Original subtitles

Hello.

Barry, my bud.

We just wanted to check in before our jet blasts off.

We're trusting you with the house while we're gone.

Just use your best judgment.

I judge these canapés to be delicious and easy to say.

canapés, easy on the tongue in two different ways.

Check it out!

For a quiet night in, I made Canaplops.

Damn it!

Barry, baby, quiet night in?

Canaplops? What are you talking about?

We got your parents' house to ourselves.

Your parents' party house.

And Steve and Toshi leave tomorrow to pitch

their "Bow ties for babies" idea on Shark Tank.

We gotta party.

It's true, Barry. We must party.

This mini fridge is stocked with energy drinks.

No way. Those are my parents' Freak Fuels,

for sex time.

They're off-limits.

And your dad's hi-fi stereo

is begging to be played.

Absolutely off-limits.

My dad loves his stereo more than poonani.

His words.

Barry, nothing's off-limits.

Nothing?

But why?

Because you're Barry. You're a pushover, dude.

It's, like, what we love most about you.

Steve, show Barry what I mean.

You guys.

My dad's speakers!

Barry, chill. It's not that bad.

Nope, these are ruined forever.

Snot, I need you to run damage control on this one.

Shark Tank Junior has a strict no bad boys policy.

So, Tosh and I gotta distance ourselves from this cluster.

Is that true, Toshi?

No, no, no.

Toshi doesn't really talk anymore.

Good morning, USA.

I got a feeling That it's gonna be a wonderful day.

The sun in the sky Has a smile on his face.

And he's shining a salute To the American race.

Oh, boy, it's swell to say.

Good morning, USA Ah!

Good morning, USA!

We're trusting you with the house.

Use your best judgment, Barry. You're so screwed, Barry.

Barry, get your head out of the speaker.

You're right, Snot.

My head should be in the oven.

I'm going to kill myself before my dad kills me.

Hey, no one's killing Barry, Barry.

Look! I searched Craigslist

and found the exact same model speakers,

"Restored JCL 100s."

No way! There's dinner rolls in here.

Just text the guy.

"Hi.

"I'm interested in the speakers

"you have for sale."

Now we wait.

"I heard you want to buy some speakers."

Now we go.

Uh, I'm not sure that's your best look, Stan.

What? Why?

'Cause one of your balls just came out.

Oh, my God.

My old wrestling singlet is my most athletic garment.

And I'll need it if I'm finally going to execute a standing back flip.

Since when have you wanted to flip?

Oh, you, Francine.

You know I've always wanted to do a back flip.

Okay, whatever. Do a flip.

A back flip.

Today, it's stretching, flexibility and strength training.

Okay, now it's both balls.

Oh, God, oh, God.

You're a cool dad, Stan.

Well, this is it.

Ring the bell.

I was peeping through my peephole.

Name's Wally Roble.

But call me Roble.

Um, I'm Snot.

And this is Barry.

Mind if I call you both Roble?

Yeah, just effing ya.

I mean, effing with ya.

I'm an audiophile, not a pedophile,

for crying out loud.

Get in here. All my neighbors are pedophiles.

So, which boy is interested in my speakers?

That'd be me, boy Barry.

Watch where you're walking. I got speaker parts all over the place.

Last thing I need is one of you stepping on a woofer.

Damn it! Now I'm stepping on woofers.

Oh, well, Guess as long as you buy my speakers, no harm, no foul.

You are a serious buyer, aren't you?

Yes.

Whew. Good. I don't like people wasting my time kicking tires.

This is Khaleesi.

She also only likes serious buyers.

Khaleesi, huh? Cool, like from Game of Thrones.

Never heard of it. I'm more of a Big Bang guy myself.

That's what inspired me to live in an apartment.

Well, here they are.

My JCL 100s.

A lot of blood, sweat and tears went into restoring these babies.

They look great.

Thank you.

Thank you for saying that.

Now, for the demo.

Sit, sit. So, what did you bring to listen to?

Uh, I didn't bring anything.

I suppose I can dig something up for you.

I feel stupid for even asking,

but you guys are huge Rush fans, yes?

Uh, he's staring at us.

Maybe I should just tell my dad what happened.

No, we're almost home free.

Yeah! Love that energy!

I think I hear some fuzz from the left speaker and my dad...

What you chatting about?

How rad my speakers are?

Yep. Well, thanks so much.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, demo's not over.

You just gotta hear it on cassette.

May I offer you a craft ice cube, Mrs. S?

Interesting shape, Jeff.

Is this an octahedral-dodecahedral?

It's Olaf.

The funny snowman from the princess show.

Mmm! Makes my vodka and squirt nice and cold.

I read that the secret to executing a standing back flip

is building up loads of arm momentum.

Boo! You're flipping on grass?

Flip on the concrete, nerd.

Hayley's right.

I need more at stake.

Concrete flip it is.

- Dad! Dad! - Oh, my God!

I got the whole thing on tape.

That first back flip tasted so good, I think I might have one more.

Oh, I forgot to put the tape in.

You got to do that all again, Stan.

They call me the working man.

I'm doing a dang demo. Ah!

You see that?

Bird's crazy.

So, what do you think, boy Barry?

We got a deal?

Well, you did do a really nice job on these, but...

But you want me to throw in this katana?

You look like a sword guy.

Yee-ah!

I could cut your head clean off. Ah!

Listen, Mr. Roble.

Barry just needs some time to think.

Tell you what.

How about you run down to Starbucks, talk it over and call me in 20 minutes?

Yeah, yeah, we'll call you.

- In 20 minutes. - Yeah.

Let's go.

When we get to Starbucks, just run in.

We only got 20 minutes.

Pull the car over.

Barry, you're not buying speakers from that lunatic

because I just found new-in-box.

JCL 100s cheaper on eBay.

But I said I was a serious buyer.

Who cares? You're a pushover.

You're going to do whatever you're told.

Go on.

Oh! Roble's FaceTiming me.

Get your fat ass back here and buy my speakers.

Okay.

- Barry, we're not going back. - Wouldn't dream of it.

- Barry, turn that car around. - Ten-four.

- No way! - You got it.

- Get back here. - Away we go.

- Keep going. - Yes, sir.

Turn.

- Heading to you. - Just hang up.

You smarmy piece of garbage.

You were never a serious buyer.

If that speaker has even one scratch on it, you're a dead man.

Step on it!

So I set up the other guy's speakers we found on eBay,

and I don't think my dad notices they're different.

I guess I'm in the clear.

All right, I'll pass it on to Schmuely.

- And this is his fat friend? - Yep.

Barry, can you come out here a minute?

I got to go, baby.

We need to talk, mister.

You are in big,

big congratulations zone.

- What? - I'm proud of you

for keeping the house in one piece.

Have a blast of air as a little thank you.

Freak Fuel is all accounted for, too,

and starting to kick in.

How about you quit making love to that hi-fi, teddy bear,

and funnel one of these bad boys into your dick hole?

Hmm, looks like somebody had a long, nasty, dank-ass slip.

It was me, Doc.

Nasty as they come.

Do you mind?

I'm talking to the slipper.

Says here an oddly shaped piece of ice

was responsible for this incredible, incredible slip.

Would you say it looked something like this?

Yeah, except a little bit up on this side

and a little bit down on that side.

Of course. That would lead to infinite slip.

Not that I care.

It's just that would be very interesting

to someone who devoted their whole life to the science of slipping.

Dr. Slippy?

Get away from my patient.

No problem.

I think I got everything I needed.

Anyway, Stan, I have horrible news.

You will never walk again.

- Oh, God! - Do you mind?

Because of the nature of your fall,

you will only be able to back flip from now on.

I'm so confused.

Why was Dr. Slippy here?

Ugh, he's always sniffing around the slip ward,

looking for slippery things to patent.

But, Stan, did you hear me?

You'll never walk again.

Oh, God, is he going to patent the ice shape?

- Is that worth money? - Totally.

If he cracks the slip barrier, it would be worth billions.

I need to get to the patent office before Dr. Slippy!

But you can't walk!

Then I'll back flip.

Yeah, I'm gonna stay here.

He didn't finish his pills.

Doctor! A truck full of banana peels tipped over on the highway.

We've got 35 slip victims headed this way.

Call my wife.

Tell her something hilarious is happening.

It's just Dad.

Roble?

Oh, good. It's just a speaker.

Yee-ah!

Hello?

Barry dead.

Dad, please tell me I'm having a nightmare.

I wish, because then when you wake up,

my JCLs wouldn't sound so off.

They sound fine to me.

Barry, they're not even on.

Still.

Not to worry.

I got a guy coming to fix 'em.

Hey there, buckaroo.

Barry, what's gotten into you?

- Sorry about that, Mr. Roble. - Please. Just Roble.

Of course. I'm Ted.

Mind if I call you Roble?

He gets it.

Real nice JCL 100s.

I actually just restored a set of these babies for the second time.

Whoa! Not so fast.

You're dead.

That's a good joke.

Roble was in my house, Snot.

Listen.

Here's what you gotta do.

Go to the police

and tell them Roble showed you his dick.

No. I'm done being a pushover, and I'm going to do

what I wanted to do in the first place.

I'm telling my dad everything.

Mike, this Roble guy was stalking my son.

Easy, teddy bear.

I got this.

We demand a restraining order.

Agreed. My client will not come within 100 yards of Barry or his family.

In addition, my client's petition

for visitation rights with Barry has been withdrawn.

I don't even know why he asked for that.

Hey, let me grab you a sec before that restraining order kicks in

and I have to yell everything from 100 yards.

You're still a pushover.

Nuh-uh. I stood up for myself.

No, not really, no.

Your daddy and his lawyer stood up to me.

But you? No.

No, you did not stand up to me. No, no.

Say, what's going on with your face?

Never mind. I don't care. Bye.

Come on, poo already, butthole!

"Motion at your front door."

Cool.

Well, well, well.

Look who came crawling back for my speakers.

But if he thinks I'm gonna straight-up trade for that sledgehammer...

Well, I don't know, today I could. I'm feeling it.

Who's standing up for himself now?

The 10 second delay!

Khaleesi, help!

Call the police and tell them to bring toilet paper!

You sure you want to press charges?

He'll do some time if you do.

Good. Some serious time for an unserious buyer.

Doing time for wasting my time.

Anyways, you guys wanna come in for some White Claws?

Sounds good.

Make them pay.

Robinson, you're getting out.

Pack it up.

Don't tell me what to do!

This job's the worst.

Stan, it's been three months.

You've got to get over the fact that you couldn't back flip to the patent office

as fast as Dr. Slippy could slip there.

But I'm the one who slipped on it.

I should be the flipping billionaire.

I'll get it.

No, I can do it.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the man who couldn't help me at all.

I'm here because I've developed a new technique that might restore

your ability to walk.

A new technique, you say?

Yes, the idea is I fuse the L3 a little higher over here

and a little lower over here.

Of course.

Sounds groundbreaking.

Now tell me, Doc, have you had a chance to patent this technique of yours?

I was going to swing by the patent office right after I told you.

Oh, really?

Excuse me, I have to go flip somewhere. I'll be right back.

Oh, no, you don't.

Whee!

Okay, okay. We'll take a break from Big Bang.

- What you want to watch? - Shark Tank.

Wow.

Hi, sharks.

I'm Steven Anita Smith.

And this is my business partner, Toshi Yoshida.

And, boy, do we have something special for you.

Toshi?

Looks kind of big.

I know what you're thinking, sharks.

This is just a drawing of a bow tie.

Well, imagine if this drawing was an actual bow tie.

And that it was about the size of a fun-sized Snickers bar.

Well, that's smaller.

Now, in your brains,

imagine that fun-sized bow tie is on a baby.

Oh, my God, that's fantastic!

Lucky kids.

You should have come up with that idea.

Oh, free lawn chair.

Our luck's changing.

Oh, no, Khaleesi!

Our luck's changing back.

Wait, you're here, too?

I guess when it comes to kidnapping, I'm your second choice.

I'm going to leave. I don't feel special anymore.

Shut up! You're both going to pay.

Okay. You sound angry.

I get that.

You got locked up for three months because of him.

But why am I here?

You started this whole thing by making me blow up my dad's speakers.

I just wanted a quiet night in with canapés.

Hey, I said it right.

Maybe to celebrate, you should let us go.

I'm up for a celebration.

Grab a bite.

- Ever been to Bubba Gump's? - Shut up!

Guess he doesn't like shrimp.

Barry, what are you doing?

I'm going to blow out your eardrums

like you made me blow out my dad's speakers.

Cool.

Please, Barry, don't do this!

If you're going to blow out our eardrums,

could you at least adjust the EQ?

John Rutsey's drums aren't even coming through.

You're gonna have to go louder for me, I don't have ears.

Look.

No, look closer.

Classic headphones bite.

Listen, I'm sorry we pushed you around all these years.

It's not right.

I can't tell what you're saying.

But I want to tell you I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have kidnapped and tortured you.

- What? - What?

Speak up! I can't hear you!

Louder! What are you saying?

I see your mouth is moving, but I don't hear anything.

I really just don't have any idea what you're saying.

Are you saying you're sorry?

I hope you're saying you're sorry.

Doing what with who now?

Quiet down there. I got sleeping babies.

What a cutie.

Let's see here. What's your name?

Billy. Hmm.

Mind if I call you Roble?