Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,512 --> 00:00:06,384
Thanks again for having us
over, guys.
2
00:00:06,428 --> 00:00:09,561
Your home is beautiful!
They could shoot pornos here!
3
00:00:09,605 --> 00:00:11,041
They have.
4
00:00:11,085 --> 00:00:13,522
This B-B-Q
is the least we can do.
5
00:00:13,565 --> 00:00:16,090
Your son defended Toshi's honor
at school!
6
00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:17,961
Oh, it was nothing.
7
00:00:18,005 --> 00:00:20,659
Anyone could've helped him
vandalize that lunch lady's car.
8
00:00:26,056 --> 00:00:28,493
Oh! Oh, Toshi,
one of these days,
9
00:00:28,537 --> 00:00:30,843
you'll have to
teach me Japanese.
10
00:00:30,887 --> 00:00:33,716
Hideki, my man, I gotta say
I'm lovin' it here!
11
00:00:33,759 --> 00:00:36,806
Your house is gigantic,
your pool is dangerously deep,
12
00:00:36,849 --> 00:00:38,851
and I like how you're wearing
dress shoes and socks
13
00:00:38,895 --> 00:00:40,679
with your Speedo.
Powerful look.
14
00:00:40,723 --> 00:00:42,855
Gonna run
to the bathroom.
15
00:00:42,899 --> 00:00:45,162
So you know, this is
a massive sign of respect.
16
00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:47,991
I usually just go in the pool,
even at home.
17
00:00:48,035 --> 00:00:51,038
Especially at home.
When I'm not swimming.
18
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:56,521
Where's the bathroom?
They have to dump somewhere.
19
00:00:56,565 --> 00:01:00,569
Unless I was supposed
to go in the pool.
20
00:01:00,612 --> 00:01:02,963
Hideki's got
an archery range?!
21
00:01:03,006 --> 00:01:04,877
Stan, are you
pooping or snooping?
22
00:01:04,921 --> 00:01:06,879
I would, too.
23
00:01:06,923 --> 00:01:09,534
We have a lot
of great stuff!
24
00:01:09,578 --> 00:01:12,494
That's our
weekend kitchen...
25
00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:16,019
This room's just an insanely
soft rug to stand barefoot on
26
00:01:16,063 --> 00:01:18,500
while you listen
to the Indigo Girls.
27
00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:22,069
And Triangle Room.
28
00:01:22,112 --> 00:01:26,029
But you have
a triangular room.
29
00:01:26,073 --> 00:01:28,292
Why didn't you put
your triangles in there?
30
00:01:31,078 --> 00:01:34,081
Oh, Stan!
31
00:01:34,124 --> 00:01:36,822
You have truly
created comedy.
32
00:01:36,866 --> 00:01:38,476
Thank you.
33
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,696
You know, a lot of people
don't get my comedy.
34
00:01:40,739 --> 00:01:42,959
For instance,
me right now.
35
00:02:16,906 --> 00:02:18,908
Damn,
someone's blowing up.
36
00:02:18,951 --> 00:02:21,780
Uh, think that's you,
Jeff.
37
00:02:21,824 --> 00:02:23,956
"Yo, doggy,
wanna join me
38
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,959
for a one-on-one guys' weekend
out in the country?
39
00:02:27,003 --> 00:02:30,050
Peace, love, and titties,
Klaus."
40
00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:34,402
Why don't we have a house
like Hideki's?!
41
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,317
This place sucks
compared to theirs!
42
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,362
I think it's perfect here,
Dad!
43
00:02:38,406 --> 00:02:40,364
I'm just grateful
for everything we have.
44
00:02:40,408 --> 00:02:42,192
Then you're a fool, Steve.
45
00:02:42,236 --> 00:02:43,865
I don't even wanna think
about what Hideki
46
00:02:43,889 --> 00:02:44,934
would say
about this dump.
47
00:02:44,977 --> 00:02:46,762
Well, you're gonna
find out.
48
00:02:46,805 --> 00:02:49,199
I invited him over for dinner
this weekend.
49
00:02:49,243 --> 00:02:51,636
You did what?!
Hideki can't come here.
50
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,291
He'll think I'm a loser!
51
00:02:54,335 --> 00:02:56,989
And look at this wall!
This place is falling apart!
52
00:02:57,033 --> 00:02:58,339
How could you
do this to me?!
53
00:03:00,602 --> 00:03:03,300
Mother, which day
are the Yoshidas coming?
54
00:03:03,344 --> 00:03:06,129
You see, traditionally,
I take a Sunday stroll, and I...
55
00:03:06,173 --> 00:03:09,741
We all know about
your precious Sunday strolls.
56
00:03:09,785 --> 00:03:11,482
Don't worry.
It's Saturday.
57
00:03:11,526 --> 00:03:13,005
Y-e-es!
58
00:03:19,186 --> 00:03:21,144
I'm sorry we got
interrupted by...
59
00:03:21,188 --> 00:03:23,364
whatever all that was.
60
00:03:23,407 --> 00:03:26,758
Think over my offer, Jeff.
I'll be in my alcove.
61
00:03:26,802 --> 00:03:29,239
I think you know
where it is.
62
00:03:33,591 --> 00:03:35,941
I don't know what to do,
babe.
63
00:03:35,985 --> 00:03:37,552
Things tend to get weird
when I hang out
64
00:03:37,595 --> 00:03:39,858
with Mr. Klaus
unsupervised.
65
00:03:39,902 --> 00:03:42,992
But it'll be really weird
if you tell him you can't go.
66
00:03:43,035 --> 00:03:44,863
He knows you have
nothing going on.
67
00:03:44,907 --> 00:03:46,996
- Everyone knows.
- They do?
68
00:03:47,039 --> 00:03:50,042
That's...
flattering!
69
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,830
I'm so screwed!
70
00:03:54,873 --> 00:03:56,875
Hideki's like the coolest guy
I know.
71
00:03:56,919 --> 00:03:58,747
I can't entertain him
in this shitbox!
72
00:03:58,790 --> 00:04:02,229
But this is an easy fix.
Just go buy some new stuff.
73
00:04:02,272 --> 00:04:05,057
With what money? I'm barely
keeping my head above water.
74
00:04:05,101 --> 00:04:08,148
No, dummy, not real money.
Throw it on a credit card!
75
00:04:08,191 --> 00:04:10,454
That's the beauty of credit.
You buy now, you pay later.
76
00:04:10,498 --> 00:04:12,152
Or maybe never!
77
00:04:12,195 --> 00:04:14,197
I wish I could,
but the credit-card companies
78
00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:16,939
froze me out after I maxed out
12 cards last summer
79
00:04:16,982 --> 00:04:19,376
trying to cut my teeth
on the Funny Car circuit.
80
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,030
Well, then, yeah,
81
00:04:21,073 --> 00:04:22,858
Hideki's gonna laugh
at your clown ass.
82
00:04:22,901 --> 00:04:25,513
Thank you! You get it.
No one else does.
83
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:27,404
I got Steve down there telling
me everything's "perfect"
84
00:04:27,428 --> 00:04:29,038
when it clearly isn't.
85
00:04:29,081 --> 00:04:30,822
- Such a dick.
- Such a dick.
86
00:04:30,866 --> 00:04:32,737
Easy for him to talk.
87
00:04:32,781 --> 00:04:35,262
He's never had to deal with
financial responsibility.
88
00:04:35,305 --> 00:04:37,829
Right? He's never had to
pay off three credit cards
89
00:04:37,873 --> 00:04:40,658
with seven other credit cards.
He's never had one.
90
00:04:40,702 --> 00:04:43,879
Just letting his virgin credit
sit there like a lazy bum.
91
00:04:43,922 --> 00:04:45,837
And it's that dick's fault
you're in this jam.
92
00:04:45,881 --> 00:04:47,361
He's Toshi's friend.
93
00:04:47,404 --> 00:04:48,971
You're right.
Come on.
94
00:04:49,014 --> 00:04:51,060
- We're going to the airport.
- Airport?
95
00:04:51,103 --> 00:04:53,323
Seems odd, but I'm with ya,
Stan.
96
00:04:53,367 --> 00:04:56,196
Think we'll see any luggage
while we're there?
97
00:04:57,849 --> 00:05:00,852
Sorry.
I got held up at security.
98
00:05:00,896 --> 00:05:03,855
That was expensive tea, and I
wasn't just gonna throw it away.
99
00:05:03,899 --> 00:05:05,117
So, why are we here
anyway?
100
00:05:05,161 --> 00:05:07,163
For this.
101
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:09,252
I thought you couldn't get
credit cards anymore?
102
00:05:09,296 --> 00:05:12,690
I can't. Hi. I'd like to sign up
for a teen credit card.
103
00:05:12,734 --> 00:05:15,780
- My name is Steve Smith.
- Whoa.
104
00:05:15,824 --> 00:05:18,870
Hijacking your son's credit?
Love it!
105
00:05:18,914 --> 00:05:20,655
Hey, did you buy
two boarding passes
106
00:05:20,698 --> 00:05:22,526
just to come get
a credit card here?
107
00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:24,010
You know you can do it online,
right?
108
00:05:24,049 --> 00:05:26,748
You can?
Oh, my God, I'm ruined!
109
00:05:29,664 --> 00:05:31,318
This is working great!
110
00:05:31,361 --> 00:05:33,450
Why doesn't everyone
steal their son's identity?
111
00:05:33,494 --> 00:05:35,278
Because Instagram makes people
feel like they
112
00:05:35,322 --> 00:05:37,237
have to be
"good" parents.
113
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,326
So, what do ya think?
Grab a couple lava lamps
114
00:05:39,369 --> 00:05:42,154
and a fat stack of Mad magazines
for the coffee table,
115
00:05:42,198 --> 00:05:44,679
- call it a day?
- Stan, Hideki's fancy.
116
00:05:44,722 --> 00:05:46,768
You need to deck
your place out classy
117
00:05:46,811 --> 00:05:48,465
if you want to impress
a guy like him.
118
00:05:48,509 --> 00:05:51,903
Y-Yes, yes, of course.
Like how?
119
00:05:51,947 --> 00:05:54,123
Well, nothing screams
"I'm a cool rich guy"
120
00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:56,212
like art and crystals.
121
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,669
And, to be honest, crystals are
just a good investment anyway.
122
00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:00,260
They're not
just beautiful.
123
00:06:00,303 --> 00:06:03,001
They channel energy,
have healing properties.
124
00:06:03,045 --> 00:06:05,003
They're really magnificent
little objects.
125
00:06:05,047 --> 00:06:06,744
You clearly have
a handle on this.
126
00:06:06,788 --> 00:06:09,399
You stay here and buy whatever's
going to impress Hideki.
127
00:06:09,443 --> 00:06:11,377
I'm gonna head back and get
started on the dinner menu.
128
00:06:11,401 --> 00:06:13,185
I'm thinkin' we scampi
everything.
129
00:06:13,229 --> 00:06:16,580
Great. But before you go,
watch this cool prank.
130
00:06:21,411 --> 00:06:23,021
- Hey!
- Aah! I got caught!
131
00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:27,112
I'm sorry.
We got off on the wrong foot.
132
00:06:27,156 --> 00:06:29,550
I'm Roger.
How 'bout I buy you a fresh dog?
133
00:06:32,248 --> 00:06:34,598
I get up to
Lake Wittenberg every summer.
134
00:06:34,642 --> 00:06:37,209
It's so sick.
You'll see.
135
00:06:40,822 --> 00:06:43,259
And this is the Pig Pen
Bar & Grille.
136
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:46,654
Had some good nights at the Pen
with Perry and the boys.
137
00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:48,786
My local crew,
we're like brothers.
138
00:06:48,830 --> 00:06:51,093
Unfortunately,
he's away this weekend.
139
00:06:51,136 --> 00:06:54,879
But we'll still kill it.
This place is quaint as hell.
140
00:06:57,142 --> 00:06:59,884
This house
is only 400K.
141
00:06:59,928 --> 00:07:03,192
You know, Jeff,
if you kicked in $399,000,
142
00:07:03,235 --> 00:07:06,282
- we'd only need 1 -
K from another source.
143
00:07:08,545 --> 00:07:11,896
Uh-oh. It sounds like
the Pig Pen is goin' off!
144
00:07:14,029 --> 00:07:15,726
Sorry,
private party.
145
00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:18,207
Wait.
Is that Perry?
146
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:22,777
Perry! Ha ha ha ha!
Get your dumb ass over here!
147
00:07:22,820 --> 00:07:26,215
I thought you were gone, bro?
This is great news!
148
00:07:26,258 --> 00:07:29,479
Yeah. Uh, this is actually
my rehearsal dinner.
149
00:07:29,523 --> 00:07:33,048
Smart. I wish I had
a rehearsal for this ice cream.
150
00:07:35,050 --> 00:07:37,226
He's funny.
151
00:07:37,269 --> 00:07:40,838
Y-You're getting married
without your boy Klaus?
152
00:07:40,882 --> 00:07:42,840
We're just having
a small thing.
153
00:07:42,884 --> 00:07:45,321
But I'm like 3 inches
in size.
154
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,367
It doesn't get
any smaller than me!
155
00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:49,717
Sorry, man.
156
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:53,111
This is outrageous.
We're boys!
157
00:07:53,155 --> 00:07:54,939
I should be
at that wedding.
158
00:07:54,983 --> 00:07:57,028
I should be giving a speech,
saying things like,
159
00:07:57,072 --> 00:07:59,248
"Now that you're married,
your dick is in prison!"
160
00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:01,424
Sorry, Mr. Klaus.
161
00:08:01,468 --> 00:08:04,514
I'm sure he just completely
forgot you existed.
162
00:08:04,558 --> 00:08:07,691
He can't get married
without me.
163
00:08:07,735 --> 00:08:12,696
So I guess that means
he won't be getting married.
164
00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:14,959
Oh, hey, since I drove,
do you mind
165
00:08:15,003 --> 00:08:16,657
tossing me a few bucks
for gas?
166
00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,572
Just like $200.
167
00:08:21,270 --> 00:08:22,619
Think we got
enough stuff?
168
00:08:22,663 --> 00:08:24,491
Stan, we got
everything we need.
169
00:08:24,534 --> 00:08:26,318
The crystals are assaulting
this place
170
00:08:26,362 --> 00:08:27,711
with good energy
as we speak.
171
00:08:27,755 --> 00:08:29,278
Something's different.
172
00:08:29,321 --> 00:08:31,106
Stan, did you
get a haircut?
173
00:08:31,149 --> 00:08:33,978
No, it's the decor!
I love it, Dad!
174
00:08:34,022 --> 00:08:37,373
Thank you, son. Someday,
it may all belong to you.
175
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,461
That day is today.
176
00:08:40,202 --> 00:08:43,248
You've got this!
And one final charge-up.
177
00:08:43,292 --> 00:08:45,729
You can't be too careful
these days.
178
00:08:48,863 --> 00:08:51,605
Hi, guys!
Come on in.
179
00:08:53,563 --> 00:08:55,478
What is it, Hideki?
180
00:08:55,522 --> 00:08:59,177
It's just, I-I-I prefer
minimalism.
181
00:08:59,221 --> 00:09:02,354
So all this
badly hurts my eyes.
182
00:09:02,398 --> 00:09:05,967
Lead me
to the dining area.
183
00:09:06,010 --> 00:09:08,970
So, I have a funny story.
184
00:09:09,013 --> 00:09:12,800
Guess who invited Snot up
to his hotel room last night?
185
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:15,063
Pete Rose! Yeah.
186
00:09:15,106 --> 00:09:17,041
- So what happened was...
- How's the food, Hideki?
187
00:09:17,065 --> 00:09:21,373
The meat loaf is a bit...
stupid.
188
00:09:21,417 --> 00:09:24,768
You mean the...
scampi loaf?
189
00:09:24,812 --> 00:09:26,640
Is there anything better
than two men
190
00:09:26,683 --> 00:09:28,816
sipping brandy
in the master bedroom?
191
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:30,252
Cigar?
192
00:09:30,295 --> 00:09:31,993
This is the warmest room
in the house.
193
00:09:32,036 --> 00:09:34,212
Feel free to
take your shirt off.
194
00:09:34,256 --> 00:09:37,520
Thanks for coming. I hope
you had a nice time, Hideki.
195
00:09:37,564 --> 00:09:41,568
Stan, I had...
an above-average time.
196
00:09:41,611 --> 00:09:44,179
Thank you,
and goodbye.
197
00:09:44,222 --> 00:09:46,486
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
198
00:09:46,529 --> 00:09:48,357
He had
an above-average time!
199
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,577
There used to be a fly
in this wine.
200
00:09:54,668 --> 00:09:57,148
Why are we looking
for Perry again?
201
00:09:57,192 --> 00:10:00,195
I told you, because we're trying
to find Perry
202
00:10:00,238 --> 00:10:03,503
so I can give him one of these
lightly poisoned IPAs...
203
00:10:03,546 --> 00:10:06,462
not enough to kill him.
204
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:09,204
Yeah. She's gonna make
a great first wife.
205
00:10:10,814 --> 00:10:12,990
Excuse me.
We just want to warm up...
206
00:10:13,034 --> 00:10:14,992
Whaaa?
Is that Perry?
207
00:10:15,036 --> 00:10:16,690
Oh, hey, guys.
208
00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:18,735
Is this the dinner
you were rehearsing for?
209
00:10:18,779 --> 00:10:21,608
You're doing great!
210
00:10:21,651 --> 00:10:23,958
This guy's really funny.
211
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:26,221
Like Mad TV funny.
212
00:10:26,264 --> 00:10:28,702
Hey, Perry, sorry if I
made things awkward earlier.
213
00:10:28,745 --> 00:10:31,661
How about a beer,
as a peace offering?
214
00:10:31,705 --> 00:10:34,577
Got a real fresh one here
for ya! Pssh!
215
00:10:34,621 --> 00:10:36,492
I'll just leave this
right next to you,
216
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:37,841
and, uh...
we'll see you around.
217
00:10:37,885 --> 00:10:38,949
Okay, Jeff,
let's get out of here!
218
00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:41,062
Yes!
We did it!
219
00:10:41,105 --> 00:10:43,325
By the way, I know I gave you
a hard time in the car,
220
00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:45,893
but good call
on packing your wagon.
221
00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:49,374
It was definitely worth
100% of your suitcase space.
222
00:10:52,029 --> 00:10:54,597
He said he had
"an above-average time"!
223
00:10:54,641 --> 00:10:56,468
What a success.
224
00:10:56,512 --> 00:10:58,514
And well done
decorating the place.
225
00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,950
I wish
I could take credit,
226
00:10:59,994 --> 00:11:01,735
but the crystals did
the heavy lifting.
227
00:11:01,778 --> 00:11:04,476
Man, you really maximized the
hell out of that credit card.
228
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,348
Credit card? Oh, no, no.
229
00:11:06,391 --> 00:11:08,611
That teen credit card barely
covered the sand painting
230
00:11:08,655 --> 00:11:10,961
of two Victorian chicks
sixty-nining.
231
00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:13,877
No, I had to take out
a $50,000 loan from a loan shark
232
00:11:13,921 --> 00:11:15,139
- to buy all that.
- What?
233
00:11:15,183 --> 00:11:17,446
Relax!
We don't have to pay it back.
234
00:11:17,489 --> 00:11:19,622
He made me leave my wallet
as collateral,
235
00:11:19,666 --> 00:11:22,320
but all that was in there was
Steve's stupid credit card!
236
00:11:22,364 --> 00:11:25,802
It's a common name. They'll
never track it back to our Steve.
237
00:11:25,846 --> 00:11:28,936
And you're certain there wasn't
anything else in that wallet?
238
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,939
Yep! I remember moving everything
out to my new Peppa Pig wallet.
239
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:33,680
Could I have missed something?
Possibly.
240
00:11:33,723 --> 00:11:36,378
I did it super fast while I was
rushing around Six Flags.
241
00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:38,119
But pretty sure I didn't.
242
00:11:38,162 --> 00:11:40,730
I had meth-focus that day.
243
00:11:40,774 --> 00:11:42,993
So I'm supposed to
feel "pretty sure"
244
00:11:43,037 --> 00:11:45,605
that a loan shark
won't come hunting my son?
245
00:11:45,648 --> 00:11:47,563
Nope. Can't do it.
Let's call the guy.
246
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,826
Fine.
His name's Mike Donkey.
247
00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:52,002
But I'm telling you,
this really isn't necessary.
248
00:11:52,046 --> 00:11:53,700
Yeah.
249
00:11:53,743 --> 00:11:56,616
- Hi. Mike Donkey?
- Yeah.
250
00:11:56,659 --> 00:12:00,794
I think someone, uh, stole
my wallet and left it with you.
251
00:12:00,837 --> 00:12:03,666
It had a "Steve Smith"
teen credit card in it?
252
00:12:03,710 --> 00:12:05,668
Yep, got it right here.
253
00:12:05,712 --> 00:12:08,453
Been using it to weigh down
the lid on my chameleon tank.
254
00:12:08,497 --> 00:12:10,760
Good, good. So there was
nothing else in there
255
00:12:10,804 --> 00:12:12,066
besides the card,
right?
256
00:12:12,109 --> 00:12:13,937
Nope, very light wallet.
257
00:12:13,981 --> 00:12:15,460
Chameleons are moving it at will.
258
00:12:15,504 --> 00:12:17,593
Oh, thank God! I'll...
I'll just cancel the card.
259
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:18,638
Thanks for your time!
260
00:12:18,681 --> 00:12:20,640
No, thank you...
261
00:12:20,683 --> 00:12:22,511
Stan Smith, is it?
262
00:12:22,554 --> 00:12:24,295
On Cherry Street?
263
00:12:24,339 --> 00:12:26,447
Because, until right now,
I didn't have enough information
264
00:12:26,471 --> 00:12:28,473
to track this kid down,
265
00:12:28,517 --> 00:12:31,041
but I just ran a search
on your phone number.
266
00:12:31,085 --> 00:12:33,043
I'm gonna guess your wallet
wasn't stolen
267
00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:35,132
and you were thinking of
ditching out on that loan?
268
00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:36,481
But you had to double-check
first
269
00:12:36,525 --> 00:12:38,111
because this kid
with your same last name
270
00:12:38,135 --> 00:12:39,702
is someone important
to you.
271
00:12:39,746 --> 00:12:40,834
This guy's good!
272
00:12:40,877 --> 00:12:42,618
What is he, your son?
273
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:45,142
Cousin?
Non-blood nephew?
274
00:12:45,186 --> 00:12:47,188
You sound like a guy
with a sibling who adopts.
275
00:12:47,231 --> 00:12:49,103
You know,
it doesn't matter.
276
00:12:49,146 --> 00:12:50,863
What does matter is,
somebody's gonna pay me
277
00:12:50,887 --> 00:12:53,585
that 50 grand
by 6:00 P.M. tomorrow,
278
00:12:53,629 --> 00:12:56,545
or I'm finding the kid
and breaking his legs.
279
00:12:58,199 --> 00:13:00,505
This is on me.
280
00:13:00,549 --> 00:13:02,551
This probably wouldn't have
happened if I gave you
281
00:13:02,594 --> 00:13:05,162
a tiny crystal to put in your
butthole before the call.
282
00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:09,471
How did I get in
this mess?!
283
00:13:09,514 --> 00:13:10,994
All I did
was whatever it took
284
00:13:11,038 --> 00:13:13,170
to impress my son's friend's
cool dad!
285
00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:15,607
Stan, Mike Donkey knows
where you live.
286
00:13:15,651 --> 00:13:17,392
I think the only way out
is to pay him.
287
00:13:17,435 --> 00:13:20,134
But how do we get 50 grand
in less than a day?!
288
00:13:20,177 --> 00:13:22,484
Hey, what if we
counterfeit the money?
289
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:24,941
It doesn't have to be perfect,
just close enough to trick him.
290
00:13:24,965 --> 00:13:27,184
Great thought, but my printer
just crapped out on me.
291
00:13:29,143 --> 00:13:31,058
- I think it's out of ink.
- Damn it!
292
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,451
We need something,
or Steve's legs are toast!
293
00:13:33,495 --> 00:13:36,454
We could probably get 25 grand
for your SUV, right?
294
00:13:36,498 --> 00:13:38,761
What if we sold it,
then went to Atlantic City
295
00:13:38,805 --> 00:13:41,024
and tried to double that money
up at a casino?
296
00:13:41,068 --> 00:13:43,461
And leave my son's
very legs to chance?
297
00:13:43,505 --> 00:13:45,899
Chance? Are you forgetting
we have the power
298
00:13:45,942 --> 00:13:47,901
of the crystals
on our side, Stan?
299
00:13:47,944 --> 00:13:50,033
I'm not doubting the crystals
are absolute beasts,
300
00:13:50,077 --> 00:13:52,732
it's just...
maybe there's another way.
301
00:13:52,775 --> 00:13:54,559
Sure, think on it.
Take some time.
302
00:13:54,603 --> 00:13:56,015
But we both know
we're gonna do this,
303
00:13:56,039 --> 00:13:57,780
so I'm gonna go ahead
and pack.
304
00:14:00,696 --> 00:14:03,786
Okay. Let's split up and start
chipping away at separate tables.
305
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:05,875
We're not gonna win 50 grand
grinding away
306
00:14:05,919 --> 00:14:07,355
at five-dollar
blackjack.
307
00:14:07,398 --> 00:14:09,270
We gotta go
balls to the wall.
308
00:14:09,313 --> 00:14:11,576
I say we go to the room
and charge up with the crystals
309
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:13,622
until the last
possible minute.
310
00:14:13,665 --> 00:14:16,451
Then we hit the tables at max
power and bet it all on red.
311
00:14:16,494 --> 00:14:18,366
We'll be so juiced,
it's gotta hit!
312
00:14:18,409 --> 00:14:20,585
Smart.
313
00:14:20,629 --> 00:14:23,240
- Can you feel 'em working?
- I think so!
314
00:14:23,284 --> 00:14:24,981
Do they make your lower back
tighten up?
315
00:14:26,853 --> 00:14:29,594
Oh, yeah, I forgot Jabbawockeez
are performing here.
316
00:14:29,638 --> 00:14:31,834
Hey, if we're just gonna be
sittin' around absorbing energy,
317
00:14:31,858 --> 00:14:33,685
we might as well enjoy
the hotel, right?
318
00:14:33,729 --> 00:14:35,272
- What about the crystals?
- We'll bring 'em with us,
319
00:14:35,296 --> 00:14:36,427
charge up in luxury.
320
00:14:36,471 --> 00:14:37,777
We've earned it!
321
00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:39,648
You're right.
322
00:14:39,691 --> 00:14:41,824
We earned this.
323
00:14:52,617 --> 00:14:55,446
I guarantee they charged up
before the show.
324
00:14:55,490 --> 00:14:58,101
That move's impossible
without crystals.
325
00:14:58,145 --> 00:15:01,365
See ya!
Goin' on my Sunday stroll!
326
00:15:01,409 --> 00:15:04,847
I'm gettin' tired of this
Sunday Stroll shit.
327
00:15:04,891 --> 00:15:07,719
Oh, my God,
thank you!
328
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,401
Hey, boss,
329
00:15:37,445 --> 00:15:39,839
we got the kid's beautiful legs
in our sights.
330
00:15:39,882 --> 00:15:42,537
Don't move on him yet.
They have a little more time.
331
00:15:42,580 --> 00:15:44,104
And I know
we're working,
332
00:15:44,147 --> 00:15:46,236
but you don't have to
call me "boss."
333
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,370
You can call me "Dad,"
Mike Donkey Jr.
334
00:15:51,807 --> 00:15:55,158
Here we go.
335
00:15:55,202 --> 00:15:57,813
$25,000 on red.
336
00:16:02,035 --> 00:16:04,298
Or maybe black!
Stan, what did you do?!
337
00:16:11,914 --> 00:16:13,829
Red! I did it!
338
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:16,049
Hell yeah!
The power of crystals!
339
00:16:17,702 --> 00:16:20,357
Stan, do we...
double down?
340
00:16:20,401 --> 00:16:22,577
The crystals are
clearly working.
341
00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:24,579
It would solve
a lot of problems.
342
00:16:24,622 --> 00:16:27,190
I could finally go nuts
in that Men's Wearhouse.
343
00:16:27,234 --> 00:16:29,366
Let's do it!
344
00:16:34,502 --> 00:16:37,461
I'm not even gonna watch,
'cause I know we're gonna win.
345
00:16:37,505 --> 00:16:39,637
We are so charged,
we could fly to the moon.
346
00:16:39,681 --> 00:16:40,943
Ye-ea-eah! Yes!
347
00:16:40,987 --> 00:16:42,814
- Red!
- Yeah!
348
00:16:42,858 --> 00:16:45,513
Mm. One more?
349
00:16:45,556 --> 00:16:47,404
I mean, they're basically giving
away money at this point.
350
00:16:47,428 --> 00:16:49,343
We gotta, right?
351
00:16:58,874 --> 00:17:01,529
- Yeah! Yes! Yeah!
- Ye-ea-eah!
352
00:17:01,572 --> 00:17:04,967
I can't believe we doubled down
and won five times!
353
00:17:05,011 --> 00:17:06,838
Pull over.
I gotta take a leak.
354
00:17:06,882 --> 00:17:09,711
That's the crystals. They have
no patience for toxins.
355
00:17:12,192 --> 00:17:14,585
We only have an hour
to pay the loan shark.
356
00:17:14,629 --> 00:17:17,719
Might have to pee from the
bathroom doorway to save time.
357
00:17:22,898 --> 00:17:25,031
All right, let's go pay
this scumbag.
358
00:17:29,122 --> 00:17:31,254
Uh, Roger,
does it feel like
359
00:17:31,298 --> 00:17:33,169
the car's riding a little lower
to you?
360
00:17:33,213 --> 00:17:36,651
No, it's...
always been this way.
361
00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:41,525
It's not my fault, Stan!
Look how huge it is!
362
00:17:41,569 --> 00:17:44,006
I was powerless to
its lavender pull!
363
00:17:44,050 --> 00:17:47,183
Roger, how much of our winnings
did you spend?
364
00:17:47,227 --> 00:17:50,012
Just... all of them?
365
00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:52,493
My boy's gonna get
his legs mangled!
366
00:17:52,536 --> 00:17:56,018
I, for one, think Steve's legs
are a small price to pay
367
00:17:56,062 --> 00:17:58,629
for the wonderful weekend
we've shared together!
368
00:18:01,545 --> 00:18:03,808
Any minute now, the wedding
planner is gonna run by,
369
00:18:03,852 --> 00:18:07,073
yelling that the groom's sick
and the wedding's off.
370
00:18:07,116 --> 00:18:08,900
It's gonna be so sweet!
371
00:18:08,944 --> 00:18:12,948
I'm sitting extra still, because
if I do, I get s'mores later!
372
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,255
Here we go!
373
00:18:15,298 --> 00:18:17,692
My best man
is violently ill!
374
00:18:17,735 --> 00:18:20,651
No, he's not.
Y-You are.
375
00:18:20,695 --> 00:18:24,090
I don't know what happened.
He only had one IPA last night.
376
00:18:24,133 --> 00:18:26,831
But the show must go on.
377
00:18:26,875 --> 00:18:30,009
It feels meant to be that
I bumped into you, Klaus.
378
00:18:30,052 --> 00:18:32,185
Would you...
379
00:18:32,228 --> 00:18:34,839
let me borrow Jeff
to be my new best man?
380
00:18:34,883 --> 00:18:37,233
I just love him.
He's so funny.
381
00:18:38,974 --> 00:18:43,500
And now that Perry is married,
his dick is in prison!
382
00:18:45,937 --> 00:18:47,983
That was my joke!
383
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,419
I'll give him credit,
it took balls
384
00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:51,900
making it his entire speech,
but still.
385
00:18:51,943 --> 00:18:54,859
He's gettin' a poisoned IPA!
386
00:18:58,211 --> 00:19:01,040
Oh, no.
Are you kidding me?!
387
00:19:01,083 --> 00:19:07,046
These poisoned beers have been
nothing... but... trouble.
388
00:19:07,089 --> 00:19:09,787
I'm gonna call Mike Donkey
and try to get an extension.
389
00:19:11,659 --> 00:19:14,183
Extension denied.
390
00:19:14,227 --> 00:19:16,881
Mr. Donkey, please!
Let my boy go!
391
00:19:16,925 --> 00:19:18,622
Break my legs instead!
392
00:19:18,666 --> 00:19:20,972
No, the kid's legs
were the deal.
393
00:19:21,016 --> 00:19:24,193
And, unlike you,
I honor my deals.
394
00:19:24,237 --> 00:19:27,327
Wait! What if I told you
this giant crystal
395
00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:30,373
is powerful enough
to win any bet we want?
396
00:19:30,417 --> 00:19:33,028
I propose we all go
to Atlantic City,
397
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,117
and we'll win what we owe you,
times 10.
398
00:19:35,161 --> 00:19:37,511
Guaranteed.
399
00:19:39,948 --> 00:19:41,645
We're just gonna
break the legs.
400
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,822
Come on, guys.
401
00:19:44,866 --> 00:19:46,128
- You can't really...
- Ohh!
402
00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:53,744
Yeah, I've never had to
go this route before.
403
00:19:53,788 --> 00:19:56,007
The deal was pay
or get his legs broken.
404
00:19:56,051 --> 00:19:57,966
So, yeah, I guess
we're all square.
405
00:19:58,009 --> 00:19:59,837
Pleasure doing business
with you.
406
00:20:03,624 --> 00:20:07,149
What could have possibly
led to this?!
407
00:20:09,064 --> 00:20:11,110
It's all my fault!
408
00:20:11,153 --> 00:20:13,895
If I wasn't so desperate to
impress someone richer than me,
409
00:20:13,938 --> 00:20:16,463
this never would've
snowballed out of control!
410
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,073
Everything's
gonna be fine.
411
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:20,380
No, it's not!
My boy is broken!
412
00:20:20,423 --> 00:20:22,773
This baby's powerful enough
to heal a hundred legs
413
00:20:22,817 --> 00:20:24,079
in mere minutes.
414
00:20:26,212 --> 00:20:28,866
Shh, let the crystal
do its job.
415
00:20:28,910 --> 00:20:32,870
It's woooooorrrrrkkinnnngg.
416
00:20:32,914 --> 00:20:35,612
Your eight brutal weeks
of physical therapy
417
00:20:35,656 --> 00:20:39,573
is woooooorrrrrkkinnnngg.
418
00:20:39,616 --> 00:20:43,490
I'm doing it! Come on!
Stroll with me!
419
00:20:53,326 --> 00:20:56,459
Steve,
you're doing it!
420
00:20:56,503 --> 00:20:58,505
Bye!
Have a great time!
32205
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof