All language subtitles for Spin.City.S02E20.1080p.WEB.H264-DiMEPiECE_track3_[eng]

This is so exciting
that the Pope is
coming to City Hall.

I don't know what
it is about having
a powerful man around

that just gets me going.

Nikki, I shouldn't
have to say this to you.

I know he's rich.
I know he's single.

You can't date the Pope.

I may not agree
with the man,

but he's the only
straight guy I know

who could pull off
that outfit.

You can't imagine
how jealous my family is

that I'm meeting the Pope.

Is this shirt too low?

No.

Honestly,
what do you know
about style?

What is that?

It's my pet turtle
Frank.

He's here
for the blessing
of the animals.

Say hello
to everybody, Frank.

Paul, you're
starting to constitute
a security risk.

This is going to be
the biggest moment

in my political career.

(ALL GASPING)

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

I think moment
is the key word, sir.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

You know how
we have this rule

about never
trying to fix
each other up?

I didn't know
it was a rule.

I just thought
you had given up.

I have a friend
who's in from out of town

who I think
would be perfect for you.

Carter, he has to
be funny, smart,
good-looking.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, maybe just funny
and good-looking.

Okay, forget it.
I'll go out with him.

Aside from the fact
that he's straight,
he's exactly like me.

So he's an incredibly
gay straight man?

Now, that's it.

I'm officially taking down
the suggestion box.

"Wisconsin rules"
is not a suggestion.

I know. I just wanted
to hear someone
else say it.

Wisconsin rules!

Surprisingly,
that was not the least
helpful suggestion.

That honor goes to Stuart,

who proposed that
Wednesday be
"go without your bra day."

In all fairness, I meant
that for everybody.

Wisconsin rules!

All right, James.
We've moved on.

Now, the contract
talks with the transit
authority...

We have to kill them on this.

So we need a negotiator
who's unyielding,

who's ruthless,
who's heartless,

who's a man of steel.

That would be me.

I also need someone
to carry my briefcase.
Stuart?

I'm in.
Good.

Mike, I can't make
this meeting.

My pet turtle Frank,
he's gone.

Well, Paul,
I know Frank,

and he's just
the kind of turtle

who can make it
in this big, crazy city.

You think so?

I know so.

Okay, people, you heard him.

We have a turtle
loose in City Hall.

The odds are heavily
stacked against us.

They're fast,
they're cunning.

Excellent jumpers.

The next order of business,

James, I need
a press release
on the Pope's visit.

Do you wanna make
a really big deal
out of it?

He was here
for 20 minutes.

It was like
a drive-by blessing.

I don't think he changed
anybody's life.

God is all around us.

He's in you,
he's in me.

He's in this podium
right here.

Who's in the podium?

God is, Mike.

And we as a city
need to let the Lord

back into our hearts.

There he is.

Just poked his head out.

Let us all
join hands and pray.

For peace and happiness...

(CLEARS THROAT)

And for the safe return
of Paul's turtle.

Turtle owner's
worst nightmare.

I don't think
turtle ownership
is a requirement

to be in this nightmare.

So great to see
you, Carter.

How are your parents?

You want this to be
a pleasant lunch,

or should I ask the waitress
to bring a couch over?

(CHUCKLES)

How are your
parents doing?

Oh, they're okay.

They sound like
wonderful people.
I would love to meet them.

Easy, girl,
not before the salad.

So, you're
both here...

You're both single.

Ladies and gentlemen,
start your small talk.

Where'd you go to college?

Vassar.

Really?
Yeah.

Any history of alcoholism
in your family?

Parents still together?

My parents
are still married,

but they're
constantly drunk.

I think that booze is
the only thing holding
them together.

Wow! There's a history
of fidelity in his family,

and he's funny.

My work here is done.

Please tell me
you're making a kite.

His Eminence gave it
to me as a gift.

Think it's too big
for me to wear?

Uh, sir, if that were lying
around the set
of The Exorcist,

Linda Blair
would be dead now.

Why don't you just
leave that with me

until you get back
from your lunch at
the Jewish community center?

You know, Mike,
I wish you could
have been there

when I spoke
with His Eminence.

He's an amazing man.

Did you know that
he speaks Polish?

He is Polish.

Still, it's a very
tough language.

You don't have to
tell me about the Pope.

I've been a fan of his
ever since he was

a wily left-handed
Monsignor out of Krakow.

Just meeting him
allowed me to reach
a whole new level

of spiritual depth.

I think it's great
for politicians to believe
in God. I really do.

But sometimes it's just
inappropriate for them

to talk about that in public.

You know, it's
a personal thing.

What are you
saying, Mike?

God is for
the weekends, sir.

He's like Michelob.

Hey.
Get anything?

Got it.

Please tell me
you stole the minutes

from the transit
workers meeting.

Yep. I had to promise
Marjorie Zolot

I'd take her to the movies
next Saturday.
But what the hell?

She gets
senior citizen prices.

I thought for sure
you'd have to
sleep with her.

She's 63 years old.

Said "no", didn't she?

Maybe.

So, what have
we got here?

Mike, we struck gold here.

At last night's meeting,
they voted not to strike.

So the negotiators
have nothing to
bargain with.

I suppose if
they saw this,
they would.

Okay, break.

Mike, the MTA is here.

Send them in.

Hey, Fred, Joe.

Pleasure to
see you guys,
as always.

I was just thinking,
the partnership
we have formed...

Save it, Mike.
We're here for a raise,

and we're not
leaving until
we get it.

We're prepared
to strike if
we have to.

Ooh.

Them's fightin' words.

Hear that, Stuart?
They're talking strike.

Ooh. The city
could shut down.

Whatever would we do?

Flaherty, you've been
telling us for three years

that you don't
have the money.

Well, can you look me
in the eye and tell me
that's the truth.

Joe, I can look you in the eye
and tell you that's the truth.

But with those
big, brown eyes,

I can't promise you
I'm not gonna feel something.

When I left, you guys
were having such
a great time.

How could you never
wanna see him again?

He didn't like
the movie Titanic!

Nikki, it was just a movie.

You mean, like
The Birdcage
is just a movie?

Hey, don't make fun
of The Birdcage.

It's too bad,
Carter.

If they had
gotten married,

you could have been
both his best man
and her maid of honor.

I am a quick
judge of people.

Daniel has
a very cute butt.

But aside from that,
he is a shallow,
insensitive blowhard.

I'll take him on.

Did you hear
what I just said?

What? I heard
"cute butt".

Thank you.

Anyone seen
a spare glove
floating around?

No.
No, sir.

I can't believe
the way you just lied

right in that
union guy's face.

I loved it.

I knew you would.

And with the Pope
right down the hall.

You know, it was
kind of like doing it
in your parents' bed

when they're downstairs
watching 60 minutes.

Just when the pope's
getting a standing
eight count on that,

you go and put
the kibosh on God
at City Hall.

Stuart, somebody
had to do it.

But I thought
you were
a big Catholic.

Oh, let me see.
I went to Catholic
grade school,

Catholic high school,
Catholic college.

I was an altar boy,

and my grandmother
wanted me to be
a priest.

Wouldn't say big.

So where do you
go to church?

I haven't been in years.

To tell you the truth,
I don't miss it.

(SCREAMS)

Hey!

You better watch
what you're doing.

Consider this a warning.

Mike, what happened?

God.

God tried to
run me over
with a big truck.

He had a close call.

God is trying to
send me a message.

You know, the first time
I ever played tennis,

I hit myself in the face
with the racket.

And I think
God was trying to
tell me something.

He doesn't want you
wearing tennis shorts.

None of us do.

So what do you think
your message is, Mike?

I don't know.
That's what scares me.

Fear of a vindictive
and wrathful God

is one of the basic
tenets of Judeo/Christian
heritage.

Take a look at
the 17th century
Calvinists, for example.

What are you doing?

Looking for your
off switch.

Mike had a vision.

My grandmother has
them all the time.

Were you drinking
sambuca?

I think you should
go home, get some sleep.
You'll feel better.

STUART: That's a good idea.

And uh, don't worry, Mike.

I'll handle everything here.

Luckily, God's
message to me was...

Take the afternoon off.

Praise the lord!
Amen!

Hallelujah!

Wisconsin rules!

(TV PLAYING)

MAN ON TV: Are you having
trouble sleeping, friend?

Because you have not
atoned for your sins.

Until you make amends
for the wrongs you have done,

you will not find
the rest you seek.

Oh, no.

Thanks for letting
me take you
to breakfast.

I'll call you.

You better.

Thanks, buddy.
Stacey and I had
a great time.

We're even.

Even for what?

Nothing.

Even for
the horrible time
he had with me?

No, we're even.
It, uh...

It's street talk for...

Goodbye.
You know, "see ya later".

Ooh, I've got
an important meeting
to go to! We're even!

Even, buddy!

You like that guy?

He thinks he's
God's gift to women.

He's funny,
he's interesting.

He's rich.

The only downside
is he wants to get married

and have a family,
you know.

"Charming millionaire
seeks woman with whom

"he can start a family
and live happily
ever after with".

Nikki, that sounds exactly...
Zip it, hayseed.

(YAWNING) Okay, you're
probably wondering why
I've asked you all in here.

I feel that in the past,

I have wronged
each and every
one of you.

I would like
to atone for that,

and tell you
how truly sorry I am.

Carter, remember when
you asked me for
that day off,

and I yelled at you,
and I said you weren't
a team player?

Well, there's no way
I can give you back
Christmas with your family...

But I would like you
to take Passover off.

Thanks. That'll really
mean a lot to my family.

James...

Remember when
you handed in
that last speech,

and I scribbled on top
"Is English your
first language?"

Yeah.

Wait a minute.
Was that some kind
of insult?

James, all I'm saying
is that I think
you do amazing work,

and I just want
to tell you that
in front of everybody.

Me next, Mike!
Do me! Do me!

Paul... Paulie,
Paul, Paul, Paul.

Yeah?
Where do I start?

I'm just sorry.

(BED CREAKING)

Why can't I sleep?

Argh!
(THUDDING)

WOMAN: "Have you seen
this turtle?"

That's a picture
of Frank.

And that's me.

Okay, Paul, the next
time I see a turtle
wearing a top hat,

I'll let you know.

It was his birthday.

Hello, sir.
Paul...

The Pope's visit
inspired me
a great deal.

And like him,
my goal is to spread
the message of hope.

Paul, your turtle is dead.

That can't be true, sir.

Frank is a fighter.

No, he's not.

You have to heal
yourself and move on.

Besides, a turtle
is a stupid, dumb animal.

Probably doesn't
even know he's dead.

Thank you, sir.

Your words were of
great comfort to me.

JAMES: Hey,
good morning, Mike.

You get a good
night's sleep?

Are you mocking me,
James?

I don't think so.

Mike, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.
Why wouldn't I be okay?

You're wearing
one dress shoe
and one sneaker?

Sometimes I wanna
be Deputy Mayor,

and sometimes
I wanna kick field goals.

Come on, Mike.
You were supposed
to be here 10 minutes ago.

You're gonna love this.

Okay, Mike,
if you honestly tell us,

before God and everyone,

that you don't
have the money,

we'll just uh,
shake your hand
and walk away.

Come on, Mike.
Shake his hand,

and I'll get
the parting gifts.

I just don't have the...

I can't do this right now.

Stacey,
where's the nearest
Catholic church?

Sacred Heart, Centre Street.
Very nice, great wine.

Where are you off to
in such a hurry?

I'm going to church, sir.

Why couldn't he have just
come unto me?

Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.

(IN IRISH ACCENT)
How long has it been
since your last confession?

I don't know.
What's today, Wednesday?

About 12 years.

PRIEST: Well, have you
at least been following

the 10 Commandments,
my boy?

I've been trying to, but uh...

I gotta tell ya,
I've been having
some problems

with three, four, and eight.

And let me tell you,
nine is no picnic.

Uh, what is nine again?
I forget.

Uh, nine is
"Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's wife".

Of course. And 10 is
"Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's goods".

That's where I've been
getting into trouble.

I've been
combining those two.

I've been coveting
thy neighbor's
wife's goods.

So, is that why
you're here?

Uh, no.
Father, see, in my job,

well, sometimes
I'm forced to do things

that, if I were to step back,
I might not be so proud of.

And I'm just worried
maybe I'm not on
the right path.

PRIEST: Eh, no biggie.

I tell you what.

Give me three "Hail Marys,"
a couple of "Our Fathers,"

and go back to work.

That's it?

PRIEST: Well, one more thing.

Do you have any
sex acts you want
to confess to?

Married women...

Gymnasts...

Twins from Poughkeepsie?

Stuart.

Yeah, Mike?

I'm gonna kill you...

And confess to it
at the same time!

I can't believe
I blew this one.

Why is it when
someone comes along
with real potential,

I nit-pick
and chase him away?

We all make
mistakes like that.

It's like me
and Susan Egan. You know,
Councilman's assistant?

She was perfect for me.
We connected on every level.

She could have
easily been the one.

No idea how
she managed to slip
through my fingers.

James, you never even
introduced yourself to her.

That might've been it.

What is wrong
with you two?

I mean, you are so
afraid of commitment.

You meet someone.
You could let 'em know
you're interested,

but then the ball's
in their court.

I mean, you are leaving
yourself wide open for pain.

So, you sit there
Saturday night
watching the Mets game,

when you despise baseball
and you'd rather
be with Tom.

Tom? Who's Tom?

Some guy you might have
met at a gallery opening
last week

who gave you his number
which you stare at
night after night

because you're too
afraid to call.

(TEARFULLY) Excuse me!

Wow, he's really
got it together.

Oh, my God!

God!

Wait up!

Oh, Lord!

Yo, Messiah!

Jesus...

Of Nazareth?

No, it's Wayne of Bay Ridge.

So, you really are
just a truck driver?

Until yesterday,
I was a bus driver, too.

The MTA didn't
get that cash bump
they were hoping for,

and they had to
lay a few of us off.

I got Jesus fired.

I told you, it's Wayne.

I gotta lose this beard.

Uh, wait, wait.

I work for the city.

It's my fault
you didn't get that bump.

I'm so sorry.

I forgive you.

You do?

Yeah, sure. Why not?

I promise I won't go so long

without talking
to you next time!

Okay, dude.
Now you're
freaking me out.

Why can't I touch people?

The law is the law, sir.

Here, I've been trying
to help people all day,

and all I've seemed to do
is make them more miserable.

I vow, I am never, never

getting involved in
anyone's life ever again!

Here you go, Paul.

Oh, my gosh!
Oh, Mr. Mayor!

It's a miracle!

It's not a miracle.

It's a gift.

I'm back, baby!