Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:07,677
So many careers to choose from!
2
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,810
I'm most excited
about the scientist.
3
00:00:09,853 --> 00:00:13,596
Scientists are truly working
on the front lines of discovery.
4
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:16,294
Working on the front lines
of discovery...
5
00:00:16,338 --> 00:00:18,166
is not what I do.
6
00:00:18,209 --> 00:00:20,559
All the good stuff... that's
all done by computers now.
7
00:00:21,996 --> 00:00:24,389
I see lots of cute animals
every day.
8
00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:27,349
And I put almost all of them
to sleep.
9
00:00:27,392 --> 00:00:28,785
No matter how much I shower,
10
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,092
I smell like I'm wearing
a flea collar.
11
00:00:31,135 --> 00:00:34,182
I got into being a cowboy
because it was manly.
12
00:00:34,225 --> 00:00:36,880
But, ironically, the harsh
bumping of the saddle
13
00:00:36,924 --> 00:00:39,578
has destroyed my dick and balls.
14
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:41,798
I'm so tired of candy.
15
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:44,801
Sometimes late at night,
I go to the kitchen
16
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,543
and I eat spoonfuls of salt.
17
00:00:47,586 --> 00:00:49,893
I don't love my wife anymore.
18
00:00:49,937 --> 00:00:52,896
Because of the candy?
19
00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:54,593
Yes.
20
00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:56,160
A real astronaut!
21
00:00:56,204 --> 00:00:59,642
Okay, so, I'm not an astronaut.
22
00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:04,038
I'm a radio engineer.
23
00:01:04,081 --> 00:01:06,692
That's right... radio.
24
00:01:06,736 --> 00:01:08,869
Does anyone here
listen to radio?
25
00:01:10,566 --> 00:01:13,177
Free radios, kids!
Give it a try!
26
00:01:13,221 --> 00:01:14,875
It's like podcasts,
27
00:01:14,918 --> 00:01:17,921
but it works around our
schedule, not yours.
28
00:01:19,792 --> 00:01:21,794
My show is
the morning-drive time,
29
00:01:21,838 --> 00:01:26,016
every day on WLNG 98.2.
30
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:28,192
And if folks don't
start listening,
31
00:01:28,236 --> 00:01:31,892
I'm gonna be homeless.
32
00:02:07,884 --> 00:02:09,842
Is something the matter, Steve?
33
00:02:09,886 --> 00:02:12,758
You've barely touched
your canned corn and cornballs.
34
00:02:12,802 --> 00:02:15,674
I think it's that dang
career fair got me down.
35
00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:19,722
All the adults... their lives
seemed so sad and small.
36
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,245
Oh, you must have misheard them.
37
00:02:21,289 --> 00:02:22,855
Being an adult is great.
38
00:02:22,899 --> 00:02:24,640
Oh! What's great about it?
39
00:02:24,683 --> 00:02:26,250
Well, there's, uh...
40
00:02:26,294 --> 00:02:27,773
You're peppering me
with questions.
41
00:02:27,817 --> 00:02:29,427
Meanwhile, my corn's
getting cold.
42
00:02:29,471 --> 00:02:31,473
You know, I picked my career
43
00:02:31,516 --> 00:02:33,649
at my high-school career fair.
44
00:02:35,259 --> 00:02:36,478
Housewife?
45
00:02:36,521 --> 00:02:38,175
Circus manager.
46
00:02:38,219 --> 00:02:41,265
But... but you're not
a circus manager.
47
00:02:41,309 --> 00:02:44,312
It's a long process.
48
00:02:47,054 --> 00:02:50,840
I-I think she has
stopped talking.
49
00:02:50,883 --> 00:02:54,670
I don't have a career,
but Teddy Sraberg sure does.
50
00:02:54,713 --> 00:02:56,019
I'm Teddy Sraberg.
51
00:02:56,063 --> 00:02:57,716
I work in the adult-film
industry,
52
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,675
but I don't do sex acts yet.
53
00:02:59,718 --> 00:03:01,459
I drive the BangVan.
54
00:03:01,503 --> 00:03:03,766
You know, the gray Econoline
that cruises around
55
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,376
while hard-bodies bang
in the back.
56
00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:08,162
I didn't know you worked
for the 'Van!
57
00:03:08,205 --> 00:03:09,990
Ever since I got banned
from MILF Catcher,
58
00:03:10,033 --> 00:03:13,558
that's been like my main thing!
59
00:03:13,602 --> 00:03:15,952
Do you want to know what
I did to get banned
60
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,693
from looking at a porn site?
61
00:03:17,736 --> 00:03:19,825
It's bad.
62
00:03:27,877 --> 00:03:29,966
Ow-ow-ow-ow!
Rocking Ronnie here
63
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,402
hittin' you with...
64
00:03:31,446 --> 00:03:36,146
A career, a job...
that's all there is?
65
00:03:36,190 --> 00:03:38,235
You might think
that's all there is.
66
00:03:38,279 --> 00:03:40,759
Live, work, die.
67
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:43,153
But that's not true.
68
00:03:43,197 --> 00:03:44,807
I'm Palmer Elymas,
69
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,635
and this is The Wondercabinet,
70
00:03:46,678 --> 00:03:50,030
an exploration of the hidden
mysteries of the universe.
71
00:03:50,073 --> 00:03:52,554
On tonight's show,
the pineal gland...
72
00:03:52,597 --> 00:03:56,036
a small sac of fluid located in
the center of the human brain.
73
00:03:56,079 --> 00:03:57,559
The third eye.
74
00:03:57,602 --> 00:03:59,039
The Ancient Egyptians believed
75
00:03:59,082 --> 00:04:01,084
you could vibrate
the pineal gland,
76
00:04:01,128 --> 00:04:03,173
allowing the consciousness
to move any direction
77
00:04:03,217 --> 00:04:06,437
in space and time...
astral projection.
78
00:04:06,481 --> 00:04:10,050
And every vertebrate in the
world has a pineal gland,
79
00:04:10,093 --> 00:04:12,443
except one, the hagfish.
80
00:04:12,487 --> 00:04:14,576
You are not a hagfish.
81
00:04:14,619 --> 00:04:16,404
I'm not a hagfish.
82
00:04:16,447 --> 00:04:17,970
You're not!
83
00:04:18,014 --> 00:04:19,537
The powers that be have
just gunked up
84
00:04:19,581 --> 00:04:21,626
our pineal glands with fluoride.
85
00:04:21,670 --> 00:04:24,455
Mm, fluoride. I don't know.
86
00:04:24,499 --> 00:04:25,804
Skeptical?
87
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,632
Listen to this esteemed
list of people
88
00:04:27,676 --> 00:04:29,504
who believe
in astral projection.
89
00:04:29,547 --> 00:04:30,679
Ric Flair,
90
00:04:30,722 --> 00:04:32,376
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake,
91
00:04:32,420 --> 00:04:34,117
one of The Bushwhackers,
92
00:04:34,161 --> 00:04:36,815
and René Descartes.
93
00:04:39,253 --> 00:04:42,647
As you all know,
I astral-project frequently.
94
00:04:42,691 --> 00:04:44,867
I've gone to the time
of dinosaurs.
95
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,521
No feathers, by the way.
96
00:04:46,564 --> 00:04:49,350
Scientists get it wrong again!
97
00:04:49,393 --> 00:04:52,048
I've watched the collapse
of the last bit of matter
98
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,485
in the universe
at the end of time.
99
00:04:54,529 --> 00:04:56,618
I know who Banksy actually is.
100
00:04:56,661 --> 00:04:58,272
It's "Captain" Lou Albano.
101
00:04:58,315 --> 00:05:00,056
He's not dead, by the way.
102
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,190
Scientists get it wrong again,
again!
103
00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:05,540
You want to see the wonders
of the universe?
104
00:05:05,583 --> 00:05:09,021
Just put out your crystals,
vibrate your pineal gland,
105
00:05:09,065 --> 00:05:12,764
and... snap... you're off.
106
00:05:12,808 --> 00:05:15,202
Since all my listeners
are now successfully
107
00:05:15,245 --> 00:05:16,377
astral-projecting,
108
00:05:16,420 --> 00:05:17,987
I'll take this private moment
109
00:05:18,030 --> 00:05:20,163
to say a shameful secret.
110
00:05:20,207 --> 00:05:22,078
I have, in the past,
111
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,428
treated the Sports Illustrated
Swimsuit Edition
112
00:05:24,472 --> 00:05:26,213
as pornography.
113
00:05:29,825 --> 00:05:32,262
Excuse me. Are you Mr. Sraberg?
114
00:05:32,306 --> 00:05:34,003
So you're my trainee,
115
00:05:34,046 --> 00:05:36,353
here to learn how to drive
the famous BangVan?
116
00:05:36,397 --> 00:05:38,268
Yeah.
I mean, I'm hoping
117
00:05:38,312 --> 00:05:39,637
to get in the back seat
at some point,
118
00:05:39,661 --> 00:05:40,966
do some acting, you know?
119
00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:42,185
Get in line.
120
00:05:42,229 --> 00:05:44,013
I've been the driver forever,
121
00:05:44,056 --> 00:05:46,363
so if anybody's getting that tap
on the shoulder, it's me.
122
00:05:46,407 --> 00:05:47,886
Beautiful street, right?
123
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,845
It's not just the humping
people enjoy.
124
00:05:49,888 --> 00:05:51,890
It's the scenery
going by the windows.
125
00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:53,196
It's a huge part, I believe.
126
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,676
- Shhhh!
- Shh!
127
00:05:54,719 --> 00:05:56,199
Just because you work
in a BangVan
128
00:05:56,243 --> 00:05:58,070
doesn't mean
you can't be professional.
129
00:05:58,114 --> 00:06:00,595
Rule number 1...
eyes on the road.
130
00:06:00,638 --> 00:06:02,529
You're gonna be tempted
to sneak peeks in the mirror,
131
00:06:02,553 --> 00:06:04,207
but don't do it.
132
00:06:04,251 --> 00:06:06,818
Oh, damn, that's hot!
133
00:06:06,862 --> 00:06:09,734
Wow. Guys,
I ran a red just then.
134
00:06:13,129 --> 00:06:15,175
Is this meth, Steve?
135
00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:19,527
It's my rose quartz...
to relax my neural pathways.
136
00:06:19,570 --> 00:06:21,851
I've been listening to this
radio show hosted by Palmer...
137
00:06:21,877 --> 00:06:25,794
Radio is dead, Steve.
Stern is on SiriusXM now.
138
00:06:25,837 --> 00:06:27,361
Astral projection?
139
00:06:27,404 --> 00:06:29,841
Oh, Steve,
that's New Age garbage.
140
00:06:29,885 --> 00:06:33,062
And a book? When TV?
What are you thinking?
141
00:06:33,105 --> 00:06:35,586
Palmer says everyone used
to astral-project,
142
00:06:35,630 --> 00:06:38,285
until our pineal glands
got gunked up with fluoride...
143
00:06:38,328 --> 00:06:40,025
The pineal gland is a myth!
144
00:06:40,069 --> 00:06:43,203
Well, no one disputes
the pineal gland exists.
145
00:06:43,246 --> 00:06:44,702
People just aren't sure
what the gland does.
146
00:06:44,726 --> 00:06:47,424
Gland this, gland that.
Let's not talk about glands.
147
00:06:47,468 --> 00:06:48,991
Let's talk about careers.
148
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,949
You could be anything, Steve.
149
00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,318
Why, you could be
an endocrinologist,
150
00:06:52,342 --> 00:06:53,430
whatever that is.
151
00:06:53,474 --> 00:06:55,127
That's... Are you...
152
00:06:55,171 --> 00:06:56,912
That's a doctor
who studies glands.
153
00:06:56,955 --> 00:06:58,305
There's that word again.
154
00:06:58,348 --> 00:07:00,132
I'm afraid I'm going to have
to forbid you
155
00:07:00,176 --> 00:07:01,917
from listening
to that radio show.
156
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,484
But he's the only adult
I know who has
157
00:07:03,527 --> 00:07:05,268
any wonder in his life!
158
00:07:05,312 --> 00:07:07,052
Pff! You don't need
astral projection
159
00:07:07,096 --> 00:07:08,619
to have wonder in your life.
160
00:07:08,663 --> 00:07:10,491
Okay. Then where do I find it?
161
00:07:10,534 --> 00:07:13,885
Um, um, look, you know
I know the answer,
162
00:07:13,929 --> 00:07:16,540
but, uh, I'm tired,
you're tired,
163
00:07:16,584 --> 00:07:18,083
and I don't want
to be up all night explaining
164
00:07:18,107 --> 00:07:19,630
it to you when you're
not gonna get it.
165
00:07:19,674 --> 00:07:21,284
Now go to sleep
and have sweet dreams,
166
00:07:21,328 --> 00:07:23,155
or we're gonna have
big problems, mister.
167
00:07:24,548 --> 00:07:26,463
It's 4:30!
168
00:07:30,162 --> 00:07:34,645
Stupid Dad. Gah!
I'm shaking with anger.
169
00:07:34,689 --> 00:07:37,866
Whoa! Whoa! What's happening?
170
00:07:37,909 --> 00:07:39,868
Help me!
Oh, God!
171
00:07:39,911 --> 00:07:42,131
Help me!
172
00:07:42,174 --> 00:07:44,612
Hi.
I'm DJ Karen Shipley,
173
00:07:44,655 --> 00:07:47,658
filling in for Palmer, who
suspiciously didn't show up.
174
00:07:47,702 --> 00:07:49,356
Oh, my God!
It's unlike him,
175
00:07:49,399 --> 00:07:51,706
and he hasn't returned
any of our calls.
176
00:07:51,749 --> 00:07:53,882
But, anyhoo, I'm just gonna play
177
00:07:53,925 --> 00:07:56,276
"I'd Really Love
To See You Tonight."
178
00:07:56,319 --> 00:07:59,583
I think... I think
I astral-projected!
179
00:07:59,627 --> 00:08:01,019
And... and that room.
180
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:03,239
That must have been
where Palmer is.
181
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,067
He was calling for help.
182
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,982
I have to save Palmer!
183
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:11,987
As soon as they play a bad song.
184
00:08:16,034 --> 00:08:18,341
Thank you all
for coming so quickly.
185
00:08:18,385 --> 00:08:19,864
I apologize for the late hour.
186
00:08:19,908 --> 00:08:22,258
If we're aiming to party,
187
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:25,261
look what Barry got
his little hands on.
188
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,264
My dad's friend left his
fringe jacket at the house,
189
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,266
and this was inside.
190
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,355
Palmer Elymas
is in trouble, guys.
191
00:08:32,399 --> 00:08:34,183
Palmer Elymas?
192
00:08:34,226 --> 00:08:36,141
That's your
talking goldfish, yeah?
193
00:08:36,185 --> 00:08:38,013
He's the host of
The Wondercabinet.
194
00:08:38,056 --> 00:08:40,929
Someone's attacking him
or kidnapping him.
195
00:08:40,972 --> 00:08:43,540
He... he knows too much.
He's saying too much.
196
00:08:43,584 --> 00:08:46,456
About who?
197
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:47,979
Big Fluoride!
198
00:08:48,023 --> 00:08:49,677
Should we call the police then?
199
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,113
We can't call the police.
200
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:52,636
You're damn right!
201
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:54,943
Not when I have this
much party powder on me.
202
00:08:54,986 --> 00:08:58,381
I guess we can hide it
in our noses.
203
00:08:58,425 --> 00:09:00,209
The police
will never believe me.
204
00:09:00,252 --> 00:09:03,517
I only know Palmer's
in trouble because...
205
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:04,560
I astral-projected.
206
00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:07,608
You what?
207
00:09:07,651 --> 00:09:09,349
Everything Palmer said is true!
208
00:09:09,392 --> 00:09:12,003
I actually left my body
and traveled
209
00:09:12,047 --> 00:09:13,570
to what must be Palmer's house.
210
00:09:13,614 --> 00:09:16,138
You want us to go
to some guy's house?
211
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,681
He's the only one talking
about how incredible
212
00:09:17,705 --> 00:09:19,707
life can actually be.
213
00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:21,796
The radio station
has to have his address.
214
00:09:21,839 --> 00:09:23,754
To the bikes!
215
00:09:26,278 --> 00:09:27,802
No one wants my cocaine.
216
00:09:27,845 --> 00:09:29,586
Feel like a frickin' idiot!
217
00:09:30,631 --> 00:09:32,894
Hey, Steve.
218
00:09:32,937 --> 00:09:34,393
Sounds like you're watching
Revenge of the Nerds in here.
219
00:09:34,417 --> 00:09:37,159
Let's start from the begi...
He's gone.
220
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,074
Initiate Expert Tracker mode.
221
00:09:40,684 --> 00:09:43,121
This open window is the perfect
place to stand
222
00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:44,949
and wonder how he got out.
223
00:09:44,993 --> 00:09:46,342
We've got to get there fast!
224
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,083
Let's cut through the cemetery!
225
00:09:51,303 --> 00:09:53,828
I say we cross the playground
where we saw that condom,
226
00:09:53,871 --> 00:09:55,525
then shoot down Mohawk Drive.
227
00:09:55,569 --> 00:09:57,353
Mohawk... perfect!
228
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,224
The tree roots pushed up
all the sidewalks,
229
00:09:59,268 --> 00:10:01,139
turning them into little ramps.
230
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,576
Since time is of the essence,
231
00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:03,968
we'll only take five minutes
232
00:10:04,012 --> 00:10:05,206
to do totally sick bike jumps.
233
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,406
- 10.
- Deal!
234
00:10:06,449 --> 00:10:08,495
- 15!
- Even better deal!
235
00:10:08,538 --> 00:10:11,236
Whoa! That guy almost hit me!
236
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:12,977
I mean, I know it's my ticket.
237
00:10:13,021 --> 00:10:15,806
It's just... boy, you know,
I don't make much,
238
00:10:15,850 --> 00:10:18,243
and this big number here...
that's got me sweating.
239
00:10:18,287 --> 00:10:20,115
What does everybody
in the back think?
240
00:10:20,158 --> 00:10:21,309
It... it should be me
that pays it
241
00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:22,398
'cause I'm the one
that ran the red?
242
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,901
Quiet, Teddy!
243
00:10:23,945 --> 00:10:25,642
Hey, new guy,
you ready to jump back here,
244
00:10:25,686 --> 00:10:26,513
show us your stuff?
245
00:10:26,556 --> 00:10:27,949
Yes, sir!
246
00:10:29,864 --> 00:10:31,431
Are you kidding me?
I quit!
247
00:10:31,474 --> 00:10:32,954
Good luck getting people
248
00:10:32,997 --> 00:10:34,651
to watch sex in a parked van.
249
00:10:36,523 --> 00:10:39,308
I'm unquitting because
this just proves
250
00:10:39,351 --> 00:10:41,963
someone from up here can
actually make it back there.
251
00:10:42,006 --> 00:10:43,530
Shut up, Teddy!
252
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,925
The radio station.
253
00:10:47,969 --> 00:10:50,319
Palmer's home address
has to be in there.
254
00:10:50,362 --> 00:10:52,364
We've just got to get
past the guard.
255
00:10:52,408 --> 00:10:55,455
Let's forget this
radio-station business
256
00:10:55,498 --> 00:10:58,632
and get a little high?
257
00:10:58,675 --> 00:11:00,938
Get high! That's it!
258
00:11:00,982 --> 00:11:03,506
There's a door up on the roof
of the radio station.
259
00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:05,290
We just need to build
a big-enough jump.
260
00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:07,031
A jump, you say?
261
00:11:11,862 --> 00:11:14,169
- Here goes noth...
- What do we have here?
262
00:11:14,212 --> 00:11:15,779
We're busted!
263
00:11:15,823 --> 00:11:17,583
You little troublemakers
are going away for a long...
264
00:11:17,607 --> 00:11:19,174
A ramp?!
265
00:11:19,217 --> 00:11:21,568
I haven't gone off a ramp
since I was a kid!
266
00:11:21,611 --> 00:11:23,004
Watch this!
267
00:11:23,047 --> 00:11:26,921
Time to fly like an eagle, baby!
268
00:11:26,964 --> 00:11:29,140
I broke my ass!
269
00:11:29,184 --> 00:11:31,055
I'm so embarrassed!
270
00:11:31,099 --> 00:11:33,710
They're gonna put me
in a big plaster diaper!
271
00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:35,495
Oh, no!
272
00:11:45,809 --> 00:11:48,725
You came!
273
00:11:48,769 --> 00:11:50,553
You're interested in radio!
274
00:11:51,641 --> 00:11:55,123
Don't push me into
the closet I sleep in!
275
00:11:58,953 --> 00:12:02,043
Palmer Elymas... the Vista View
Apartments on Third Street.
276
00:12:02,086 --> 00:12:04,262
Mm, is there someone
special you'd like
277
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:06,264
to dedicate this love song to?
278
00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:08,745
A very important
woman in my life.
279
00:12:08,789 --> 00:12:11,966
Just thinking about her
makes my heart race.
280
00:12:12,009 --> 00:12:14,490
Love is just so, so special.
281
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,884
She's a cartoon bird
with big, red lips
282
00:12:16,927 --> 00:12:19,364
that's in these
car-insurance commercials.
283
00:12:19,408 --> 00:12:21,323
She sounds incredible.
284
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,779
Here's Peter Cetera's
"Glory of Love"
285
00:12:22,803 --> 00:12:24,163
from The Karate Kid II
soundtrack.
286
00:12:27,764 --> 00:12:29,940
This tree is dry.
287
00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:32,682
The roots have been
squeezed of moisture by kids
288
00:12:32,726 --> 00:12:34,379
doing jumps off the sidewalk.
289
00:12:37,774 --> 00:12:41,604
Four kids to be precise...
three normals and a large.
290
00:12:41,648 --> 00:12:42,866
They're heading east.
291
00:12:42,910 --> 00:12:45,477
Whoa! This guy's driving
on the sidewalk!
292
00:12:45,521 --> 00:12:47,131
And I'll tell you
something else.
293
00:12:47,175 --> 00:12:48,568
People want to see someone
294
00:12:48,611 --> 00:12:50,328
with a little paunch,
a guy who works for a living
295
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:51,527
have sex in the van.
296
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:52,702
Fine. Let's go.
297
00:12:52,746 --> 00:12:54,356
R-R-Right now?
298
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,358
- Yes.
- But... but who's gonna drive?
299
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:57,968
We'll park.
300
00:12:58,012 --> 00:12:59,622
P-People need to see
the trees going by.
301
00:12:59,666 --> 00:13:01,276
Tonight or never.
302
00:13:01,319 --> 00:13:03,539
Okay, okay.
But I'm frizzing out.
303
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:06,324
At least let me wet down my hair
in a gas-station bathroom.
304
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:07,650
You've got to let me
make it nice.
305
00:13:07,674 --> 00:13:09,153
Please!
306
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:18,641
Hmm. Makeshift ramp,
a loser with broken butt.
307
00:13:18,685 --> 00:13:20,251
I've solved it.
308
00:13:20,295 --> 00:13:21,949
This fool was trying
to relive his youth.
309
00:13:21,992 --> 00:13:24,212
Maybe to impress some kids?
310
00:13:24,255 --> 00:13:26,910
Judging by how dry
his mouth feels,
311
00:13:26,954 --> 00:13:29,521
I'd say the boys left here
about 45 minutes ago.
312
00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:32,133
Get your hands out of my mouth!
313
00:13:32,176 --> 00:13:33,850
If you're looking for those
boys, they went...
314
00:13:33,874 --> 00:13:35,963
Stop! I want to
track them only by seeing
315
00:13:36,006 --> 00:13:37,660
how moist things are.
316
00:13:40,707 --> 00:13:44,667
Okay, best-case scenario,
Palmer's tied up inside.
317
00:13:44,711 --> 00:13:46,071
So we can't just knock
on the door.
318
00:13:46,756 --> 00:13:48,497
Barry, no!
319
00:13:48,540 --> 00:13:50,891
What if the agents
of Big Fluoride are...
320
00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:53,284
Palmer? Y-You're okay!
321
00:13:53,328 --> 00:13:54,851
I thought something
happened to you.
322
00:13:54,895 --> 00:13:56,461
Something did happen to me!
323
00:13:56,505 --> 00:13:59,029
I have a toothache,
which is crazy,
324
00:13:59,073 --> 00:14:02,946
because I wipe my teeth with
a hand towel three times a day!
325
00:14:02,990 --> 00:14:04,513
Uh, how do you know who I am?
326
00:14:04,556 --> 00:14:07,298
From The Wondercabinet.
I'm a fan.
327
00:14:07,342 --> 00:14:08,909
And guess what.
328
00:14:08,952 --> 00:14:11,563
I astral-projected
right into your apartment.
329
00:14:11,607 --> 00:14:14,044
Where... where are
the astral charts?
330
00:14:14,088 --> 00:14:15,698
Where are the crystals?
331
00:14:15,742 --> 00:14:19,659
It's just a bunch of posters
of... race cars?
332
00:14:19,702 --> 00:14:21,399
Yeah!
You can't even drive
333
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,706
this one on the street
it's so fast.
334
00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:25,142
I-Is there another room?
335
00:14:25,186 --> 00:14:28,058
Another room?! I work in radio.
336
00:14:28,102 --> 00:14:30,670
Who do you think I am?
King Ralph?
337
00:14:30,713 --> 00:14:32,149
I astral-projected!
338
00:14:32,193 --> 00:14:34,630
Really? That's wild!
339
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,023
I'd love to do that.
340
00:14:36,066 --> 00:14:38,025
But... but you have.
341
00:14:38,068 --> 00:14:39,853
You said so on your show.
342
00:14:39,896 --> 00:14:41,463
I just made that up.
343
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:44,422
So I didn't astral-project.
344
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,990
And you're just another
sad adult.
345
00:14:47,034 --> 00:14:52,604
I am so sick of sad adults!
346
00:14:54,737 --> 00:14:56,043
My Lamborghini Veneno!
347
00:14:56,086 --> 00:14:58,045
Steve, he's okay.
348
00:14:58,088 --> 00:15:00,047
Why are you so upset?
349
00:15:00,090 --> 00:15:01,657
We're supposed to pick a path,
350
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,746
but they all lead
to the same place...
351
00:15:03,790 --> 00:15:05,879
a small, sad life!
352
00:15:05,922 --> 00:15:07,968
I thought there was another way,
but there isn't!
353
00:15:08,011 --> 00:15:10,492
They should call you boys
Hurricane Katrina,
354
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,755
'cause you've been leaving
water all over town.
355
00:15:12,799 --> 00:15:14,888
And you!
356
00:15:14,931 --> 00:15:17,281
You want me to live the
smallest, worst life of all...
357
00:15:17,325 --> 00:15:18,282
yours!
358
00:15:18,326 --> 00:15:22,373
You're a hagfish!
359
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:30,120
Whoa! Is that his pineal gland?
360
00:15:30,164 --> 00:15:33,210
Steve!
361
00:15:51,446 --> 00:15:53,361
The astral plane.
362
00:15:53,404 --> 00:15:54,841
I'm here.
363
00:15:54,884 --> 00:15:57,191
Oh, God, I'm actually here!
364
00:15:57,234 --> 00:15:58,888
It's real!
365
00:15:58,932 --> 00:16:01,543
Okay, how does it work?
How does it work?
366
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:06,548
I should be able to just think
of a place and go, say Paris.
367
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,333
Magnifique!
368
00:16:09,377 --> 00:16:13,773
I can go anywhere,
even Chimdale.
369
00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:17,820
Wow! Chimdale!
370
00:16:17,864 --> 00:16:20,518
It's like Paris on steroids.
371
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:24,131
It's all so beautiful!
I want to see everything.
372
00:16:24,174 --> 00:16:26,916
I want to see everything Palmer
lied about getting to see,
373
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,789
to every time and every place,
374
00:16:29,832 --> 00:16:32,792
to the last moment
of the universe!
375
00:16:37,361 --> 00:16:39,102
Sad ending.
376
00:16:39,146 --> 00:16:41,670
Got to stop reading
the last page of a book first.
377
00:16:41,713 --> 00:16:46,066
Now show me dinosaurs!
378
00:16:48,677 --> 00:16:50,113
Incredible!
379
00:16:50,157 --> 00:16:52,507
The feathers are
so unpleasant, though.
380
00:16:57,381 --> 00:16:59,253
Bu-gawk!
381
00:16:59,296 --> 00:17:00,776
Oh, just awful.
382
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:04,649
Now show me everything!
383
00:17:44,428 --> 00:17:45,952
There we go.
384
00:17:45,995 --> 00:17:47,431
Hey, you're great.
385
00:17:47,475 --> 00:17:49,042
You're a nice guy.
386
00:17:49,085 --> 00:17:50,391
People want to see you
do things.
387
00:17:50,434 --> 00:17:52,219
Did you get in shape
the way you wanted?
388
00:17:52,262 --> 00:17:53,916
No, of course not.
389
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,502
Did you eat like you were
an actor trying to gain
390
00:17:55,526 --> 00:17:56,571
100 pounds for a role?
391
00:17:56,614 --> 00:17:57,920
Yeah. So what?
392
00:17:57,964 --> 00:18:01,402
Now are you ready to smash?
Yeah.
393
00:18:01,445 --> 00:18:03,099
I said, are you ready to smash?!
394
00:18:03,143 --> 00:18:05,145
Yes! Let me really hear it.
395
00:18:05,188 --> 00:18:06,886
I'm gonna smash!
396
00:18:06,929 --> 00:18:08,148
Yeah!
397
00:18:10,802 --> 00:18:13,501
No! H-Help!
398
00:18:13,544 --> 00:18:15,590
Can anyone hear me?
399
00:18:15,633 --> 00:18:16,721
Where the hell is Teddy?
400
00:18:16,765 --> 00:18:18,549
I'm in here! My hair is wet.
401
00:18:18,593 --> 00:18:20,073
I'm ready for sex!
402
00:18:20,116 --> 00:18:21,378
You know, I was thinking,
403
00:18:21,422 --> 00:18:23,424
what if we just used
a green screen
404
00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:25,208
instead of driving around
all the time?
405
00:18:25,252 --> 00:18:26,949
No! That's terrible!
406
00:18:26,993 --> 00:18:28,559
That could totally work.
407
00:18:28,603 --> 00:18:31,780
No! Why can I hear you
and you can't hear me?!
408
00:18:31,823 --> 00:18:33,390
We wouldn't need
a driver at all!
409
00:18:33,434 --> 00:18:34,957
I'm having a panic attack!
410
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,353
Well, Roger's at it again.
411
00:18:39,396 --> 00:18:40,396
What next?
412
00:18:41,833 --> 00:18:43,618
That strange room.
413
00:18:43,661 --> 00:18:45,185
I forgot about that.
414
00:18:45,228 --> 00:18:47,056
If it wasn't Palmer's room,
what was it?
415
00:18:49,276 --> 00:18:51,452
I'm back! This is it!
416
00:18:51,495 --> 00:18:53,845
But where is this?
417
00:18:53,889 --> 00:18:55,760
Let's take it back in time.
418
00:18:59,329 --> 00:19:01,810
It's Dad's study.
419
00:19:03,899 --> 00:19:06,467
Where are you?
420
00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:07,903
Where did you go?
421
00:19:20,394 --> 00:19:21,612
Help me!
422
00:19:21,656 --> 00:19:24,050
Oh, God, help me!
423
00:19:24,093 --> 00:19:26,313
Dad was the one
calling for help...
424
00:19:26,356 --> 00:19:27,923
to save me.
425
00:19:31,187 --> 00:19:33,668
Steve! You came back!
426
00:19:33,711 --> 00:19:35,452
Be careful.
That's Waterford glass.
427
00:19:35,496 --> 00:19:37,498
I've traveled so far, Dad,
428
00:19:37,541 --> 00:19:40,109
to every corner
of this universe.
429
00:19:40,153 --> 00:19:41,763
I've seen so much.
430
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,373
Did I end up getting cast
as Hamilton
431
00:19:43,417 --> 00:19:44,853
in the movie version
of Hamilton?
432
00:19:44,896 --> 00:19:46,159
No.
433
00:19:46,202 --> 00:19:48,465
Well, I owe Tuttle
a million dollars.
434
00:19:48,509 --> 00:19:49,945
There's something I need to say.
435
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,078
No. You're back.
436
00:19:52,121 --> 00:19:54,297
We don't have to talk
ever again.
437
00:19:54,341 --> 00:19:56,691
I apologize for calling you
a hagfish
438
00:19:56,734 --> 00:19:58,693
and saying your life was small,
439
00:19:58,736 --> 00:20:01,130
for thinking anyone's life
was small.
440
00:20:01,174 --> 00:20:03,350
I wanted something infinite,
but I didn't realize
441
00:20:03,393 --> 00:20:05,352
I had it right here.
442
00:20:05,395 --> 00:20:08,311
A love so big it moved us
across time and space
443
00:20:08,355 --> 00:20:10,400
to find each other.
444
00:20:10,444 --> 00:20:12,750
Is that what you couldn't
figure out how to say, Dad?
445
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:14,622
Is that what you wanted me
to understand?
446
00:20:14,665 --> 00:20:17,581
No. That's stupid.
447
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:18,887
And even if it was what I felt,
448
00:20:18,930 --> 00:20:21,672
how dare you say it out loud.
449
00:20:21,716 --> 00:20:23,500
Don't touch me.
450
00:20:23,544 --> 00:20:25,372
Get away from me!
451
00:20:26,677 --> 00:20:29,202
What's say we pop open
that third eye,
452
00:20:29,245 --> 00:20:31,378
do a little astral
projecting together.
453
00:20:35,338 --> 00:20:37,340
I'm haunting my own house.
454
00:20:43,346 --> 00:20:45,261
Dad, I told you
they can't see us.
455
00:20:45,305 --> 00:20:47,437
What's the point then?
This sucks.
456
00:20:47,481 --> 00:20:49,570
I'll show you something
that doesn't suck.
457
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,964
Whoa! Chimdale.
458
00:20:53,008 --> 00:20:54,792
Now, this I could get used to.
459
00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:56,446
Right?!
460
00:20:56,490 --> 00:20:58,144
Bye! Have a great time!
32458
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof