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1
00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:13,878
Hey.
Hey.
2
00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,681
Why are you
all dressed up?
3
00:00:16,682 --> 00:00:19,634
Well, you told me Carrie got us
into her company skybox.
4
00:00:19,635 --> 00:00:20,902
Yeah, but it's still
a Mets game.
5
00:00:20,903 --> 00:00:22,888
Why are you going
all Cliff Huxtable on me?
6
00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:25,056
I've never been in the really
fancy seats before,
7
00:00:25,057 --> 00:00:26,224
and I'm a little excited.
8
00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:27,625
If I can make
your dream come true
9
00:00:27,626 --> 00:00:29,527
and make us even
for breaking your drill,
10
00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:31,012
then that's all that matters.
11
00:00:31,013 --> 00:00:32,480
You told me you were
gonna pay for that.
12
00:00:32,481 --> 00:00:34,248
And I am, with the magic
of Shea Stadium.
13
00:00:34,249 --> 00:00:35,317
Oh, man.
14
00:00:35,318 --> 00:00:36,384
Well, I guess it's better
15
00:00:36,385 --> 00:00:37,686
than when you lost my cell phone
16
00:00:37,687 --> 00:00:39,554
and paid me back
with the magic of a song
17
00:00:39,555 --> 00:00:41,690
written personally for me.
Okay,
18
00:00:41,691 --> 00:00:44,342
you didn't like
"Get Your Freak On, Deac-on"?
19
00:00:46,295 --> 00:00:47,662
All right.
20
00:00:47,663 --> 00:00:49,781
We should get going.
Where's Spence?
21
00:00:49,782 --> 00:00:51,649
Oh, he's, uh,
gonna meet us there.
22
00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:53,685
He's getting his mom
into a tub or out of a tub.
23
00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:56,004
I don't know.
I shut down pretty quick.
24
00:00:56,005 --> 00:00:57,372
Thanks for the tickets, Carrie.
25
00:00:57,373 --> 00:00:59,841
Yeah, listen, I'm schmoozing
a very big client tonight,
26
00:00:59,842 --> 00:01:01,943
so if you wanna show
your appreciation,
27
00:01:01,944 --> 00:01:03,845
you keep this one
from embarrassing me.
28
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:05,113
Whoa.
29
00:01:05,114 --> 00:01:07,082
I didn't shave the Mets logo
into my chest hair
30
00:01:07,083 --> 00:01:08,416
just for you to enjoy.
31
00:01:08,417 --> 00:01:09,517
It's for everyone.
32
00:01:09,518 --> 00:01:11,770
All right.
Come on.
33
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,290
Here you go.
34
00:01:49,291 --> 00:01:51,292
One martini,
extra dry.
35
00:01:51,293 --> 00:01:53,011
Thank you, Carrie.
Oh, no problem,
36
00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:55,313
and if you're hungry, they have
a great spread over there.
37
00:01:55,314 --> 00:01:57,649
They have, uh, mini-quiche,
stuffed mushrooms,
38
00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,051
and if you like living
on the edge, ballpark sushi.
39
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,471
Carrie, I truly like getting
my ass kissed,
40
00:02:03,472 --> 00:02:06,525
but it's a nine-inning game,
so pace yourself.
41
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:08,259
Yeah.
44
00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:13,781
all sucking up aside,
I really admire
45
00:02:13,782 --> 00:02:15,350
what you've done
with your company.
46
00:02:15,351 --> 00:02:17,518
You've built some
of the most beautiful hotels
47
00:02:17,519 --> 00:02:19,621
that I can never afford
to stay in.
48
00:02:20,839 --> 00:02:23,408
Real-estate development is still
a boys' club,
49
00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:25,377
but I'm always looking
for a talented woman
50
00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:27,012
to take under my wing.
51
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,613
Really? That's funny,
52
00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:31,766
because I'm actually
between wings right now.
53
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:34,436
Oh, excuse me.
Yeah.
54
00:02:34,437 --> 00:02:35,736
Joyce Robbins.
55
00:02:35,737 --> 00:02:37,606
Oh, I-I have to take this.
Okay,
56
00:02:37,607 --> 00:02:39,591
I just want to find my husband.
I want you to meet him.
57
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:41,493
Where is he?
What?!
58
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:44,629
No, those tenants were supposed
to be out by Monday.
59
00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:45,696
What?!
60
00:02:45,697 --> 00:02:47,432
Oh, you're breaking up.
61
00:02:51,387 --> 00:02:52,988
You put mayo on a hot dog?
62
00:02:52,989 --> 00:02:54,322
That's right, my friend.
63
00:02:54,323 --> 00:02:56,958
And one day,
so will all of America.
64
00:03:03,382 --> 00:03:05,050
Excuse me.
65
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:06,284
Come on, man,
let's move.
66
00:03:06,285 --> 00:03:08,386
Yeah, I can't.
There's a lot of people.
67
00:03:08,387 --> 00:03:11,372
Oh, God. You know what?
This ain't working.
68
00:03:11,373 --> 00:03:14,559
I'm just gonna crouch and eat.
Whoa, whoa. Come on, man.
69
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,461
You're better than this.
70
00:03:16,462 --> 00:03:18,396
Come on.
It's not that far.
71
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,151
It's called turning off
the water.
72
00:03:23,152 --> 00:03:24,385
Excuse me.
73
00:03:24,386 --> 00:03:26,287
Read me exactly
what the court order says.
74
00:03:26,288 --> 00:03:27,688
Excuse me,
I just can't, uh...
75
00:03:27,689 --> 00:03:29,274
No, I can't hear you.
76
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,026
What? Wait-
77
00:03:31,027 --> 00:03:32,777
Ugh!
78
00:03:32,778 --> 00:03:34,462
Oh!
79
00:03:34,463 --> 00:03:35,797
Do you see what you did?
80
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,799
I'm very sorry. I just-
I couldn't get by you.
81
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:41,953
Well, a person with manners
would have waited.
82
00:03:41,954 --> 00:03:42,754
That's a good point.
83
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,389
You know
what another good point is?
84
00:03:50,646 --> 00:03:52,446
Oh, where you going?
Where am I going?
85
00:03:52,447 --> 00:03:55,850
I gotta rebuild.
Aw, unbelievable.
86
00:03:55,851 --> 00:03:59,721
Oh, this big oaf got mayonnaise
and relish all over me.
87
00:03:59,722 --> 00:04:03,925
I mean, who puts mayonnaise
on a hot dog?
88
00:04:04,926 --> 00:04:06,126
Oh.
89
00:04:08,364 --> 00:04:11,466
This is an $800
Giuseppe Graziano,
90
00:04:11,467 --> 00:04:13,200
and now it's ruined.
91
00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:15,820
I could just kill
that fat idiot.
92
00:04:15,821 --> 00:04:17,155
Hey,
93
00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:18,773
there's the girl.
94
00:04:18,774 --> 00:04:20,475
Oh. Is this your husband?
95
00:04:20,476 --> 00:04:24,262
Uh... yes! Yes, it is!
Oh.
96
00:04:24,263 --> 00:04:26,297
Hey, honey. Heh.
97
00:04:26,298 --> 00:04:27,766
Work with me, okay?
98
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,601
Um, Doug,
this is Joyce Robbins.
99
00:04:30,602 --> 00:04:32,003
Hello.
100
00:04:32,004 --> 00:04:34,072
Very nice to meet you.
Why don't you get acquainted?
101
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,823
I'm gonna report
that guy to Security.
102
00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:37,976
I'm gonna suggest
they TASER him.
103
00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:39,177
Great.
104
00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:45,066
Is that a Giuseppe Graziano?
105
00:04:48,103 --> 00:04:49,637
Turn it around.
What?
106
00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:51,690
Yeah, that's right.
That was my client!
107
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:52,723
Who?
The woman you got
108
00:04:52,724 --> 00:04:55,160
your disgusting hot dog
all over.
109
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:57,445
How 'bout she got herself
all over my hot dog, huh?
110
00:04:57,446 --> 00:04:59,364
That's right!
I said it!
111
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:01,666
Doug, you are not going
in that box.
112
00:05:01,667 --> 00:05:03,268
So go watch the game
somewhere else.
113
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:04,669
Both of you, out!
114
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:05,703
What did I do?
115
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:07,705
This happened on your watch.
116
00:05:07,706 --> 00:05:09,073
Now, out!
117
00:05:09,074 --> 00:05:11,626
Damn!
118
00:05:14,130 --> 00:05:16,264
Okay, the roast is
in the oven.
119
00:05:16,265 --> 00:05:18,199
The sangria is chilling.
120
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,367
I just think
it is so cute
121
00:05:19,368 --> 00:05:21,019
you're throwing
this dinner party.
122
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,271
Then why are you trying
to ruin it?!
123
00:05:23,272 --> 00:05:24,973
What? What did I do?
124
00:05:24,974 --> 00:05:27,141
These seating arrangements.
What were you thinking?
125
00:05:27,142 --> 00:05:29,093
What's wrong with them?
Well, for one thing,
126
00:05:29,094 --> 00:05:31,279
you've got Lou Ferrigno
sitting next to his wife.
127
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:34,032
You never sit spouses
next to each other!
128
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:36,701
Well, I told you,
I've never done this before.
129
00:05:36,702 --> 00:05:38,820
That's all right!
Don't cry again.
130
00:05:38,821 --> 00:05:41,705
See, I'll put Mrs. Ferrigno
next to...
131
00:05:41,706 --> 00:05:45,143
Roberto, the bag boy
from Waldbaum's.
132
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:47,678
The sexual tension
will be like rocket fuel
133
00:05:47,679 --> 00:05:50,081
for the party.
134
00:05:50,082 --> 00:05:53,334
I thought that was
what the brownies were for.
135
00:05:53,335 --> 00:05:55,453
Actually, no,
I decided against those.
136
00:05:55,454 --> 00:05:58,957
Ferrigno tends
to get pretty paranoid.
137
00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,075
You put a lot of thought
into your dinner parties.
138
00:06:01,076 --> 00:06:04,579
I have to. I'm host.
I'm chef. I'm jester.
139
00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:06,815
Everything depends on me.
140
00:06:06,816 --> 00:06:08,816
Well, I'm sure it's gonna
work out just fine.
141
00:06:08,817 --> 00:06:10,134
Oh! I should take
this one away.
142
00:06:10,135 --> 00:06:12,270
Dr. Feldman called
and said he can't make it.
143
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:13,404
What?
144
00:06:13,405 --> 00:06:14,922
He said he wouldn't
feel comfortable
145
00:06:14,923 --> 00:06:18,943
coming to the party,
seeing as how you're suing him.
146
00:06:18,944 --> 00:06:21,279
That's a separate issue.
147
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:22,863
Oh, my God.
What are we gonna do?
148
00:06:22,864 --> 00:06:26,133
An odd number of guests
is dinner-party suicide.
149
00:06:26,134 --> 00:06:27,835
Well, don't you know
anyone else?
150
00:06:27,836 --> 00:06:29,504
No. Do you?
151
00:06:29,505 --> 00:06:31,072
Yeah, I-
I know some people.
152
00:06:31,073 --> 00:06:32,841
Then get someone.
153
00:06:32,842 --> 00:06:34,809
Preferably a urologist.
154
00:06:45,087 --> 00:06:46,571
Hey, how 'bout
those two down there?
155
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:47,889
Those look pretty sweet.
156
00:06:47,890 --> 00:06:49,857
Yeah, they are pretty sweet,
but...
157
00:06:49,858 --> 00:06:52,527
I'm not sure we can
get past the bacon.
158
00:06:52,528 --> 00:06:53,711
Just go.
159
00:06:57,516 --> 00:06:59,483
What's up, man?
What's up, baby?
160
00:06:59,484 --> 00:07:01,286
You doing all right?
Ha, ha, ha!
161
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:04,923
Alrighty.
Ah! Good old 11 and 12.
162
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,657
Ah.
Ah, feels good.
163
00:07:06,658 --> 00:07:07,959
Oh, yeah.
164
00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:11,862
Hey, uh, I think
you're in our seats.
165
00:07:11,863 --> 00:07:13,164
Huh?
Yeah.
166
00:07:13,165 --> 00:07:15,799
Oh, um... my God.
167
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,302
Is this field box J?
168
00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:19,703
Oh, my God.
Is this third base?
169
00:07:19,704 --> 00:07:21,905
I am all turned around.
This is third base.
170
00:07:21,906 --> 00:07:24,058
Ah, man. My bad.
171
00:07:24,059 --> 00:07:25,209
Sorry about that.
172
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:26,511
It's crazy.
173
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:28,746
I'm losing it!
Losing it! Hey!
174
00:07:28,747 --> 00:07:30,882
Ah. All right. Let's just go
to the upper deck.
175
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:32,216
Upper deck!? Fine.
176
00:07:32,217 --> 00:07:34,819
Now you're back to owing me
for breaking my power drill.
177
00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:36,287
Come on, man.
178
00:07:36,288 --> 00:07:37,989
We'll find some seats
down here, okay?
179
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:38,990
What were you doing
180
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:41,459
trying to drill
through concrete anyway?
181
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,695
Okay, I had a power drill
and a few Heinekens.
182
00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:45,262
You do the math.
183
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,033
Look, down here.
Come on.
184
00:07:51,236 --> 00:07:53,270
All right.
Okay. Here we go.
185
00:07:55,474 --> 00:07:56,741
Oh, yeah.
186
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:58,409
Oh, these are really sweet.
Yeah.
187
00:07:58,410 --> 00:07:59,443
Whoo!
188
00:07:59,444 --> 00:08:00,945
Hey, hey, Beltran's up.
189
00:08:00,946 --> 00:08:02,964
Hey, come on, Carlos! Hey!
190
00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:04,165
Come on, C-dog!
191
00:08:04,166 --> 00:08:05,900
C- dog, a little big one, baby!
192
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:07,235
Whoo!
Yeah.
193
00:08:17,546 --> 00:08:19,414
Someone's throwing
baby carrots at me.
194
00:08:23,652 --> 00:08:26,671
That's funny,
but we're done now.
195
00:08:33,545 --> 00:08:35,213
Okay, that's it.
Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am!
196
00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:36,280
Hold on a sec.
What is it?
197
00:08:36,281 --> 00:08:37,315
I'll tell you what it is.
198
00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:39,183
Your son is throwing carrots
at me, okay?
199
00:08:39,184 --> 00:08:40,585
Brandon! Enough!
Control him.
200
00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:42,587
Take a time-out
or something.
201
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,088
I'm sorry, Tina.
202
00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:46,957
Oh, Brandon is throwing carrots
at some man...
203
00:08:46,958 --> 00:08:49,560
who, by the way,
could stand to eat a few.
204
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:57,568
So last Valentine's Day,
I come home,
205
00:08:57,569 --> 00:09:00,471
Carrie's got the entire place
covered in rose petals.
206
00:09:00,472 --> 00:09:01,572
You remember that?
207
00:09:01,573 --> 00:09:03,474
Ah, I think I would.
208
00:09:03,475 --> 00:09:04,609
I did do it.
209
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,744
Mmm. And you know
what the best part was?
210
00:09:06,745 --> 00:09:08,012
They were silk petals
211
00:09:08,013 --> 00:09:10,365
because she knows
that I'm allergic to pollen.
212
00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:11,666
Oh, yeah,
he is.
213
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:13,668
If you can imagine,
that head gets even bigger.
214
00:09:15,170 --> 00:09:16,904
Stop! Ha, ha, ha!
215
00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:21,509
I have to say,
for people married 10 years,
216
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:24,045
you seem like newlyweds.
Oh,
217
00:09:24,046 --> 00:09:25,612
this one keeps
the marriage fresh.
218
00:09:25,613 --> 00:09:28,216
You should see what she does
for my Dark Shadows conventions.
219
00:09:28,217 --> 00:09:31,636
Does this whole
hot-vampire-chick thing
220
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:33,938
with like a sequined
black bustier and...
221
00:09:33,939 --> 00:09:36,524
motorcycle boots...
222
00:09:37,426 --> 00:09:39,293
crimson lipstick.
223
00:09:39,294 --> 00:09:40,395
Whew!
224
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:41,729
Excuse me.
225
00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:43,281
Joyce Robbins.
226
00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:46,233
One second.
One second. Heh.
227
00:09:46,234 --> 00:09:48,119
All right. What's with
all this vampire talk?
228
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,038
And why do you have me
in a bustier?
229
00:09:50,039 --> 00:09:52,139
I'm sorry. I went
to a very private place.
230
00:09:52,140 --> 00:09:53,241
Listen,
231
00:09:53,242 --> 00:09:55,426
we only have to get
through one ball game
232
00:09:55,427 --> 00:09:56,777
as husband and wife, okay?
233
00:09:56,778 --> 00:09:58,479
So just stop talking so much,
you freak.
234
00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,497
This-
235
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:01,499
This whole thing is crazy.
236
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,968
Yeah, well, you can blame
your friend Doug for that, okay,
237
00:10:03,969 --> 00:10:06,170
and his disgusting love
of mayonnaise.
238
00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:07,505
She's coming back.
239
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:10,842
Okay. Would you mind
getting me another martini?
240
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:11,992
I did get a limo
for the night,
241
00:10:11,993 --> 00:10:13,828
so I might as well
take advantage of it.
242
00:10:13,829 --> 00:10:14,912
Sure. No problem.
243
00:10:14,913 --> 00:10:17,348
Mmm. And, uh, sugar?
Yeah, hon?
244
00:10:17,349 --> 00:10:20,084
Could you get me
another Sauvignon Blanc,
245
00:10:20,085 --> 00:10:21,903
maybe something
from New Zealand?
246
00:10:21,904 --> 00:10:23,688
Oh, think you should have
another drink?
247
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,907
Oh, it got me
through the first 10 years.
248
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,227
I must say
you're the last person
249
00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:32,697
I would ever have imagined
was a truck driver.
250
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,464
Needless to say,
I get that a lot.
251
00:10:34,465 --> 00:10:36,183
Mmm. I mean,
you know about wine.
252
00:10:36,184 --> 00:10:38,619
You're
a Revolutionary War buff.
253
00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:41,772
I've always been drawn
to a man of varied interests.
254
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:53,934
Hey, Car...
Hey, uh, listen, Spence,
255
00:10:53,935 --> 00:10:55,553
I'm sorry
I snapped at you.
256
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,037
I really appreciate
you doing this,
257
00:10:57,038 --> 00:10:58,872
and, uh, I think
she's really liking you.
258
00:10:58,873 --> 00:11:00,224
Yeah,
I think so.
259
00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:03,528
She just invited me down
to her limo to have a drink.
260
00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:05,429
What? She hit on you?
261
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:07,365
What is she doing hitting
on my husband?
262
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:09,016
She said I looked tense
263
00:11:09,017 --> 00:11:12,537
and it seemed like I was trapped
in a loveless marriage.
264
00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:15,289
What!? We're like
freakin' newlyweds!
265
00:11:15,290 --> 00:11:17,090
We're not actually married-
266
00:11:17,091 --> 00:11:19,126
Shut up.
Yes, dear.
267
00:11:19,127 --> 00:11:20,644
Uh, excuse me,
Miss Robbins-
268
00:11:20,645 --> 00:11:23,414
Oh, Carrie, I want to talk
to you about something.
269
00:11:23,415 --> 00:11:24,432
Yeah, I want to talk to you
270
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:27,168
about a little
something-something too.
271
00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:28,669
I have a rather big favor
to ask.
272
00:11:28,670 --> 00:11:30,922
It involves sending you
out of town.
273
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:32,506
Oh, you wanna send me
outta town, do ya?
274
00:11:32,507 --> 00:11:33,758
Uh-huh.
275
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:35,176
And it would be right away.
276
00:11:35,177 --> 00:11:37,095
And where do you wanna
send me right away?
277
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,763
The Bahamas.
278
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:39,564
Really?
279
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,432
Mmm.
280
00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:44,151
Yes. We're opening
a 5-star resort down there,
281
00:11:44,152 --> 00:11:46,220
and I'd love you
to be my eyes and ears,
282
00:11:46,221 --> 00:11:49,107
you know, check out the spa,
the restaurants, the shops.
283
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:51,275
All expenses paid,
of course.
284
00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:53,327
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
285
00:11:53,328 --> 00:11:56,096
Oh, Carrie, it- It would
really help me out a lot.
286
00:11:56,097 --> 00:11:58,599
I mean, assuming
your husband could...
287
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,100
spare you.
288
00:12:01,670 --> 00:12:03,504
What husband?
You know what I'm saying?
289
00:12:09,678 --> 00:12:14,515
And that's why the Dutch
both delight and repulse me.
290
00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:18,136
May I make a toast
to our host Arthur.
291
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:21,371
Thank you, Louis.
I have a toast of my own.
292
00:12:21,372 --> 00:12:22,606
But I'll save it
293
00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:25,843
for when we gentlemen
have our cigars and brandy
294
00:12:25,844 --> 00:12:27,845
out on the driveway, uh?
295
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:31,665
And, Arthur, I just wanna
thank you for having me
296
00:12:31,666 --> 00:12:33,166
and my Uncle Bernard
here tonight.
297
00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:34,334
Ah, yes, Bernard.
298
00:12:34,335 --> 00:12:36,937
Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
299
00:12:36,938 --> 00:12:38,739
Holly tells me you're-?
You're retired?
300
00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:43,911
Yes, yes. I...
I cut hair for 45 years.
301
00:12:43,912 --> 00:12:47,247
Well, we're all going to have
to hear more about that.
302
00:12:50,752 --> 00:12:52,503
When are we gonna eat?
I gotta take my pills.
303
00:12:52,504 --> 00:12:55,256
In good time, George!
304
00:12:55,257 --> 00:12:56,891
Oh, Arthur made
a lovely roast.
305
00:12:56,892 --> 00:12:58,359
And thank you, Roberto,
for giving me
306
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,061
the five-fingered discount
on the potatoes.
307
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,615
I never knew
you could cook, Arthur.
308
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:05,933
Oh, yes.
309
00:13:05,934 --> 00:13:07,868
I remember the first thing
I ever made.
310
00:13:07,869 --> 00:13:11,839
It was a fried
bologna sandwich.
311
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,108
That was Elvis' favorite snack.
312
00:13:14,109 --> 00:13:15,409
Ah.
Oh.
313
00:13:15,410 --> 00:13:16,977
I'm not saying he stole
the idea from me,
314
00:13:16,978 --> 00:13:18,279
but, uh, you do the math.
315
00:13:20,616 --> 00:13:22,616
Actually, Elvis' favorite snack
316
00:13:22,617 --> 00:13:25,953
was a fried peanut butter
and banana sandwich.
317
00:13:25,954 --> 00:13:27,788
Oh.
Wow.
318
00:13:27,789 --> 00:13:29,156
I'm sorry,
but how would a barber
319
00:13:29,157 --> 00:13:32,426
know what Elvis'
favorite snack was?
320
00:13:32,427 --> 00:13:34,679
I used to cut his hair.
321
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:35,812
You jiving me?
322
00:13:36,748 --> 00:13:38,382
No- No, no, it's true.
323
00:13:38,383 --> 00:13:40,351
He was the hairdresser
on The Ed Sullivan Show
324
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:41,585
for years.
325
00:13:41,586 --> 00:13:43,354
You mean,
you really knew Elvis?
326
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:44,638
Oh, I knew 'em all.
327
00:13:44,639 --> 00:13:46,390
Kate Smith,
328
00:13:46,391 --> 00:13:47,975
Alan King,
329
00:13:47,976 --> 00:13:49,109
Elizabeth Taylor.
330
00:13:49,110 --> 00:13:52,280
She was even more beautiful
in person.
331
00:13:52,281 --> 00:13:53,847
One time I said to her,
332
00:13:53,848 --> 00:13:57,735
"Liz, if I ever turn straight,
watch out!"
333
00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:01,922
Anyway, that's all
well and good.
334
00:14:01,923 --> 00:14:03,591
Getting back
to the proper way
335
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:06,494
to make a fried
bologna sandwich-
336
00:14:06,495 --> 00:14:07,795
Did you know
The Beatles too?
337
00:14:07,796 --> 00:14:09,497
Oh, sure.
You knew The Beatles?
338
00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:12,099
I- I gotta say
my favorite was Ringo.
339
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,969
He- He was a real sweet-
As a matter of fact,
340
00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:16,920
he gave me this, uh-
This money clip.
341
00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:18,055
Oh, wow.
342
00:14:18,056 --> 00:14:20,558
Ay, que bonito.
343
00:14:25,681 --> 00:14:27,298
Yeah! Ha, ha, ha.
344
00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:30,000
What's the matter?
345
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:32,035
Now he's making faces
at me.
346
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,022
You keep making faces
like that,
347
00:14:35,023 --> 00:14:36,423
your face is gonna stay
that way.
348
00:14:36,424 --> 00:14:38,442
That's right. Trust me.
Happened to my cousin.
349
00:14:38,443 --> 00:14:40,744
Um, sir, would you please
stop bothering my son?
350
00:14:40,745 --> 00:14:43,447
Uh, he is bothering me.
351
00:14:43,448 --> 00:14:44,999
Are you even supposed
to be sitting there?
352
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,202
I happen to know that those
are Dr. Epstein's seats.
353
00:14:48,203 --> 00:14:50,905
Uh, I think Uncle Eppie is okay
with us sitting here.
354
00:14:50,906 --> 00:14:52,707
Yeah.
355
00:15:07,389 --> 00:15:09,757
It's mine now! Yeah!
356
00:15:09,758 --> 00:15:13,277
What's up? What's the matter,
four-eyes? Yeah!
357
00:15:13,278 --> 00:15:14,979
He took my ball!
358
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:17,347
What is wrong
with you?!
359
00:15:17,348 --> 00:15:19,450
He's just a boy.
360
00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:27,190
Hey, honey,
how's the big game going?
361
00:15:28,259 --> 00:15:29,793
How did it go?
Did you tell her off?
362
00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:31,912
Uh, not exactly.
Um...
363
00:15:31,913 --> 00:15:35,282
here's what we're gonna do,
okay?
364
00:15:35,283 --> 00:15:38,085
You're gonna go
down to her limo with her,
365
00:15:38,086 --> 00:15:39,920
and I'm gonna go
to the Bahamas.
366
00:15:41,322 --> 00:15:42,957
What!?
367
00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:45,859
Yeah. Apparently,
she likes you so much
368
00:15:45,860 --> 00:15:47,761
that she's willing
to give me a free vacation
369
00:15:47,762 --> 00:15:49,347
just to get rid of me!
370
00:15:49,348 --> 00:15:50,213
Wait a minute.
371
00:15:50,214 --> 00:15:51,715
A second ago,
you were so insulted.
372
00:15:51,716 --> 00:15:53,383
Now you're gonna pimp out
your husband
373
00:15:53,384 --> 00:15:54,985
so you can lie
in the sun.
374
00:15:57,138 --> 00:15:59,440
Yeah.
375
00:15:59,441 --> 00:16:02,777
So you really want me to go down
and have sex with her?
376
00:16:02,778 --> 00:16:05,379
I'm not gonna micromanage
what you do down there.
377
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,835
Isn't she a little
too old for me?
378
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:12,619
She looks 45, tops.
379
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:15,889
I don't know.
It just doesn't feel right.
380
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:17,457
Let me go about this
a different way.
381
00:16:17,458 --> 00:16:19,543
Who's your favorite character
on Star Trek?
382
00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:22,213
Squire of Gothos.
383
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:25,332
Okay. I was thinking more like
the Captain Kirk guy.
384
00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:26,667
Oh, yeah.
385
00:16:26,668 --> 00:16:29,002
Okay. Now, when he beams
down on a new planet
386
00:16:29,003 --> 00:16:30,871
and he meets
a half-fish green girl,
387
00:16:30,872 --> 00:16:33,139
does he say, "Oh,
this doesn't feel right"?
388
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:35,442
No, he takes her behind a rock
and he does his business.
389
00:16:35,443 --> 00:16:36,710
Am I right?
390
00:16:40,364 --> 00:16:43,033
Technically, that would violate
the Prime Directive-
391
00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:44,801
Spence, please.
392
00:16:44,802 --> 00:16:46,937
All right, all right!
393
00:17:18,636 --> 00:17:21,004
Damn, I got goosebumps.
394
00:17:21,005 --> 00:17:22,690
Where'd you learn
to play like that?
395
00:17:22,691 --> 00:17:24,274
Listen, when you're gay,
396
00:17:24,275 --> 00:17:25,642
you're born knowing
how to play
397
00:17:25,643 --> 00:17:27,344
at least three show tunes.
398
00:17:30,481 --> 00:17:32,533
Come on, everybody.
399
00:17:42,827 --> 00:17:45,228
Arthur,
what a great party.
400
00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:46,563
If I wasn't a gentleman,
401
00:17:46,564 --> 00:17:48,632
I'd punch you square
in the mouth.
402
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:50,017
What? What did I do?
403
00:17:50,018 --> 00:17:50,884
That uncle of yours.
404
00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:52,636
You pawned him off
as some dull barber.
405
00:17:52,637 --> 00:17:55,890
Turns out he's
a fascinating homosexual!
406
00:17:55,891 --> 00:17:57,891
Arthur, everyone is having
a wonderful time.
407
00:17:57,892 --> 00:17:59,393
Yes.
But not because of me.
408
00:17:59,394 --> 00:18:00,961
Does that really matter?
409
00:18:00,962 --> 00:18:04,148
Why do you think I got this
collection of misfits together?
410
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,349
To hear
what they had to say?!
411
00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:08,285
All right,
listen to me, Arthur,
412
00:18:08,286 --> 00:18:10,470
I am not gonna let you
ruin this dinner party.
413
00:18:10,471 --> 00:18:12,739
Someone is playing footsies
with me under the table,
414
00:18:12,740 --> 00:18:14,708
and if that turns out
to be Roberto,
415
00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:17,177
I'd kinda like
to see that through.
416
00:18:17,178 --> 00:18:18,979
So dinner is served!
417
00:18:21,766 --> 00:18:26,169
Yo corté el pelo
de Erik Estrada,
418
00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:31,475
Ricardo Montalban,
Desi Arnaz, senior and junior.
419
00:18:31,476 --> 00:18:35,312
Wow. Este hombre
es fantástico.
420
00:18:35,313 --> 00:18:37,681
I can't believe
you can speak Spanish too.
421
00:18:37,682 --> 00:18:41,018
I once had a lover
who was a Spaniard.
422
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:42,319
Oh.
There you go.
423
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,170
So did I.
424
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:50,861
Oh, you mean,
a Spanish woman.
425
00:18:50,862 --> 00:18:52,262
No.
426
00:18:52,263 --> 00:18:55,199
You think he's the only one
here with a fabulous gay past?
427
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,251
Arthur...
428
00:18:57,252 --> 00:18:59,603
Why, I have had encounters
with thousands of men:
429
00:18:59,604 --> 00:19:03,389
black men, Latin men,
bodybuilders!
430
00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:09,780
Now let me tell you a story
about a confused Army recruit,
431
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:11,982
a bottle of moonshine
432
00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:14,985
and a stern
but loving drill sergeant.
433
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:19,190
I was already exhausted
from the obstacle course.
434
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:21,174
Little did I know
there was one more hurdle
435
00:19:21,175 --> 00:19:22,542
I had to clear.
436
00:19:30,852 --> 00:19:32,269
Oh, yeah.
437
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:35,656
We're gonna be in the skybox.
It's gonna be great!
438
00:19:35,657 --> 00:19:37,724
This sweater
cost me 100 bucks.
439
00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:40,927
Serves you right for trying
to be somebody you're not.
440
00:19:40,928 --> 00:19:44,330
Okay, you know what?
That one had some soda in it!
441
00:19:44,331 --> 00:19:46,066
Just give the kid
the ball back, man!
442
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:49,136
No! All right?
This doesn't bother me.
443
00:19:49,137 --> 00:19:50,904
I'm just enjoying
a little baseball.
444
00:19:50,905 --> 00:19:53,106
Come on, first and third,
let's see a little action!
445
00:19:53,107 --> 00:19:54,808
You're giving
the kid the ball!
446
00:19:54,809 --> 00:19:56,543
Oh, really?
Yeah, really!
447
00:19:56,544 --> 00:19:58,111
And how's
that gonna happen?
448
00:19:58,112 --> 00:19:59,445
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
449
00:20:01,516 --> 00:20:04,084
Yes, hello. I am flying down
to your island next week,
450
00:20:04,085 --> 00:20:07,087
and I was wondering, is it
too early to book a massage?
451
00:20:08,022 --> 00:20:09,656
Who's got strong hands?
452
00:20:13,127 --> 00:20:14,261
I'll call you back.
453
00:20:14,262 --> 00:20:16,280
Hey, I was just on the phone
with the hotel,
454
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:17,665
and I like what I'm hearing!
455
00:20:17,666 --> 00:20:20,000
Oh, actually, about that,
you know, I just realized
456
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:22,136
I'm going to be down there
in a few weeks anyway,
457
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:25,005
so I'll just check things
out myself.
458
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,373
But thanks.
459
00:20:30,528 --> 00:20:32,046
Did you chicken out?
460
00:20:32,047 --> 00:20:33,012
No!
461
00:20:33,013 --> 00:20:34,147
What happened?
462
00:20:34,148 --> 00:20:35,732
You've only been gone
for a minute!
463
00:20:35,733 --> 00:20:37,868
I- I'd never been
in a limo before.
464
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:40,203
It was... very exciting.
465
00:20:40,204 --> 00:20:41,872
And it was more
like two minutes.
466
00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:45,525
Exciting, Spence?
She's 100 years old.
467
00:20:45,526 --> 00:20:47,244
You said she looked 45.
468
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:49,763
Yeah. From space.
469
00:20:49,764 --> 00:20:52,232
I just wanna-
I wanna die.
470
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:54,785
There! There he is!
471
00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:56,553
There's the man
who ruined my suit.
472
00:21:02,460 --> 00:21:04,461
Hey, Car,
isn't that your husband?
473
00:21:11,235 --> 00:21:13,069
I'm just gonna grab
my purse and go.
474
00:21:24,732 --> 00:21:28,168
So, what's the verdict
on that footsie thing?
475
00:21:28,169 --> 00:21:29,803
Yea or nay?
33847
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