All language subtitles for American Dad! - S18E09 - Mused and Abused-ing

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,542 --> 00:00:04,606 That's when it hit me 2 00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:06,632 like a ton of bricks... 3 00:00:06,676 --> 00:00:08,504 bricks might be hard, 4 00:00:08,547 --> 00:00:10,854 but growin' up is harder. 5 00:00:10,898 --> 00:00:13,509 Like a super-hard brick. 6 00:00:13,552 --> 00:00:14,815 Thank you! 7 00:00:16,425 --> 00:00:17,948 What's wrong with me? 8 00:00:17,992 --> 00:00:20,385 I should have put bricks in my story. 9 00:00:20,429 --> 00:00:21,909 Klaus, relax. 10 00:00:21,952 --> 00:00:24,041 Your story has nothing to do with bricks. 11 00:00:24,085 --> 00:00:25,869 - It's about a brick layer! - It is? 12 00:00:25,913 --> 00:00:29,655 Next on stage... Klaus Heisler! 13 00:00:37,054 --> 00:00:40,536 When I was 10, all I wanted to be 14 00:00:40,579 --> 00:00:43,844 was a wall-building guy like my grandpa. 15 00:00:43,887 --> 00:00:46,542 He would stack these... 16 00:00:46,585 --> 00:00:50,546 eh, y-you know, they... they go on each other, 17 00:00:50,589 --> 00:00:53,157 but never right on top? 18 00:00:53,201 --> 00:00:56,508 They'd be like this and this and then here and here... 19 00:00:56,552 --> 00:01:00,164 Why are you telling stories? 20 00:01:01,949 --> 00:01:04,603 Eh, t-this is a storytelling event. 21 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,127 Are you Mother Goose? 22 00:01:06,170 --> 00:01:07,519 Okay, I'm going to continue. 23 00:01:07,563 --> 00:01:09,434 Continue boring everyone? 24 00:01:09,478 --> 00:01:11,741 Eh, n-no one's bored. 25 00:01:11,784 --> 00:01:12,936 I'm actually pretty bored. 26 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,875 Then get the out! 27 00:01:14,918 --> 00:01:17,094 Sir, the bathrooms are located in the back. 28 00:01:17,138 --> 00:01:19,140 Why are you taking a dump on stage? 29 00:01:21,794 --> 00:01:23,840 Not bored anymore! 30 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,962 Ugh, nothing but junk mail. 31 00:01:59,006 --> 00:02:01,878 Letter from Francine's mom, biopsy results, 32 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,619 cease and desist... ooh, it came! 33 00:02:05,012 --> 00:02:06,709 It came! It came! 34 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,451 Francine, a reply from the Bazooka Sharks! 35 00:02:09,494 --> 00:02:11,496 Don't move! I'm headin' your way! 36 00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,368 What's this now? 37 00:02:13,411 --> 00:02:17,372 Your father and I wrote a letter to Bazooka Sharks' management 38 00:02:17,415 --> 00:02:19,809 outlining our concerns and suggestions 39 00:02:19,852 --> 00:02:21,376 for the future of the franchise. 40 00:02:21,419 --> 00:02:23,987 Okay. Moment of truth. 41 00:02:24,031 --> 00:02:25,989 I love you, baby. 42 00:02:26,033 --> 00:02:27,730 "Dear Sharks fans, 43 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:29,732 thank you for your interest in the team." 44 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,995 Hell yeah! Great start. 45 00:02:32,039 --> 00:02:34,911 "We appreciate your passion and continued support, 46 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,305 and hope for a better result next season." 47 00:02:37,348 --> 00:02:38,480 Go on. 48 00:02:38,523 --> 00:02:41,962 That's... That's it. 49 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,630 Are you guys okay? 50 00:02:58,674 --> 00:03:01,590 I know you can go a little cuckoo over your beloved Sharks. 51 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,550 Okay. Good. 52 00:03:05,594 --> 00:03:07,900 Just... checking. 53 00:03:07,944 --> 00:03:09,380 Good morning, everybody. 54 00:03:09,424 --> 00:03:11,687 Well, look who it is... Mother Goose. 55 00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:13,428 Get your cocoa and blankies, everyone. 56 00:03:13,471 --> 00:03:15,082 It's story time. 57 00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:17,867 Ooh, my blankie's in the dryer! 58 00:03:17,910 --> 00:03:20,043 Oh, you want a story? Here's one. 59 00:03:20,087 --> 00:03:22,263 It's about an insignificant grey douchebag 60 00:03:22,306 --> 00:03:24,613 who ruins his friend's storytelling event. 61 00:03:24,656 --> 00:03:26,832 Roommate's storytelling event. 62 00:03:26,876 --> 00:03:29,096 Face it, Roger. You're just a hater. 63 00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:31,402 You have no real talent. 64 00:03:31,446 --> 00:03:33,709 Sure, you know how to tear down, 65 00:03:33,752 --> 00:03:35,537 but you can't create. 66 00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:37,234 Uh, I can create. 67 00:03:37,278 --> 00:03:38,496 My personas? 68 00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:40,107 Masks. 69 00:03:40,150 --> 00:03:42,761 - Costumes. - Wow. 70 00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:46,026 You don't have the balls to put yourself out there like me, 71 00:03:46,069 --> 00:03:47,853 to risk ridicule contributing 72 00:03:47,897 --> 00:03:50,160 something meaningful to the world. 73 00:03:50,204 --> 00:03:52,119 This is a brutal takedown. 74 00:03:52,162 --> 00:03:54,817 Deep down, you are a coward. 75 00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:59,691 Wha... Y-Y... Y... 76 00:03:59,735 --> 00:04:01,519 Th... That's not... 77 00:04:01,563 --> 00:04:03,869 Guys? 78 00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:09,875 Room for one more? 79 00:04:15,664 --> 00:04:17,274 This letter sucked. 80 00:04:17,318 --> 00:04:19,798 It didn't address a single one of our points. 81 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:21,887 And we had a lot of good ones. 82 00:04:21,931 --> 00:04:24,107 It's like they're obsessed with the forward pass. 83 00:04:24,151 --> 00:04:25,804 Why? It's so risky. 84 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:28,198 Whatever happened to establishing the run? 85 00:04:28,242 --> 00:04:29,591 To smashmouth football? 86 00:04:29,634 --> 00:04:32,028 To ground and pound, baby! 87 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,117 I'll tell you what happened... analytics. 88 00:04:34,161 --> 00:04:35,205 Moneyball. 89 00:04:35,249 --> 00:04:36,685 Nerds. 90 00:04:36,728 --> 00:04:38,774 We don't need eggheads. 91 00:04:38,817 --> 00:04:40,558 We need leatherheads, Stan. 92 00:04:40,602 --> 00:04:42,212 I know that, my queen, 93 00:04:42,256 --> 00:04:44,127 but the bean counters runnin' the show don't. 94 00:04:44,171 --> 00:04:46,521 Well, maybe we need to make them understand. 95 00:04:46,564 --> 00:04:47,826 Ground and pound them. 96 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,393 Oh, yeah! Let's smash 'em! 97 00:04:49,437 --> 00:04:51,656 Yeah! Kill 'em? 98 00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:53,832 No. Smash their corporate offices. 99 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,095 Okay! 100 00:04:55,138 --> 00:04:57,619 How? 101 00:04:57,662 --> 00:04:59,969 My friend Nerfer's got an armor-plated bulldozer! 102 00:05:00,012 --> 00:05:01,144 - Oh... - Oh, yeah! 103 00:05:01,188 --> 00:05:04,974 ...yeaaaaaaaa-agh! 104 00:05:07,629 --> 00:05:09,761 It's been a while since we've done this, Klaus... 105 00:05:09,805 --> 00:05:12,112 watched TV together in total silence. 106 00:05:12,155 --> 00:05:13,461 It's nice. 107 00:05:13,504 --> 00:05:15,332 Klaus, about yesterday... 108 00:05:15,376 --> 00:05:16,812 No, let me go first. 109 00:05:16,855 --> 00:05:18,901 You were a huge dick at my reading, 110 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,164 but I was very hard on you. 111 00:05:21,208 --> 00:05:23,166 - It's okay. - No, no, please. 112 00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:26,082 I owe you an apology. 113 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,563 But I'm only going to give you the apologetic tone.. 114 00:05:28,606 --> 00:05:30,652 Because I'm not sorry. 115 00:05:30,695 --> 00:05:33,829 Thank you for the tone. It's more than I deserve. 116 00:05:33,872 --> 00:05:35,831 I thought about it, and you were right. 117 00:05:35,874 --> 00:05:38,181 You have the courage to put yourself out there 118 00:05:38,225 --> 00:05:40,444 in a way I never do. 119 00:05:40,488 --> 00:05:42,620 - Here. - W-What is it? 120 00:05:42,664 --> 00:05:44,318 Ugh! It's me putting myself out there. 121 00:05:44,361 --> 00:05:45,536 Just open it. God! 122 00:05:49,236 --> 00:05:51,586 It's... beautiful. 123 00:05:51,629 --> 00:05:54,066 - Steve, look. - It is good. 124 00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:58,245 But is it better than being quiet and watching TV? 125 00:05:58,288 --> 00:06:00,072 I don't know. 126 00:06:05,208 --> 00:06:06,905 What's good, my man? 127 00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:09,125 Oh, say, where can we find the corporate offices? 128 00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,083 Do you want to do something bad to them? 129 00:06:11,127 --> 00:06:12,955 With your Killdozer? 130 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,086 Once sec. 131 00:06:17,351 --> 00:06:18,352 - No? - In that case, 132 00:06:18,395 --> 00:06:19,788 here's the address. 133 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,879 Their offices are in South Dakota. 134 00:06:23,922 --> 00:06:25,576 That's a schlep. 135 00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:28,057 - Big time. - You wanna call off the rampage? 136 00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:31,191 Does this answer your question?! 137 00:06:31,234 --> 00:06:33,541 Killdozer rampage still on! 138 00:06:33,584 --> 00:06:35,978 - Yea-ha-ha! Yeah! - Whoo-hoo! 139 00:06:38,154 --> 00:06:40,635 Yeah! 140 00:06:43,072 --> 00:06:45,161 R-Roger? 141 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,032 In the back! Through my secret door! 142 00:06:49,774 --> 00:06:51,950 Wow. What is this place? 143 00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:54,214 In the '40s, it was a button factory. 144 00:06:54,257 --> 00:06:56,433 Now? My art studio. 145 00:06:56,477 --> 00:06:58,566 You made this? 146 00:06:58,609 --> 00:07:01,264 I had no idea. You're an artist. 147 00:07:01,308 --> 00:07:02,831 Well, I don't know about "artist." 148 00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:04,267 I'm... I'm just dabblin'. 149 00:07:04,311 --> 00:07:05,877 - Goofin', really. - Goofin'? 150 00:07:05,921 --> 00:07:08,228 I-It's incredible. 151 00:07:08,271 --> 00:07:11,492 The weathered gills, the pain in the eyes. 152 00:07:11,535 --> 00:07:13,450 It's a window to my soul. 153 00:07:13,494 --> 00:07:15,539 That's what I was going for. 154 00:07:15,583 --> 00:07:18,412 Is that a painting of me? 155 00:07:18,455 --> 00:07:20,501 They're all you, Klaus. 156 00:07:20,544 --> 00:07:23,199 You are... my muse. 157 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,679 Oh, shit. 158 00:07:27,812 --> 00:07:29,572 - Family announcement! - Family announcement! 159 00:07:29,597 --> 00:07:31,163 - Where is everyone? - I don't know. 160 00:07:31,207 --> 00:07:33,601 Something about establishing the run. What's up? 161 00:07:33,644 --> 00:07:36,212 Roger's an artist, and I'm his muse! 162 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:39,433 Oh. Mazel tov. 163 00:07:39,476 --> 00:07:43,393 Well, the important thing is the world needs to see your art. 164 00:07:43,437 --> 00:07:45,221 You're doing a gallery opening. 165 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:47,441 Ha! As if. 166 00:07:47,484 --> 00:07:49,573 Who'd be interested in my silly little scribbles? 167 00:07:49,617 --> 00:07:51,314 Prolly no one. 168 00:07:51,358 --> 00:07:53,751 I sold all my art! 169 00:07:53,795 --> 00:07:56,232 A toast... to everyone who made 170 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,887 my first gallery opening a success. 171 00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:00,932 Of course, Hovek... beautiful Hovek... 172 00:08:00,976 --> 00:08:03,195 for providing such a dynamic space. 173 00:08:03,239 --> 00:08:05,415 Carl, a man I met just moments ago... 174 00:08:05,459 --> 00:08:06,982 Um, hello? 175 00:08:07,025 --> 00:08:09,114 Aren't you gonna mention your muse? 176 00:08:09,158 --> 00:08:11,334 Klaus, zip it. Go back to the muse table. 177 00:08:11,378 --> 00:08:13,554 Um, there's no muse table. 178 00:08:13,597 --> 00:08:15,686 What? But artists need to quaff wine 179 00:08:15,730 --> 00:08:17,079 and belly laugh together, 180 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:19,516 far from the din of their simpering muses. 181 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,692 - Have one set up. - Me? 182 00:08:21,736 --> 00:08:22,736 Just get it done! 183 00:08:24,173 --> 00:08:26,958 Look at him, sucking the marrow out of life. 184 00:08:27,002 --> 00:08:28,569 And I'm sitting here like a schmuck. 185 00:08:28,612 --> 00:08:30,092 Why would he treat me like this? 186 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:33,443 Oh, listen to you. 187 00:08:33,487 --> 00:08:35,663 Isn't it enough to be a part of something artistic, 188 00:08:35,706 --> 00:08:37,621 something meaningful? 189 00:08:37,665 --> 00:08:40,407 Wow. You're right. 190 00:08:40,450 --> 00:08:41,973 I should be thanking Roger... 191 00:08:42,017 --> 00:08:43,366 Hey! 192 00:08:43,410 --> 00:08:45,934 Why am I hearing the muse table? 193 00:08:45,977 --> 00:08:49,503 I'm trying to tell a ribald anecdote over here! 194 00:08:49,546 --> 00:08:51,200 Sorry. Now, how far did I get? 195 00:08:51,243 --> 00:08:52,767 We got the priest, 196 00:08:52,810 --> 00:08:54,005 we got the urinating up and down the back, 197 00:08:54,029 --> 00:08:55,378 we got my great joke... 198 00:08:55,422 --> 00:08:57,075 "Christening? More like pissening." 199 00:08:57,119 --> 00:08:58,903 Maybe that's it. 200 00:08:58,947 --> 00:09:00,383 Maybe that's the whole thing. 201 00:09:00,427 --> 00:09:02,472 Another home-run story in the books. 202 00:09:05,954 --> 00:09:08,173 We are rampagin'. 203 00:09:08,217 --> 00:09:12,003 Hayley, toss me another 5-Hour Energy. 204 00:09:12,047 --> 00:09:13,962 My rage is dipping. 205 00:09:14,005 --> 00:09:15,766 Maybe it would help if I read the letter again? 206 00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:18,401 - Yes. - Great idea. 207 00:09:18,445 --> 00:09:19,465 - "Dear Sharks fans..." - Ooh! 208 00:09:19,489 --> 00:09:21,448 Those motherfu... 209 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:27,454 We must rise and attack the day, my friend. 210 00:09:27,497 --> 00:09:29,760 The world wants our art. 211 00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:31,980 You're the dumbest person of all time. 212 00:09:32,023 --> 00:09:34,199 What? We sold every painting. 213 00:09:34,243 --> 00:09:36,419 And now I have to come up with new paintings. 214 00:09:36,463 --> 00:09:38,508 Uh, Earth to tortured artist. 215 00:09:38,552 --> 00:09:42,207 It's your muse talking, ready to inspire. 216 00:09:42,251 --> 00:09:44,862 But not ready to cook me breakfast, apparently. 217 00:09:44,906 --> 00:09:46,821 I have access to Fig Newtons. 218 00:09:48,518 --> 00:09:50,128 Fig Newtons are good. 219 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,695 I forget that sometimes. 220 00:09:51,739 --> 00:09:53,262 Well, you have a lot on your mind. 221 00:09:53,305 --> 00:09:55,003 Eh, not really. But let's work. 222 00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,573 Sorry, I just need a sec. 223 00:09:59,616 --> 00:10:01,139 Hold that pose, though. It's perfect. 224 00:10:05,927 --> 00:10:07,513 What the hell? 225 00:10:09,365 --> 00:10:11,062 Had to run out and get some more Newtons. 226 00:10:11,106 --> 00:10:13,151 BRB. Do not move. 227 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:16,154 The life of a muse. 228 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,071 This is ridiculous. 229 00:10:20,115 --> 00:10:22,073 What do you think of this dance? 230 00:10:22,117 --> 00:10:22,987 Ba-da. 231 00:10:23,031 --> 00:10:24,336 Ba-da-da-da-ba. 232 00:10:24,380 --> 00:10:26,295 - Kick the salad. - Roger! 233 00:10:26,338 --> 00:10:27,905 What the hell are you doing here?! 234 00:10:27,949 --> 00:10:29,298 What am I doing here? 235 00:10:29,341 --> 00:10:32,301 You kept me in that damn chair for six hours! 236 00:10:32,344 --> 00:10:34,999 Paramours, take five while I deal with this guy. 237 00:10:35,739 --> 00:10:37,393 "This guy"? 238 00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:40,309 I'm your muse! Your inspiration! 239 00:10:40,352 --> 00:10:41,615 And what do you do? 240 00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:43,921 You abuse me, treat me like a dog. 241 00:10:43,965 --> 00:10:45,532 We were supposed to work, damn it! 242 00:10:45,575 --> 00:10:46,987 Is this what you want, Klaus?! 243 00:10:49,144 --> 00:10:50,232 Is this what you want?! 244 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,929 It is what I want. 245 00:10:51,973 --> 00:10:53,931 That's why I just gave you all the money. 246 00:10:53,975 --> 00:10:55,716 Stop yelling at me. 247 00:10:55,759 --> 00:10:57,718 Uh, sorry! That's my fault. 248 00:10:57,761 --> 00:10:59,502 I made him mad back at the bistro. 249 00:10:59,546 --> 00:11:01,243 Forget about the bistro. 250 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:04,202 Let's take a beach stroll, maybe have a beefstro. 251 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:05,987 That's what I call beef stroganoff. 252 00:11:08,555 --> 00:11:11,471 - Seagull. - Majestic birds. 253 00:11:11,514 --> 00:11:13,516 Not the most majestic, though, Klaus. 254 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,126 I-I wasn't suggesting... 255 00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:17,607 It's fine. It's fine. Just... Just be careful. 256 00:11:17,651 --> 00:11:18,651 Eat your stroge. 257 00:11:20,697 --> 00:11:22,873 You changed my life, Roger. 258 00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:24,745 And you, mine, Klaus. 259 00:11:24,788 --> 00:11:27,138 Your brutal takedown was the nudge I needed 260 00:11:27,182 --> 00:11:29,140 to finally put myself out there. 261 00:11:29,184 --> 00:11:32,013 Your paintings... they move people. 262 00:11:32,056 --> 00:11:33,362 Our paintings. 263 00:11:33,405 --> 00:11:34,972 Thank you. 264 00:11:35,016 --> 00:11:38,454 I'm finally a part of something meaningful. 265 00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,587 You saw the real me. 266 00:11:40,630 --> 00:11:42,327 That I did do. 267 00:11:42,371 --> 00:11:44,242 I guess I feel a little less lonely 268 00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:46,244 on this big orb they call Earth. 269 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,116 Who calls it that? 270 00:11:48,159 --> 00:11:49,552 E-Everyone? 271 00:11:49,596 --> 00:11:51,641 I call it Gaia. 272 00:11:51,685 --> 00:11:55,340 But I'm a special person. An artist. 273 00:11:55,384 --> 00:11:58,169 I-I was hoping we could also talk process. 274 00:11:58,213 --> 00:12:00,258 I was thinking maybe there's a way 275 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,957 for me to feel less like shit at the end of every day. 276 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,916 There is, and that's actually why I brought you out here... 277 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,005 to tell you you're fired. 278 00:12:08,049 --> 00:12:09,398 - You're fired. - What? 279 00:12:09,441 --> 00:12:11,487 - Why? - Let's go alphabetically. 280 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,315 "A" is for albatross. 281 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:14,969 You're an albatross around my neck. 282 00:12:15,012 --> 00:12:17,145 "B" is for bore. You bore me. 283 00:12:17,188 --> 00:12:18,146 That's an easy one. 284 00:12:18,189 --> 00:12:19,974 "P" for puke-inducing, 285 00:12:20,017 --> 00:12:23,281 "Q" for quick-to-make-me-barf, "R" for rascal. 286 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,433 Well, that's... that's the one thing I do like about you. 287 00:12:25,457 --> 00:12:26,937 You're kind of a rascal. 288 00:12:29,723 --> 00:12:31,376 You fired Klaus?! 289 00:12:31,420 --> 00:12:32,595 Yeah, but not for reals. 290 00:12:32,639 --> 00:12:34,031 Just to break his heart. 291 00:12:34,075 --> 00:12:35,095 It's all part of my process. 292 00:12:35,119 --> 00:12:36,599 Your process? 293 00:12:36,643 --> 00:12:38,427 Yeah, I torture Klaus, crush his spirit, 294 00:12:38,470 --> 00:12:39,994 and then paint his sad face. 295 00:12:40,037 --> 00:12:41,386 Rinse, repeat. 296 00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:43,040 How long have you been doing this? 297 00:12:43,084 --> 00:12:44,912 Oh, gosh. Years? 298 00:12:44,955 --> 00:12:46,391 Probably since day one, yeah. 299 00:12:46,435 --> 00:12:49,264 You've been... torturing me? 300 00:12:49,307 --> 00:12:52,441 Ruining my life for paintings?! 301 00:12:52,484 --> 00:12:55,270 And sculpture and mixed media. 302 00:12:55,313 --> 00:12:57,011 Stop motion's on the horizon. 303 00:12:57,054 --> 00:12:58,490 Perhaps a line of puppets? 304 00:12:58,534 --> 00:13:00,275 Why would you do this? 305 00:13:00,318 --> 00:13:02,407 For my art, dummy! 306 00:13:02,451 --> 00:13:05,062 It comes only from pain... your pain. 307 00:13:05,106 --> 00:13:06,977 I can't take this anymore. 308 00:13:07,021 --> 00:13:10,328 I hope I never see you again! 309 00:13:11,895 --> 00:13:13,070 Wait, Klaus! 310 00:13:13,114 --> 00:13:14,898 Yes? 311 00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:16,421 Wow. 312 00:13:16,465 --> 00:13:18,554 That's gonna make an amazing puppet. 313 00:13:23,341 --> 00:13:25,996 Look, no one's saying me or my work has suffered 314 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,346 from not having a muse, but the times, 315 00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,871 they are a-changing... Oswaldo, 316 00:13:30,914 --> 00:13:33,177 and they require an experienced muse. 317 00:13:33,221 --> 00:13:34,831 I have never done this before. 318 00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,746 Go ahead and get naked, Oswaldo. 319 00:13:36,790 --> 00:13:38,922 Right here? In Coffee Bean? 320 00:13:38,966 --> 00:13:40,794 It's fine. I'm an artist. 321 00:13:43,231 --> 00:13:45,320 Unfortunately, I won't be able to pay you to start. 322 00:13:45,363 --> 00:13:46,887 Business is slow. 323 00:13:46,930 --> 00:13:48,802 You can thank my old muse for that. 324 00:13:48,845 --> 00:13:51,195 - What did he do? - Ruined my art. 325 00:13:51,239 --> 00:13:52,719 Destroyed my life. 326 00:13:52,762 --> 00:13:56,070 Toxic guy, Oswaldo. 327 00:13:56,113 --> 00:13:58,681 My only solace is knowing wherever he is now, 328 00:13:58,725 --> 00:14:01,031 he's miserable, too. 329 00:14:01,075 --> 00:14:04,426 Let's go, people! Get 'em while they're hot. 330 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,471 Gluten-free for m'lady, 331 00:14:06,515 --> 00:14:10,258 and chocolate-chip for my man Brandon in the house! 332 00:14:10,301 --> 00:14:12,129 Yes! 333 00:14:12,173 --> 00:14:14,697 Where did you even come from, Klaus Heisler? 334 00:14:14,741 --> 00:14:16,786 Mwah! Hey, when I get home, 335 00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:18,396 we're gonna tackle that algebra. 336 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,094 - Deal? - Deal. 337 00:14:23,097 --> 00:14:25,534 How we lookin' on that Tuscan Grilled Chicken, Shaneese? 338 00:14:25,577 --> 00:14:27,536 - It's close, boss. - Love it. 339 00:14:27,579 --> 00:14:29,059 Are we having fun? 340 00:14:29,103 --> 00:14:30,234 - Yes! - Yes! 341 00:14:30,278 --> 00:14:31,671 And remember... 342 00:14:31,714 --> 00:14:34,151 It's only paninis! 343 00:14:37,764 --> 00:14:40,157 Mother Goose? 344 00:14:40,201 --> 00:14:43,160 Roger? Uh... what are you doing here? 345 00:14:43,204 --> 00:14:44,945 Me? What about you? 346 00:14:44,988 --> 00:14:47,251 Well, I work here, at Panera Bread. 347 00:14:47,295 --> 00:14:48,862 I'm actually the manager. 348 00:14:48,905 --> 00:14:50,733 Still pursuing your storytelling? 349 00:14:50,777 --> 00:14:53,736 Nah. Between work and Denise and Brandon, 350 00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:55,172 I don't have time. 351 00:14:55,216 --> 00:14:57,000 "Denise and Brandon"? 352 00:14:57,044 --> 00:14:58,567 Who am I talkin' to, Ward Cleaver? 353 00:14:58,610 --> 00:15:00,264 Right? 354 00:15:00,308 --> 00:15:03,006 All I need now is a basset hound to bring me my slippers. 355 00:15:03,050 --> 00:15:07,271 Too funny. 356 00:15:07,315 --> 00:15:10,405 So, what are you up to these days? 357 00:15:10,448 --> 00:15:12,494 Ah, still doin' my art thang, so that's been good. 358 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:13,974 Really jammin' on that. 359 00:15:14,017 --> 00:15:15,627 Also doing a lot more heroin 360 00:15:15,671 --> 00:15:16,541 than when we were working together, 361 00:15:16,585 --> 00:15:18,848 which has been nice. 362 00:15:18,892 --> 00:15:20,502 Well, I better get back in there. 363 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,460 Yeah, no, I should probably do this heroin. 364 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,985 - It was good bumping into you. - For sure, yeah. 365 00:15:25,028 --> 00:15:26,856 Hey, uh, if you ever get that muse itch, 366 00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:28,292 swing by the studio. 367 00:15:28,336 --> 00:15:30,033 Yeah, I-I probably won't be by... 368 00:15:30,077 --> 00:15:31,774 Yeah, probably best. 369 00:15:31,818 --> 00:15:33,404 I don't want the studio to smell like a Panera. 370 00:15:33,428 --> 00:15:34,472 Have a good life, Roger. 371 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:35,778 Havin' one, my dude. 372 00:15:44,874 --> 00:15:46,833 Klaus, I need you back! 373 00:15:46,876 --> 00:15:48,573 Is this your friend from the Dumpster? 374 00:15:48,617 --> 00:15:50,880 Brava, Denise. 375 00:15:50,924 --> 00:15:53,143 You've got it all figured out, don't ya? 376 00:15:53,187 --> 00:15:56,320 Well, did you know I was gonna bring this plastic sword?! 377 00:15:58,758 --> 00:15:59,584 I'm calling the police. 378 00:15:59,628 --> 00:16:01,325 Pastor Mike did say 379 00:16:01,369 --> 00:16:04,807 to look for opportunities to bear witness. 380 00:16:04,851 --> 00:16:06,940 Roger, why don't you join us? 381 00:16:06,983 --> 00:16:09,203 Mmm. Oh. Oh, I bet you'd like that. 382 00:16:09,246 --> 00:16:10,987 Ah. You'd just love to see me choke 383 00:16:11,031 --> 00:16:13,076 on Denise's shitty meatballs. 384 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:14,556 This guy hates me. 385 00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:16,688 Not true. I want to thank you. 386 00:16:16,732 --> 00:16:18,516 You set me free. 387 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,345 Oh... Oh, free to get your balls cut off by Denise here? 388 00:16:21,389 --> 00:16:25,306 I'm aware of you, Denise, just as you are of me. 389 00:16:25,349 --> 00:16:28,222 My whole life, I thought I was a miserable guy. 390 00:16:28,265 --> 00:16:31,225 Worse, I thought I brought it all on myself. 391 00:16:31,268 --> 00:16:33,749 Turns out, it was you. 392 00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,142 What's your point, Aesop? 393 00:16:35,185 --> 00:16:36,970 Aesop tells fables, Denise. 394 00:16:37,013 --> 00:16:39,581 I never had a chance to be happy. 395 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,149 You were sabotaging me! 396 00:16:42,192 --> 00:16:45,630 Can we just cut the bull and get back to work, Klaus? 397 00:16:45,674 --> 00:16:48,677 Don't you see? I'm finally happy. 398 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,070 What about "meaning"? 399 00:16:50,113 --> 00:16:52,028 This guy is so horny for meaning. 400 00:16:52,072 --> 00:16:55,858 I found meaning, with these two whackadoos, 401 00:16:55,902 --> 00:16:58,600 and all the lives I touch at Panera. 402 00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:01,864 Enough! I can't stand to look at you one second more. 403 00:17:01,908 --> 00:17:05,912 So, with my dignity intact, I will now take my leave. 404 00:17:05,955 --> 00:17:07,348 Forever! Ah! 405 00:17:07,391 --> 00:17:09,045 Oh, God! Oh, no! 406 00:17:09,089 --> 00:17:11,874 Oh, I'm doing both kinds of bathroom! 407 00:17:11,918 --> 00:17:13,745 Denise, what kind of flooring we dealin' with? 408 00:17:13,789 --> 00:17:15,704 If it's linoleum, bring the hose in here. 409 00:17:15,747 --> 00:17:17,880 In the meantime, gather anything absorbent... 410 00:17:17,924 --> 00:17:20,491 beach towels, bath towels, shop rags. 411 00:17:20,535 --> 00:17:23,712 Oh, if you have a shop, sawdust would be a godsend. 412 00:17:23,755 --> 00:17:26,280 That's perfect world. I could make cotton balls work. 413 00:17:26,323 --> 00:17:29,283 Now, we do need someone to take the lead on ventilation... 414 00:17:29,326 --> 00:17:31,502 opening doors, windows, gathering fans. 415 00:17:31,546 --> 00:17:33,461 - I can do that. - Wow, Brandon. 416 00:17:33,504 --> 00:17:34,810 Way to step up. 417 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,464 Everybody look at Brandon. 418 00:17:39,902 --> 00:17:40,903 There it is! 419 00:17:40,947 --> 00:17:42,557 Ramming speed! 420 00:17:50,217 --> 00:17:52,567 The Sharks won the Megabowl? 421 00:17:52,610 --> 00:17:55,048 Yeah. Hey, you're Stan Smith. 422 00:17:55,091 --> 00:17:56,658 Uh, m-may... maybe not. 423 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,834 You're famous here! 424 00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,238 We took another look at your letter 425 00:18:00,270 --> 00:18:02,229 and realized you were right. 426 00:18:02,272 --> 00:18:05,667 Smashmouth football was the key to our undefeated season. 427 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,451 You listened to us? 428 00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:10,367 So... rampage over? 429 00:18:10,411 --> 00:18:13,283 But... no rampage. 430 00:18:13,327 --> 00:18:16,069 But Killdozer need to eat. 431 00:18:16,112 --> 00:18:17,809 Welp, I'll leave you to it, then. 432 00:18:17,853 --> 00:18:20,160 Go, Sharks! 433 00:18:20,203 --> 00:18:21,944 Go, Sharks. 434 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,168 Wow, honey. Check out Roger. 435 00:18:28,211 --> 00:18:29,667 You were skeptical when he reached out, 436 00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:31,475 but he looks like a new man. 437 00:18:31,519 --> 00:18:33,347 Thank you all for coming. 438 00:18:33,390 --> 00:18:36,263 First, I'd like to give a shout-out to my sponsor, Mark. 439 00:18:36,306 --> 00:18:40,484 30 days sober thanks to that amazing human. 440 00:18:40,528 --> 00:18:43,052 I'd also like to acknowledge Klaus Heisler over there. 441 00:18:43,096 --> 00:18:46,229 Klaus was my muse, but I hurt him. 442 00:18:46,273 --> 00:18:49,319 I thought great art came only from pain, 443 00:18:49,363 --> 00:18:52,061 but beauty isn't born from misery alone. 444 00:18:52,105 --> 00:18:54,977 There's also the wellspring of joy. 445 00:18:55,021 --> 00:18:56,805 You taught me that, Klaus. 446 00:18:56,848 --> 00:18:59,634 You continue to inspire me. 447 00:18:59,677 --> 00:19:00,809 Thank you. 448 00:19:04,334 --> 00:19:06,380 And now, art. 449 00:19:06,423 --> 00:19:09,600 Feast your eyes on my greatest masterpiece... 450 00:19:09,644 --> 00:19:12,038 Spaghetti Night! 451 00:19:12,081 --> 00:19:13,343 Woof. 452 00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:15,389 This one's a dog. 453 00:19:15,432 --> 00:19:17,695 Oh, wow! Spaghetti Night! 454 00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:19,523 Pretty awesome, right? 455 00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:21,351 The eyes. 456 00:19:21,395 --> 00:19:23,701 - They're dead. - They're meatballs! 457 00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:27,314 I think it's cool because it's a statue of you... Dad. 458 00:19:27,357 --> 00:19:28,489 You're an imbecile, Brandon. 459 00:19:28,532 --> 00:19:30,360 Klaus! 460 00:19:30,404 --> 00:19:32,841 There's no depth, no pathos. 461 00:19:32,884 --> 00:19:34,756 It sucks! 462 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,193 I'm not this corny-ass Mr. Rogers. 463 00:19:37,237 --> 00:19:40,414 Uh-oh. That's a quarter for the swear jar, Klaus. 464 00:19:40,457 --> 00:19:42,416 Here's 50 cents. Go buy some new tits! 465 00:19:42,459 --> 00:19:44,026 Excuse me?! 466 00:19:44,070 --> 00:19:46,376 You did this to me! We're finished! 467 00:19:46,420 --> 00:19:48,204 Brandon, why did you even bring a football?! 468 00:19:48,248 --> 00:19:51,207 It's an art gallery! I hate you! 469 00:19:51,251 --> 00:19:54,950 I hate you! 470 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:57,213 I hate myself! 471 00:19:59,650 --> 00:20:01,043 There he is! 472 00:20:01,087 --> 00:20:02,827 There's the Klaus I know and love! 473 00:20:02,871 --> 00:20:04,003 I knew the misery 474 00:20:04,046 --> 00:20:05,395 was still inside you! 475 00:20:05,439 --> 00:20:07,180 You obviously didn't know when 476 00:20:07,223 --> 00:20:08,790 you squeezed out this turd. 477 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,400 Oh, didn't I? 478 00:20:13,621 --> 00:20:16,232 It's me. 479 00:20:16,276 --> 00:20:18,147 The real me. 480 00:20:18,191 --> 00:20:19,583 Thank you, Roger. 481 00:20:19,627 --> 00:20:23,892 I am your muse, now and forever. 482 00:20:23,935 --> 00:20:26,286 Yes! We're back, old friend! 483 00:20:26,329 --> 00:20:28,027 But about that... we're not back. 484 00:20:28,070 --> 00:20:30,594 I've given up art to follow my true passion... 485 00:20:30,638 --> 00:20:31,639 doing heroin. 486 00:20:31,682 --> 00:20:34,033 We're back, old friend! 487 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,253 Denise? 488 00:20:37,297 --> 00:20:38,863 Ah, she headed out. 489 00:20:40,082 --> 00:20:41,692 Dad, this was a great idea. 490 00:20:41,736 --> 00:20:43,042 Well, it would have been a shame 491 00:20:43,085 --> 00:20:44,913 making the thousand-mile journey home 492 00:20:44,956 --> 00:20:46,436 without rampaging something. 493 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,744 Feast, Killdozer! Feast! 494 00:20:52,268 --> 00:20:53,922 Why? 495 00:20:53,965 --> 00:20:55,532 Then again, why not? 496 00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,187 Have a great night! 34205

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