Original subtitles

Come on, you freak! Chug!

Spanky and I are such good buds,

We're always playing these fun little games of chance.

Ha ha ha!

Quiet down!

Can't you see I'm busy over here?

But captain hero never wants to play.

He just wants to stare at that poster.

Oh, yeah. Don't stop.

You know daddy likes it all wet.

You know, at first I was uncomfortable

With the idea of showering with another woman,

But then the producers forced me.

Hey foxxy, pass me the loofah?

Sure thing baby.

Uhh! Mmm!

Oh yeah, turn around. Let me see that ass.

Oh! Now I can't see your boobies.

[giggling]

Move over girls.

Foxxy! Clara! Watch out!

There's a rhinoceros loose in the bathroom!

How dare you look at us naked with your x-ray vision!

Seriously, how dare you.

I'm leaving.

By which I mean the planet.

Unless things change, people.

Unless things change.

While you sat there watching us naked,

Did you ever even for just one second

Consider me attractive?

Oh, sure. There's an attraction.

I mean, you have a certain,

What's the word, gravitational pull.

[mocking] ha ha ha.

You're so funny.

[yelling japanese]

Well, hero, I knew what you was up to.

You knew?

Oh, so that's why you shaved your pubes to read.

Hi captain hero. What's up?

I bet you like what you see, huh?

Yeah baby, use that x-ray vision to check me out.

That's right. Uh-huh.

You can look but you can't touch.

Oh yeah, foxxy likes to tease you, but never please you.

I know this is off topic,

But if you happen to run to the store,

Can you get me some onions?

I'm going to make a salad tonight

And the only thing I'm missing are onions.

And maybe some plum tomatoes, but only if they look good.

Otherwise, skip it and I'll go to the farmer's market later.

Actually, that's what I'll do anyway.

Now where were we?

Oh yeah, you were checking me out.

You're a naughty---

Nd then I guess you ran out of room.

Actually, the rest is shaved into the other side.

[imitates cat purring]

You guys disgust me.

Sure, clara was pissed and toot was fat, but screw them!

Foxxy was totally into it, so I focused all my attention on her.

I found I was even turned on

Watching her do the most boring, mundane activities.

Even watching foxxy ride a mechanical bull became oddly sexual.

Yee-haw!

[bull bellows]

I told you not in the hair. I got a date tonight.

And then, as with every sexual experience,

Something went terribly wrong.

Ohh!!

Foxxy, what's the matter?

There's a ma-dance. Captain his ass off.

I'm sorry, foxxy. I don't speak blackanese.

No, you adezel. I think I'm a hizzle a stroke.

Call 9-1-wizzle.

Oh!

Ooh.

Ooh. Ohh.

[door opens]

Hmm?

I guess it goes without saying,

I wasn't about to sling some yogurt on an unconscious woman's feet.

Come on! We gotta do something!

Foxxy's having a stroke!

Did someone call for a doctor?

Wheeeee!

Hmm. Ah, curious.

[passes gas]

Oh my.

What is it doc?

My dear housemates, I'm afraid foxxy love does not have a brain tumor.

[sighing together]

I too would be relieved, if it didn't happen to be...

Opposite day!

[ominous music plays]

So wait a minute, I'm confused.

Does foxxy have a brain tumor?

No.

[ominous music plays]

What the hell! Is it opposite day or dramatic music sting day?

Neither.

[ominous music plays]

[moaning]

I thought cancer was called "the silent killer".

Doctor how could this have happened?

No clue.

Sadly, the medical community doesn't do any research on tumors.

Really?

I thought jesus gave people tumors

From marrying outside their race.

[whispers] I'm with you jesus. Keep up the good work.

You know, some warriors have gotten tumors

From the extreme radiation on level gimmel.

Radiation can cause tumors.

Hmm, you mean like from...

X-ray vision?

[all gasping]

Wait! You don't think I---

I couldn't have.

Oh my god! Oh my god!

No!

[crying]

Don't beat yourself up over this, captain hero.

It's not like foxxy wasn't asking for a brain tumor.

What with her loose morals and skimpy outfits.

Don't you think I know that?

But for some reason I can't help but feel partially responsible.

I didn't deserve to keep my powers

Or that little league trophy.

They gave them to everyone.

I now know what I must do.

I had to return to the pillow fort of isolation

And give up all my great powers,

So they'll never harm another ever again.

And this everyone knows there's only one way a super hero can give up his powers.

While foxxy lay there unconscious,

Desperately clinging to life,

We decided to cheer her up by playing her favorite game.

Come on foxxy! You know this one!

It's a movie!

It's one word!

It's about a hideous, remorseless beast!

[chimes] time's up.

It's yentl! Yentl!

You suck!

[banjo playing] ooh! The ghostes! They's after me!

Feets don't fail me now! Ooh!

What the fuck was that?

Foxxy's resting comfortably.

Uhh! Now what's wrong with little miss tumor-for-attention?

Don't know. I just can't figure it out.

Are you sure you can't figure it out?

Oh yes, I think I'm remembering now.

I needed a cadaver to help explain this strange foxxy phenomenon.

Luckily, there's lots of homeless people in the neighborhood who need 5 bucks.

Meet mr. Edward goldberg.

¶ la la-la la la-la, mm-hmm ¶

Boys and girls, the brain.

Here we see the part of the brain responsible for your reflexes.

[squeaks]

And here's the part of the brain that controls your bladder.

Oh man. That guy needs to see a doctor.

Why? Is red pee bad?

What the heck does this have to do with foxxy?

I'm getting to that.

This is the part of the brain that controls negative stereotypical behavior.

Oy! I'll sue you for every penny!

And then I'll invest it wisely.

Now, the tumor that captain hero gave foxxy

Is placing pressure on that lobe.

Hence, foxxy is now acting like a racist stereotype.

Oh my goodness!

Wait. What was she before?

Tumor? Racism?

[scoffs]

Dr. Wooldoor, are you just making up words again,

Like "morbid obesity" or "adult onset diabetes"?

Yeah, this all sounds like total crap.

Craps? Who done say craps?

Foxxy loves to roll them bones.

Oh...My...God.

This is the best news I've ever heard!

We're living with a shuckin', jivin', racist stereotype.

How could this possibly get any better?

I have returned.

[heavy exhale]

Oh my god!

[screaming happily]

Foxxy's a minstrel,

Captain hero's in a wheelchair...

[passes gas]

I just crapped myself... It's the holy freakin' trinity!

¶ mama's little baby loves short'nin', short'nin'¶

¶ mama's little baby loves short'nin' bread¶

¶ mama's little baby loves short'nin', short'nin'¶

¶ mama's little baby loves short'nin' bread¶

While I couldn't understand word foxxy said,

I knew she was grateful for the ultimate sacrifice I had made for her.

I wanted to share my feelings.

But, unfortunately, the confessional wasn't wheelchair accessible.

Uhh! Uhh!

Do you need help with that?

[groaning] no. No. No.

I've got to learn to do things for myself now.

Uhh! Uhh!

Damn! Now my pants are all wet.

But the container didn't open.

I know.

All right, so things weren't gonna be perfect,

But I was still confident I had done the right thing.

I'd made sure the people around me were safe.

[men yelling & windows breaking] aah! Aah! [cat screeches]

We're here to capture foxxy love.

Great goobly-moogly.

We got her, men. Move! Move! Move!

No, wait! Who are you guys? Get away from her!

Help me! Help me, please!

I'm free!

Ain't you done heard of the emancipossumlocomotion?

Oh no! Hey! Down!

Oh! No! Oh!

[pop]

Lordy!

Captain hero, do something!

I can't. I gave up my powers.

No!

[sobbing] the horror! The horror!

She was my favorite joke ever!

Ohh! This was all my fault.

I'm the worst super hero ever.

I'm useless.

I might as well just roll into the pool and drown myself.

[large exhale]

[thump] [thump] [thump]

Oh.

I might as well roll into the garage and poison myself with carbon monoxide.

[large exhale] [clink]

[clink] oh.

[large exhale]

I'll just be in the corner.

[large exhale]

[narrating] I was about to give up all hope, but then I noticed something.

I had looked through that poster a million times before,

But that was the first time I really saw it.

I will hang in there, baby. I will hang in there.

[large exhale]

Everyone, I'm off to save foxxy.

But you're in a wheelchair. Society no longer values you.

And even if they did, you don't know where they've taken foxxy.

We're on a reality show. Uh, duh!

We'll just watch our program to see where she is.

Turn on the t-v, gay friend.

Turn on the t-v, gay friend.

I like this show.

Hey, there's foxxy. Turn it up.

Ooh! Now you be foxxy love. Ain't that right?

Yes, sir. [zipper closes]

Why'd they throw us in this here truck?

They be roundin' up all us politically incorrect cartoons.

Oh, back in da day, we wuz all over the radio,

The t-b and the movies entertainin' the chid'ren.

Folks is just as racist now, you know,

But they don't wants to admit it.

So we's been censored.

We ain't been seen in a toons age.

So where's they fixin' to take us?

Well, brer foxxy,

They be takin' us to a cartoon erasement camp,

Where they're gonna erase us forever.

Oh my god! They're gonna erase foxxy.

We have to do something.

There's nothing we can do. That place is more guarded than my father's affections.

Damn it, people! Foxxy's in trouble.

Now is the time for us to stand up...

Or remain courageously seated, and be the heroes I know we can be.

So who's with me?

There's an orange julius on the way.

I'm in! Let's go!

They really are a delicious treat.

Let's go friends. Go!

[large exhale]

[large exhale]

[large exhale]

[large exhale]

Okay, I'm just gonna push you.

The trek to the erasement camp was long and arduous.

We lost many cameramen in the dark forest,

And two to super shrimp Thursday at long john silver.

Ugh. It's locked.

No!

What are we gonna do?

Stand back, everyone. I'll ram into the door and knock it down.

[large exhale]

Ohh!

[dazed] stand back everyone. I'll ram into the door and knock it down.

[deep inhale]

[large exhale]

Ohh!

[slurred] stand door, every ram. I'll melatonin.

[deep inhale]

[large exhale]

Aahh!

You did it! - nice going!

You're handicapable.

Now follow me.

[large exhale]

No!

No!

No!

Ling-ling and I stayed behind to find a cure for foxxy's condition, and my alzheimer's.

And to find a cure for foxxy's condition.

That's why I stayed behind with ling-ling.

My son never calls.

Well, ling-ling, I found some of foxxy's hair on her soap.

With the d-n-a, we should be able to produce a clone.

[speaking japanese]

Every day, ling-ling. Every day.

[large exhale]

I did it. I did it!

[bell rings]

Wow! Hero you beat us. You're handicapable.

Oh my god. Look!

This must be where they keep all the censored cartoons.

Foxxy's gotta be around here somewhere.

[large exhale]

Oh man. This is gonna be rich.

[mexican accent] "hey senor. What's your hurry?

It's siesta time. I think."

Classic!

[gong chimes] ah, so. Ah, so.

[gong chimes] ah, so. Ah. So.

[gong chimes]

Ha ha! Another classic.

[native american chanting]

See, that's not funny. Those people got a raw deal.

[together] ¶all the doodah day¶

¶camptown ladies sing this song, doodah, doodah¶

Ha ha ha ha! Now that's more like it.

Hey, xandir,

I'll create a diversion, and you take care of that son of a bitch.

Hey, mister.

I got into my daddy's liquor cabinet, and now I don't know right from wrong.

Hyah!

Ow!

Oh, you like punching me in the face, do ya's?

Well how do you like this?

Ow!

Oh, you like pulling my hair, do ya's?

Well, how do ya like this?

Oh, you like setting off the alarm to warn the others, do ya's?

Well, how do you like this?

[alarm blaring]

[dogs barking] freeze!

[groaning]

Yes, yes. It's working. It's working!

You ask me if I have a god complex.

I am god.

[evil laugh]

Kill me! - uh-oh.

Aahh!

[speaking japanese]

[heavy breathing]

Oh my god. It's m- mouse.

I should have known you were behind this, mickey m-.

You'll never get away with it!

Ha ha ha! You kids thought you could stop me?

No one can stop me.

Soon I will eradicate every offensive cartoon in the universe,

Until it's the happiest place on earth.

[steam hissing]

Oh my god! You're gonna kill them?

You can't do this--

Freeze!

[sighs] don't you see?

These cartoon characters are part of our history, our heritage.

Sure, they may not be a part we're particularly proud of,

But to deny it, well, that's dangerous.

As dangerous as denying the holocaust or slavery, or...

The playful advances of your shop teacher.

Wow. You've really given me something to think about spanky...

While I kill these politically incorrect freaks! Ha ha ha!

I regret nothing!

Help me! Help me, please!

Somebody, help foxxy!

Finally, it was my chance to save foxxy, and in doing so, save myself.

Failure was not an option.

Unfortunately, neither was walking.

[whimpers] oh, lordy. Oh, lordy.

Ohh! Ahh!

No!

Help me! Help me, please!

Foxxy?

My feets. My feets. They's failing me now.

I'm here foxxy. Don't worry.

[cracking]

Oopsy-daisy.

[screams] I regret nothin', no how!

[sniffles] I can't believe foxxy love is gone.

She's become another inner city statistic.

[evil laugh]

No!

[deep inhale]

[large exhale]

Captain hero, where are you going?

He's trying the ol' spin the earth backwards to turn back time trick from superman 1.

Or superman 2.

Or was it superman 3?

Or was it superman 3?

Or superman 2?

Or superman 1?

Capt. Hero: aah!

I guess I spun the earth backwards a little too hard.

I mean, right up to the big bang, which wasn't really all that big.

And now...

[whispers] we wait.

Announcer: next millennium on drawn together.

Capt. Hero: I learned an important lesson.

That it's not cool to use my powers to check out the babes,

But it's totally cool to manipulate evolution.

Boob. Boob. Boob. Boob. Boob. Boob. Boob.

Damn it!

I just realized...

I'm an ass man.

No!

Captioned by the national captioning institute