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1
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:10,706
Hey, Mike, regarding
my bachelor party tonight,
2
00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:12,621
will there be any kind
of a dress code?
3
00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:15,145
Well, it doesn't really
matter what you're wearing
when you get there.
4
00:00:15,276 --> 00:00:16,407
Because by midnight
you're gonna be wearing
5
00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:19,497
a G-string
and a big sombrero.
6
00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:23,893
At 11:59, someone remind me
to claw my own eyes out.
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:27,592
The bachelorette party
we're throwing for Claudia
is gonna be pretty crazy, too.
8
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:30,334
[ALL MOCKING]Oh, I wish I could be there.
9
00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:32,989
Hey. How do you guys
know you're gonna have
more fun than us?
10
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,556
We always do.
11
00:00:34,686 --> 00:00:35,818
Remember Stuart's
super bowl party?
12
00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:37,689
The, uh,
beers were in the tub,
13
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:40,518
and Paul helped himself
to a nice cold bottle
of conditioning rinse.
14
00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:46,785
That wasn't fun.
15
00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,570
So where are you guys going?
16
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,224
It doesn't really matter,
17
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:51,616
as long as the club's name
is some combination
of the words
18
00:00:51,747 --> 00:00:55,185
naked, live, ladies,
and o-rama.
19
00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:58,536
Typical male bachelor party.
20
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,670
Yeah, if that's
what we were doing,
but we're not.
21
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,150
Paul's too much
of a gentleman.
22
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,412
He doesn't want that.
23
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:05,239
He doesn't?
24
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,111
In fact, we're all
a little insulted
25
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,895
that you think our idea
of a good time
26
00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:13,073
is, you know, a bunch
of booze and strippers.
27
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:17,381
Mike, there's a Jugs Galore
returning your phone call.
28
00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:20,341
Well, you tell Miss Galore
she's got the wrong number.
29
00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:23,909
[STUTTERING]
On second thought, patch
her through to my office.
30
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,085
I'll tell her myself.
31
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,045
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
32
00:01:49,892 --> 00:01:51,589
Oh, Stuart,
you know what?
33
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,766
Your college alumni magazine
was accidentally
sent to my office.
34
00:01:54,897 --> 00:01:56,290
Well, that's odd.MIKE: Not really,
35
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:57,856
especially since
it was addressed
36
00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,771
to deputy mayor Stuart Bondek.
37
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:03,819
Ah, you know how
alumni magazines
38
00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:05,951
always mess that stuff up.Yeah.
39
00:02:06,082 --> 00:02:08,258
Yeah. "How I became
deputy mayor."
40
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:13,394
Hey, I made the cover.
41
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:16,440
Bondek plans to be in
Washington by 2000.
42
00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:20,052
Hey, if you start walking now,
you'll probably make it.
43
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:22,925
As for the rest of you,
tomorrow we're unveiling
that statue we commissioned.
44
00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:24,274
Now, there's gonna be
a lot of press,
45
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,189
considering the last
arts Grant we gave out
46
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:27,103
was to that modern
dance troupe
47
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,323
that performed
at public schools.
48
00:02:29,453 --> 00:02:30,759
Mike, I think it was great
the way we exposed
49
00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:32,239
all those kids to dance.
50
00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:33,936
Exposed is the key word.
51
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:36,634
That troupe took
dancing cheek to cheek
52
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:37,853
to a whole new level.
53
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:40,160
Anyway, it's gonna
be a big day.
54
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,857
I need you all
to come in an hour early.
55
00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:44,381
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Oh, Mike, I don't think
I can make it on time.
56
00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:45,774
Why?
57
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,645
My alarm didn't go off.
58
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,736
That'll sound a lot better
when I say it tomorrow.
59
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:55,087
Stacey, it's more than
just a statue,
60
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:56,785
it's our legacy.
61
00:02:56,915 --> 00:03:00,223
It's a monument to how we feel
about this great city,
62
00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:03,574
and if I didn't have
a dentist's appointment
tomorrow morning...
63
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:05,446
Nice try.
We'll see you at 7:00.
64
00:03:10,364 --> 00:03:12,279
Field hockey practice
let out early?
65
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,418
My apartment was robbed.
66
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,249
These are the only things
left in my closet.
67
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:30,340
[CRYING]
What kind of person
would do this?
68
00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,305
Well, it definitely wasn't
a Scottish homosexual.
69
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:45,616
Sorry, I'm late.
Sorry, I'm late.
70
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,139
Had to stop
and pick up a gift.
71
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,793
Oh, great.
72
00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:51,056
The other girls
got me lingerie.
73
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:53,755
Oh, well,
that's lingerie.
74
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,714
So, what are we doing?
75
00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:57,802
Oh, we're playing
a drinking game
76
00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:59,543
called "I never."
77
00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:02,633
My turn. I never told
a guy I loved him first.
78
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,766
I forgot the rules.
Do I or don't I drink?
79
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,376
If you did it,
you drink.
80
00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:10,859
You don't have
to drink that much.
81
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:12,426
I've done it
a bunch of times.
82
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:17,387
Okay. I never... Ooh!
83
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:20,390
I never went all the way
with a guy on the first date.
84
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:31,401
You might wanna
pace yourself there.
85
00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:33,882
I don't see why my bachelor
party has to be in the office.
86
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,231
You wanted
to invite the mayor.
87
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,972
You know we can't take
him to a strip club.
88
00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:38,930
Why can't we disguise him?
89
00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:41,063
Well, we could
dress him up like
a clueless press secretary,
90
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,239
but then
what would you wear?
91
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:44,806
Hey, it's the guest of honor.
92
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:45,894
Fellas, please.
93
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,287
Tonight, I'm just
one of the boys.
94
00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:51,378
Great. Randy,
grab me a drink.
95
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:54,511
[STAMMERS]
I mean, can I get you
a drink, sir?
96
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,165
I'll have the usual.
97
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,950
What, you want me
to pour your scotch
and then leave your office?
98
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,737
Paul, it's your big night.
You can stay a while.
99
00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:05,305
Get me a vodka tonic,
will you?Make it 2.
100
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:06,610
Ooh, I'd love
a strawberry daiquiri.
101
00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:11,441
Okay, give me a light beer.
102
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:13,574
Okay, give me a regular beer.
103
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,185
But admit it. If there
had been daiquiris,
104
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,578
you'd all have wanted one!
105
00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:20,581
Okay, my turn.
106
00:05:20,711 --> 00:05:24,149
I never...lied
to a guy about my age.
107
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,021
We're gonna need
a pitcher over here!
108
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,199
Claudia?
109
00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:33,115
Do tell.
110
00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:37,554
[CLEARING THROAT]
Okay, but it can't
get back to Paul.
111
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:40,035
He thinks that he is one year
older than me,
112
00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,080
and actually...
113
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:44,822
...I'm one year older
than him.
114
00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:47,347
If that's your biggest lie,
you're never getting drunk.
115
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,132
Paul mentioned to me once
116
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:53,135
that he really likes
being the senior person
in a relationship,
117
00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:55,311
some sort of macho thing.
118
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,357
I really feel
horrible about it.
119
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,534
I kind of like being spanked.
120
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:05,190
I mean, I never cut...
121
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:06,757
Oh, forget it.
122
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,675
Bartender at my own
bachelor party.
123
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:16,898
[CHUCKLES] This...
This is like
a dream come true.
124
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:20,292
Paul, a bachelor party
isn't about making
dreams come true.
125
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:21,816
That's what marriage is for.
126
00:06:21,946 --> 00:06:23,295
Ha!
127
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:25,907
Paulie, this is
gonna be great.
128
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,430
All your friends are here.
129
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,867
We're celebrating
one of your last nights
of freedom.
130
00:06:29,998 --> 00:06:32,217
I propose
a toast...to a guy
131
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,394
who made the best
of bachelorhood,
132
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:36,178
played the field
like an all-star,
133
00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:37,875
broke a few hearts
along the way.
134
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:41,096
Mike, I didn't really do
any of those things.
135
00:06:41,226 --> 00:06:42,140
I know. I didn't
know what to say.
136
00:06:42,271 --> 00:06:43,490
I was talking about me.
137
00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:51,498
I think you guys
should come
see something.
138
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:03,553
Oh...my...God!
139
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:08,297
Well, they did say it was
called The Bird.
140
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,518
Believe me, sir,
this was not the sketch
that I approved.
141
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:12,997
Ah.
142
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,695
I thought that this
was supposed to reflect
143
00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:17,872
the way that New Yorkers
feel about the city.
144
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,572
It does, Paul.
145
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:25,619
It says we're number one.
146
00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:30,319
Well, I don't know
a lot about art,
147
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,190
but I know what I like.
148
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:33,757
That speaks to me.
149
00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:37,587
Okay, guys, listen.
150
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:40,982
Tomorrow morning at 8:00
this room is gonna be filled
with photographers and press,
151
00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:42,505
and... Oh, my God!
152
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:46,422
200 schoolchildren
from P.S. 106.
153
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:47,641
Aren't they the kids
who saw...
154
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,425
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
the dancing butt troupe.
155
00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:52,472
This was supposed
to make it up to them.
156
00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:53,995
We gotta get this thing
outta here.
157
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,431
Mike, this is huge!
158
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:56,780
Where would we put this?
159
00:07:58,216 --> 00:07:59,740
How about my
ex-wife's lawn?
160
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:06,355
I feel guilty about keeping
a secret from Paulie.
161
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,661
Claudia, it's no big deal.
162
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:10,054
A lot of people lie
about their age.
163
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:11,534
Right, Nikki?
164
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:13,797
Hey, I'm only 27.
165
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:16,104
Yeah. When were
you born?
166
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:19,890
July 20, 1968.
167
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:20,978
Try 70.
168
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:22,110
'78?
169
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:25,505
Okay, so now you're 19?
170
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:27,158
Cool. I'm a virgin again.
171
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:34,426
Excuse me, ladies.
Is there a Claudia here?
172
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:35,906
That's me.
173
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,561
I was asked to stop by and
talk to you about fidelity.
174
00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:41,085
It's the stripper!
Turn on the music!
175
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,610
Hey, you guys,
what's going on?
176
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:44,872
Get ready for something else
177
00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,483
you're not gonna
tell Paulie about.
178
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:53,315
Ow!
179
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,447
These bolts just
will not come loose.
180
00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:58,842
James, you know what we need?
We need some more tools here.
181
00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:00,975
You wanna run down
to the hardware store?
182
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:03,412
Mike, I have to be
honest with you.
183
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,805
It's been a traumatic day,
184
00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,024
and I really don't wanna go
outside after dark alone.
185
00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:09,940
James, we understand
that you went through
something traumatic.
186
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:11,507
We're all very sensitive
to that,
187
00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:15,119
but ultimately
you have to ask yourself
one question...
188
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:18,079
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
Is him scared
of the big bad boogeyman?
189
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:19,689
[VOCALIZING]
190
00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:23,432
All right, Stuart,
knock it off.
191
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,868
Leave him alone.
192
00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:27,088
After all, you're the one
who's afraid of mimes.
193
00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:28,393
No, I'm not.
194
00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:29,786
Man in the box.
195
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:32,789
All right, quit it.
196
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:35,226
I'll go with you, James.
197
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,185
It'll be fun to check
out a hardware store.
198
00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:38,795
I can see what all
the fuss is about.
199
00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:42,843
Mike, what kind of stuff
should we get?
200
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,932
Just something to pry
this thing off the ground.
201
00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:47,717
You know, crowbar,
bolt cutters, hacksaw.
202
00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:49,893
BOTH:
And more ice.
203
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,549
Hey, Stuart?
204
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,638
Man leaning on something.
205
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,814
I'm serious.
That's not funny!
206
00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,729
This is the worst
bachelor party ever.
207
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:02,689
Paul,
208
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,299
would it make you feel better
if the girls were
having less fun than us?
209
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,127
Yeah.Good.
210
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:08,390
'Cause I took the liberty
of canceling their stripper
211
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:09,739
and sending over a priest.
212
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:12,002
[ALL SHOUTING]
213
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:16,920
Come on, padre.
214
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,966
Drop your linen
and start sinnin'.
215
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:25,059
How'd you like
to earn some money
for that collection plate?
216
00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,103
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
217
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:28,236
Father, I have
a confession to make.
218
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:30,238
I wanna see some skin.
219
00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:32,196
[ALL SHOUTING]
220
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:34,721
Father, forgive me for
what I'm about to do.
221
00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:41,292
You see, James,
222
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:45,557
New York is a tapestry
of experiences.
223
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:47,864
If you live in fear,
you miss out
224
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:49,997
on the essence
of this great city.
225
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:51,738
James...
226
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,437
I've seen enough
both good and bad
227
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,874
to know that whatever happens,
228
00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:00,921
I just embrace it as part
of living in New York.
229
00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:03,314
All right,
both of you face
down on the floor,
230
00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:04,881
and shut up.
231
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:10,321
I hate this city!
232
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:18,155
You know,
chimps invented tools
233
00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:20,462
in less time than it's taken
these guys to buy them.
234
00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:24,945
Relax, Mike,
it's only 1:00.
They'll be back.
235
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:26,424
MIKE:
You know what, Paulie?
236
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,383
What you're doing,
you know,
getting married,
237
00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:31,038
I'll tell you,
I am in awe
238
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:33,431
of the commitment
you're making.
239
00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:36,391
I just wish I could say I was
at the same point in my life.
240
00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:38,959
But, unfortunately for me,
241
00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:40,656
dating one beautiful
woman after another
242
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:41,875
is just too addictive.
243
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,879
Well, you know,
pretty soon I'll be married.
244
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,358
I won't even have to look
at another woman.
245
00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:48,882
Just 'cause you're
chained to the porch
246
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,971
doesn't mean you can't
bark at the cars.
247
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,150
Just be careful.
248
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,979
You'd be surprised
how many cars will
throw a drink on you.
249
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,286
Yeah, but once I'm married,
you know, I...
250
00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:05,507
I won't even be
noticing other cars.
251
00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:07,988
Hardly. After a few years,
252
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:11,992
you'll even be looking
at beat-up Hyundais.
253
00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:16,910
And you'll be thinking,
I wonder how much
I can get on a trade-in?
254
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:20,261
We're just kidding
around, Paul.
255
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,305
I'm not.
256
00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:25,527
Finally! I got a full house.
I'm gonna win a hand.
257
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:28,008
You know what?
I'm gonna
go check on those guys.
258
00:12:29,531 --> 00:12:30,619
All right! Re-deal.
259
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:34,362
I feel so stupid. I...
260
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,800
I didn't know
you were a real priest.
261
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:44,981
You know, if you ever
manage to fish
that 20 bucks outta there,
262
00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:46,809
just consider it a donation.
263
00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,292
It's just that
we didn't expect it,
264
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:52,772
you know,
because you're so cute.
265
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,036
Not that priests
can't be cute.
266
00:12:57,385 --> 00:12:59,996
What I'm trying
to say is, um...
267
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,998
Would you like to have
a drink sometime?
268
00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:04,871
I don't drink,
269
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:07,656
and obviously I've taken
a vow of celibacy.
270
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,614
Me too!
271
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,399
Well, actually it
wasn't a vow so much
272
00:13:11,529 --> 00:13:13,401
as it's just kind
of worked out that way.
273
00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:17,709
So, how was
the bachelor party?
274
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,450
Oh, pretty slow.
275
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,278
Everybody was just kind of
waiting for you guys...
276
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:24,542
Well, us guys,
to come back
with the tools.
277
00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:26,544
Excuse me. We're in kind
of a time crunch here.
278
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:28,416
How long do you think
this is gonna take?
279
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,461
Nobody leaves till
the safe opens, okay?
280
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,725
Well, could you...
Could you open it, please?
281
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,902
I can't. It's on a timer.
282
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:37,512
And you didn't think of this?
283
00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:41,255
As you were. Thanks.
284
00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:42,734
[SIGHING]
285
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,301
Hey, James,
you seem a little quiet.
286
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,478
I'm afraid if I talk,
I might get shot.
287
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,613
Oh, it's not that kind
of robbery.
288
00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:53,136
It's not that kind
of robbery, is it?
289
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,311
Nah.
290
00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:57,662
Everything's fine.Fine?
291
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:58,750
I got robbed
last night,
292
00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:01,101
and now
I'm being held hostage.
293
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,319
What, am I wearing
a sign that says,
294
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,973
"I'm a rube.
Take advantage of me"?
295
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,677
Father, I hope this doesn't
seem inappropriate,
296
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:16,899
especially since
I paid you $5.00
to lay your hands on me,
297
00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:21,599
but I do need your advice.
298
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:26,082
I, um...
I have a secret that
I've kept from my fiance.
299
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,651
I've shaved two years
off of my age.
300
00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:32,436
Marriage is based on trust,
301
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,090
so I think you should
be honest with him.
302
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,700
About everything?
303
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,224
Everything except tonight.
304
00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:39,748
Got you.
305
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,924
I mean, how many
Hail Marys do you have to say
306
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:43,795
for grabbing a priest's butt?
307
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:48,191
You know
what the worst thing is?
308
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,976
Stuart set
this whole thing up.
309
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,978
Now we have to turn
the other cheek.
310
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:55,372
Well, ladies, the Bible
does speak of retribution.
311
00:14:57,113 --> 00:15:00,203
So if I sent them
the male stripper
312
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:01,944
that was supposed
to come here?
313
00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:04,077
Revenge is a dish
best served naked.
314
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,339
Huh!
315
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:08,603
MIKE:
I'm gonna make you
a proposition, okay?
316
00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:11,954
You don't need to hold,
you know, all of us hostage.
317
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:14,348
So, why don't you let me
and the youngster go?
318
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:18,352
Mike!
319
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:19,831
You'll be fine.
320
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,095
Look, nobody leaves.
321
00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:24,445
Come on. Hey, hey,
it's for the mayor.
322
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:25,925
Don't you like the mayor?
323
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,057
To tell you the truth,
he's been
a little tough on crime.
324
00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:30,842
Did you vote?
325
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,801
No.Well, if you didn't vote,
326
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,542
I don't think it's fair
for you to criticize.
327
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:38,720
Now, were you to vote for us
in this upcoming election...
328
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:41,418
Mike, are you actually
campaigning?
329
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:42,985
[SAFE BEEPS]
330
00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:44,726
Oh, hey, there it is.
Good. Grab it.
331
00:15:44,856 --> 00:15:46,597
Come on. Grab the loot.
Chop, chop! Let's go.
332
00:15:46,728 --> 00:15:48,034
Oh, great.
bad guy wins again.
333
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,601
Oh, hey, uh, listen,
before you grab
the money and run,
334
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,821
do you mind throwing
some encouraging words
to my friend over there?
335
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,214
He's a little
down on New York.
336
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:55,606
Uh, yeah, sure.
337
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:58,131
Uh, look,
the tap water's great.
338
00:15:58,261 --> 00:15:59,567
Now give me your watch.
339
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:02,787
Excuse me.
I'm looking for City Hall.
340
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:04,485
Get him, get him!
341
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:06,182
Hey, listen,
I got to find this
Mike Flaherty guy.
342
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:07,401
No, that's me.
I'm Mike Flaherty.
343
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,403
Now... Now do your job!
344
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,276
Here?Yes, here! Hurry up!
345
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,671
It's your party.
346
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:17,846
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
347
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:46,918
Mike, we don't need help
from a bunch of girls.
348
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:50,096
We need to move it,
not give it a manicure.
349
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,663
Stuart, why are you holding
a standard wrench?
350
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,709
The bolts
are obviously metric.
351
00:16:54,839 --> 00:16:58,104
Don't you have a socket around
here with a ratchet driver?
352
00:16:58,234 --> 00:16:59,540
Of course we do.
353
00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:04,719
If you're gonna be
snippy about it,
354
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:05,937
you can just find it yourself.
355
00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:09,245
So what have you guys tried?
356
00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:11,117
Well, we tried mixing
tequila with gin.
357
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:13,510
Made us dance.
358
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:16,557
Didn't do anything
for the finger.
359
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:19,386
Sounds like a great
bachelor party.
360
00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:21,431
Yeah? How was mass?
361
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:27,742
It was very funny.
362
00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:30,136
How was Officer Speedo?
363
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,877
Oh, he was excellent. Thanks.
364
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:37,447
If we don't have honesty,
then what do we have?
365
00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:38,579
Oh, Paul.
366
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:39,797
Yes, okay, undying love,
367
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:42,409
eternal soul mates,
blah, blah, blah.
368
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:45,847
Hey, James.Hey, guys, listen.
369
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:48,763
Claudia lied to me
about her age.
370
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:53,202
Hey, Paul. How's Claudia
enjoying that new
Rolex you got her?
371
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:54,551
I forgive you.
372
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:56,945
Thank you.
373
00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,079
Honey, why is Rolex
spelled with 3 Xs?
374
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:04,387
It's the, uh,
the sports model.
375
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,737
It's been a rough day, Mike.
I'm headed home.
376
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,307
This is for protection.
377
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,483
What, in case a tree attacks?
378
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:14,963
We wrenched it,
we drilled it,
379
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,791
the girls are even
setting it on fire.
380
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:18,140
That thing is indestructible!
381
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:22,101
The worst thing was
the more we tried,
382
00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:24,103
it just kept giving us
the finger.
383
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,585
Damn it.
We are running out of time.
384
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:30,370
Well, good luck, guys.
385
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,068
James, James, look.
You're not the only
guy this has ever happened to.
386
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:35,288
My first day in New York,
mugged on the subway.
387
00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:36,724
Held up at the ATM.
388
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:40,510
The pond in the 14th hole
of the Pinehurst
country club,
389
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:42,164
stolen many of my golf balls.
390
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:45,428
I remember the first time
I got mugged.
391
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:47,952
Talk about embarrassing.
It was by a woman.
392
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,129
She came up to me,
made small talk,
393
00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:53,871
put her hand in my pocket,
then made off with my wallet.
394
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,221
Stuart, that's horrible.
395
00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:56,874
I've paid more to get less.
396
00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:03,054
Look, James,
you've got a decision
to make, okay?
397
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,795
You can either
let this own you,
398
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:07,189
or you can rise above it.
399
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,365
Why... Why did you move to
New York in the first place?
400
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:11,062
Because I thought
it'd be exciting.
401
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:13,761
Well, you can't
have excitement
without a little danger.
402
00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:16,111
Why is the roller
coaster fun, huh?
403
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:18,069
Why do people
go rock-climbing?
404
00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:21,160
Why is there a thrill
to lock the office door
405
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:23,336
and get naked before you
talk to the governor?
406
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:27,209
For instance.
407
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:30,778
I'll do it.
408
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,388
I'm gonna give peace a chance.
409
00:19:33,824 --> 00:19:36,523
That's it.
You're a genius.
410
00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:39,178
No, no, Mike,
I didn't write that.
John Mellencamp did.
411
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:42,833
John Lennon, James.
412
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,401
No, no, he used to be
John Lennon Mellencamp.
413
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:52,191
Now he's just John Mellencamp.
414
00:19:58,109 --> 00:20:00,155
Ladies and gentlemen,
415
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,288
to mark our commitment
to the arts,
416
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:06,553
it is my privilege
to present to you this statue
417
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:09,120
which we commissioned
and will stand here
418
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:12,254
as a symbol
of this administration.
419
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:15,910
Sir, do you mind
if James pulls the rope?
420
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,042
But, Mike, I...
I love this kind of stuff.
421
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:19,261
It's why I became the mayor.
422
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:23,396
Oh, all right. Go on.
423
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,625
Why does that one finger
look so odd?
424
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:36,974
It looks like it's made
of spackle
425
00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:38,280
and just perched on there.
426
00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:44,373
I don't wanna be
so presumptuous
as to speak for the artist,
427
00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:50,292
but I believe
that's a commentary on
how we take peace for granted,
428
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:53,077
and how we could lose it
at any moment.
429
00:20:56,516 --> 00:20:57,908
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
430
00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:01,477
[GASPING]Now that's just obscene.
431
00:21:31,202 --> 00:21:32,508
Well, this is healthy.
32091
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