viable part of Canadian society--
1482
01:05:04,834 --> 01:05:06,235
Les Quebecois.
1483
01:05:06,335 --> 01:05:07,236
Huh?
1484
01:05:07,336 --> 01:05:09,338
You know,
wine drinkers.
1485
01:05:09,338 --> 01:05:10,740
Pea-soup eaters.
1486
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:12,241
French Canadians.
1487
01:05:12,341 --> 01:05:14,343
Oh, yeah.
Those guys. Sure.
1488
01:05:14,844 --> 01:05:16,245
If you wish to avoid prosecution,
1489
01:05:16,345 --> 01:05:19,248
I'd advise that you comply
with our language laws,
1490
01:05:19,348 --> 01:05:22,351
which specifically prescribe
1491
01:05:22,351 --> 01:05:25,855
that all signs be in both English and French,
1492
01:05:26,355 --> 01:05:27,256
Canada's 2 official languages.
1493
01:05:27,356 --> 01:05:28,758
O.k.
1494
01:05:28,858 --> 01:05:30,860
I do have to fine you.
1495
01:05:30,860 --> 01:05:32,261
That'll be $1,000 Canadian
1496
01:05:32,361 --> 01:05:35,364
or $10 American if you'd prefer.
1497
01:05:35,364 --> 01:05:38,868
Oh! No. I'll pay the American there. Yeah.
1498
01:05:38,868 --> 01:05:40,870
There you go, buddy.
1499
01:05:40,870 --> 01:05:42,872
Here you are, $10.
1500
01:05:42,872 --> 01:05:43,773
Thank you very much.
There's your receipt.
1501
01:05:43,873 --> 01:05:45,158
Thank you.
1502
01:05:45,258 --> 01:05:47,760
And now...
1503
01:05:49,762 --> 01:05:51,762
In French,
if you please.
1504
01:06:10,650 --> 01:06:17,156
Dr. Wall, Dr. Wall,
please pick up line 5.
1505
01:06:17,657 --> 01:06:21,294
All doctors participating
1506
01:06:21,294 --> 01:06:24,197
in today's house calls,
please report to the lobby.
1507
01:06:24,297 --> 01:06:26,297
'Get well soon
1508
01:06:26,299 --> 01:06:28,201
'From prime minister Clark MacDonald.'
1509
01:06:28,301 --> 01:06:30,820
Anyone in need of a free triple bypass,
1510
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:32,822
please sign the bonus slip in your room.
1511
01:06:32,922 --> 01:06:34,824
'Get well, get well,
feel good.'
1512
01:06:34,924 --> 01:06:39,428
This is...
1513
01:06:39,428 --> 01:06:41,931
'Best wishes,
Gordon Lightfoot.'
1514
01:06:41,931 --> 01:06:44,934
Eww!
1515
01:06:44,934 --> 01:06:45,835
Ottawa!
1516
01:06:45,935 --> 01:06:49,572
Go, fifi!
1517
01:06:49,572 --> 01:06:50,215
So, we're up
1518
01:06:50,315 --> 01:06:51,224
and around, are we?
1519
01:06:51,324 --> 01:06:54,193
And how are we feeling today?
1520
01:06:54,694 --> 01:06:57,096
Aren't you two a little young to be doctors?
1521
01:06:57,196 --> 01:06:59,599
Oh, we're not doctors.
We're candy stripers.
1522
01:06:59,699 --> 01:07:00,600
Our universal health care system
1523
01:07:00,700 --> 01:07:02,101
has determined
1524
01:07:02,201 --> 01:07:03,102
that you don't actually need a doctor until...
1525
01:07:03,202 --> 01:07:05,705
2006.
1526
01:07:05,705 --> 01:07:07,707
Until then,
we're here to see
1527
01:07:07,707 --> 01:07:09,992
that you're comfortable and to give you, uh...
1528
01:07:10,092 --> 01:07:12,094
a kidney transplant.
1529
01:07:12,595 --> 01:07:14,714
No, that can't be right.
1530
01:07:14,714 --> 01:07:15,615
Check the paperwork.
1531
01:07:15,715 --> 01:07:17,116
Ow!
1532
01:07:17,216 --> 01:07:18,618
Oh! Oh!
1533
01:07:18,718 --> 01:07:20,369
Oh, Douglas!
1534
01:07:20,469 --> 01:07:21,871
Born
1535
01:07:21,971 --> 01:07:22,872
Born in the USA
1536
01:07:22,972 --> 01:07:24,373
I was
1537
01:07:24,473 --> 01:07:26,475
Born in the USA
1538
01:07:26,475 --> 01:07:27,877
I was
1539
01:07:27,977 --> 01:07:30,479
Born in the USA
1540
01:07:30,479 --> 01:07:31,264
I was
1541
01:07:31,364 --> 01:07:33,866
Born in the USA
1542
01:07:33,866 --> 01:07:35,268
I was
1543
01:07:35,368 --> 01:07:39,372
Born in the USA
1544
01:07:39,372 --> 01:07:42,375
Born in the USA
1545
01:07:42,875 --> 01:07:44,877
Dah, dah
1546
01:07:44,877 --> 01:07:46,877
Dah, dah, dah, USA?
1547
01:07:53,753 --> 01:07:55,755
If you catch a cold,
1548
01:07:55,755 --> 01:07:58,507
there's some aspirin in the cabinet.
1549
01:07:59,008 --> 01:08:03,348
And thanks for hanging on to my
American-made assault weapons.
1550
01:08:07,149 --> 01:08:09,051
Dr. Fred Einerschmidt to 2-b.
1551
01:08:09,151 --> 01:08:10,169
Give me that.
1552
01:08:10,269 --> 01:08:12,772
O...
1553
01:08:13,272 --> 01:08:14,173
- klahoma
1554
01:08:14,273 --> 01:08:16,776
O...
1555
01:08:16,776 --> 01:08:18,177
- klahoma
1556
01:08:18,277 --> 01:08:19,679
O...
1557
01:08:19,779 --> 01:08:20,680
- klahoma
1558
01:08:20,780 --> 01:08:22,181
Hmm mm mm
1559
01:08:22,281 --> 01:08:24,784
Dah dah dah dah dah
1560
01:08:24,784 --> 01:08:26,786
Oklahoma
1561
01:08:26,786 --> 01:08:28,788
Oklahoma
1562
01:08:28,788 --> 01:08:30,788
Oklahoma
1563
01:08:30,790 --> 01:08:32,792
Okla...Oklahoma?
1564
01:08:49,308 --> 01:08:51,811
Hey, it's o.k.
1565
01:08:52,311 --> 01:08:54,311
It was just my toe.
1566
01:09:07,326 --> 01:09:11,330
All right.
That's enough, man.
1567
01:09:11,831 --> 01:09:14,233
You guys aren't thinking
about Honey at all, are you?
1568
01:09:14,333 --> 01:09:16,335
I'm worried sick.
1569
01:09:16,335 --> 01:09:18,335
Ever see the dirty dozen?
1570
01:09:18,337 --> 01:09:19,872
That was a cool movie.
1571
01:09:19,972 --> 01:09:21,240
Man, that was real cool.
1572
01:09:21,340 --> 01:09:22,742
Lee Marvin...
1573
01:09:22,842 --> 01:09:23,743
Charles Bronson...
1574
01:09:23,843 --> 01:09:25,628
Ernest Borgnine.
1575
01:09:25,728 --> 01:09:27,730
Jim Brown.
1576
01:09:27,730 --> 01:09:30,232
Uh, Telly Savalas,
Clint Walker.
1577
01:09:30,232 --> 01:09:31,250
Jim Brown.
1578
01:09:31,350 --> 01:09:32,635
Trini Lopez!
1579
01:09:32,735 --> 01:09:33,636
Cool.
1580
01:09:33,736 --> 01:09:36,639
Trini Lopez! Never could figure that one out.
1581
01:09:36,739 --> 01:09:38,641
What the hell was he doing in the dirty dozen?
1582
01:09:38,741 --> 01:09:40,142
If I was putting together
1583
01:09:40,242 --> 01:09:42,144
a group of murderers and cutthroats,
1584
01:09:42,244 --> 01:09:44,647
Trini Lopez would not be in the starting lineup.
1585
01:09:44,747 --> 01:09:46,015
That's why he dies first.
1586
01:09:46,115 --> 01:09:46,766
Don't they all die?
1587
01:09:46,866 --> 01:09:48,267
No.
1588
01:09:48,367 --> 01:09:49,518
Jim Brown dies.
1589
01:09:49,618 --> 01:09:51,020
What do you expect?
1590
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:51,520
Of all the dirty dozen,
1591
01:09:51,620 --> 01:09:53,022
this black guy's
1592
01:09:53,122 --> 01:09:54,523
supposed to sneak in behind enemy lines
1593
01:09:54,623 --> 01:09:57,126
and pretend he's a Kraut?
1594
01:09:57,626 --> 01:09:59,028
That's not it, man.
1595
01:09:59,128 --> 01:10:02,131
It's just the black guy always dies.
1596
01:10:02,131 --> 01:10:04,033
Think about it, man.
Unforgiven...
1597
01:10:04,133 --> 01:10:05,534
Uh,
Alien...
1598
01:10:05,634 --> 01:10:06,535
Rocky IV...
1599
01:10:06,635 --> 01:10:07,536
The shining...
1600
01:10:07,636 --> 01:10:09,038
Star Trek II...
1601
01:10:09,138 --> 01:10:10,539
Forrest Gump..
1602
01:10:10,639 --> 01:10:11,540
Witness...
1603
01:10:11,640 --> 01:10:13,042
Annie Hall.
1604
01:10:13,142 --> 01:10:15,144
Not Annie Hall...
1605
01:10:15,144 --> 01:10:16,045
Night of the living dead.
1606
01:10:16,145 --> 01:10:18,647
That's the one!
1607
01:10:18,647 --> 01:10:20,549
And what about that brother in Jurassic Park?
1608
01:10:20,649 --> 01:10:22,051
Oh, that was cool.
1609
01:10:22,151 --> 01:10:25,154
Two black guys died in that one. A twofer!
1610
01:10:25,154 --> 01:10:27,556
You must be really pissed off at that one.
1611
01:10:27,656 --> 01:10:29,656
I'm telling you, man,
1612
01:10:29,658 --> 01:10:31,898
the black guy always dies first.
1613
01:10:40,169 --> 01:10:44,173
Oh, aw, man.
1614
01:10:44,173 --> 01:10:45,074
Hey.
1615
01:10:45,174 --> 01:10:47,176
Don't worry,
Kabral.
1616
01:10:47,176 --> 01:10:49,176
You'll pass for Canadian.
1617
01:10:53,933 --> 01:10:55,933
You really do need help.
1618
01:10:55,935 --> 01:10:56,335
Oh, I need help?
1619
01:10:56,435 --> 01:10:58,437
Yeah.
1620
01:10:58,437 --> 01:11:00,840
Knock it off with this dirty dozen stuff.
1621
01:11:00,940 --> 01:11:02,341
Did anyone see Dirty Dancing?
1622
01:11:02,441 --> 01:11:03,476
Whoo!
1623
01:11:03,576 --> 01:11:05,578
Ha ha ha ha!
1624
01:11:05,578 --> 01:11:10,583
That was a good movie.
1625
01:11:11,083 --> 01:11:13,352
Welcome to the Hacker Hellstorm,
1626
01:11:13,452 --> 01:11:17,957
Your one-stop program for
total nuclear destruction.
1627
01:11:17,957 --> 01:11:24,463
Please enter your pin code now.
1628
01:11:24,463 --> 01:11:29,718
You have reached the Hellstorm
communications center.
1629
01:11:29,718 --> 01:11:32,121
Please choose your missile launch sites
1630
01:11:32,221 --> 01:11:34,223
from your on-screen menu.
1631
01:11:41,363 --> 01:11:43,365
Establishing contact...
1632
01:11:43,365 --> 01:11:47,369
with all US launch sites.
1633
01:11:47,369 --> 01:11:49,371
American missiles...
1634
01:11:49,371 --> 01:11:54,126
now under the control of the Hacker Hellstorm.
1635
01:11:54,126 --> 01:11:58,747
Countdown ready to commence.
1636
01:11:58,747 --> 01:12:01,500
Hellstorm activated.
1637
01:12:02,001 --> 01:12:04,003
Thank God for technology.
1638
01:12:04,003 --> 01:12:07,640
12 hours to launch.
1639
01:12:19,268 --> 01:12:20,669
Any word from omega force,
1640
01:12:20,769 --> 01:12:21,670
like where they are?
1641
01:12:21,770 --> 01:12:23,770
Hell, they--
1642
01:12:24,273 --> 01:12:25,174
What the hell is that?
1643
01:12:25,274 --> 01:12:27,409
It's def-con 4, sir.
1644
01:12:27,910 --> 01:12:29,812
Just remind me.
What is def-con 4?
1645
01:12:29,912 --> 01:12:31,313
Defense condition 4, sir.
1646
01:12:31,413 --> 01:12:32,815
A nuclear attack is imminent
1647
01:12:32,915 --> 01:12:33,816
or the opposite.
1648
01:12:33,916 --> 01:12:34,817
I'm not quite sure.
1649
01:12:34,917 --> 01:12:35,818
Imminent, Stu!
1650
01:12:35,918 --> 01:12:36,819
There you go,
imminent.
1651
01:12:36,919 --> 01:12:38,921
Well, can't we stop this?
1652
01:12:38,921 --> 01:12:40,823
The siren, sir,
or nuclear exchange?
1653
01:12:40,923 --> 01:12:43,042
Either one!
1654
01:12:43,042 --> 01:12:45,945
Uh, sir, our missile silos in southern Utah
1655
01:12:46,045 --> 01:12:48,145
have somehow become activated.
1656
01:12:48,547 --> 01:12:49,448
Well, who ordered that?
1657
01:12:49,548 --> 01:12:50,699
It wasn't me, was it?
1658
01:12:50,799 --> 01:12:52,201
No. I didn't order that.
1659
01:12:52,301 --> 01:12:54,303
Can't you stop this?
1660
01:12:54,303 --> 01:12:55,204
General Panzer,
1661
01:12:55,304 --> 01:12:56,205
where are those missiles aimed?
1662
01:12:56,305 --> 01:12:59,808
Well, sir, uh...
1663
01:12:59,808 --> 01:13:03,312
those icbms in southern Utah are, uh,
1664
01:13:03,312 --> 01:13:05,814
directed at, uh,
1665
01:13:05,814 --> 01:13:07,216
at Moscow, sir.
1666
01:13:07,316 --> 01:13:08,717
What?
1667
01:13:08,817 --> 01:13:11,820
Why would you aim missiles at an--an ally?
1668
01:13:11,820 --> 01:13:14,223
Sir, it seems that nearly all of our missiles
1669
01:13:14,323 --> 01:13:16,825
are directed at targets
1670
01:13:16,825 --> 01:13:18,227
in the former Soviet republics.
1671
01:13:18,327 --> 01:13:19,728
Why the hell is that?
1672
01:13:19,828 --> 01:13:21,828
With all due respect, sir,
1673
01:13:21,830 --> 01:13:22,176
your boys
1674
01:13:22,276 --> 01:13:22,731
in intelligence
1675
01:13:22,831 --> 01:13:24,833
never could decide
1676
01:13:24,833 --> 01:13:25,083
who was
1677
01:13:25,183 --> 01:13:25,734
a big enough threat
1678
01:13:25,834 --> 01:13:27,236
to point those babies elsewhere.
1679
01:13:27,336 --> 01:13:28,737
Let me say, sir,
1680
01:13:28,837 --> 01:13:29,668
if one of
1681
01:13:29,768 --> 01:13:30,739
our birds land
1682
01:13:30,839 --> 01:13:32,841
in the Russkies' backyard,
1683
01:13:32,841 --> 01:13:35,347
plenty will
1684
01:13:35,447 --> 01:13:39,231
be landing in ours.
1685
01:13:39,231 --> 01:13:41,734
I have just arrived here
1686
01:13:41,734 --> 01:13:45,237
as part of the pentagon press corps.
1687
01:13:45,237 --> 01:13:48,641
There are some things we will
not be allowed to show you.
1688
01:13:48,741 --> 01:13:52,244
But you can rest assured
that you will be getting
1689
01:13:52,244 --> 01:13:55,748
all of the information you need to know.
1690
01:13:55,748 --> 01:13:58,250
I am standing here--
1691
01:13:58,250 --> 01:14:00,250
in the middle of--
1692
01:14:00,252 --> 01:14:04,757
and it is--
1693
01:14:04,757 --> 01:14:09,762
for those of you with sons
and daughters up here,
1694
01:14:09,762 --> 01:14:11,762
I can only say that--
1695
01:14:17,770 --> 01:14:19,171
and that's about the only thing
1696
01:14:19,271 --> 01:14:24,143
that has been going wrong at this point.
1697
01:14:24,143 --> 01:14:25,544
The activation order
1698
01:14:25,644 --> 01:14:26,266
appears to be
1699
01:14:26,366 --> 01:14:27,179
coming from Canada.
1700
01:14:27,279 --> 01:14:28,681
How can Canada
1701
01:14:28,781 --> 01:14:30,182
activate our missiles?
1702
01:14:30,282 --> 01:14:31,684
Oh, shit.
The Hacker Hellstorm.
1703
01:14:31,784 --> 01:14:32,551
The what?
1704
01:14:32,651 --> 01:14:34,653
The Hacker Hellstorm.
1705
01:14:35,154 --> 01:14:36,055
Sir, it's a program you canceled
1706
01:14:36,155 --> 01:14:36,806
when you tried to
1707
01:14:36,906 --> 01:14:37,556
balance the budget.
1708
01:14:37,656 --> 01:14:39,058
What is the Hacker Hellstorm?
1709
01:14:39,158 --> 01:14:41,160
Vargo...
1710
01:14:41,160 --> 01:14:43,562
It's an automatic nuclear response system, sir.
1711
01:14:43,662 --> 01:14:45,564
It initiates a nuclear counterstrike on its own.
1712
01:14:45,664 --> 01:14:47,066
I never liked it.
1713
01:14:47,166 --> 01:14:48,567
Took the fun out of Armageddon.
1714
01:14:48,667 --> 01:14:50,069
I'm glad they canceled the son of a bitch.
1715
01:14:50,169 --> 01:14:51,570
How did Canada get it?
1716
01:14:51,670 --> 01:14:53,672
That's classified.
1717
01:14:53,672 --> 01:14:55,672
Classified?
1718
01:14:55,674 --> 01:14:57,676
I'm--I'm the president!
1719
01:14:57,676 --> 01:14:59,078
How did Canada get it, Stu?
1720
01:14:59,178 --> 01:15:01,628
I want to talk to Hacker right now!
1721
01:15:07,853 --> 01:15:09,255
It's a vision.
1722
01:15:09,355 --> 01:15:11,355
My eyes.
1723
01:15:21,116 --> 01:15:22,017
There it is, men.
1724
01:15:22,117 --> 01:15:23,519
Toronto.
1725
01:15:23,619 --> 01:15:27,122
It's beautiful.
1726
01:15:27,122 --> 01:15:28,908
It's like no other city I've ever seen.
1727
01:15:29,008 --> 01:15:32,011
It's like Albany...
1728
01:15:32,011 --> 01:15:34,011
Only cleaner.
1729
01:15:53,899 --> 01:15:55,899
The tower!
1730
01:16:04,660 --> 01:16:06,061
That's Toronto, boys.
1731
01:16:06,161 --> 01:16:09,164
Cool.
1732
01:16:09,164 --> 01:16:11,300
Wow!
1733
01:16:11,300 --> 01:16:14,453
Jeez, how do they clean all those windows?
1734
01:16:14,553 --> 01:16:16,553
Windex, dummy.
1735
01:16:22,311 --> 01:16:24,580
Where did they get so many buildings?
1736
01:16:24,680 --> 01:16:26,682
It's eerie.
1737
01:16:27,182 --> 01:16:28,584
Where is everybody?
I don't like this.
1738
01:16:28,684 --> 01:16:31,437
Me neither.
1739
01:16:31,437 --> 01:16:35,691
There's a kid up there.
1740
01:16:35,691 --> 01:16:38,694
Hey, hey, kid.
1741
01:16:38,694 --> 01:16:40,696
Kid, where is everybody?
1742
01:16:40,696 --> 01:16:41,981
The tower.
1743
01:16:42,081 --> 01:16:43,482
The tower?
1744
01:16:43,582 --> 01:16:44,984
The Canadian national tower.
1745
01:16:45,084 --> 01:16:47,236
Some crazy American woman's
there with a big gun.
1746
01:16:47,336 --> 01:16:49,838
Oh, thanks.
1747
01:16:49,838 --> 01:16:52,241
Crazy American lady with a gun. Ha ha.
1748
01:16:52,341 --> 01:16:53,242
It's Honey!
1749
01:16:53,342 --> 01:16:55,342
Come on, fellas, let's go.
1750
01:17:01,350 --> 01:17:02,251
Attention, please.
1751
01:17:02,351 --> 01:17:04,351
Attention, please.
1752
01:17:04,720 --> 01:17:07,660
This is the Royal Canadian mounted police.
1753
01:17:07,723 --> 01:17:09,625
Would you come down from the tower, please?
1754
01:17:09,725 --> 01:17:12,127
If you say 'please' one more time,
1755
01:17:12,227 --> 01:17:14,257
I'm going to let you have it.
1756
01:17:20,369 --> 01:17:21,770
No, no, no.
I got that part.
1757
01:17:21,870 --> 01:17:23,272
What I don't understand
1758
01:17:23,372 --> 01:17:24,773
is how the Canadians
1759
01:17:24,873 --> 01:17:28,377
have a fully functional
and operational Hellstorm.
1760
01:17:28,377 --> 01:17:30,548
I thought what I sold them
1761
01:17:30,648 --> 01:17:31,780
was not usable.
1762
01:17:31,880 --> 01:17:33,282
How the hell did I let you
1763
01:17:33,382 --> 01:17:35,384
Stuey...
1764
01:17:35,384 --> 01:17:37,886
God almighty.
1765
01:17:37,886 --> 01:17:39,288
Why do you bother your head
1766
01:17:39,388 --> 01:17:41,390
with this kind of crap?
1767
01:17:41,390 --> 01:17:43,792
Maybe it's because you're an only child.
1768
01:17:43,892 --> 01:17:45,294
Or maybe it's because
1769
01:17:45,394 --> 01:17:47,396
you're becoming irrelevant.
1770
01:17:47,396 --> 01:17:49,298
Now, calm down,
for christ's sake.
1771
01:17:49,398 --> 01:17:51,400
Mm-hmm.
1772
01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:52,801
The Canadians cannot launch any missiles.
1773
01:17:52,901 --> 01:17:55,404
Only I can,
1774
01:17:55,404 --> 01:17:57,406
because I have the codes,
1775
01:17:57,406 --> 01:17:59,406
All of them.
1776
01:17:59,408 --> 01:18:00,809
And I'm in control.
1777
01:18:00,909 --> 01:18:02,911
So, easy.
1778
01:18:02,911 --> 01:18:04,956
Missile countdown has started in
1779
01:18:05,056 --> 01:18:06,315
Wyoming and Montana.
1780
01:18:06,415 --> 01:18:07,816
All right.
I want an answer.
1781
01:18:07,916 --> 01:18:09,318
Does Canada have the power
1782
01:18:09,418 --> 01:18:11,938
to launch America's nuclear weapons?
1783
01:18:12,171 --> 01:18:16,675
The Hacker Hellstorm can do that and a lot more.
1784
01:18:16,675 --> 01:18:19,078
And if you hadn't canceled that program,
1785
01:18:19,178 --> 01:18:20,079
the technology would
1786
01:18:20,179 --> 01:18:22,181
still be in American hands.
1787
01:18:22,181 --> 01:18:24,583
So you sold control of American missiles
1788
01:18:24,683 --> 01:18:26,685
to a foreign country.
1789
01:18:26,685 --> 01:18:27,555
If you can call
1790
01:18:27,655 --> 01:18:28,587
Canada foreign
1791
01:18:28,687 --> 01:18:31,190
or a country.
1792
01:18:31,190 --> 01:18:33,092
When you canceled that program,
1793
01:18:33,192 --> 01:18:34,093
you left me standing there
1794
01:18:34,193 --> 01:18:37,196
out of pocket $500 million!
1795
01:18:37,696 --> 01:18:39,098
I got to make up
1796
01:18:39,198 --> 01:18:41,200
on a shortfall like that.
1797
01:18:41,200 --> 01:18:44,703
After all the billions he's made on uncle Sam...
1798
01:18:44,703 --> 01:18:47,206
in a decent, God-fearing country,
1799
01:18:47,206 --> 01:18:49,108
I'd be allowed to beat the two of you to death.
1800
01:18:49,208 --> 01:18:50,609
It's scum like you
1801
01:18:50,709 --> 01:18:52,478
that make a simple war all screwed up
1802
01:18:52,578 --> 01:18:55,214
and confusing.
1803
01:18:55,214 --> 01:18:58,984
It's people like us who keep
people like you in business.
1804
01:18:59,084 --> 01:19:01,487
We're now registering
missile activity in Nevada.
1805
01:19:01,587 --> 01:19:04,089
All right,
now I want to know
1806
01:19:04,089 --> 01:19:07,593
where exactly did you install this,
1807
01:19:07,593 --> 01:19:08,994
this Hellstorm thing?
1808
01:19:09,094 --> 01:19:12,598
Ever run an old possum up a tree, Mr. President?
1809
01:19:12,598 --> 01:19:15,188
He'll find the highest branch he can.
1810
01:19:38,507 --> 01:19:40,507
Out of my way.
Out of my way.
1811
01:19:40,509 --> 01:19:41,410
Out of my way.
1812
01:19:41,510 --> 01:19:42,911
Oh, I'm sorry.
1813
01:19:43,011 --> 01:19:44,413
Excuse me.
1814
01:19:44,513 --> 01:19:47,015
Out of my way.
Out of my way.
1815
01:19:47,516 --> 01:19:48,417
I'm sorry.
1816
01:19:48,517 --> 01:19:50,519
Out of my way.
Out of my way.
1817
01:19:50,519 --> 01:19:52,519
I'm sorry.
1818
01:19:52,521 --> 01:19:54,523
All right.
You wait here.
1819
01:19:54,523 --> 01:19:57,113
I'll be right back.
Get out of my way.
1820
01:20:06,285 --> 01:20:08,285
Oh...
1821
01:20:28,807 --> 01:20:31,710
Now, you know that I built Hellstorm number 1.
1822
01:20:31,810 --> 01:20:33,812
But what you don't know
1823
01:20:33,812 --> 01:20:36,215
is that I also built Hellstorm number 2.
1824
01:20:36,315 --> 01:20:38,317
what's that?
What's 2?
1825
01:20:38,317 --> 01:20:41,320
It's to defend us against Hellstorm 1.
1826
01:20:41,820 --> 01:20:43,097
Just in case an enemy
1827
01:20:43,197 --> 01:20:44,473
should ever acquire it.
1828
01:20:44,573 --> 01:20:45,974
I don't want to say that it's pure genius,
1829
01:20:46,074 --> 01:20:46,975
But--
1830
01:20:47,075 --> 01:20:48,477
No, no.
It's insane!
1831
01:20:48,577 --> 01:20:50,829
It's business.
1832
01:20:51,330 --> 01:20:53,232
And I can let you have it immediately,
1833
01:20:53,332 --> 01:20:54,733
but it won't be cheap.
1834
01:20:54,833 --> 01:20:57,236
It won't be cheap?
How much will it be?
1835
01:20:57,336 --> 01:20:59,838
$1 trillion.
1836
01:20:59,838 --> 01:21:01,840
$1 trillion!
1837
01:21:01,840 --> 01:21:04,209
That includes the cost overruns.
1838
01:21:04,209 --> 01:21:06,111
Mr. Hacker, you've got uncle Sam
1839
01:21:06,211 --> 01:21:08,213
by the cojones.
1840
01:21:08,213 --> 01:21:10,716
Don't you have any patriotism, sir?
1841
01:21:10,716 --> 01:21:12,718
What about the Alamo?
1842
01:21:12,718 --> 01:21:14,119
The halls of Montezuma,
1843
01:21:14,219 --> 01:21:16,221
the sands of Iwo Jima?
1844
01:21:16,221 --> 01:21:18,724
The guns of Navarone?
1845
01:21:18,724 --> 01:21:21,126
Didn't you ever fantasize about the duke
1846
01:21:21,226 --> 01:21:22,628
in the flying leathernecks?
1847
01:21:22,728 --> 01:21:24,129
Huh?
1848
01:21:24,229 --> 01:21:26,131
I mean, fantasize about being the duke,
1849
01:21:26,231 --> 01:21:27,182
not fantasize
1850
01:21:27,282 --> 01:21:28,133
about the duke.
1851
01:21:28,233 --> 01:21:30,235
You know what I mean, sir?
1852
01:21:30,235 --> 01:21:33,035
30 minutes to launch.
1853
01:21:40,996 --> 01:21:44,132
Oh, god...
1854
01:21:44,633 --> 01:21:47,013
What have you got there?
1855
01:21:53,759 --> 01:21:55,160
Oh, my god...
1856
01:21:55,260 --> 01:21:58,163
Mr. President, we have a
Situation uranus in Utah.
1857
01:21:58,263 --> 01:22:00,165
They bumped their birds up to t-minus 7.
1858
01:22:00,265 --> 01:22:01,667
This is terrible.
1859
01:22:01,767 --> 01:22:03,168
I didn't understand a word of what he said.
1860
01:22:03,268 --> 01:22:04,670
He said the missiles will launch
1861
01:22:04,770 --> 01:22:05,170
in 7 minutes.
1862
01:22:05,270 --> 01:22:07,272
Oh, my god!
1863
01:22:07,272 --> 01:22:08,674
Mr. President,
1864
01:22:08,774 --> 01:22:09,675
you got 6 minutes and change.
1865
01:22:09,775 --> 01:22:10,676
This is a mistake
1866
01:22:10,776 --> 01:22:12,177
you do not want to make!
1867
01:22:12,277 --> 01:22:13,133
Negotiate with him.
1868
01:22:13,233 --> 01:22:14,179
Give him what he wants.
1869
01:22:14,279 --> 01:22:15,681
I know. Just give me a second.
1870
01:22:15,781 --> 01:22:18,684
Gentlemen, I intend to put some shoe leather
1871
01:22:18,784 --> 01:22:21,286
between me and ground zero.
1872
01:22:21,286 --> 01:22:22,688
Call me, Mr. President,
1873
01:22:22,788 --> 01:22:24,189
when you decide to give me the money.
1874
01:22:24,289 --> 01:22:26,191
Wait a second.
Hold on 1 second.
1875
01:22:26,291 --> 01:22:27,693
I don't understand something.
1876
01:22:27,793 --> 01:22:29,695
Why would the Canadians try to start a war
1877
01:22:29,795 --> 01:22:30,696
between us and the Russians?
1878
01:22:30,796 --> 01:22:32,197
I don't get that.
1879
01:22:32,297 --> 01:22:34,800
Hacker!
1880
01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:37,436
Hacker! Hack--
1881
01:22:37,436 --> 01:22:40,088
Get me intelligence.
I need intelligence.
1882
01:22:40,188 --> 01:22:41,590
Canada's not launching those missiles.
1883
01:22:41,690 --> 01:22:43,091
You are!
1884
01:22:43,191 --> 01:22:45,594
Give me the money,
Then I'll turn it off.
1885
01:22:45,694 --> 01:22:50,198
Give me the goddamn codes!
1886
01:22:50,198 --> 01:22:54,453
You son of a bitch,
You're through!
1887
01:22:54,953 --> 01:22:56,471
Oh, my god!
1888
01:22:56,571 --> 01:22:59,324
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
1889
01:22:59,825 --> 01:23:03,078
Guards! Arrest Mr. Smiley!
1890
01:23:03,078 --> 01:23:05,080
Wait! I got the codes!
1891
01:23:08,583 --> 01:23:09,985
Mr. Hacker?
1892
01:23:10,085 --> 01:23:12,087
Mr. Hacker?
1893
01:23:12,087 --> 01:23:12,988
I think this old possum
1894
01:23:13,088 --> 01:23:14,489
has bought the farm.
1895
01:23:14,589 --> 01:23:16,589
E-i-e-i-o.
1896
01:23:30,355 --> 01:23:31,256
Oh, excuse me.
1897
01:23:31,356 --> 01:23:32,257
Pardon me.
1898
01:23:32,357 --> 01:23:34,142
Sorry.
1899
01:23:34,242 --> 01:23:35,143
Oh!
1900
01:23:35,243 --> 01:23:37,243
Sorry!
1901
01:23:42,751 --> 01:23:44,751
Stu, Stu, Stu,
1902
01:23:44,753 --> 01:23:46,154
It really pains me to see you this way.
1903
01:23:46,254 --> 01:23:48,256
Ah, who am I kidding?
1904
01:23:48,256 --> 01:23:49,157
We'll torture him later.
1905
01:23:49,257 --> 01:23:51,760
Get him out of here.
1906
01:23:51,760 --> 01:23:53,760
What about the Russians?
1907
01:23:53,762 --> 01:23:56,212
Call Moscow.
We've got to warn them.
1908
01:23:56,264 --> 01:23:58,667
Vladimir Krushkin-- he
was in briefly over lunch,
1909
01:23:58,767 --> 01:24:00,168
Countercoup, he was out,
then reinstalled again--
1910
01:24:00,268 --> 01:24:01,198
As of supper,
1911
01:24:01,298 --> 01:24:03,298
he was still there.
1912
01:24:08,143 --> 01:24:11,146
Let me level with you, sir.
1913
01:24:11,146 --> 01:24:12,547
I would destroy any nation,
1914
01:24:12,647 --> 01:24:14,049
even my own,
1915
01:24:14,149 --> 01:24:15,019
if my president
1916
01:24:15,119 --> 01:24:16,051
gave the order.
1917
01:24:16,151 --> 01:24:18,653
So you just say the word, sir,
1918
01:24:18,653 --> 01:24:19,066
and we'll do what
1919
01:24:19,166 --> 01:24:19,554
we should have done
1920
01:24:19,654 --> 01:24:21,056
in the first place.
1921
01:24:21,156 --> 01:24:24,159
We'll nuke the slimy Canuck bastards.
1922
01:24:24,159 --> 01:24:26,161
We'll wipe their frigid,
1923
01:24:26,161 --> 01:24:28,261
Goddamned country off the map.
1924
01:24:28,663 --> 01:24:30,565
I can't kill America's neighbors.
1925
01:24:30,665 --> 01:24:31,566
I can.
1926
01:24:31,666 --> 01:24:33,668
I summer up there.
1927
01:24:33,668 --> 01:24:35,070
I understand, sir.
1928
01:24:35,170 --> 01:24:36,571
Mr. President,
1929
01:24:36,671 --> 01:24:37,572
We've lost contact with omega force.
1930
01:24:37,672 --> 01:24:39,674
Well, that's it.
1931
01:24:40,175 --> 01:24:42,177
Moscow is about to light up
1932
01:24:42,177 --> 01:24:43,078
hotter than a pig roast
1933
01:24:43,178 --> 01:24:44,079
on flag day.
1934
01:24:44,179 --> 01:24:46,181
That'll certainly guarantee
1935
01:24:46,181 --> 01:24:47,582
a retaliatory gesture against the United States.
1936
01:24:47,682 --> 01:24:51,570
No shit.
1937
01:24:55,574 --> 01:24:56,475
Get prime minister MacDonald
1938
01:24:56,575 --> 01:24:57,976
on the phone.
1939
01:24:58,076 --> 01:24:58,977
I'll give him anything he wants.
1940
01:24:59,077 --> 01:25:01,580
Got to.
1941
01:25:01,580 --> 01:25:05,584
This is the Hacker Hellstorm
Weather forecasting center.
1942
01:25:05,584 --> 01:25:09,588
1 minute, 50 seconds to total annihilation.
1943
01:25:09,588 --> 01:25:12,090
Have a nice day.
1944
01:25:12,090 --> 01:25:13,492
Mr. Prime minister,
1945
01:25:13,592 --> 01:25:17,596
I'm asking you to stop it.
1946
01:25:17,596 --> 01:25:19,848
Now pay attention to me, o.k.?
1947
01:25:19,848 --> 01:25:22,250
I'm talking about the Hacker Hellstorm.
1948
01:25:22,350 --> 01:25:25,854
You got it,
and you've got to turn it off.
1949
01:25:25,854 --> 01:25:27,255
Clark, we can't turn it off.
1950
01:25:27,355 --> 01:25:29,355
Of course we've tried!
1951
01:25:29,357 --> 01:25:31,359
We can't turn it--
1952
01:25:31,860 --> 01:25:33,261
He's putting his wife on.
1953
01:25:33,361 --> 01:25:34,262
Hi.
1954
01:25:34,362 --> 01:25:35,764
Uh...uh...
1955
01:25:35,864 --> 01:25:38,366
Ecoutez,
1956
01:25:38,366 --> 01:25:40,368
vous avez gagne.
1957
01:25:40,869 --> 01:25:43,371
Uh...
1958
01:25:43,371 --> 01:25:47,876
Fermez les 'rockettes',
o.k.?
1959
01:25:47,876 --> 01:25:49,878
About 2 years in high school
1960
01:25:49,878 --> 01:25:51,780
and about 4 years in college.
1961
01:25:51,880 --> 01:25:55,750
Well, thank you.
1962
01:25:55,750 --> 01:25:58,990
American missiles will launch
1963
01:25:59,090 --> 01:26:01,090
in 1 minute and 30 seconds.
1964
01:26:32,420 --> 01:26:34,923
Oh! Oh! When will it end?
1965
01:26:52,691 --> 01:26:55,694
Clark, are you listening to me?
1966
01:26:55,694 --> 01:26:58,697
Don't launch the rockets.
1967
01:26:58,697 --> 01:26:59,598
Our rockets!
1968
01:26:59,698 --> 01:27:01,099
Don't launch them!
1969
01:27:01,199 --> 01:27:03,229
I'm giving up,
you understand?
1970
01:27:03,702 --> 01:27:05,103
Whatever you want,
you've got it! You've won!
1971
01:27:05,203 --> 01:27:08,003
Don't play games with me,
Clark! You won!
1972
01:27:19,217 --> 01:27:21,836
Canuck central!
1973
01:27:21,836 --> 01:27:23,836
T-minus 15 seconds.
1974
01:27:25,473 --> 01:27:27,976
The Canucks and Hacker?
1975
01:27:27,976 --> 01:27:30,729
10 seconds to launch.
1976
01:27:30,729 --> 01:27:37,986
Prepare to launch.
1977
01:27:37,986 --> 01:27:40,786
Clark, please!
We're running out of time!
1978
01:27:54,502 --> 01:27:56,502
That's my Honey.
1979
01:28:32,657 --> 01:28:34,059
Boomer!
1980
01:28:34,159 --> 01:28:36,159
Don't like heights.
1981
01:28:36,161 --> 01:28:41,416
We've got to get out of here.
Come on!
1982
01:28:41,916 --> 01:28:47,422
Step on it.
1983
01:28:47,922 --> 01:28:51,702
Now, this is what I call a health care system.
1984
01:29:02,821 --> 01:29:04,222
Look, Honey.
1985
01:29:04,322 --> 01:29:05,223
Home.
1986
01:29:05,323 --> 01:29:07,325
Home.
1987
01:29:07,325 --> 01:29:09,327
The US of A.
1988
01:29:14,949 --> 01:29:16,949
Whoo! Let's go.
1989
01:30:13,558 --> 01:30:16,060
Ha ha ha!
There it is!
1990
01:30:16,177 --> 01:30:18,177
Like I care!
1991
01:30:53,214 --> 01:30:54,616
We're going to be there any minute now!
1992
01:30:54,716 --> 01:30:56,716
Oh, yeah! Trust me.
1993
01:31:03,808 --> 01:31:07,312
Only in America
1994
01:31:07,312 --> 01:31:09,814
Can a guy from anywhere
1995
01:31:10,315 --> 01:31:12,817
Go to sleep a pauper
1996
01:31:12,817 --> 01:31:16,321
And wake up a millionaire
1997
01:31:16,321 --> 01:31:18,323
Only in America
1998
01:31:18,323 --> 01:31:19,724
A-woo
1999
01:31:19,824 --> 01:31:21,226
Can a kid without a cent
2000
01:31:21,326 --> 01:31:23,326
A-woo
2001
01:31:23,328 --> 01:31:28,833
Get a break and maybe grow up to be president
2002
01:31:28,833 --> 01:31:32,337
Only in America
2003
01:31:32,337 --> 01:31:34,839
Land of opportunity, yeah
2004
01:31:34,839 --> 01:31:37,342
Could a boy who's nothing
2005
01:31:37,342 --> 01:31:43,848
Be something and be everything
2006
01:31:43,848 --> 01:31:47,352
Only in America
2007
01:31:47,352 --> 01:31:49,854
Can a kid who's washin' cars
2008
01:31:49,854 --> 01:31:52,357
Take a giant step
2009
01:31:52,357 --> 01:31:56,361
And reach right up and touch the stars
2010
01:31:56,361 --> 01:31:58,363
Only in America
2011
01:31:58,363 --> 01:31:59,764
A-woo
2012
01:31:59,864 --> 01:32:01,266
Could a dream like this come true
2013
01:32:01,366 --> 01:32:02,267
A-woo
2014
01:32:02,367 --> 01:32:04,369
Could a guy like me
2015
01:32:04,369 --> 01:32:07,372
Start with nothing and end up
2016
01:32:07,872 --> 01:32:12,877
Like you
2017
01:32:33,398 --> 01:32:36,901
Only in America
2018
01:32:36,901 --> 01:32:39,404
Land of opportunity,
Yeah
2019
01:32:39,404 --> 01:32:41,906
Could a boy who's nothing
2020
01:32:41,906 --> 01:32:46,911
Be something and be everything
2021
01:32:47,412 --> 01:32:51,916
Be everything
2022
01:32:52,417 --> 01:32:55,420
America
2023
01:32:55,420 --> 01:32:58,423
America
2024
01:32:58,423 --> 01:33:01,426
America
2025
01:33:01,426 --> 01:33:04,429
America
2026
01:33:04,429 --> 01:33:06,429
America?
2027
01:33:16,941 --> 01:33:21,446
Beneath its snowy mantle cold and clean
2028
01:33:21,446 --> 01:33:23,348
The unborn grass lies waiting
2029
01:33:23,448 --> 01:33:27,452
For its gold to turn to green
2030
01:33:27,452 --> 01:33:31,456
The snowbird sings the song he always sings
2031
01:33:31,456 --> 01:33:33,458
And speaks to me of flowers
2032
01:33:33,958 --> 01:33:37,462
That will bloom again in spring
2033
01:33:37,962 --> 01:33:41,966
When I was young my heart was young then, too
2034
01:33:41,966 --> 01:33:43,868
And anything that it would tell me
2035
01:33:43,968 --> 01:33:47,472
That's the thing that I would do
2036
01:33:47,972 --> 01:33:51,976
But now I feel such emptiness within
2037
01:33:51,976 --> 01:33:54,846
For the thing that I want most in life's?
2038
01:33:54,979 --> 01:33:58,483
The thing that I can't win
2039
01:33:58,483 --> 01:34:02,487
Spread your tiny wings and fly away
2040
01:34:02,487 --> 01:34:04,657
And take the snow back with you
2041
01:34:04,989 --> 01:34:08,493
Where it came from on that day
2042
01:34:08,493 --> 01:34:12,497
The one I loved forever is untrue
2043
01:34:12,497 --> 01:34:14,497
And if I could
2044
01:34:14,499 --> 01:34:19,003
You know that I would fly away with you
2045
01:34:19,003 --> 01:34:23,007
The breeze along the river seems to say
2046
01:34:23,007 --> 01:34:25,410
That he'll only break my heart again
2047
01:34:25,510 --> 01:34:29,013
Should I decide to stay
2048
01:34:29,013 --> 01:34:33,518
Spread your tiny wings and fly away
2049
01:34:33,518 --> 01:34:35,688
And take the snow back with you
2050
01:34:36,518 --> 01:34:50,688
marwansoft@yahoo.com
134183
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