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1
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♪♪
2
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:19,085
♪ I bet we've been
together for a million years ♪
3
00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:23,680
♪ And I bet we'll be
together for a million more ♪
4
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:27,283
♪ Oh, it's like I
started breathing ♪
5
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:30,090
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
6
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:35,328
♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪
7
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:41,067
♪ What would we do,
baby, without us? ♪
8
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:46,340
♪ What would we do,
baby, without us? ♪
9
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:52,613
♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪
10
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:57,782
♪ What would we do,
baby, without us? ♪
11
00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:01,589
♪ Sha-la-la-la. ♪
12
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:05,761
Oh, what are you working on?
13
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,610
Oh, I'm writing a play
for my history class.
14
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,604
It's about the final days of
Richard Nixon's presidency.
15
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,172
Oh, a comedy.
16
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:15,538
Well, it's got a little
bit of everything, Mom.
17
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,235
You'll laugh, you'll cry.
18
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:21,041
I call it "Ain't Misbehavin'...
All Right, Maybe I Am."
19
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:22,945
- Oh.
- Wait, listen to this.
20
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,161
From the discussions I have had
21
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,563
with congressional
and other leaders,
22
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,955
I have concluded that because
of the Watergate matter...
23
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,353
Dick!
24
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:33,357
Dick, you've
finally come for me!
25
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,224
Dick?
26
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:38,764
Alex, pull yourself
together. It's just a tape.
27
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,698
I'm writing a play of... of
the day Nixon resigned.
28
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,463
Hey, Jen, that is great.
29
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:44,697
That is great.
30
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:47,171
Do you realize that
you are writing a play
31
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:50,334
about the greatest president
this country has ever known?
32
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:51,477
Wait a minute, Alex.
33
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:52,822
You've always said
that Ronald Reagan
34
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:53,939
was the greatest president.
35
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,447
I heard you say that, too, Alex.
36
00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:57,744
Which is it, Nixon or Reagan?
37
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,217
Ooh, boy. Whew.
38
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:05,690
Well, Nixon...
39
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,818
has a better body.
40
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,724
Why isn't Mallory home yet?
41
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,200
Ah, who cares?
More oxygen for us.
42
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,396
I don't know. She's
probably still out with Nick.
43
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,268
She knows I need
the car by 4:00.
44
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:23,036
You'd think between the two
of them, they could tell time.
45
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:25,077
Yeah, well, maybe if
Nick takes the big hand
46
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:28,046
and Mallory takes
the little hand...
47
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,850
Nah.
48
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,715
- Hi.
- Hey...
49
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:34,947
Hey.
50
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,081
Young lady, do you have
any idea what time it is?
51
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:40,456
Well, no. Nick, do you?
52
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,564
Um...
53
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,667
Just glad Darwin
isn't alive to see this.
54
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:50,835
Didn't I tell you to get
the car back by 4:00?
55
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:53,099
I've got something very
important to do today.
56
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,367
Oh, sorry, Dad. We tried,
57
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,188
but the Artists' Alliance
for Peace meeting
58
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,335
ran a little late.
59
00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,776
Hey, I want peace as
much as the next guy,
60
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,712
but I've got to get a
new pair of galoshes.
61
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,477
Dad, this is ridiculous.
62
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:07,247
There are too many drivers in
the house and not enough cars.
63
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:09,720
It's true, Dad. In a few
months, I'm going to be driving,
64
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,518
and I'm going to
need a car, too.
65
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:14,321
Yeah, and on Wednesday,
August 11, 2003,
66
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:18,557
I'm gonna need the car to
take Marion Davis to the movies.
67
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,600
She said she'd consider
going out with me
68
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,203
sometime next century.
69
00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:27,599
Dad, you know,
I've been saving up,
70
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,870
and I think I have
enough for a really fun car.
71
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:33,105
Oh, oh, and you may remember
my dad runs the biggest
72
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:36,512
and most often sued
used car lot in the Midwest.
73
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,050
Well, I think it's a good idea.
74
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,164
- We could definitely use another car.
- Definitely.
75
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,832
Great. Then Nick and I will
go down to the showroom
76
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,233
- and pick something out.
- Now, wait.
77
00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,202
Wait a minute, wait a
minute. I better go with you.
78
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,271
It's very easy to get swindled
in one of those places.
79
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,196
Dad, it's Nick's dad.
80
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:53,129
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
All the more reason.
81
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:55,802
Uh, Bill will take care of you.
82
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,768
Congratulations on your vehicle.
83
00:03:58,705 --> 00:03:59,832
Hey...
84
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:00,973
Hey!
85
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:02,566
- Hey.
- Hi.
86
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,837
Ho.
87
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:08,813
Um, Joe, do you remember
my dad, Steven Keaton?
88
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:09,949
Oh, yes, yes.
89
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,427
Very nice to resume
our relationship.
90
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:13,420
Always a pleasure.
91
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:16,182
Hey, um, Dad, Mal's
here to buy a car.
92
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,450
Ooh, la la.
93
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,025
Well, you came
to the right place.
94
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,253
Ooh, I like that one.
95
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:22,259
No, no, honey.
96
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:23,693
The only thing
that works in that
97
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,458
is the glove compartment.
98
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,228
Well, uh, hey, we don't want
to waste your time too much.
99
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:29,645
We'll, uh, get down to business.
100
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:31,114
Well, well, well,
well, what business?
101
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,697
Whoa, whoa, take it easy.
102
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,831
Come on, let's
schmooze a little bit.
103
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,603
You're family.
104
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:40,839
Well, inasmuch as we're
both in the family of man.
105
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,814
Steven, what I
am trying to tell you
106
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,923
is that you can
never waste my time.
107
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:51,056
Now, come on, sit down.
108
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,659
What's been going
on in your life?
109
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:56,161
- Well, uh, I'm still...
- I got just the car for you.
110
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,926
Oh, this is, uh...
yeah, I like this.
111
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:03,059
This looks like a
very sturdy vehicle.
112
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:06,731
Dad, it looks like something
that broke off a glacier.
113
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,333
Honey, I think this looks nice.
114
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,500
Oh, I like that one.
115
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,340
That cute little Karmann Ghia.
116
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,176
Oh, Mal, Mal, come on,
I don't know about that.
117
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,511
Are you sure this care is safe?
118
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,643
Safe? I can assure
you that it's safe.
119
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:20,879
I personally use it
120
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:24,150
to drive back and forth
to the small claims court.
121
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:26,522
Which is a lot of round trips.
122
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,128
Oh, I'm crazy about it.
123
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,320
How much is it?
124
00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:31,658
Mal, Mal, God...
125
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:34,199
You got to play
these things cool.
126
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,701
She's crazy about it.
127
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,136
How much is it?
128
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,900
For you?
129
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,907
$3,500.
130
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,277
Isn't that a little high?
131
00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:46,971
Okay, all right.
132
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,743
Tell you what I'm going to do.
133
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,684
I'm going to give
you this beauty
134
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,881
for $3,000 even.
135
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,857
I've never done this before.
136
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:03,555
I'm doing this only
because I love you.
137
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,356
I love you, too.
138
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,161
$2,500.
139
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,668
I love you slightly less.
140
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,033
A deal.
141
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:15,040
Oh, honey, it's
yours for $2,500.
142
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,803
Dad, that's way out of my range.
143
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,605
No problem, Mallory.
144
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:21,340
Go to a bank and
partake of a loan.
145
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,780
No, I would never qualify.
146
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,528
No, we just better
look for something else.
147
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,832
Well, how it would make you feel
148
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,412
if I were to cosign
for the loan?
149
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,820
Really?
150
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:33,188
You are the best daddy
in the whole wide world.
151
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,926
Oh, great!
152
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,724
You are the best daddy
in the whole wide world.
153
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,663
I'm not cosigning
nothing for you.
154
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,844
Boo.
155
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,756
Alex, I don't want your help.
156
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:07,893
Come on.
157
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,553
Jen, I just... I just
came by to see
158
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:10,940
if you needed any
more source material.
159
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:11,829
No, thank you, Alex.
160
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,263
I have The Final Days
161
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,392
by Woodward and
Bernstein, I have manuscripts
162
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,730
of the Watergate hearings,
163
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,533
and I have several back
copies of the Washington Post.
164
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:21,905
Well, that's, uh...
165
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,635
that's great, Jen.
166
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:27,339
But I have a much
more reliable publication.
167
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,642
Nixie.
168
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:38,122
The official magazine of
the Richard Nixon Fan Club,
169
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:41,751
of which I have been a
charter member since 1967.
170
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:45,423
You've been the only
member since 1967.
171
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:49,002
Oh, God, who would want
to see him in a swimsuit?
172
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,798
With the nose clips.
173
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:52,938
Hey, Jen?
174
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:54,200
Turn the page.
175
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:04,608
Come on, he looks
great on the bearskin rug.
176
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,384
Hey, hey.
177
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:11,367
- Hey. Hey. Where have you guys been?
- Hi.
178
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,415
At the mall.
179
00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:14,391
Yeah, went to the
auto accessories store.
180
00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:17,019
You should see all
the great stuff I got.
181
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,394
Look. "Shopaholic on board."
182
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:22,458
And...
183
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,970
for our driving comfort,
sheepskin seat covers.
184
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,075
And matching pants.
185
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:35,546
And, for complete
cosmetic care on the road,
186
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:39,141
a visor mirror that
just happens to be...
187
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:40,753
full length.
188
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,281
That's great, Mal.
189
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,905
You look in that
while you're driving,
190
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:50,589
you'll be the prettiest girl
at the three-car pile-up.
191
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:52,562
Dad, I so appreciate
you doing this for me.
192
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,962
- I love you.
- Aw...
193
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,332
Mal, these are the kinds of
moments a father lives for.
194
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,564
Dad, I love you, too.
195
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,835
The moment is over, Nick.
196
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:06,872
Hey.
197
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:08,504
- Hey.
- Hi.
198
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:11,482
- Ho.
- Huh?
199
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:12,813
Good news, everybody.
200
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:14,597
Everything has been
approved for your car loan.
201
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,499
- Here are the pertinent documents.
- Oh, great.
202
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,134
Oh, perhaps we should
look these over, honey?
203
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,158
Yeah, you're right.
204
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,683
You better look them over.
205
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:24,457
As a matter of fact, I
better look them over here.
206
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:28,034
Oh, no, what was
I thinking here?
207
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:31,104
I can't do this to
somebody I know.
208
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:34,469
I can't do this to
somebody I don't know.
209
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:35,802
See this?
210
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,808
- I can go to jail for this.
- Oh.
211
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,970
I know. I've gone
to jail for this.
212
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,105
This is a travesty.
213
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,979
Ethics: very difficult.
214
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,142
Here we go.
215
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,652
A pure document.
216
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,949
All that is required
is your signatures,
217
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,888
and the vehicle will be yours.
218
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,152
Mallory?
219
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,434
Steven, your plume.
220
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,299
Thank you.
221
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,905
Nick, this is so exciting.
222
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,399
We'll finally get
to take that trip
223
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:08,873
we've been dreaming about.
224
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,909
That's right. Enjoy yourselves.
225
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,309
What-what trip?
226
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,966
Oh, Dad, I've got
this all planned out.
227
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:16,572
This spring break, Nick and I
228
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:18,194
are going to drive
around the country.
229
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,187
We are going to
see the U.S. of A.
230
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,686
And after that,
we're going to head
231
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:24,256
south of the border,
straight into Rhode Island.
232
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,826
Well, I'm not so sure
I'm happy with this idea.
233
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,954
Eh, why don't we
just sign the papers,
234
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:32,759
and we'll chat about
travel plans later?
235
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:35,300
Mal... Mallory, I don't want you
236
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,461
gallivanting all
over the country.
237
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:38,833
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
238
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,406
We are not gonna gallivant.
239
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,941
- We're gonna drive.
- Yeah.
240
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,874
Hey, Stevie boy,
I hear you've got
241
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:48,038
one humdinger of a signature.
242
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,275
How about a
demonstration of same?
243
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:51,440
No.
244
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:52,711
Dad, what's the problem?
245
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:54,115
Sign the paper.
246
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,984
- I don't want to.
- Why not?
247
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:57,522
I don't want you
to go on this trip.
248
00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,855
What are you talking about?
249
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,588
I can do whatever I
want. I'm 20 years old!
250
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,962
Oh, yeah?
251
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:08,591
Well, I'm 40 years old!
252
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,761
Mrs. Keaton, you
must be familiar
253
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,169
with your husband's signature.
254
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,442
"And so, on his
last day in office,
255
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,120
"Nixon stood and addressed
the White House staff.
256
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:19,203
"Nixon:
257
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,905
"And so, friends, we
leave with high hopes,
258
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:24,142
"with deep humility
and eight settings
259
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,583
of the good White House china."
260
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:32,451
"Nixon turns to the helicopter,
bumps into Gerald Ford
261
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,824
and says, 'Pardon me, if
you know what I mean. ""
262
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,765
Jennifer, how could you?
263
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:43,631
And with him sitting
here the whole time.
264
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,534
Come on, Mr. President.
265
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,664
Go upstairs, and I'll tell you
266
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:50,777
all the bad things that
Jennifer's been accused of.
267
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:53,311
And we won't pardon her.
268
00:11:57,684 --> 00:12:00,085
So, uh...
269
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,553
Have you seen
Mallory around recently?
270
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:04,817
Well, she still lives here.
271
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,427
I wouldn't know. She's
not talking to me anymore.
272
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,586
Well, Steven, you
disappointed her.
273
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,163
You said you'd
cosign for the loan,
274
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:12,595
and then you changed your mind.
275
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,758
Oh, sure, make me the heavy.
276
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,267
Okay.
277
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,702
When we were 19, didn't we drive
from Berkeley to Washington, DC
278
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:21,799
- over Christmas vacation?
- That's right. We did.
279
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:24,140
And it practically drove
your father insane.
280
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:27,543
I know, but wasn't it worth it?
281
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,673
Don't you remember what it
was like out under the stars?
282
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:36,047
The two of us in that, uh...
283
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,090
tattered old sleeping bag.
284
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,591
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
285
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:43,356
Oh, my God, Elyse.
Your father was right.
286
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,364
I take it back. I
take it all back.
287
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:49,230
We were bad, bad kids.
288
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,270
Oh, Steven.
289
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:53,830
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.
290
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:55,839
Hey, Mrs. Keaton.
Hey, Mr. Keaton.
291
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,978
Oh, oh, I-I forgot. Um...
292
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:04,642
Uh, Mr. Keaton, we are
giving you the silent treatment.
293
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:07,686
Which means I am not at liberty
to talk with you at the moment,
294
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,118
though, in the very near future,
295
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,224
I'm sure we can
chat like we used to.
296
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,689
Uh, maybe we could discuss...
297
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:15,385
When does your silent
treatment begin, Nick?
298
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:18,430
Because I'm really
looking forward to it.
299
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:20,624
Oh... no, no, no.
It's on right now.
300
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:21,996
Perhaps you didn't follow me.
301
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,135
Hush.
302
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,670
You're not supposed to talk.
303
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,238
No, no.
304
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:29,672
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
305
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,677
You see, I can talk
with you, Mrs. Keaton.
306
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,407
The point is, if I was
to talk with Mr. Keaton...
307
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,186
there would be no point.
308
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,518
Nick, honey, let's go upstairs.
309
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,250
We still have to
plan our vacation.
310
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,951
Oh, hey, hey. We
don't have to plan.
311
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,722
It's just gonna be you and me
312
00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:51,694
sleeping in our
bags under the stars.
313
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,824
You are bad, bad kids.
314
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,538
Mallory, you don't know
what you're getting into
315
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,672
with this trip.
316
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:02,435
You don't know
anything about cars.
317
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,544
It can be very
dangerous, you know.
318
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,545
You know, if you recharge
the battery the wrong way,
319
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,080
you can blow up the car.
320
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:11,377
- How do you know?
- He's done it.
321
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,186
Listen, Dad,
322
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:17,517
Nick and I are gonna go
down to Nick's dad's place,
323
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,683
and we're gonna find
something that I can afford.
324
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,192
And we're gonna make this trip.
325
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:22,818
That's all I have to say.
326
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:30,934
Joe, Joe, I...
want to talk to you.
327
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:32,470
Hey, Steven, always
good to see you.
328
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,200
Let me get the
papers, you'll sign them,
329
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,206
and then we'll split
a bag of pork rinds.
330
00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,208
Uh, Joe...
331
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,575
I didn't come to sign.
332
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,148
Then no pork rinds.
333
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,148
Joe, I need your help.
334
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,150
Man to man...
335
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:49,016
father to father.
336
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:52,148
Which is it, Steve?
337
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,957
Joe, the kids are coming
down here to buy a car,
338
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,497
and I don't want
you to sell it to them.
339
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,329
Uh, Steven, you don't
seem to have a firm grasp
340
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,334
of what I do here.
341
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,336
Joe...
342
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:08,498
I don't think Nick
and Mallory should go
343
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:09,768
on this cross-country trip.
344
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,537
I'm worried about the kids.
345
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,078
Hey, hey. I understand you.
346
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:16,648
I understand you
because we're both fathers.
347
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:19,082
And in a way, that
bonds me and you
348
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:21,414
even stronger
than a wedding vow.
349
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,819
That's lovely, Joe.
350
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:26,152
A little scary.
351
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:28,420
Yeah, but lovely nonetheless.
352
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,427
I know, I know. I
haven't done a...
353
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,327
a terrific job of,
uh, controlling Nick
354
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,991
because I haven't had
a chance to be with him.
355
00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:37,160
Because I abandoned him.
356
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,304
No, but a daughter is different.
357
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,843
If Nick were Nicotina,
358
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:47,879
I wouldn't let him do half
of the stuff that he does.
359
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,482
- What does he do?
- I don't know.
360
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,948
What does he do?
I never see him.
361
00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:54,110
Joe, look, the kids don't
have enough money
362
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,721
to go anyplace else.
363
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,847
They're coming
here, so I'm asking you
364
00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,686
not to sell them a car.
365
00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,158
What am I supposed to tell them
366
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,024
when they walk into
this glorious showroom
367
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:05,358
and they see all
these automobiles?
368
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,534
Joe, I'm gonna ask
you to do something
369
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,476
that's gonna be very
hard for you to do.
370
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:21,945
I want you to lie.
371
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:25,108
Lie? Happily.
372
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:28,619
Thought you were gonna ask
me to give blood or something.
373
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,982
Ooh...
374
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:38,929
- Hey, son.
- Hey.
375
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,829
- Mallory.
- Hi, Joe.
376
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,095
Um, I'm sorry the
first car didn't work out,
377
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:47,071
but we'd like to look at
something, um, less expensive.
378
00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:48,572
You know, I-I been thinking.
379
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:51,041
I don't see what
you need with a car.
380
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,975
All the problems and
the responsibilities,
381
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:54,774
the expenses, car insurance.
382
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,383
A car is a big pain in the butt.
383
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,712
I'm talking to them.
384
00:16:58,851 --> 00:16:59,995
They're young and attractive.
385
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,180
They can get around.
386
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,050
Who's gonna take you anywhere?
387
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:13,326
Dad, we got $1,500.
388
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,332
This is a quality establishment.
389
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:18,063
We don't have
anything for $1,500.
390
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:20,696
Well, what about this car here?
It says $1,300 on the sticker.
391
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,504
It's $1,300 a week.
392
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:31,877
Well, well, Joe, that-that
just about, uh, wraps up
393
00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:34,852
the research on my
new documentary, um...
394
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:39,186
Floor Mats: We Never Get
to Look Out the Window.
395
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,317
Dad, what are you doing here?
396
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,486
Well, I...
397
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:45,495
You came down
here to talk Joe out
398
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,224
of selling me a car, didn't you?
399
00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:48,800
He did nothing of the kind.
400
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,198
All right, I did.
401
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,771
You're a very hard
guy to get a fix on.
402
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,200
I understand your position now.
403
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,073
You have this irrational desire
404
00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,407
to deprive me of
any joy in my life.
405
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:04,381
Let's get out of here, Nick.
406
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,988
And then Nixon says...
407
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:11,920
Alex, stop. I don't want an
alternate ending to my play.
408
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,050
Just give it a chance, okay?
409
00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:18,855
Nixon...
410
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:21,160
steps up to the podium
411
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,860
and addresses the
American people.
412
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:31,300
"My fellow Americans...
413
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:38,677
"I can't thank you
enough for your mandate
414
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,811
"to make me president for life.
415
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:49,423
"But more importantly,
let me broach this subject:
416
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:52,293
"Jennifer Keaton's play
417
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:56,300
"is the worst thing
I have ever read.
418
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:59,997
"And let me just
say this about that:
419
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:04,133
"When I think of
Jennifer's play...
420
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:12,383
"one word comes to mind.
421
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,510
"P.U.
422
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:21,058
"Go see anything else.
423
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,253
"Fiddler on the Roof,
424
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,592
"Hello, Dolly!
425
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:29,532
"or just stay home and
watch reruns of Flubber.
426
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,695
"In conclusion, Jennifer,
427
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,534
"and let me make
this perfectly clear,
428
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,200
"I am ashamed of you.
429
00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,913
"And did I mention,
430
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,915
I hate your play."
431
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,043
The end.
432
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,922
What? What? What?
433
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:58,930
Alex, that was complete
nonsense from beginning to end.
434
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,091
Oh, oh, well, excuse me,
435
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:05,534
Little Miss I Wrote One Play
and Now I'm Shakespeare.
436
00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:07,271
Alex, you know what?
I'm not using yours.
437
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,069
There's only one
copy of one Nixon play
438
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,938
that I am taking
to school with me,
439
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,069
and it's upstairs on
my desk right now.
440
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:19,209
Oh, I'm pooped.
441
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:22,685
I'm just gonna... I'm
gonna take a little nap.
442
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,548
Alex, don't you dare
touch my Nixon play.
443
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,407
Well... Elyse.
444
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:42,803
Hi.
445
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,570
Mallory hates me.
446
00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:46,645
What's going on?
447
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:51,046
I was so upset about Mallory
taking this trip with Nick
448
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,652
that, uh, before they
went down to see Joe,
449
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,152
I went down there first
450
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:57,449
and tried to convince
him not to sell them a car,
451
00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,287
and Mallory found me hiding
on the floor of a Camaro.
452
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,626
Well, o-o-obviously...
453
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,893
you-you meant to do the...
454
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,698
Steven, how could you?
455
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:12,828
How could you?
456
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:20,476
I'll be upstairs watching
Nixon Masterpiece Theater.
457
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:27,248
I suppose the last thing
you want to do is talk to me,
458
00:21:27,386 --> 00:21:30,151
but really, I think we should.
459
00:21:32,158 --> 00:21:34,093
You tried to stop me
from doing something
460
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:35,717
I have every right to do.
461
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:38,490
You went back on your word,
and you did it in front of Joe,
462
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,123
the man who will one
day be my father-in-law.
463
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:43,634
If that's not bad enough,
464
00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:45,897
you treated me like a teenager.
465
00:21:46,038 --> 00:21:49,031
You snuck around behind my
back, and you humiliated me in public.
466
00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:52,774
I agree with
everything you said,
467
00:21:52,912 --> 00:21:54,904
except the father-in-law part.
468
00:21:57,583 --> 00:21:59,552
Dad, I am an adult now.
469
00:21:59,685 --> 00:22:01,551
I'm grown-up.
470
00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:04,680
You really have to start
respecting my judgment.
471
00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:08,127
It's just, for-for 20 years,
472
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:10,058
I've had this job
as your father,
473
00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:12,097
to protect you,
474
00:22:12,231 --> 00:22:14,359
worry about you,
475
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,469
and it-it's just...
476
00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:19,003
it's hard to wake
up one day and say,
477
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:21,107
"Well, Mallory's an adult now.
478
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,732
Stop worrying about her."
479
00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:27,546
It's nice to know that-that
you worry about me.
480
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,706
I mean, it's comforting.
481
00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:32,717
I mean, I know, when I was
a kid and I had a problem,
482
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:34,047
I would always come to you
483
00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:35,797
because I thought
you had all the answers.
484
00:22:35,821 --> 00:22:38,950
You know, I used to love
it when you'd come to me.
485
00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:41,060
Particularly since
Alex never did.
486
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:44,220
He was always telling me to
cut my hair, get a decent job
487
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,026
and stop listening to that
loud rock and roll music.
488
00:22:49,835 --> 00:22:53,363
Dad, don't you know there's
never going to be a time
489
00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:55,804
when I won't come to you?
490
00:22:55,941 --> 00:22:58,604
I mean, I'm always gonna
want to know what you think,
491
00:22:58,744 --> 00:23:00,372
and not just 'cause
you're my dad,
492
00:23:00,512 --> 00:23:02,640
but because I really like you.
493
00:23:04,650 --> 00:23:06,812
I like you, too.
494
00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:10,787
You know, I've been thinking.
495
00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:13,518
As your father, I want
to be supportive of you
496
00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:16,527
and the decisions
you make, so...
497
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:20,298
I've decided to
cosign for that loan.
498
00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:23,034
Thanks, Dad.
499
00:23:23,168 --> 00:23:26,161
Um, I think I should
get it on my own, though.
500
00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:29,275
If I can't swing it,
I'll just have to wait.
501
00:23:30,309 --> 00:23:32,107
You're no dope, Mallory.
502
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,804
Runs in the family, Dad.
503
00:24:04,410 --> 00:24:06,106
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.
33931
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