Original subtitles

WE'LL CALL HIM ANDREA

Elementary School G. MAZZINI

Ladies, leave the kids!

Please, get out.

And you kids, be quiet. Your teachers will be soon here.

Calm down, ladies!

- Are you all right, teacher Soriani? - Yes, as always.

Teacher Parini, are you okay with yours?

Everything's fine.

Ma'am, are you leaving or not?!

Be quiet, your teachers are coming!

- What class are you in? - First A.

- And you? - First B.

Be quiet and let's see if Mr. and Mrs. Antonazzi are coming.

Here they are. Mr. Antonazzi?

See? They're waiting for us.

- Are you pleased? - My fault? - I was ready an hour ago.

Sure, you go to the bath first.

You let me go first just to stay in bed. May I take five minutes for makeup?

Should I go to public toilet?

I also grew a beard, to not shave it off.

- May I? - Excuse me. - Good morning.

- I didn't have breakfast either. - Stop it!

- Good morning. - Hello, dear.

- Hi, Maria. - Good morning, Soriani.

- May I? - Here we are.

Which ones are ours?

- Yes, ma'am, don't worry. - Please.

Ladies, if you don't get away, the kids never be quiet.

- First A. - First B.

- The First A come here. - The First B here.

Very good.

All lined up in three rows.

All lined up in four rows.

- Come on. - Or four.

Good morning, teacher.

No, dear, you're a repeater. You're unlucky.

He's your teacher. Go.

- In rows. - Good morning.

The boys on this side. The girls on the other side.

- Where do I go? - Are you a boy or a girl?

I am neither a boy nor a girl. I am a "beat".

Excuse me. Then we put you in the middle.

The Headmaster!

Welcome, dear children.

This is a great day.

The first day of school.

Remember, well begun

is half done.

Remember, everybody,

I will not tolerate any form of protest,

from whatever side it comes.

And by that, your Headmaster wishes you a nice school year.

Get to work!

Get to work, kids. Let's go.

Nice school year, darling.

- Same to you... and many sons. - Thank you.

Easy, kids.

Sit down.

We'll decide your seats later, without confusion.

This is First B.

Our classroom.

Be silent now.

We'll always be together.

When it rains and when it's sunny.

In wintertime, in autumn,

spring... all the time.

Even at night?

No.

Everyone will go to sleep at home.

Blow, kids.

I want to go home.

I want to go home.

Poor child.

Let me hold you. Why are you crying?

Is it over?

Don't do that.

Give me a kiss.

As you do with your mother.

That's it.

- Are you crying? - No.

It's this bloody dust. We breathe cement.

Excuse me, kids.

- Rabitti Giulia. - Here.

- Saini Alessandra. - Here.

- But you're Rabitti. - Yes.

- Are you also Saini? - No.

Then why did you answer?

I like it.

- Do you like to say "here"? - Yes.

So say it again.

- Rabitti. - Here.

Now shut up when I call the others.

Saini Alessandra.

Saini Alessandra isn't here?

- It's her! - Rat!

Why don't you answer, sweetie?

I'm afraid.

Are you?

Why are you afraid?

You don't have to be.

You know, I could be your father.

My father never holds me in his hands.

Then I could be your grandfather.

Your grandpa with a cataract in one eye.

Don't you like him? Don't...

No, I'm nobody. I'm your teacher, don't cry.

Come on, let's sing now.

Let's sing. Can you sing, children?

- Yes, sir. - Well.

Let's sing the national anthem.

Brothers of Italy

Italy...

You don't know it.

Do you know any songs?

Life is sad, life is hard

Sometimes it's scary

But it becomes good and beautiful

With little cheese

With Stella little cheese

Stella

I like it.

I must repeat, I like it.

I can't do without Swiss cheese.

God gave it to me and woe to him who touches it.

- Are you not well? - I'm great.

I've never felt better.

Then eat the cheese.

Is there any obligation?

- I know you love it. - No, it's not true.

I'm just like everyone else.

In Italy we eat only what television says.

We are an underdeveloped country.

Honestly, I used to love Swiss cheese even before the television came.

I'm willing to give up cheese, but tell me what's wrong with you.

You're behaving like an enemy lately.

You always argue, you don't look at me or talk to me.

- Maybe it's a nervous breakdown. - No.

You have it.

But what do you want?

- I want a child! - Me too.

You can't just say it, do it!

Yes, I'll go to the kitchen and make it.

Dear children, welcome to the 18th edition of the Zecchino d'oro.

I have always done my duty.

Since the first wedding night and every night.

At Christmas, at Easter,

even at the Day of the Dead.

Then I dropped a little bit.

I had a few days off. But that's normal.

And the results?

So it's my fault? We are in two.

A child is not a monologue, it's a dialogue.

Do something you too.

Why don't you get yourself checked?

Because I do not need that.

No, because you're provincial and backward.

In school you're in favour of sex education for 1st graders.

But you're embarrassed to go to the gynecologist.

I am a healthy woman.

A normal one. Daughter of very normal parents,

who brought me into this world.

Yes, I was brought by the stork.

At least I had previous sexual experiences.

Even very intense.

Maybe you have increased the population of Lazio.

Who knows? It might as well be.

In your case, surely not.

Since you were virgin until marriage.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry If I've done you this affront.

Maria... let's not be childish.

- Let's make a child, instead. - Exactly.

Listen, In Switzerland there is the best sexologist of Europe.

Let's go and get ourselves checked.

Maybe he finds out it's nothing.

Perhaps he'll say "Ma'am,

"you must drink grapefruit juice at 3:00 AM".

- He'll make you drink it. - And I'll drink it.

I'll set the alarm clock and I drink it. I like it.

- Antonazzi. - Oh my...

- Can I ask you a question? - Yes, darling.

It's a very important question. I'd say epochal.

I know. You called me Antonazzi.

But don't get offended, because I love you.

- That's for sure and cannot change. - I'm prepared for anything.

Do you trust science?

It depends.

How about... the...

artificial insemination?

You'd like the son of an unknown man...

No, one knows everything.

Weight, height, ancestry, character. You can choose.

We choose him from England. The English are decent people.

He's always the son of a vial. Doesn't sound decent, even if English.

Choose the one you like best.

An Italian. There must be someone that you respect and don't dislike.

I don't know... for instance, Spadacci.

To do what?

To get me fertilized.

With Spadacci?

- Carlo Alberto Spadacci? - Why not?

He's a young, healthy, athletic and moral person. What do you say?

What shall I say? You chose the dumbest one.

What do we care? He's a discrete and trustworthy colleague.

He won’t say anything to anyone. He comes, does and goes.

Eh, no! Spadacci can go to hell!

And you too.

Paolo, we love each other.

I love you. That's all matters. Everything else is secondary.

If something is missing to save a truly happy marriage like ours...

in this case, a baby...

any means are permitted.

All modern psychologists agree on that.

I don't give a damn about psychologists. I disagree on that.

Paternity is not a visceral matter, like maternity.

It's just a cultural matter.

But being a cuckold is not. Even if cultural, I'll be a cuckold.

See that you're backward,

petty, selfish, Italian.

Yes, Italian.

I'm supposed to provide for Spadacci's son for the rest of my life.

I should educate him, feed him, wash and dry him, take him to the park,

where I could meet Spadacci, completely unsatisfied.

You're basically an adulterer.

In your unconscious you like Spadacci,

and you want to sleep with him.

Let's choose a stranger.

The first guy on the street.

He doesn't need to know who I am.

I'll put on a mask in my face and he will too.

I'll buy a trumpet and let's do the Carnival.

Maria, as a general rule, I should slap you.

But I tell you: sweetheart, darling,

let's stop talking nonsense.

It's late. Let's go to bed.

To bed? Doing what?

What didn't happened in so many years, it can happen in a instant.

Maybe tonight.

No, I no longer believe it.

It disgusts me.

Yes, doing that without the purpose of having a baby.

I see you like a beast.

Did we get here?

And we are still arguing....

Why are we still together?

Why are we still together?

Why? It's better to end it, isn't it?

Yes,

it's better to die than go on like this!

All right, better to die!

Where is the gun?

You can't find anything in this house!

I put it here. Oh, there it is.

Maria, open up.

What are you doing?

Open up! Open up or I shoot myself!

Oh, my goodness!

Come on, have some air, darling.

Breathe deeply.

Breathe. Come on.

Air. Breathe.

This bloody cement!

Close! Are you crazy?

Taxi! Stop!

Hurry up or we'll miss the train!

My bag... Open the door!

- The bag. - Come on!

Come on, hurry up, driver!

If we return from Zurich with good news, I'll make a vow.

I won't smoke for a year.

It's not much. What kind of vow is that?

- Not a ...? - Instead I...

I will no longer make love, as soon as the baby is born.

You took an obligation for me too. What about me?

You're an instinctive man.

You want what you desire. You're not inclined to make sacrifices.

But what are we gonna do in bed in the next 30 or 40 years?

We're gonna sleep.

With our baby in the middle.

I want to keep him in our bed until he is 20.

Until he goes to Military.

- In the middle? - Yes.

With a soldier?

BEST WISHES

The train runs towards the border

Towards the main northern roads, everything is wax-polished

Wax, wax, wax.... Wax Lam!

Do you practice onanism?

Are you homosexual?

Get undressed.

Please.

Mr. Antonazzi.

Your nerves are perfect. You're a perfect man.

Even your tests are perfect.

You can give birth to twins or more.

I envy you.

Thank you, Herr Doctor.

Let me add my personal congratulations.

I'd like to start a friendship with you.

We can write to each other. I’ll give you my address later.

I usually come to Italy in August.

I go to Riccione, the pearl of the Adriatic.

I lie down on that hot and yellow sand

- and I think about infinity. - That's nice.

If you want, we can think about it together.

- About infinity? - Yes.

I already have many things to think about.

Be kind, do think about infinity yourself.

Mr. Antonazzi, you can go. Your wife may come in.

Yes, I'll send her in right now.

Yes, but...

Aren't you happy?

I'm very happy.

This is the best day of my life, after my First Communion day.

But I would...

Doctor, if my wife has something wrong...

If we both talk...

don't frighten her.

He can tell her the truth, but gently.

If possible, poetically.

They want you.

What about my husband, Doctor?

Please, speak.

I'm prepared for anything.

He's an uncommon man.

Yes, he's a good man.

Soulful, gently. Almost feminine.

He's a bull.

Listen...

Can I have a sedative, please?

- Do you speak French? - Yes.

But I don't.

How do you say sedative in French?

Please, give me...

a sedative.

Because I'm very nervous, agitated.

Agitated, do you understand?

Yes. A very strong Italian coffee.

No, forget it.

All right, bring me some coffee.

Antonazzi.

Antonazzi!

Mr. Antonazzi.

Unfortunately the news about your wife is not as good as yours.

Darling...

I don't want your pity!

The final word has not been spoken. I'll go to France

or in America, where I can find very good doctors.

- Don't translate that. - Translate it. He's incompetent!

If we came to Switzerland to tell him he's an idiot,

we could get checked out in Rome.

It's cheaper with health insurance.

You're a hypocrite. Say you're happy that it's not your fault!

You're dying to sing. Come on, sing!

This is no time to sing.

What are you translating? It's our business.

He told him anyway.

Stay calm, ma'am. All is not lost.

See? All is not lost.

Your uterus is a little high.

You must strictly follow my instructions.

I understand!

She understands.

Do pelvic gymnastics.

- Four times a day. - Four times.

Especially before and after intercourse.

Even after.

A lot of air, fresh and pure.

- Rich in oxygen. - Rich in cement...

- No alcohol. - What?

- No smoking. - Me too?

Be cheerful.

Laugh, as often as you can.

Darling...

I'll make you laugh like crazy. I swear.

You'll see how much laughter.

Smile.

Later, now we are crying.

- One, two, three, four. - ... two, three and four.

Move your pelvis. Carletta, move your pelvis.

What is it?

You. What are you thinking about?

- Nothing. - It's a lie.

All troubles of this world come from lies.

Learn that you must always tell the truth.

Without fear of anyone.

If I seem a bit crazy, you have to say it.

Mrs. teacher, you're a bit crazy.

Without exaggerating, but always say what you think.

Attention!

Greet our Headmaster.

Good morning.

I don't like him!

Neither do I.

You dummy!

What's all this, ma'am?

No, that's not an insult to you. They would do the same to a Minister.

It's an experiment which is part of active teaching for a...

self-assertion against cult of personality. Understand?

I understand that you need a long period of leave

and to be cured!

Whoever created the world had a joyful thought.

We have to thank him

for the water, the air, the mountains and the plains.

the ice cream and the planes.

Antonazzi!

Attention! Greet our Headmaster.

No, don't bother!

Listen, Antonazzi,

sorry to interrupt, but your wife uses subversive teaching methods.

Get her to a doctor. She teaches children to offend authority.

That's impossible.

Maria has the sense of the State and believes in God.

God didn't stop her from getting me insulted by her children.

I'll have to make a report to my superiors.

I'm sorry for you, whom I consider an exemplary teacher,

but your wife has an anarchist mentality!

There must be a misunderstanding.

Sir, I'm talking to you as if you were my father.

- My wife is going through a strange time. - On the double!

See? She has nervous disorders.

She laughs when he has to cry and vice versa.

Female problems, you know?

- Ovaries. - Ovaries?

Unfortunately it's the ovaries.

If it's ovaries... of course...

Before the ovaries, we must be understanding.

Thank you, sir.

- Good morning. - I knew that you'd understand.

Come on, on the double!

Run, man and woman

Trousers and skirts

Do one mile a day

If you want to have a child

To have more of them

Go all the way to Timbuktu

What did you do to the Headmaster? He wanted to report you.

Let him do it.

We need someone who sacrifices himself for his own ideas.

Even the doctor told you that you need a quiet and relaxing life.

You're even too much quiet and relaxing, my dear.

You're too sweet with everyone. Even with me.

Should I beat you up?

Your teaching methods prove it.

Your pupils grow up quite characterless. Forgive me for saying it.

On the contrary, I try to instill in them some of the samurai virtues.

There are no samurai in our tradition,

- there is Francis of Assisi. - Yes...

How can you have children with Francis of Assisi?

- I don't see any correlation. - But there is one.

I think we make love in a wrong way.

In a wrong way?

What do you mean?

- the sexual intercourse... - Shut up!

Go ahead, kids. Run.

Have a good run and breathe deeply.

What are you saying?

- Technically speaking.... - Yes.

No one understands better than me your refined and sensitive soul.

But the coitus... Let me call things by their real names...

All right, but in the low voice.

... isn't a seraphic act, a sonnet.

It requires its own dynamic.

One must go back to the origins and feel like a lion.

- You get it? - Lions?

You, for instance, never scream.

What should I do?

You should scream... loudly.

You can't force me.

It's not my nature. I can't scream like crazy people.

- Why not? - At the peak, I suddenly...

Everyone has his own style.

Lions have nothing to do with it. I coo.

Pigeons also reproduce without having to do....

I'm not talking to you.

Is the wind changing?

Kids, let's go back. Come on.

Cover your mouth.

- Murderers! - Put a handkerchief over your mouth.

It would take a letter to the press.

You don't change the world with letters to the press.

Put this handkerchief over your mouth.

You should throw a bomb there.

I'm against violence. Gandhi is my hero.

I warn you, my son will not be a sheep.

I warn you that I'll slap him if I see him with a gun.

You should slap those who make the guns and the cement.

Is this the fresh air that the doctor ordered me?

- The clean air... - Polluters!

- Exploiters! - Yes, they will never hear you.

Are you cooing with them too? Shout!

I don't want to teach vulgarity to the children. We're educators.

This is ecology.

- Bloodsuckers! - Egoists!

- Rich! - Ri...

- That's not an insult. - Because you reject the class struggle.

Rich men! Capitalists!

- Impolite! - Yes, again...

What can I say in front of these innocent creatures?

You assholes!

There. Sons of a bitches!

The police, Maria.

Kids, on the double!

One, two. One, two.

Holy shit!

I'm coming.

Here I am. Hi, darling.

- Where were you? - I was in bathroom, you know...

That's it.

- No, wait a minute. Come here. - Why?

- There's a surprise. - What surprise?

If I tell you it's no longer a surprise. Close your eyes.

- Come here. Don't open your eyes. - No.

Come, come... Open them.

Oh my God!

- What is it? - Your fresh air.

Clean like in Dolomite mountains.

I wanted to give you a ring for your birthday and then...

a beautiful oxygen tent.

It's not expensive. With two tanks.

- Look. - Yes.

Pure oxygen.

You're a sweetheart.

I don't deserve you.

Our son will be born here.

Yes, Paolo.

I feel it. Yes.

He will be born, I know.

- Did you get the salad? - What a great idea.

You're not a man. You're a saint, a genius.

I made a sauce.

You had a wonderful idea.

Let's cook some spaghetti.

- I feel he will born. - Maria.

- I'm sure. - Don't we eat first?

Surely. I feel it.

- Don't we eat? - No.

- I feel it. - Do you?

This is the right time. Quick!

- Now? - Yes, right now.

- Yes, but the sauce... - Hurry up.

- Wait. - This the time!

- I undress myself. - This is the time!

You didn't undo the buttons.

- Maria... - Hurry up, he will be born!

- I feel it! - it doesn't take off like this.

- You didn't untie my cuffs. - Tear them apart!

Hurry up!

- Darling... - Quick!

Sweetheart, calm down.

- Yes, make it quick. - I'll do it.

- Paolo, no! Come here. - Wait.

- Let me take off my shoes. - Never mind!

- Come on! - I did.

Come on, Paolo.

I can even scream here. Nobody can hear me.

Hold me!

The oxygen!

I almost forgot the major thing.

- Hold me. - Yes.

Hold me tight. We must want him.

- We must! - You're right.

We must go back to the origins.

- Feeling like a lion. - Then scream.

- Scream. - Now?

Scream!

- Keep going. - Antonazzi.

Antonazzi!

Who is it?

- Antonazzi! - Holy...

- Maria. - Okay...

Antonazzi!

Maria!

- Who is it? - It's us, the Sorianis.

- What do you want? - Is there someone sick?

No, we're fine.

We went to the pharmacist today and he told us that you bought an oxygen tent.

- So we worried. - Did you really buy that?

Yes, for our cat.

She has asthma. She caught the silicosis.

- The silicosis? - Yes, the cat silicosis.

But she's recovered already. Thanks.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight and excuse us.

Not at all.

The Sorianis are good people.

So thoughtful...

kind, affectionate...

nosey. A pain in the a...

Maria, what is it?

- It's all gone. - The oxygen?

No, the moment.

The moment?

It was here before and now it's gone.

What is "the moment", another novelty?

You see,

there are moments when...

a woman feels something in the air,

a scent, a color,

a music and she thinks:

there, now.

- Do you understand? - No.

Last night, in the twilight...

You had an hysterical attack.

Yes and I said:

if he was here now, I'm sure I'd become a mother.

- But you were at the bar. - Why didn't you call me?

- I didn't have the number. - 835835

I'll make a note.

Hoping it will come back.

Can we do something to help "this moment", I mean...

some music, a little drink?

It has to come by itself.

The moment will come back, you'll see.

- Well, I'll cook you something. - No, wait.

I'll make the dinner.

Breathe this clean air for 15 minutes.

Give me at least this satisfaction.

It's not easy.

These moments come suddenly. It's difficult to catch them.

Brothers of Italy

Italy has woken

Bound Scipio's helmet

Where is Magic moments of Perry Como?

I wanted to see if...

How beautiful are blooming almond trees

There is hope for a better world

It's Easter

The Lord rises

With the permission of the Quaestor

All living beings of nature

are divided into two categories, called sexes:

males and females.

- Do you know why? - To get married.

That's right.

I will never marry because... I have my mom.

I want to marry her.

- No girl wants you. - It's the man who decides.

You're a kid, we'll talk about it when you're older.

It's important now that you understand why people get married.

Because only from marriage, the union between a male and a female,

a new creature can be born and life can continue.

But...

how this union works?

I know it. They all sleep in one room.

I know that too. Nino told me.

You rat! I'll break your face!

Nino knows all the dirty things.

Why, dirty?

On the contrary, there is nothing more beautiful in nature than...

the miracle of birth.

Let's start with flowers, for instance.

Even the flowers get married.

How do they do, if they are always planted in the ground?

How does the male flower look for the female flower if he can't walk?

Well, look at our geraniums.

Do you see that butterfly?

- My goodness, there is a wasp too! - Does the wasp stings?

They go from one flower to another to look for food.

When they perch on the male geranium,

a powder sticks to their legs, the pollen,

which they involuntarily transfer to the female geranium.

And she becomes pregnant.

No, for a flower we don't say "become pregnant".

The arrival of the little powder is called pollination.

Write down this word, so you don't forget it.

- What does it mean? - P-O-L...

two "L".

It's difficult. It's too long.

I know how to spell it.

... O-N.

Write it five times, no 10. And be good, please.

Where is the chalk? Do you eat it?

Certainly not! Shall I go to the janitor?

Never mind.

At least this cement factory is useful for something.

Well...

Two eggs.

I have two eggs.

I'll give one... to you.

- How many eggs do I have left? - Two.

Two? I'll give you one...

I don't want the egg. I don't like it.

- Antonazzi! - Oh my...

This is it, Paolo.

- He's back. - Who?

The "moment".

I'm glad, but...

he chose the wrong time.

- He's come back! - Hold him, darling.

There is only one hour left before we go home.

- Can you hold on? - No. - You can't.

Right now. I feel we need to pick the right moment.

I understand, but we can't get out of the school.

But we will not get out.

- Here? - Yes.

- Come on. - My God...

I'll be right back.

Sing Brother of Italy. Oh no, you don't know it.

Sing the little cheese.

Life is sad, life is hard

Sometimes it's scary

But it becomes good and beautiful

With little cheese

With Stella little cheese

Stella

What a family, father and mother, our priest is grieving

They have finally decided to divorce

But all at once Severina, the ancient servant,

Brings something on the table that make smile the husband and the bride

What is it?

Guess the riddle

The little cheese

The Stella little cheese

From Gigino's house his sister has escaped

But Gigino wait and hope

That she will soon come back

Because she likes very much

The little cheese

The Stella little cheese

Stella

- What happened? - It was a terrifying scream.

- Did someone get hurt? - Who shouted?

- Did you hear a scream? - Yes.

Maybe someone turned on the TV. It seemed like a scream from the TV.

TEACHER'S LOUNGE

Sir...

my wife felt a little sick.

Do you understand?

But who shouted?

Me. I got scared.

Yes, but...

there's no need to worry, sir.

It's all over.

- Poor woman, she's delicate. - Yeah.

Get in!

Nino put the jam on her face.

I had her stung by a wasp.

By a wasp? Who did it?

He did it!

Nino, bad boy.

- Did you do it? - Yes.

Why, dear?

- I pollinated her. - He pollinated her...

- Kids, greet the Headmaster. - Good morning!

Let's show the Headmaster how good we are.

One-two, one-two... Hi.

- Ask the Headmaster to forgive you. - Oh, do you forgive me?

No, I'll throw you out. I said you're expelled.

But sir, it was a childish prank, even poetic.

- An act of love. - Love.

For goodness sake,

poetry is now a justification also for revolutions.

But sir, she has forgiven Nino.

- Did you? - Yes.

Let's shout hurray.

Hurray, sir.

Make peace, you and Nino.

- Shake hands. - But what is this?!

- You have no sense of hierarchy! - You see, it's him.

This scoundrel is suspended.

And if you don't come to your senses, I'll suspend you too.

Come on, march forward!

Sir...

Maria is going through a strange time.

- Like I said... - Don't talk to me of ovaries!

- There's a limit to those too. - All right.

- Hi, Nino. - Hi.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I convinced the Headmaster. Nino can return to school.

To make him treat this way?

I don't send him anymore.

You can't, ma'am. School is obligatory by law.

What can the law do against me?

If I get convicted...

If I get convicted, I'd be better than I am now.

What is it?

Are you ill?

My husband...

He always promises me to be careful, but he doesn't.

You know, this is the sixth.

The sixth, damn him!

What do you feel?

A feeling of nausea.

Then...

my vision becomes blurred

and everything changes color.

Can I do something for you?

Can I be the godmother of your baby?

I won't do this baby. I don't want him!

Ma'am, you don't know what you're saying!

You don't, because you have no children!

Lucky you.

Try to have one, then we'll talk.

Why should I bring another wretch into this world?

I already work myself to death.

I'll go lie down on my bed. Goodbye.

- What are you doing? - I'll wait until you're well.

I'll be fine in a moment.

Then I'll have to finish my laundry.

It's better if you leave.

Go away, please.

If you decided not to send him to school anymore...

I can keep Nino for a while.

He'll come to my home every afternoon.

I'll have him studying,

- I'll prepare snacks for him... - No.

Better he goes to school, so he stays at home in the afternoon.

Do you know how I'm seeing you now?

Half green and half blue.

Half green and half blue...

I envy you.

Maria, did you think it over? Are you sure, you won't regret it?

- I'm sure, I'm mad with joy. - I see.

What's the use of all this love inside me? Who can I give it to?

- Can we really choose? - Yes, ma'am.

- Oh my God, Paolo. - Yes?

It's like we're making one.

We're creating a child.

Look.

How old is that little boy?

It's a girl!

Our idea would be to have a boy.

That's definitely a boy. He's very strong

He'll become a man.

- What's his name? - Gervaso.

- Gervaso... - Ugly name.

We can change it.

- Who is his mother, Sister? - She is in jail for husband killer.

Don't you think he's too aggressive?

I believe in the theory of heredity.

Can you give us some advice, Sister?

We can't. It's against regulations.

- Look how lovely he is. - Which one?

That one.

- The... black one? - Yes.

Well, I'm glad you like him.

He might feel different from others...

He might have trouble at school or to get married.

He might have some complex.

In that case, I'd color my face black too.

So would I.

Look the one who is smiling at us.

- The red one? - Yes, red.

- The red one... - Maybe he's too red.

Darling, no black, no red...

What are we doing?

Let's take them all.

All.

We are too agitated. Let's come back another day.

Don't give Gervaso away, Sister.

Keep him for me.

I will come tomorrow, maybe this evening...

- And the black boy too. - The black boy...

- And the one with red hair too. - That too...

Have patience, Sister,

let us think about it a little more.

In the meantime, let's trust providence.

They say, "God helps those who help themselves".

I help myself.

Keep them for us a few days, but without obligation.

You all look scared.

The vaccination.

This is a big and powerful word,

but it's a small and unimportant thing.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid...

Don't be afraid,

It doesn't...

hurt at all.

The next three. First A.

- It's up to us. - No, I'm scared.

Come, Federica, it's nothing. Just a little scratch.

Do it yourself.

- Paolo! - Who is it?

Maria, what is it?

What is it, darling?

This is it.

Again? No, today it's impossible.

No, it's no longer needed.

I see everything green and blue.

Oh my God!

- Take me home. - Yes.

I'm happy. I'm fainting...

I'm sleepy. I am a mother.

Headmaster! Teachers!

- Kids! - What is it?

I am a father.

My wife said I'm a father.

I think she's pregnant.

That's for sure.

Let me take her home.

Yes, and best wishes.

- Thank you. - Ma'am, your sweater.

He pollinated her!

- Congratulations, ma'am. - Thank you.

- Are you feeling nauseous? - Yes.

- Weakness, languor, dizziness? - Yes.

- Do you want to cry? - Yes.

Congratulations, Antonazzi!

Congratulations!

Hi.

Hi, darling.

Cat.

Easy.

Well...

Oh, how lovely!

He'll breathe fresh air here.

I didn't expect, you almost finished it.

Now I'll make some birds flying,

so it's always springtime.

Life is sad, life is hard

Sometimes it's scary

But it becomes good and beautiful

With little cheese

With Stella little cheese

Stella

Who is it?

- Wonderful! - See?

It's very nice, seems made of gold.

Everybody congratulates us. Look what I found.

- What? - Guess what?

- A baby bottle. - Try it.

Suck.

Then, with milk...

Good wishes from us too.

- Thank you. Goodbye. - Thanks, buddies, goodbye.

They were so nice.

- Thanks again. Goodbye. - Goodbye.

I'll walk you out.

Cat!

Not here! Get down!

Be careful! You could fall.

- Hello? - No more wax on the floor.

Hi, darling, it's you.

Thank you. It's Mrs. Pistacci.

That's really nice of you.

- Thank you. - Who told you about it?

It was in the newspaper?!

Given that they publish such stupid news, this one could be on the front page.

Thanks to you and Mario.

Thank you. Bye.

How does everybody know?

- Did you send a wire to your mother? - Yes.

She's better than radio.

I told you not to run!

- She's irresponsible. - Hello? Yes.

Hi, it's you.

Your husband also wants to congratulate me?

Thank you, put him on.

- It's the Sorianis. - Very kind.

- Yes, if I can. Tell me. - Thank you.

- They would like us to name him Girolamo. - Why?

In memory of their nephew who died in Africa.

Yes, of course. Eventually, the next one.

Because the name of this one has already been decided.

Yes, we'll call him Andrea.

Yes, Andrea.

Thank you anyway. Bye. Thanks.

Andrea?

Who decided that?

Don't you like it? It's a nice name.

- Yes, but there's plenty of them. - But we only need one.

- Why, Andrea? - For many reasons.

Tell me four or five of them.

First, it was an inspiration. Like a sound, Andrea.

Second, it comes from the Greek "Andreia", which means courage.

It will help him not to be a coward.

So what? Muzio Scevola let his hand burn, but his name wasn't Andrea.

Do you want to call him Muzio?

- No, I was trying to prove to you... - Thirdly, it starts with an "A".

So what?

Andrea Antonazzi Ambrogini.

We also put Ambrogini?

He can also have my surname. I'll make him.

His initials are nice:

- A A A. - Triple A.

He will be on top in any alphabetical list.

This is a great advantage.

In any examination or contest he will be called first.

He will be fresher and more rested.

- Andrea Antonazzi Ambrogini. - I don't like it.

Think how many queues he will avoid.

Then let's call him Abele, Abaco or Abbacchio.

Antonazzi Abbacchio! Here!

Don't be unfair and tell me the truth.

If you have another name, say it and let's talk about it like adults.

I don't have any. But I want to think about it.

A name is an important thing that you carry with you forever.

A name can affect him.

Think of your cousin, Fortunato.

He had one misfortune after another, until he died of mumps.

We have nine months to think it over.

- Why do we have rush? - I need it right now.

In these nine months.

When he is born, I may not even call him.

He and I will have such a strong bond

that I won't even have to call and he'll turn to me.

But now? How do we call him?

- He? The baby? - The baby.

- Yes, the creature, the baby... - That's nice.

What can I embroider on his bibs?

What do I inscribe on his glass, on his spoon?

Do that, then I want to see if a female is born.

Andrea ends with A. It is also good for a female!

Don't argue with me every time, it hurts me.

No, my darling, you're right.

Are you all right? I'm a stubborn, insensitive man!

I would hit myself on the head! Andrea is a nice name.

Why I didn't think of it myself?

Andrea...

Wait, I have an idea.

Where did I put that?

Where? No...

I came here...

Here it is!

Get out of the way, cat. Watch out.

This is the first photo of Andrea.

I want to make you one every evening.

Give me a profile.

I want to see him grow day by day.

That's nice. "With brotherly love".

- Who is it? - Spadacci.

Ah, Spadacci...

It must have cost him a bundle.

- Where do we put it? - Where?

Excuse me.

Why?

Flowers look good in the garden.

No, I'll get it!

Hello?

Good morning, sir. It's the Headmaster.

You shouldn't have bothered you.

Ah, you should.

Yes, all right.

All right, sir.

They reported us to the State Attorney.

I inform you that the owners of the cement factory,

only out of respect for me,

they are willing to withdraw the lawsuit and keep this quiet,

if you sign a letter of apology for which they provide the text.

Why did you do that?

Why did you betray the dignity of your profession?!

Why have you given scandal in the exercise of your duties?

Why?!

Sir, I wish to make a preliminary statement.

I'm the only one responsible, my wife is innocent.

That's not true, I incited him!

- But I said the bad words. - So did I.

Maria, we look like The two Sergeants.

- Here is the letter. - Yes.

The undersigned, Paolo and Maria Antonazzi,

declare to have nothing to complain against the Cementificio Laziale,

of which they recognize not only the quality of the product,

but the highly constructive purposes.

They engage, in their daily work,

to recreate in the young spirits of their pupils,

a modern consciousness of the cement

that, with their rebellious aggression,

they may have deeply troubled.

I want to point out: we aren't against the cement and the cement factories.

We are against the dust,

which is smothering the suburb of San Valentino.

These problems concern the mayor, not the teachers.

It would be enough to move the factory further upstream.

Or the suburb further downstream.

As you please. My solution seemed easier to me

Sign it.

- What's that? - The pen.

Thank you.

Sir,

I was born under the fascist regime.

So the discipline is still in my blood.

It's stronger than me, I obey.

I love my Fatherland. I always write it with a capital F.

I vote for the government, whatever it is.

When the President of the Chamber and of the Senate speak,

I am moved. My wife can confirm that.

I don't get mad for the social and economic scandals that newspapers publish daily.

I got used to those.

I didn't take part in the campaign for Divorce.

I defend the family.

I understand that our country is founded on family...

and adultery.

Even if my wife and I are not used to that practice...

at least for now.

But I won't sign this letter because...

Sir, dear colleagues,

something new and big happened to me.

My conscience went a step further.

Since when?

Since I'm a father.

Since yesterday, then?

It's enough for me.

Is that your last word on it?

I hope so.

If necessary, I will tell more.

All right, but I must warn you that you will have trouble.

- Yes. - A lot of trouble.

Not only from the cement factory, but also from the Education Department.

- And higher, much higher! - Yes.

You should be in prison, instead you're out!

I'm not the only one, sir.

Given your wife's condition, you're acting irresponsibly!

I'm doing it for her too. For everyone.

If this didn't sound presumptuous, I'd say for humanity.

I can't let our son grow up in this dusty and polluted air.

With white hair already in the cradle.

Air, sir. We need air!

For us, for the future generations!

Air! Air, sir!

What did I say?

Sorry.

Sorry for what?!

You did well!

I don't agree with Antonazzi.

I consider him an exploited victim of a particular propaganda.

I figured.

I think I can speak for all of us,

above any ideological consideration,

in complimenting the new father and the new mother.

Thank you, ma'am.

Dear, be sure to take vitamins for the whole pregnancy.

- Yes. - And the diet.

And do exercises.

Thank you, Spadacci. I promise.

You promise... We'll ask the doctor. What does Spadacci know?

Spadacci knows...

What?

I know.

- Maria, did you have check ups? - Which ones?

When a woman is pregnant, around her nipple appears...

Excuse me, Reverend.

the areola, milky coffee colored.

- The areola? - But we have no doubts. We are sure.

Don't forget that sexual intercourse in the first three months...

- Excuse me, Reverend. - This is a bad day for you, Reverend.

... must be as infrequent as possible.

Spadacci, we'll ask the doctor also this.

Spadacci is right. Until the third month.

After that, you can do whatever you want.

You can do crazy things.

We're gonna play tag.

Well, best wishes.

You deserve an applause!

Best wishes.

Excuse me, I have to see Dr. Mariani.

- Do you have an appointment? - No, but it's urgent.

Your case is rather common, ma'am.

You thought you were pregnant but you are not.

A hysterical fact that shows your great sensitivity

and your imagination.

The fact that you had your period this morning, removes any doubt.

Couldn't that be a hysterical fact?

No.

Doctor, have you ever been wrong?

- Can't you be wrong? - Not in this case.

So that's it.

- I'll kill myself. - No, ma'am.

You might be a mom one time or another.

I'll kill myself.

If I tell my husband the truth, he will kill himself.

We have already received 50 congratulatory telegrams,

10 flower bouquets, 20 letters...

and many little gifts for the baby.

Doctor, you won't tell anyone?

Swear it.

Ma'am, there is the professional confidentiality.

- Swear it, please. - I do.

Follow the advice of my Swiss colleague.

Air, gymnastics, serenity.

And make love with joy.

As often as you can. Make love.

Do you know how many sperm there are? 200 million.

They travel and find many obstacles.

In your vagina, which is a bit uphill, it's even more difficult.

But 200 million are 200 million.

And one of them will find the right way sooner or later.

A mountaineer, an alpine.

One is enough.

You know, they are like kamikaze going to assault,

knowing they will be destroyed, scattered.

Until one day, one of them "tac"...

survives and reaches the egg.

Life is sad, life is hard

Sometimes it's scary

But it becomes good and beautiful if you bring to your tits

A little child

The Stella little child

I see very well that you're sad today. Why?

Because a pregnant woman has mood swings.

Otherwise she would not be pregnant.

I'll give you this. Everything about the pregnant woman.

Do you know what a baby develops in the first month?

The heart.

In the second, the face.

In the third, the vocal cords. In the fourth, the hair.

And in the fifth... Guess what?

His hands.

No. He begins to move.

He does the first movements. He kicks.

Yes and in the sixth, the muscles. In the seventh, the nerves.

At the eighth, he makes himself pretty to enter the world.

Look how beautiful, how cute. His skin turns white and pink.

He can even suck his thumb inside your womb.

And in the ninth?

Here, ma'am, this is your son.

Isn't he cute? Oh, by the way, let's take a photo.

Come on, get up.

Let's do a close-up of Mr. Andrea Antonazzi.

No, Andrea Antonazzi Ambrogini.

- Are you ready? - Yes.

Well, let me adjust the focus...

Here...

What are you doing? The Venus of Botticelli?

No, you can't do that. Cover yourself, my love.

We have to be good.

Did you hear what our colleagues said?

At least the first three months.

It's my duty to give you this proof of love.

But you have to help me, I'm not made of wood.

Let's pretend nothing is happening.

- Here... - How do we pretend nothing is happening?

Replacing it.

We'll play cards or learn to play bridge at night.

We'll buy some candy.

How hard could that be? We are in May.

"June, July and August, my wife, I'm busy".

We'll see you in September.

Goodnight.

- The oxygen. - No!

You have a mistress.

You have a mistress. I have proof.

Me?

You haven't been with me for 10 days. Who are you with?

You never resist more than four days!

- Not even the time your uncle died. - But I observed a minute of silence.

I don't want to commit a crime.

I don't want to risk harming my son.

A noble sentiment. They will make you "Cavaliere".

The truth is different.

You don't want me anymore!

I saw you yesterday, when you got out of the bathtub...

naked.

I began shaking.

I clung to the coat rack. I resisted.

But the coat rack didn't. A piece of wall also fell.

You don't know these things and I don't tell you anything.

By the way, please stop bathing....

naked.

I mean, do it, but close the door.

And lock it.

Sleep now.

- Try to relax. - No.

- I will do gymnastics. - Gymnastics?

Are you crazy?

You'll put him upside down!

The baby could be born with subversive ideas.

Even the book says you have to be good. Read it

I no longer believe in books.

Nor in God.

I no longer believe in anything.

- I only believe in gymnastics. - Because Spadacci told you so?

Maria, be good.

You're too agitated.

You're out of breath.

I better give you some oxygen.

Doesn't it come out?

Maybe it's empty.

My ear!

What is it?!

What happened? Oh my god, it's flying!

Close the tanks!

What is it?

Honey, you've been sleeping all afternoon.

Of course, if we fight at night, I sleep during the day.

Do I make you angry?

- No, it's... - Forget it.

- Did you sleep well? - Yes.

I also dreamed.

What did you dream?

- A shoe. - Couldn’t you dream of something better?

It does not depend on me.

At least it was my shoe?

No, an old and rotten shoe of an Alpine.

I wonder what that means.

You know...

- these are oneiric symbols... - Yes.

with a sexual interpretation.

The Alpine, the mountain...

The summit is the woman to be conquered. Hold this arm up.

Or it is Andrea's fate: to go up.

Maybe someone up there has already decided

that he will

discover the shortest way to go to Mars.

That's a great satisfaction for a parent.

You'd like him more

to become a boxing world champion,

or a black belt in judo.

- What are you doing? - Am I heavy?

No.

I better go to paint Andrea's room.

By the way, you didn't tell me what you would like him to become.

Different from you.

This would be an advantage.

Why, different from me?

You're not a man, you're a calendar.

You're an abacus.

But I'm a woman, you know?

I also want to think about men.

- About you, for instance. Or can't I? - Sure.

Or do you want to kick me out like a vicious woman?

Or do you want to wire your grandma to tell her I'm a whore?

No, darling. On the contrary, I'd be proud if...

If, if, if... How many if.

You force me to hide my most natural feelings, of a woman.

But you are not a woman now.

You're a mother.

- Antonazzi? - Oh my...

I officially inform you that I desire you.

So do I, like a pirate. You will see in September...

No, I want to see now.

I don't queue. I won't wait.

No. Goodbye.

- Where are you going? - I don't know, but I'm going.

If I meet some people in a protest march, I'll join them.

And I will scream too. I need to scream.

Air, Antonazzi! I need freedom.

Air, air! I'm suffocating!

- Maria! - A new life.

If I meet someone I like, I'll go with him!

I swear it!

Oh my goodness.

- Good morning, teacher. - Good morning.

- Have you seen my wife? - Yes.

- She went that way. - Where?

- She was running. - She was running?

But he's in underwear...

Where are you going?!

I'm Antonazzi. Have you seen my wife?

No, I haven't.

Didn't she go here...

... to Spadacci?

Maybe. I had to get away for three minutes.

You must never leave the guardhouse unattended.

- I had some business. - You could have sent someone.

Yes, I send someone to go pee.

Who is it?

- I'm Riccardo? - Which Riccardo?

- Riccardo! Who else? - But you're Paolo?

Okay, let's not argue.

Open the door or I'll break it down!

What is it?

May I come in for a moment?

Spadacci!

- What is it?! - Nothing, absolutely nothing.

I wanted...

- ... to say hello. - Thank you.

- What are you doing naked? - The shower. - With who?

With water.

Can I see your shower?

My wife and I would like to install a shower.

Like...

What's yours like? Rain shower...

- ... or handheld? - Rain shower.

Rain shower?

- Your shower isn't here? - In the bedroom? No, it's over here.

Where, here?

It's not here.

- It's not here. - But it's there.

- Who? - The shower.

Ah, nice.

Very nice.

That's exactly...

the type I was looking for.

- Yes. - What are you doing?!

There is the rain shower...

- ... two knobs, cold and hot... - What are you doing?

Yes, I'll choose this type.

I'm sorry I bothered you, but my wife...

You know, it's very nice.

- Look at the state of you. - No, never mind.

It's better to try things, otherwise you may be disappointed.

Yes, this one works.

Thank you.

I'm going now, because... I'm in a hurry.

See you.

Say hello to your wife.

- Of course. Bye, I'll write you. - Are you leaving?

No, why? Where should I go?

"Belana, Dios,"

"Cartanga".

"Venus, plus Stars,"

- "plus Dan". - Dan.

Popess.

Faith, wisdom and maternal principle.

- Is your husband impotent? - No.

Then there is still hope.

You must mate with him on a full moon night.

The moon works wonders.

But these are the last years,

because the Coca-Cola will ruin everything up there too.

Pay attention.

Now I'm going to give a secret, precious bottle.

But don't let anyone see it.

Especially the Police.

Where the hell did this moron put it?

Arturo!

Where did you put the bottles with the love potion?

- What a cuckold! How is that possible... - She's always the same!

She always blame me!

And you stop touching my things!

I can't find it.

Where can it be?!

Here it is.

Put five drops in your husband's coffee.

- In the coffee. - Yes.

Then make him drink it. It's strong stuff.

That's harder. Can't we do without it?

It's like throwing a bomb without lighting a fuse.

He's almost teetotal. He only drinks wine in company.

- Throw a party. - This can be done.

But when does it start to work?

Immediately. In about half an hour.

How do we do with a house full of people?

They will leave, don't worry.

If they will not, he'll take care of kicking them out.

He will become like a forest animal.

- And don't be frightened if he screams. - No.

Try to bring him outside, under the rays of the moon.

Right under them.

The longer you stay under them, the better.

They must come upon you, straight as swords.

I had twins this way.

With such a husband...

Did you see?

After that, you'll hear a whistle in you ears.

Then it means it's done.

What kind of whistle?

A long, prolonged whistle, like that of a train.

10,000£.

Viva Andrea!

Best wishes!

I wish...

I wish...

- I wish...! - Be quiet, Arturo is talking!

- What's he saying? - I wish...

- ... your child become a good person. - Thanks.

It would be okay even crippled, but honest.

Crippled? Then it's better a thief.

I was speaking hyperbolically.

Ah, hyperbolically. Thank God.

- When will Andrea be born? - On January 12.

Approximately. There may be some delay.

No, we will be right on time.

Do you want some coffee? It's ready.

- Don't bother too much. - No, it's on the stove.

Do you want that too, darling?

Not for me. Only Champagne tonight.

But a cup is good for you. You think better.

- Why? Am I talking too much? - No.

I said "better". You can always do better

Then we'll all go to sleep. In the grass.

In the grass?

Tonight I'm in the mood for sleeping outside, under the moon.

- Do you want coffee, honey? - No, only Champagne!

- Parini, where is your accordion? - It's there.

Then play it. What did you bring it for?

You love coffee and now you refuse it because I offer it to you!

- You're irritating! - Why are you making her angry?

God forbid, honey. Give me some coffee.

- Two cups, four. All the coffee pot. - Yes.

Come on, play something!

- Very good! - That's nice.

Lippia Pippia

Ciccia Bobbia

Chi c'ammucchia me colà

I should have been a lyric writer.

- This song already has the lyrics. - Yes, but they are old.

I'd love to do a song.

Don’t you ever want to do something crazy?

It never happens to my husband.

At least once a month, Soriani.

We threw a pot and two glasses out of the window on New Year's Eve.

That's not much.

Instead one of our neighbours threw himself out.

- By mistake? - No, by debts.

Follow me, I feel inspired.

At least once a month

I want to be rude

Shouting in the square "down with someone"

Throwing a rock at the Governor

Why the Governor?

Sorry, correction.

Throwing a rock at someone

Why "someone"? I throw it at the Governor.

Keep playing.

At least once a month

I would like to tell the "Headmastonth"

Which means the Headmaster.

I would like to tell the "Headmastonth"

3 times 7 = 28. Better above than below

Sganga gonga minga ganga crusco benga tanga tanga

I'll tell him that. I don't mince my words.

You're going too far and running wild.

You must behave as if your son was already born.

He judges you.

Right.

So he will become different from me.

And from you.

You wanted him crippled...

At least once a month

He will say what he thinks

Risking being without

Refrigerator and coffee

Here, have a sip. You might smile a bit.

He's always a killjoy.

At least once a month

I will say what I think

Maybe I will starve

And I will sleep on the couch

Forgive me, my friends,

Like you, I respect rules and hierarchies,

but at least this evening...

Then we'll be good for the whole year.

At least this... What a title for a song.

"At least this evening!

Move this table.

At least this evening

I will be a hot air balloon

Maybe a steamer

Or rather a powder magazine

Come on, Soriani!

Come on!

Andrea is coming!

I bought this for him yesterday.

I might wear broken shoes, but my son must have everything he wants.

I already bought a life insurance for him.

I haven't told Maria yet.

Here's the coffee!

This is your cup.

No! I want to serve it myself. I must!

Where is your cup?

Here it is. I just drank it. It's very good.

There is no more? Very good.

I think it's a little sweet.

Because Maria is sweet.

Even without sugar, she makes a sweet coffee.

Play it, Parini!

My sweet love,

may I have this dance?

Play it softly, Parini. As if you were on the water.

Carousel

What are you doing?! Don't hold me tight, you hurt me!

Frigid! I don't know what's happening to me.

Mafalda, take off your clothes! You have wonderful boobs!

What's wrong with you? You never did that!

Arturo! This is not your house! What are you doing?!

Arturo!

Please, forgive me.

He never did that.

Maybe something made him sick.

I'll take him to Dr. Frugoni tomorrow. Forgive us, Maria.

There's nothing wrong with that. After all, you're married.

Go ahead, be fruitful and multiply.

Let's go home, to bed.

You were lovely, my friends.

- We'll see you soon. - So embarrassing!

- Thank them, Maria. - Forgive me.

Thank you, we'll call you.

Everything was good, especially the coffee.

Thanks to you. You played very well.

- Viva Andrea, always. - Viva Andrea!

Are you leaving already?

Soriani, what are you doing?!

- Bruna, what is it? - He touched my ass!

- How dare you, Arturo?! - Oh my God, Arturo!

It's not my fault. It's a superior force.

I don't recognize him anymore. I swear!

Forgive me, Mafalda. All will become clear.

What's it to do with you? We are all respectable people.

Soriani has a clean record. If he touches an ass for once...

At least once a month, my friends.

It was a fit of madness. I'm going to confess tomorrow.

A great idea, my friends. Goodnight.

There's something strange in the air.

Could be the end of the world.

Forgive me all.

Don't exaggerate. We aren't so intimate with them.

The scream!

It's him. Soriani.

Poor Soriani.

The most upstanding office worker in Rome.

Actually, he may be fired for that reason.

Are you tired?

I'll clean the table and the dishes.

Get undressed and go to bed.

Come on, go to sleep.

At least this evening

What a guy, that Soriani.

Maybe he's a werewolf.

There was a full moon.

He had a face like those who kill prostitutes.

Weren't you scared, honey?

Holy shit, he could have had a little more respect.

For our home. For you, a pregnant woman.

I'm not pregnant.

What?

I'm not pregnant.

Don't joke when I have the dishes in hand.

I'm not joking.

I don't believe it.

Go to Dr. Mariani,

Via Cavour, 102,

and see what he says. I got myself checked out by him.

I don't believe it anyway.

Do you know what happened to Soriani?

He drank an aphrodisiac potion that I had prepared for you.

A fortune teller gave it to me.

Madame Luxor.

Via Panisperna, 74. Apartment 12.

Do you believe it now?

Why don't you yell?

Yell at me, please. Beat me.

You have to say something.

Paolo, you can't leave like this!

Say something.

Slap me, kick me!

Kill me!

Where is the gun?

Kill me, they will acquit you.

Where is the gun?

The gun...

Oh my God... the gun.

Paolo, give it to me. Give it to me!

You can't do it. You must not!

I thought about doing that,

but then I realized it was wrong, stupid.

What need have we of children? You and I have no importance?

You and I are nothing?

No, only you and I are important.

Give it to me. Throw it away!

It would be all right if we don't love each other anymore.

But that ain't true, because I have you and you have me.

I don't want kids!

Damn Andrea!

He has already made us suffer enough.

Paolo,

if you do something crazy, I'll do it too.

Let's do it together.

No, me first.

Give it to me.

But what do you want?

- What should I give you? - The gun.

You took it. It wasn't in the drawer.

Is this something new? We can't find anything in our house.

You're right.

We have to think only of ourselves.

Who takes responsibility for bringing children into the world today?

A world where there are no more fish at sea, no more birds in the air,

on earth... there is no place to breathe.

Then you know what children become?

A living blackmail.

And an alibi.

People steal, kill, cheat...

vote for someone they don't respect...

go to church even if they're atheists.

All in the name of the children.

Goodbye dignity.

Parents are bad people.

We really dodged a bullet.

My love,

loveliness, lovely, "lovish"....

I have been waiting for you since May 15th.

- What are you doing? - Let's make love.

- Here? - Yes, in the open air, like two lovers.

Not to have a child but with the fear of having him.

- What if they see us? - They arrest us, for indecent exposure.

Because you don't do that with your wife.

And who can see us? The moonlight is gone.

Why are you laughing?

The fortune teller told me that to get pregnant

I had to make love with you under the full moon.

Don't worry, it's cloudy.

And that I'd have heard a whistle like that of a train.

Too? And you believed that?

- I was desperate. - My love.

How can you still believe this bullshit.

We'll make that fortune teller change jobs tonight.

La Si Do Re Mi Fa Sol La

Mommy.

Come here.

Mommy.