Original subtitles

[bell ringing]

[panting]

[grunting]

[more grunting]

- What are you doing?

- Oh, Gwen!

Didn't see you there.

Just jogged here.

New year, new me!

- It's October.

- Fitness, okay, isn't about being better than anybody else.

It's about being better than you used to be.

In here and in here.

More than anybody else.

[breathing heavily]

- I don't know how he does it.

He's always so chirpy.

[loud footsteps]

- Hey Langdon.

- Ran over your dog this morning.

- C'est la vie, Stephy!

Cul-de-sac!

I guess you'd call me a glass half full sorta guy.

I mean this morning I didn't even know I owned a dog.

[upbeat music]

- All right, next we have Greg.

- You the quack?

You listen to me mate.

You're gonna get on my chopper

and you're gonna come check on my boss.

You understand?

- Yeah, look I'm actually tied up all day

but I'm sure Dr Huddleston can help you.

- [imitating] "I'm sure Dr Huddleston can help you."

That's you!

[knocking]

- Stephy, how'd you like to do me a massive?

Can you take my next patient for me?

Big guy in leather.

- Oh sorry Langdon, busy day.

- Full schedule?

- Yeeap.

[slowly] Chock-a-block.

[door closes]

Greg's actually my cousin.

He's a member of Satan's Bitches.

I was meant to be looking after him today

but ever since Snuffles got put down

he's been kind of... on edge.

And if anything's gonna wipe that smile from Langdon's face

it's a visit to a bikie clubhouse.

[engine roaring]

[crowd laughter] [rock music]

- So, prostate cancer hey?

That's just... awful.

You know what they say.

Sticks and stones may break your bones

but prostate cancer will kill ya.

Dead!

- Ya bloody what??

- Nothing.

Just,

your boss,

he's not been going for his regular check-ups, I'm guessing.

- How do I know?

Who am I, his dickin' boyfriend?

- [laughs] Yeah, of course not.

[laughing]

- Anyway, are you saying it'd be wrong

if we were boyfriends?

- No!

- He is!

- No! - You are!

- No, no!

- [threatening] Aww...

- Any chance of another?

[glass shattering] [yelps]

- Here you go, sunshine.

[door slamming, silence]

Shit, the boss.

- You're drinking out of my glass.

[glass shattering]

- This is all fine, just fine.

[rock music] [glass shattering]

- So.

Tell it to me straight.

This whole... prostate business.

What's it all about?

- [clears throat] So,

the prostate is a compound tubuloalveolar exocrine gland

in the male genitourinary system--

- Whoa whoa whoa, I'm not a poet, right?

Simpler.

- Sorry.

So between your bladder and your rectum.

It's kind of--

- Shakespeare here! [laughing]

Simpler so we can ALL understand it.

- Ahh...

Your butt-- - Jesus, Aristotle.

We didn't all go to Cambridge, all right?

[Greg laughing]

- Layman's terms.

- Maybe we should just get on with the procedure?

- All right.

- All right, okay.

- Hang on a minute.

You're not gonna stick one of them fingers

up my [tongue clicks] reverse pie hole, are you?

- I...

I kinda have to.

- Ooh!

- One of those fingers so much as touches me,

I will personally kill you.

[rock music]

- I'm gonna die here.

Tell Steph.

Tell Steph, "C'est la vie".

- I can't believe you let Langdon

go to Satan's Bitches alone.

- Oh, he'll be all right.

- My uncle Julio,

he did some landscaping work for them once,

wound up in a cement mixer.

Just hope they take better care of Langdon

than they did uncle Julio.

- Am I worried?

Nah, Greg will look out for him.

Although he did let Snuffles die.

Weird name for a kid really, isn't it?

Snuffles.

- Well Mr Bruce, can I ask you,

do you have any trouble peeing?

- Well... yeah, I suppose.

- Well,

if you'd like me to help...

[Bruce grunts]

- All right.

Fellas, can I have a bit of dickin' privacy please?

- Sorry boss.

Come on boys.

Chop chop, let's get out of here.

Let's clear the area.

Good on you, that's all right.

- I'm sorry about that.

I've, I've gotta come across a bit

rough and toughie,

you know what I mean? In front of the fellas.

All right son, let's tear into it.

[clears throat]

- Don't you dare touch me.

[laughs] I'm joking, it's all good.

You tear into it. All right. Away you go.

- You are good, [laughs] you are really good.

- I will kill you.

[drum beat]

Okay Doc.

Tell 'em what you just told me.

- He's gonna be all right.

- You can put your hankies away, ladies.

I'm gonna be all right!

- [cheering] That a boy!

[group cheering] [lots of smashing glass]

- Hey!

Don't move.

We've gone too far.

- Yeah, way too far guys.

Come on.

Someone's gonna have to clean this up.

[giggling]

- You know it ahh... felt good to talk.

Never good to...

keep this stuff all bottled up, you know?

But mate I just want you to know

now that you know where this den is

if I see you again

I'm gonna have to kill you.

[laughing]

[Langdon laughing]

- But seriously, thanks.

But seriously,

I will kill you.

[car revving]

- Oh Langdon.

How'd it go?

- Yeah good, really good actually.

Lovely bunch of guys.

So understanding.

- Oh...

Oh and... Langdon.

It's good to see you.

[Langdon humming]

I guess I do need to take a page out of Langdon's book.

Try to be a bit more positive in life.

- I'm actually quite good friends with Greg now.

We follow each other on Insta.

I post photos of smashed avocado,

he posts photos of smashed skulls.

- Ohh, I'm an IOS guy myself.

- Um, cool.

- Yeah, yeah it's pretty good.

Ohh! G'day quack, how ya goin'?

You all right? You gonna come to the

clubhouse tonight or what, what's goin' on?

- Nah, actually I don't think I can.

Feeling a [coughing] bit under the weather.

Got a bit of a snuffle.

- Did you just say Snuffles?

- Like I say, nothing can keep this guy down.

[heavy breathing] [footsteps]

- Good, keep going.

Never doing this again.

[heavy breathing]

[sobbing]

[upbeat music]

- Like 'em or not

condoms are the only contraceptive

that also protect against STIs.

Like HIV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, and Hepatitis B.

- Sometimes people like to make up excuses

for not wearing them, like...

- "Condoms don't fit me."

- Which is a complete pile of... wrong.

- Condoms can hold up to 14 pints of beer.

So if your partner's bigger than that,

don't have sex with them.

- That's not human.

That's a monster.

- Run for your life!

[upbeat music]