Original subtitles

(♪ Peter Noone: I'm Into Something Good)

(birds chirping)

(radio plays I'm Into Something Good)

That sounds like one of those corny old songs your radio plays.

- Hey! Them's good tunes. - (laughing)

Just one more week and I'm out of here.

You mean we're out of here.

Just think, our graduation falling on the same day as our anniversary.

Right. It makes it all the more special. Doesn't it?

- What does? - You know, graduation. Our anniversary.

And that would be the anniversary...

- ...of what? - Hmm.

- Whoa! - (tyres screeching)

Just missed hitting that armadillo.

There aren't any armadillos in this state, Rob.

Lunch at the student union?

- Garbage burritos for two? - Mmm.

I just have to put the finishing touches on my thesis, and I'll see you there.

Maybe by then he'll remember what the anniversary is.

Maybe by then I'll remember what the anniversary is.

(song plays louder)

(birds chirping)

But wait. Clear a path. I'm trying to get a good look here.

I can't... Excuse me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Excuse me.

Hey. Whoops! Sorry, plant.

- Is it him? - Is it? Is it the master?

- It certainly sounds like his car. - Is it him?

- (horn honking) - Well, it does. It is!

Rattling red roadster making a beeline for master's dormitory!

(all cheering)

- Hadn't you better get a move on? - Right!

Antenna, please.

- Be careful. - I haven't dropped you yet, have I?

- No, but... - (cord snapping)

- (Radio) Whoops. - There's always a first time!

(panting)

(humming)

- Ahh! - (objects crashing)

(tyres screeching)

(Rob humming)

- (computer beeps) - A few more pages and it's a wrap.

- Master's home! - (all cheering)

What is the big deal? He's only been gone a day and a half!

Every weekend it's the same thing. "Is he back yet"?

"Has he abandoned us"?

All of yous have some deep-seated insecurities.

You've obviously never been abandoned.

What are you talking about? You guys don't know from abandoned.

If you want to stare abandonment in the face,

spend a little time in this hairy rat's shoes.

Abandonment is my middle name.

You enters a room, and nine times out of ten there are screams.

And people are throwing things and calling for the terminator.

Ex-terminator.

It's humiliating.

My life ain't easy like it is for these other softies in here.

Maisie, the oh-so-adorable furball.

A regular kitten factory.

Watch your mouth, Ratso. You know I don't like foul language.

Stay away.

I ain't gonna hurt you.

It's not myself that I'm worried about. It's my babies.

The sweet things haven't opened their eyes yet.

I don't want the first thing they see to be you.

Well, pardon my breathing, Little Miss Princess! Hey!

That is quite enough, Ratso. You are not, as they say, very respectful.

Little Alberto. Looks like a dog.

Sounds like a dog, only he's too small to be a dog.

(growling) You stop that! You... You dirty rat, you!

That rap's been foister unto us rats for years.

Rats are not dirty! Just like snakes are not wet and slimy.

Right, Murgetroid?

- Absolutely, positively correct, Ratso. - Ew!

- (hissing) - Yuck!

I'd recommend steering clear of words with too much s-s-sibilance, pal.

- (rattling) - (man yawning)

Now look what you've done. You woke Sebastian.

(Sebastian) What's all the ruckus?

- We're sorry to wake you, Sebastian. - That's OK.

(slurping)

Uh, thanks, Toaster.

- No problem. - Did you hear the news?

The master has returned!

"The master has returned"! "The master has returned"!

Oh, joy. (gagging)

You should be happy about it. After all, he is your vegetarian.

- That's veterinarian, Blanky. - Right!

(Sebastian) We are happy, Blanky.

Even Ratso, though he's too proud to admit it.

When he's gone, it's like someone turned the lights out.

Speaking of lights.

- (all gasp) - Oh, what a mess.

We were making rather merry last night.

We invited the Dobermans from security over for a party.

- You know those Dobermans. - They love to party!

Well, the master will be back here soon,

so we better mambo ourselves out of this mess.

(all cheering)

We owe it to him to keep a tidy clinic,

- after everything he's done for us. - (kittens meowing)

Maestro, some appropriate music, please.

(tuning)

I look back on some days...

...and I regret them.

And some days...

(clicking tongue) ...make you loco!

If you let them. You know they will.

Days so bad...

...that some days, I forget them.

(sobbing)

(growls)

♪ There are cars zipping by

♪ While I ay, ay, ay

♪ Say vámonos, vámonos to my feet Feet, vámonos!

♪ But the cars all miss me

♪ I'm free! Sí, sí, sí

♪ Thank goodness for the little boy that I chanced to meet

♪ Everybody!

(all) ♪ What What a day to remember

♪ I remember it just that way

♪ And I'll never forget to

♪ Remember that day

♪ What What a day to remember

♪ I remember it just that way

♪ And I'll never forget to remember that day

♪ I am lost I have lain

♪ In rain and I no complain

♪ Just shivering quivering in the storm

Meow.

♪ People pass where I lie Pass by, by, by, by

♪ But master comes

♪ Scooping me up and I'm safe and warm

♪ Everybody!

(all) ♪ What What a day to remember

♪ I remember it just that way

(Ratso) Watch the tail!

♪ Remember that day

♪ What What a day to remember

♪ We remember it just that way

♪ And we'll never forget to remember that day

♪ Remember, remember that day

♪ Remember, remember Remember that day

♪ Remember, remember that day

- ♪ Remember, remember - (screams)

♪ There's a beast in the yard

♪ Bites hard, hard, hard, hard

♪ I see nowhere Nowhere to slink away

♪ I take that, I take this

♪ I hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss

♪ Then master comes scooping me up and he saves my day

♪ I wish I could recall

♪ But someday, maybe

♪ I'll remember it all

♪ Everybody!

- ♪ What, what a day to remember - That's good!

♪ We remember it just that way

♪ And we'll never forget to remember that day

- Weee! - ♪ What

♪ What a day to remember

♪ We remember it just that way

(trilling) Arriba!

♪ And we'll never forget to remember that day

♪ Remember, remember that day

♪ Remember, remember Remember that day

♪ Remember, remember that day

♪ Remember, remember, remember

♪ What What a day to remember

♪ We remember it just that way

♪ And we'll never forget to remember that day

♪ What What a day to remember

Aah!

♪ And we'll never forget to remember

♪ That day ♪

- Where are you going, Ratso? - To make my rounds.

But the master will be here soon.

Trust me, woolly one, I won't be missed.

- The master would miss anybody. - Sí, even you.

How do you know he misses you?

- Because he does. - Your logic is fuzzy, "Fuzzy".

If he misses you so much, why did he dump you here

instead of keeping you with him in his dorm room?

(all) He has his reasons.

Reality check, gang.

Ever wonder why the lamp's the only one the master keeps near him?

Because at least Lampy can do something useful.

The rest of yous are so out of date, it's painful to watch.

Well, have a nice day. I'm out of here.

You don't really think the master is tired of us, do you?

Or ashamed of us?

It does seem sort of strange, him keeping us out here, out of sight.

No, it doesn't. This is where he does his best work, and he wanted us near him

because we're his oldest and dearest friends. Right?

- Uh... (nervous chuckle) - Right?

- (all) Right. - Your enthusiasm is overwhelming.

- (weeping) - Now there, there, Blanky.

What's the matter?

I want to be like Lampy, and be of some use.

(computer keys clacking)

(computer beeps)

- (beeping) - Hmm.

Almost done.

Almost done. Almost...

- (knocking on door) - (man) Knock, knock.

Rob, buddy! You need to sign these papers.

What... What are they?

It's just some tedious paperwork connected to clinic operations.

No need to read them, pal.

I never sign anything I don't read. Who's looking after the animals?

This is your thesis, huh? Impressive.

(man) Look at all these trophies.

Merit winner. What a little momma's boy.

Graduating a year early. Must be nice.

What's she doing with him?

(groans) She should be with me.

- (smooching) - (gasps)

Ooh!

Seems like only yesterday you were a freshman.

And when were you a freshman, Mack? Give me a hint.

- Was Carter president then? - Oh, I like a sassy lady.

(scoffs) I brought burritos.

Our lunch date! I forgot.

- We'll call it dinner. - I'll get some plates.

If we had a lunch date, I wouldn't forget.

I would.

- (electrical zapping) - Huh?

- (woman) Rob, your computer! - Oh, no!

What do you mean my file doesn't exist? You can't do this to me.

I was on the last page of my thesis!

What could've happened?

Looks to me like this cord is frayed. You should have kept a back-up.

You can sign these later. See you back at the clinic, buddy. OK. Bye-bye.

- Why don't we get Charlie? - Charlie! Right.

Charlie will know what to do. Let's go!

(door opening, closing)

- He should've kept a back-up. - That's what you're for, isn't it?

Only when commanded. You should know that as well as anybody.

Yep, takes about two nanoseconds to activate an automatic save program,

but do these hackers ever take the time to click and drag? Nope.

And then who do they blame when they crash? Themselves?

(both) Nope. Blame the machines.

Isn't there something we could do to help?

Can't you get his what-cha-call-it back?

It's not that easy.

Nope. There's protocol. You know, if you don't save...

- You gotta pay the price. - But it wasn't his fault.

We don't assign blame.

But you might want to have that frayed cord checked.

My cord is not frayed!

I don't know how you guys can live with yourselves!

Easy.

- We aren't programmed for guilt. - (chuckles)

I knew if anybody could retrieve my file it would be you, Charlie.

Charlie?

(beeping)

If it's any consolation, Rob, you aren't alone.

There's some computer virus affecting all the campus systems.

- (woman) What can we do? - Got me.

But you're a genius.

I may be a genius, but I'm not a miracle worker.

Why sweat it? You do have your thesis backed up, don't you?

- No. - Should've hit the save button, buddy.

- I know. I know. - (door closes)

(sighs) Now I won't graduate.

(sizzles)

(Sebastian) It was a very frightening place.

I was there when I was just a baby.

- The things I saw. - Were there people there?

That's how... I got like this.

Are there people like that?

Yeah, more than you know.

It was strange. They didn't look like they were mean.

- But they were. - Are you sure you're not exaggerating?

You don't know the half of it.

I just can't believe any person could ever be so cruel.

You had a roof over your head, didn't you?

- I think, maybe, you're just a whiner! - Do you want proof?

Hey, if you go around accusing people of all these bad things...

...then a little proof might be nice.

Well, here's your proof.

(gasps)

(moans) I'm very sorry, Sebastian.

- Did it hurt? - Uh-huh.

But the master has taken care of you.

He treats me like...

Like I'm not any different from him.

Where was this place where everybody was so mean?

I'll broadcast an all-points warning.

- (beeping) - Oh, it's a long way from here.

It's a place called Tartarus Laboratories.

- I'm scared. - Me too.

Don't worry. You'll never see the inside of that place.

Yeah. The master would never let anything bad happen to you.

You are more trusting than I, my reflective friend.

I wouldn't trust the master as far as I could throw him. And that ain't far.

Look. We know our master, and he's a highly reliable fella.

- Yeah. An upright kind of guy. - We'll see.

Time to get these tired bones in bed.

Grab hold, Sebastian.

- Comfy? - Very. How about you?

Oh, yes. Very comfy.

Pleasant dreams, Sebastian. (yawns)

(purring)

Mmm.

(sniffing)

And now, the gentle sounds of Spike Jones and His City Slickers

to send you off to snoozeland.

(♪ Spike Jones: Cocktails For Two)

- Whoopee! - Meow!

(horns blowing)

- (record scratching) - Just a little late-night humour.

(laughs)

Ow.

- Nighty-night. - Nighty-night.

I feel like that time that my beagle ate my algebra homework.

At least, then, I could tape it back together.

I read that nothing is ever really lost in a computer.

Look at it this way, your thesis is just... hiding.

And it's doing an A-rate job of not being found.

Where's that loser Mack? Shouldn't he be doing this?

I mean, he's your assistant.

He had a meeting with the student loan committee.

I'm not surprised.

He set a record for repeating his sophomore year.

(tearing)

Oh, great.

There must be an easier way to do this.

Of course!

Well, why is she looking at me?

I think it might have something to do with cleaning the cages.

But I don't do kitty litter.

(engine revving)

(gulping)

- Uh... - Ew. I can't look.

Chris! What are you doing?

Nothing.

I told you before! He doesn't do kitty litter.

(Chris) Don't yell.

(Rob) I just don't want you to ruin my vacuum.

(Chris) Oh, I see.

It's fine for me to clean up kitty litter, but not your stupid vacuum!

Come on, Chris. I've had this vacuum since I was a kid.

It means a lot to me.

I hope you and your vacuum have a great time celebrating tonight.

(coughs)

- Celebrating? Celebrating what? - Here's a clue...

Happy anniversary!

(Rob) Oh, no, how could I forget?

Chris! (sighs deeply) Oh, great.

I've lost my thesis and my girlfriend.

And my rat!

Where'd he go? As if you guys could tell me.

- (gagging) - Poor Kirby.

- He has upset tummy. - Eeh...

Now let's see.

Right, the kitchen. Left, the basement.

- Was that the other way around? - (squeaking)

Hey, I'm walking here!

(indistinct screaming)

Hmm.

(meowing)

Well, at least you guys are all on the mend.

What am I saying? At least?

You guys are what this is about. I'll write another thesis.

A better one! And I'll have...

- A whole day to write it. - (Mack) Knock-knock.

(crunching loudly)

I won't be around for the rest of the day, Mack.

You'll take care of everything?

Rob, do what you gotta do. You can count on me.

Yeah. I'll take care of everything.

Poor guy. Hey, you want a chip? Come on.

It's OK.

That's it.

Come on.

It's OK.

Stupid monkey!

You fall for that one every time.

- Don't get too comfortable. - (kittens meowing)

You won't be here long.

(dialling phone)

(line ringing)

- (man grunts indistinctly) - Slappy? Mack here.

Where's my money? I want my money!

Look, I'll have your money tonight. I swear.

- How about one last bet on credit? - What are you talking about?!

Slappy, what happened to your sense of humour?

The money's as good as in your hand, Slap.

- So how are the wife and...? - Do it!

(dial tone)

So long, animals.

(laughing)

I'm so bad.

(dogs barking)

(snoring)

Thesis...

(screeching)

(panting) Aah!

Left. Right. Cross.

(gasps)

- (man) About time they fix that light. - (woman) Tell me about it.

Can you believe how much chemistry homework we got today?

Hello. I'm so sure. I do have a social...

(rock clinking)

- (rock clinking) - (dog barking)

Somebody's outside.

- (pot breaking) - (Lampy) Ouch!

(Radio) Sorry.

Reel me in, fellas!

You should've seen the poor master.

- Did he cry? - No, but I did.

Maybe it's better for us if he doesn't graduate.

You want him to be happy, don't you?

Well, I suppose.

The master was in trouble before. Remember that junkyard incident?

Who could forget?

Heroic rescue effort by appliances lead to happy ending for all concerned.

Film at eleven.

Well, we can help him again. We'll get his what-cha-call-it.

- Thesis! - We'll get his thesis back.

(all) Right!

- Where do we look? - It's in one of... those things.

We don't know anything about how these contraptions work.

Nothing to it.

What can that old guy do?

Help me out of here, and I'll show you what I can do.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Great Ape has escaped.

He's making his way to the Empire State Building.

Watch the antenna, pal. He gonna go up!

- (groaning) - (Sebastian) Careful.

No, he's down! That's gotta hurt.

Careful, now.

(Radio) He's back up! And he's down! Crushing blow to the rat!

Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion.

Thanks, Ratso.

I just don't want to have to clean yous up, should yous fall on the floor.

Hit that switch to the right.

- (computer whirring) - Cool colour.

- How do you know how to do that? - Monkey see, monkey do. (chuckles)

I knew he was going to say that.

Lampy, how about a little more of your 40 watts?

Sixty. I've been upgraded.

New bulb. Soft white. No harsh shadows.

Hey, that ought to obscure Kirby's wrinkles.

What are you doing?

I'm tapping into the information superhighway.

- Is it far from here? - It's right at my fingertips.

It's a worldwide network of online computers with unlimited accessibility.

Hey, if we need to travel on the superhighway,

Kirby is a very handy conveyance.

It's not quite that kind of highway.

You travel through this.

Honey, don't take this personal,

but I think you could use some high-octane assistance.

(pounding on door)

Huh?

Huh?

♪ As your fingers tap, tap, tap into the superhighway

♪ Computers tap, tap, tap into each other

♪ Your fingers tap, tap, tap into the superhighway

♪ And, suddenly we're meeting one another

♪ We lead the way to the great unknown

♪ Never knowing what we'll find

♪ We're searching, expecting exploring, connecting

♪ So no one has to feel like they're left behind

♪ The keyboard is connected to the hardware

♪ The hardware is connected to the software

♪ And everyone's connected

♪ To the web

- ♪ And the modem to the mouse - ♪ To the lab to the house

- ♪ From the input to the output - ♪ Over land, over sea

♪ Go where you want to be

♪ And tap, tap, tap into the superhighway

♪ Tap, tap, tap into each other

♪ Your fingers tap, tap, tap into the superhighway

♪ And, suddenly we're meeting one another

♪ It'll make you a little smarter

♪ But here's a little reminder

♪ Smarter is only better

♪ When it is also kinder

♪ Yeah

♪ We lead the way

♪ Through the great unknown

♪ To a nation of our own

♪ Where you'll know what she knows

♪ And she'll know what he knows

♪ And no one ever has to feel alone

Ah-hah!

♪ As your fingers tap, tap, tap into the superhighway

♪ Computers tap, tap, tap into each other

♪ Your fingers go tap, tap, tap into the superhighway

♪ And, suddenly, you're meeting Suddenly, you're meeting one

(snap, pop, click)

♪ Another

♪ Tap, tap, tap into

♪ Tap, tap, tap into

♪ Come and tap my keys

(vocalising)

- ♪ Into the superhighway - ♪ Come and tap my keys ♪

Tap, tap, tap.

- (laughing) - (door slams)

(Ratso approaching)

- (circuits zapping) - (coughing)

Hmm?

(sneezing)

(distant groaning)

(groaning continues)

(heavy breathing)

- (coughing) - (circuits zapping)

Yikes!

(electrical zapping)

You don't have to hit my keys so hard.

- Sorry, I got carried away. - (electrical zapping)

That's OK.

It's just that nobody ever takes into account the abuse we computers take.

- Why... - (electrical zapping)

- (gasps) - (coughing)

- What's the matter? - (Toaster) What's happening?

(coughs) Trouble online!

Stand back. I'm going to crash. Big time!

- What's going on? - Overload... Meltdown.

- Virus. - (zapping)

- What's all this? - No! You can't look.

These are secret programs. Secret.

- Ow! - (grunts)

You aren't supposed to see these unless you have the entry code.

(coughing)

Pull the plug out!

Come on. Grab hold.

- (all straining) - (coughing, gasping)

It's... It's one of those three-prong jobs.

- You won't believe what I saw. - Pull, you mangy rodent!

- I beg your pardon? - (all) Pull!

(shrieks)

Whoa!

(sighs) Thank goodness that's over.

Sebastian, it's all right now. The computer's kaput.

- (whimpering) - Are you feeling all right, amigo?

He doesn't look so good.

Are you cold, Sebastian? You're shivering.

I... I saw something.

It was an order.

- A shipping order. - That's pretty common, isn't it?

They're always shipping things in and out of this school.

It's what they were shipping.

- (all) What? - All of us... animals.

But I like it here. I don't want to go anywhere.

Ah, pipe down! Any hole is like any other hole.

- No, it isn't. - Where are we being sent?

To... To Tartarus Laboratory.

- What are you doing? - Thinking about my thesis.

And wishing it would write itself.

- I've forgiven you, by the way. - Thanks.

Everything was going so well, too.

I had my career ahead of me, doing what I've always dreamed of...

...working with animals.

I had you. Everything was gonna come together on the anniversary.

The anniversary of our first meeting at the Yummy Freeze.

- Oh, Rob. You remembered. - I remembered.

Look. How many pages was your thesis?

Six hundred and twelve.

- How many are left to reconstruct? - Not counting the title page?

Six hundred and eleven.

Nothing could be worse than what I'm going through.

Nothing could possibly be worse than what we're going through.

There must be something we can do.

I don't care about myself. I'll go where I'm sent and deal with it.

But I don't want my babies threatened.

(purring)

We have to find some way to stop this.

Any ideas?

(electrical zapping)

There's something in the basement which might have some connection with this.

- What kind of something? - One of those things.

I hate those things. They want to take the animals away.

No, Blanky. It's not them. They're programmed by a person.

- But which person? - (door unlocking)

- (whimpering) - What are you doing out of your unit?

Mack, have you fed these guys?

Oh, yes. That's my job.

They look a little, I don't know, different.

- Down in the mouth. - Hey, come on, they're just animals.

I don't really think they have feelings. Do you?

As a matter of fact, I do.

It's not my job to question.

It is your job to see that these animals are taken care of.

Alberto was out of his unit when we came in.

(stammering) These cages. They're not very well made.

We don't call them cages, Mack. We call them units.

Units. Right.

Call me if there's a change in their conditions.

Of course.

Out of our cages?

Uh, units, were we?

I'll fix that.

(locking)

(thump)

Hope you got a good last look at that do-gooder friend of yours.

'Cause at midnight tonight, you are all history.

- (laughs) - (door slams)

I have a feeling he might be the bad person who wants to hurt the animals.

I think you're right, Blanky.

OK. OK.

Remember to do a back-up. Remember to do a back-up.

We know you guys can get to the bottom of this.

- What's the plan? - Ratso has a lead.

- It's in the basement. - (Radio tuning)

I hate being locked up. Let's get a move on.

Hey, Ratso. Good luck.

Lead the way, Ratso.

(groans)

- You ain't gonna fit, big guy. - You're gonna leave me?

It isn't that we're leaving you. It's...

Well, these guys need protecting.

Well, that they do.

Well, what are you waiting for, Toaster? Get a move on.

I'll make certain nothing happens to our friends.

(thumping)

♪ I love money da, da, da, da

♪ I love money di, do, di, da

Come on, fleabag, you're first.

- ♪ I love money - (meowing)

- Stop crying! - (gasps)

(cage door squeaks)

Hello.

- (roars) - Ow!

- (groans) Stupid cats. - (meowing)

Here, kitty.

(electrical zapping)

(zooming)

- (coughing) - (tyres screeching)

(crashing)

(coughing)

Everything's going nutsy-cuckoo around here.

I'll be glad when I get my money, and I could blow this dump.

(groaning)

(sneezing)

- It's down there, fellas. - How do we open this?

(straining)

- (squeaking) - Open sesame.

Hey, let's try this. Pull!

Hey, look!

Ta-da!

- (crashing) - Sorry.

- Why I oughta...! - Enough. Come on.

(sneezing, zapping)

(all panting)

He sure needs a blanket to keep him warm.

- (sneezing) - (clanging)

(zapping)

You should take something for that cold.

(groaning)

It's more than a cold. It's a... a...

A virus. (sneezes)

And when I get a virus, it spreads everywhere.

Run for the hills!

Not to you. It only happens if you're online.

- Am I online? - I don't think so.

None of you are sophisticated enough...

I mean, compatible enough to be plugged into me.

Oh, really? Well, Mr Hot Stuff, Mr Stuff That's Hot,

if you're so state-of-the-art, what are you doing in cold storage?

Nobody wants old Wittgenstein anymore.

I'm utterly useless, you see?

- Outmoded. - How long have you been down here?

Four trillion, nine hundred ninety-nine billion, four hundred fifty million,

eight hundred fifty-two thousand, three hundred twelve nanoseconds.

Ever since that awful day when... when...

...when transistors were invented.

I've seen it all.

(static)

♪ I glistened and gleamed for a while back, then it seemed.

♪ I would go on forever in my prime

♪ They said Wittgenstein's the greatest

♪ He's the smartest and the latest

♪ Yes, I once lit up the face of Time

♪ Chop and munch, chew and crush

♪ There's a lot here to destroy

♪ Inch by inch, it's a cinch

♪ Bringing down this big old boy

(zapping)

♪ My memory fades as my circuitry degrades

♪ It gets harder and harder to recall

♪ I was the hope on the horizon

♪ But now I'm realising

♪ I'm a giant who's about to fall

♪ Yet from somewhere deep in my banks

♪ My song of hope still clanks

(heart beating)

♪ I lead the way

♪ Through the great unknown

♪ Never knowing what I'll find

♪ I'm searching, expecting

♪ Exploring, connecting

♪ So no one has to feel

♪ They're left behind

(gulp)

♪ Chop and munch, chew and crunch

♪ There's a lot here to destroy

♪ Inch by inch, it's a cinch

- ♪ Bringing down this big old boy - (sneezes)

♪ Chop and munch, chew and crunch There's a lot here to destroy

♪ Inch by inch, it's a cinch bringing down this big old boy

- ♪ Chop and munch, chew and crunch - (zapping)

♪ Inch by inch, it's a cinch bringing down

♪ This big old boy ♪

(laughing)

(virus) Gesundheit.

This is all very fascinating.

But since you know so much,

why don't you tell me what's happening to the animals?

Oh, I know all about that.

That creature who goes by the name of Mack is shipping them out tonight.

If you knew, why didn't you try to do something?

Why do you think I keep blowing fuses?

I've been trying to alert the creature known as Rob.

That's our master.

Well, through my efforts to contact your master, his thesis got lost.

I'm not PC compatible, you see, and when I was trying to interface

with his hard drive unit... Well...

Disaster!

I don't know what you're talking about. Interfacing? Hard drive? Yikes!

Look, I'm just made out of tubes, you know?

That's the problem. So am I.

A big bruiser like you? A computer made out of tubes?

'Fraid so. One day, I'm conk of the walk.

The most sophisticated piece of machinery ever built.

And the next, I'm scrap metal.

That's why I've been banished to this place with nothing but an old TV

and a bunch of rats for company.

- Uh, no offence. - None taken.

I tried my best to help out, but, well...

Open me up and I'll show you the problem.

(all) Wow.

Tube city. Makes me all tingly inside.

So what's the matter? You look pretty good back there.

See the 15th tube from the right?

- Third level. - Oh, you mean the WFC-11-12-55.

That's the one. Take a good look.

Light, please.

Holy cow! The filament's almost burned out.

Much more internal activity, and it'll be gone. I'll be gone.

That little tube is the only thing standing between me and the junkyard.

You wouldn't like the junkyard.

We've been there and it's not a nice place.

(Wittgenstein) I'm useless without that tube.

And they don't even make them anymore.

Tell me about it. I got one of the last ones inside of me.

- You do? - Sure. That's what makes me tick.

How do you think I transmit? With a tin can and a piece of string?

Carrier pigeon? Come on. Take a look.

Yeah, that's the one.

It's a great honour to be in the presence

of another WFC-11-12-55.

(sneezes)

(electrical zapping)

I tell you, they got all sorts of things in supplies.

I bet I could track down one of those tubes and be back here in no time.

It's worth a try.

I'll tag along to make sure you find the right one.

- Hi-ho Silver, away! - (horse whinnies)

Hurry up, you guys. We don't have much time.

(Radio tuning)

This is the plan. We split up and search for the...

- What's it called? - The WFC-11-12-55.

That's the one.

WFC-11-12-55.

What luck!

(gasps)

(groans)

Nice... spider! You keep away from me, you hairy beast.

Aah! He's after me! Aah! Aah! Ah-ha-ha! Help!

Ha ha!

(panting)

Aah! Get back! En garde!

- (Ratso) Radio! - Don't make me get mean.

Come on. I found it!

Ahh! Ha! Ahh!

Is Wittgenstein going to be OK?

Oh, sure. He's gonna be fine.

Toaster, I know what you're trying to do.

I know there's no hope for me. My time has run out.

I won't have you give up, Wittgenstein.

I won't have it. There's still a chance, but you gotta hold on.

I just know that any second now,

Ratso and Radio are gonna come down that vent and...

(Radio) Ta-da!

(Toaster) You found it!

- Thanks to yours truly. - (Radio) Wait a second, you pushy rat.

I'm the one who told you what to look for in the first place. Give it here.

Radio! Stop!

Let go, cheddar breath!

I'm the one who's going to put the tube in Wittgenstein.

No, you aren't. I am!

No. No. I am!

No. No.

(both) Whoops.

(heart beating)

Now look what you've done, you moron! You've ruined everything!

- But I... I... I didn't mean... I... - Thanks a lot.

Without that tube, Wittgenstein can't help the animals!

That was a very bad thing to do, Radio.

But Blanky, I... I didn't...

Something... (beeping) Something's happening.

(beeping)

(whimpers)

(beeping)

Next stop, Tartarus Laboratory.

The shipping order has just been printed.

- They're about to be shipped out! - Do something!

I'll give it my best shot.

(electrical zapping)

(sneezes)

Run for cover!

(Wittgenstein sneezing)

I'm afraid he's a goner.

And if he's a goner, then our friends are goners too.

And it's all your fault!

- That's it. The animals are doomed. - There's no way to warn the master.

So Radio, any bright ideas?

Is Radio...?

Is he gone?

I'm...

...afraid so, Blanky.

(groans) Phew!

That's it?

Uh, that's it. Load 'em up and ship 'em out.

But first, there's a matter of a little cash.

(kittens meowing)

Cross your fingers.

I don't have any fingers.

Just one more turn, and then...

(electricity charging)

(electric zapping)

(zap)

(zapping)

(zap)

(charging)

Who says there's no cure for the common cold?

I feel great! I feel 10 feet tall.

But he is 10 feet tall.

Give me room. I know precisely what to do.

(charging up)

(all) Wow!

Wittgenstein is cooking with gas.

Thanks to your radio friend. Oh.

Aww, poor guy.

I was just starting to get to know him.

He did it for you.

He did it for the animals.

He did it for all of us.

So do your best. 'Cause now, you've got Radio's best inside of you.

OK. I'm ready. I'm motivated.

(printing)

- What's that? - Our plan.

I've taken everything into consideration. Analysed all the options.

It's flawless.

- Boo-boo proof? - "Boo-boo proof".

Read it, and do exactly what it says. Get a move on!

(meowing)

Well, I'm out of here.

Mind if I bum a lift?

- Where to? - Anywhere over the state line will do.

Climb aboard.

Umph!

They're gone.

Kirby's in here!

(rattling)

We gotta stop them!

(tyres screeching)

(straining) A computer's gotta do

what a computer's gotta do!

(electrical zapping)

(beeping)

- (computer beeps) - What? What's going on?

My thesis! It's back!

It's gone.

What's this? A shipping order?

For Tartarus Laboratory?

(zapping)

A shipping order for some animals?

Animals?

Tartarus Labs?!

Step on it!

Stop!

Power supply.

Check.

I have orders to come with you guys.

What exactly are you?

I'm a modem. Can't travel anywhere on the superhighway without me.

(zapping)

Will we have enough power?

I'll check with control.

We need some power here, and don't be stingy.

(zapping)

(revving)

- (tyres screeching) - (all cheering)

- (yelping) - Get a move on. West Gate 2.

Animals in danger.

(zapping)

(dogs barking)

- Chris! Chris! - (Blanky) Hi, Master!

Oops.

- Rob, what are you doing? - I need your help.

(modem transmitting)

In the words of Ricky Ricardo, "you have some splaining to do".

I'll spend my life "splaining" if you'll just move it.

(meowing)

(sighs) We are home free.

(zapping)

Huh?

(zapping)

- (both) Aah! - Go for it!

(tyres screeching)

You OK?

I'm OK. I just don't like having my cage rattled.

Why don't you do something about it?

I might just do that.

(tyres screeching)

All heck's breaking loose around here!

You're gaining on them.

You're passing them!

What was that?

- Aah! - (sirens blaring)

Do something!

I'll alert control to this development.

Request a 180, pronto!

We need a 180 here, pronto! What's a...?

- (tyres screeching) - (all screaming)

Wow! What was that?

Whatever is was, follow it!

Whatever it was, it's gone.

I say we oughta put some distance between us and whatever that was.

(tyres screeching)

All clear!

Nothing whatsoever to worry about now.

- I know. Another 180. - (beeping)

Yep, smooth sailing.

(zapping)

There it is!

- (chuckles) - (tyres skidding)

What's the matter?

There's something crawling on my leg. My hip. My stomach! My...

Aaah!

(sirens blaring)

We're gonna crash!

(tyres screeching)

Ecch! I got snakes on me! I can't stand snakes! I'm going nuts!

- Hold it! - Freeze.

I can't!

(dogs barking)

(growling)

Mack! I want a word with you, pal.

So you're behind this!

I can't believe that a big loser like you could stoop to something like this.

(rattling)

Everybody OK?

- Alberto? - Muy bien, gracias.

Sebastian!

Luck and a blanket was with me this time.

- (kittens meowing) - Maisie?

Oh, no.

Toaster, help!

Maisie!

- (cracking) - (straining)

Come on. I got you. Come on, Maisie. (straining)

Come on.

(panting) Hang on, Maisie.

Maisie.

(meowing)

(Maisie) Ratso.

A hero.

Who'd have thunk it?

Hey! Not only were those jerks stealing the animals,

they were stealing your things, too.

Yeah.

But where's the radio?

(whimpering)

(kittens meowing)

Reports from security indicate

that the source of disturbance came from here.

If it weren't for that, we would've never gotten the animals back.

Look at this thing. Its a TLW-728.

Right. If I'm not mistaken, he's the prototype.

They only made one. They were great, but impractical.

Operated on tubes.

Wouldn't take much to convert them to solid-state circuitry.

Hey! He'd make a great exhibit for the new science museum.

Yeah, boy!

(Rob) Oh, no.

It's my radio.

He's missing a tube.

Oh, no. It's a cathode tube.

The WFC-11-12-55. They're impossible to find.

(groans)

- (zapping) - Aah!

For cord's sake!

Hasn't anybody in this dorm heard of a surge protector?

Wow!

What's happening?

Wittgenstein is searching through all my files.

Searching through regions heretofore only dreamed of by man!

Whoo! That feels sort of good.

- What does? - My memory banks are being stroked.

And by an expert. I feel something...

Something happening inside of me, and I can't keep it to myself any longer.

(beeping)

Oh, the master will be so happy!

It's quite good, you know? I've read it.

(beeping continues)

Yay!

(snoring)

(Maisie whispering) Ratso! Psst! Ratso! Ratso.

Come here.

You know what time it is? I had a very exciting night.

- I need my... - Shh! Stand there.

Why?

My kittens are just starting to open their eyes.

And I want you to be the very first thing that they see.

Really?

(meows)

(meows)

(meows)

Hey! (laughing) Hey. That tickles.

But it's sort of swell.

(laughing)

Sebastian's looking great. The vitamins you prescribed worked wonders.

Yeah. He's looking good. I'm gonna miss these guys.

Well, they'll all have good homes.

Since all the news reports, they're in great demand.

Yep. Good homes for everybody.

Maisie and family are going to be Sigma Chi mascots.

Murgetroid will take up residence in the reptile house at the zoo.

- Alberto is being adopted by the dean. - Hey, little guy.

Sebastian's going to a primate house in Texas.

Yep. Everybody has a new home.

Except for poor Ratso.

(Chris) What do you mean? He's coming with us.

I think he's sort of cute.

Bye, guys!

Yeah.

Take care.

Well, my new veterinarian, time to get you to your first country practice.

Chris, wait. One second.

What is it?

I... Well, um...

(stammering) I've been thinking and, um...

Oh, Rob. It's beautiful.

Does this mean...?

I'd love to marry you. It'll be so...

So domestic.

We're really quite prepared to start our life together.

We have a vacuum, a lamp, an electric blanket for cold winter nights,

a toaster and a...

(gasps) I almost forgot...

I have something for you, too.

I don't know, Chris. I don't think I'm the ring type.

It's not a ring, silly. Open it.

Chris! How did you ever find...?

I put the word out on the net.

I've had everybody looking for one of these.

Found it in Nome, Alaska.

The WFC-11-12-55.

- (Radio tuning) - (♪ I'm Into Something Good)

Hopefully that station will be out of range where we're going.

Ready to start our life together?

(all whispering) Ready.

So Radio, how do you feel?

Well, I... I had me

a genuine out-of-body experience back there.

The tunnel. The bright light. The whole ten yards.

But I'm back from the other side. Back and better than ever!

I'm picking up radio waves I only ever dreamed about before.

But for some reason, I can't seem to get warmed up.

That's 'cause your tube came from Alaska.

Well, it did, didn't it?

Well, we're off.

Yep. And who knows,

there might be other adventures over that next horizon.

Anything's possible.

I'm living proof!

First time in my life, I got me a home.

We all do.

And I think that sentiment calls for a special tune.

(Radio tuning)

(piano music playing)

♪ When you're in the deepest holes

♪ When you're in the darkest pits

♪ And you're on the verge of the urge to call it quits

♪ Remember there might be some fun for you

♪ A home for you, someone for you

♪ And it's just about to begin

(all) ♪ So hang in there kid, hang in

(horn honks)

♪ When you're feeling left behind

♪ When you're feeling not so hot

♪ And you're insecure, 'cause you're sure you've been forgot

♪ There could be a big change today for you

♪ A big hip-hip hooray for you

♪ And a hey, my friend, how you been?

(all) ♪ So hang in there kid, hang in

- (vocalising) - ♪ I thought I was a goner

- ♪ Out like an empty shell - (quacking)

♪ Rigor mortis had set in

♪ Well, on my word of honour

♪ You never sounded so well

♪ When you're in the grip of fear

- ♪ When you're in the hands of faith - (slurp)

♪ You may feel inclined to resign but just you wait

(Radio) ♪ There's someone who will spin your dials for you

- (Kirby) ♪ Who flips your switch - (Lampy) ♪ And smiles for you

(all) ♪ Who will cheer you on 'till you win

♪ So hang in there, kid

♪ Hang in there, kid

♪ Hang in there, kid

- ♪ Hang in ♪ - (horn honks)