Original subtitles

[music playing]

[laughter]

The trouble with you is you'vefallen in love with yourself.

And I made a remarkable choice.

I will never get left on the shelf,

and I'll never get tired of my voice.

[applause]

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Bravo.

Bravo.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Bravo.

Oh, you've got to put it away.

You're kidding.

This is his golden moment.

Give me that spotagain, and keep it on him.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Bravo.

Bravo.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Bravo.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

My god, you were wonderful tonight.

It was like playing before kings.

He's not.

Oh, he's not, a curtain speech.

Sad to say, this is our very last performance.

So I would like to throw one final bouquet.

As you know, Shakespeare,Marlowe, Dryden Johnson--

Oh, my lord.

--have all been such a great part of my life.

They're my real cronies.

But I've only had twomarvelous contemporary roles

in the theater, and both writtenby the same brilliant author.

Oh, my god.

It's not every actor, ladies and gentlemen--

I don't believe this.

--who is fortunate enough tohave a house writer for a pet.

It is great pride therefore which

compels me to introduce the author of tonight's

play, my wife, Lilly.

[applause]

[inaudible],, don't you dare, Fitz, please.

I will not do it.

I can't.

Bravo.

Bravo.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Bravo.

Bravo.

[piano music]

There was this crowd of people calling me sugar.

So I turned around, and therewas this young reporter.

I know just what you need, honest.

Well, of course you do.

You're Pitche's agent.

I just can't thank you enoughfor your family's support.

We of the theater, without your help,

would be just helplesscitizens plodding the streets.

Darling, this isJennifer, the understudy.

She was so good in Baltimore, you remember.

The banker's wife is over there.

Would you like some pate?

Oh, dear, no, don't give him that.

Why?

It's goose liver, darling.

You'll regret it.

Because I detest goose.

So now that the show is over, what's next?

The usual oblivion, perhaps another film,

if that genius over thereever finishes the script.

You're so inventive, youdon't need a writer anymore.

Listen, can I stay with you tonight?

Sure, why?

Well, because tonight, I just don't

feel like being the personsitting at home waiting.

Come on, let's go.

Have you seen Lilly, Ben?

She left ages ago.

Lucky Lilly.

Mr. Wynn.

Who called?

I just want to tell youhow much I admire your work.

I'm an actor too.

You have my deepest sympathies, my son.

I've got my firstShakespeare gig this summer.

I don't want to hear about it.

I was wondering if youcould give me some advice.

Why not?

Let us retire from this unspeakable gloom

and discuss it over a bottle.

I'm beginning to clash.

Harry the King.

- Bedford. - Bedford.

- Exetor. - Exetor.

- Warwick. - Warwick.

Harvard.

And all the rest be intheir flowing cups with--

[coughing]

Let the young hacks today wallow

in a monosyllabic miasma.

The Tudor poets, by God, they have balls.

They knew how to make our language fly.

Marlow's my man.

No, fear the triple region of the air,

and let the majesty of heaven--

behold their scourge andterror tread on emperors.

Smile, stars, that reigned at my nativity

and dim the brightness of your neighbor lamps,

for I, the cheapest lamp of all the earth

will send a fire to your turning spheres.

Then when a sky shall wax as red as blood,

it shall be said I made it red myself.

That's it.

That's why I've got to remember, use the words.

"Tamburlaine, part one, author Kit Marlowe,

address the [inaudible] fields.

God rest your soul, my dear kid.

Who is your favorite actor, boy?

De Niro?

No.

Anthony Hopkins. You.

Ha, how much did theyhave to pay you to say that?

You want to know what?

Apart from Cagney Stewart, Bogie, Tracey,

all those old timers, like Frank Morgan,

and [imitating actors] shy They really

held their business together.

God, bless you.

You want to know something?

I'd chuck all this Elizabethanmuck if I could only just

once make it big on the screen.

You really mean that?

Damn right, I mean it.

[piano music]

Good morning.

Good, good morning.

You genius.

You f-ing genius.

What?

It's marvelous.

What it?

Our new script.

Oh, Fitz, you haven't gone and read it.

I specifically wrote "hands off."

I thought that was the title.

It's catchy.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, Fitz, I could smack you.

You're glaring.

But I'm furious.

You were not supposed to read it.

Hey, kid, it's good.

You think?

It's the cat's jammies.

You think?

I know.

Oh, Fitz, give me a hug.

It's the best partyou've ever written for me.

Fitz, darling, Fitz, comeand sit down for a moment.

It's true, when I started to write it, it was.

It was for you.

But as it turned out, it's just it's

not the kind of part you play.

Oh, don't be a cow. I can play anything.

Oh, well, no.

That isn't exactly accurate.

Oh, the role fits me like a glove.

Let me read you a few bits,and you'll see in a second.

It's a romance, Fitz.

Just what I need,romance, a change of pace.

But it's about a married woman who

takes a vacation from her marriage

and falls in love with a gentle,tender European gentleman.

But I can be tender,romantic, European, Australian,

I can be a gent, I can be anything.

I'm an actor.

Yeah, I know.

But, darling, this is a film.

It's what you are that the camera picks up.

And what am I then?

m you're brilliant,electrifying, terrifying,

shattering on stage.

See, you're so silly.

You don't even realize you wrote it for me.

I'll read you a bit.

You'll see it in an absolute second.

Are you sitting down?

Are you listening.

She, I didn't know anyonelived in this castle.

He, are you touring alone in Europe?

She, and no.

As a matter of fact, I'm on my vacation.

Lilly?

Yes, darling.

He, a vacation from what?

I don't know, from my life, I think.

Actually, just whatpart are you reading for?

But [inaudible].

She, how did you know I was married?

He, I know a lot about you.

I even know what your husband is like.

If you want to play thewoman, the part is yours.

One look at the wife,and you know the husband.

Oh, you're back, Lilly.

Oh, my darling Rosanna.

Oh, you didn't wait up for us.

No, just for you.

If I waited up for him,I wouldn't get any sleep.

Oh, thank you.

You better get to bed.

Goodnight, Lily.

Bon wei, Mr. Wynn.

Bon wei, pretentious cow.

What is it with her?

Why is she always callingyou Lily and me Mr. Wynn?

Because she doesn't like you.

I'm going to make some coffee.

Swan?

Who's there?

Fitz, the lion.

I don't want to safari.

Fitz the wolf?

I've gone to grandmother's.

Fitz the moose.

Vamoose.

Oh, I've got the coffee.

Oh, come in.

Darling--

Oh, that's very kind.

--you look absolutely edible,radiant, ravishing, exquisite.

Thank you.

My god, you look divine in that thing.

I've had it on for hours, you know.

How did you like the party?

Boring, boring, boring.

Oh, you seemed to be having a good time.

Yes, every time.

Darling?

- Yes, I know what you want.- What?

- The part. - You're right.

Well, your not right.

The director doesn'tthink you're right either.

Oh.

Yes, he's brilliant, Hungarian.

Hungarian?

Yeah, and the leadinglady doesn't think you're

right either.

Oh, you've cast the leadinglady already, have you?

Yes.

And who might she be?

Alicia Braun.

Alicia Braun.

No, I don't seem to remember her.

Well, you have worked with her.

Oh, yes.

We played beautifully together.

Well, not in this one.

I have got to take a shower.

By the way, just where were you last night?

I was with my co-producer.

He doesn't think you're right either.

Oh, he doesn't, does he?

His name?

Jerry.

Oh, Jerry.

Jerry?

[frantic music playing]

Traitor.

Egregious snake.

Wake up, you perfidious hermit, you slime.

What do you want?

I want to put my foot upyour mouth, that's what I want.

Now, get out of that bed.

Well, what's going on?

Yes, play the innocentwith me, you damn sidewinder,

you Judas, plotting with my wife behind my back.

Hey, Lily is my client too.

Who gave it to you, putz?

Who's kept you going for 20 years?

Before you met me, the only client you had

was that sniveling fox terrierwho could barely cha-cha.

I made a lot of money out of that animal.

And who stood by you when every other agent

in the country was crawling to get me?

I'm on my knees.

Good, where you belong.

Now, just where did you getthe chutzspa to tell my wife

that role was not for me?

I told her because it's true.

It was made for me.

It's mine.

Ah, what do you know?

You're an actor.

Your style is epic, largerthan life, dangerous.

This isn't for you.

This role was made for a marmalade.

Leave it to the sweet guys.

I can be sweet, you 10percenter, you rug merchant.

All right, now you ask for it, and I'm going

to give it to you straight.

You messed up Lily's last two pictures,

and I'm not letting you anywhere near this one.

Messed them up?

I was brilliant.

You told me so yourself.

I'm a congenital liar, a 10% hooker.

When are you shooting?

Next month.

Where's the location?

In Budapest.

You cast the male lead in New York, right?

My lips are sealed.

Now, look, you thin Quasimodo.

I've been good to you when youdidn't have a pot to piss in

or a window to throw it out of.

You came to me.

Yes, master.

Best man at my wedding.

Guilty.

I've been serving time ever since.

Oh, come on, Jerry.

You're my greatest friend.

I'm your only friend.

And yet somehow, you always keep managing

to hook at this hooker.

What do you want?

I'll do it.

For my customaryjustifiably exorbitant fee.

OK.

Half of it.

Jerry.

I'll do it for nothing.

Please?

What do you say?

Mr. Producer.

[yawn]

Hello, Poet.

Oh, hello, ham.

I thought I'd go out to Mainefor a few days, the cabin,

put my feet up.

Oh, how lovely.

Do you want some company?

No, I'll be working on my one-man

Christopher Marlow evening.

I'm touring it this summer.

It's better if I'm alone.

Oh, I'd like to see that.

I just hope it doesn'tconflict with my Budapest trip.

What are you up to?

What's all that?

Oh, it's a bunch of photographs.

It's so hard.

Oh, my god, all frogs and meatball.

They're looking to somebody continental.

Oh, yes, gentle, tender, loving.

Yes.

Well, he's got something.

What?

Oh, god, no, no.

He's in love with himself.

Yeah, I see what you mean.

What exactly are you looking for?

Well, nice looking, early '40s, modest,

but manly, with that lovely simplicity

that some Italians have.

Why don't you go for blonde?

A blonde?

Yeah, a blonde.

There are plenty of blondeItalians from the North.

A blonde Italian, that's a good idea.

When are you leaving?

- Right now, this minute.- Oh, so soon?

Got the last, got the last.

Darling, are you going in your pajamas?

Oh.

Fitz, Fitz, did you take a sweater?

Got it.

Oh, did you take some booze?

The liquor stores are closed.

I have everything.

Have fun.

Is it not passing brave to be a king

and ride in triumph through Persepolis?

Save it to the customers, [inaudible]..

[clock ticking sound]

[clock tolling]

Campaign.

Yes.

It's so cheering.

And you said we had something to celebrate?

Yes, I found your leading man.

No.

No, no, no. Who?

Who?

His name is Roberto Terranova.

Roberto Terranova.

I've never heard of him.

Well, he's Italian.

He did some pictures for Fellini as a boy.

He did some Italian television,very independent type.

Well?

Can he act?

Oh, we had him read.

It's the kind of acting thatdoesn't seem like acting.

The camera loves him.

How's his English?

Perfect.

Nice.

He's Italian.

Can I see him?

That's the only problem.

He spent just one day in New York.

Oh, that's too bad.

He's very blonde.

Yeah, we've got to move fast on this.

Maybe we should just give the part to Fitz.

No.

No.

Hello?

Poet?

Oh, hello, ham.

I'm back.

Come on up here.

Hurry.

Hi.

I missed you.

Yeah?

You miss me?

You just wait until Iunpack and I'll show you.

Oh, no. You unpack later.

I want to ask your opinion or something.

Now, wait a minute.

What do you think of this actor?

Roberto Terranova.

He's OK.

OK.

Oh, come on.

He's a bit better than that.

What's he got a rug on his head?

No, I don't think that.

Jerry assures me he's 100% natural.

He says the camera loves him.

And his mother too.

Got, what an awful lot of teeth.

There's a sweet smile there, don't you think?

Too sweet.

Oh, come on.

Give him a break.

Don't you think he's got a nice,tender, beseeching quality?

No edges.

Edges are exactly what I don't want.

Well, you'll get a nice dull movie out of him.

Oh, you're not going tolike anybody I pick, are you?

Well, what the hell do you expect?

Oh, he's got a pretty nice kissy, actually.

Well, I don't know.

Perhaps you are right.

You usually are.

No, I think not.

I'll see you later.

MAN [ON RECORDING]: Good morning.

Buongiorno.

Good evening.

Buonasera.

Goodnight.

Buonanotte.

Hello.

Ciao.

Goodbye.

I'll see you.

LILY: Fitz.

MAN [ON RECORDING]: I will be seeing you.

Don't interrupt, darling.

I'm working on "Tamburlaine."

Well, fuck ye dams, I'll bridle all your tongues

and burn them close with bits of burnished steel

down to the channels of your hateful throats.

Oh, shut up.

And wherein with the painsmy rigor shall inflict,

I'll make ye roar, thatEarth may echo forth the far

resounding torments ye sustain.

I'm sorry to disturb you.

I just wanted to tellyou I've made up my mind.

Roberto Terranova.

I'll ride in golden armor, like the sun.

And in my helm, a triple plume shall spring.

[music playing]

I paid the manager of this hotel

a fortune to get you registeredas a Roberto Terranova.

Leslie Madam's Hotel.

Oh, it's right on top of thatlovely hill, which maybe we can

jump off of when she gets wise.

I've set up a meeting with her tomorrow.

I want to get this disasterover with while there's still

a chance to get another actor.

You've got your actor.

Oh, you'd think I'd put money in this picture.

[speaking italian].

Ciao.

Ciao.

[speaking italian]

Grazie Grazie.

Have you got any funny money?

All I got is dollars.

Green's the favorite color around here.

Give the kid a break.

[speaking italian]

Prego.

Prego.

Is this your entire repertoire?

Prego? Ciao?

Giao?

Riao?

I am always hoping English to speak.

Oh, boy, I better spreadthe word around here

that you're retarded.

[string music]

[birds chirping]

Well, Lily, here he is, your leading man.

I'm so pleased to meet you.

[speaking italian].

Well, what's your pleasure, Roberto?

Please?

What do you want to drink?

Uno scotch.

Jerry tells me you're from the North of Italy.

It is true, [inaudible]

Yes, that's where the hams come from.

It's true.

We'll have two scotches.

The script you write, so, so delicate.

I read, I smile, I touch the--

Words.

Echo, the words.

Like it?

Oh, the story, two strangers, they--

Meet.

Si, a man marry the woman.

They are having only one--

One thing in mind.

No, they are havingonly one day in Budapest.

Exactly.

They must put a life in one day.

A lifetime in one day.

Perfecto.

It's so beautiful.

You really do like it.

You, you--

Me.

You have dipped your pen in--

Blood.

In--

Ink?

No, no, no, no, no, in--

tears.

Oh, tears.

Yes, yes, I have.

I have dipped my pen in tears.

And you make a poem.

Oh, that's very sweet of you.

You [speaking italian].

Well, listen, I hate to break up the party,

but you've got a wardrobe appointment.

Oh, forgive, Senora.

Forgive.

Arrivederci.

Arrivederci.

He'll have every woman eating out of his hand.

[bell tolling]

Would you like to shoot here?

Depends on Lily.

Well, I think it's ravishing.

What do you think, Theodore?

Up to you, dear.

Well, camera man, OK?

I think so.

Ah, ciao, Roberto.

Well, are you avoiding us?

No, no, no, no.

[speaking italian] I mustbe thinking of my parts.

Look at that.

It's fantastic. - All right.

Great.

[interposing voices]

Do you have the time?

Yes, yes.

[speaking italian]

What does it mean?

I bet it means it's for rent.

Do you think so?

Isn't it beautiful?

Yeah, I guess so, if you like the country.

Sit down.

Thank you.

[inaudible].

Anybody recognize you yet?

Are you kidding?

They wouldn't recognizeMickey Mouse in this place.

This reminds me when I was in Hollywood.

There was a big party, .

Garbo was there.

And the young actor, little silly boy, he

didn't know who she was.

Are you in the movies too,he says to Greta Garbo.

Do you know what she did?

What?

She starred--

Come over, I found a great old bench.

You've got to see.

You see?

Well.

Ciao, Lily.

Oh, oh, oh, Roberto.

You really frightened me.

It's heavenly here.

Oh, si.

[speaking italian]

Come and join me on the old bench bencher.

everybody's wondering whyyou're staying in another hotel

so far away.

The piece.

I need.

Everybody thinks you have a lady friend.

No.

Oh, come on, we know you Italians.

It really is beautiful here in Hungary.

It's so simple.

And New York, you say, it's not so good?

No.

No, I was very glad to get away.

It's so sad when one's life is winding down.

Winding down?

No, winding.

Winding down.

What does it mean, winding down?

Winding.

Oh, Roberto, I don't wantto talk about my marriage

on such a beautiful day.

[whistling]

Hold it.

Exhibit A, thank you.

Ciao.

[gong]

[speaking italian]

[out of tune piano playing]

What I wanted was something really kind

soft around the facewith little puff sleeves.

Do you like it?

You're describing it.

It's gorgeous.

[speaking italian]

CREW: Places.

CREW: Hey, guys, what about the wind machine?

Boys, the director needsa tender breeze, got it?

Places, everybody.

This is their time places.

[speaking italian]

CREW: Camera ready.

Sound ready.

[speaking italian]

We are ready to shoot, sir.

Stand by.

Slated.

[speaking italian].

Action.

[clearing throat]

Oh, you startled me.

I didn't know anybody lived here.

[speaking italian].

You are alone in Budapest.

up

Yes, only for a bit.

[inaudible].

[laughter]

It's the [inaudible] storm.

[laughing]

[speaking italian].

CREW: Attention, we are rolling.

Slayed it.

[speaking italian].

CREW: Action.

Are you along in Budapest?

Yes, yes, but only, only for a day.

I'm on holiday here.

Holiday, from where?

From my life, I guess.

From your husband, I guess.

I have a feeling I know what he's like.

Really?

One look at the wife,and you know the husband.

And what is my husband like?

Blind.

[speaking italian].

Superb.

Bravo.

Bravo.

Bravo.

Roberto, you were marvelous.

Well, I guess we've better take a break.

Big talent.

Big talent.

What's happened?

What's happened Jerry?

I better go see.

[whistle]

He's really good.

She kissed him, huh?

Oh, shit.

She kissed him.

She kissed him.

She kissed him on the mouth twice.

That's show business.

It's a phony tradition.

It doesn't mean a thing.

Oh, no, no, baby.

It is indubitably clear to me that our dear Mrs.

Wynn is falling head overheels for that slimy piece

of mozzarella.

Lest we forget, that slimypiece of mozzarella is you.

Can't you see what's goingon, you cantankerous creton?

She doesn't know it's me.

My wife is kissinganother man on his mouth.

It's your mouth.

You don't get it, do you, you schmuck?

Momma mia, what an idiota crazy asshole I've been.

She's writing the script so she can sneak over

here with the goulash with the gypsy violin

so she can get her kisswhile that stupid cackled

son of a bitch husband isin New York sprouting horns.

Why so high?

[string music playing]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Lily?

Fitz.

Fitz, is that you?

Lily?

What a fantastic connection.

How are you?

How are you darling?

- I miss you madly. - Yes, I know.

Yes, I know.

It's hell here without you too.

Oh, you're not having any fun.

How's your blonde Italian?

Oh, he's dreamy.

Oh, you were so right to suggest him.

He pleases you, does he?

Yes, yes, he does.

He's taken us all by storm.

He's shy, and gentle, andmanly, devastating looking.

And do you know?

He's a fine, fine actor.

How's the tour coming?

I'm getting bored with it.

I think I'll cut it shortand come over to Budapest.

Oh, no, darling.

Darling, don't do that.

Why not?

Well, you know how it is with the film unit.

It's all become a tight little group now.

You'll just feel in the way.

You know how you feel.

No, don't come, Fritz.

Is that dago creep making passes at you?

Well, darling, I'm terribly sorry.

I know this sounds awfullyrude, but I really have to go.

Everybody's at the door waiting for me.

We said we'd go out for supper.

Well, take care of yourself.

Now, don't drink too much.

Yeah, a big hug.

Yeah, bye.

Bye.

Oh.

[knocking]

Two-toned strumpet.

[knocking]

What do you want?

Senior Terranova, it's for you.

Well, go on, get out of here.

Roberto, you can be my leading man any time.

Lily.

[accordion music]

You, American?

Right.

Right.

You get three cars, three television,

three refrigerators.

But your woman, she got no place.

No breasts, huh?

No.

I'm going to kill her, Jerry.

I'm going to kill that woman.

Presents she's given me.

Gifts, and little notes.

My brother over there, he says in America

he has a new woman, the verylarge brain, long thin feet.

No kidding?

And you know what she'ssaying in these little notes?

Roberto, you can be my leading man any time.

Then the American woman is[inaudible] plastic breasts,

plastic teeth, plastic [inaudible]..

Plastic too?

Hey, hey, hey.

Skoal. Skoal.

Skoal.

Here's to that bitch I married,

that treacherous bitch.

Italy is my home.

But there was a castle here.

It was one of the propriety--

Oh, property.

--properties here of my family.

When I was small, I spentmany happy hours here.

Oh, I can imagine.

Yes, it's beautiful.

[inaudible].

facade.

Oh.

But there is this little summer house.

May I show it to you?

Oh, I'd be delighted to see it.

Yes, indeed.

Miklos, you are waiting down that tree.

MAN: Si, Baroni.

Oh, Baroni.

So you are a baron, huh?

It's nothing, minor Italiannobility, [inaudible]..

Oh, grazie, Baroni.

[interposing voices]

Oh, there you are.

The director says you wanted tospeak to me about the script.

Oh, no, no, no, not about the script.

It is marvelous.

Lily?

Lily, are you pleased with my performance?

Pleased?

Well, you've seen the rushes.

Is as though you werereaching out of the screen

to every woman in the audience.

How do you do that?

Well, it's not acting.

It's what I feel about a women.

Oh.

For what is a man?

He's working.

He struggle.

Sit, please.

He lie, cheat, he kill, but for a woman.

You know what a man's life tastes

like without a woman like this.

Oh, for God's sake.

Roberto.

Si, you're right.

Lily, I love you.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Please, come with to me tonight.

I'm sorry.

You've misunderstood me.

I'm married.

My marriage could be a lotbetter, but I do believe in it.

Thank you very much all the same.

Grazie.

What do you know?

You were right.

She doesn't give a damn about me, Roberto.

Remember where youheard it first, sonny boy.

Haha.

[bell tolling]

Lily?

[interposing voices]

Well, a nice kind of little game.

Oh, come on, everybodywants to play a little game?

[interposing voices]

Everybody wants to play a little game.

All right, tell you what it is.

Lily is going to place her hands on the table.

Oh, no.

Yes, oh yes, you will.

I'm going to blindfold you.

Shh, Jerry.

Whoever puts their hands on Lily's hands,

she will guess who it is, OK?

What do you say?

She's terrific at it.

OK, very good.

Now, I need a scarf. Scarf?

Who's got a scarf? Scarf?

Scarf?

Oh, yours is too small.

Yeah well-- oh, that's a good one.

May I?

Yep, you've got to ask [inaudible]??

You know it.

You're no friend of mine,Jerry, you really aren't.

There we are.

Jerry, you aren't a friendof Lily's, that's terrible.

OK, Lily.

There.

Oops.

OK.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's

start our little secret, huh?

OK, we start with the--

with you, all right.

All right, let's start with you.

No, no.

Fine.

OK, here we go.

Well?

Miklos.

Very good.

Hey, bravo.

[applause]

That's great.

How about that?

All right.

And now let's see what we are going to do.

We're going to choose you.

Mata Hari.

OK, very good.

I don't know you.

You're angry.

The waiter. The waiter.

[interposing voices]

[applause]

Well, Lily, dear, who is it?

Oh, I--

Look at her.

She's as nervous as a cat.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Liar.

No, I don't.

Oh, oh, it's you.

Where have you been?

Exhibit B.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Caio, Lily.

Oh, Roberto?

Lily, tomorrow we arehaving the day off, no shoots.

Yes?

So I'm thinking, while arewe not having a nice trip

in the country?

In the country?

Oh, yes, yes, that would be nice.

Just you.

Just me.

Well, you know that littlehouse I rented in Cherbourg.

Well, I could go down tomorrowmorning and open it up.

You could come later for super?

You could stay over if you like.

[speaking italian]

Do you remember the house?

Si, si.

Oh, Roberto, we must be careful.

Nobody must know about this.

Of course, what do you think?

Tomorrow at 6:00 then?

Can I bring something?

Just to toothbrush.

What am I doing?

Just my toothbrush.

[speaking italian]

Hello?

Oh, how wonderful. [speaking italian]

You have everything.

Thank you, in the kitchen.

Thank you.

Oh, champagne.

Oh--

[speaking italian].

Yes.

No.

I don't need it.

You put it where they cook, inwhere they cook for the cook.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

No, down, down, if you put-- no, over

here in the area so that itgets fresh, [inaudible] in the--

[goose call]

--oh.

[honk]

Roberto.

Roberto, I'm so pleased to see you.

You must have driven so fast.

Roberto, they're beautiful.

Thank you.

Come in, please.

It's a beautiful day.

Be careful when you come in.

Oh, I should have warned you, sir.

Lovely roses.

I put them in water.

Oh, would you open the champagne?

I do apologize about the ice bucket.

Oh, it's orginiali.

It's so beautiful, so simple.

Well, that's what I like about the country.

Everything is so simple.

Splendido.

Bravo.

I love the champagne.

The bubbles, it's like life, no?

The bubbles, they come up, and they

lift up our hearts with them.

And then they go pop.

But there's always coming the more bubbles.

And the bubbles, they go poop,and up is come another bubble.

[speaking italian]

You have a very poetic streak.

Every man is a poet.

But he not know this.

It is the woman who bring out the poet.

Oh, I have something for you.

Come with me.

I've got a surprise for you.

Mind your head.

Goose liver.

My husband doesn't like it, so Inever have a chance to have it.

The other day you told me you loved it.

Well, I don't--

Oh, please, I got it especially for you.

But please.

Come, please.

Isn't it marvelous?

Mm, me.

Here, have another bit.

No.

No, later, later.

Grazie.

Oh, my god.

My god, the goose.

The goose?

Well, where did youthink I got the liver from?

Silly.

It's a beautiful evening.

The lights are so soft.

You know, when a woman reaches a certain age,

lighting becomes very important.

Oh, the woman I love, she loved

the light to show everybody sheis loved by Roberto Terranova.

Oh, come on.

Roberto, we know youItalians lock up real women

and close the shutters.

No, no, it's never[inaudible] that statement.

I want the woman to be complete.

- Complete. - Complete.

I'm sorry.

How do you mean complete?

The woman I am look for is not just a body.

She is the brain, the feeling.

A man must love all of her.

Well, that's pretty heady stuff, Roberto.

Heady?What does this mean heady?

Heady?

It means you're very nice.

Should we go in?

What is it with you?

You are always advancing, retreating,

advancing, retreating.

Ever since I am met you, Inever know where I am with you.

Well, you'll just have to find out, won't you?

You're not a serious woman.

Oh, I am.

I'm a lot more serious than you think.

Then seriously, whatdo you look for in a man?

What does any woman look for in a man?

Fun, romance.

Is that all?

Well, it will do for starters.

Come on.

It's good.

The theater seems along way away, doesn't it?

Speaking of the theater,I saw your husband's "Romeo"

in London.

Did you?

Wasn't it a hoot?

A hoot?

No, he was magnificent.

Well, well, yes, hehandled the verse very well.

Don't you think 48 is a bit old for Romeo?

Oh, but he was so young.

He nearly got away with it.

He's one of the four or five great actors.

But I'll tell you something,you're as good as he is.

You think?

I know.

That is compliment.

Yes, I know the real thing when I see it?

Do you?

But did you see his "Tamburlaine."

Oh.

Many, many times.

Roberto, I thought youcame down here to see me.

Who wants to talk about that shit head.

Shit head?

No, no, not a shit head exactly.

Let's face it.

He is a mess.

A mess?

No, he is.

No, he is a shit head.

I stand by it.

Well, you're in the theater.

You know how actors can be.

How are they?

Selfish.

It's so?

Yes.

When they're looking at you, they're not.

They're not really looking at you.

They're just looking at you tosee how their performance is

going over.

Fitz is like that.

But he's a great talent.

He's stupeno. - Oh, well, yes.

Perhaps.

But you can't eat stupendo forbreakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Oh, anyway, let's face it.

He's not very bright.

No?

No.

You can't imagine what I haveto do to get through to him.

I try to do it in thedialogue I write for him,

send him little messages.

But he never gets it.

Still, it amuses me to hearhim say the same lines over

and over again every night.

It does, does it?

Why do you marry him?

Well, I saw him on the stage, and I

fell in love with his talent.

Just unfortunately, the man turned out to be

not quite so big as his talent.

But if he is so stupid and such

shit head, why you stay with him?

Now that is a very good question.

There must be something nice about him, no?

Maybe he's a nice lover?

No.

Well, no, nothing to write home about.

Does he know this?

Well, no.

No, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't hurt him for the world.

You lied to him then in the bed?

Roberto, all women lie to menin bed, perhaps even to you.

Lily, you are a beautiful woman.

Oh, come on.

No, look, around your eyes,the corners of your mouth.

Happiness did that, I am betting.

Your husband must haveloved you very much once.

Did he?

Once.

Lily, come with me.

Come.

Come.

Sit.

Put your hands on the arms.

Who is it?

It's you.

And who am I?

The only man in the world.

It's not fair that we haveto find each other so late.

With your husband, was he ever like this?

It's been so long, I can't remember.

Can you?

I'll make some coffee.

Good morning, darling.

Oh, good morning.

Oh, welcome to Hungary.

Thank you, darling.

I wondered how long you'dlast without a cigarette.

I hadn't thoughtadultery was in your line.

Oh?

I didn't think blond Italians were in yours.

No, but you were completely taken in.

Darling, no, not completely.

Oh?

Actually, it was a very good performance.

Oh, thank you.

It went a littleoverboard with the charm,

didn't you think?

I do not.

Oh, I liked it.

I liked it.

Our lives have been a little short of charm,

wouldn't you say?

Overboard.

I have never been accusedof going overboard.

I don't care what you say.

He totally convinced you.

No, he didn't.

I think he nearly convinced you.

No, actually, I did believe a lot of it.

But I do know the real thing when I see it.

Do you?

Yes.

Come on, Fitz, how long we been married?

Too long, I suppose.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, for goodness sake.

Have some coffee.

We've got to turn that charm back on.

We're shooting again later.

Not with this charm, you're not.

Fitz, did you have a nice night?

Is everything OK?

Is everything OK?

You gum-brained idiot?

There's three dead bodies lying in there.

This ridiculous little Casanova you dreamt up.

He's all yours.

Our marriage and my whole bloody life.

Fitz.

Fitz.

What do we do now about the movie?

What do we do about the movie?

My marriage has just been shot to hell,

and you say what do we do about the movie.

Don't you care?

Of course, I care.

You two have been plotting behind my back

all along, first to get him the role,

and then to get him toromance me in Italian drag.

You must think I'm a perfect fool.

Are you sure you didn'tknow it was Fitz the minute

you laid eyes on Roberto?

I don't know.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,

I didn't know what I thought.

All I know is that there was this warm, tender,

loving man, all the things thatFitz hasn't been for years.

And now look at this mess you've got us into.

You've got to get us out of it, Jerry.

I'll be brilliant.

[music playing]

Ticket to New York, please.

To New York?

That's right, New York, USA, America.

[speaking italian]

Yes, call a press conference.

Get a mob of reporters.

Yeah, well, grease their palms with silver.

Tell them it's an artistic eventof international importance.

Yes, and listen.

Listen, Roberto Terranovabella, Roberto Terranova

is Fitzroy Wynn. Yes.

Yes.

Play it up big.

Get a big cake.

Cameras, and flashbulbs,and microphones.

He can't resist a microphone.

Yes, lots of television cameras, flashbulbs,

microphones.

What do you mean I can't leave the country?

I'm Fitzroy Wynn, the actor.This is outrageous.

Where is your visa?

I have told you.

I have no visa, you silly little man.

Where is your passport?

Oh, now you want my passport.

Well, this is my passport.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

This is my passport.

Oh, so I haven't got one.

Does it matter?

Everybody knows me.

What did you say your name was?

Roberto Terranova.

No, Fitzroy Wynn.

Now, look, would you listen to me just

very carefully for a moment.

See, sometimes I am Roberto Terranova.

You understand?

And sometimes I am Fitzroy Wynn.

Now, you get me out ofthis godforsaken country,

or I'll be forced to call the American ambassador.

There is no American ambassador.

Oh, there is no American ambassador.

Well, then let me ask you something.

Would you like to be theman responsible for a rather

unattractive international incident?

And you will get me out of thiscountry today at once, now.

There are no planes to[inaudible] tomorrow morning.

No planes?

Oh, excuse me.

Excuse me.

[interposing voices]

Mr. Wynn, statement for "The Trib."

Please, is it true that Fitzroy Wynn is really

Roberto Terranova.

I haven't anything to discuss now.

I'm sorry.

Please, please, I've been extremely ill.

This has all been a shattering experience.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Please, I have told you I have nothing to say.

[non-english speech]

Just one more question, sir.

Darling, I knew it was you all the time.

The fuck you did.

Oh, yes, I think it's a sweetlittle country [inaudible]..

Where are they all going?What's the matter?

Oh, peasants.

The insensitive and delicatemistiming of the press

never ceases to baffle me.

Mr. Wynn, we've been toldthat what you have done

is one of the mostextraordinary acting feats

in the history of the cinema.

Oh?

Really?

Are they really saying that?

Yes.

Well, perhaps you betterall come in and hear my side.

The fact is that--

good lord, what's all this?

Well, the fact is--

the truth is that in my foolish innocence,

I never could resist a challenge.

And Coriolanus, Lear, "Tamburlaine."

Your Roberto Terranova role, was that all

a stunt to sell the picture?

Oh, no.

Good god, no.

I never thought that for a moment.

It's simply that we actors have to stretch

ourselves from time to time.

That's all.

I never would have dreamed that I

could have thrown so much ofmy own life into this project.

But we must experiment.

We must take chances.

And sometimes we make mistakes.

It happens to the best of us.

It happened here in Budapest.

And so it grieves me to have totell you that as of tomorrow,

Fitzroy when will no longer be in this--

I'm terribly sorry.

Fitzroy Wynn will nolonger be in this picture.

Now, all of you, get the hell out.

[inaudible]

Go.

Out.

Adieu.

Arrivederci.

Auf Weidersehen.

Goodbye.

[phone ringing]

Fitzy?

Can I just very calmlystate a few facts to you?

Fact one, we are the partnersof the Hungarian government.

You are not being a nice partner.

Fact two, you have just put 58people out of work, including

Istvan, that nice little grip with the club foot

who's supporting his widowed mother

and his sister whosehusband ran away to Canada.

They are all counting on you.

That is the burden of being a star.

Now, in all the time I've known you,

you've been selfish, vain, inconsiderate,

a bully to your friends, anda lousy husband to your wife,

but you have never been unprofessional.

The name Fitzroy Wynn stoodfor something in the theater.

Well, you slipped uppretty badly today, buddy.

Come out of their, Fitz.

You're better than this.

[goose call]

MAN: Your husband, who's the master.

MAN: Very good.

The woman?

MAN: Very good cooking.

MAN: Sounds great.

But the American woman,she got good taste, yeah?

Yeah.

My wife is very large in the brain department.

She writes all the lines.

I just spit them out.

Fitz, it's Lily, Lily the swan, Lily the dove,

Lily the goose.

Thank you.

[horse whinnying]

[laughter]

[murmuring]

Am I really as starved as all that?

Cara mia, you were ravenous.

Ravenous.

Ravenous.

You are a hard woman to match.

You're so stingy.

Stingy.

Well, I should have knownbetter than to marry an actor.

The woman was beloved, loved, loved.

Yes, yes, but he's fallenin love with himself.

He's not a remarkable Joe, is he?

No, but I'll never get tired of your voice.

[gasp]

Whore out of hell.

Oh, my god, it's my husband.

Take a walk.

Take a walk.

I'll make thee with theearth had swallowed thee.

[gunshot]

[gunshot]

Please, don't.

[gunshot]

Why do you try and eat someof your beloved goose liver,

you quivering pompous.

I don't like very much the goose.

Eat.

[speaking italian]

Eat.

I eat.

[speaking italian] I eat.

My I eat.

Caio, Bambino.

Caio.

[gunshot]

I adore you.

Now you tell me.

[applause]

[sirens]

Swan?

Fitz the lion.

Fitz the wolf?

Fitz the man?

Hello, lamb.

Were you looking for me?

Well, yes.

I wanted to ask you something.

I have had these annoying littlesuspicions that you actually

wanted me to find your script.

Have you?

Yeah.

I don't know.

It's just silly of me, I suppose.

But it did occur to me thatyou cooked this whole thing up.

Why would I do a thing like that?

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm probably wrong.

I usually am.

Lily--

Should we have a drink?

Ol .

What's wrong?

I don't know.

I just never seem toknow where I am with you.

I'm on your side, shit head.

[gong]

Are you coming?

I'll be in my room.

I just wanted to make a few notes.

I've got a very good idea for a script.

[music playing]

You're still the star I wish upon.

I know you'll always be,because I see as time goes

on how you still shine for me.

And after all is said anddone, it hasn't been in vain.

You've always been the only one.

And this will never change.

Far beyond the dreams we dreamed.

Promises we made.

Acting out a million scenes,when love's a double play.

Throughout my lie, charade with you,

it's here my heart remains.

No other love could be so true,and this will never change.

And after all is said and done,it's here my heart remains.

You've always been the onlyone, and this will never change.

And this will never change.