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1
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,880
(ALL GASPING DELIGHTEDLY)
2
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,682
Kudos to you, Mike.
A special show for
3
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,351
these underprivileged kids.
What a great idea.
4
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:18,552
You know,
I don't think
I've ever seen
5
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:21,055
a female
magician before.
Really, sir?
6
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,824
Your ex-wife made
half your fortune
disappear.
7
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:29,029
Not ready to laugh
at that yet,
are we, sir?
8
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,135
Yeah.
Bravo.
9
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:37,471
This is wonderful.
Look at the glow
on these kids' faces.
10
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:38,572
It's so nice
to give them a day
11
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:39,973
that's just
about them,
you know?
12
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,809
Okay, now I need
a volunteer.
13
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:44,512
(KIDS EXCLAIM)
Ah, not so
fast, shorty.
14
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,282
And how old
are you, young man?
15
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,650
I'm 30,
I'm single,
16
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,086
and I'm the
Deputy Mayor
of New York.
17
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,222
Well, aren't
you cute.
18
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,623
Get in the box.
19
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,598
I see.
You're gonna make
those swords disappear
20
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:07,735
while I watch
from the safety
of this box.
21
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,604
Oh, God,
I can't look.
22
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,640
Oh, grow up, Paul.
It's just a trick.
23
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,143
That's not really
Mike in there.
24
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,213
What do you say
the two of us...
(GROANS)
25
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,582
Go out for
dinner sometime?
26
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,152
Hey, kids, he just
asked me to dinner.
27
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,153
Should I go?
28
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,188
KIDS:
Go, go,
go, go!
29
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:28,722
I love kids.
30
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,825
Pick me up
at 7:00.
31
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,228
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Okay, I'll see you
tonight, then.
32
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,530
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
33
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,187
Okay, regarding
Saturday's softball game
34
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:00,488
and the
15 to nothing
35
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:03,991
shellacking we took
from the cast of Cabaret...
36
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,762
It's time to shake up
the batting order.
37
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,865
Paul, you're no longer
batting clean-up.
Where will I be?
38
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,668
You'll be on the bench,
cutting orange slices.
39
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:16,870
Does that mean
I get to play?
40
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:18,672
Yeah.
41
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,508
Yes.
42
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,009
But since you will be
representing us on
43
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:25,045
the playing field,
one bit of advice...
44
00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,114
Cup goes on
the inside.
45
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,685
And just between
you and me,
46
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:36,390
you might want to peel
the "Boys, Ages eight to 11"
sticker off that baby.
47
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,962
Gotcha, Coach.
48
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,130
Stuart,
the league
asked me
49
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:44,698
to replace you
as first base coach.
50
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:45,766
Generally, you're
only permitted
51
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,969
to pat your
own teammates
on the ass.
52
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:52,640
But, Mike, when am I
gonna get another chance
to touch an actress?
53
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,808
I mean,
meet an actress?
54
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:58,279
Stuart, you need
a woman who's
more grounded.
55
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,881
Someone with a nice,
stable career.
56
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,550
Like a magician.
57
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,118
Kaari is
a wonderful woman,
58
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,420
and we are
very close.
59
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,990
Mike, I got
that magic chick's
last name for you.
60
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,826
Thank you.
And Stuart, this
just came for you.
61
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,027
Huh.
62
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:15,363
Hey, Mike,
it's official.
63
00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:17,931
We are incorporated
and licensed to sell booze.
64
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:18,999
Yes.
(CHUCKLES)
65
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,568
How cool is this?
66
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,370
I'm friends
with someone
who owns a bar.
67
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:25,138
Finally I can get
into a V.I.P. room.
68
00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,841
Why, who do
you know?
69
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,778
I can't believe
you're opening
a bar with Stuart.
70
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:34,282
Just him being there
has to be some kind of
health code violation.
71
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:37,285
What better way
to go into business
than with a friend.
72
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,652
Fifty-fifty,
even Stephen,
73
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,288
as much yours
as it is mine.
74
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,789
So, what's
the place called?
75
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,557
Flaherty's.
76
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,996
Nikki, I'm collecting
for the dance-a-thon.
77
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,063
Um, I danced
ten hours
78
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,299
so you owe me $40.
79
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,401
(OPENS DRAWER)
What was
the cause?
80
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,568
(CLOSES DRAWER)
It's a disease,
81
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,804
but with your help
we'll find a cure.
82
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,307
You have
no idea,
do you?
83
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,309
I heard
"Dance."
Mmm.
84
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,312
I can't believe
you're getting paid
to dance.
85
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,880
That would be like
James getting paid
to be confused.
86
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,316
What?
87
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,983
I'm not
getting paid?
88
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,886
Mr. Mayor, I'm glad
I caught you.
Mmm-hmm.
89
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,555
Um, you pledged
$10 an hour
90
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,324
for my dance-a-thon,
and I was collecting...
91
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:18,058
Oh, absolutely.
92
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:19,627
Oops, no wallet.
93
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,562
Who wants
to spot me $100?
94
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:22,730
I'll pay
for you, sir.
95
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,032
Well, thank you, James.
Dance-a-thon, huh?
96
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:26,099
Yes, sir.
97
00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,336
Damn. I thought
I was getting cookies.
98
00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:31,339
Love those
Thin Mints.
(LAUGHS)
99
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:35,943
You know, I know
a little magic.
100
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,978
It's all
about misdirection.
101
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,246
Ready?
Mmm-hmm.
102
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,348
Look in
my kitchen.
103
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,418
(ROMANTIC JAZZ PLAYING)
104
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,886
(LAUGHS)
105
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,922
Thank you.
Thank you
very much.
106
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,360
(KISSING)
107
00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,562
Uh, listen.
You don't know how
108
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,431
to read minds
or anything, do you?
109
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,367
You know, I am
picking something up.
110
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,604
You're hoping we
have socks tonight?
111
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,373
Ah, it's gone.
No, no, no,
no, no.
112
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:06,974
It's good.
Keep going.
113
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,276
Was it
something
like this?
114
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,582
Listen, Kaari, I gotta
be honest with you.
115
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:15,983
I just came off
a relationship,
116
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:19,086
and I'm not looking
for anything serious,
you know?
117
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,388
Neither am I.
118
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,455
I just like you
and thought
119
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,023
we could have
a little fun.
120
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,958
Besides. Who would
want a boyfriend
121
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:27,961
who forgets
to clean behind
his ears?
122
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,830
What are you
talking about?
123
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,403
You're
a very good
magician.
124
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:40,307
I love you.
125
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,481
That's super.
126
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,084
(SIGHS)
127
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:55,789
I don't know how
she smuggled that
128
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,925
"I love you"
into the bedroom.
129
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,461
Must have been wearing
an ankle holster
or something.
130
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,897
I strip-searched her
pretty thoroughly.
131
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:07,935
No self-respecting girl
would say those words
so quickly.
132
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,303
I don't know
about that.
133
00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:11,839
What's the quickest
you ever said it, Nikki?
134
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,007
Said it to a guy
on a first date...
135
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:16,444
When he buzzed up
on the intercom.
136
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:20,681
Mike, I have
to congratulate you
137
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:21,815
on your
marketing savvy.
138
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,017
These free
drink coupons?
Great idea.
139
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,486
One per customer, Paul.
140
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,920
Come on,
I mean,
of course.
141
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,255
Paul, I have
those copies
you wanted.
142
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,123
Not now,
not now.
143
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,126
West 19th Street?
144
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,262
That's a pretty
gay neighborhood.
145
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,598
Hey, Stuart and I
got a great deal
on a great space.
146
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,600
It happens to be
in a predominantly
gay neighborhood,
147
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,834
but, you know,
we're not gonna pander
148
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,202
to any one group.
149
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:44,337
Hey, Mike, you're, like,
30 waist, right?
Yeah, why?
150
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:45,939
'Cause I got you
cut-off shorts
and a tank top
151
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:48,308
so you can gay up
for tonight's opening.
152
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,046
Now, we just need
to change the name
of the place.
153
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,515
What's a good name
for a gay bar?
154
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,016
Bite me.
155
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,488
That'll work.
I can't believe it.
156
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:01,489
Hey, I did
some research.
157
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:02,690
If we opened up
a straight bar,
158
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,324
we'd be bankrupt
in a week.
159
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:07,728
We open up a fruit stand,
we'll be rolling in dough.
160
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,262
Mike, please tell me
you're not going to
161
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,499
participate in
this charade.
It's offensive.
162
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,501
How high up
will these babies
be riding?
163
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,035
You'll be
showing no more
than a quarter cheek
164
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,403
on either side.
165
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:18,606
Mike...
166
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:19,707
All right,
you're right.
Stuart, if this
167
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:20,841
is the way
you want to go,
168
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,510
just find
another investor.
169
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,712
I'll buy
his share.
170
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,047
Wait a minute.
What happened to
"It'd be offensive"?
171
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,215
Well, it would
be for you,
not for me.
172
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,518
I'm here, I'm queer,
let's sell some beer.
173
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,223
S... Stacey.
174
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:39,527
Stacey, could you pull
the lever, please?
I'm stuck.
175
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:42,429
You still haven't gotten
your money back from
the Mayor, have you?
176
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,197
I can't feel
my fingers.
177
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,600
I lend money
to someone,
I get it back.
178
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,401
I don't care
who it is.
179
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,904
That money I'm dropping
in the collection plate?
180
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,640
I'm keeping track.
181
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,443
James, you
all right?
182
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,011
I'm hungry, sir.
183
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,314
I didn't have
enough cash
for lunch today.
184
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,383
Uh, well, hunger is
a funny thing,
you know?
185
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,185
For instance,
I just had
a huge steak
186
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,453
at a four-star restaurant,
187
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:10,290
yet I still have
this craving
for a candy bar.
188
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:11,759
Stole a mint
from the bowl
in the lobby,
189
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,562
and drank six
non-dairy creamers.
190
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:19,600
Hmm. You know,
this thing doesn't
take 20s.
191
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,637
You wouldn't have
a dollar, would you?
192
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:27,440
I just have one, sir,
but I'm saving it for
a subway token home.
193
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:30,377
Well, spoil
yourself.
Take a cab.
194
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,383
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
195
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,989
Boy, look at
the crowd in here.
196
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,257
I can't believe
I pulled out
of this place.
197
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,493
Uh, come on, Mike.
Looks can be deceiving.
198
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,228
I mean, I know there are
a lot of people in here,
199
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,330
but that doesn't
necessarily translate
into cash.
200
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,632
Carter, quick,
you gotta help me.
201
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,134
We've run out
of places
to put money.
202
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,737
Put it in
the ladies' room.
203
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,271
Good thinking.
204
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,746
All right,
here's your beer.
205
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,615
I love you.
206
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,251
Here's yours.
207
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,621
I love you,
too, Mike.
208
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:17,224
Silly. That only
works for me.
209
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,195
So, did your
new girlfriend have
210
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,864
a good time
last night?
211
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,198
Actually, sir, she...
212
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,467
She got
a little clingy.
Had to break it off.
213
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,637
Oh, well, I hope you
let her down easy.
214
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,972
Hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned.
215
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,273
Sir, it was
one date.
216
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,275
I'm sure she's
already moved on.
217
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:40,513
(GROWLING)
218
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,416
Then again,
maybe not.
219
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,891
Now, Mike.
Promise me
you're not angry.
220
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,932
Angry about a tiger
in my office?
221
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,235
What a delightful prank.
222
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:05,138
(BABY-TALKING)
Tony's a sweetie,
223
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,406
but he got
very angry
224
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,575
when I told him
you dumped me.
225
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,778
Aw, Tony...
226
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,915
Pal, there was
a miscommunication.
227
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,051
When I said
I didn't want
to see Kaari,
228
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,120
I meant last night.
229
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:23,256
Today... Today's
a whole new day.
230
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,925
Tony knows
you'd never
231
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,626
break up
with me.
232
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:29,229
Does Tony know
I'm mostly gristle?
233
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,067
You can
make it up
to me tonight.
234
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,568
Dinner at
your place
with my parents
235
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:38,205
so they can see
how serious we are.
236
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:41,341
Oh, yeah,
I was just going
to suggest that.
237
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,443
You might want
to leave the tiger
at home, though,
238
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:47,447
because I just finished
my last gazelle carcass.
239
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,384
(WATCH ALARM BEEPS)
240
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,387
Don't tell me
that's Tony's
feeding time.
241
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,824
Just time
to take my medication,
242
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:59,059
but I don't
need it anymore,
243
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,928
because I'm
in love.
244
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,798
Oh, why don't you
throw down a couple.
245
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,001
Just for
old times' sake.
246
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:13,040
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
247
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,111
You guys
are late.
248
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,312
What can
I say?
249
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,749
We got caught up
at the bank.
250
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:22,983
There's a lot of
paperwork involved
when you make
251
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,385
an unusually
large deposit.
252
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:28,055
(BOTH GRUNTING)
253
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,490
What, I'm supposed
to be jealous
254
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,359
just because
you're making
a lot of money, huh?
255
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:35,062
No, even though
the check had
256
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,664
so many
zeros in it,
it went...
257
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:39,299
ooh!
258
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,600
(BOTH GRUNT)
All right,
all right,
259
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,235
all right,
cut it out.
260
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,072
I'm sorry, Paul.
You're right. Hey...
261
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,042
Here's five bucks.
That make everything
all right?
262
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,812
Well, looks like
Claudia's getting
263
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:54,014
a bottle of wine
with dinner tonight.
264
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,884
Oh, I forgot.
265
00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,385
This came
for you.
266
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:01,855
"Citation...
267
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,659
"Citation for
allowing dancing
268
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,461
"without the
proper licenses."
269
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,331
Stuart, I thought
you said you've got
all the licenses.
270
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,100
Apparently I lied.
271
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,435
Look, what is
the big deal?
272
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:16,703
We'll just have
dancing anyway.
273
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,271
No, we'll get
shut down.
274
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,808
Carter, we own
a dance bar.
275
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,542
We can't stay open
without dancing.
276
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:23,676
Let me tell
you something
277
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,813
about the
gay people...
278
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,282
They need to dance.
They hear music,
279
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:30,683
they can't
help themselves.
280
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,986
Let me tell you
something about
the straight people.
281
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,621
You're a fool.
282
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,993
As you know,
I believe in clinging
to relationships
283
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,728
long after
they're over,
284
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:43,931
but I think
you should let
this one go.
285
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,398
First time
I dumped her,
I got a tiger
286
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,666
in my office.
287
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,301
Next time it's gonna be,
"Oh, we think it's Mike,
288
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:49,903
"but we have to check
the dental records."
289
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,841
So, what are you
gonna do, stay with
this girl forever?
290
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,242
I figure
we'll be married
291
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,244
two, three years tops,
292
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,479
I'll have
her committed
293
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,681
and I'm out
of there.
294
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:03,716
So, you're meeting
her parents tonight.
295
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:06,319
Just offend them.
She'll dump you for sure.
296
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:07,320
You ever
done that?
297
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,856
Yeah.
298
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,958
Not on purpose.
299
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,861
Maybe
you're right,
you know?
300
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:14,928
She won't be able
to do anything,
301
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,663
'cause there will
be witnesses there.
302
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,365
I'm not afraid
to take her on.
303
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,867
(TIGER ROARS)
(SCREAMS)
304
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:20,968
(EXCLAIMS)
305
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:24,872
Gotcha, Flaherty.
306
00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:29,910
Teach me how to be
the kind of person
who gets his money back.
307
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:31,945
Hey,
that's my
lucky pen.
308
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,046
I know,
I just borrowed it.
309
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,747
Now, how
are you gonna
get it back?
310
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:36,683
Well, in Wisconsin,
people return things
when they're done.
311
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,553
Could you not
bite the pen?
312
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,023
James, forget
the stupid pen.
313
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,358
You wanna know how
things work in Brooklyn?
314
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:47,594
When you
borrow something,
315
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,362
you pay it
back quickly.
316
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:50,430
And if you don't?
317
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:53,233
You move
to Wisconsin.
318
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,303
Now listen,
just ask the Mayor
for your money back.
319
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:57,470
I don't want
to embarrass him.
320
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,106
Then just
take it.
321
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,908
Excuse me?
322
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:03,410
Well, the man never seems
to be carrying his wallet.
It must be somewhere.
323
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,445
(FAKE COUGHS)
Top-left drawer.
324
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:07,680
Cough drop?
325
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:10,783
Top-left drawer.
326
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,285
No, I've
got some
right here.
327
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:16,356
James, the Mayor's wallet
is in his top-left drawer
of his desk.
328
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,557
Wait a second.
329
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,026
How did you
know that?
330
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:20,160
Won't I get
in trouble
for that?
331
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,794
I'm not
gonna steal
from the Mayor.
332
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,763
James, you're
not stealing.
The money is yours.
333
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:24,932
Just take it,
and when you
334
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,033
see the Mayor,
explain to him
335
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,001
that you
didn't want
to disturb him.
336
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,037
Okay, all right,
I'll do it.
337
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:34,341
Where's he keep
his wallet?
338
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,376
I'm kidding,
I'm not an idiot.
339
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,383
How did you
and Kaari meet?
340
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,152
It was 2:00 a.m.,
341
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,520
I was on
the floor
of the bar...
342
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:52,225
I looked up,
and there she was.
343
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,795
Actually, it was
a charity event.
344
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,131
I'll say it was.
(LAUGHS)
345
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,534
See, I told you
he was funny.
346
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,802
MIKE: Oh,
you know what,
I want
347
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,204
to applaud
you for
348
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,974
the loose moral code
you've instilled
in your daughter.
349
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:10,343
I don't want
to get too graphic,
350
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,845
but let's just
say caviar
351
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,814
really gets
her going.
352
00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:16,649
Okay,
that's just
about enough.
353
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,086
Linda,
we're leaving.
354
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:22,189
Kaari, we'll wait
for you downstairs.
355
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,164
Wow.
356
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:34,534
Really messed that up.
357
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,504
No one has
ever talked
358
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,472
to my parents
like that.
359
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,375
Sorry.
360
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,378
I just
really didn't
like them.
361
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,116
Neither do I!
362
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,351
I love you, Mike.
363
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,153
Still, huh?
364
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,022
Even more now.
365
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,156
I gotta go do
a gig tonight,
366
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,491
but when
I get back,
my next trick
367
00:15:58,591 --> 00:15:59,826
will be
making my name
368
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:02,029
appear on
your mailbox.
369
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,497
Honey, you know,
tonight's not really
370
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,666
a good night
for taking over
my life, 'cause I...
371
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,568
I gotta go...
I gotta go away,
372
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:11,571
on this
business trip,
upstate,
373
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,740
at the Upstate Inn.
374
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:18,045
Anyway, I'm gonna be
away for a few days,
so I gotta pack.
375
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,846
So, have
a nice weekend.
376
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,348
All right. Okay.
377
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,053
Leg's asleep.
378
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,587
Stop it,
what are
you doing?
379
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,322
I'm shaking
my leg.
380
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:30,723
There's
no shaking
your leg,
381
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,791
no shaking
your bootie,
382
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:34,061
no shaking
your groove thing.
383
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,162
Stuart didn't get
the cabaret license,
384
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,763
so, this is
a dance-free zone.
385
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:40,300
(MOCKINGLY)
"Stuart didn't get
the cabaret license."
386
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,934
Well, you
didn't get...
Uh-huh.
387
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,170
You didn't
get...
Uh-huh.
388
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:45,305
Oh, hell,
you're perfect.
389
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:47,940
We pulled the plug
on the jukebox,
390
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,709
no music,
no dancing.
391
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,744
Stuart and
Carter's bar.
392
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,114
The quiet
alternative
to fun.
393
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,950
Didn't Kaari tell you
that we hired her for
394
00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,452
this evening's
entertainment?
395
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,687
Carter, no.
396
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,090
Kaari is
a psycho, okay?
397
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,592
After she pulls
the rabbit out
of the hat,
398
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,094
she boils it.
399
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,664
Hey, bunny.
Ah.
400
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:12,799
Hi, Kaari.
401
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,101
Listen.
402
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,768
We need to talk.
403
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,404
I thought
you were
out of town.
404
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:18,605
He flew
all the way back
to see you
405
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:19,939
because he knew
how important
your act was
406
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:21,408
to our bar tonight.
407
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:24,411
But why did you fly
when you didn't even
leave the state?
408
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,779
I'm trying
to build up
the miles.
409
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:31,984
All right, James.
Here comes the Mayor.
410
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,420
Now just tell him
what you did right away
411
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,987
and everything
will be fine.
412
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,789
James, someone
stole $100
413
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:37,890
out of
my wallet.
414
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,892
Too late.
415
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,261
I don't even
want to know
who did it,
416
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,729
because I don't want
to attach a face
417
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:43,996
to the
disappointment
418
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:46,733
and the hurt
that I feel.
419
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:49,602
I'm gonna
call up security,
420
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,371
have them review
the surveillance tapes,
421
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:54,474
arrest the culprit,
and I'll never have
to look at him.
422
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:57,744
Oh, one more
thing, James.
423
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,146
This is...
This is for you.
424
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,848
It's for the money
that you lent me
a couple days ago.
425
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,951
Oh, God.
426
00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:07,320
Give me the money.
Give me the money.
427
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,988
Uh, Mr. Mayor?
Yeah?
428
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,290
Before you go...
429
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,493
Can I hug you?
430
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,629
I mean,
I just feel so sorry
about your loss.
431
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,399
It was
only $100.
432
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:25,638
Thank you, Stacey.
433
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,207
Next time
I lose something,
I'll make sure
434
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,976
that you're
the first to know.
435
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,313
Sir, one more thing.
436
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:35,182
Whenever I lose $100,
437
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:37,617
I seem to find it
in my jacket pocket.
438
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,287
Huh. No.
439
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:42,755
In my left
jacket pocket.
440
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,859
Well, I'll be.
441
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,496
Here, the whole time.
442
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:51,531
Well, I'm just
gonna go home
443
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,533
and check
all my suits.
444
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,707
Okay, I'm
gonna need
a volunteer.
445
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,675
Me, me. Me, me.
Pick me. Pick me.
446
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,211
How about
a big hand
for Paul?
447
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,712
(ALL APPLAUDING)
448
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,050
How do I get rid
of this woman?
I will try anything.
449
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,753
Be a man.
Tell her how
you feel.
450
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,722
Something else.
451
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:18,858
All locked in, Paul?
452
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:22,295
Yes, stranger,
I am locked in this box
453
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:25,232
and I cannot
free myself!
454
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:28,668
How will I escape
this terrible fate?
455
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,772
Would you
come up and be
my beautiful assistant?
456
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,307
Actually...
Now.
457
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,675
Coming.
458
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,149
You know,
when we
get married,
459
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,017
I'll make you
your own costume.
460
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,153
Kaari, you and I
461
00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:48,755
are never
getting married.
462
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:49,789
Mike, are you sure
463
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:52,625
this is
the best time
for this?
464
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,661
Ow!
465
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:55,795
This thing
is just over.
466
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,997
Nothing is over
till I say it is.
467
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,967
(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
468
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,204
Oh, my God.
469
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,607
Oh, my legs.
My legs.
470
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,777
I can't see you
anymore.
471
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,745
He... He doesn't know
what he's saying.
472
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:13,713
Why?
473
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,349
Because we're not
a good match.
474
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,017
I'm sane,
you're nuts.
475
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:23,990
I did it.
476
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,191
I did it, Paulie.
477
00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:26,993
I'm free.
478
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,661
Hey, everyone's
leaving.
479
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:31,163
Oh, I'll
just turn on
the jukebox.
480
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,567
(IN SLOW MOTION)
No!
481
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,804
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
482
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:41,007
You two own
this bar?
483
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:42,809
Not anymore.
484
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,545
You're not licensed
for dancing.
485
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,747
I'm shutting
you down.
486
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,184
STUART:
We had a dream
487
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,954
and we followed it
as far as we could.
488
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:57,156
Hell of a ride,
wasn't it?
489
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,627
Stuart,
we were open
for two days.
490
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:03,330
Give me a break,
all right?
491
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,797
I lost
all my money.
492
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,334
(SIGHS)
493
00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:09,836
Yeah.
494
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,904
Hell of a ride.
Don't touch me.
495
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,243
PAUL: Hello?
496
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:21,948
Hello?
497
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:25,352
Oh, my.
I must have
panic slept.
498
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:28,020
Anybody. Marco.
Anybody, please.
499
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,256
Oh, my God.
My leg.
500
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,360
Those aren't
my shoes.
501
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:36,095
Those are
beautiful shoes.
502
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,101
I hope you
learned something
from this, Stacey.
503
00:21:42,935 --> 00:21:44,837
Huh? You don't have
to bully people
504
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:47,206
or steal from them
to get what's owed you.
505
00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:48,274
Where I
come from,
we can rely on
506
00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:50,176
a little thing
we call fairness.
507
00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:53,079
Check
the envelope,
skippy.
508
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:56,015
I don't have to
because it is
509
00:21:56,115 --> 00:21:58,385
a card
that says...
510
00:21:58,451 --> 00:22:00,052
"Thank you
for the loan.
511
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,021
"I will pay you
back soon."
35962
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