All language subtitles for 1991.2018.FRENCH.720p.BluRay.DTS.x264-NEO-English

I don't know exactly what year it was
when that happened,

but my cousin says that
it was probably around 1916.

My grandfather, Luigi Trogi,
had fallen in love with Filomena Zanotti.

Although, like me,
my grandfather wasn't a wordy man,

not in his love life anyway.

He wasn't able to tell a girl
that he loved her, as stupid as this.

So, on that day, he tried it
in a way that I would qualify as the safest.

This is for you.

Thank you.

Have a good day.

Except that it didn't really impress
my grandmother.

You see, she was the one
growing the flowers...

The following week, Luigi Trogi came back
with a more astute plan.

Yes?

This is for you.

He's cute.

What's his name?

Good day.

But that didn't work either.

Apparently, Luigi had found
the cat in a stable

and my grandmother got fleas...

Two years later,
back from the war

where he served as cook,
a more confident Luigi

gave it his best shot...

with a mushroom risotto.

What's the surprise this time?

I did it for you.

Thanks.

Good day.

This time, after only a mouthful...

Wait!

Bang! My cousin believes
that it was the mushrooms,

others say that it was because
there wasn't a single man left in the village.

In any case, this is how
my Trogi grandparents' love story began...

With a mushroom risotto!

Seventy-five years later,
at almost 6500 km from there,

another love story has just begun:

the love story of Ricardo Trogi
and Marie-Ève Bernard.

Marie-Ève Bernard, the dream-girl I had met
in Maine the preceding summer.

I had been there with some friends
as she had been.

We had gone to all the usual places
visited by everyone in Old Orchard:

beach, rides, pizza stand, cheap motel,

but, above all, the mini-putt.

I don't know why, but in my mind,
this is where I fell in love.

Somewhere between the pirate's hole
and the one shaped as a toilet bowl,

Marie-Ève Bernard had effed up my life.

That's why, even if she was 45 minutes late,
I didn't complain...

Marie-Ève Bernard, communication student,
was the woman of my life.

Happy birthday!
- Thanks.

I'm sorry. I know I'm late.
But while I was shopping for your gift,

I stopped in a super nice shop

and I bought myself this!

Check it out!

What?
- You don't recognise who this is?

No! No! Who is it?

This is Cindy Crawford's lipstick!

Cool!
- Here!

Wow!
- Isn't it great?

Yeah, really!
- Look! I have the same!

Ok, now give me your hand...
You and I won't ever take it off.

Like never, never?

Never!

Oh shit! This is my song!

Well, I have to admit...
that she wasn't peefect.

Her damn habit of lip-synching
all the time was really annoying.

On the other hand,
she was always in a good mood.

A mix of Cinderella
and a weekend FM radio hostess.

You would have surely liked her too.

Anyway, she was perfect for me.

BEST STUDENT
ITALIAN 101

BEST STUDENT
MEDIA HISTORY

WORST STUDENT
SCRIPTING ANALYSIS

RUNS 5K IN 24:12

NO TOOTH DECAY SINCE 1983

CAN READ A BOOK UNTIL THE END

AMATEUR MODEL

MASTERS THE PARALLEL PARKING

AND HAS A PERFECT ASS

Hello!

Hey, got any cigarettes?

Even though she wasn't really smoking,
whenever she did, it had to be Americans!

She was the girl I've been expecting for so long.

I'm not afraid of saying it:
even if I still had all my life in front of me,

I knew that she was the woman of my life.

I knew that she would be
my children's mother.

Ok! To set the context, in 1991,

I was studying at UQAM
in screenwriting.

A strange place, I would say.

First of all, because half of the students
were disguised as "director",

which means that they all had the outfit,
but not the actual job,

while I was still wearing
my Levi's shirt from Sears...

But mainly, because the teachers
were kind of scary, I'd say...

Learn to know yourself.

You are all unique...

You each have a unique perspective of the world
because you are unique.

Start by writing on what you know
before writing on anything else.

And what you know best
is not the neighbour,

it's not the Joker in Batman,
it's not Juliette Binoche, it's you!

In order to get the people
to identify with your characters,

these characters need to be credible.

Well, this credibility doesn't come
from outer space,

it is right there...

And the meaning of all this is:
don't be afraid to say what you think.

Don't be afraid to take risks.

Express yourself with no restraint.

Show us your most ugly side,

the less flattering parts of yourself.

We want to see them.
This is what makes you human.

Do you understand?

Good! Let's do a small exercise.

You, what's your biggest shortcoming?

Reveal the darkest part
of your soul to us.

Eeeh...

I would say that I'm not really punctual...

You're not punctual?

Hm no...

And that's your biggest flaw?

How many movies
will you make on this?

Three? Four?

Hey, people will go crazy, no?

The tetralogy of the guy not on-time!

Watch out for the overwhelming emotions!

Not punctual! What a darn stupid answer...

The truth is that I knew exactly
what my biggest flaw was.

The one that was rooted
deep inside of me, but WTF,

I wasn't going to unveil that
casually in the middle of a classroom...

Ricardo?
- What was he thinking?

Ricardo?

I think I did something stupid!

What?

Oh my God!
- What?

I have to ask you something,
but I'm afraid that you'll say no.

What's going on? What is it?

Remember, last week in the Italian class,

the teacher talked about
a summer course in Italy...

Yes...

I enrolled in it!

It's a done thing. I'm in.
I'm going. I have no other choice.

My parents sent the cheque!

Oh yeah?
- Yeah!

For real!
- Ok!

So now... you're leaving for Italy?

Wouldn't you like to come with me?

We could live together.
Come on, it's gonna be crazy!

The place is full of students
from every part of the world

going there to study,
but partying all the time.

My cousin went last year,
haven't I told you?

Oh yes, yes... I didn't think that...

Say yes...

You'll miss me if you don't come... so?

Is it yes?

Or no?

You got enough money
to go study in Italy?

Yes!
- How come?

You're in school, you don't work.
- I got loans and bursaries.

We hear that you never get enough of those,
I'd like to get the real picture?

Look, I'll explain everything.
I spent the whole year studying.

I don't go out much.
I have enough, ok?

My rent is only 200$ a month,
what do you want me to say?

So we won't have a dime to pay?
- No!

Where will you go?
- To Perugia.

Perugia... Is this in Tuscany?

No, it's in... Umbria, right below.

It's very expensive in Italy. Where will you stay?
- Yeah?

Well, I don't know yet.

The university where we take our course
finds us an apartment.

And you believe that you will be able
to learn Italian in a month?

No! Of course not!
Hey, I already know the basics.

Your father arrived here 35 years ago
and still struggles to speak French.

No but...

Well, bon voyage my son.

And you, when are you going on a trip?
- I don't have money.

You just have to quit your job
and go back to school!

It seems that nowadays
you don't need to work in order to travel.

Ah! That's what your father
used to cook when we met!

A man that knows how to cook well
is priceless.

Don't talk to me about a half-wit
who only serves baloney.

Hey, go easy on this!
- What?!

What what?
The doctor didn't insist enough on this?

What? What about the doctor?

Your father has been told
no more than a glass a day.

Ah the doctor! Make me laugh...
- He told you! You're an alcoholic!

Alcoholic! What does he really know?!

Well, he's a doctor! He should know
what he's talking about more than you, no?

He said a form of alcoholism. Not alcoholic.

What's the difference?!
Alcoholism makes alcoholic. Don't be silly!

Wai-wai-wait a minute... You're an alcoholic?

Of course not!
- Sure, he's an alcoholic!

Do you know a lot of people
that keep four hundred bottles of wine

in their basement
who are not alcoholics?

I am not an alcoholic, I am Italian,

it's in my culture to drink wine!

Every day?
- He doesn't drink every day.

Oh yes, he drinks every single day!
Have you ever seen your father drink a Pepsi-Cola?

Dad, daddy, cut that out now.

No. One glass a day except today, ok?

And I don't want to talk about it anymore. Basta!
- There, you see how stubborn he is?

E dai!
- Damn!

I'm sorry.

So what, you don't eat your risotto?
- No I can't. I'm going to be late.

Hey, brother?
You're beginning to lose your hair.

C'mon, what are you talking about?
- Where?

At the exact same spot as dad.
- What are you doing?

It's true!
- No! Let it go! Don't touch it! Let me go!

C'mon, damn it!

Why?

Why me?

Are you ok?

No. I think I'll head back to Montreal.

Want some?
- No.

Well! Let me have a look!

Oh! Dad!

Don't worry about it!

Yeah sure!

Everybody loses some hair
one day or another.

Yeah, but not at 21, shit!

What am I going to look like
with that baldness in front of the girls?

There's a way to avoid this.

There's a way to avoid this?

A trick that my father told me about
when I also started to lose my hair.

But in your case, it shows that you're losing
your hair. What a trick, it doesn't work at all.

I'm fifty-four.
I don't care about my hair.

I'm talking about a trick for you,
not for me!

So, you want to know it or not?

No, this trick is no good, no!

Please, leave.

Wai-wai-wai-wait...

What is your trick?

Good!

You want to know?
- Yeah. I want to know the trick.

Well! Then listen.

I love you!

I love you too, my love!

And that's your whole trick? A hat?

Why not? It works! You put on your hat
and nobody sees anything!

Ah c'mon, for Christ's sake!

Ok! You got a better idea?

One month later,
Friday the third of May 1991,

I did a last check-up
of everything I needed for the trip.

All my clothes are in my backpack,

and all the most important things
in the fanny pack my mother gave me,

which included: train pass,
plane tickets, traveler's cheques,

100 U.S. dollars,
my wallet, my passport,

a Canada Direct calling card
and some chewing gum.

Well, thanks for coming!

Don't forget to go see my brother.
- Yeah, yeah.

They are waiting for you and they will give you
some mushrooms as I requested.

Some mushroo... no, no, no!
I don't want to bring back any mushrooms here.

For the risotto.
We never ask you anything!

Where did you put
uncle Lino's phone number?

Inside my bag.
- You'll put it in your fanny pack on arrival.

No, my fanny pack
is getting overpacked.

You call us when you get there,
we want to know you're safe and sound.

Yes, yes. Ok, fine.
- And I want some postcards.

Yes, yes, yes.
- Here! A gift.

What is that?
How much is it worth?

When I left, it was worth a fortune.

Ah! Well, thanks!
- No! No, no! Put it in your fanny pack!

Yes, yes, yes...
- You know better...

Ok, now I really have to go.

I'll miss you.

When I finally got seated into the plane
all by myself, I found myself very lucky.

I thought of my friends
who were going to spend their summer

setting up tables
in some old Quebec restaurant,

painting their parents' chalet

or shopping some damn jeans
with their girlfriends...

This time, I was skipping my turn!

I was really casting off for adventure!
For Italy, my dear friends!

A real country with real things to visit,

not just the damn Château Frontenac
and the French crêperie on St-Jean street!

No-no-no, not only Americans
that want to see the Montmorency falls!

No my dear friends!
I was flying for the country de l'amore!

Ricardo?

Maria-Eva?

You finally came?

Indeed.

You're so elegant.

American?

Of course.

Maria-Eva?

I have to tell you something.

Tell me?

I didn't come here to learn Italian...

Why then?

To find the woman of my life...

But there are so many women in this world...

Yes, but not in my world...

Oh! Hmm! Thank you!

Miss, can we have another one?

I decided to land in Paris
because it was cheaper than Rome.

I was travelling on a tight budget,
with only 30 dollars a day.

Therefore, I had to complete
the trip to Perugia by train.

By the way, I probably drank
a dozen of bloody Caesars,

not because I liked that,
but because they were free.

First step, take the commuter train
to the Gare du Nord.

Then, take the subway
to the Gare de Lyon,

since this was the station
where the trains heading for Italy were leaving.

It's weird but while looking
at the names of these cities

I've heard so much about all my life,

I had the feeling that everything
was possible in life.

That one could get anywhere he wanted to.

That I could do all I wish at twenty-one!

I could have gone anywhere!

But I was too hungry so I went there.

Coffee, sir?

Eeh... yes! Please.

Sorry, can...
Can I take some?

That's what they are there for, sir.

"Tonsure toned. Find back your dignity.
The ladies will thank you!"

For Christ's sake!

Do you want some?

Yes, thanks, that's kind of you.

Yes.

Here.

Thanks. Take it.

You are Canadian?

Eeh, yes! Yes, yes I am.

I have a cousin
who just came back from Canada.

Oh yeah?
- Yes!

Her name is Murielle Deschamps.

She's a small brunette like me.
Maybe, you've met her?

Eeh, no.

Here it is...

Are you gonna take this one also?
- Yes, yes.

Well, you are really starved!

So, 1 -2-3-5 croissants, with a latte,

that's a total of ninety-five please.

No-no-no, I thought the croissants
were free, I didn't order them...

They're at the clients' disposition,
but still not free!

Oh no?

Fuck!

Hey, talk about a jolly bunch of crooks here.

According to my shitty budget,
I had only 12 bucks left

for a hotel in Paris, and this was counting
on the fact that the croissants would last

because my food budget was already busted...

It took me almost 27 km of walking to realize

that a 12$-a-night room in Paris...

just doesn't exist.

You could think that I came back
with a long face.

But no! Primo: because I had found
some spray-on hair.

"Tonsure toned! Find back your dignity,
the ladies will thank you."

And secondo: because by taking the night train,

I would at last be able to sleep and,
above all, I could save the hotel night!

I'm a genius!

Damn it!

Now! If I exclude my trip
to Old Orchard the year before,

this was really my first trip
without my parents

and to say the less
I was a bit on my guards.

At the first sight of his face,
I knew that he was in deep shit.

WTF? Does he speak all languages?

A bit of French...

French? Fantastic!

Here it is! Just like this. Hop!

My name's Arturo, and you?

Ricardo.
- Ricardo... no shit!

You speak Italian!

Eeh... more French...

Then where do you come from?

Canada.
- Canada! Great!

Canadians are good people!
- I'm more of a Quebecer...

Listen Canada, I have to ask you
a very important favour.

Sorry, but I don't have any money.

You think that I'm here to ask you for money?

No! No-no-no...!
- Listen buddy, money is not important.

I never got any and I manage just fine.

Have you seen Krizik fountain in Prague?

Eeh... no.

Well, it is the most beautiful
thing I've seen in my life...

And it's free, you see?

Shit, it's hot in here, it's like a sauna...

Can I have a sip?

Of this?
- Of course!

Thanks, buddy.

It's... I'm sorry but...
what do you want exactly?

Well, it's pretty simple.

Since I don't have any money,
I don't have any ticket,

and since I don't have any ticket,
I would need to hide in your cabin. It's easy...

What's the long face for, Canada?

No. It's my first day of travelling,
and I don't want any trouble.

No, no, you won't get any trouble,
I came all the way from Brussels like this.

It's very easy. Look:
we just have to lay down the seats like this,

and I hide under them.
As simple as that!

Can I get it back?

Ah yeah, yeah...

Here, thank you!

We'll save the world, Canada.

Sorry?

We...

The young people,

we'll save the world...

Holy Christ! That guy was a bit weird.

You don't want to save the world?
- I don't know...

Of course Canada, you want to save the world!

Otherwise, what is our purpose here?

Fine, you need to get out a second
so I can set the place up.

It's done Canada, come back in!

Jump over.
Oh... I'll keep my bag.

You take care of my guitar.
She's called Sofia.

Be nice Canada, help me with this bench.

Here, let me hold your beer to help you.

Oh... there...

Oh yes, wait. One last thing Canada,

could you make sure
that the cabin's door is never completely closed.

Leave it ajar, by at least a few centimeters,

otherwise, I can't breathe under here. OK?

But you know that
it takes 8 hours to get to Milano?

Yeah. Don't worry. I told you
I've done this since Brussels, no sweat!

I don't know what
you would have done in my position,

but me...
I didn't dare to say no.

I don't know, I'm not that kind of guy,
I just say "yes" all the time.

You would bump into me on the street
with a bloody knife in your hand

and ask me to hold it for a minute,
and I would surely say yes.

I'm as stupid as this.

French! I speak a bit of French.

You also have... a very nice accent.

I live in Hamburg, in Germany.

You know what is Hamburg?

No.

It's, it's a city beautiful.

You have to come one day.

Sure! I'd love that!

Wait...

It's very hot in here.

Hee, holy macaroni!

Hey, we have to honestly agree that

we all dreamt of the day where two beautiful
German girls would get undressed in front of you.

I only needed to find a way
to start the big party...

But the only thing that came up to my mind
was Jean-Pierre D'Astous' face.

Four in the morning.

We were coming back from the Belmont.
THREESOME PARTICIPANT

And we just wanted to fuck.
So, we go to her best friend's place.

She had the key and the other
wasn't supposed to be there.

We get in and settle ourselves in
the living room, but a couple of minutes later,

her friend walks in the living room!

Christ, I already had my pants down!

And?

Well, and... I just banged both of them,
what do you think? Bang-bang!

Holy shit!

When D'Astous told me about his threesome-

which he told everyone-

I never thought of asking what he exactly did,

I mean what do you have to say
to get the two girls to say yes?

How precisely do we start
a business like this?

Are you a musician?

No, why?

This!

Ah... this... well this... Christ!

This eeh...
Did you close the door?

Thanks!

Who spoke?
- No one.

So, this is how my threesome became

a foursome singing Bob Dylan's
Like a Rolling Stone...

Come on Canada! How are you feeling?
Feeling good?

Oh Canada, don't be shy!

Here you go, Canada!

Much better!

And you girls?

Bye!

Canada? We will save the world.

Yes! Yeah-yeah.

I don't know for how many hours
I've been travelling,

but it was a hell of a long time for sure.

I thought that it was really generous of me
to do all this for Marie-Ève.

Not that I didn't want to do it, but still.

I was beginning to question
if she would have done the same for me.

It's silly, but I was thinking about
this particular Friday evening

where she was supposed to call me
so I could meet her somewhere on St-Laurent street

or something similar... I spent
the whole evening waiting for her phone call.

But she never called.

I felt like a jackass because I had even bought
red Gazelle shoes for the occasion.

I remember that I felt good
when I got to Perugia.

Italy is so beautiful, the people,
the ambiance, the temperatu...

We'll talk about this later.
Now, I have to rejoin Marie-Ève at eleven.

Time to grab something to eat and go!

This time, I figured that
I would only eat one of those.

Travelling makes you smarter!

Good morning.

Is everything fine?

Yes, yes.

What are you eating?

How do you call this in Italian?

It's a croissant.

Yes, a croissant!

And it's MY croissant.

If you want a croissant,
go buy your own one at the bar.

I'm sorry...

The other one is also yours?

Yes, they're both mine.

I'm so sorry...

I forgot which bus I was supposed to take.

I only remember that I was getting more
and more nervous about the hour of the meeting.

I just jumped on the first bus I saw
hoping that he was passing by the university.

Not that I went crazy
but I was finding intolerable

the fact of travelling 30 hours
to finally get there half an hour late.

Except that 6 km further,
by the time the bus driver made me understand

that the bus wasn't going near
the university at all, I ended up on that spot!

I thought: the hell with it,
I'll get there on foot, that's all.

In the worst case, I'll arrive a few minutes late
but Marie-Ève will understand.

So I wanted to take the city map out
of my gray bag, but...

no more gray bag!

No more passport, traveler's cheques,
wallet, train pass,

discman, university documents,
and, above all, no more damn spray-on hair can!

This can't be true. Shit!

Why?

Why me?

My thoughts were wildly
spinning inside my head.

Where did I leave it?
Or worse, who fuckin' stole it to me?

The gypsies?

The two little brats?

The policeman?
It's Italy, after all!

It's crazy but in all that mess, the loss of my
spray-on hair can was what pissed me the most.

Fuck! Fuck!

Oh! Fuck!

Fuck!

Damn!

Fuck! Shit...

Damn fuckin' shit!

Shit!

Fuck!

Damn!

When I finally got down there,
I was fuckin' drenched...

Shit!

Where were you, Ricardo?

I lost everything!

I'm right here, you don't need anything else.

Really? Look!

What... happened to your hair?

I lost everything!

The spray can too!

The spray can?

Yes! The spray can!

...The spray can...

Hello?

Hello, do you accept the charge
of mister Ricardo Trogi's phone call?

What?
- Mom, just answer si!

Ricardo?

Madam?

Ricardo, are you back there?

Mom! Tell her a damn si!

Si! Si! Si! Si!

Thank you, I'm transferring the call.

Ricardo?

Yeah mom, I lost the bag
with all my documents.

How did you lose your documents?
Where are you now? Are you in Italy?

Yeah! I've arrived
but I lost everything. Christ!

How come? What happened?

Nothing, but I've lost the bag.

But how?
Do you at least have your passport?

Mom! I told you that I lost
all my damn documents!

Passport, wallet, traveler's cheques,
train pass. All of them!

Dammit! I told you to put them all
in the fanny pack I gave you, you twit!

Well! The fanny pack was so full
that I couldn't breathe anymore, shit!

And now, you see the consequences?
- Hey, what's going on?

All I have left is the money dad gave me.

Go see the police now
and ask them what to do!

The police? No-no-no.
It hadn't been stolen, I just lost it.

How can you be sure? You're in Italy
and Italians are all thieves.

Really, they're all thieves!
That's why I gave you that damn little fanny pack!

What are you talking about?
What's going on?

It's your son... He lost all his things.

Ok, is it dad? Let me talk to him.

Your son wants to talk to you!

Yes?
- Dad, I'm in Perugia.

I lost all my documents.
What should I do?

Which documents?

Everything! He lost his passport, his traveler's
cheques and his wallet. All of them!

I told him to keep them all
in his fanny pack...

Stop!

Yes? Where are you now?

In Italy!
- Quiet!

I'm in Perugia without papers,
what should I do?

Call my brother.

I just told you that I'm in Perugia.

It's more than 12 hours of train
to uncle Lino's place.

I've also lost my address book,
I don't have his phone number.

I'll get his phone number,
wait on the line.

You stop messing around
and you call the police now

so they can catch these thieves
before it is too late.

Then, you call us back because
these long distance calls are expensive.

Mom? Ah shit!

Name?

Trogi. Perfect.

Nationality?

Canadian.

Cana-

You're a Canadian?

My cousin lives in Toronto.

His name is Nicola Leone.
Do you know him?

No Toronto.

I'm from Montreal.

Ah, from Montreal!

And Lorena Fava, do you know her?

Lorena Fava... She lives in Montreal?

No, not in Montreal. She lives in Toronto.

She's the wife of my cousin Nicola.
Don't you know her?

No, no, Montreal.

Not Toronto.

I don't know anyone in Montreal.

Address?

In Montreal?

No, not in Montreal, here in Italy.

In Italy... I don't know yet...

You don't know yet...

Wait here.

Sorry to interrupt.

He says he doesn't have an address
here in Italy, what do I do?

Hold on, I'm coming.

My superior is coming.

It's you again?

What did you do this time?
Did you eat my colleague's pizza?

Listen to me.

We can't help you.

You have to go to Rome.

Rome?
- The capital.

You have to go to the Canadian embassy
to get a new passport, you understand?

In Rome?!
But can't they do more to help you out?

It seems not.

Tell me about a bunch
of dim-witted toe draggers!

Benito? Come and help us,
they want to send him to Rome!

So what?

So what? You speak Italian for Christ's sakes!
Tell them it doesn't make any sense!

And what will that change?
He has to call my brother!

Yes, but give us your brother's number!

It won't be long, I'm looking for it!
- He's still searching!

Stop shouting!
People are trying to sleep here!

We're not shouting, we're helping out your
brother who jumped both feet into deep shit again!

Benito! Bring me that damn number fast!

This is a long distance call!

When I finally got to the university,
I think it was lunchtime.

Anyway, I still went to see if by miracle

Marie-Ève could have waited for me
during two hours, we never know...

Oh! Fuck!

But, deep down, I already knew.

Well, I remember that I took
my first break at that spot.

A good three-hour break.

And I shouldn't have done this because...

So?

Getting back to the youth hostel,
I thought of Leonardo da Vinci.

In the sixteenth century,
this guy had already invented the tank,

a giant crossbow, the parachute
and even the helicopter.

How come his own country
never thought of inventing the damn elevator?

Sorry, but I can't take you in
without a passport.

But why? Where's the problem
if I pay you now?

These are the rules. I'm sorry, sir.

What can I do? I got nowhere to go.

You could try other hotels
but you will have the same problem.

They'll ask for your papers...

Go to the railway station,
they tolerate the illegal immigrants over there.

Illegal?
- Yes.

I have been through the same thing.

No, no, no, I'm not an illegal immigrant.

Of course not, sir...

What can I expect at the railway station?

Ah, fuck it! Trips are made
to meet people.

I asked them if they knew Bomboleo,
but they didn't like the Gipsy Kings.

Where are you going?

Rome... I'm going.

Wait.

This is a gift for you.

Please, take it.

Thank you.
- It's my pleasure.

Goodbye!
- Goodbye!

Ah, yes! Once in Rome,
counting my gelato, I had nine dollars left...

I'm only saying this in case you were wondering
how deep in shit I was...

CANADIAN EMBASSY

Wow! Seriously, I can
shamelessly say that on this day,

even if I had always liked
René Lévesque a lot,

I was pleased that
the 1980 referendum had failed!

I was really glad to be Canadian!

Hey, just take a look at that mud hut!

I want to be clear on this,
I was still a proud Quebecer but,

I don't know why,

I had the impression that
if the Quebec embassy would have existed,

it would have been set up in a condo,
not in such an impressive building...

...My traveler's cheques

and also my train pass. Yes.

This whole thing is so crazy,
I don't know what to do...

Well listen, we will arrange everything,

we are used to help
travellers in trouble here.

Ok, ok, well thanks,
this is very kind of you.

Caroline will take care
of your traveler's cheques,

Tracy of your train pass
and I of your passport.

We can't do anything
for your discman though.

Yeah, that's ok...

Hey, this place is freaking nice!

All this will take some time,

we'll need 24 hours to do this...

I suggest that you make a reservation
at the youth hostel right away.

I will get the number for you.
It is frequently full, so do it fast.

Would you like to eat something?

We're paying.

Yeah! Thanks, very kind of you.

Yes, yes, I would probably start with
a second Fanta, if you have anymore.

Do we still have some Fanta?

No, Pepsi.

There's only Pepsi left.

Don't worry...

OK, thank you very much.

I'm sorry for your Sushi
but we can't have any.

The restaurant where
we usually order is out of stock.

A group of Japanese came by
at lunch time and ate them all.

Would a panini do?

Yes, yes-yes.

Here's your new passport,

your new train pass
and also 40 thousand liras.

That is the amount we usually give
to people in situation like yours.

That should be enough to pay
for your bed at the hostel.

Your new traveler's cheques will be
at the American Express office tomorrow morning.

Ok, great. Thank you very much.

Canada?
- Hey!

Shit Canada! What are you doing?!

I can't explain why, but I felt
as if I'd found back an old childhood friend...

At the same time,
he was the only friend I had in Europe so...

TREVI FOUNTAIN

FORUM OF AUGUSTUS

STONE PINE

Why don't you stay here with me?

You don't have to go
to the university to learn Italian.

You can learn it here.

No, I prefer to go there.

Why?

I've never set foot in a university
and I speak 5 languages.

Yeah, but that's you...

In fact, I don't really care about Italian,
I want to get there mainly for a girl...

Which girl?

A girl...

Your girlfriend?

Eeh yeah...

Why isn't she travelling with you?

Well. At this point,
I need to tell you something.

Marie-Ève, wasn't really... Oh fuck!

It's because... she's not really my girlfriend.

Not yet at that very moment,

I know that we kissed a solid kiss
before in the pub, but...

...that never happened.

She has only kissed me in a friendly way
like a kiss a girl gives to her gay friend...

Same thing this time around.

I know that I should have
told you this from the start,

but I was afraid you'd think I'm dumb
for doing all this only for a girl.

Please, come...

Say yes.
- Ok.

So, who is that girl?

She's...

She's the woman of my life.

The woman of your life?

Yes...

The woman of my life, shit.

She just doesn't know it yet!

You are going to get married
and do like everybody else?

I don't know. Surely.

Yeah...

Everybody does the same,
that's stupid.

What about you,

you won't be travelling for life?

Why not?

Oh, I'm drunk Canada...

Canada?

What?

Kill the lights please.

You there,

you don't really want to save the world?

Yes, Canada.

But not today,

I'm too tired.

Where are you heading for now?

Oh, I don't know,
I'll stay in Rome for a while, then I'll see.

Ok... If... you want to come to Quebec,
you have my address.

Yeah, now that we know
each other, why not?

There's only one thing

that bothers me,
you never told me where you're from.

Nowhere. I'm a citizen of the world...

But seriously, are you French?

I don't give a damn about where I come from,
I only care about where I'm going.

What a strange guy!

Half the things he was saying
sounded like a song of the band Indochine.

Come on! Come here!

Bye!

At twenty-one, I don't know
if we really want to save the world.

Honestly, I only wanted

to be like the couple in front of me.

Deeply in love and holding Marie-Ève
in my arms on a train.

I don't know why,
but I find that trains have something romantic.

I couldn't have said this at the time,
but I know today

that of all the times I fell in love in my life,
this one was the strongest.

Thank you.
- Next?

I had the feeling that he would bring me back
a message from Marie-Ève...

What?! So I did all that for no reason?

Running for six kilometers,
checking there, there and over there,

call the hysteric woman,
listen to this dumb ass,

call the hysteric back,
get there for nothing, buy a ticket,

climb all these stairs,
go to this other place,

become a gypsy,
miss my first class,

take a train to Rome,
see the federal reps,

get to this spot for nothing,
become a gipsy again and sleep outside?

Yep, everything was there,

except my damn spray-on hair can.

Why was my precious can
the only fuckin' thing missing?

This is how Mamadou and I
became roommates.

He was a medical student
and knew the city very well.

That was his third year here!

I've never told him,
but he was clearly

way too much into
the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

I hope you know how this thing works?

What are you doing?

And that one?

You want this one?

I don't know...

I'll take this one, it's perfect.
- Then I'll take the other one.

Hey, I wanted to ask you...

Where is this stair?

La Scalina?
- Yes.

I'll show you later if you want.
- Ok! Great! Thanks.

But for now, what you need to do
is to take a good shower, buddy.

You've seen what you look like?

For a second, I thought you were serious.

Of course, I'm serious!

No, nobody called for you here.

Are you sure? Ask dad.

Your father went out for a walk.

I found a damn bottle of wine
hidden in your room.

Well.

Are you going to make
collect calls everyday

to find out if you got a phone call?

Your friends know that you went on a trip.

Yes, yeah-yeah. It's fine...

Is the weather nice in Italy?

Yes, very, very nice.

And? How's the university?

You really need to send me some money,
because I'm running out.

Lord! I knew it!

I knew that this whole scheme
would blow back in our faces.

Like if one should go on a trip
when he doesn't have a job?

Wo! Wo! Wo! Take it easy.

I couldn't have known that the apartment
would be a lot more expensive than expected...

I... had to get a roommate.

A roommate? Come on,
you don't know anyone in that region!

Who is that roommate?

He's... Mamadou.

Mama what?
- Dou. Mamadou.

Mamadou! Oh, well...
What a strange name he got!

I don't know.
It's an African name.

Not an African?

Anyway, it's possible...
that a girl phones home...

And who is that girl?

She's called Marie-Ève Bernard...

And, if she phones,

could you please write down
my number and give it to her?

Hold it, is the money
for you or your African?

Mother, please!

What? We hear

that they're always in deep shit in Africa.
Your African mustn't be very rich, no? No?!

Ok, bye!

Come on, dammit.

Ouh! Sexy!

If you want to join the Franciscans,
there's a monastery not far away...

I didn't know Mamadou
for more than three hours

and I had already understood
that he was a party animal.

He knew everybody
and everybody knew him.

And in a place like this,
it was particularly exciting. I mean...

it was like a UN gathering
with alcohol flowing freely.

There was this English barman
who was an Axel Rose's fan;

the Danish who got dumped
just before leaving;

the Chinese girl wearing her huge spectacles
always seated at the same spot,

or she might have
been Korean... I forgot;

the beautiful Boston twins
who always got free drinks;

the Belgian that no one understood;

the Spanish-looking German girl
who hung around the 6 feet 6 inches guy;

the French who, who, well...
who looked like Frenchmen;

the three stooges about whom nobody knew anything,
not even where they were from;

and a bunch of Greek hard-drinking girls
who were seated at my table on that evening.

I remember one of Mamadou's friends

was a minister's son and, because of that,

we didn't have to pay a dime
during the whole evening!

He was always wearing
Hugo Boss' suits, a real player.

I think we all need a friend
who is a minister's son in our lives...

Sofia and Yorda were part of the Greek group.

Sofia was really cute.

I mean, I didn't find her as beautiful
as Marie-Ève, but... she was something to see.

I don't know if it was all the scotch
payed by the minister's son

but I began to believe that the beautiful Sofia
could be the real woman of my life!

Except that the morning after,
I woke up with the wrong one...

Why?

Why me?

And the worse was her breath.

It was breathtaking.

Hello, my dear.

Good day.

Your girlfriend is really a screamer, no?

OK, stop it! Dumbass!

Can you take this?
I'm not here if it's for me!

Hello.
- Hey!

How are you?
- Fine, fine and you?

I'm so happy to see you!

Me too! Me too...
How did you manage to...

The university's receptionist
gave me your address!

Ah yes! Ok!
- I was worried! What happened?

I even called your parents.

Oh yeah?
- Yes. I talked to your father.

Did he give you my message?

My, my father?
No, how stupid of him...

This is my guy-in-deep-shit face,
I guarantee it.

In a second, I evaluated my options.

The first one: shut the door
at Marie-Ève's face,

run to the terrace,
and throw Yorda over the fence.

Second option: eeh, I didn't find any.

So I stood there like a complete bonehead.

Hello. I'm Mamadou.
- Marie-Ève.

Do you want to come in?

No, no, no coffee now, Mamadou.
One moment please.

What is it?
- Eeh... nothing.

It's only my roommates. And seriously,

the African's coffee is awful.
It is undrinkable, so...

I'm dressing up and we'll go
to the little bar down the street.

I'd liked that,
but I have a train to catch at 10.

I'm going on a university-organized trip!

We'll spend the weekend in Florence.
I just came to see if you were there.

Oh, ok, ok, ok.

Do you want to come with me
at my place to pick up my stuff

and we'll walk
to the railway station together?

Yes, you... do you want me
to accompany you to Florence?

Ah... yeah, but you had to register before,

and don't think you still can,
everything is already settled.

Ok. Just sit there.

And I'll be back in a second.

Since you weren't arriving,
I had to take a roommate.

Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

Who?

A Spanish guy, he's from Barcelona.

Ricardo, Raphaël.

Raphaël, Ricardo.

The guy is quite a character?!

Yeah, he's something,
stoned all the time and always smoking.

If there's something that really annoys me,
it's that kind of damn potheads...

You speak Spanish?

I know the basics...

Where do you sleep, on top?

Yes. The funny thing is that I had
the exact same bed when I was little.

And where does he sleep?

In the living room.

Hold on, I can't find something.
Give me a second...

You got it!

We're going to Numana next week,
if you want to come.

Numana?

Yes. It's on the Adriatic Coast.
I saw the beach, it's fantastic!

Well, it's time to go.
You want to walk with us to the railway station?

Was I mistaking or was she telling

that she was leaving for Florence
with the Spaniard disguised as a Jamaican?

And, on top of that,
she was bringing her provoking red bra?

And, to top it all, she wanted me to wave
stupidly at them from the station platform?

Come on dammit,
what kind of jerk did she think I was?

Bye!
- For the one I probably was: the worst kind!

Ricardo? Come, come, come!

I forgot to ask you earlier,
but could you be at my apartment

on Sunday morning?

A plumber is coming for the leaking sink.

Please!

Yes, yes.

You're so kind!
- Ok.

When I'll be back, I'd like to spend
an evening just the two of us, ok?

Ciao Ricardo.
Go screw yourself, you wanker.

Mamadou might have had
a big mouth, yes,

and he might have been
a bit of a liar as well but,

things were rolling for him.

So, if I wanted to get Marie-Ève,
I just had to work towards that goal,

stop waiting for it to happen by itself
and tell her the real things.

It was as simple as that!

I won't accept being overpassed
by a damn Spanish from Montego Bay!

I had dilly dallied long enough.
It was now time to act!

The time has come to make Marie-Ève Bernard
succumb to Ricardo Trogi's charms.

Ricardo Trogi the man, but mainly,
Ricardo Trogi the screenwriter!

Sorry, I was just fooling around...
Hell no, I wasn't!

Why do you want the risotto recipe?

Because I need it, that's all!

Shit.

You're in Italy,

ask anyone around,
he'll tell you how to do it.

No, I want Luigi's recipe.

The one he made for Filomena
and the one you prepared for mom!

Ah! You've met a girl, did you?

Yes! I did!

And you are going
to make risotto for an Italian girl

because you think
that she has never eaten this...

She's not an Italian
but a Quebecer.

Hey, you're in Italy,
you meet a girl and she's a Quebecer?

Yes, what does it change?

I don't know, I would have liked you
to meet an Italian girl in Italy...

Why? You've married
a girl from Quebec!

Yes, but I was in Quebec
so I met a Quebecer,

not an Italian, that's normal.

Just give me the recipe.
You don't understand, this girl is...

She's the woman of my life.

Because you think that you will seduce
the woman of your life with some risotto?

What are you talking about?

First of all,

there's no such thing
like the woman of your life.

I've spent the last 25 years with your mother

and I still don't know
if she's the woman of my life so...

My scenario was pretty simple.

It was a classical Italian love movie.

Why? Because at 21
when you're in film studies,

everything's nicer in black and white.

PERUGIA MY LOVE

Wow! What are we celebrating?

Today is the first anniversary
of our very first encounter.

Ah! You remembered!

Of course! I've been growing
these darn flowers for you since last year!

You really believe in that thing?

I prefer not to take any chances!

And at that moment,
he appears from under the bench,

the German girls are having the jitters of
their life and I don't get a word they're saying!

He suddenly utters something in German
and the girls burst out in laughter!

May I dare imagine that
the most beautiful girl in Italy

would agree to have dinner with me?

She would be delighted!

What are you cooking?

Let's say that this is
no shepherd's pie!

Oh my god, this is unreal!
Such a tasty risotto is pure witchcraft!

No, it's really easy when one feels inspired!

Are you ok?

Not really.

There's something I have to tell you.

What is it?

By Jove! How astonishing!
I can't believe it.

Of course, darling. It's in the tourism brochure.
Come at once.

Marie-Ève?

What?

If I went through all this mess,
it's not only for your beautiful ass.

What for?

I adore everything in you,
except your fucking lip synch sessions,

but whatever,
you are the woman of my life!

So that was it. It was now or never.
May the movie start.

Dammit!

Canada? Fuck!

What's going on?!
- Isn't it clear? The controller is on my tail!

Come on!

Are these flowers for me?

Even if the most romantic evening of my life
had gone down the drain,

I was still happy to see that jerk!

Furthermore, I didn't know
where Marie-Ève was, so...

What do you want me to say?

Ok, if it's for me...
- You're not here as usual!

Ok now stir it slowly and continuously.

I hated when she was doing this to me...

And this time,
it almost looked like a warning...

I don't know anymore.

How can you say this? If everybody was thinking
like you, it would be the end of the world!

The end of the world! The world has always
functioned like this and we are still here!

Excuse me, but if as you say,
everybody has prejudices,

How can we manage not to be racists?

We just don't!
- So we're all racists? You, me, him?

Exactly!
- You? You're a racist?

And you too, don't worry.

Never.

Ah, me neither.
- Of course.

Well, no!

Then, if we are all racists,
if we all have prejudices as you say,

tell me Mamadou,

what are the three of us doing all together
and eating at the same table?

What does it mean?

It only means that we're on a trip, that's all!

No, no, no, precisely, the fact that
we're travelling shows that we don't fear

and proves that we're not racist, no?

Not at all. Listen.

It's normal to have prejudices.
It's your brain that's sending you a signal.

From the moment you meet someone,

you can't prevent your brain
of sending you a signal,

a message that tells
if you're in danger or not.

Ok, it may be true in some extreme situations...
- Let me finish.

For example, you,
the first time you met Arturo,

what did your brain tell you?

Arturo? Eeh...

I don't know, nothing special.

Stop this, just say the truth.

At the same time, I would be surprised
that our brain would tell us...

Ah come on Canada, say it,

what did you think when you first saw me?

That was a particular situation
because Arturo barged into my train cabin and...

No-no-no-no...
- Well, I found you a little invasive but...

What did your brain tell you?

Danger or no danger?

I don't know.
- Well, you don't want to displease.

You tell me if it sounds like this?

You want to know what my brain told me earlier
when you walked in here?

Ah yes, go on, why not?
What did your brain...

Good! My brain told me:

his hair is a mess;

his clothes look like they've not been washed
for the last ten years;

on top of the fact that you had the courage
of swallowing two plates of this shitty risotto!

So, all this put together
gave me the impression

that you're in deep shit, thus danger!

This guy doesn't know anything about me.

What gives him the right
to judge people like this?

I don't know...

he's usually cool.

And you think the exact same thing?

Of you?
- Yep.

Hell, no.

Then, what do you think?

I don't know,

I think you're a good person.

Ah yes, there...

You know that If I had some money,
I would gladly give you something to drink...

Of course, of course...
- No, because I...

I don't want you to think
that I'm taking advantage of you...

Of course not! It's ok, it's ok...

Isn't it fantastic to see that destiny
always bring us back together?

Oh yeah, it's... it's...

Still, it's more the train than destiny...

Oh stop fooling around!

You don't find this extraordinary?

Ah it's crazy!

In such an immense world...

two guys like us that bump
into each other unexpectedly...

twice...

Yeah, yeah, it's true.

It is more than true.

It's... it's extraordinary!

In my case, it had never happened
with no one before.

Me neither...

You're a good person, Canada!

You too. You too.

You know that people like us
will save the world.

Yes! We...

we'll save the world!

What?

Come on...
- We will save the world!

Just say it!
- Well, we will save the world!

That's it!

We will save the world!
- We will save the world!

Now you're talking, Canada!
- You and I will save the world!

That's true!
- We will save the world!

Let's save the world! Let's save the--

Hey, stop!

What are you doing?

Same thing as you, Canada.

I'm looking for the woman of my life...

Shit, I drank too much.

Wai-wai-wait!

Arturo?

Well. How should I put it?

One thing is sure,
I didn't see it coming neither.

I tried to remember at what point
I could have given him the impression

that I was the "woman of his life" but...
I couldn't find anything.

At that very moment, I thought
it was maybe the risotto's fault.

We never know.

In the place I'm from, Quebec City,
when someone was going to french kiss you,

he would give you some hints or do like me

and wait for a slow dance
or something in the mood.

But not like this.

Hello?

I knew that Arturo would have to go back
to the apartment to pick up his guitar, and...

I didn't want to go through
another awkward situation, so...

since I had the key,
I went to Marie-Ève's place.

And... Oh fuck!

The plumber.

Think of the worst day of your life
and you wouldn't even be close to what I felt.

Hey, at that very moment,
I was so shocked

that the only thing that came up to mind
was D'Astous' freaking face!

Shit!

I came for the sink, ok so...

Fuck.

Ricardo?

Ricardo, wait please!
- Hey, I was there for the fucking sink, ok?

Forget about the sink! Ricardo Trogi!

Say something!

You got a nice damn ring!

I didn't know that
you were going to be there!

Ricardo, please talk to me!

Hey, I told you all I had to say.

You didn't say a word!
- Shit, you know what I'm going to say!

No! What?

You really don't know?

You don't have a damn clue?

What is it that I don't know?

That I'm in love with you, dammit!

It's impossible that you didn't know it.

Ok, I... I suspected it.

You suspected it?
- Yeah, a little...

And you didn't feel like discussing it with me,
just have a little chat about it?

And you?
- What about me?

You've never told me anything!

Each time we're together
you keep fooling around and tell jokes.

I can never know what you really think.
It seems like you keep hiding your thoughts!

I don't know who you are!

Ok, ok, maybe I'm not always
saying everything...

but dammit, is there a lot
of people in your life

who call you every single day
and who invite you to go out to dinner...

You don't call me everyday...
- Well, I call you regularly!

Do you know a lot of people
who call as... often as me?

Yes, I know some,
they're called friends!

Ok! Ok! Your friends, right!

Do you know a lot them that would storm
three different video clubs

just to find a damn copy
of Pretty Woman to watch with you,

do you have a lot of friends like this?

Or friends that would come
as far as this place?

Only for you!

Do you have plenty of friends like that?

What do you want me to say?

If you'd have talked to me sincerely
just once of how you were feeling,

maybe things would have been different.

But you never do it!

You're the one who told me
that your Raphael was quite a character,

that he was always stoned
and that potheads like him annoyed you...

So, I've changed! Ok?

You've changed? You only left two days ago!

Yes I changed ok!
I didn't know what smoking was before!

It, it opens your mind.
It makes you see things differently...

Ok please! I know what smoking is!

We smoke hash, listen to Pink Floyd,
and gobble a big poutine afterward...

Ricardo, I'm on a trip!

I don't owe anything to anyone.

If I feel like having fun with a guy and smoke
some joints, I have the right to do it.

And what about the girl at your apartment
the other day? Who is she?

Her? No, it's nothing!
- Oh it's nothing.

No, she doesn't mean a thing!

You're no better than me.

Fuck!

You won't make me believe that you're in love
with a guy who wears dreadlocks, shit!

I'm not in love with him!

And his dreadlocks are irrelevant!

Since you've been here, you keep wearing a hat
and I'm not hassling you about it!

We all know that you're losing your hair
if that's what is bothering you!

The hat is a gift! Ok!

Wait, wait...

Marie! Marie! Marie! Marie!

The only reason that made me
come here is to be with you.

And only that.

I don't give a damn about everything else.

You're the woman of my life.

Why, why did you want me
to come over here?

To be with you?

Or what?

I don't know,
because you're my friend

and I thought that you wanted
to learn Italian, because...

we're having fun together...
Because we like being together.

And you didn't think for a second
that I might have wanted more?

Honestly...

Yes, I've thought that it could work
between you and me.

Ok! Ok! Perfect but,

tell me what's missing
for things to work between us?

I don't know...

Ok.

Ricardo.

You know what?

I think she knew
why she didn't love me,

but just like me,
she was unable to say everything.

I mean to say everything
when it's really important,

when it might badly hurt someone.

Come to think of it,
it's not necessarily a shortcoming

to want to spare others' feelings.

Sometimes, I also think like this.

I mean, I never learned exactly
why Marie-Ève Bernard didn't love me.

Not only because she didn't
tell me on that day,

but mainly because
I never wanted to know it.

That was my biggest flaw,

I don't want to know
why people don't love me,

I'm not sure that I could deal with it.

But who is this Ricardo Trogi?

Ricardo Trogi from Canada.

So what...

So...

The following morning, I decided to leave Perugia
and go visit my father's brother.

I had to go get the mushrooms,

and I also didn't want to be
in the same city than Marie-Ève anymore.

I didn't tell anyone that I was leaving.
I didn't want to...

I didn't feel like it...

I'd like to tell that
once on board the train,

bang, I had finally realized
that I was in love with "Georgia",

that I had jumped out of the train at the next
station to run back to her and all these things...

but life is not exactly like a romantic comedy.

Not mine anyway.

Well, now I have to go out so you can...

No, I'm tired of hiding.

Eh, Canada?

Did you find the woman of your life?

No, not yet...

And you?

Me, I prefer to be searching
for the woman of my life than finding her!