Original subtitles

Yo, what's going on, guys? Welcome back to our channel.

Welcome back.

By the title of this video y'all already know

we're going to be talking about how we kiss

- and kissing... - Yeah.

- And different ways of kissing. - Yeah.

So you wanna make sure your lips are nice and moisturized

before you go kissing somebody.

When you're in the moment, some people,

you just, you might forget to swallow your spit.

Yeah, that's awkward.

- You just don't wanna... - It's the slobber.

Yeah, you don't wanna surprise them

when you're getting comfortable with them

and you start adding tongue and stuff like that,

it's like you're not anticipating it and I just go like, I'm like...

Just...

Right in there, like, you don't wanna do that.

You have to, like, use your arms and your hands.

You know what I'm saying?

Girls just like being touched, like, through their hair, like this.

You have to, like, grab them, touch them.

Like, don't be scared, don't just go, like, you know, like this.

- Just a bit. - Demonstration.

Demonstration.

Camille, do you have any clothes that need washing?

Mom!

- All right, don't let... - Are you watching...?

- No! - Are you? Let me see.

- No, mom. - Turn it on.

No. What would you even do if there was actually...

Like, that's so awkward, mom.

- Awkward? Can you turn it on? - No, I don't know how.

- You better turn... - I don't know, I forgot.

- Dad turned it on for me. - What are you talking about dad?

- Turn it on! - Nope.

- Turn it on. - You're seeing things.

My God. My God.

You are in so much trouble, young lady. Just wait till I talk to your father.

Okay, yes, that's me in the car

having my first real kiss with Dylan Morris.

Dylan Morris, only the hottest guy in school

and my crush for, like, for ever!

I can't believe this is really happening.

Do not mess this up, Camille.

Am I doing this right?

Lemme try that one thing from the Cosmo article.

Nice.

You're a good kisser.

Thanks. I've done a lot of research.

- What? - Nothing.

This is my favorite part.

So you kissed Dylan in the car wash?

- That's gross. - It was romantic.

You know, car washes can be hacked in remotely

and turned into literal killing machines, right?

You wouldn't get it.

I don't know. Let me see the back.

I thought we said no relationships, you know?

Like romantic anarchy, remember?

Yeah, that was to make not getting any sound cool and on purpose.

It's actually dope when someone likes you.

I think this could really, like,

be something, you know?

Are we sure Dylan likes you, though?

Yeah. Why?

You know, he's still dating Raelynn.

- They broke up. - Yeah, for, like, the 14th time.

Very funny.

I'm just trying to look out for you, man.

Or you're just jealous

that I finally found someone who actually likes me.

Dude, I'm not jealous.

Okay, let me try this again.

My God, your first kiss! Yes!

- Better? - Thank you.

It's all I needed from you.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- That's sick. - Wait, hang on.

- Yo! - Yo! Destiny.

Yeah.

You're taken on a desert island.

- Your one item? - Porn.

- Like a magazine? - You'd get bored of it.

On your phone, then.

There's no signal on the island, though.

Yo, Liam.

You're stranded on a desert island. You can only take one item.

Easy. A NOMAD multi-tool tactical shovel.

- Wrong. - A what?

No.

Sorry for giving you the correct answer for your question.

Hey, Val, do you wanna grab a beer?

No, thank you.

Hey, can you pass me one?

Yeah, sure thing, my dude.

Mason, I'm sorry, is dude okay?

Yeah, it's fine,

I feel like most, like, casual slang terms like that are...

pretty gender neutral.

Dude, mate, fella.

Dandy, dawg.

Chap, old-timer.

Good to know.

Cool outfit, by the way. You look like the moon.

Thank you.

As in, not photogenic.

I thought about going to smoke. Do you wanna come?

No, no, no, I did weed once and it did not go well.

- Did weed? - Yeah.

I thought Liam was an undercover cop.

And I've known him since I was ten.

Are you looking for somebody or something?

Yeah. Dylan Morris.

That's all you, man. Help me out.

Hey, Cam-bam, maybe you don't wanna see what's going on.

I told you not to call me like that.

Maybe they're just fighting.

And I felt nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

This is what it's about.

Damn it.

You okay?

Yeah. Totally fine.

- Are you sure you're good? - Yeah, I'm fine.

She did the damn-it kiss.

- The what? - The damn-it kiss.

When you're with someone who you know is bad for you

and you shouldn't kiss, but the raw erotic energy

takes control of your body and you're just like, "Damn it."

Okay.

- So you're good? - Yeah.

Like, it was just a kiss. Like, I'm over it.

- That's good. - Yeah.

Completely over it. This is good for me, you know?

Totally fine.

Okay.

Well...

- See you. - See you.

Dylan Morris. Really?

Why are you so weak for him, Camille?

I know we're gonna be okay

I'm telling you We're gonna find our way

I promise you We're gonna be okay, okay, okay

Can you turn it up, please?

Gonna be okay I promise you

We're gonna find our way I know it's true

We're gonna be okay, okay, okay

Okay, okay

So glad you could make it, Camille.

Hasn't gotten to our part yet, right?

No.

Perks of being the bass.

We get, like, two notes.

Having no rhythm pays off.

At least we didn't get conductor like Chapman.

- That looks exhausting. - Yeah.

Ignore that.

What does it mean?

I'm sorry.

I told them to drop it.

It's really Dylan behind it.

He wants to save face for Raelynn, so he told us you're...

Our part's coming.

- I'm what, Brady? - Get ready.

- Tell me! - He said that you're a bad kisser.

He said you're...

I'm sorry.

You engulf.

Hence, the Kraken.

- I don't kiss like the Kraken. - Hey, I told you. I don't believe it.

So you'd kiss me, then?

Camille and Brady.

Yeah.

- Stop. You're just saying that. - I'm serious.

Actually, you'd probably be really good at it.

Aren't you, like, bisexual?

Yeah. What does that have to do with it?

You're experienced.

I'm flattered you'd think that,

but I only just learned about sex, like, two years ago

when my mom rented Gaspar Noe's LOVE 3D

thinking it was Love Actually.

Whatever, man.

Just give it a few days, it'll blow over.

They say high school is about making a mark.

I always thought that that would be like an award or something.

But apparently, my high-school legacy is that I'm an epically bad kisser.

Release the Kraken. Release the Kraken.

Release the Kraken.

What's going on, honey?

Nothing. I'm fine.

Something is wrong with you.

Are you still hungry?

Is something wrong with the daal chawal?

No, mom, it's not the daal chawal.

You want some more, then?

- No, I'm good. - You are still hungry.

- No, that's not it. - Here.

- Mom! What... - Camille!

I told you I didn't want any more daal!

Thanks, Mrs. Varma. And we're just friends.

You don't gotta worry about me doing anything untoward.

So I'll leave the door open.

You wish.

I thought Indian moms were supposed to be, like, strict.

They are. She just doesn't see you as a threat.

I mean, I'll try to not act hurt by that.

Pete's just a skidmark. Don't even look at that.

Why do you do this to yourself? Just stop looking at it.

Give me that.

What's wrong with me?

Well, you're a bit of a psycho, but it's cute on you.

No! What's wrong with me?

Why don't people like me?

- People like you. - Like me, like me.

Well,

maybe just because nobody likes you right now

doesn't mean nobody ever will.

I mean, look at Joanne Bryce.

Nobody thought she'd ever get any.

And then Chris Cherbowski confessed his love to her

during the History Club's trip to Rome. Remember?

Yeah, a bit extra, but cute.

Well,

how about how Richie Spindle asked Yalina de Cordoba

to homecoming on a hot-air balloon?

I mean, these kids are wild.

Yeah, but see, that's exactly what I mean.

I still haven't had that crazy, spontaneous, extraordinary romance.

You know, the hot-air balloon, the trip to Rome,

driving across an empty desert highway,

their hand on your thigh,

not knowing where you're going,

but knowing it doesn't matter because you'll be together.

I mean, both the hands should be on the wheel for...

No, no, at first I thought it's okay, it'll happen eventually, but...

I don't know, maybe...

maybe some people just don't ever get those experiences, you know?

Like...

maybe there's just something about me

and it's just never gonna happen.

What?

You know what, be cool, just go on, like a social-media cleanse,

you know, just like, don't look at your phone, you know.

No, it's something, just like, it's freeing for self-care Monday.

- What? - No, don't!

God. Just delete Instagram.

What? No!

No!

It's okay, just delete it. Don't look at it.

That's it.

I'm... I'm the Kraken.

Am I really that bad? Kiss me.

Gross! It's like kissing my sister.

Your sister's super-hot.

Don't tell me you haven't thought about it.

No, I've never thought about kissing my sister.

I wanna die.

X square plus...

X to the fourth times X-squared minus X.

Pete, number three.

Okay, think, think, think.

What could be? What could be?

Hey.

So, wrong already.

Are you really this dumb, Pete?

Yes, you are.

Thank you, Pete.

What's this?

Pete Wanamaker asked a question, "Would you make out with the Kraken?

These are the people that replied, "Yes."

This is, like, some serious intel.

I'm not even gonna ask how you got these names.

But are you sure they're not just, like, you know, trolling?

Believe me, that was my first thought. But look.

Brady Tucker was low-key flirting with me in English Handbells.

Alejandra Ramirez isn't even friends with Pete,

so she has no reason to make fun of me.

And DJ Ice, like, he takes himself way too seriously.

What about the fourth one?

I just got the Insta.

Cinnamon Rolls Official.

- Any idea who it is? - No.

It's a Finsta.

Literally just cinnamon rolls.

But, wait, look at the following.

Yeah, he definitely goes to our school.

Or she. Or they.

So what are you gonna do with this information?

And smile.

Great. Next.

It's a kiss list.

So you're gonna, like, date all these people?

No, I'm a summer away from my senior year

and I'm not gonna enter it with everyone thinking I can't kiss,

these four people are on the record, willing to canoodle.

So by the end of the school year next week,

I'm gonna kiss each of them.

Next!

- You go. - How do I look?

Okay.

So who's up first on your sex rampage?

No, no, not sex. It's not about that.

These are just swoony, movie-caliber kisses.

- Movie-caliber? - That's right.

I'm not just gonna kiss them, I'm gonna blow their minds.

Four people, four extraordinary moments.

And then my reputation will be spotless.

Right. So who is up first?

Okay, so if you're in a three-man zone, all right, the knuckling zone, the...

You'll have...

So what, you're just gonna run on to the court and kiss him?

I'll figure it out.

Cop another chocolate-chip cookie?

Say something.

Well, stop.

- What? - What?

What about what?

Okay, this is...

It's awkward now.

Camille,

Brady was telling us how you

were hitting on him all the time in music class.

And we dared him to go along with it.

So I'm putting a stop to it.

Is that true?

Is it?

Camille.

Hey.

So why is it tortoise and not tort-was?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Everything.

Or maybe a live turtle is tortoise

and then a dead turtle is tort-was.

Man, that's actually really sad, though.

Look who came to give it another shot.

Prove it.

How do you like this, Dylan?

And the entire lunch room.

He's actually into it, too.

Kraken, my ass.

That just happened, right?

Next on the list...

What's your deal?

Okay then, guess I'm going plant shopping.

The Echeveria.

It's beautiful.

It really is the Nicki Minaj of the genera.

You looking to take one home?

No, just admiring them.

I don't blame you. They are wonderful beings.

One day we'll rise.

- What? - What?

Let me know if you need anything.

Thank you.

Hi.

Hey.

I didn't know anyone else came here.

It's kind of like my spot.

Yeah, I just discovered it.

Yeah, It's my happy place.

Well, don't really don't know how I feel about the name, though.

I mean, they chose a concept and went for it, you know?

Hey.

Pete's a skidmark.

Thank you.

Yeah, I replied yes to his poll, by the way.

You didn't have to do that.

Well, it's true.

Really?

Yeah. I...

I always had, like, a little baby crush on you.

Besides, you're the only other out queer girl in our school.

Yeah, we're pretty sparse. Yeah.

I'm used to finding girls in, like, other schools or on Tinder,

Bumble, Scissr,

Her or college campuses, walking down the street

and they ask for my number.

It's hard, man. You know?

Yeah.

Word.

Yeah, so... see you around.

Yeah?

You got more Echeverias?

Yes. Aren't they beautiful?

Truly the Nicki Minaj of the genera.

Yes.

Hey, nice!

Thank you.

Hey,

there's a screening of Desert Hearts at Vintage Village tonight.

Do you wanna...

- Do you wanna go? - Hell, yeah! I love that movie.

I know.

I mean, me too.

Okay.

So I'll pick you up tonight?

It's a date.

Guess it is.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

The sansevieria starfish, aka the sensation!

Okay.

- That'll be 52 dollars. - Fifty...

It's 52?

No.

All right, mom, going out.

Where are you going?

On a date.

On a date? Who is this guy?

Camille, what is his name?

Her, actually. Alejandra.

Why are you going on a date with a girl?

Are you serious?

I'm bisexual, mom.

I came out to you. Like, two years ago.

- Bisexual? - You're kidding me.

I came out to you. I gave you a whole speech!

Well, I thought you would have got over it by now.

I'm not getting over it, mom. It's my sexuality!

Okay, I suppose I didn't understand you, chutki.

You did, mom. You're just choosing to ignore it.

- Does your dad know? - Yes!

And he's okay with you being...

My God! Yes! My God, you know what?

I'm not even talking about this right now.

You're not gonna ruin this night for me.

- Camille, come here. - I won't be back late.

Camille...

[speaking in hindi]

I won't be back late.

Camille!

Go, go, go!

What's wrong?

Nothing, just, maybe disobeyed my mom for the first time ever in my life.

Yikes.

Well, was your dad on your side at least?

No. He lives in India.

Damn.

Well, it's a good thing I like bad girls, then.

Cute shirt, by the way.

I love this playlist.

Yeah?

Thanks. It's taken me years to build.

You know her?

Yeah, she's pretty famous.

Yeah, we dated, actually.

Hey, are your parents cool with...

The whole gay thing?

Yeah, they were, like, annoyingly supportive about it.

Like, the Christmas after I came out, they took me to see Ellen.

Want a hit?

Sure.

No.

I can... hell, I can't feel my face.

Thanks.

You save us some seats. I'll get the popcorn?

No, I'll go.

It's fine. I'll go.

No, I mean, I'll get the popcorn.

You got the tickets.

So I'll get the popcorn, yeah?

I mean, that checks out logically, right?

Yeah.

- You okay? - Yes.

Okay, I'll save you a seat.

- Hey. - Mason.

Hi. I mean, hi as in hello, not in as I'm high.

Yeah. I got that.

Large popcorn, please.

Okay. That'll be 8.10.

The Kraken.

I'll go get the popcorn.

Here you go. Keep the change.

What the... What?

In case of emergency, exits are located...

Where is the popcorn?

Last but not least...

I bought it, but I...

I walked away before they gave it to me.

There is no talking during the show.

Now sit back, relax and enjoy.

It's chill.

You're funny.

Well, I'm ready to hear that.

You know I'm not allowed to go out of state lines.

- I'll tell you... - Phone!

God! God! My phone.

Shoot! Jesus, Camille.

Where is it? My gosh.

Okay, you know what? Just leave it, just leave it.

Focus on your breath. Breathe.

There we go.

Okay, what's this?

Okay, no, just get comfortable.

Are you trying to shock me?

No. I was only telling you the truth.

Have I misled you in any way?

Not for a minute.

Because...

you know I care a lot about you.

What the f...

Roll it all the way down.

My gosh!

- Release the Kraken. - God.

- God. - The Kraken.

Gosh.

My God. Get me out of here.

Really, you and me.

I don't care about anyone else, just...

No. Not this again.

- Camille, come here. - Mom?

- God. - Camille...

[speaking in hindi]

Maybe there's just something about me,

and it's just never gonna happen.

The Kraken.

The Kraken.

[speaking in hindi]

I had fun.

Yeah. Yeah, me, too.

Well, thanks for the ride.

Man!

Absolutely too high for this.

Goodnight.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm so stupid!

Why did you smoke weed, Camille?

Why did you smoke weed? What?

Why did you smoke weed, Camille?

What are you, what, are you Seth Rogen now?

What? Snoop Dogg?

Stupid! God! Crap.

Look.

All right. Okay, I can still salvage it.

I can still, I can still, yeah, I can still salvage it.

I can still salvage it. Yeah, that's what I could do.

I'll text her.

That's right. I'll text her, I'll text her and...

No. I'll call her. I will call her.

I'll tell her, "Wait, wait, I forgot something.

I forgot something and I need to just..."

Crap!

Yeah.

No.

- Hi. - Hello again.

I... My God, thank you!

- You live on Rosewood, right? - Yeah.

You're on my way. Let me walk you. I'll just close up.

Sure.

It's not funny. I basically hallucinated.

It's hilarious.

I mean, look, I love weed.

But, man, it'll mess some stuff up in there.

Yeah.

So there won't be a second date?

I mean, it wasn't really a date. I just wanted to kiss her.

I'm on a bit of a romantic walkabout.

Cool.

A sex-capade.

More like a kiss-capade.

- Forget it. - What?

I made a kiss list.

- That's cool. - It's stupid.

It's like I have to prove Pete wrong.

But also I'm just like,

I feel like these experiences should have happened already,

and I just kinda wanna make up for lost time or something.

By living extraordinary moments.

Right.

Dope.

More power to ya.

I'm not sure though, after tonight it's just like,

it's like I wanna be confident and I,

I wanna be straightforward with people, charming, but...

maybe it just isn't me.

You know, I feel like you're posing an interesting question here.

I mean,

should we strive to be the best versions of ourselves

or should we just learn to live with what we've got?

Exactly.

Well, let's try it out.

What?

Let's sneak in.

I'm serious. Okay, look, we could keep walking.

We can give into whatever boring end of the night

the universe has in store for us,

or we say, "Screw the Universe"

and we go for a swim.

Okay, yeah you're crazy.

Okay, do you want to be the type of person

to sneak into a private school's pool?

- Yeah. - I do, too.

- So let's do it. - Okay.

Yeah!

- There's somebody coming. - No, there isn't.

- Ready? - Yeah.

Okay, let's do it!

One, two...

Well, it's not as cold as I thought it was gonna be.

No, it's not that bad.

Can you do a handstand?

- Maybe. - Okay, get down there.

Okay.

I got water in my nose.

No.

All right, hold on, let me try.

Can you do this?

- Wait, hold on. There you go. - What?

Okay, how do you do that?

Wanna see another cool trick?

It's getting a bit chilly.

Yeah.

- You didn't kiss Mason either? - No.

I thought about just saying like,

"Wanna see another cool trick?"

And then just laying one on them.

Okay, that is literally visual poetry.

I mean, you should have done it. My god, I did it again!

I had two opportunities and I wussed out.

Why am I like this?

- You did fine with Brady. - I know!

It's like I used up all my confidence.

It's fine. Mason was not on the Kiss List anyways.

Maybe they're the CinnamonRolls account.

I feel like they're above having a food porn finsta.

You know, you don't have to stick to the list.

Yes, I do.

What validation do you get from being a...

Slut?

No, whatever you're doing,

a kissing slut, a mouth slut.

I don't know, okay?

I just, I have to prove that I'm type of person

that just kisses people and...

The type of person people wanna kiss.

- Yeah. - All right. I get it now.

If you wanna be a mouth slut, you have my blessing to be a mouth slut,

- maybe that's... - Is there another term we can use?

Yeah.

Well, the Overnight's this weekend.

I bet you can scratch a few names off the list there.

It's not about knocking them off.

I'm creating memorable moments here.

Are you really, love?

Well, I'm just saying,

there's gonna be dozens of drunk teens in a house,

and sloppy make-out sessions are like a given.

You kiss someone then, if it's so easy.

I wish.

You know there's a rumor going around that I'm a lip virgin,

but not a regular virgin? Like what?

I mean, I've kissed before... once.

- Hey, guys! - Hey, Val.

Whatcha doing? You on a date?

- No. - No, I'm single. Completely...

I'm alone, but not lonely, you know. I'm like dating myself.

Like independently owned and operated.

Okay, you going to the Overnight?

- Yeah. - See you there.

Did you just have a moment?

I mean, I thought I was being delusional, but, like, right?

Hey, maybe you'll get some at the Overnight too.

You think Val would make out with me?

- You like Val? - I mean, yeah, why?

No reason, she is cute, she is just a little...

ethereal.

Yeah.

Hey, it's our song.

No, this is not our song, you don't even know it.

- Yes, I do. - No, no.

I just see you, you're just, you're lipping

"Peas and Carrots" over and over again.

- No... - Yes, you are.

Stop doing it.

Okay, so, I wanna replay everything I did wrong in my head,

like an endlessly repeating loop from hell.

These kisses aren't gonna happen unless I get my groove back.

Time to cross off some more names.

Who's next?

Yeah. DJ Ice. Hot.

Camille? Let's talk?

I can't. Liam's here.

Hi, Mrs. Varma. How are you?

See, I'll bring her back safe, and we're still just friends,

so you don't have to bring out the ol' shotgun.

Or hit me with your... sandals.

- How do you... - Chappals.

- Hit me with your chappals. - You still wish.

Okay.

And we're not gonna like drink or anything,

so you don't gotta worry about that.

- There's something else. - Why would you drink?

No, he's just joking.

There is no, no drinking on this turtle trip.

Yeah, so are you ready to carry the baby turtles

so they can reach the lake?

Actually, Camille, we're not supposed to carry the turtles

because that can affect their imprinting process

and they won't be able to return to the same shore

and won't be able to lay their eggs, it's like a whole thing.

We're having conversation when you're back.

Yeah, bye.

- Bye, Mrs. Varma. - Bye!

So, turtle trip?

Are we going to the same place?

Okay, I lied and said I'm going on a trip for science class.

You think they wouldn't let you go otherwise?

No way. Things are super weird right now.

It's just like hanging in the air.

It's like we ran someone over and agreed to never mention it again.

What's this?

Sleeping gear, what do you mean?

We're not free-soloing El Capitan, we're gonna be inside a house.

Yeah. You gotta be prepared for the un-prepabable.

Wait, un-pre-pa-pre-pa, how do you say it?

- Un-pre-pa... - Okay, okay. Whatever.

- I'm gonna go in the back. - Un-pre-pa...

Preparable.

T's not that hard.

Liam, the door.

Now I know why you're Uber-ating solo.

We're picking someone else up?

Yeah.

I volunteered to drive people up.

We got two more.

Who?

My homies.

I'm your only homie.

I didn't plan this, I swear.

I tried to tell you back at your house,

but you tangled me up in your web of lies.

What?

I posted on the class Discord that I have two seats available

and two people responded and, well...

Hey, pretty girl.

- Hey, guys. - Hi.

- Thanks for the ride. - Yeah, no problem.

- Hey. - Hey, hi.

- You guys ready? - Yeah, yes.

- Let's go, let's do this. - Yeah.

That's a lot of water, Cam-Bam. I'm not stopping for a pee break.

Everybody okay back there?

Yeah, cool.

Could you hurry up? I really want to pee.

Told you to ease on the water, Cam-Bam.

You, like, chug at it, man.

- It was actually irresistible? - Yeah, I was pretty thirsty.

I'm just gonna go ahead...

I'll just, you know, get my stuff later.

Are you sure? You don't want it to get stolen.

Whatever. I gotta pee, dude.

Dope fit, Ice.

What's that puffer?

Double taps? Sus boy?

Bingo! Number three, DJ Ice.

Terrific.

- Hey, Isaac. - What's guch, Camille?

- You DJing tonight? - Yeah, playing my new mix.

Thirty minutes of beats,

only using samples from Medieval Troubadours.

- I call it Trouba-core. - Sounds lit.

I'm taking requests too.

Is there something you wanna hear? Something sexy?

Yes!

Let me get back to you.

Excuse me.

Is there another bathroom nearby?

Cool, excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Look, I found this in one of the rooms. Isn't it cool?

You wanna kiss him?

- Hey, you're a feisty one. - And you're a skid mark, Pete.

No! Did I just...?

Crap!

Okay.

Camille, sweetie. You can do this.

Find Liam. Change pants. Complete the list.

Easy.

Yeah, all right. Find Liam.

Change pants. Complete the list.

Easy.

- Hey. - Nope. Not going there.

God!

Camille, no, no. Change your pants first.

God, are you serious right now?

What?

Hey, have you guys seen Camille?

Sorry.

- Hey, Val. - Hi.

What you doing?

- Reading my horoscope. - Let me guess. Sagittarius?

Yeah. You're into astrology?

It's like, the moon can alter the ocean levels worldwide,

but somehow the fluids in our brains are spared?

- Like, give me a break. - Okay, right?

It takes a certain level of egotism to think that massive cosmic bodies

have no effect on little old us.

Exactly.

- You must be a Pisces rising? - Yeah.

Scorpio moon? No, no, no, don't tell me.

- Saturn in the eighth house? - Okay, how are you doing that?

Hey, do you wanna maybe, like, go on a walk by the lake?

No.

Sorry.

No, it's totally fine.

Come on, Liam. Where are you, dude?

- Hey. - Sup?

What're you doing?

Just looking for Liam.

Have you seen him? I really need my bag.

Come and have a drink with me.

Yeah.

Yeah, just... Give me a...

I'm sorry, I just really need to find Liam.

Okay. I get it. That's cool.

- No, no, Alejandra, I'm... - I'll be fine, it's cool.

My god, Liam! Where's my stuff?

- I put it in one of the rooms. - Where?

I told you not to take the water, man.

Look away.

Hey, look, it happens. It's no big deal. I've been there.

I think this is one of those, like, let's-never-talk-about-it scenarios.

- Hey, Cam-Bam? - Yeah.

Remember when you got your heart broken into tiny pieces

and your self-esteem was at an all-time low

and I was there to kinda support you?

Yeah.

Well, I think I need that right now.

You're excellent and handsome and smart.

And just an all-around a pretty neat dude. Yeah.

- Is that okay? - Camille.

I gotta go, dude. I'm this close, okay?

I will talk to you later. Promise.

- Hey. Pretty girl. - Hi.

Look, Camille, I don't like playing games.

If you can't make up your mind, I'll just do it for you.

Shouldn't you be, like, DJing or something?

I got the next few songs lined up.

So I got a couple of minutes. You wanna grab a drink?

Not really.

Smoke a stoge then?

Or we could just, like, go make out somewhere.

All right.

Okay, this is nice. I guess.

Okay. Not exactly an extraordinary moment.

Maybe not every kiss has to be.

Maybe some are just... funny.

Sick.

Yeah, sick as in awkward.

Well, I gotta get back to my set.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. For sure.

- How do you do that? - What?

The confidence thing.

Looks like you got it pretty figured out.

Yeah, not really.

No, I get it.

You know, I wasn't always...

like this.

I used to like dark crap,

weird fashion, medieval troubadour music.

I hated my acne scars.

One day I decided,

every mirror I find, I'm just gonna stay there.

Until I like what I see.

And the secret is, mirrors only reflect back 85 percent of what's there.

The other 15, what other people see,

that's where your true beauty is.

So, you just gotta round up.

You're... you're deep, Ice.

Never change.

I don't plan to.

Cinnamon rolls! Get in my belly!

Hold on, let me get a picture.

Noted.

Hey.

- Can I have some? - Yeah.

Exquisite.

You have a refined palate, m'lady.

And you really like CinnamonRolls.

I love CinnamonRolls. So much.

- I'm drunk. - Me too.

Are you also drowning out your sorrows?

Nah, I just like drinking.

I really wanted to kiss a girl for the first time.

I mean, maybe make that a...

awkward non-fight with my mom

actually based on something and not theoretical.

You know?

I've never kissed a girl.

- Do you want to? - Yeah.

I don't think I should.

Damn it.

God. I'm kissing Val.

Way to be a good friend, Camille.

No, this barely even counts. It's, like, missing something.

An electricity.

Maybe I need to kiss someone who makes kissing feel electric.

This feels like a static shock at best.

Yeah.

I think I'm straight.

Can I have that back?

Thanks.

Nope.

Done.

And everything is just...

perfect.

And wow. Almost done.

Back in the groove.

Remember that poll we did the other day?

- Yes, you do, we were in the same room. - Look, she made a real one.

I got it.

Hey, what's going on?

- What's with the face? - Just... leave me alone, Camille.

My God.

My God.

- It's pretty good, right? - Yeah, it is.

Take it down, Pete.

Why? It's no shade. It's empowering.

It's like slut positivity.

Right, Camille?

It was just kissing.

You're an asshole.

Relax.

What are you gonna do? Nothing, it's funny.

Liam, hey, can we talk?

Val, Camille? Really? Did you know I liked her?

Or were you just too absorbed in yourself

to even listen when I told you?

Because I genuinely don't know which one is worse.

Liam, I was drunk.

I was completing the list.

- I need to complete the list... - No, you don't! Face it.

It was never about proving you're a good kisser.

It was tryouts,

a casting call for you to decide your significant other,

how'd that work out for you?

All right, look, I'm sorry about Val, okay?

But she's CinnamonRolls.

- God! I'm CinnamonRolls, dude! - You can't call dibs on people...

Wait,

- you're CinnamonRolls? - Yeah...

I'm CinnamonRolls.

Val sent me that picture so I could post it.

So, wait, why did you reply yes to Pete's story then?

I don't know, I just, I thought you needed it.

I don't need you to be my self-esteem, Liam.

- Don't you? - No.

You know what? Great. I'm done,

I'm done being your self-esteem.

Now get your own.

Mom! Mom!

Hey.

Triple feature and no date?

Not this time.

No Liam either?

See you in six, seven hours.

Hey!

I just got off.

Do you mind if I join you?

Sure. Two to go.

I've never actually done a double feature much less a triple feature.

You do that a lot?

Only when I need it.

So, what's up?

Are you becoming your truest self?

No!

I think I'm doomed to be who I am.

Is that really such a bad thing, though?

It is if you're me.

I really just don't think you're as lame as you think you are.

I mean, that other night at the pool, I mean,

that was like the most fun I've had in a while.

Hear me out, what if the person you're trying to be

and the person who you really are...

What if they're the same person?

- Hang on. - What?

There's a vicious ladybug moving in right for the kill.

You flicked a ladybug?

Hey, I'm an equal opportunity bug flicker.

- Lord or Lady, I don't discriminate. - Or something in between, I say.

Right. Right?

What?

Damn it.

Okay, I'm no... No, I'm so sorry. I...

No, I'm totally fine.

I just I misread the situation and it's like 1000 percent no worries.

I mean, I've had a lovely time, I just I like somebody else, you know?

Yeah,

I don't know, it's weird.

I feel like I have, like, zero chance.

And if I do have a chance, might be for the wrong reasons.

Okay, so, been there.

Well, she's lesbian.

Alejandra?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know, she's like, I want her to want me, but...

I'm not a girl, and I don't want her to see me as a girl, but...

I don't know, it's just stupid.

I don't think that's stupid.

All right. Well...

I'm pretty close, so I guess I'll just...

walk the rest of the way.

- You sure? - Yeah.

Okay.

I think I should find that ladybug.

No, not today, Satan.

Nope, with a capital "N" and a capital "OPE."

No! No! No! No! No!

So you and Raelynn?

Yeah, we just keep doing this thing, breaking up.

Getting back together.

Having really mind blowing makeup sex.

Yeah, and the way that she just went along with Pete,

I wasn't vibing.

She's toxic.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah, and can I say something, like...

I know Pete says it as a joke, but I am all for it.

The whole free sexuality thing.

It really was just kissing.

Yeah, I'd love to be some devil may care bisexual floozy,

but it's just not in my wiring.

Yeah, just kissing a person.

Do I mean anything to you?

What?

Sorry, I'm just, I'm trying to understand what this is.

I don't know. Do we have to define it?

I just have fun with you.

Why?

Because you're fun.

- A little bit crazy. - Stop! Stop!

- What's your deal? - Stop!

I can't believe I did this again.

Rolling the window down, really?

I heard you car-washed Dylan.

Yeah, he was getting a little handsy.

He deserves it.

By the way...

I'm flattered I made your list.

You kind of put yourself on it by answering Pete's poll.

Ended up being crap anyway.

I was low key just hoping I'd come out of it with a love story.

How pathetic is that?

Not that much.

Everybody low key wants to fall in love.

Camille, Brady!

- Hey! - Hey!

You know what? You're right, this is a happy place.

I told you!

Anything catch your eye?

Yeah! You know what?

I'm really considering

getting a opuntia microdasys.

Cute.

You know, it kinda reminds me of these little bunny vibrators?

Hey!

I owe you an apology.

For what?

For being insecure about us.

No. You...

You have nothing to be sorry about.

Actually,

now that were being real, I...

kind of like someone else.

- They, actually. - Mason?

Okay, and I'm supposed to, like, only like girls,

but you know what, they're not a boy,

so maybe I'm a non-boy lesbian.

I don't know. What are you, the gay police?

No, I'm not.

I actually think you should ask them out.

- You think so? - Trust me.

Okay.

How?

How?

What, you've never asked someone out before?

I don't know, "Hey, you wanna hang out?"

Wanna kick it? Wanna hang?

No.

Okay, girls usually just come up to me, so...

- Okay. Okay. - You know.

I don't know, what's...

What's something you wanna do that you haven't done,

because you don't wanna do it alone?

There's this bromeliad at the Botanical Gardens

called the Puya Raimondii.

It's the Queen of the Andes, and it blooms like every 80 years,

and the blooming windows almost over, so...

That's perfect then. Yeah, here's what you're gonna do.

Just go to the movie theatre because that's where they work.

Are you still hungry?

I can make your favorite.

Matar paneer or aloo parathas.

- No, I'm good. - It'll only take a few minutes.

No, Mom!

You know that's literally your answer to everything, right?

Okay, then, I'll never give you food, I'll never feed you,

you can cook for yourself. You can unclog your own toilet.

Matlabi.

Whatever, I'm matlabi.

Can you please leave now?

Is everything all right?

Why hasn't Liam come over?

Mom, I messed up with him. Big time.

Okay.

See, the same thing happened with me and your father.

We were close friends.

Then I started developing feelings, and...

he didn't know it at first, but then he realized he was in love with me too.

What? No! Mom! I didn't fall in love with him.

We're best friends.

Then what are you worried about?

You have it easy. Best friends always get back together.

See? I understand you better than you think.

So then why don't you understand that I like boys and girls?

Honey, I'm trying.

I just need time.

Have some kachori. Come on.

I'll show you how to serve it.

Okay. Last try.

I feel like I've been apologizing a lot lately.

Well, you kinda have been a bi... shops hat, see it?

It's funny, right? Come on.

Stop. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I kissed Val,

but I'm, I'm more sorry that I took you for granted.

You've been the best recently, and I wasn't the same for you.

Thank you.

But I'm here now, and I'm ready to be better.

So lay it on me.

Just...

It really got to me, you know, like...

I was literally hitting on Val right before you,

and she turned me down.

It's like, why do I even try?

Yeah. Yeah, I kind of know exactly what that feels like.

Hey, don't worry, okay?

- It'll... - Happen someday.

There's always someday, right?

I want it to happen now, is that wrong?

I feel like I have this version of myself in my head,

where I'm like confident and funny,

but then in real life, it never happens like that.

Maybe I'll always just be this...

insecure, cringey guy.

You're not, though. You are funny and confident.

Maybe you don't see it, because you're you, but other people do.

Then why hasn't it happened yet?

Okay, so what do you want?

Someone to fall in love with you?

Well, I mean, for starters, that would be nice, yeah.

Yeah?

You want, you want someone to tell you what you're worth?

You want some lame confession of love?

All right. Let's go.

I love you, Liam.

- No, you don't. Stop. - No, I do.

I'm secretly in love with you.

You know, when others make a joke, and I laugh to be polite

or because others are laughing.

You make me actually laugh, dude.

Like ugly laugh.

Like, the other day, I farted laughing.

And you're funny without being mean, which not a lot of people can do.

Well, guess what?

I'm in love with you too.

- No. - No. Yeah, I am.

You are the only cool person I know.

No, not the coolest person. But the only cool person.

And I love that you mouth the words to songs you don't even know,

and you act like you know them.

Well, I love that you have a CinnamonRolls fan account.

- It's so random. - They're delicious.

Delicious! And it's about time someone did them justice!

Well, I love that you buy books and you don't even read them.

Like, when are we ever gonna read "Infinite Jest?"

- Never! - Never!

And you're the type of person that if somebody's telling a story

and nobody's paying attention,

you turn to look at them to show that you're listening.

You just want to make everybody feel heard.

You make me feel heard.

I love that about you.

Well, I love that you...

You realized your life can be better

and instead of just feeling sorry about yourself,

like anybody else does,

you decided to actually do something about it.

- I love you, Camille. - I love you, Liam.

No. I...

You're so stupid.

No, but, for real though.

Me too.

I'm your best friend, I love you more than anybody.

Hey, is this supposed to be blooming or something?

No, we totally missed it. Only happens, like, every 80 years.

We'll be here for the next one.

Yeah.

How's the old Kiss List going?

Yeah, it was crap.

They're looking at it.

Yo, Ice!

- Hey, Liam. - Hey.

So I added you on AstroSigner, and I noticed that,

your Venus is in Aries and mine is in Libra.

So we're very sexually compatible.

Do you maybe wanna go somewhere less crowded?

As long as it's in the stars.

Sorry, Pete!

Release the Kraken!

Attaboy, Liam!

Okay, so I did some really embarrassing things.

I also did some good. Like getting those two together.

Now that is just one worthy kiss.

But mostly, yeah, I made some mistakes.

You know what? I'm probably gonna make a lot more.

Just like the one that she's making right now.

I love you.

I guess the question is, am I okay with that?

Am I okay with putting myself out there?

Am I okay with just being me?

So, do I like the person I see in the mirror now?