Original subtitles

[Langdon humming]

- Okay Mr. Perkins, if you'd like to close your eyes for me.

This'll only take a minute.

- Okay.

- [whisper] Quietly, quietly.

Okay, Mr. Perkins, so I've got some of my colleagues here.

I take education very seriously.

That's why I cram as many medical students in here

as fire regulations allow.

I think I could have been an actor in a past life.

- Oh, oh God, okay.

- I have this uncanny ability

to really make the experience come alive for the kids.

Mr. Perkins please take a seat.

I'm afraid you have... herpes.

And scene. [sighs]

[students sigh]

- Langdon doesn't understand the concept of privacy.

When patients call he puts them on speakerphone,

he reads my emails and sometimes he likes to comes in

and have a chat when I want to do a poo.

- Sorry Stephy, got that pen I leant you?

It's, uh...

Ooh, thrush!

[upbeat music]

- Alright, next up is

Dad?

- G'day mate, how's it going?

Hey? - Yeah.

Good. - Good.

What are you, too much of a woolly woofter

to give your old man a hug, are ya? [laughs]

- So good to see you. - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's Dad.

He's got a sense of humor.

It is there.

- So, are you still uh, still playing with the willies

for a living are ya? [laughs]

No, seriously, are you?

Are you still playing with the willies for a living

because I've got a little problem with my [whistles].

[whistles more]

- Your penis.

- Yes.

- Well, it's...

- Terrific to see you too.

- It's, it's really good to see

...let's go in, let's ahh.

- Shall we?

- Well, yep, let's go this way.

[dad whistling]

- So what's up?

- Your mum, right, the other night,

she had a massive handful

and she reckons she found something

a little bit turgid in there.

So she reckons, she reckons I should come

and get the old testes checked out, so,

here I am.

- Right, well, I can get Steph to check that for you.

Steph.

- Why don't you do it you bloody dildo?

- No, it's fine.

She probably just can't hear me.

Steph.

Steph!

Steph!!

STEPH!!

Oh. Steph, glad you were just passing by, probably.

Dad here was just after you.

- What are you, too embarrassed

to fondle your old man's nuts are ya?

What's going on?

- Is this what it looks like?

- Nothing's happening.

It's just a son discussing

with his father a perfectly standard procedure.

So, Steph here is just going to look after you.

Right Steph?

- No, sorry, I've got, I've got something on.

- Something on?

Can you not have something on?

- No sorry, it's big.

Like, yeah, massive.

- Steph. - Let me check my calendar.

Um...

Yep, just as I thought.

Massive, sorry, yeah...

- All right.

Fine.

If everything makes sense you can start to strip Dad.

Steve, Steven.

Excuse us Steph.

- Oh, you're excused.

You're excused.

[door creaks]

[dad grunting]

[drum beat]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

- [putting on voice] Metropolitan Sexual?

Yes, hello.

I was wondering if there was a Mr. Philip Dudd there?

Yes, this is his wife.

- Hang on Mrs. Dudd.

Is there a Mr. Dudd here?

It's your wife.

[clattering]

[bell rings]

- And that's how you deal with understaffing.

[students murmur]

I thought so.

Okay, so what else have you guys not seen yet?

- Mammogram? - Okay.

- Crabs?

- Testes check.

- That's right, you haven't seen a testes check, have you?

There are some that say that I go too far on occasions.

Great work Amber.

- My name's Jade.

- Don't care.

And I find myself wondering,

how am I not always going further?

[throat clearing]

Come on in everybody.

Crowd round, yep, you can go in there.

In you get.

- Steph, what's happening?

- Oh, I heard you were doing a testes check on your dad.

And these guys haven't seen that done yet

so... here we are.

With your dad.

You don't mind, do you Steve?

No mate, if my nuts can help medical science, I am 110% in.

Let's do it.

- Yeah.

Great.

Good idea. [sighs]

- Oh my God.

Is he really about to check his dad's balls?

[students laughing]

- Daddy checker, daddy checker.

- Daddy checker, daddy checker,

daddy checker, daddy checker,

daddy checker, - I need to

daddy checker, - just grab,

daddy checker, - I think I left my pen

daddy checker. - in Steph's office!

[students laughing]

[drum beat]

[Langdon whimpering]

- Oh, hey Steph, just looking for that pen.

It's, um, it's ... there it is!

Good pen.

I wouldn't want to balls up my prescriptions.

- Okay, I went too far.

- It's okay, I get carried away sometimes.

- Yeah, you do.

But if it helps, if anyone can do this Langdon, it's you.

Okay, so... let me hear you say it.

I, Langdon Marsh, am going to fondle my dad's balls.

- I, Langdon Marsh, am going to fondle my dad's balls.

- What?

- I, Langdon Marsh, am going to fondle my dad's balls.

- Louder!

- I, Langdon Marsh, am going to fondle my dad's balls!

- Go on then, get him.

Oh, no, touching with the gloves on. [laughs]

- [recording] I, Langdon Marsh, am going to fondle my dad's balls!

- Oh, save that for a rainy day.

- Got the pen.

Now, let's check those balls.

Dad.

- Son.

[heavenly music]

- [encouraging] Daddy checker, daddy checker,

daddy checker, daddy checker, daddy checker,

daddy checker, daddy checker, daddy checker...

[emotional music swell]

[music stops]

Daddy checker, daddy checker.

- And scene!

[students cheering]

[dad laughing]

- Well done, mate. [laughs]

But yes, there was definitely a lump there.

[upbeat music]

- Here's a not-so-fun fact.

Testicular cancer is the most common cancer

affecting young men.

- So if you have testicles, give them a feel

and keep an eye out for anything that wasn't there before.

Like swelling or a lump.

- The most helpful thing for your doctor is

to know if something has changed,

which is why awareness is key.

- Do you check yours?

- Every day.

I'm checking them right now.

- Keen.

[upbeat music]