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1
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:07,975
(ALL CLAMORING)
2
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,078
A recent study of New York
public schools finds that
seventh and eighth graders
3
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,413
are overweight
in record numbers.
What's your reaction?
4
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,015
Uh, we don't like
the word "overweight."
5
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,685
We prefer the term
"ultra-nourished."
6
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:19,787
(ALL CLAMORING)
7
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:22,990
Uh, yes. The ultra...
Fat guy in the back.
8
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,794
No need to single
anyone out, sir.
9
00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:29,663
Yes, you... you
with the doughnut.
10
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,300
Uh...
Let me say one thing.
11
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,535
There's no excuse
for a 12-year-old
12
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,370
with a jelly belly.
13
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,672
These kids
need to exercise.
Look at me!
14
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:41,709
I'm 50 years old.
Check out these guns.
15
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,844
(MIMICS GUN COCKING)
AND FIRING)
16
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:48,015
Eh? I can do 60 pushups
in a row.
17
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,317
And you can all
see that
18
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,685
when the mayor releases
his new workout video.
19
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,121
So if there are
no more questions...
20
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,488
Count 'em off
for me, Mike.
21
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:55,923
(GROANS)
22
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:58,792
Uh...
one...
23
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,163
Uh, one...
24
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,499
One and a half...
25
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,268
MAYOR: I'm hurt.
26
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,804
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
27
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,728
Okay, the fitness issue
is a new priority.
28
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,197
The mayor's
attempted pushup
29
00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:37,865
has taken all
the fat kids in New York
30
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,867
and put them
on the front page.
31
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,001
We need a response.
32
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:43,171
Bigger front page?
33
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,173
The mayor
wants to sponsor
a fitness program
34
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,975
for all the schools.
You know, pushups,
sit-ups, running laps.
35
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:49,377
Ooh, how about archery?
36
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,678
That's great, Paul.
37
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,613
After the fat kids
have been picked
on all day,
38
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,882
we'll just arm them
with bows and arrows.
39
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,085
Look, we want
to set an example
40
00:01:58,186 --> 00:02:00,321
by having someone
from the mayor's office
41
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:01,755
follow the fitness
program,
42
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,357
and I need a volunteer.
43
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,727
Hey. Where does
the sun rise?
44
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,829
In the east.
45
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:12,700
Where does it set?
In the west
46
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:14,768
at the beach.
47
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,205
A la playa.
48
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,208
La playa blanco.
49
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,077
Still looking
for a volunteer.
50
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,579
Well, you know,
I would do it,
Mike,
51
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,915
but I'm allergic
to my own sweat.
52
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:31,519
Really, Paul.
Because, uh, you're
sweating now.
53
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:34,388
I am? Ow...
Ow...
54
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,491
Paul... drop the act.
55
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,860
You can go.
Thank you, Michael.
56
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,529
This is not
a big deal, guys.
57
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:42,663
I'm just looking
for someone
58
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,232
who could stand
to lose a couple
of pounds.
59
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,299
You even look
over here,
60
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,967
I will drop-kick you
through the window.
61
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,237
Nikki can go.
62
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:52,240
Mike, I know people.
63
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,708
Stacey can go,
too.
64
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,577
James, you're already
too skinny.
65
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,078
I'm from Wisconsin,
Mike.
66
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,314
We eat all the cheese
and sausage we want.
67
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,015
Only the women
get big.
68
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,755
It's the damnedest
thing.
69
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,325
So, Carter.
70
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,363
I guess that just
leaves you and me.
71
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,432
And since
I'm not doing it...
72
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,770
Oh, pick me,
Mike, please.
73
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:26,073
So, where are we
going to lunch?
74
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:29,042
Paul, it's 10:30.
You just finished
your muffin.
75
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,845
You just finished
my muffin.
76
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,281
This is
a preemptive
strike.
77
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,948
Every day
we wait till
the last minute
78
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,350
to decide where
we're gonna go
to lunch.
79
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,487
We always end up
at that horrible,
nasty Mexican place.
80
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,489
I can't take it
anymore.
81
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,923
I hate Mexican.
82
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,292
They're all over
the place,
83
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,694
everywhere you look...
Mexican, Mexican,
Mexican!
84
00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:48,529
They're way
too greasy.
85
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,131
Excuse me?
86
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:52,966
Oh, hey, Councilman
Rodriguez.
87
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:54,935
Oh, God!
Oh, no!
88
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,338
No, no, no!
You're not the Mexican
I was talking about!
89
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,340
Oh, God!
I'm sorry!
90
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,209
A public
weigh-in.
91
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:05,145
Wasn't that just
the icing on the cake
I can't have.
92
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,449
175. That's much more
we could have hoped for.
93
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,351
Yes, sir,
we're all
thrilled.
94
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,785
Carter,
come on.
95
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,220
So you're
a little heavier
than you thought.
96
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,923
It'll motivate you.
Put a fire
in your belly.
97
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,558
Big fire.
98
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,428
My scale at home
says 165 pounds.
99
00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:22,396
That is
the perfect weight
for my height.
100
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,164
I know all
about that.
101
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:25,933
It's the scale
that's fat.
102
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,636
I think I need
to take a walk.
103
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:29,937
Brisk walk.
104
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,041
Hi, James.
105
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:37,845
Here's the stapler
you wanted.
106
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,913
I got it for you
special.
107
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,048
Thanks, Katie.
108
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:44,017
I had a really
great time last night.
109
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,455
(WHISPERS)
I'll call you later.
110
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,359
Makin' time with
the supply girl?
111
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,927
Wow! We're allowed
to date in-house here?
112
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,429
Yes, you are.
113
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,398
In fact...
114
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,599
It's encouraged.
115
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:01,935
Stuart?
Yeah.
116
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,371
Come here.
117
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,475
You will never get
this close to me again.
118
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,478
(WHISPERS)
You smell good.
119
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,213
Spill.
120
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:14,415
How long have
you guys been dating?
121
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,249
We've...We've only been out
a couple of times.
122
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:19,119
Yeah? James,
did you, uh...
123
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:20,654
(CLICKING)
124
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,392
Did I staple her?
125
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:26,760
No.
126
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,397
James, don't listen
to Stuart.
127
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:32,165
You and Katie want
a long, slow
courtship
128
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:33,467
where you get to
know each other,
right?
129
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,135
You don't wanna
just hop into bed.
130
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:38,439
So you're telling me
you never jumped into
bed with a guy
131
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,140
after your first date?
132
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,109
We're talking about
James here.
133
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,179
It was a simple
misunderstanding.
134
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,416
The councilman
totally overreacted.
135
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,017
You're right, Paul.
I mean, all you did
136
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:52,586
was defame his country
and insult his culture.
137
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,422
No! No, that's
not true!
138
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,089
Paul Lassiter
loves all people!
139
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,626
Paul Lassiter
is a citizen
of the world!
140
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,093
A citizen of the world
141
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,663
who grew up
in an exclusively
Irish-Catholic neighborhood
142
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,565
I'm betting without
a single minority
living there.
143
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,801
Not true.
Right next door was
Mary Beth Hoolihan.
144
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,169
Her mom
was Canadian.
145
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:14,141
Just remember, Paulie.
Hate is a four-letter
word.
146
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,443
I'm not a racist.
147
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:18,779
I'm very open-minded.
I pride myself on that.
148
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:22,783
My sophomore year,
we went to Tijuana
on spring break.
149
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,718
I bought a sombrero!
150
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,455
I'm not a racist.
151
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,559
(LAUGHING) It's too easy.
152
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,664
(CARTER PANTING)
153
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:40,934
Need...
154
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:42,636
Water...
155
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,304
And...
156
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:45,739
Candy!
157
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,107
Come on,
we've done four miles,
158
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,742
and we haven't even
broken a sweat!
159
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:54,815
Hey, come on.
It's a great way
to lose a couple of pounds.
160
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,249
I'm gonna
throw up!
161
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:57,618
Well,
there's that.
162
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,187
MIKE: Hey, hey, hey.
Come on.
163
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,989
What about the mayor's
fitness program, huh?
164
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,491
What about
those kids?
165
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:07,294
Great idea.
Let's harness up a team
and let 'em pull me!
166
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,196
I was worried
you'd crack.
167
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,864
That's why I brought
you a little surprise.
168
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:12,666
A Snickers?
169
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,203
Top of the line
runner's watch.
170
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,672
That's your
Butt Toner 2000.
171
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,241
It's very sweet.
172
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:22,976
If your pulse rate
drops below 100,
173
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,545
this thing
automatically says...
174
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:25,946
WOMAN: (ON WATCH)
Kick it up!
175
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:28,248
Cool.
176
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,750
Let's kick it up!
177
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:30,684
There ya go.
178
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,686
* Go, Carter
You're money
179
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,821
Stop that!
180
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,388
* Go, Carter
181
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:36,890
Thanks for
doing this,
though.
182
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,192
Works better
if you work out
with someone.
183
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,728
Hey, you and me
all the way.
184
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:43,564
You're on
your own.
185
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,000
Excuse me.
186
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,536
Where's
the petting zoo?
187
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,705
So...
188
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,306
We wanna hear.
How'd your date go?
189
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,544
Uh, okay.
I started off
by holding her hand.
190
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:57,645
And?
191
00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:00,748
And... that would be
the high point.
192
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:01,815
Very hot.
193
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,552
Trust me, James.
You have got to
woo her.
194
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,654
(CHUCKLES) Oh!
What?
195
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,022
Woo? Who woos?
196
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,258
I'm hearing a lot
of words here,
197
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,260
but none of them
are helping James.
198
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,895
All right.
Fine.
199
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,030
Pretend I'm Katie
and you wanna kiss me.
200
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,398
Show me
your moves.
201
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,403
Okay.
I have no moves.
202
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:25,472
Here's what you do.
203
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,174
You want to kiss
this woman,
204
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,810
you put your hand
on her thigh...
205
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,879
Very soft touch.
Hmm?
206
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:33,881
Like that.
207
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,348
No.
208
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,184
You squeeze
her thigh.
209
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,019
Squeeze it hard.
210
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,788
Women, they like
strength.
211
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,456
Women like tenderness.
212
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,458
Uh... do women like
passing out?
213
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:46,960
I'm getting
a little dizzy here.
214
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,430
Watch me, James.
215
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:52,399
You take control.
216
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,735
You put your hand
in the back
of her head...
217
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,203
Try not to mess up
her hair...
218
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,172
And you pull her in.
219
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:01,975
Oh, God!
220
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:06,614
As you were.
221
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:11,384
(CARTER SINGING)
* Go, Carter
222
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,386
* You're money
Guys dig you
223
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,388
* Go, go, go, Carter
224
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,224
* You're money
Guys dig you
225
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,892
* Go, go, go, Carter
226
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,861
* You're money
Guys dig you... *
227
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,363
OFFICER: (ON LOUDSPEAKER)
You there!
Stop where you are!
228
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,833
Whoo-hoo! Yes!
(SIREN WAILING)
229
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,236
Police! Put your
hands up!
230
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:33,941
I... I didn't realize
I was going that fast.
231
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,244
Put your hands
on top of your head!
232
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,691
Hey.
Can I help you?
233
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,325
Yeah,
I'm Detective Blade.
234
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,761
New roller cop.
235
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,664
Got a lost and found
around this place?
236
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,665
What did you lose?
237
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,166
Member of
the mayor's staff.
238
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,434
Oh. All right.
239
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,937
He vouched for you.
You're free to go.
240
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,840
Thank you very much.
Once again, I'd like
to apologize for...
241
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,810
Wait a second...
What did I do?
242
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:11,779
Oh, that's right.
243
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,013
Nothing!
244
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,883
Which is why
we should get
outta here
245
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,350
before there's a whole
lot of nothing
in tomorrow's paper.
246
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,420
We were looking for
a Black male who just
mugged a lady.
247
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,823
You were uncooperative,
and you had no I.D.
248
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,157
You know,
I wish I did,
249
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,894
because on my license,
I'm a white guy
from Greenwich.
250
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,833
Let's not waste
any more time
being upset, okay?
251
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,368
Look, you've, uh,
already been here
20 minutes.
252
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,670
Actually, Mike,
my watch stopped.
253
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,638
They broke it
when they slapped
the cuffs on.
254
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,140
The Butt Toner?
255
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,810
Somebody's gonna
pay for this.
256
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:44,912
Damn right
someone is.
257
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,446
All right, Car, so
when you beeped me,
I ordered a car.
258
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,515
It's waiting out back.
Let's get the hell
outta here, okay?
259
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:49,983
Hey, Mike,
why don't you just
go ahead?
260
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,919
I'm gonna take a cab...
If I can get one
to stop for me.
261
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:55,255
Carter! Hey, Car...
oh, look out.
262
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,027
Officer down!
263
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,831
Katie, hi!
It's me!
264
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,000
James.
265
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,103
Uh, listen, I was thinking,
maybe you and I could...
266
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,305
I don't know,
tonight maybe
catch a flick?
267
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,374
7:00 it is!
268
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:15,843
Perfect! Me, too!
269
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:20,113
Sounds like you got
yourself a real
grownup date, James.
270
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,915
Oh, no, no.
I was just practicing.
271
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,455
NIKKI: Carter!
You okay?
272
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,325
I'm fine.
273
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,393
Thank you.
274
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:34,594
I just need
a little space.
275
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:35,963
Why aren't you
wearing a suit?
276
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,999
Why? Does it
bother you that
I'm dressed this way?
277
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,802
Do I frighten you?
Do I intimidate you?
278
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,037
Little bit.
279
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,608
I'm sorry,
James.
280
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,844
Sorry, everybody.
I just, uh...
281
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,345
Just learned
an important lesson.
282
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,449
Doesn't matter
if I wear
an expensive suit...
283
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,419
Doesn't matter
if I have a fancy
degree,
284
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,288
a great job.
285
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,793
I swear when that cop
looked at me,
all he saw was Black.
286
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,161
Well, that cop's
a fool.
287
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:11,398
When I look at you,
I see a friend.
288
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,802
And I see a coworker.
289
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,270
But...
most importantly,
290
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,007
I see a big fruit.
291
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,482
(CHUCKLES)
Thanks a lot, Stuart.
292
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:33,020
That's the, uh,
first time
I've smiled all day.
293
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,621
Then I take it you weren't
strip-searched?
294
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:43,596
(PAUL THINKING)
Okay. Just smile
and say hi.
295
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:47,835
No! No, wait.
That'll seem like
you're trying really hard.
296
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,136
Don't say anything.
297
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,638
Ew! No! That's just
plain rude.
298
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:54,007
Maybe a wave,
small nod of the head.
299
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,977
Oh, who does that?
He'll just think
you're an idiot!
300
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,879
Oh, God,
he's almost here!
He's almost here!
301
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,581
Oh, you gotta think
of something! Uh...
302
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,118
Hello, Black man.
303
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,195
You wanted
to see me?
304
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,030
Yeah, yeah.
Come on in.
305
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,266
I understand
you were invited
to appear on
306
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,601
Good Morning America
tomorrow.
307
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:22,870
Please tell me
that's to share
308
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,404
your famous
peach cobbler recipe.
309
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:26,606
You want to know
my secret?
310
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:28,341
You add a little nutmeg,
a teaspoon of vanilla,
311
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,243
and a pinch of
racial indignation.
312
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,346
Can I just substitute
cinnamon for that?
313
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,884
Look, Carter,
we're a family here.
Okay?
314
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,418
Let's just deal
with this problem
315
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:41,054
the way any American
family handles a crisis.
316
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,322
Oh, and how is that?
317
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,591
Well, we sweep it
under the rug,
318
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,159
get drunk,
and don't talk about it.
319
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,629
Well, in my family,
we air out
all our differences.
320
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:51,464
Yeah, on national TV?
321
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,033
If it's a slow news day.
322
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:56,069
Look, Carter,
323
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,905
I'm not an idiot.
Okay?
324
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,540
I understand
what happened
to you today,
325
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,209
and I feel lousy
about it.
326
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,411
But I am still
the deputy mayor.
327
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,279
I gotta think about
the potential consequences.
328
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,215
Mike, you can't always
go right into damage control.
329
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,583
Sometimes,
you actually have
to fix things.
330
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:11,784
Fix racism?
331
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,387
Great. Okay,
tell you what, Carter.
332
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:17,724
You go out,
you grab some lunch,
you come back in 20 minutes,
333
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,192
I will have that
all wrapped up.
334
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,795
I got a better idea.
335
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:24,397
Why don't I just
bring you back a sandwich
from G ood Morning America?
336
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,133
I hear they put out
a real nice spread.
337
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,036
Carter,
you can't do this.
338
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,971
We've got an election
six months away.
339
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,305
All of our campaign
commercials
340
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,773
focus on our record
on crime.
341
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,108
Yeah, I've seen them.
342
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,945
The mayor and the campaign
mascot, Toby the Terrier.
343
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,646
Don't break the law,
kids. Woof.
344
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,815
Hey, people love
a cab driving dog.
345
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,586
Well, they do.
346
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:50,523
Paulie?
347
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:51,691
Oh, Claudia,
thank you for coming.
348
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,360
I hope I didn't
pull you away
from anything.
349
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:57,797
No. I've pretty much
been keeping to myself
since we broke up.
350
00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,400
Haven't been
dating anyone.
351
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,202
Do you realize
it's been six weeks
352
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,336
since we've seen
each other?
353
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,138
Wow. Six weeks, huh?
354
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,506
Doesn't it feel like
so much longer?
355
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,976
Yeah, yeah.
I would've said six
and a half, seven.
356
00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:12,279
So, Paulie,
357
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,981
you said it was
something that
couldn't wait.
358
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,216
There's something
that's been weighing
on me pretty heavily.
359
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,985
I was wondering
if I could ask
you a question.
360
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,286
The answer is yes.
361
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,121
You haven't even
heard the question
yet.
362
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,555
Oh,
Paul Thomas Lassiter,
363
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:25,158
you are so romantic,
but you're right.
364
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,095
I do need to hear you
say those words.
365
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:29,296
Do you think
I'm a racist?
366
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,598
Yes!
No. What?
367
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:32,832
Am I a bigot?
368
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,001
Isn't there
something else
369
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,202
you wanted to
ask me?
370
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:36,403
I'm telling you,
Claudia,
371
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,005
this is all
that's been on my mind.
372
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,772
And I took a cab
for this!
373
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:43,410
I promise,
if you answer me,
I'll pay for half.
374
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,778
No, Paul,
you are not a racist.
375
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,280
Oh, thank God.
376
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,649
Oh, what an angel
she is.
377
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,551
I wish I had her back.
378
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:57,590
You know, Mike,
I, too, have felt
the sting of prejudice.
379
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,661
Sir, you're a rich
white guy.
380
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,033
Not that
I'm criticizing you.
381
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:07,734
Hope to be one
myself someday.
382
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,738
I was an enormous
child, Mike,
383
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:13,740
a real porker.
384
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:18,411
You know what
the other children
called me?
385
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,415
Porker?
386
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:23,883
So, I've told you
this story?
387
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:27,520
I'm heading home, guys.
388
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,057
Oh, and you may want
to turn on your television.
389
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,693
It's an outrage
that a Black man
cannot take
390
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:34,827
a simple run
through the park
391
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,263
without being
suspected of a crime.
392
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,198
But that's the way it is.
393
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:40,967
I know there are people
out there who would rather
I swept this under the rug.
394
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,369
That's my line.
395
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,504
The truth is
what happened to me
396
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:45,938
happens to someone
every day,
397
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,074
and it's shameful.
398
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,575
Deputy mayor
Michael Flaherty
399
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,543
had these comments
earlier today.
400
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,445
Obviously, this is
an embarrassing situation
401
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:55,382
for everyone involved,
but please, let's not make
mountains out of molehills.
402
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,184
Okay?
403
00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:58,818
You guys believe
this weather we're having?
404
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,091
I can't believe
that's me.
405
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,725
Oh, I know
all about that, Mike.
406
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:09,229
You're here talking,
but you're also
there talking.
407
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,470
Very trippy stuff.
408
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:22,142
I mean, I can't believe
what I said.
409
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,543
I know, Mike.
410
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,878
(GROANS)
Ugh! I'm sorry.
411
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,947
Me, too, Michael.
412
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,296
NIKKI: You want to kiss
this woman.
413
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,198
You put your hand
on her thigh,
414
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,999
real soft touch.
415
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,638
Stop that.
It tickles. (LAUGHS)
416
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,273
I'm sorry.
I thought that
was my leg.
417
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:59,179
STACEY: You squeeze her thigh,
squeeze it hard.
418
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,284
Ow. What are
you doing?
419
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,953
I... I have
no idea.
420
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:10,957
I mean,
I like you so much.
421
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,026
I really wanted
this to go well.
422
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:16,196
Really?
423
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,265
Yeah.
424
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:20,300
STACEY: Women like strength.
425
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,068
Women like
tenderness.
426
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,170
Strength.
427
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,337
Tenderness.
428
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,838
James?
429
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:27,774
Ow!
430
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,310
Thanks, Nikki.
431
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:32,679
Who's Nikki?
432
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,689
Whatever he's having.
433
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,199
(HOARSELY)
And some water.
434
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:54,601
Thank you.
435
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,503
Mike, I want you to know
I expect two months'
severance pay,
436
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,004
and a letter
of recommendation.
437
00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:00,373
I'm not firing you,
Carter.
438
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,942
And I can still
get you that letter
of recommendation,
439
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,378
but I don't know
what you're gonna
use it for.
440
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,414
Unless you want
an invitation
441
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,516
to my mother's house
for Thanksgiving.
442
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,017
In which case,
I gotta warn you.
443
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:13,052
Uh, the conversation
is stilted,
444
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:16,088
and if you have
even one forkful
of her stuffing,
445
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,390
you're not gonna
have a bowel movement
446
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,758
until well
after Christmas.
447
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,828
I just came
to apologize.
448
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:28,435
I want to tell you
a little joke, Mike.
449
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:29,869
Anything to
lighten the mood.
450
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,805
What do you call
a brilliant heart surgeon
451
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,907
who happens
to be Black?
452
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,379
Nigger.
453
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,781
Not exactly
the tension breaker
I was looking for.
454
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,251
You ever tell
one of those jokes,
Mike?
455
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,553
Oh, come on, Carter.
How the hell can
you ask me that?
456
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,987
Ever laugh at one?
457
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,324
Maybe you didn't laugh.
458
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,426
Maybe you were on
a construction site
somewhere,
459
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,727
in a back room,
460
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:56,829
and you just
never said a word.
461
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,531
If we're gonna...
(CLEARS THROAT)
...make a list
462
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:01,268
of everything
I've done in my life
that I'm not proud of,
463
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,404
we'd better start
running a tab.
464
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,239
Actually,
you already did.
465
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,708
(CLEARS THROAT)
You bought me
a few drinks,
466
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,977
and a couple of rounds
for everybody in the bar.
467
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,414
Cut me some slack.
I thought I was fired.
468
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:22,755
All right,
the Flaherty tab is
now officially closed.
469
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,791
Hey!
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
470
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,526
And if you enjoyed
your drink,
471
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,461
remember, it's
a vote for Winston.
472
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,331
Gotta turn it off
sometime, Mike.
473
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,132
Yeah,
I'm working on it.
474
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,734
But right now,
you gotta believe me,
475
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,002
I'm just a guy
who needs to know
476
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,471
that he and friend
of his are okay.
477
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,973
You have no idea
what was taken
from me this morning.
478
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,877
How am I supposed
to feel safe?
479
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,079
Who do I trust?
480
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,482
You start
with your friends.
481
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,918
Are you my friend,
Mike?
482
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,455
All right,
I wasn't...
this morning.
483
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,491
But I think I am.
484
00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:02,362
Well, it's been
a big day.
(CLEARS THROAT)
485
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,332
I'm gonna need
a little time.
486
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:08,200
All right.
I understand.
487
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,205
So, are we good now?
488
00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:18,110
Never better, Mike.
I'll see you tomorrow.
489
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,851
* He's got the whole world
In his hands
490
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,920
* He's got the whole world
In his hands
491
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:30,957
* He's got the whole world
In his hands
492
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:34,060
* He's got the little bitty
Baby in his hands
493
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,096
* He's got the little bitty
Baby in his hands
494
00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:40,166
* He's got the little bitty
Baby in his hands
495
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:43,370
* He's got the whole world
In his hands
496
00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:46,439
* He's got the whole world
In his hands
497
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:49,842
* He's got the whole world
In his hands
498
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:52,979
* He's got the whole world
In his hands
499
00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:55,281
* He's got the whole world
In his
500
00:21:55,382 --> 00:21:59,586
* Hands
35478
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