Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:11,079
Mike, you have
to place the tinsel
2
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,881
carefully on the branch,
3
00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:16,050
one strand at a time.
4
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:19,620
Sorry. You're right.
I'll do better.
5
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:24,925
This is a really
nice tree, Mike.
6
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,428
Isn't it though? You know,
I was upstate on the weekend.
7
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,762
I was meandering
through the woods.
8
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,332
I saw this back-lit
by the sunset,
9
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,901
and I said, "What a beautiful
piece of nature."
10
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:37,071
So I hacked it down
and brought it in here.
11
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:40,674
Well, I don't think
you killed it,
'cause it's still moving.
12
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,176
Hey, Paul,
you wanna hold it
steady back there?
13
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:43,777
PAUL: I don't understand
why somebody
can't run out
14
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,280
and get a stand
for this tree.
15
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,350
Mike, I was hoping
that we could put this
on top of the tree.
16
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,220
It would really mean
a lot to me. I made it
when I was a boy.
17
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,987
Wow, Stuart, an angel.
18
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,759
An anatomically
correct angel.
19
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,828
You have your concept
of heaven,
20
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,230
I have mine.
21
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,266
PAUL: I say we have
a big blow-out
22
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:06,500
of a Christmas party
this year.
23
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,469
I'm with the tree.
24
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,204
Stacey, you wanna
get on that?
25
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:12,406
Oh, I can't do it Mike,
and I won't.
26
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,175
Maybe I wasn't clear
when I hired you.
27
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,276
As my assistant,
28
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,778
occasionally you may
need to assist me.
29
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:19,847
If I do this something
bad's gonna happen.
30
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:22,916
As long no one
gets drunk and sings
The Little Drummer Boy.
31
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,218
I hate that song.
32
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,221
(HUMMING)
33
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:28,989
* Rum-pa-pum-pum
34
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,393
* I am a poor boy, too
35
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,862
* Pa-rum-pum-pum
36
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,199
ALL: (SINGING)
* I have no gifts to bring
37
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:41,502
* Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
38
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,637
* To lay before the king
39
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,173
* Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
40
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,774
* Rum-pa-pa-pum
41
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:49,009
* Rum-pa-pa-pum
42
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,678
Okay. That's enough.
43
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,715
PAUL:
* Beat my drum
44
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:57,185
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
45
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,640
Mr. Mayor?
Yeah.
46
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,376
This is, uh,
this is Justin Falby.
47
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,578
He's the state
spelling bee champion.
48
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:28,782
Mike, kids make me
a little n-e-r-v-o-u-s.
49
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,555
This is Justin Falby,
50
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,657
the state
spelling bee champion.
51
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,660
Oh, well, in that case,
52
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,095
c-o-n...
53
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,236
Gratulations.
54
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,507
And so to sum up,
ladies and gentlemen,
55
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,075
I don't know.
56
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,280
Always love
watching you work, Paul.
57
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,681
We'll take it from here.
58
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:03,517
Before we introduce
the Mayor's special guest,
59
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,786
we have one piece
of Christmas business.
60
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,421
There was a mix-up
at the printer's.
61
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,123
The City Hall Christmas card
should read,
62
00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:12,159
"Happy holidays
from the Mayor and his staff,"
63
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:15,396
not "It's a boy.
Steven and Marcia Fingerman."
64
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,269
Having said that...
65
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,405
Way to go Fingermans.
66
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,607
Has the Mayor
asked Santa Claus
67
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,642
for anything special
this Christmas?
68
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,512
Happiness and prosperity
for all New Yorkers.
69
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:32,913
And a ping-pong table.
70
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,117
For the youth center.
71
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,387
No, for the mansion.
72
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:42,523
I wanna give my old
gaming table
to the youth center.
73
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:44,292
We know how
those inner-city kids
74
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,793
love to play Baccarat.
75
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,196
Christmas and kids.
76
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:51,732
I remember when
I first found out
77
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,801
that there was
no Santa Claus. Ooh.
78
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:01,842
Oh, well, sir, how...
How can there, uh,
79
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,312
how can there be
no Santa Claus?
80
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:07,114
I don't know, Mike.
Apparently adults
just made him up.
81
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,785
Oh.
82
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,488
What you got there?
83
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,990
It's a Christmas care package
from my folks.
84
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,026
They sent it 'cause I can't
afford to go home this year,
85
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,094
what with the airfare
and the hotel room.
86
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,696
Why would you need
to get a hotel room?
87
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,866
Ever since I moved out,
my parents have used
my room to smoke meat.
88
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,506
Ugh! What is
that stench? Ugh!
89
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:34,842
Venison.
90
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,112
How cool is this?
91
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,148
Your mother knows
you're a guy, right?
92
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,418
All right,
everyone in my office.
93
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,586
We have a little
Santa situation.
94
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,020
Hey, I recognize
that sweater.
95
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,123
That's from the "I'm proud
I'm not having sex" catalog.
96
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,127
JAMES: There's more.
97
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,830
Every year my mom makes
a whole nativity scene
out of candy.
98
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,835
Chocolate Jesus.
99
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,505
James, please. At work,
just call me Carter.
100
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:13,647
In all fairness
to Justin,
101
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:14,948
he's not just crying
about Santa.
102
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,216
After the press conference,
103
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:18,386
the Mayor accidentally broke
his spelling bee trophy.
104
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,021
Why don't you
just give him
105
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,223
that stupid "world's
greatest boss trophy"
that's on your desk.
106
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,261
Because, Carter,
107
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,164
he's not the world's
greatest boss.
108
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,737
I'm the world's
greatest boss.
109
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,139
All right, I did it.
I set up another
press conference
110
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,441
between the Mayor
and Justin.
111
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,610
Is this where the Mayor
tells him he's adopted?
112
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,083
There's only one guy
who can fix this.
113
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:51,819
Santa Claus?
114
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,621
No, the world's
greatest boss.
115
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,256
We'll bring Justin
back in,
116
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,459
and we'll pay him
a visit with one of
the City Hall Santas.
117
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:01,294
Mike, you let them
all go when you cut
the holiday budget.
118
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,797
I can't believe you fired
all the Santas, Mike.
119
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,265
And at Christmas.
120
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,437
Well, when else can
you fire them, James?
121
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,976
I mean, you fire them
in the summertime,
122
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,511
they don't even know
about it.
123
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:26,587
Stuart! You're eating
one of the wise men.
124
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,495
If he's so wise,
125
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,466
why is he so
chocolatey delicious?
126
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,568
Hey, everybody.
127
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:44,805
(JINGLING)
128
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,546
Where's the third wise man?
129
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:57,017
He went down
to the 7-Eleven to pick up
a six-pack of myrrh.
130
00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,253
No one leaves here until
I find out who ate
King Nebuchadnezzar.
131
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,289
James, just replace him
with a Kit Kat
132
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:03,991
and get on with your life.
133
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:07,360
You wait until there's
something important
to you, and I...
134
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,330
Eat it!
135
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,169
I'm not being
superstitious.
136
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,506
Every time I throw
a Christmas party,
137
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:20,941
someone dies.
138
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,512
I guess every family
has their traditions.
139
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:28,816
Six Parties,
six dead relatives.
140
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,351
Six years, and you just
now decided to quit
throwing parties?
141
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:32,920
It started knocking off
the ones I like.
142
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,689
You let all
the City Hall
Santas go,
143
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,025
and now we're supposed
to come to your rescue?
144
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,793
Well, ho, ho, ho.
145
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,864
Look, it's pretty obvious
you guys got us by the, uh...
146
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,567
Jingle bells.
147
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,203
Let me just take a look
at those demands.
148
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:55,809
Okay. You want a 10% raise,
full dental...
149
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,445
Wait a minute.
150
00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:00,247
You don't wanna
work holidays?
151
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:04,151
We're willing
to let that one go.
152
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,653
Most of this stuff
is negotiable.
153
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,420
Right now, just as
a good faith gesture,
154
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:10,357
I just need one of you
to come with me
to the press room, okay?
155
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:15,028
I seem to have misplaced
my Santa-to-English
phrase book.
156
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:18,566
So on Prancer,
on Dancer, on...
157
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,569
Scotchie.
158
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,776
We also want
a ten-minute break
159
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,811
every hour for smoking.
160
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:32,980
And drinking.
161
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,716
Shut up, Jerry.
162
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,051
Give me the outfit.
I'll be back
in 10 minutes.
163
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,253
You want this outfit?
You want it?
164
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,089
You're gonna have
to take it off of me.
165
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,594
Okay, I'm sure that line
works with Mrs. Claus.
166
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:55,235
I just wanna, you know,
help out a little kid.
167
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,938
Wait. Are you
disrespecting my lady?
168
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,242
Hands off, tubby.
169
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,144
Why, what are you
gonna do about it?
170
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:11,084
I'm warning you. Stop.
171
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,287
Yeah, hey, guys,
the little drummer boy
wants me to stop.
172
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,758
ALL: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
173
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,528
(CHUCKLES) All right.
You know what?
174
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,931
It's time to get naughty.
175
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,367
You see, I was wrong, Justin.
176
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,136
There really is a Santa Claus.
177
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:30,904
And maybe,
178
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:34,441
just maybe,
he'll make a special stop
179
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:38,178
all the way from
the North Pole!
(CHUCKLES)
180
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:44,184
And maybe...
181
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,821
Just maybe...
182
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,658
He'll make a special stop
183
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,160
all the way
from the North Pole!
184
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,198
Paul...
185
00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,499
(MUFFLED) Do something.
186
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,173
Justin,
187
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,208
Santa's gonna be
a little late,
188
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,677
but I spoke to him.
189
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:12,179
And he told me
to give you this...
190
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,614
Um, uh, this,
this subway token.
191
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,086
I'm gonna need that back.
192
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,023
Ho, ho, ho.
193
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,825
Merry Christmas.
194
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,394
Santa was just in a little
195
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,529
sleigh wreck
on the way over.
196
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,299
Now, what's this I hear
197
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,401
about you not believing
in me, huh?
198
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,636
(SCREAMS)
199
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:46,546
I can't believe the way
this thing has gotten
so out of hand.
200
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,615
I can't believe
Santa bit me.
201
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,185
I say we just
cut our losses
202
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,687
and forget
about little Justin.
203
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,322
Just forget
about little Justin.
204
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,523
Well, I don't think so.
205
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:57,758
Oh, Mike,
he'll be fine.
206
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,592
Kids block out
these childhood traumas.
207
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,829
I know I did.
Like that time
when Jimmy Owens
208
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,396
pulled down my pants
in front of...
209
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,733
Oh, God. Oh,
it's flooding all back.
210
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,238
Yeah, he'll be okay.
He'll go to school.
211
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,473
He'll do well,
and he'll maybe
212
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,475
grow up to be
the youngest deputy mayor
213
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,010
in the history
of New York City.
214
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,748
He'll seem okay.
You know, with...
215
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:25,552
A winning smile
and baby blue eyes...
216
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,588
Fancy designer ties
217
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:31,524
with the little
checkie things
on them.
218
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,795
But trust me, there will
be a hole in his life
219
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,964
that'll never be filled.
220
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,868
How do you know so much
about this kid?
221
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,038
What's the next step, Mike?
222
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,207
You gonna drive a candy cane
through Santa's heart
223
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,876
during half-time
at the Super Bowl?
224
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:51,779
I'm just gonna do
whatever it takes
225
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:54,214
to make sure that Justin
believes in Santa again.
226
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,851
Look, we're politicians.
227
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:00,821
We spend all our time
doing damage control.
228
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:04,257
You know, protecting our guy,
deflecting problems
229
00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:05,425
until the next one comes up.
230
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,594
Well, today. Today we can
solve a problem
231
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,229
that we don't have to.
232
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,198
Mike, that's beautiful.
233
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:15,002
And if things don't
work out for you here,
234
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:18,806
I heard there's an opening
for deputy mayor
of Candyland.
235
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:26,814
Stuart?
236
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,149
Damn. You caught me.
237
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,720
Do you not have an ounce
of Christmas spirit in you?
238
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:37,290
Well, Joseph was
about three ounces, so...
239
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,361
Yes.
240
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,496
You three just come back
from lunch?
241
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,731
So what'd you have?
242
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,434
A little cottage cheese,
maybe a little fruit?
243
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,337
Steamed vegetables.
244
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,305
Mmm-mmm!
245
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,043
Bet you didn't any dessert.
246
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:57,978
Oh, dear.
247
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:01,748
It's so soft and creamy
248
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,651
that just holding it
in my hands for a moment,
249
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:09,156
it melted
all over my fingers.
250
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:10,924
(SUCKING)
251
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:12,860
Oh, God, gimme a goat!
252
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,363
Hands off! I've been
eyeing that goat all day.
253
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,031
I want the roof!
(CHUCKLES)
254
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,433
You are all weak!
Very weak.
255
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,869
And I love you for it!
256
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,209
What's that
on your hands?
257
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,112
Shepherd.
258
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,792
PAUL: Just anchor
your hands and feet...
259
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,496
And move one limb
at a time,
260
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,564
and we should be safe.
261
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:56,003
Whoa, careful.
Pretty steep up here.
262
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,439
Could be dangerous.
263
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:02,609
Why can't Carter be Santa?
264
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,111
Oh, good, Paul.
265
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,678
Surprise visit
in the middle
of the night
266
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:06,779
from a disguised
black man.
267
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,115
What could possibly
go wrong?
268
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,320
Come on, Paul.
You agreed to do this.
269
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:14,387
You tricked me.
270
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,823
You said we were
going out for drinks.
271
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:19,927
Maybe Justin's mother's gonna
have a nice cup of eggnog
for you down there.
272
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,561
Eggnog gives me mucus.
273
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,665
Paul, eggnog is mucus.
274
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,701
Come on.
Get in the hole.
Let's go.
275
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,370
(PAUL SCREAMING)
276
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,738
Hey, hey!
277
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,373
Don't push the man.
Thank you.
278
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,575
At least one of you
is concerned with my safety.
279
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,611
Don't flatter
yourself, Paul.
I'm tethered to you.
280
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,814
We're here to show
a young child
281
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:45,785
the true meaning
of Christmas,
peace, love, joy.
282
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,554
Now, if you don't get
into the spirit of this,
283
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:50,357
I'm gonna launch you off
this roof like a lawn dart.
284
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,393
I go, he goes.
285
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,162
Yeah, well,
286
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,464
Carter understood
the risks when he
took on this mission.
287
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,432
You told me we were
going out for drinks!
288
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,470
I'm gonna go down
and psyche Justin up.
289
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:07,040
You lower him halfway down,
I give you the signal.
290
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:10,077
Okay, Paul. You're up.
I mean, you're down.
291
00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:12,245
All right.
Fire in the hole.
292
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,646
What? What?
293
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:15,715
Dive, Kringle.
294
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:19,386
Mike, be careful.
295
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,222
It misted up here earlier.
296
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:24,157
This whole roof could be
crawling with black ice.
297
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,525
If there were black ice
up here,
298
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,560
don't you think I would
have stepped in it by now?
299
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:28,695
Whoa!
300
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,534
Under control.
301
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,836
Excuse me.
302
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,038
I'm from the union,
303
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,806
and I'm looking
for Mike Flaherty.
304
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,675
Yeah, and I'm still looking
for my Cabbage Patch doll
from Christmas '85,
305
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,277
so take a seat!
306
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,378
Fine.
307
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,615
Hey, Nikki,
I am swamped over here.
308
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:49,716
Could you run
and do me a favor
309
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,118
and go get some stuff
for the party?
310
00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:52,619
Sure. What do you need?
311
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,254
Liquor, chips, dip?
312
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,922
I was thinking
more along the lines
313
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:58,258
of a first-aid kit
and a priest.
314
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,393
You're still stuck
on this death thing?
315
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,396
Please. I love you guys.
Don't go to this party.
316
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,032
It's gonna be too dangerous.
317
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,266
What was that?
318
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:07,734
Nothing.
I'll see you tonight.
319
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:17,510
I heard a rumor
320
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,847
that Santa Claus was
coming to your house.
321
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,183
Is he going
to beat you up again?
322
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,586
That wasn't
the real Santa.
323
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,722
The real Santa doesn't fight
like a girl.
324
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,193
So what do you want
for Christmas?
325
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:36,396
A Bunsen burner,
some matches...
326
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,199
Hey, Carter. I'm not moving.
327
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,268
Throw down some more slack.
328
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:48,741
Candles and a couple
of Zippos.
329
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,710
Justin's taken
a real interest
330
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,180
in experimenting
with fire.
331
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,349
Well, you must be
so proud, and...
332
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,551
So terrified
at the same time.
333
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,353
No, thank you.
334
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,155
But my list
doesn't matter anyway,
335
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,091
because there is
no Santa Claus.
336
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,293
Oh, really. Then,
then why do I hear
337
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,894
reindeer hooves
on the roof?
338
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:10,563
Carter. Reindeer sounds.
339
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:11,998
(CARTER MOOS)
340
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,570
Not rein-cow!
341
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,540
Just stamp your feet
or something,
342
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,609
and watch out
for the black ice.
343
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:23,976
(STAMPING)
344
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,445
(CARTER SCREAMS)
345
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:30,950
What's that?
346
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:33,553
Uh, that... Uh, uh, him?
347
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,165
The, uh, the man dangling
outside your window?
348
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,567
That's, uh, that's,
that's nothing.
349
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,869
Santa?
350
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,239
Ho, ho, ho. Yeah, Mike?
351
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:53,673
What's the deal, Santa?
352
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,142
Ho, ho, ho, Mike.
353
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,544
(LAUGHS)
354
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:58,878
I'm stuck.
355
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,352
Stacey, is there
a fork around
for this pumpkin pie?
356
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:08,688
A fork? Do you know how
dangerous a fork is?
357
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,658
You might as well
eat it with a gun.
Use your hands.
358
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,294
James, come on.
Join the party.
359
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:17,164
You've already strip-mined
my nativity scene.
360
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:18,531
All that's left
is the baby Jesus.
361
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,866
Someone has
to guard him.
362
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,735
We should do this now.
363
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:26,072
Do what you will to me.
You will never get the baby!
364
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,407
NIKKI: Relax, James.
365
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,742
We all chipped in
and got you this.
366
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:34,181
A ticket home!
Thank you, guys!
367
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,053
I feel really bad
for not trusting you.
368
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,756
I thought one of you guys
would try to eat
the baby Jesus,
369
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:46,058
so I replaced him
with a big hunk of ceramic...
370
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,527
(STUART GROANS)
371
00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:58,871
(GROANS)
372
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,575
So Stuart's the one
that's gonna croak.
373
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:06,979
Didn't somebody
from this office
take that C.P.R. class?
374
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,448
(MUFFLED) It was me!
375
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:13,986
(GROANS)
(SPITS)
376
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:18,591
You can
let go of me now.
377
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,264
You're welcome.
378
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,966
And you, I hope
you've learned a lesson.
379
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,302
You're too smart
380
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,304
to let silly superstition
rule your life.
381
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,308
Christmas is all about
celebrating a birth,
382
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,076
not fearing death.
383
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:38,978
Am I right, Santa?
384
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:51,991
Well, that's ironic.
385
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:59,131
CROWD: Five, four,
three, two, one.
386
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,268
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
387
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,604
In just a minute, Justin,
388
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,873
I'm gonna stand here and read
this story to the city,
389
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,408
because I think
it's important
390
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,209
that all the children
out there
391
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,879
believe in
"the magic of Satan."
392
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,318
That's, uh,
that's Santa.
393
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:22,622
Typo.
394
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:24,691
I believe
in Santa, Justin.
395
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,327
Who do you think got me
these fine Cuban cigars?
396
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,529
Uh, sir, I don't
think Santa
397
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,064
cleared those cigars
with customs, so...
398
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:33,933
I don't think
he intended for you
399
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:36,002
to smoke them
at a public speech.
400
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,271
Oh.
401
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:50,082
The tree went up
like a torch.
402
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:53,853
And by the time
this mysterious
three-alarm blaze was put out,
403
00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:57,023
this was all that remained.
404
00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:00,693
It's just what I wanted
for Christmas.
405
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:02,929
A big fire!
406
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,398
And Santa
407
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:07,467
knew that.
408
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:11,070
Can I get another one?
409
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:14,106
Justin, can you
spell pyromaniac?
410
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,044
That's the word
I won the championship on.
411
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,080
So do you believe
in Santa now?
412
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:24,116
I do! I know
there's a Santa!
413
00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:26,986
And nothing can ever
change my mind.
414
00:21:32,725 --> 00:21:34,026
Merry Christmas.
415
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:38,365
PAUL: You know, I'm
a little claustrophobic
and everything,
416
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:39,832
and it's unusually
dark in here.
417
00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:43,102
Ho, ho, ho, ho! But I figure
with all the rescue people
418
00:21:43,202 --> 00:21:47,374
and everything running around
that I'll be like
a national hero, right?
419
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,042
Like baby Jessica? Guys?
420
00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:51,878
Guys? Hello?
421
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,580
Is anybody out there?
422
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,683
Guys? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Oh. Oh, God.
423
00:21:56,783 --> 00:21:59,118
Are the walls
closing in here?
424
00:21:59,218 --> 00:22:01,521
Oh, ho, ho, ho...
30363
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof