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[upbeat saxophone music]
2
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,342
♪ ♪
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,677
Is the TV still broken?
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:14,097
If it wasn't,
I'd be watching it.
5
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,975
You know what that means,
Mayan.
6
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:24,065
Edward James Olmos Playhouse
presents "Chicano Minds."
7
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:26,609
Action!
8
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:30,739
Hey!
9
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:34,034
[in New York accent] I'm just
a regular pizza shop owner
10
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,495
who was havin'
a coffee and a walk
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00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:40,707
when I found
this body by the dumpster.
12
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:44,753
[toy squeaks]
13
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:50,592
Unlike your pizza,
this body is fresh.
14
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:54,888
Oh, no, man!
15
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,432
The lawyers don't come in till
after the commercial break.
16
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,560
You ruined Churro's
favorite show.
17
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,981
Quinten was interviewing
for a management position
18
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,608
at the Apple Store.
19
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,276
How did it go?
20
00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:11,863
I didn't get the job
because I'm too nice.
21
00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,240
They don't think I will
be assertive enough
22
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,825
with the employees.
23
00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:17,619
Fuhgeddaboudit!
24
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,915
That is so unfair.
25
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,167
Sounds like we're
not getting a new TV.
26
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:28,463
So without TV,
what are we gonna do?
27
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,757
We have to actually
talk to each other?
28
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,467
I'm gonna have to ask
questions that I don't
29
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,803
want to know the answers to?
30
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:38,765
Like, hey Quinten,
how was your day today?
31
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,058
Thank you for asking.
32
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,393
The stress of not
getting the job
33
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,852
is actually weighing
on me a lot.
34
00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,438
You see? It's torture.
35
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,608
[upbeat saxophone music]
36
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:55,573
♪ ♪
37
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,081
{\an8}[upbeat saxophone music]
38
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,792
{\an8}Guess who got a pumpkin
sticker on his math test?
39
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,170
{\an8}This guy.
40
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:13,299
{\an8}You squashed it, Gordo.
41
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,592
{\an8}Pumpkin sticker?
42
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:16,052
{\an8}When I was in school,
they only used
43
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:19,347
{\an8}two letter grades, D and F.
44
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,684
{\an8}Hey, secret handshake.
45
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,646
{\an8}both: Shau!
46
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:30,066
{\an8}I am such a cool mom.
47
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,359
{\an8}I wish I had
a pumpkin sticker.
48
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,194
{\an8}I would give it
to you right now.
49
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,865
{\an8}I'm heeere.
50
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,242
{\an8}My eeears.
51
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,663
{\an8}Mayan, I bought you
a little something,
52
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,708
{\an8}even though you never get
me anything,
53
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,710
{\an8}because that's
how selfless I am.
54
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,465
{\an8}Wow.
55
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:56,801
{\an8}Those are definitely heels.
56
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,511
{\an8}Now that you're not
working at the vet,
57
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,722
{\an8}you can start
dressing like a woman.
58
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:07,270
{\an8}This is so nice of you,
but I mostly wear sneakers.
59
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,646
{\an8}I know.
60
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,398
{\an8}They're making your feet fat.
61
00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:14,361
{\an8}You look like you're
standing on two speed bumps.
62
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,112
{\an8}I mean, if those patas
get any wider,
63
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:17,864
{\an8}you'll be able to stop traffic.
64
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,117
{\an8}Remember when she was little,
she'd run in the rain.
65
00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:22,744
{\an8}[imitating heavy footsteps]
66
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:25,538
{\an8}Keep roasting her, Rosie,
67
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,248
{\an8}'cause I got four hours
of TV to fill
68
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,709
{\an8}since Quinten failed
our family.
69
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,504
{\an8}Way to kick a guy
when he's down.
70
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:34,005
{\an8}What can I say?
I love to kick.
71
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,298
{\an8}I probably could have been
a Rockette right there.
72
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,591
{\an8}Ay!
73
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:41,846
{\an8}Look. Ignore him.
74
00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:42,972
{\an8}We'll figure this out.
75
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,432
{\an8}No, he's right.
76
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,600
{\an8}This promotion was
how I planned
77
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,976
{\an8}to provide for my family.
78
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:49,229
{\an8}So now I don't know
what we're gonna do.
79
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,647
{\an8}I do.
80
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,274
{\an8}I'm gonna knock the nice
right out of you.
81
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:55,068
{\an8}I'm gonna take you
to the most dangerous,
82
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:59,030
{\an8}ruthless, cutthroat place
in all of Los Angeles.
83
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,409
{\an8}The Trader Joe's parking lot?
84
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,579
{\an8}Okay, the second worst.
85
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,416
{\an8}I'm gonna take you
to the swap meet.
86
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,917
And while we're there,
we're gonna buy
87
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,210
a discount TV, huh?
88
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,087
Who knew that when we let
a gringo in the family
89
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,463
that he'd be the poor one?
90
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,301
You live with us.
91
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,555
They sell TVs
at the swap meet?
92
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,432
What brands?
- All of 'em.
93
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:28,184
Sham-sung,
94
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,895
So-Sony,
95
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,023
JV-si, JV-no.
96
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,943
The swap meet is
a great idea.
97
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,571
Chance and I can get a stall
and sell some of our things
98
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,947
to make some extra cash.
99
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,241
You can sell
your entire closet
100
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,036
of visually unappealing
garments.
101
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,998
Well, that should bring
in $5, $6 right there.
102
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,708
[both laugh]
103
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:54,878
[upbeat saxophone music]
104
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,796
♪ ♪
105
00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,924
Oh, man.
106
00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:01,301
Smell that?
107
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,303
The sweet smell
of tamales, cologne,
108
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,514
decorative blankets from
unlicensed movie characters.
109
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,809
There she is. That's Olga.
110
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:12,437
She sells the best TVs
in the entire swap meet.
111
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,939
And they're all compatible
with stolen cable.
112
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,150
Great.
Let's go.
113
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,318
Wait. Wait.
114
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,819
We're not ready.
115
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,321
She won't sell to me
because she knows
116
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,073
I drive such a hard bargain.
117
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,492
I thought it was because
you hit it and quit it.
118
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,329
Yeah, that too.
119
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:32,624
Well, I am sure that
I can get it from her.
120
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,043
I'm talking about the TV,
to be clear.
121
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,505
No means no, okay?
122
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,006
And you're not gonna find
anything better from here
123
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,425
to that guy over there selling
birth certificates.
124
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,886
All right? So a-di-ós.
125
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:50,058
Hello, small business owner,
the backbone of America.
126
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,143
How are you today?
127
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,020
I'm a single mom
spending my weekend
128
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,231
in a 90-degree parking lot
trying to feed my four kids.
129
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,525
How do you think I am?
130
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:01,361
It's nice to meet you too.
131
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,364
I--I would love to purchase
one of your beautiful TVs.
132
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,490
How much is that 55-inch?
133
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,033
$500.
134
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,702
All I have is 300.
135
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,328
Okay, well, since
you're being so polite--
136
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,538
Don't worry.
You know what?
137
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,123
I'm gonna go get the other 200,
138
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,959
and I will be back
in two shakes of a jiffy.
139
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:19,879
She said it was 500.
140
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,048
Can I borrow 200?
- That's full price.
141
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,093
For 500 bucks, you can
buy the whole swap meet!
142
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,096
Did you even try
to negotiate?
143
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,472
No.
144
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:30,890
She's a single mom
spending her weekend
145
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,393
in a 90-degree parking lot,
trying to feed four kids.
146
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,271
Boy, that woman speaks fast.
147
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:38,231
You have to negotiate.
148
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,526
When a dude like you
walks into the swap meet,
149
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:44,863
my people either see
a mark or a narc.
150
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,449
My middle name is Mark.
151
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,825
Oh.
152
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,495
Apple is right.
Maybe I am too soft.
153
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,080
Lucky for you,
154
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,916
the swap meet is where
every man learns to get hard.
155
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,920
You have to learn
to stand up for yourself, okay?
156
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,589
I have to trust that
you'll be able to take care
157
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:06,134
of my daughter and my grandson
and Churro
158
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,304
and Churro II
when that time comes.
159
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,389
You got a point, George.
160
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,016
This is about more than the TV.
161
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,559
It is about providing
for my family.
162
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,102
So I am all yours.
163
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,105
Make me hard.
164
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:24,944
Welcome to the
George Lopez Swap Meet
165
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:28,740
School of Negotiating
Bargaining School,
166
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,408
where you enter as
a soft baby blanket,
167
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:33,912
and you leave as
a rough, scratchy serape.
168
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,124
Olga's a tough negotiator,
so let's start small,
169
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,834
otherwise she'll
just tell you--
170
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,420
both: "A-di-ós."
171
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,298
Follow my lead.
172
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:48,843
Where's the vendor?
173
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,517
Bienvenidos.
174
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,602
Can I interest you
in an airbrushed T-shirt
175
00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,563
or perhaps this can of soup
that is actually a bong?
176
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:01,940
[inhales]
177
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,608
Get me the shirt that
says "That Bitch."
178
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:04,901
[clears throat]
179
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,821
How much will
"That Bitch" run me?
180
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,572
$30.
181
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,533
That sounds reasonable.
182
00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:12,992
What?
183
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:16,788
Wrong, man.
184
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,373
You want to feel the fabric.
185
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,958
Make the stank face.
186
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,626
Tu qieres que yo pague esto?
Por esto?
187
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,128
Nunca!
188
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,339
Then you offer him five.
189
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,383
- Would you take five?
- Five?
190
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:31,720
This is name-brand
Calvin Clown.
191
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,263
Fifteen, man.
192
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,807
Okay.
That sounds like that is--
193
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,101
God. Quit doing that!
194
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,354
Then you say, "I guess you
don't want to eat today."
195
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,149
And walk away--
196
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:46,317
slow, so he has time
to stop you.
197
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,034
All right.
198
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,535
I'll do it for five.
199
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,704
Then you grab the shirt,
throw $3 at him,
200
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,330
and we run the hell
out of here.
201
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,046
Good luck
with your drag show.
202
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,343
Another sale.
203
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,886
Secret handshake.
204
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,349
both: Shau!
205
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,978
But why are you selling
all the stuff Nana gave you?
206
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,147
Your nana and I have
different tastes.
207
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,524
Mine is contemporary casual,
208
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:30,111
and hers is tacky.
209
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:34,282
Like, where am I even supposed
to wear this,
210
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:37,118
to brunch
with an Egyptian pharaoh?
211
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,247
I'm here.
212
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,083
Mom.
213
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,293
What are you doing here?
214
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,212
I thought you were at church.
215
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,839
I figured you needed
a real saleswoman
216
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,966
to help sell those rags
you wear,
217
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,468
and the priest agreed.
218
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,888
Wait.
219
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:02,018
Is this the zebra-print
jumpsuit I got you?
220
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,187
And the tiger-print pants?
221
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,147
And the leopard-print
wrap dress?
222
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,068
Yep, we're selling
the whole zoo.
223
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,989
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going on a safari.
224
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,994
Why are you selling all
of the things I got you?
225
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,122
Do you not like them?
226
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,040
I was just saying
how I was gonna wear
227
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,459
this beautiful belt to brunch.
228
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,879
If you won't tell me
the truth, I know who will.
229
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,047
Chance!
230
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,425
Mommy thinks you're tacky.
231
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:34,884
Chance!
232
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,553
I can't lie to that woman.
233
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,222
She's got a direct line
to Jesus and Santa.
234
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,394
Mayan Isabel Lopez,
235
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,271
I can't believe
you've been lying
236
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,940
to me all of these years.
237
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,903
Thankfully, I'm young enough
to have another daughter.
238
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,990
[upbeat saxophone music]
239
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,284
Looks like Quinten is
finally getting
240
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,952
the hang of bargaining.
241
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,414
Quieres que pague esto?
Por esto?
242
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,665
Nunca.
243
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,669
2 bucks.
Take it or leave it.
244
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,338
It's your hat. Just take it.
245
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,466
I'm sorry.
246
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,221
I got this $10 hat for free.
247
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,848
Congratulations.
248
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,684
You got everything on my list
for under 20 bucks.
249
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,146
You have leveled up
from a Mark to a Marcos.
250
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,483
Marcos is a guy who provides
for his family,
251
00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,651
who smells like
expired Aqua Velva
252
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,362
that he got for half price.
253
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,531
Yeah. So I got the hat,
254
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,950
the shirt, the wig,
255
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,119
the glasses,
256
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,330
the puka shell necklace.
257
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:48,792
I rocked some of those
babies at Woodstock '99,
258
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,002
the real Woodstock.
259
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,713
Okay.
Well, that's all I'm buying.
260
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,465
I am done taking advantage
of hardworking people
261
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,300
who are just trying
to make ends meet.
262
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,802
I want to take care
of my family,
263
00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,470
but not if it means hurting
other people's families.
264
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,180
I thought you might say that.
265
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,984
That's why I had you buy me
all that stuff on the list,
266
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,487
because sometimes you have
to step outside who you are
267
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,531
and put on a wig
to get what you want.
268
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,828
Olga won't sell to George,
269
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:28,790
but she will sell
to Matteo McConaughey here.
270
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,168
[in surfer voice]
All right. All right.
271
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,712
All right.
272
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,463
[upbeat saxophone music]
273
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,343
[upbeat saxophone music]
274
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,761
Please don't do this, George.
275
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:45,432
Olga has been through enough,
having slept with you.
276
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,183
We didn't sleep together.
277
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,768
We made love.
278
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:54,190
Now watch the swap meet king
do his thing.
279
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:56,693
Okay.
Hey, listen.
280
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:57,944
If you're not gonna
buy something,
281
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,154
quit blocking my stall.
282
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,656
Get to shopping or a-di-ós.
283
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,827
[in surfer voice]
Oh, my God. Hi.
284
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:11,750
How much for this totally
tubular flat screen?
285
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,502
$500, bitch.
286
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,755
What?
287
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:19,466
Wow, man. That's wild.
288
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,301
What, does it come
with a concierge
289
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,511
to help you change the channel?
290
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,930
[high-pitched laughter]
291
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,433
One-hundy.
292
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,310
Yeah. One-hundy is
not gonna feed my four kids
293
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,644
and little Flaco over there.
294
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,191
Oh, what an adorable puppy.
295
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,525
He's 21 today.
296
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:40,153
I'm gonna take him
for a beer after work.
297
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,738
It's his birthday?
298
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,699
{\an8}Oh, happy birthday,
little Flaco.
299
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,412
Oh, he likes you,
which means I like you.
300
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:52,540
Okay, I'll sell you
that TV for 300 bucks.
301
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,209
Nunca.
302
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,420
We want this TV right here.
303
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,838
It's the end of the day.
304
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,632
So you can either carry
this TV home
305
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:03,718
or you can carry my hundy
and your fat dog.
306
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,765
Let's just take
the $300 one, okay?
307
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,392
I can afford it.
She makes a profit.
308
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:11,810
It's just as good.
309
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,312
It's 3 inches smaller.
310
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,939
Of course you'd think
it'd be just as good.
311
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,904
Well, what do you say, lad-ay?
312
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,532
Fine. 100.
313
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,033
But only 'cause it
seems like something
314
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,411
ain't right with you.
315
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:32,622
If being me is wrong,
I don't want to be right.
316
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,875
[upbeat saxophone music]
317
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,586
Nana isn't answering
her phone.
318
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,714
I shouldn't have lied to her.
319
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,549
It's always better
to be honest.
320
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,679
I hate our secret handshake.
321
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:48,638
What?
322
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,390
I liked it when I was eight.
323
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,601
But now that I'm 8 1/2,
it's cringe.
324
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,563
I can't believe
you're saying this.
325
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,481
You said to be honest.
326
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,567
But it always looks like
you're having so much fun.
327
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:03,028
You mean like this?
328
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,404
Shau!
329
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,864
It was fake.
330
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,951
[upbeat saxophone music]
331
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,790
I can't believe you
got this TV for $100.
332
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:18,793
A deal this good--
maybe I really am that bitch.
333
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:23,840
I don't know how you
can feel proud of this.
334
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,759
Olga only took your offer
because she was desperate
335
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,635
to feed her starving children.
336
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,888
If they're eating as good
as that dog, they'll be fine.
337
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:32,599
But you know what?
338
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,893
You just failed
the George Lopez Swap Meet
339
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:39,314
School of Negotiating
Bargaining School,
340
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,316
where nice guys finish last
341
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:44,652
and George Lopez finishes
numero uno, baby!
342
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:02,712
You paid $100
for bricks, man.
343
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:06,049
Oh, how the mighty
swap meet king has fallen.
344
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:09,594
Get out.
345
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:12,847
There's a note.
346
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,522
"I knew it was you,
George Lopez."
347
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,484
"I'm much better
at screwing you
348
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:25,985
than you are at screwing me."
349
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,112
Oh.
350
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:34,369
I guess Olga wasn't a fan
of you finishing first.
351
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,420
Oh, I can't believe this.
352
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,213
You made me take
advantage of people,
353
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,799
and all we have to show
for it is a pile of bricks.
354
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,720
Wait a minute.
355
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,971
We made some good
memories today.
356
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,015
I mean, that's
not worth nothing.
357
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,141
No, George.
358
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:57,767
All you taught me was
359
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,853
to feel bad about
being a good person.
360
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,063
You are just like
my Apple Store boss.
361
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:06,568
You think that my kindness
and empathy makes me weak.
362
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,820
But those are my strengths.
363
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:11,364
I am not a scratchy serape!
364
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,616
I am a proud baby blanket,
365
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,702
swaddling his family
in comfort,
366
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,537
and you're an ass!
367
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,885
That's what I'm talking
about right there!
368
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:32,927
What?
369
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,347
No!
370
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,849
Be devastated by my words!
371
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:41,853
This is the Quinten that's
gonna get promoted.
372
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,314
Congratulations.
373
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:47,525
You graduated from the
George Lopez Confidence School
374
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,861
of Building Ego School.
375
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,032
You're literally insane.
376
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,534
Am I?
377
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:02,374
[upbeat saxophone music]
378
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,835
I don't want to see
your mom right now.
379
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,754
I'm giving her
the silent treatment.
380
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:11,257
If I'm here, I'll be forced
to criticize something.
381
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,220
Don't worry.
She's not here right now.
382
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,721
But you know who is?
383
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:18,848
This fashionista!
384
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:26,189
You better work, Mommy.
385
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:31,778
I assume you're mocking me
in that fabulous outfit
386
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,031
that accentuates your curves
in all the right places.
387
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,537
I'm not mocking you.
388
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:41,955
I'm trying to apologize.
389
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,957
I should have told you
the truth.
390
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,834
Chance did the same
thing to me.
391
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,919
He hates our secret handshake.
392
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,589
Oh, Mayan.
393
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:55,593
I knew karma would
be fast and swift.
394
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:01,808
Honey, it's natural to want
395
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,394
to share the things you love
with your child.
396
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,187
That's how you bond.
397
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,939
So you bought me
all those outfits
398
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,649
because you wanted
to be close to me,
399
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,776
not because you think
I have bad taste.
400
00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:17,282
Two things can be true.
401
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:19,951
[upbeat saxophone music]
402
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,457
Mute the bricks.
I got news.
403
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:29,753
I had a little sit-down with my
boss at the Apple Store today,
404
00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:32,255
and I let him know
if they did not promote me,
405
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:33,590
I was gonna walk.
406
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,425
That's amazing.
407
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,634
Oh, unless they fired you.
408
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:37,969
No.
409
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,721
He said that was exactly
the kind of confidence
410
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,348
he was hoping to see
out of someone applying
411
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,599
for the management position.
412
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:46,061
And he gave me
the job on the spot!
413
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:47,187
Yeah!
414
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,691
Confidence, you say?
415
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,945
And who, pray tell,
416
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,323
imbued you
with such confidence?
417
00:19:58,323 --> 00:19:59,783
Watch out. Oh.
418
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,660
Yes.
I hate to admit it,
419
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,454
but I did learn something
about negotiating
420
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,289
from you, George.
421
00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:10,126
I'm proud of you,
and so are your ancestors.
422
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,711
Right now,
they're looking down on you,
423
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,046
and they're saying--
424
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,090
[in Irish accent]
Look at that wee lad, Quinten.
425
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,803
Finally bringing home that
we bit of pot of gold now.
426
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:22,806
[upbeat saxophone music]
427
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:24,474
♪ ♪
428
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:28,186
It's time for "The Real
Housewives of East LA."
429
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:32,273
God broke the mold,
the machine,
430
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:35,735
and the factory
when he made me.
431
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,948
Don't act like
you don't know.
432
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:42,117
I'm America's mijo.
433
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,580
I live in
the back of a truck,
434
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,958
and this avocado is my dinner.
435
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:56,131
{\an8}Look what the newest
Apple Store manager
436
00:20:56,131 --> 00:20:58,174
{\an8}bought with his first paycheck.
437
00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,175
{\an8}Yep.
438
00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:04,014
{\an8}I went back to Olga,
and she gave me a great deal
439
00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:06,975
{\an8}on a genuine Mitsu-beats-me.
440
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:10,478
{\an8}Don't care.
I'm watching my stories,
441
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,480
{\an8}and they're about to fight.
442
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,524
{\an8}Don't talk about my husband.
443
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:17,527
{\an8}Girl, he won't be
your husband for long.
444
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,029
{\an8}- Ooh!
- Ahh!
445
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,575
{\an8}Don't make me slap
the feeling
446
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:24,951
{\an8}right out your face!
447
00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:28,955
{\an8}You know what?
Let's set this thing up.
31686
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