Original subtitles

Wooldoor: ooh, guys, guys, guys,

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!

Ha ha ha! Oh, I love this!

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys--

[bell chimes]

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys,

Ha ha ha! Guys, guys, guys!

What? What are you--

[bell chimes]

What the hell is wrong with you?

Aah!

Your head is freaking me out, man!

What's that?

What? Oh.

We got a note from the producers.

We're having a grocery competition.

Grocery competition? Note?

Getting cocky?

We have to fight for our food now?

These competitions are bull-toot.

My head's still all woozy

From losing the oxygen competition.

[gasping]

[laughing]

For the food competition, we were split into 2 teams.

The winners would eat like kings,

But the losers would get no food at all

And surely starve like mexicans.

I'm gonna try real hard to win for us, mr. Ham.

I promise, I won't disappoint you.

Shut up, retard.

Enough with the pep talk, wooldoor.

Remember, your ass is on the line.

Really? Aah! Ooh! Hee hee!

Hello? Ha! Hello?

[fart]

Oh, hey, thanks. Yeah, i'll try my best.

[pfft]

Oh, come on. Don't make me say it.

Everyone's listening.

[pffft]

Fine. I--I love you, too.

If you love it so much, why don't you just marry it?

The truth is, we were married for a brief time,

But one day she gave birth

To something that looked nothing like me,

And then jealousy reared its ugly head.

You going down, foxxy.

That is, after we kick your ass in the competition.

You don't know who you messing with,

So you best check yourself.

What? I'm a superhero, missy,

And I don't check myself!

Not for you, not for ticks,

And not for melanoma.

Captain hero: our team had to invent a low-carb cure for polio

Before the other team could put an egg in a bucket.

It seems that every week my team gets the easier challenge.

It also seems that every week

I blow the producers.

Ready, set, go!

Ow!

[dramatic music plays]

[buzzer]

[buzzer]

[gasping and straining]

[buzzer]

Ohh! Ohh!

For the love of allah, who's great and merciful,

Haven't you gotten rid of that polio yet?!

But, spanky--

Toot: we won! We won!

We put the egg in the bucket!

Ah ha ha!

Yeah! Yeah!

Fantastic. No food for a week.

And when I don't eat, I don't crap.

And when I don't crap, I don't eat.

Oh, you are so dead, wooldork!

Oh, spanky was right. I blew it.

And now I was dead. Dead!

Why couldn't I get rid of my polio faster?

I suck!

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

[stumbles]

[glass breaks] aah!

[bones cracking]

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Spanky: team "a" won the grocery competition

And more food than they knew what to do with.

Meanwhile, we weren't allowed to eat a damn thing.

[flies buzzing]

[stomach gurgles]

Quit starving so loud, sockbutt!

We wouldn't even be in this mess

If it weren't for you.

Karate! Ha-cha!

[sobbing] mommy!

I was so, so, terribly hungry.

Oh, captain hero?

You want a bite of my delicious po' boy?

[bones creaking]

No, no, no.

You got to say "pretty please

With a foxxy on top."

I've never bowed to any villain

Or any asian person,

Even thought it's the polite thing to do.

And I won't bow to foxxy!

I will not.

I'm a superhero, damn it.

I have my dignity.

I was so happy.

With an unlimited supply of food,

I could finally fill the loveless void inside of me.

[giggles] toot.

[chewing]

[growls]

[wooldoor crying]

Wooldoor, what's the matter?

Spanky said my stomach was making too much noise

So he put it up in that cactus.

Oh, wooldoor, spanky's just a bully.

You have to stand up to him.

I do?

¶ bullies are people who hate themselves ¶

¶ abused at age 6 or molested at 12 ¶

¶ so they pick on others ¶

¶ isn't it odd? ¶

¶ because their real quarrel is with god ¶

¶ who's afraid of a bully? ¶

¶ me ¶

¶ not me ¶

¶ for there are much better things ¶

¶ to be frightened of ¶

¶ like people of color ¶

¶ and gay homo love ¶

¶ so stand up to the bully ¶

¶ stand tall and true ¶

¶ just like jesus stood up to those misguided jews ¶

Wow!

You're right!

¶ now who's afraid of a bully? ¶

¶ not me ¶

¶ no, not me ¶

¶ when you stand up to that bully ¶

¶ he'll flee ¶

¶ oh, yes, he'll flee ¶

¶ like the pathetic, insecure cowardly loser he be ¶

Thanks, clara.

I will stand up to spanky!

[ominous music plays]

Captain hero: my super stomach was super distended.

So, I decided to put aside my pride

And my mildly amusing elephant underwear

And return to foxxy.

Foxxy, i'm ready to say

Pretty please with foxxy on top.

[scoffs] sorry.

That offer, like my library card, has expired.

Now you gonna have to do a lot more

Than say "pretty please."

[swallows] mmm!

That chocolate, child, that is sanctified.

Very well.

Tell me what I must do.

[whimpers]

[burlesque music playing]

[crying]

All right, enough! I'm done with yo ass.

Go clean yourself up. You disgust me.

[sobbing]

[crunch]

[sobbing]

Hee hee hee!

Xandir: we were all enjoying the food we won,

But toot was gobbling it up like a calnack beast

On level blargon.

[chuckles] that's a little joke I tell.

[deep voice] ho ho ho ho!

Pass me the han solo.

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

Aah!

Look at me.

I'm so fat. I'm disgusting!

Oh, pshaw.

You're not morbidly obese, honey.

[speaking japanese]

[crying]

Seeing the woodland creatures appear

During clara's song gave me an idea.

Just get her royal heinie to sing again.

I'll trap the critters,

And we'll eat like dingoes in a maternity ward!

But those critters are clara's friends.

I'm not asking you, wooldouche.

I'm telling you.

[scared] c-c-clara says s-s-stand--

J-j-jews.

F-f-flee.

Just do it or you'll be lying

At my feet in a pool of your own blood

And my urine,

Which also has blood, but it's my blood!

Um...Clara?

[swallows]

Spanky's still bullying me.

Could you sing me your song again?

Of course.

What are dear and faithful friends for?

¶ bullies are people who hate themselves ¶

¶ abused at age 6 or molested at 12 ¶

¶ so they pick on others, isn't it odd? ¶

[bell rings]

[xylophone chiming]

[raspberry]

¶ because their real quarrel ¶

¶ is with god ¶

Foxxy, it's me.

I knew you'd come crawling back.

Yeah, well, just for a sandwich.

Heh heh heh. Yeah, just for a sandwich.

And what else?

And some mustard.

And?

And--

And more abuse and humiliation.

And maybe a pickle?

Now, I don't know if it's my need to break men

Or captain hero's inbreakanability,

But foxxy love was feeling things

She never felt before.

Was it love?

¶ let me love you tonight ¶

¶ there's a million stars in the sky ¶

Ooh-hoo!

¶ let me love you tonight ¶

¶ i'll make everything ¶

¶ let me love you tonight ¶

¶ there's a million stars in the sky ¶

Oh, yeah. ¶ let me love you... ¶

Xandir: poor toot was feeling fat and sad.

It was up to me to help her feel better

About her disgusting, revolting, and hideous body.

Toot: ow!

I worked on toot with that lipo machine

For, like, hours, but to no effect.

It didn't make any sense.

I don't--

The fat just keeps coming.

So much fat.

Xandir: ok, the lipo didn't work,

But I wasn't about to give up.

I remembered, years ago, when I was too heavy

To make it through the dungeon of horrors,

I had to lose some weight and fast.

So, I put my sword down my throat

Like this.

I don't have much of a gag reflex anymore,

But if you do that with your fingers,

You'll totally barf and lose weight.

Well, I guess if I put them in pepe le pew,

They can go in my mouth.

You were with pepe?

[gasps] you minx.

Oh, no. Not the pepe le pew.

My pepe le pew.

[gagging]

Spanky surprised us all with this spectacular feast.

Spanky, wherever did you get all this tasty meat?

Uh...The meat blimp crashed out back.

Meat blimp?

Oh, yeah.

That's how they move meat these days.

Oh. Well, it certainly was delicious.

In fact...

¶ this may be the best meal i've ever had ¶

[squishes]

That's odd.

Where are all my woodland friends?

[nervous whimper]

Wait. Isn't that the meat blimp?

It didn't crash.

What's going on here?

Wooldoor?

Oh, uh-- i'm sorry,

But I asked you to sing the bully song

So spanky could catch your woodland friends

And cook them for us.

¶ meal ¶

Aah!

Aaaah!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Where do you think you're going?

[crying]

My dear little friends.

They're dead! Dead!

Because of you!

Oh, god, I am so sorry!

You said you were my friend!

I am your friend!

You're a murderer!

I know! I know!

Are you as turned on as I am?

What?! What the hell did you say?!

Oh, i'm sorry. I'm sorry.

When I get upset, I just say the craziest things.

Can I borrow 5 bucks?

Just go, wooldoor! Just go...

To my bedroom! My purse is in the top drawer!

There should be like 5, maybe $10 in there!

[sobbing]

[mumbling]

[yawns] oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

The cheese mistress is gonna grate yo ass up.

[mumbling]

This isn't working, is it?

[sighing together]

What happened to us?

I guess somewhere between the nipple drilling

And the scrotal jackhammer, we just drifted apart.

Maybe we were just 2 ships passing in the night.

Maybe we was, captain.

Maybe we was.

[instrumental music playing]

Oh, honey, i'm so sorry

About you and captain hero.

[sighs] we had a good run.

We'll always have paris,

Which is what we called it when I smashed his penis

With a lead model of the eiffel tower.

Toot: check me out, everyone.

[gasps] oh, my god! Look at you!

Ooh, lookin' hot!

Thanks, i've never been happier.

Oopsy!

Feels like there's still a morsel in there.

Better go purge. [giggles]

[whirs]

Eww! You know,

I've been finding vomit all over the house, too.

[toot gagging]

When I showed toot how to barf up

Every single piece of food she eats,

I never imagined anything bad could happen.

We had to do something before--

[gurgling]

I was beside myself.

Nothing could make up for the atrocities

I had committed.

The least I could do was give the woodland creatures

A proper send off.

Oh, don't bury me, i'm not dead.

Ha ha ha! You're alive! You're alive!

Princess clara will be so happy to see you!

Uhh!

Oh, holding out on me, huh?

Hand over the chipmunk and nobody gets hurt.

Except of course the chipmunk,

Which gets gutted, eaten, and eventually passed.

[whimpers] you can't eat him, spanky.

I'm bringing him to clara.

[slap]

¶ bullies are people who hate themselves ¶

¶ abused at age 6 or molested at 12 ¶

Huh? Who told you?!

¶ who's afraid of a bully? Not me ¶

¶ not me ¶

¶ he's not the only one ¶

¶ who can sing from his heart ¶

¶ I have feelings inside that-- ¶

Aw, fuck this shit!

I was nervous when foxxy said the whole team wanted to chat.

What could they possibly want to talk to me about?

[neck snapping] [giggling]

Toot--

[neck snaps] [giggles]

We all know you're bulimic.

We don't know how you got started

Down this horrible road--

But you're the one who showed me how to do it!

All that matters now is that we get you to stop.

Bulimia is very destructive...

To our personal property, bitch!

So what the toot am I supposed to do?!

Well, the considerate alternative is anorexia.

All the benefits of bulimia with none of the mess.

Does it really work?

Of course it works. All you have to do is

Make sure to look in the mirror every day

And see yourself as ugly and obese

No matter how much weight you lose.

Hi, i'm toot brownstein.

I play toot braunstein

On the reality show drawn together.

Tonight's episode dealt with eating disorders.

[flute plays]

Thanks, guys. Group hug.

Ohh.

Aah! Oh, gee.

I thought that intervention was gonna be pretty awkward,

But it wasn't nearly as awkward

As what went down later that day.

Oh. [nervous chuckle]

Ho-ho. Uh, foxxy.

How you been?

Fine. And...You?

Uh, you know, same ol', same ol'.

It wasn't all bad, was it?

No, no, we had some good times.

¶ let me love you-- ¶

Yeah, well, take care.

[crunching]

[loud cracks]

Nothing, huh? Me, neither.

Oh, well, thanks for trying.

Come on, blockhead.

Foxxy gonna give you some good grief.

And spanky tried to take him,

But I sang your song and stood up to him!

Ohh!

I'm so sorry, clara, for everything I did.

Oh, please, please, forgive me.

Oh, wooldoor, I--

I forgive you.

You do? Ohh!

Hug.

Wooldoor took responsibility for what he did.

And besides, to forgive is a mitzvah.

[crying] oh, chipmunk.

I didn't know I was leading you all into a trap.

Can you ever forgive me?

I forgive you, my princess.

And don't worry, I won't tell the others.

S-so, uh... You won't tell anyone

That i'm indirectly responsible

For the genocide of your people?

Uh...No. Of course not.

[sighs]

I wish I could believe you.

[neck snaps]

Mmm! This is delicious!

[belches]

Say, clara, where did you get all this tasty meat?

Um... Uh...

The meat blimp crashed.

[laughing together]

Wooldoor: ah, you murdered him.

Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--

[child laughing]

[neck snapping] [giggling]